I feel nervous and sad that his son Daniel is aggressive and rude, sarcastic with his dad. Almost emotionally abusive. Forgive your dad

Yes, I see he is so hurt and wounded. Instead of war, they're staying present.

Yes true but also most are not invited to do so.We might be surprised if there were more programmes and podcasts onike this where people are willi g to share their familial conflicts and issues.I have seen programmes on tv where people have their souls very freely and their dysfunctional family dynamics but they are not famous or paid for it. It's great that these two sit down and talk about trauma and healing but it is also a bit of each of theirs promotion and business interest.

@@upendasana7857 Yes, unfortunately, most peoples trauma never makes it to the public eye - it's hidden away. If everyone knew how widespread this is, and it lead to their own healing, I think the world would be a better place. And, yes, it's also helping to these two men financially. But, somehow, I think that doesn't negate the real emotions these two obviously struggle with. Whether they do it in public or not, whether they benefit from it financially or not, the ultimate result is that they are working towards forgiving and really being there for each other as father and son. It's a complicated world, isn't it? Wouldn't it be amazing if all people actually got paid for healing themselves?

@@dottiebaker6623 you do get paid for doing trauma healing. If you don’t do it publicly in a book or another public way. No, you don’t get a check. However, the rewards are felt in so many areas of your life. It’s curious that your focus is on being paid.

Why do you feel uncomfortable in the first place?

l feel uncomfortable because l want to smack that childish Daniel on the head. I adore Gabor... he looks like a wise old turtle ♥️

I really like seeing him be angry. If he can be angry at Gabor then maybe I can be angry at my parents? It's nice to see. Gabor doesn't mind it. Why should other people? He's not made of glass.

Is about projection actually, comments are not about them really, you've got it right and I like Daniel too even if I revere his father''s work, I relate more with him for the same point as you.

@@ginaiosef1634 love your comment. Anger is a part of human expression and repression of it creates an entire host of issues. We need to be able to express anger of course in healthy way which is what is happening.

Beautiful.

Yes!

Imagine havi g a child too who does !!

Imagine having a parent

We parented my mother all our lives and as soon as we were able to. Our practical needs were met in that we were fed and clothed, but they would be in a children's home. Our emotional needs had to take second place to our mothers' whose own emotional needs were not met as a child.

Daniel strikes me as “I need you to listen to all the ways you hurt me and damaged me and I don’t care what lead you to behave like you did, so we can heal this relationship and for me to forgive you”. Yes, self righteous. And he will be like that until he himself becomes a parent!! I have been judgmental to my parents and really thought they were “terrible” until I became a mom…. Most humbling experience ever

@@danielagarpal maybe he is a dad...

Some difficult moments there. Daniel mentioned the joyful moments with his father as a child which I hadn't heard him do before. Time to let your Dad "off the hook" ?

I like Danielle s spontaneity more. I think Gabor is very good at hiding his true feelings

I loved Daniels authenticity and honesty - I could see and hear how much he loves his father and how much he values the relationship.

it is a relief when there is no facade. Great modeling on their part.

All kudos to both of them, The discomfort I felt at times was my own issues of being a parent to adult children whereby recalling their pain I caused my children then as teens and adults. One can never undo nor erase their pain, its unpleasant to me today however I own it. It was never my intention to cause suffering, I believe my own inner child didn't know better. Otherwise I would have done better

❤

Indeed you are correct, I also noticed and made the following comment: "Did anybody notice that towards the end of the conversation, Gabor & Daniel's body shifted towards each other ?

I think he’s a self righteous dick.

Thank you so much Cali. You're a wonderful interviewer!

@@taralilarose1 Thanks for the kind words, Tara. It's a gift to be able to sit down with these luminaries and facilitate these conversations. I'm glad you enjoyed it. Check out other Dropping In episodes too on our Omega Institute playlist.

@@CaliAlpert I definitely will Cali. I've been involved with Omega for over 30 years. When I lived in NYC I used to attend the annual conferences at the Marriot and have some very amazing memories! I am eternally grateful.

@@taralilarose1 How lovely to know. Hopefully we will see you on campus soon!

