Wow, dealing with someone who 'does not love you enough to fight for you' really hit me. That type of rejection really HURTS, I'm trying to get past that now. It's heart wrenching

All failed relationships hurt, but losing someone who dosent appreciate and respect u is actually a gain, not a loss. Edit: Old account, you probably won't see this but I'm glad to see this comment helped some of you.

"It's really difficult to deal with... Loving someone so much when they don't love you enough to fight for you. It really, it makes you question your own self-worth."

"When they don't even love you enough to fight for you." killed me.

“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.” That last one. So hard to do.

Thank you everyone for being so kind and supportive. I am truly touched!

Being in a breakup is one of the best things that can ever happen to someone. It gives you a moment to reflect on yourself.

Heartbreak is the symptom that you have a soul

This quote got to me: "It's really difficult to deal with... Loving someone so much when they don't love you enough to fight for you" You can be right (in your own mind) or you could be happy. The world truly DOES need more people to be more honest with themselves.

This audio is terrible :( please upload a better version TEDx!!!

He and I do not want the same things. One person cannot be the whole relationship. It takes two. Since he does not love me, that is my proof that he is not the one meant for me. I cut the spiritual ropes that bind us. I free him to fulfill his dreams. I free myself to fulfill my own. I release him with love. I shall love again.

just because he didn't cheat or lie doesn't classify it as being the all time worst heart break. you can still hear the pain in her voice, you can hear how much she suffered from it. when you love someone so much it doesn't matter what they did to end it, it ended, and you're broken. I know the feeling. I went into a deep dark depression, been in a hospital twice, still struggling. this all happened after my heart break. my life started falling apart. I learned he didn't love me enough to fight for me. he did lie to me a lot, when he saw me slipping away he came back into my life and then disappeared again. he treated me so terribly after the relationship I don't know if I'll ever be in another relationship with full trust again... she said even after 2 years of not speaking she fell right back into him. obviously she truly cared for this guy, if she was willing to drop everything for him. I know the feeling. it fucking HURTS when they don't appreciate everything you do for them.

Does anyone feel that the sound is breaking up?

The cruel irony is that you must throw yourself fully into a relationship in order for it to thrive, but this leaves you completely vulnerable. It's devastating when it ends after many years together, and it's easy to question why you are so unlovable. Why you gave your all, and it still wasn't enough?! In my experience, it's different for girls than guys, as guys don't like to talk about it..

the same thing happened to me. i fell in love so deeply with someone who didn't love me enough to fight for me. when everything fell apart it was like a huge slap in the face. it is painful to have to go through a heartbreak like this, but at the same time I'd like to look at it as a blessing. it pushes me forward and i am so very grateful for it and i know that in a way i was saved from giving myself away too much to someone who won't do the same. it is a blessing in disguise. put yourself first. i discover self love and nothing or no one can take that away from me

My ex bf didn't fight for me and that still hurts like fuck. It hurts your self worth, even when you know it says more about them than it does about you. Loved this :)

You are responsible for your own happiness. Things that don't work out give you better opportunities. Don't be stuck with someone... find your own happiness.

Going through it right now guys, all stages. Disbelief, sadness, anger(the scariest), hopelessness.

I’m happy i decided to choose myself over the toxic and empty relationship.he kept saying he loves me but his actions were saying something else!!

It's like a jolt back to my heartbreak when I hear her describe how the person you loved does not make the effort to fight for you makes you feel essentially worthless.

I remember watching this video on 2015 when my boyfriend and I broke up. It was an awful breakup. We were living together and the process of moving out was excruciating. I had never experienced that much pain in my life. I was 100% convinced that he was the one. But there I was, letting him go because unfortunately I didn't seem to be his "the one". I remember watching this video and sobbing when this girl broke down, right when she said "It's really difficult to deal with... Loving someone so much when they don't love you enough to fight for you" because it really hit home. So I started moving on even though I just knew that I could never love someone as much as I loved him... Fast forward 5 months and I ran into him again, we started talking, we started hanging out and we got back together. I didn't want to go back to what our relationship was in the past so we went to therapy. We got engaged, shortly after we eloped in Vegas. I'm now planning our big wedding abroad (this October) where we can get to celebrate our love with our loved ones. I was right all along, he was, is and will always be THE one. I just had to come back to this video and tell my story. Just because something doesn't seem to go right, doesn't mean you can't fix it. Sometimes taking a step back is all you need to really figure things out. Therapy really helped us, we have never been so happy. We are now trying to bring a baby into this world (wish us luck!). I came across this video after my breakup, I'm sure most people on here are going thru the same thing. Take a step back, take a deep breath and keep fighting for what you want. xoxox!

