Koda03 😂🤣😂

haa good one

🤣🤣🤣🤣

🤣😂😂😂

Lmao 🤣🤣🤣🤣

0

@@andreavanda5402 you know it was Sam vaknin lol it's excellent though, what a video love it

I thought this guy keep trying to say something, but he was so intimidated by Vaknin that he couldn't bring himself to speak

Absolutely appreciated!

Lol!! I didn’t know what was going on. I thought it was a narcissist standing behind him trying to steal the spotlight 😂😂😂

That’s exactly what happened. He said our relationship wasn’t working so he started a relationship with someone else saying how she’s better than me

With the girl who used to bully me in high school

@@SG-pd9mf That's extremely typical. They will attempt to align themselves with anyone who views you in the same light or someone they can easily manipulate to see you in the light they do after the discard and they're always the victim in their version of events and coincidentally it's usually another narcissist or a long time enabler. They will then deploy this individual as needed, your own biological family members if available

@@SG-pd9mf "saying how she's better than me" sounds like there is still some contact. Like the teachings here, simply reverse the pattern internally and then go no contact and stay no contact.

@@kahrmensandiego omg that makes so much sense I genuinely couldn’t imagine why he would do that but I get it now. You just opened my eyes. She is also very mean she became a model so I know she always thought she was better than me

Such hope....so needed. But there does seem like aight at the end of the tunnel. Thanks. 👍👍

Thank you ❤

So sad. It is best to disengage from the narcissist completely. I would not want to live if I was a narcissist.

Thanks sure hope you are right

😢

09:30 there is nobody here

Yeah, they're full of demons.

Alfred Adler wrote about this. It's only scary when a person first realizes that the persona is indeed like an onion, many layers of ego formed around traumas that are peeled away as we work to heal each trauma through cognitive re-evaluation. In the end, we are empty, like an infant, and we realize we are alone with the universe, but we are also part of it. It's not frightening at all once a person accepts they are but a tiny fragment of something far bigger than their own identity, something eternal by our comprehension and all-powerful... but one has to give up the motives of the selfish ape. The narcissist simply skips the healing part and jumps right into the godhood state of mind, feeling all-powerful, yet pulled constantly back into the unhealed traumas via the mechanism of karma. They externalize their own abuses. This is how the victim becomes the abuser and maintains the motives of the ape.

I took a picture of him he was not there

I think this is the end of the world, loss of real humans and remains the soul less robot, a narcissist

Not at all. Sometimes they’re overindulged and spoiled as children, idolized and adored by their parents and can do no wrong.

@@fxllenluc.2955 he mentions this in another video, it’s when the praise is taken away. Like child stars… have so many have issues. They crave that attention when it’s taken away. The best way to relate to this feeling is a break up with a romantic partner.

I agree!

@@fxllenluc.2955 that is also trauma.

​@@andrewamata yeah it's still parental abuse for sure

That is the best answer I’ve ever heard, thank you. A person of that way of selfishness can not be fixed. 🇮🇪

Easier said than done, but I agree 100% Thank you

10000000% after 33 years I’ve seen it all. They.Don’t.Change!!! They only ramp up. I promise you you’re better off alone than to endure this for even 6 months! GET OUT☠️☠️☠️

@@dotdashdotdash 70%?? this is what scares me so much! I just went no contact with my narcissistic lover and it is very hard for me to keep it up because I fell deeply in love with him 4 years ago. Strange as it seems, his terrible narcissistic actions have diminished my love for him but not completely eradicated my love for him. Im worried that It will.be so hard to find a sane man in this world.

@@stevetrivago True: very hard to do. I just went no contact since 10 days and very hard to keep it up. I just miss the good parts of being with him, eventhough they were very few and far between...

I hope you have found the peace that you deserve 🙏

You were lucky to find out at 16. I didn't find out till a few years ago. I'm 56. I knew there was always something very wrong though. I;m no contact now.

"They live in a world of anger and hatred", this is the determining point 👍

You are BLESSED to realize the importance to leave toxic parents for sanity and self preservation :)

Your family sounds like mine... please describe your dad and how your mom made him hate you. I am asking because I have sensed that is what my mother is doing to me ...

This is rough. Because I really believed he loved me, and it turns out he really did- but he loved me like he loves his favorite brand of tea 😭😭😂

My narcissist partner looks forward to coming home and seeing me again and making pasta with his pasta machine he could not use while being away. We'll have a multiple person dinner. I started to enjoy this relationship as a study. Maybe I became narcissistic too.

My ex bf used to look at himself in the mirror and say. “I don’t even know who I am anymore.” Scary!

I’ve been there.

Eyes are dark and dull...very bland

@@janesantoni3045 hi jane

I experienced the same. They are empty.

I heard that too. Mother is no higher than a 6yr old.

Hence the stroppy capable assertions. Comparitors actually think they don't need the reflective energy/reward the rest of us need. Spoilt deference.

Eww why does this make me feel so gross, like the man I've been sleeping with is actually a child 🤢🤮

Narcs are perfectly usefull in a noguile boundary, but their childish volition makes a hapless upset out of everyone else. I think it's called the new black. God speed the Lord Nobody is a child in an honour above thieves of respect

It certainly won’t hold you back in this society.