Daniel is playing on his father's guilt, as do most children of survivors.

I would say always evolving - that is wonderful to see here.

He spoke of that as well when mentioned he realized it is OK for him to be in the spotlight. We all need self-actualization in some way- which is different for all of us.

Like so many children of famously successful parents it must be hard so it's understandable. Daniel is every bit as awesome as his Dad ...hopefully he will realize this.

Admire Gabor and Daniel as they have such a need to share with all humanity parents and children relationship in adulthood Fundamentally there is not a such perfect family but is is how we are taking a responsibility and how we are willing to have dialog .

I totally agree with your observation Daniel has some serious ego issues that he needs to look at as well as self reflection. I saw them in Edmonton a few years ago when they began this relationship repair journey and he acted the same so in 5 yrs or so he doesn’t seem to have grown much though Gabor has remained open and they are trying to hide these emotional outbursts as humour. I love Gabor and I am a parent with adult children many of whom blame me for their poor life choices do to my terrible parenting . It is hard to hear and I own my role in their negative experience but it’s a struggle when children want to hold onto the victim role and continue to use me as an excuse for their adult feeling now and constantly criticize both privately and publicly. I am also a retired counselor and social worker who se work focused on helping families and children and women who have experienced abuse. It is a difficult road to walk when repairing adult child parent relationships.

I think he takes advantage of being able to bring these things to his father.

agree so much! have mentioned at my comment, too !!! deep down he still keeps lots of resentment to his father

When the situation is is volatile during personality forming years then child has to play the role of parent for himself as well as for the parents sometimes… for such a child you can not apply the norms of parent-child relationship dynamics. There’s somewhat of a sibling type rivalry exhibited in dealings…. (Specially with the eldest child i guess) That’s what we saw in daniel and I see in myself.

Gabor is definately the best of the two, he, (as Daniel said,) was the pioneer in this relationship as good or bad his results he didn't blame his father. I would have liked Daniel to say, dad instead of he. I felt anger from some of what Daniel said and yes would love to know about his relationship with his children if he has any. Just started to read the book so it will be interesting

Oh, u betya. The work towards healing is arduous and time-consuming.

mother komplex...

Everyone is going to have their own pov and it is not healthy to be basing your own work on two people who have a book to promote and earn their living and status doing interviews etc. People should be doing this work for themselves and most is done away from public view and whilst it is good to see people be open and honest at times,there is a time and place and in the ned this is about promotion in some way for both of them.They don't do this for free and it is linked to their public profiles,booksales,workshops and talks etc. It says alot about our society and world now that we depend so much on these public figures intead of trusting ourselves to do the work or find those whose profile might not be so public and people closer to us in our community to be role models or have honest conversations. If this is vulnerable than you should try sitting if you already haven't in an AA meeting where people share very vulnerable raw material,its just that no body sees it. People in public are always going to only show you what they wish you to see,its a public space afterall !! How vulnerable and honest can two people really be in such a space

Daniel needs to do his own therapy and come back into dialogue with his father when he can be less resentful, angry and immature, and perhaps a little more generous. For Gabor this must be difficult and tedious...like having a perpetual teenager.

@@jacquimccarney1437 It is surprising to me. His dad is understanding and worked hard to provide him with opportunities.There are immigrant families who grow up poor and are with lots of trauma. Daniel doesn't seem to recognize his privilege.

@@hablabamosa exactly, he seems to be swimming in his emotional 'flare-ups' as he calls it and doesn't see how great he has it, in soooo many ways. I found this awkward, especially when Gabor mentioned having to walk on eggshells as he doesn't know when the next time bomb will go off and it will. He's/Daniel is Overly sensitive & not in a good way.

There's a good book on dealing with generational trauma by Judy Wilkins Smith

I was thinking the same thing. Daniel needs a lot more gratitude for the goodness, the good things in his life, he's had. It seems like the more you nit pick and snark over perceived slights of years ago, that's what grows and is large in your life.

😂😂😂

Or either way, Daniel has to release himself from his own prison

Exactly this.

