As a biologist, who was rejected while being MADLY in love and attached, having the molecular basis knowledge that "your brain is just going crazy right now, stop, feel it and it will pass" truly kept me sane

she managed to be so factual, straightforward and scientific yet didn't come off as robotic.

She NEEDS her own UKposts channel to talk about Love. Please make it happen

“The vast majority of people that are truly in love don’t cheat.” Thank you for this.

"The human brain is not made to deal with more than 5-9 options. After that, the brain just.. spaces out." Duuude, that explains why when people ask what my favorite movie, or even just a name a movie, I instantly forget every movie I've ever seen or heard of.

I love how she states her answer in the topic sentence then explain it. This is like listening to a well written and enjoyable essay.

I wanna know her thoughts about people who “fell out of love”

Her saying that time does actually does help us heal because it’s a survival mechanism makes the idea of really sitting and waiting out those feelings more bearable. And makes me feel less bad for taking a long time to get over someone

"Love is primordial, adaptable, it is eternal." Can we just take a minute to appreciate that this woman is simultaneously scientific and poetic? Edit: *57k? insert requisite "hey maaa! I'm famous!" comment*

She should really make a ted talk, a podcast, some sort of channel. She explains so well.

"You have to be ready to fall in love to actually do it". This right there.

Cheating is not about love or lack of love. It’s about morals and respect. It’s about not crossing the line you set for yourself and choosing not to hurt the person you say you love.

I'd be really curious to hear what she has to say about asexuality and aromantic people.

I was delighted that she did not take a negative view on how technology has changed dating and relationships. She simply addressed our own misuse of it. I happen to want a stable, romantic "old fashioned" relationship, so it is good to hear that online dating has not eradicated the chances of me meeting a man who wants that as well.

As an a person on the asexual spectrum who is very anthropologically oriented, I find this very validating because it really shows that there are so many parts of the brain involved in love and that love is still very much a real and fulfilling experience, even if we don't experience every possible aspect of how many people express and experience love!!!

For the heart I'm surprised she didn't mention that when you experience a breakup, you feel an immense, heavy, literal physical pain in your heart.

If she was a writer, she would be a great writer at romance genre, or at character building in general.

I do hope there is a next time. This was so enjoyable.

Shout out to the aro/aces who constantly rediscover they're aro/ace

I adore this woman. I want to read everything she's written.

Since nobody is mentioning this, she wrote Anatomy of Love and it is an amazing book that goes into the anthropology and evolution (mentally and physically) of love in humans. It's one of my ultime favorite books and I highly recommend!

When she described the difference between romantic and platonic love, I was so surprised. She said the difference was the obsession, the drive, etc, and I distinctly remember feeling that same way about people l would never consider a romantic interest. I've also never experienced romantic love as others describe it, never had a romantic crush, but I've had people i feel very strongly about wanting to befriend and bond with, sometimes even suddenly. Just like she said for romance, I've never had more than 4-5 people at once that I feel might become a platonic crush, and never more than one full blown platonic crush at once. I wonder if aromanticism could be attributed to the brain's romance region functioning a little differently than most people and doubling down on platonic attachment instead of romance.

I love how she talks about love. When she explains it, it's not cheesy but still feels so.....nice.

This woman is so professional and able to capture my attention by talking to me. Great teacher I bet.

I could listen to this woman all day. Not a wasted syllable and each word resonant and meaningful! Brava!

I could listen to her talk all day - a perfect balance of rationality and emotion. Time to see if she's written any books.

I met and married my husband within 3 months (17 years ago). We are not the norm, but neither unnormal too. It didn't start off perfect, but within no time I found myself craving his company. I should say that I was not looking to become involved with anyone at that time. We just shared this phenomenal chemistry that was undeniable...and being in his presence was like fireworks exploding within me. To this day, I crave his presence and attention...I love him more than life itself. My unsolicited advice (lol), when you meet your "one" (and I hope that you all do) you'll have zero doubts after a few dates. And another thing...you're love only grows deeper with time.

I'd love to hear her thoughts on people "falling in love" with celebrities and people they've never met.

With the whole cheating thing, it doesn’t matter if they actually still love you or not after they’ve cheated. What matters is that they knew it would hurt you, and did it anyway. Get them out of your life.

