So, you think you’re ready to have sex?
Well, let's take a second here because I don’t just want you to think you’re ready.
I want you to know you're ready.
Because it should be entirely your decision.
And that’s the first question you should ask yourself: is the decision to have sex coming from
me or someone else?
Pressure should never be the reason you have sex.
Sex should be consensual. Consent is when both people agree to sex without being pressured
or manipulated. It’s never ok for a partner to ignore your “no’s” or body language or give you
an ultimatum - like “have sex or we’ll break up.” . It’s also important to talk about what you
want to do and what you don’t want to do, listen to your partner’s answers to these questions,
and respect each other’s boundaries.
But pressure doesn’t only come from a partner - it can come from society, your friends or the
Media. Maybe you’re thinking you should have sex because everyone else your age is “doing it” … but guess what? The average age that people have sex for the first time is 17 years old.
So, if you’re thinking about having sex “to get it over with”, or because it will make you more popular or help you feel older, then you’re probably not ready to have sex.
Your decision to have sex for the first time - any kind of sex, however you define it - is a
super personal decision that only you can make for yourself.
Here are some questions that may help figuring out if you’re ready.
What are your personal values - the qualities and behaviors that are important to you? How do they fit in with having sex right now?
Would people who care about you support your decision? And how important is their support to you?
Once you feel confident that you’re choosing to have sex because you want to, it’s time to think about what you want physically out of your experience. Remember -- there are no wrong answers here!
Do you want to have oral, vaginal, or anal sex - give, receive, or both? Are fingers on genitals okay? Do you have any no touch zones?
And beyond the physical part, what emotional needs do you need out of the experience?
Do you want to be in a committed relationship before having sex? Does your partner want that? Are you okay with each other’s expectations?
It’s a good idea to talk all this through before having sex.
The person you decide to have sex with should give you a space that's judgment free, caring
and consensual so that you both feel safe - emotionally and physically. Do you respect and
trust this person? Do they respect and trust you?
Think about the pros and cons of having sex, as well as the risks.
If and when you're ready, sex can be really great - physically and emotionally. It can, among other things, give you a lot of pleasure, help you relieve stress, bond with your partner, and strengthen your relationship. But it can also be not great, or lead to STIs or unplanned pregnancy. Do you feel comfortable talking with your partner about safer sex and using things like condoms or dams? If you’re thinking about penis-in-vagina sex, are you prepared with birth control? Have you thought about how you might feel, emotionally, after having sex? And do you have someone you can talk to about it if some feelings come up that you weren’t expecting?
There's lots to think about. Talking through your decision with someone you trust - a parent,
older sibling, a close friend- may be helpful. And one last thing. Some people choose to never have sex - that’s totally okay, too. How important sex is in your life can also change over time - so don't worry if it’s not something you’re interested in right now or ever -- sexuality and sexual desire are feelings that are unique and different for everyone.
Bottom line: the decision to have sex is yours and yours alone, and it’s something you should
feel good about
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Planned Parenthood is the nation’s leading provider and advocate of high-quality, affordable health care for women, men, and young people, as well as the nation’s largest provider of sex education. With more than 600 health centers across the country, Planned Parenthood organizations serve all patients with care and compassion, with respect and without judgment. Through health centers, programs in schools and communities, and online resources, Planned Parenthood is a trusted source of reliable health information that allows people to make informed health decisions. We do all this because we care passionately about helping people lead healthier lives.