Extra heartbreaking when you're a mother & need to hide your hurt from you kid/s whilst still trying to move on & do all the things she mentions.

The people who are whining about her personal heartbreak story is missing the point. It didn't have to be about her boyfriend; it could have been any kind of relationship (parent/friend/etc). It took being battered to your core via questions of self-worth when someone who is 'supposed' to love you doesn't, resulting in feeling naked, vulnerable, and not in control of your emotions anymore... in order to find the real meaning of self-awareness and humility. But from there, it's finally possible to discover who you are and what actually makes you feel fulfilled in life. Thanks for this Emma.

Being heartbroken is no joke

When they don't love you enough to fight for you, it tears at your self-esteem. So true!

I love my ex. She dumped me for an old boyfriend who threatened me. She didn't fight for our relationship. Really sucks. Now I have to rebuild, even through my tears.

Twice I’ve rearranged my entire life and moved for a guy (one boyfriend, one husband). Both times it blew up in my face. My advice for anyone would be to treat partners like they’re a part of your life, never your whole life - it’s just not healthy and you’re left with a whole lot of nothing when it ends. Hollywood would have us believe you have to be ‘all in’ but that should not include giving up jobs and homes, etc, if you know deep down you don’t want to give those things up, don’t.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. This...wow. I needed to hear this. I went through a terrrrrrrrrrible heartbreak last year, but now my life has taken a beautiful new direction. However, it only started going that way once I realized that my heart had moved on, and my head was the only thing holding me in mopeyland. I feel so good, awesome, and authentic now that I've started being honest with myself, even though at first it was incredibly painful. Push through the bullsh!t ladies!

7 years in a relationship, and she didn’t want to fight for me when i was fighting for us

I’m going through a divorce, and this is something I really needed to hear. I am done lying to myself that it was a loving relationship. I’m done lying that it was true love, bc it really wasn’t. No love is perfect, but I want a genuine imperfect love rather than false love. Thank you 🙏 it is my turn!

THAT FEELING…..when u think you are in a relationship equal in love and passion and a desire to be together…..and then are hit by a nuclear blast of it not being reality. When the person you were ready to give your EVERYTHING to, does not see u as worth doing the same….it is too much. It is not recoverable. But it def would have been much worse to have found that out AFTER being with that person longer. So, it is the lesser of two soul poisoning options.

Being heartbroken was the hardest part of my life, there were sleepless nights and endless tears coming from my eyes without even noticing it. But I'm still lucky because that pain made me become a completely different person. Time is really an absolute healer because I was able to gather the broken pieces of my life and come back stronger than ever.

Having to break up with someone you love is terrible. I left everything for my ex. I left my country, my family, my job and my friends, to go live with him after a (almost) 3 years relationship. After 3 months living together, and the last weeks crying almost every day, I realized I deserved better. I discovered a completely different person. Imagine how shook I was and how lost I was feeling, realizing that after almost 3 years I still didn't know that person. I was so so SO disappointed. At him, and at myself. I kept asking myself "how didn't you notice how he really is?" and I realized I just kept ignoring the "red flags". I kept forgiving every little thing that I didn't like because I loved him unconditionally and I wanted to make him forget his past, make him live a better life, and help him becoming a better person. He told me that I deserve better, that he knows he's not good enough for me, that he never loved anyone like he loves me, that I'm the perfect woman... But I guess I wasn't as perfect as he said, because he didn't fight for me. I broke up with him last week and I came back to my country, and he didn't do anything but say sorry. How can you say that someone is the love of your life, but push her to leave? I would've done everything for him (just as I did for 3 years), but I now know that he couldn't do the same. It made me question my self-worth sometimes... But I want to think he did it for me, that he let me go because I deserved better... It's so hard to let go someone you love so much and someone you idealized. I had so many dreams and I couldn't see my future without him. I'm so sad and so disappointed. But even if I can't see the light at the end of the tunnel right now, I know I will feel better, I will be happy again, I will trust again, and I will find someone that will give me the love I keep trying to give everyone else.

“When we lie to ourselves, we also lie to everyone else, including those that we love and care about the most”

Wow I loved this video. I just broke up with my now ex, and this put a smile on my face and my mind at ease. I was totally lying to myself. I felt like I was screaming inside of myself at times... I'll never ignore my intuition again.