The thing about not knowing if it's platonic or romantic is hard. I always struggle with that. It becomes clearer after some time but the beginning is just pure confusion because it feels the same. You click with them, enjoy spending time with them, wanna know more about them, it's effortless and fun. I ended up emotionally cheating on my ex partner because I realised too late I was in love with someone I considered a platonic friend. Since that I avoid friendships with anyone I could even remotely imagine being attracted to at some point

The way she described the difference in romantic vs plantonic love instantly made me think maybe I was in love when I thought they were just a friend... wow

Wired,,,, I think you gotta bring her back. We love her. She's so clear, knowledgable, and fascinating. Also, funny and positive (while backing it up as a PRO). And we have more questions!!! (ex: aromantic spectrum? is polyamoury due to different types of love? cultural differences? is neurodivergent love often different (ex: more/less dopamine)? so much else see the comments!!!)

seeing that our brain is kind of designed to be obsessed w/ people we're in love with makes me feel a lot better. i have always felt like there was something wrong with me because my feelings can become super intense about someone quickly and i begin to think of them literally all the time. it's nice to know that that's just how my brain works and isnt inherently a super negative thing

What's crazy is I love to love, I've never loved anyone romantically, though. I don't believe I genuinely can. But I've had friendships where they seemed so special, all the way down to the way they talk, think, interact, etc. I just love the way they do everything, and I panic when I feel they may get too distant. But I don't love them romantically, and I have no wish to be in a relationship with them. I just like to admire everything they do.

Seeing a stay account asking a question is such an "ariana what are u doing here" moment skzzz slayyyy

Anthropologists are heavily overlooked by most people. As a grad student majoring in cultural anthropology, I think that we definitely need more opportunities for our experts to talk about their own fields and explain stuff to people.

Try platonically loving someone when you're neurodivergent and can get obsessed with literally anything. I've definitely experienced platonic infatuation before and neurotypical society made me confuse it with romantic love and it messed me up. So, other ND people, it can be different for us and I'm still not entirely sure what the specific differences are, I just worked it out over time.

And here I thought I was crazy for being obsessed with her. Sumn along the lines of "I probably just admire her a lot and want to be like her, why else would I be so obsessed?"

i love how she doesn’t sugarcoat anything and just says the truth like periodt love isn’t a fantasy

based on everything she said i am so interested how she’d explain asexuality, aromantic ppl and polyamory

I agree with her about online dating. I made this mistake of swiping left and right and meeting a lot of people, and had a negative-bias. My brain was tricking me "what if there's still someone better", and so I start swiping again, the cycle never ends. It's very exhausting. One day, I decided to just focus on really getting to know that one person I liked, and thought of reasons to say yes, as Dr. Fisher said. Luckily, he also decided to do the same thing, and after few years of dating, now we are getting married. 🥰

completely unrelated but the random stay (at 2:45 )??? took me so off guard lmao 😂 on the other hand, this video is absolutely great and I love how this woman speaks and explains everything!!

I like her view and answers for this. She seems like the right mix of open, logical and realistic about love matters

As someone who’s asexual aromantic, this video is utterly fascinating to watch. This line sticks to me most, “People pine for love, people live for love, people have killed for love, and they have died for love.”

I love hearing the biological breakdown of emotions like love, and this was delightful. Loved Dr. Fisher, very soothing, very interesting, really enjoyed this vid!

I am 34yrs, and I am not obsessed about the person I love. I really, truly, madly love this person, but I am not obsessed about her. So, I do not think you have to be obsessed about the person you love. So, I think once you are over 30yrs, and you have become a mature person,... well, things, and how important things are, changes.

Oh I love this. So uplifting. What an inspiring human being. I didn’t believe in soul mates or love at first sight before this and online dating was just junk, but I feel truly inspired and uplifted. Thank you Helen. Please bring her back, WIRED. A lot of human beings needs this, I think.

The thing she said about estrogen was amazing. There’s always a running joke that women can “tell when something is off just by the way someone can talk or walk” and what she said confirmed that. That’s pretty amazing

I loved her - her facts and her thoroughness. Can people on Twitter ask more stupid questions so she can be back, please?

