Never share with them your success, achievements, goals, dreams, ambitions, secrets, fantasies. They will find a way to sabotage it, discredit you or make you feel bad about it.

The only thing u can say to a narcissist is goodbye.

Never show that your bothered by the things they do because they will do it more.

Never share anything private with them as they will use it against you.

If you truly want to keep your distance (if you can), never say anything to a narcissist. Period.

Narcissists look at life as a game and people as chess/checkers pieces.

They can't see their own faults. The more you avoid them, the better you'll feel.

Stick to the weather and share nothing. Drives them crazy.

"Don't give away your power, by telling them you see it. Seeing it is the power!"

The forgiveness is for you to forgive yourself for putting up with their crap and abuse. Forgive yourself and walk away.

The only way to defeat a narcissist is to leave them and never look back.

Narcissists weaponize everything you tell them and then use it against you. It's akin to handing them the knife they'll stab you with. They're not as good at reading other people as we may think. They're not mind-readers and they're not self aware: they lack introspection. What you don't tell them is powerful. The pleasure in calling them out is fleeting at best and the power you hold by saying nothing is worth far more to you.

You cant reason with delusional thinking. BINGO,!Thank you Dr Ramani ❤

Narcissists know what they doing is wrong

I told my self- centered sister that I am living my best life and am happier than I have ever been. She is horrified that I am happy. It’s hard for her. She thinks I don’t deserve happiness. She does but not me. The jealousy of these people….whew.

If you have to be around narcissists (not being around them highly preferred); be boring and stay on the surface with “safe”, shallow topics like the weather and food. They don’t need to know your business and you don’t want to know theirs. DISENGAGEMENT is the key thought to remember. They are always looking to hook you in emotionally.

I hope that if youre reading this, that you are ok. It's very difficult after a relationship with a narcissist. The recovery will be challenging. Be kind to and patient with yourself. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Love to all of the survivors

NO RESPONSE IS THE BEST RESPONSE!

Alot of narcissistic people like to call other people narcissistic and then pretend to be the victim. It's super twisted. Becareful of these individuals.

"No gaslighter thinks they are gaslighting" thank you for this

I like the idea of the “slow drift.” It’s the safest way to leave the relationship. It may take much longer than you wish, but it does eventually work. The narcissist loses interest because you offer him nothing and so he has nothing to gain.

I made the mistake (once) of pointing out he was projecting. The hostile response was shocking.

I'm sitting in a Walmart parking lot in Idaho reading your book...I can't read it at home in fear of my wife seeing it....Wow...I can't put it down...so we'll put together....I want to thank you! My healing has started with every sentence I read....I'm terrified that my name shows here on the comment segment...but I needed to just relate my simple gratitude...thank you...and may today bring you an abundance of happiness...thank you....

Forgiving a narcissist… That is like forgiving, a dog for being a dog. It’s pointless, that is their nature, and they are what they are. Likewise, with a narcissist, we must radically accept that is who they are and they can only do what they do so there’s nothing to forgive. When I was married 30 years to my narcissistic husband, I developed a mindset of “No expectation, no disappointments.” it saved a lot of heartache and drama.

1/ Never Say To A Narcissist It’s All About You 2/ Never Call A Narcissist A Narcissist 3/ Never Ever Share Good News To A Narcissist 4/ Never Say To A Narcissist Stop Playing The Victim. This Sends Them In A Rage And They Can Become Dangerous!!

Avoiding them is the best solution

Don’t teach them how to push your buttons. If they know where your buttons are, they will push them.

Be a little mysterious; will drive them nuts.

I got tired of sharing good news and her twisting it and turning it into something i needed to defend. Her insecurities couldn't stand hearing me happy

The fifth thing to never tell a narcissist, is that the 1.62M of us are planning to form our own little country.

Just a thought: laugh at them. And keep laughing. They’ll become enraged, and leave. 😊 It’s a win win for you because laughter is good for you.

*Literally describes what I’ve been feeling. It’s hard to not feel crazy when you have people tell you they’re so lovely & loyal… they have no idea what this person is like behind closed doors. Love the content it makes me feel less of a bad person for not tolerating the narcissistic abuse*

Forgiveness is me forgiving myself for thinking I could survive an unhealthy relationship with individuals who lack in self awareness. Love myself enough to walk away, or gray rock family members. Surround myself with healthy,safe, and kind friends.

They have a rigid personality style which is not good for any kind of relationships , or any kind of conversations

Dr. Ramani, you are amazing and have helped me so much! Thank you! I am a 50 year old woman who is still afraid of talking to my mother. I began ‘standing up to her’ (that didn’t go well) at age 30 but didn’t get what I was dealing with until my 40s when a therapist literally stood up as I was babbling away about something (unrelated to my mom) and said “Your mother. I think you were raised by a narcissist mother!” At the time, I didn’t even know what the therapist was talking about. And then she helped me some with that and then I found you online and you have been a sort of life line for my sanity in dealing with my mom. Thanks!