I think Daniel is a self-righteous, bitter son who is “holier than thou:” with his father….Gabor is so filled with humility and kindness,,,I hope Daniel makes a HUGE turn around in his life and becomes more like his dad than his current pious self

This is how believing the fantasy that life and our parent should be perfect becomes problematic. There is great healing that can happen through teaching of acceptance in buddism, zen, eckart, katie byron. It's a sad state to live thinking that this life and our parents are a mistake ;) best of luck...very sad, abusive almost interview.

Hmmm I don’t think healthy adult children would treat their dad so disrespectfully by constantly interrupting and berating him for things they are doing themselves in a public forum. Daniel does not present as having self awareness or emotional impulse control. He has a very young childlike need to be heard. Gabor is an awesome human not perfect .

I disagree. The best book on parenting is Alice Miller's "Drama of the Gifted Child," where, among many other clinical insights, she describes the way that children of abusive parents often idealize those same parents, at least until much later when the truth can be admitted. Some of these comments that take sides with Gabor against his son seem to be falling into a bit of an idealization trap also?

I couldn’t agree more. Grow the fuck up Daniel . You have an incredible father who admits his short comings and is willing to work and share with you. Get help and stop travelling to promote book as your behaviour thru belittling and disrespecting you Dad shows that you are far from healed. Too needy too hurtful too immature. Find a therapist that will tell you the truth. You present as an angry bully . That is not your parents fault it’s your choice!

I agree

100% agree

Totally! What I wouldn’t do to have Gabor for a father 💕♥️💕

Some like to find and obsess on some long ago mistake so they can freely over play it and use their self righteousness contempt and anger like a hammer, beating you over the head forever, no matter how many times you hear them, how much you own it, no matter how much you give or try to be there and accept responsibility and regret your mistake. Just let this stuff go and enjoy your living dad while he's still here, alive, and clearly wanting to connect. If you want to know about your dad's life, ask. Be quiet, for a change, and ask your dad about his life. It seems to me like it doesn't matter what this dad does, it will never be enough. I hope the son may take some time, get therapy, and work on himself so he can enjoy his time with his father.

This shows us how very difficult or next to impossible it is to let go of parental damage. Very few of us can really and honestly accomplish it.

Does D have children?

It's important to let you know that your feelings are valid. You are not alone in experiencing these emotions. Many people in our society seek quick fixes when personal growth and healing are lifelong journeys. To help relieve your sense of burden, here are a few suggestions: 1. **Self-Compassion:** Practice self-compassion. It's okay to have flaws and make mistakes. Treat yourself with the same kindness you would offer a friend. 2. **Set Realistic Expectations:** Set achievable goals. The journey to self-improvement is a marathon, not a sprint. Note that small, consistent efforts can lead to significant change over time. 3. **Seek Support:** Reach out for emotional support. Consider helplines and groups to share your feelings and experiences for they can be a tremendous help not only for yourself but also for others. The fact that you asked in this forum is proof that you are already on a healing path. 4. **Mindfulness and Self-Reflection:** Employing mindfulness practices and regular self-reflection help many people understand their feelings better and to manage resentment. 5. **Learn from Resentment:** Resentment is an opportunity for growth. What can you learn from these feelings? What changes can you make in your life to reduce your burden gradually? 6. **Patience:** Healing takes time. It's okay to take breaks along the way. Also, note that you don't have to carry the burden alone. It's okay to ask for help, as you have done! Remind yourself that healing and self-improvement are ongoing processes when resentful feelings emerge. I find it reassuring that Gabor keeps reminding everyone that he is still on this path and is capable of laughing and sharing occasions when he may have faltered.

well said.. having to walk on eggshells is the worst thing, especially around loved ones.

Thanks, well said, fiona, I felt the same way. Uncomfortable realizing the hyper sensitive hyper critical energy of Daniel. Not always, but ways to often. I saw an older talk of them both where it felt different. We all are humans after all ...

More gracious because it's he who is reconciling the harm he did to his son, not the other way around.

I totally agree I don’t think Daniel is ready emotionally to be on the road with his Dad. They spoke of a bad public outburst by Daniel just a month prior . He needs a skilled therapist cause he is stunted emotionally by his anger and seems to want to publicly humiliate and hurt his Dad . Not cool