About 20 years ago, during my first love, it came to an end. I distinctly remember watching TV ad for potato chips at a friend's place, feeling my eyes well up with tears and announcing "(name) loves potatoes..." and bursting into tears like a crazy person LOL

She’s just amazing. One of the best videos I’ve seen. Making sense of our flaws as humans. This is the beauty of UKposts

If the divorce rate is smaller for people who meet online - I"d say a pretty significant factor is that you're less likely to meet with and infatuate and fall in live with a rather random person. With a dating profile you can establish before you ever meet that you're on the same page with life and relationship goals like do you both want or not want children, are you looking for a longterm relationship or something more casual etc. Stuff that often doesn't get discussed before you're already fallen in love.

Soulmates don’t need to be romantic. They can be friends, family, or other figures in your life not just romantic partners.

I'd like to know her thoughts on why we pick the "wrong" romantic partners, and how love and fades over time.

It's semantics but to me, love requires attachment. Love at first sight does not exist, but attraction at first sight does.

I think a soulmate is someone with whom you have a deep intimate connection, and who is somewhat similar to yourself - who understands your thinking patterns, maybe has similar interests, and whose thinking patterns and thought process you understand very well. And I do think that you can have more than one person like this - a friend who understands you very well, and who just "gets" you on another level, and you feel like you "get" them. I've felt that with multiple people.

Really like this woman. I never knew that romance was a need like hunger or thirst. That's why the romance genre in TV shows or books can never die. I wonder why I sometimes get sick of cliche plots, but I never cease to come back for more, and overtime I just come to terms with the formula of much of the romance genre to the point I don't mind it at all. It was a much more primative interest than I thought.

There should be a part two. She was lovely and I love her calmness ☺️

this made me cry. she described this so righteous and beautifully

would love if they had a second video about polyamory and aromantics / asexuals!

Is there anyway she’d be interested in making a part two? I found this episode to be the most enjoyable and interesting by far in this series and like other people have stated, im really curious to hear more of her thoughts on topics like asexuality, polyamory, fixations of fictional/ non tangible creations etc.

this is one of the best episodes. the way she speaks is so engaging.

I love her, just broke so many notions I had about love in less than 15 mins. Truly an amazing mind and great video

I greatly appreciate calling her a Biological Anthropologist and not just Anthropologist which is such a broad term anyone that studies anything could call themselves that. Super interesting topic

I think one of the ways that people stay in love for longs periods of time, is by "re-falling" in love with the same person over and over again. And sometimes it the only way, bc people change over the years, personality changes, and so it is kinda like falling in love again but now with a slightly different person. Don't forget that you are also changing too, so you are going to experience love and seek love differently.

The way Dr. Helen F speaks about love in a factual psychological standpoint rather then emotional philosophical is mesmerizing to me. Very enjoyable and interesting, thank you

Is there a part II? 'CAUSE I TRULY NEED IT! so interesting, ready to hear more!

she's so great!! would love her take on aromanticism and asexuality!!!

I loved every minute of this video just because how she carried the topic answered each question ❤️ The soul mate answer was✨❤️ Shared with my friends too🐥

i love this woman, she’s so fun to listen to while also learning so much!

I absolutely love how she speaks...I remained interested in every word she said till the end. You can see just how passionate she is in her study and I appreciate that.

When someone asks why anthropology is important im going to refer to this video. Combining the science and human nature, looking at all cultures, experimenting not just for facts and figures but putting the person first. Its so important and often disregarded in academia.

I never knew how love could so intensely affect the body before I actually fell in love. When me and my girlfriend started dating I couldn't sleep, couldn't eat. I could wake up in the middle of the night and think of her and then be awake for hours simply because my heart was pounding so much I couldn't fall asleep again. I had a hard time eating as well, I kinda felt like being sick when trying to eat. I basically lived off of smoothies for about three months lol. Not pleasant at all actually, but the nervousness changed over time. It's really weird how this kinda thing is considered to be profitable for us as species. I'm grateful to have met such an incredible person and I couldn't imagine my life without her. But falling in love was a crazy experience.

I love that Jas loves Chan but is looking for someone irl. Good on you Stay :)

Lmao the skz stan, i see you. Also this was so nice to watch, she should have like a series or something. Does she have like a podcast ?