My narc mother said my narc ex dumped me because I was crazy. Dr Ramani is right. Just don't tell them anything. There is nothing one can tell a narcissist in confidence.

Thank you for stating we do not have to forgive. I do not forgive people who purposely harm me emotionally.

When I heard the name tag and learned about 'narcissism', that was the beginning of my healing and that i wasn't crazy!

5. Never tell a narcissist anything. They don’t deserve access to you at all anymore. Go no contact for your own sanity. I know this bc I went no contact, but then caved & talked to the narc, & I made all 4 of these mistakes. Now I’m emotionally exhausted by his lies & empty promises. Back to no contact, hopefully for good. Thx Dr. R.

I learned the hard way to never let them know your vulnerabilities.

When I stopped forgiving him is when I was able to leave.

I said all the wrong things. And it was an epic disaster. You are amazing Dr. R

Don’t send them articles about gaslighting either apparently 😂🙈 thanks doc for everything you do!

I did it, I told them😅. It came back exactly like you said😳

1:03 Do not call them a narcissist. 3:24 Don't tell them that they're gaslighting you. 5:46 Don't tell them that you don’t think they can change. 9:26 Don't tell them that you don't forgive them.

Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...

Great video, there is nothing like a perfect marriage or relationship, I learnt that in everything there is always a solution, 5 years ago I and my wife divorced because we were having some difficulties in our marriage but we are back together ,it was a really bad phase but we got through it

I have the duty to save myself first.

Trying to get water from an empty well ❤

The narcissist I got involved with actually had a NPD diagnosis from a psychiatrist, he told me this quite proudly. When he was leaving, (abandoning me), I told him that I thought he wouldn't be able to travel without me, that he was just not good with foreign travel. That led him to spend the next two years in Mexico! I didn't know about narcissism at the time, I did not research it until after he left, but I definitely said the right thing! I honestly believe that if you ask the person if they are a narcissist, they will tell you, since they think they are so very smart to be as they are. But if you accuse them of it, they will think you are trying to shame them, and fly into a rage. So, same thing, you get the information you need, but one is without the rage.

Sadly, I already did those things years ago. He learned a new word from me one day. It was "Gaslight", and he promptly looked it up. With glee he started saying to me and everyone else that I was gaslighting HIM.

Realizing that everything they told you that made you fall in love with them was a lie. You fell in love with a lie. So to believe that you can get back that 'feeling' or get back'the way it was' just remember it was never real. You fell in love with a fantasy. What theyve done to you has made you lose precious time that you can never get back. And when your life has passed you by its gone forever.

“Get a book (I know one)…tell your cat…” 😂😂😂❤❤❤❤❤ you made me smile and chuckle.

I blocked my inlaws. I can't go without contact bc their son wants some form of connection. Truly the best approach is to pretend they don't exist. It's so much better now they're blocked bc they can't play their games. I also greyrock when i have to spend time with them. I don't allow myself to be alone with them either. Disengagement is truly the best approach.

It’s so rough sometimes when you see the narcissist psychologically harming someone else-usually someone profoundly dependent on them, like a intimidated partner-or restricting that victim’s options in life and you don’t know how to help that person.

Dr. Ramani thank you! Number 4 -Forgiveness is not a requirement for healing-has hit me like a ton of bricks and brought tears to my eyes. This was the very first time I’ve heard that. Growing up with a narcissistic father and assaulted by a neighbor my childhood was horrible and I have been told my entire life I need to forgive so I can heal. I never understood that and I never did forgive, but I was able to go on and have a wonderful family of my own. So thank you for saying that.

I don't know about them not realizing they're gaslighters. I believe that they know what they're doing and try to play stupid when they're caught. But confronting them is a waste of time. Believe in yourself.

My father is a narcissist, mainly to my mother. There have been times where people have called him a narcissist, and he lashes out at them whenever they call him a narcissist.