The timing to watching this video couldn't have been more right. Just reconnected with a past relationship after no contact for 2 years. Realizing that I was in denial throughout all these years of closing that chapter in my life and putting it in a box and moving on like it never happened. When it re-opened all these old emotions came back with it but finally this time around, closure was also included. Thank you for re-affirming that the one person I needed to be honest with was myself. Onwards and upwards to greater things.

Loving someone so much when they don't love you enough to fight for you! Amazing

I started listening to this video without actually watching it, and as she described her life before... I imagined her; unhappy, messy hair, depressing clothing etc. (It all depends on how you picture it) And then I looked at the video, and I was truly amazed. I look at her and you can't really tell she's been through so much. I've been through something similar as her, and I bet most women have, and it gives me hope. That someday I'll see myself and think, "it was worth it."

Wow. This is my life.....exactly where I am in this moment. Ty for speaking so honestly.

when she says" I thought if I tried hard enough to make things work, they would." I can relate to that on so many levels. I have really been hung up on that belief for the last few days, I keep thinking but I tried so hard, nobody can say I haven't tried, I tried my best, I tried and failed...I shouldn't have tried. Not to say that you don't have to try to make it work occasionally in a good relationship, but the one that just ended for me, wasn't good. I painted a picture of what I was trying to achieve in that relationship, I had a goal, a plan, and I was hyper focused on the end result, I took red flags and turned them into head bands, and scarfs and table napkins and handkerchiefs anything other than what they actually were. I guess I just thought with enough effort on my part, he would start to care about me as much as I had him. Love is a gift. You cant earn it. I know that now.

Man, its hard fighting for someone sometimes. One finds himself wondering if he'd fight for himself.

Challenges (like "I don't want to fight to have you in my life") are blessings in disguise: you've been spared. Nothing to be sad about.

I watched this because my boyfriend broke up with me yesterday. I am trying to eat and get out of bed, but the pain is unbearable. I can't stop crying and overthinking. It is hard indeed just like you said, when you love someone that doesn't love you back and doesnt want to fight for the love. Eventhough he hurt me so badly, I still want him back. It's just, everything comes with an ending and so will my heartbreak. But it's hard to believe that's true. Because now it feels like it will never end.

This man was amazing enough to make a girl like this, a girl who is intelligent, incredibly beautiful, extremely motivated fall head over heals for him? He must be a very good looking successful guy himself! He probably didn't fight for her because he was probably seeing another girl she didn't know about or he had options other than her and he knew it. To him he was probably thinking " Why go through all this trouble when I can see someone local?" This guy didn't care because girls were probably always throwing themselves at him and he had no motivation to pursue her and only her. From her perspective she was thinking " I've found the perfect man I'm going to be with forever!" To him it was just another relationship. To him all she was, was an experience and now a memory he'll add to the list of ex girlfriends. To her he was apart of her life.

I have never related to anything more in my life. YES, it's not just the person leaving, it's how our SELF-WORTH comes into play. THAT is what's absolutely crushing. And YES, it's about lying to OURSELVES more than the failed relationship. How we can lie to ourselves for YEARS and endure horrible hardships along the way, desperately sticking a band-aid on everything that is broken. It's the fact that we're CAPABLE of such self-deceit. Who am I if I'm willing to make a fool out of myself only to accept something that is not good enough, that doesn't honour who I am, that does me harm? These thoughts are plaguing my mind as my ex has found new love, not long after our breakup. And I LOVED her to pieces. I would've done anything to be with her, if only she had been as invested as me. All this time she swore I was the love of her life and still believes she won't love anybody this way again, BUT she has some real issues with dealing with long-distance. So I don't really know. I'm sick to my stomach thinking I won't be the one with her AND that I lied to myself all this time. I ignored all the signs. I tried to fix by myself what could only be fixed by two people. It didn't work. It wasn't there. I question my self-worth every day. I don't feel like enough. Like I will never be enough for anyone. It's not in me.

you know, one of my best friends and I actually became so close because of our terrible break-ups. It's like there was mutual understanding, so we just kept talking and sharing until we both felt better. Now we are both happy, healthy individuals leading fulfilling lives. So a big thanks to both of our exes: we would not have met or become best friends if y'all hadn't made us so miserable first.

“As soon as I saw him I knew I was in real trouble” DANG I FELT THAT

As soon as she said the part of others not willing to fight for you and how it really makes you question your own self worth...as soon as she said that I just started crying...it hurts alot..

what helps me is music,i soak myself in good music and rejuvenate

"When they don't love you enough to fight for you" hit's me hard right now

I love what she says about intuition... I always listen to my intuition and it never failed me.