Speaking as a biologist who's also aromantic, I find this to be deeply fascinating. I've never felt romantic attraction or desire towards anybody, but I DO have one special person in my life who feels like a platonic soulmate/life partner, so I wonder if other aromantic people like me simply have a slightly less extreme wiring of the brain that encourages you to seek out people/one person you feel comfortable spending your life with, but isn't so hardcore that it leads into romantic attraction. Ex, I would feel like half of me is killed if I lost my platonic partner, but I've never felt romantic inclinations towards them in the slightest. I DO think that she has a bias towards monogamy, given the fact that systems in biology NEVER follow clear-cut rules (and poly people exist, though they tend to be rare), pairbonding in birds is arguably more common and stronger than with people so we're not the 'loving animals', and some of what she says about estrogen-linked qualities can be tied to social conditioning (reading body language/faces/etc is def. not linked to estrogen in my experience), but overall I feel like her knowledge and her explanations are solid. It just makes me curious about people like me who are the small percentage that don't follow a set path- for example, is that due to lower general activity in that brain region, or is it an occasional genetic quirk that pops up to reduce competition in the breeding sphere? Or do we just jump to the attachment system, as I have a relationship in that attachment phase without the romantic precursor? Fascinating stuff.

I interpreted the “How can you be in love with someone and jealous of them?” question as “How can you be in love with someone and yet be jealous that they do better than you?” Can you be in love with someone but at the same time be jealous of that person?

You gave Me more courage than all the psychologists out there with your scientific approach, thank you so much!!!!

I always enjoy listening to someone speak about a subject that they’re so knowledgeable about. I hope to know a subject so well, one day.

2:52 I FOUND A STAY LMAO YESS

2:55 stay 😭

That was surprisingly optimistic and sweet. I'd do anything to get a brain scan, I'm so curious what love and heartbreak looks like in my brain

Thank you Dr. Fisher, finally state-of-the-art research on this! I was waiting for it. Obliged to read your books now :)

2:45 hello fellow STAY ?? 😭 let me tell you, it's impossible for a Chan stan to fall in love online when your standard is THE Bang Chan, that's it.

As an aromantic person, this video is eye opening. It explains a lot of what I see when other people experience romantic attraction, but at the same time it makes me super confused of like "wait, this is really what people feel when they are romantically attracted to someone??"

this was a delightful watch! thank you for sharing! my jaw dropped when she said she was dr. helen fisher, and i thoroughly enjoyed her responses!

This was insanely entertaining AND pedagogic. Well done

I feel like the jealousy question was misunderstood. Mate guarding is the drive to hold on to your beau, yes, but the question asks about when you're jealous OF them. For example; if they were able to back-flip on command or something, & instead of being happy for them that they can do something cool, you're jealous or envious you can't. There's a difference between that kind of jealousy & the kind caught up w/flirting. I would love a revisit to that question.

I'd be very interested to hear what she thinks about people who don't experience romantic attraction and whether that's related to conditions that affect your dopamine like ADHD.

This was just amazing... it makes the idea of LOVE more complex but oddly more understandable than I imagined, gonna make a story out of this someday.

2:15 This is honestly kinda comforting. The sort of promise that you'll be ok in time.

I’d love to see your take on love with ADHD, because the dopamine system is different with people with adhd,. I think it’s either at 0 or 100, with love but also hyperfixations in general.

She needs a UKposts channel or something. I'd definitely watch her analysis of love.

I remember watching this after my first heartbreak. Time really heals

Second time to listen to this. There’s warmth in the way you explain things scientifically. I am just craving to absorb everything you just said. ❤

as a grey-aromantic, i'd love to ask her questions regarding her opinions on the aromantic spectrum of romantic attraction!

She expresses brilliantly, especially with how her answers with emphasis of the human-ness of romantic affection. I'm usually just a quiet watcher, but this episode was so cool I needed to join the other commentors in showing my support. I hope there'll be a part 2!

Friendship develops. Fondess grows. If given time, genuine love is established. And then, physical intimacy occurs, completely clouding the windscreens of both logic and judgment. Good luck everyone.

I really liked this woman!! She explained everything so clearly and concisely. Thanks for making this episode!!

I would love to see her talk about the way that avoidant, anxious and dismissive-avoidant people process love and why its so hard for them Edit: since we're all here, Слава Україні! Slava Ukraini! 🇺🇦