Narcissistic people rarely change. The biggest danger I’ve faced throughout my life has been in the evangelical church where well meaning pastors tell abused women to just pray for their husbands to change or have God change their hearts. This puts more pressure on the abused spouse and doesn’t put any consequences on the abuser. It’s not biblically based advice and it further abuses by raising false hope or making an abused person feel worse when the change doesn’t come. It’s my opinion you’re dealing with demons and never did Jesus pray for demons! He cast them out and told us clearly to have nothing to do with evil people. I love Christ and the church but I will not sit quietly by while it does more harm than good out of ignorance 💜🙏

I stayed with a narcissist for a few days. He was all nice in the beginning, but spontaneously flipped to being incredibly mean. He insulted me constantly, invited me to a party only to rescind the invitation with no explanation other than that I was "way too weird" to be seen by his friends. Since I knew he was a narcissist strait off the bat, I got in his head and kept all of the power to myself. I didn't take a word of what he said personally or to heart, only simply said "likewise" or laughed it off. He said things like "I went to Duke University, and you would never have been able to get into the schools I was accepted to, and bragged about how great he was at talking and competing. On the last night, he once again went on a string of attacks, and at the end, flipped the script and accused me of gaslighting him. I laughed, and said "Wow, that is the most blatantly obvious, textbook narcissistic move in the book. Attack and insult someone ruthlessly, and finish the attack off by magically becoming the victim somehow." What happened next I did not expect: He went completely silent and was nice to me for the rest of my time there. My dad, who is also a psychologist, said that sometimes, narcissists can respect people who stand up to them in certain ways. His dad's new wife is a narcissist, and when he stood up to her, made it clear that he was not someone who could be manipulated, she backed down and respected it. To people in a long, manipulative relationship, this is obviously incredibly difficult if not impossible to achieve, as that narcissist likely has a much deeper level of manipulation and attacks and personal knowledge. It might not really be respect as a non-narcissistic person would know it, but as long as you do not believe that this narcissist is now aware of what they were doing wrong, and has somehow changed, it is sometimes possible to get in a narcissistic person's head, at least for a little while. Just don't take anything they say with any credibility, even if it holds some truth. If possible, laugh off their ruthless attacks and don't give them the control that they desperately crave!!! Be safe everybody!

I am a live-in caregiver for my elderly narc mother, and recently got a promotion at work. “Coincidentally,” she began acting up and stressing me out with her petty, controlling BS during an important week of training. The stress of dealing with both her BS and work stress caused me to break down at work on several occasions. My therapist pointed out that my mother was resentful when I wasn’t working because I looked like a lazy child, but is now resentful because I’m working and not available to her 24/7. You literally can’t win with these people. When dad was dying of brain cancer, she would yell at him for his deficits, but everyone thinks my mother is this sweet person. No one believes me. It’s insanity inducing.

Dealing with a narcissist close to you is like being at war, appear weak when you are strong and appear strong when you are weak.

"Knowing that the someone is a narcissist and not saying it to them, that's the real power....." WOW!!! You've hit the nail. I finally have the name for what's happening..... wanted to say it so badly. 😭

There was a palpable shift in my world when I realized there was absolutely no potential of having a human-human relationship with my mother or sister. A deep sense of being released. There was no there there.

I love that statement; it makes so much sense in who they are. "Don't go to the empty well, you will never get water."

Avoid talking to them if you can. Otherwise, keep your conversations mundane and respond with close ended answers as you plan an exit strategy.

Well, I have to differ here. I called a miserable narc a narcissist 3 months ago, and I haven't heard from them since. Mission accomplished. On the other hand, I don't expose my two remaining narcs because I HAVE to continue dealing with, one family, one work, and with those two these principles hold. All gray rock and firewall.

"I have never voted in my life... I have always known and understood that the idiots are in a majority so it's certain they will win." ~ Louis-Ferdinand Celine [Book: Journey to the End of the Night by Louis-Ferdinand Céline

We are all in the same game Just different levels Dealing with the same hell Just different devils

So Brilliant. Your descriptions, examples, and explanations just keep getting better and better! They "change" for five minutes just to "prove you wrong".

Dr. Ramani, would love some phrases to say to enablers who say things like "why can't you guys make up / get along?" or "He/She has always been nice to me" or "It's sad you've divided our friend group/family"

I wish I had known this many years ago. You are so right.

"i know what you're thinking>" can easily get a covert narc unhinged.. instatntly!

You are so knowledgeable Dear Dr. Ramani. Thank you for helping silently crying people.

I'm going to say something horrible. My mother is in her eighties and her life long narcissism is now wrapped in her "poor little old lady" routine. I'm watching her control everyone just like she has me all my life. The point is she is an old lady and people say I'm lucky to still have my mum around but the longer she lives the more I feel obligated to help her. She told me a few years ago I "abandoned" her when I emigrated to another country in my 20's rather than be proud of me. My world won't change until she is not here and that is the reality.

The Egg Shell Wonderland…

Excellent video! I struggled for a year after my ex-best friend flipped out on me and was abusive to me over a few instances. I tried in 3 different calls to talk to her about it in a non-judgement, very calm way and it escalated each time. So, I disengaged and didn't call her, but really wanted to say my truth. I luckily I did not. She later called me a few times, was nasty, manipulative, threatening the relationship was over, she called on my birthday and I was super polite and have not taken the bait any time I ran into her in public or she called. Now, more time has past and it's has been much, much easier. I no longer fret about why I was treated that way or I'd like to say this or that, cause I have rights, etc. I will never call her again, because I know she will never change.