Totally feeling that you love too much and the other one doesn't love the same

It is so hard being broken heart most when your ex is cuddling with another new one while u are crying in the bed

They dont love you not because you are unlovable its because they dont know how to love you, if they know how to love, they must have not let you heart broken.

:'( 7:08 made me cry when I heard what she said with a shaky voice

Those comments bagging Emma cos her heartbreak wasn't bad enough seen to have missed how objectively she dealt with her personnel learning from the event. Here's a gold medal to pin on your chest for having a winning heartbreak! Here's one for Emma actually learning from it, unlike those who think it's some sort of competition.. Thanks Emma!

“It’s really hard, loving someone so much when they don’t love you enough to fight for you. It makes you question your own self-worth.” 😔❤️

She's such an intelligent and honest individual and her speech is really inspiring

I watched this 3 years ago and this was the video that helped me kickstart my growth

I got closer to my friends. To my family. Focused on my goals. I'm going to therapy. She did something I could never do which was leave for good. I am free. She is free. It will get better

So much of this resonated with me. Such comfort in knowing heartbreak is inevitable in life and the immeasurable strength that is gained from things that initially make us feel so incredibly helpless. Thank you Emma.

I watched this 3 years ago while experiencing my 1st heartbreak. rewatching this today, and while still hurting, i realize how long I've come. thank you, emma, for opening your heart to us. hugs from the states. how i wish to have a coffee and give you a big 'thank you' hug. i wish you much joy in your journey.

7:01 - 7:15 .. I felt the pain in her throat. I felt those words so deep. I felt that so much. It hurts so much..

I’m completely heartbroken. I did so much for her. I fought battles for her, I was there for her whenever she needed me. I supported her in everything she needed support in. I sacrificed so much for her. I called her beautiful everyday, I said she looked amazing everyday. I was 110 percent committed to her. And she wasn’t. I completely lost myself I’m in so much pain. Hopefully one day I can be like Emma and achieve my goals.

No one can give you the love that parents and partners couldn't except you! Learning to love yourself the way you would love a child in pain, or a newborn or a puppy. Daily practise of self love is the only solution

One day you'll realize that romantic heartbreaks aren't the worst heartbreaks after all. Romantic heartbreaks are related to one's ego more than anything, unless of course this was your true soulmate. It's nice that you got to tell your story, and clearly you're still hurting but honestly you can't fill the holes in your heart with merit badges.

I keep this quote handy when ever heartbreak happens: you have so many extraordinary gifts; how can you expect to lead an ordinary life? - Little Women It's just a reminder that we are all complicated and special; and meant for greater things. When we hurt it is a signal to us that we have not reached our potential; rather are in the process of obtaining it. I loved this lecture. It really hit home and I was fascinated that someone else could express what I have felt so deeply and personal. There was a strange sort of comfort to have my pain be reflected back in such a safe way so I could gain perspective. Thank you Emma.

watching this 9 years later, I hope she's happy now.

This video is what helped me get through my breakup! Love this and a year later I still watch it every now and then :)

Such a great talk. When people that are supposed to love you don't even fight for you, it's a clear sign that they just don't love you enough. That means it's not your fault - the relationship was always going to fail because there was not a mutual investment. Realising this is so helpful. I can finally get the closure I need concerning certain relationships. Thank you!

Emma Gibbs is wonderful. Great speaker! Thanks!

I couldn't agree more ! I felt so good after my heartbreak, I felt like I finally found the real me. Amazing talk !

Amazing talk - absolute vulnerability!

the conflict between head and heart fades when you no longer feel for them as only once has anyone made me so cold towards them due to the realisation that someone doesn't care enough to make time for me when they only live 20 minutes away! I feel like this is a harsher version of what i'm going through.

Damn she spoke from her heart 😊 it's painfull when the other half don't correspond to your effort or does not even show signs to try work the realationship ! Good hope you are at a better place Emma Gibbs 💓

Thank you, for making me realise everything I needed to, and for giving me the hope that I'm not alone in how I feel. You are so inspiring and any heartbroken person should see this.

7:00 I have been through that and every time I listen to these words, I feel like it just happened all over again !

I’m here in 2017 4 days out of a 7 year relationship and it has been an emotional roller coaster!

I cried throughout all of this! This helped me put my life in a different perspective.

