Then I have an identity of being a loser and low value then

Unfortunate and very true. 😬

@@markbennett5812 do you want to elaborate?

@@kathleenhillier6765 wish someone would have told me this little nugget 20 years ago.

@@markbennett5812do you find identity to be a fixed thing?

That quote is from 2:03:25 in case anyone is wondering

I felt that too, and honestly, where they got to after that, i resonated with and helped me a bit, too.

Yeah I'm far less interesting or articulate than he is. I'm almost as old as him. I thought the video was going to be about some loser like me but he is practically perfect.

Yeah, me too.

Fam😪

Thank you so much for being so vulnerable, I’m just at the beginning of the video but the friends part I felt to the core, thinking/fearing I won’t be a good friend or am a bad person, both of those thoughts I had a few times too often which stopped me from reaching out to old or new friends.

Thank you for coming on stream, Jacob!

I also suffer from huge amount of suppressed anger accumulated in the past and the inner moral judgement and avoidence is painful as hell. I got disconnected without realizing it so much to be a quote on quote non asshole that I even lose the ability to make art, which I have been doing since I could remember. Thank you Jacob you did an incredible job and many people like me are helped by this interview. You inspired me to be connected to art again and before that I was stuck in a dessert island of suffocating confusion and anhedonia, really having no life. Femboy jokes aside your music also holds something genuine on inner feelings. Lots of arts are really potentious though I don't blame the artists. I don't even want to see humans in p*rn due to how I got treated I'd rather F an alien, just many don't admit the feelings they'd rather dehumanize the partners to avoid feeling like a "degenerate" or "beta"

dude you are a great friend. You’re an amazing producer who sees music like a language. Definitely a rare breed. Love you homie

I've been missing these interview videos for a while and this one was a perfect one to come back to. Thank you for being open and honest about your experiences, I've been crying and laughing and then crying again while listening.

Agree ❤

210k views in 6 days is nothing to be ashamed about Dr. K.

I feel like this video in particular has stopped at, minimum, 1 actual violent/deadly crime. A school shooter, or a rampager, or a hate crime IDK, but this energy here is what causes people to get there. As someone who came SO close a few times when I was jacob's age and really relate, I see it so clearly.

and thanks so much to people like jacob who come up and be vulnerable.. what one person says, thousands think...

Amen! If Dr. K were to stop everything but these dialogues, he would still make 98% percent of same the impact on the world, in my opinion

Everytime he does it, it reminds me that we all just need to take a few seconds to think sometimes.

Thank you

Giga massive chad. 🗿🍷

Ends at 2:40:34

Was looking for this. Thanks!

Jacob*

@@victor_734 good eye, sir. That typo had no chance. Not when you're on duty. Thank you

@@okaySam no worries man ;)

Is there a link?

That is amazing. I'm reading comments while listening to the intro and I'm in awe. I don't need to think of how to one up and add more caution for every not great or downright bad situation. Just that it shouldn't have happened like that but it wasn't my fault. Phew. This is gonna stick. Gonna watch the interview now. Hope all goes as well as it can for you!

Thanks for reminding me of this. It's so painfully obvious, but I was completely blind to this as well.

“I’m not gonna surrender” hit me hard, I never realized that was anger

That extreme focus on individual responsibilty is also a thing that has been pereptuated in the neo-liberal era with Margret Thatcher and Ronald Reagan. People always knew that we are a society where people rely on each other. You're never completely at fault for all of your problems. The outside world, work, loss of touch with the natural world, alienation, your past all are real things.

I'll generally let people walk all over me as well. I don't do it intentionally but as a response to not having any other better way to react. Generally socializing is an exception and not a rule for me, so I just tell people the first thing that comes to mind so they can leave me alone. If I'm to blame for something, then I could disagree, but agreeing is the fastest way to end the conversation. I never do it because it's logical or will resolve the situation. I'm fairly sure I do it because it'll end the conversation. I've had people tell me that they find it weird/fun that they can just push me around without a reaction. I've had people tell me that they're more brutal then they should with me because I don't push back and so they let themselves go more easily. I guess those are all true; socialization requires pushing back, otherwise the other person might go off the rails. Kinda weird to understand social skills but not being able to make use of them in practice.

How old are you now?

@@VioletEmerald Most unecessary question. Most people ask that question to evaluate wether its too late for them to try the same. Its NEVER to late.