I must thank the social media and people like Dr. Ramani for spreading awareness. I took 55 years to understand my mother and BIL, who were wrecking our life. After so much of put up with my mother, I completely cut off on 27-08-2023 . I am at peace now. My only regret is about my father, who passed away as a hated person by children (we took care of him but never loved him😢) due to the influence of our mother. It took me 55 years to understand that , my father was a simple caring man but put down by his wife. My apologies Papa, I wish I listen to people like Dr. Ramani when you were alive.

Never instruct someone else on how to treat you. If they know they're doing something wrong by you, you will have confirmed they are still in control.

"Hello" is the first thing to NOT say to a narcissist. Prevents a lot of unwarranted conversation. Ignore that text or phone call. If that doesn't work share nothing except the weather.

Thankyou Dr Ramani you know all their tricks so well- the more you reveal to the narcissist the sneakier they get, the more subtle their abuse.

Thank you for enlightening me enough to notice the narcissist immediately. I could feel her jealous vibe of me. And she even wanted to see my resume.

I called him a narcissist and he called me one ,turned the conversation around and that was the beginning of the end 😮

I made the mistake of telling him that he was gaslighting me, & he turned it around on me & told me I was gaslighting him by sharing my feelings?

wow, this is honesty really really hard to hear, i taught by calling the person out i was helping her realize her perhaps"unintentional" wrong, and possibly she would finally see it and change, especially seeing that her abusive/manipulative actions are not aligning with the religious values she taught me growing up.... this is really hard to hear, but am glad i now know this...... but why are they like this??

"Being creepy nice..." YES!!! Just for enough time to 'smooth' things over...

THANK YOU for saying what you did regarding "forgiveness." For so so long I have believed forgiveness is the abusive person's hall pass back to abusing.

It’s a circus act! Yessssssss

These temporary changes are tantalizing. It becomes a predictable scripted change. The changes are never sustainable. Thank you Dr. Ramani, Thank you...

Don’t share anything with a narcissist apart from talking about the weather 😊 actually, it’s better not to 😊 thank you dr Ramani ❤

So right.!! I told a narcissist( a full blown one), he was Narcissist. Gruesome mistake!! . Reactions were wild. Dont you ever tell a narcissist she/he is narcissist. Worst mistake ever. I told him he was a text book definition of NPD. The reaction is unfathomable. Dr. Ramani is an expert. wow!!!!

I hear you on the "don't tell them they're gaslighting" 🙄 I said this to my cousin and she told me "if you want me to ruin your life, then I will"... three months later she tried to get me sent down for something I didn't do.

OMG I have done all of those things 🤦🏼‍♀️. I am my own worst enemy

As usual, spot on advise that logically leads to this.... Agreed it's hardly this simple or we all wouldn't be here. But IF the light bulb goes on & the fog clears, why on earth would anyone continue to participate in that toxic, dead end kabuki? Utilize the necessary tools to wall them off like boundaries, grey rock, no contact etc. etc to navigate the necessary & unavoidable then let go & move on. Talk about a relief.

My mother has always tried to make everyone feel not good enough. Her favourite saying is "What a family this is"! She has always compared my father (rip dad) and her children and grandchildren to her sister's husband,kids and grandkids. She has always been a 'victim', nothings ever her fault.

Some of what is said (in the video) I did to a family member, but then, I had NOTHING left to lose. They were being fierce, really mean. I couldn't handle the abuse, and I didn't mind them abandoning me because they had done it my entire life. It's their loss that I walked away because they could have had somebody to lean on with all their BS, and I would have understood. They decided to play the victims, and I said, 'OK, your wish is my command"; you want me to leave you guys alone, there you go.' Now I have more boundaries, and nobody can mess with my boundaries.

I can imagine my mother saying, incredulous, "Narcissist? What's that?" And really not know. She had no desire for self- improvement because she was already perfect. Why would she need to change?

Trauma bonding: The boss rules you by creating unethical expectations and then plays them against your employment. Their view is to make you squirm under their power to show you that you will serve them above the regulations. This feeds their entitlement.

I had no idea such a person could exist! Once I learned my ex husband had this NPD, I left that relationship. I spent 4 years healing and now I'm able to have a new relationship and I can get almost 6 hours of decent sleep most nights. I'm still healing from 20 years of abuse but I'm healthy now

I just want to point out as well that just because someone might be 'sensitive' and they've dealt with a lot of hurt in their life it DOESN'T mean that their bad behaviour is justified. That's the coward's way of going about things whether they're a pathological narcissist or a vulnerable narcissist.