Thank you for the honest courageous talk. It resonates with me as I went through the exact experience: feeling so free and good when I’m supposed to be devastated after the breakup. Instead, the only thing I’m disappointed about was ignoring my own voice and judgment. You are amazing and brave for fighting for your plans and for sticking with who you are.

This story reminds so much of me, how I felt after my breakup with my ex.. I opted for a quicker method, but you know what... after all it's all about knowing your limits. What are you willing to take? How much integrity do you have with yourself? Thanks for sharing.

Heartbreak was the best thing that ever happened to me as well. I learn that I cannot deal or handle a relationship, so I have never gotten into or will get into a relationship anymore. I cannot deal with the emotional baggage after its over. Heartbreak sucks, and I realize I don't need it. I don't need to be a father, I have my niece and nephew that fulfills my heart, that I don't need to have children because I have them. I don't need to be a husband, or boyfriend, fiancee' because I cannot deal with the secrets, truths, and lies we all tell each other, and the ever comprimisng bullshit that follows. I may not be happy, or the way happy is suppose to be. But I no longer have Heartbreak, or Heartache. I have learned that I don't need it, I believe I did. But I don't.

I can relate so much, my hearbreak it's been so hard and painful, but I've never felt so empowered and true to myself as right now. The breakup gave me the power that I've lost in all my projects, job and spiritual growth, it made me want to heal myself for real and stop lying to myself. It's giving me the opportunitie to love myself like I never did before and trought the pain it feels so amazing. Can't wait for what is next!

I've never felt more relieved to hear something. Thank you Emma Gibbs.

Wow! When someone can speak from the heart from an experience like Ms. Gibbs describes and be thankful for her misfortune, it really helps me to have hope that I can get through my own heartache and be grateful for the experience. Healing takes time and patience and I feel so sad, but it's talk and wisdom like this that will aid me in getting through another day.

I never comment on videos ha. But this one, I had to. I just wanted to say thank you Mrs. Gibbs, for giving me courage and also for making me believe that what I also thought wasn't bullshit. I've had similar issues in the past and still continue to question myself about what I truly want and think. It is difficult, but I want to see it more the way you did. Thank you so much for the inspiration.

my last real heartbreak litterally nearly killed my. the downfall created an emotional black hole and the strength i grew from pulling away from it made me not need anyone which has caused another problem. now i push people away.

Amazing. I love how she ties together the concepts of relationship heart-break with self-honesty. Its a concept and reality that is hard to confront, but once confronted a lot of the negative emotion seems to release, to allow for a greater clarity and vision of what is truly important

the audio on this is fucked up. please repost this with better audio. i can barely understand her.

This is beautiful and amazing. It's inspiring and it connects those of us who are hurting or grieving over a lost relationship alone. Grieving and healing are certainly non-linear. Thank you.

Thanks I need to hear this! My 2.5 year love didn't want to fight for me either...I'm heartbroken..Your vid has given me hope...thank you!

Thank you for being real and vulnerable and sharing your story. I see a beautiful person here.

I've been lying to myself for so long. I'm so glad things worked out for you! Thanks for the hope!

this works both way of course. its a horrid feeling, no matter how actually handsome, intelligent and kind you are,you question yourself. its that feeling of loneliness and worthlessness that really bites at me. neither does it help that many stunning women are so self-obsessed and attention seeking it becomes almost impossible to connect yet for some bizzare reason you still chase her. great video and good to hear things like this.

This hits home, my fiancé broke up with me and started dating her friend who she swore was just her friend. The pain is immense. I feel like I've been in an alternate fog for 3 months. I know it will be okay but damn, it hurts so bad!

Just watched this again almost a year after 1st watching it. Now I understand exactly what Emma means. What a powerful and extremely thought provoking piece of work. Thankyou Emma for doing this piece. Truly inspiring and so very helpful. I'm a 62 yr old guy, a Brit, who came out of 18 yrs of trying to make a plan work that I knew I didn't want, and 2 yrs of abuse from a woman with NPD where I again chased a plan I knew a. olden;t work, and b. didn't want it to yet chased it anyway. Tks Emma.

Thank you for being so open and real. It was good to hear the real emotion break through in your voice. I have been feeling the exact same way for very similar reasons. Thank you for sharing.

Oh my God. You're wonderful. You make me realise that it's all within us, all the answers. All there is left is to discover it.

Heartbreak is something that you can't explain how hurtful you are. And I don't know what to do. My boyfriend just want a break up to me just now and I don't know what to do. I am hurt and it is painful

It is definitely hard when you love a person so much and he can't find time for you because he is too busy with work and yet he tells you he loves you