​@@snakeace0I like the unnecessary judgement

@Vwerlg *spidermen pointing at eachother*

You make it sound really simple, you definitely prepared beforehand somehow. How did you even form a healthy enough relationship first try?

Yes this is actually one of the main symptoms of BPD too and many people with BPD score high on ACE test

I also am very careful who I trust. People have used it against me when I confided in them. It often feels like anything I say can and will be used against me. However, I still try to share things when I'm really down to co-regulate. I see it as a test. Some people pass the test, some fail it. When I'm vulnerable, I expose energy vampires faster

Oh man, I was there. You need to transform this anger into self boundaries. I was a total victim, until I started commanding respect. It was hard only in the beginning. You can get stronger. I learned it in my late 30s too. You will be able to trust people, if you feel deep in you they are to regret they hurt you. It is not a change you can get overnight. But in a few months you can build new neurological pathways. Plus it is common these days to not have many friends - most people lost sense of themselves,of honor and loyalty, they are empty netflix-consuming shells. It is completely normal to distrust people, until you find out their true nature. But there are people who can be trusted, and who could enrich your life powerfully. We are social species, despite this plastic era, it is worth to give it a try. One question - have you ever checked yourself for ADHD? Or autism? I am both. Finding out was a real game changer, to know that this can be named, and managed, what is happening to me on various levels.

​@@beedesign7457yeah, nothing reveals human nature better. It allows to filter out the people whom you do not want around.

Good luck man. Hope your situation improves

​@@beedesign7457this IS maybe fucked up advice but If you wana Gage someone you could just Make up something vuonerable info and share IT with them and see If theyr trustworthy or not.... Itse a bit manipulative but There IS a Lot of snakes out there lol

Dankeschön. Ich habe nicht den Mut diesen Kommentar auf Deutsch zu schreiben, also werde ich auf Englisch weitermachen. Unfortunately as I am still learning, I would only be able to write this in broken German lol. Thanks for the comment and I hope you find peace in your life, as well as the answers you're looking for. It's been very hard for me and I feel like 2.5 hours is only enough to scratch the surface, but I'm glad I helped so many yesterday. Viel Glück.

Same ❤️ I hope he finds his people.

Sounds like depression my dude

@@Outstanding_Gal I said the same to my therapist but she told that I am not depressed just suffering from Moral OCD. I know they are just making fool out of me.

@@Rishabh-Dev no, it makes sense. It sounds like a reasonable explanation

@@Outstanding_Gal Whats your motivation in life?

@Rishabh-Dev Meeting new people everyday and improving at my hobbies and job. I also travel a lot, so that's something I look forward to as well

Γκόμενά βρήκες ή όχι ακόμη;

Talk to your therapist about THIS as a goal or find a new therapist or HealthyGamerGG coach on this as a topic, connection with others. You need to heal yourself and your boys will be able to learn so much from you.

It's such a complex topic to discuss. There are so many avenues of entertainment that astonish us and distract us from: accepting our traumas, healing from traumas, accepting boredom, and finding motivation. In my experience, most of my closest friends are depressed as well. I theorize that our depression stems from the awareness of the world's condition, such as: the lack of consideration for mental health. For myself, the solution I came up with is to accept the world for what it is. I wished for everybody to be as "aware" (emotional intelligence, mental health, neuroscience, etc) and considerate, but that would also curse them with the depression that comes along as a result. I learned not to pity the ignorant but rather envy them, and it has helped me to better engage with the "average human." My greatest bond is the one I have with my wife and children; and that, for me, is so fulfilling that I seek not to establish any new friendships. Unfortunately, in your circumstances, you are not likely to develop as strong of a presence in your children's lives due to responsibilities, work, and time constraints as a single mother. The fact that you are concerned with your children's upbringing already proves that you are considerate. The best analogy I can come up with in regards to children is to be like a "big dog to a small dog." In order for the small dog to be completely engaged in the relationship, the bigger dog must submit on occasions (lying on its back and assuming a lower posture than the smaller animal), otherwise, the small dog is overpowered and discouraged. The that occasion is during play. The problem is that the small dog is not obligated to play with the big dog at all. The best way to encourage play is to be wholesomely silly and develop imagination. Be playfully ridiculous, and more bombastic than any Michael Bay movie - that will surely attract and maintain your children's attention better than a Disney movie. In other words, to be more involved in your children's lives, you have to be involved in their passions/hobbies, and be such a fun mom that they seek your presence more than any form of entertainment. There are good men out there, and some of them are socially challenged, so you kind of have to pry in order to find one. And here are some parameters that I would suggest when choosing a father figure for your children: aloof and pure. Anything else has potential for insecure toxicity. Basically, you wanna find yourself a good-natured, competent silly-ninny.

Thats the typical ADHD brain for you. You only ever get to changing yourself when everything around you is burning. Luckily its also a brain that excels in chaotic environments, so the chances of repairing your life are also not bad. "As long as you're genuine, I think it's ok to be a little cold" Sometimes. Not always. Just because youre genuine doesnt mean you cant be genuinely wrong about something. Only be cold when Harm is in the equation, wether its self harm or others. Other than that, being cold is just not fun to be around, and if you accept that and dont want friends around, then thats totally fine as long as you are happy and not deluding yourself.

I was exactly like that too, until about a year or two ago. Worse, in fact. It was one stage to speak, even if I could be wrong about what I say. Then, it was another stage to ask people about their siblings and their mornings. And no, that's not how your brain is wired, stfu

@@snakeace0 it's a complicated situation tbf. I do enjoy listening to people, and I always let them know about it, so if they wanna talk - I'll gladly listen. And if there is something that genuinely interests me about someone, be it their personality or just some event in their life - I will ask no problem. My main problem is when it's just a routine, normal day, so I don't really have anything to ask. "How was your day?". Sure, but I will get the same "nothing much, just chilling" every time and that'll be it

@@theodorealenas3171 the brain is elastic, I know that, and 99% of it can be changed if you wanted to. But there's no reason for me to spend time and energy to rewire something so deeply rooted.

@@iluxa-4000 but you won't retire tomorrow. Even if changing comes at a high price and makes a small difference, it will still pay off eventually.

*insightful

​@@suzanneemerson2625 nah, Jacob was inciting mad beef

I know many burned Out people. First Benzodiazepines can Help (Only 1-3 weeks and only with a doctor!!!!! If you Take them for a Long Periode it's hell!) And other medicafions and then MBSR therapy can Help + many Changes in your life If it's possible. ❤

@@Oma_Wetterwachs Not wise to recommend drugs without a clinical diagnosis first, pal

I would love to do it, but it's too much :/

@@LFanimes333 This is the reason why I Said "Only with a doctor!". Meds are Not Candy.

Meds don´t help you to believe in yourself. Belief doesn´t come from subconscious mind itself, belief comes from conscious mind. But belief is affected 95 percent by subconscious mind program. Only way to get out, is to not believe your self-limited thoughts to be 100 percent true, because they are not 100 percent true, and scientists say it too.

Ok... but, what if... you can't have empathy? I've had empathy for others (at times) but often I come to the conclusion that I don't have empathy when it matters. Like when person's friend dies and I wont really feel anything at all for them, which (as I understand it) I should, but I'll just feel nothing, not even numb but just no difference at all. I want to help those people, and my lack of emotions make me unable to help them at all. The best I've done in those kinds of situation was quickly find the best logical solution when other's were blind due to being so distressed. I'm the person at a funeral that probably wont cry unless I've known the person extremely well, because seeing people cry doesn't make me sad, and seeing people happy can make me happy or sad or angry, so again no empathy in either cases. I'm just saying that if your plan relies on empathy... then there's a big problem for anyone who doesn't have enough of it. Perhaps empathy could be trained or something, I don't know, but I feel like asking someone about their story who I don't care about is just a good way to have all those emotions pass way over my head. I couldn't care less about what life was like for you, not because I hate you or anything, but because I wont feel anything if you tell me about it.

Great comment

It starts with awareness. Without awareness of what you’re feeling, thinking, desire, want, need, you will never find the middle ground of detachment. The middle is where peace is and sitting with everything gives you that opportunity to experience caring but not caring

I wish i too was heard sometimes

@RahulSharma-oq2ut Listen more.... You'll be surprised how heard you are When you are ready you will talk.

Top G

he has a nice hairpiece for sure

PS: Wish I could look like I still get carded at bars when I'm 41, holy shit.