Its already everywhere and almost everybody. Atleast where I come from

It's probably why the prophesy of revelation is true and imminent. Spirit development is more difficult to achieve on our own, if narcissism needs a fourth Reich backup of fallen away disbelief. It's stormtroopers and deference arrogance all over again. Only this time covert. Time to value worthiness like never before.

@@elliskent7283 Yes, it does say "knowledge shall increase". Awareness is antidote to deception.

@@Rider3322 ?

@@ladybird491 When all you have to do is want the father's (gift givers) no guile will. All Narcs want is their own guile with the wrong father.

Exactly how I feel too. ❤

Forgiving it's great to set people free.

I don't know if everything he's saying is true. Like why would you trust someone who says you can't trust him. The whole thing about him being bipolar that sounds suspicious to me. The whole losing memory thing. Kind of sounds like a lot of excuses. Which is fitting for a narcissist who thinks that nothing's their fault. And also I think it's quite normal and common for people to have conflicting viewpoints on things. It means that you have an open mind. And as far as personality goes I think personality is something that you develop. If he's a narcissist and don't care about helping people why is he giving this lecture.

@@mr.e7541 okay.

@sam my question is “you said in one of your video that narcissistic is a choice .. so even if no emotions there but there’s mind what is right or wrong ? Why they can’t take themselves out from where’s destroying others with the help of analytical thinking…

You go girl! I wish you a lot of courage, and please keep in mind: waiting doesn't help in any way.

Arm yourself with Trace face it videos as you pack. She really helped me. Remember to be stealth.

Leave ASAP, make a safety plan, invite the help of only people you trust. The longer you wait, the more damage to your psyche you risk. Your physical safety is also extremely important. Please get help and get out.

Sending love ❤️

Freedom from being dominated and controlled is so wonderful and beautiful it is like drinking spring water after walking in a dry desert all your life. The dust and dirt of the relationship don't go away immediately but in time you get clean by washing it off and staying out of the dirt of that relationship.

How did you get through this

Exactly

Wow, This is almost exactly what happened to me. But I am nervous to fully block them and they make contact with me sporadically and I just pretend to be living a boring life. I just don't want to deal with any more stress but I know at some point I have to go no contact.

Yup. Sounds familiar. I feel shell-shocked, and my heart is broken, but I am very strong. I just did a disappearing act on him and know that I have to stay that way. It's hard.

@@irisrose4732 💞

Good for You!💖

That sounds just like my story! Wow!

@@paulettewhite2866Sorry to hear you have been through it too but well done for bossing up like the queen you are! 👏🏽👸🏾 thank you for letting me know I am not alone 🙏🏾

Good like dear and well done 👏👏🙏🙏

I started finding myself and getting more aligned with Source and suddenly in one weekend crazy awesome sex and talk of a ring. I honestly felt the inauthenticity and lack of presence. It was a new snapshot of me he must have taken where I was working on myself.

That is so true. Gaslighting is their true nature

🤭😂😂

🤣🤣🤣💯

😁😆👍

Oh ho ho good one😆

Narcissist are the devil for 100% ... they play a durty game white people ... especially if you are isolated....

Immutable and evil. Get the f..k AWAY!

You got it, perfectly and literally right, the devil's do show up as a narcisist.

Right!

What a crying shame that is

So sad that a child has to make a new self that he can admire because hes been not allowed to be valued for his own self. Not allowed to be independent. And so it's a survival technique. But the price he pays is he has no real inner self. It's gone with the abuse.

My experience completely. I’ve known our marriage wasn’t healthy & certainly hasn’t benefited me emotionally or supportive, but I could never put my finger on what it was specifically. Fast forward 38 years I discovered he is a neglectful narcissist + ? and I discovered Prof. Valknin. Suddenly my life makes sense.

אין אף אחד בבית. נכון מאד. בעלי הוא נרקסיסט והבת שלי כל הזמן אומרת שהיא לא מרגישה חשובה עבורו למרות שעם השנים הוא למד לשחק אותה דואג. אבל בני אדם נורמליים שיש להם רגשות מרגישים מתי זה באמת ומתי זה שקר

❤

God is real,angels and demons are real , are eternal so they cannot die. They are territorial and follow your family bloodline , for generations and study family exploit their weaknesses order to destroy families as well as opportunity to destroy ives , come and go at will and even occupy your body at will, unless you know your authority over them to break their influence in your life and even kick them out of your life and your family bloodline. These spiritual creachers from hell DESIRE AN EMPTY VESSEL to manifest in the earth. whether you believe it or not These entities are present everywhere.

Way deeper

@@lioydwilliams1850 thank you 😊

So hard to realize he never loved me. That wonderful sweet sweet man wasn’t even him.. he made me believe for the longest time he changed bc I was such a horrible wife to him. Years of trying so hard to make him love me again. Never speaking up if I was hurt bc I knew it would just be a fight. Always being told nobody would love me. That I’m so messed up. I really am shocked now that he’s divorcing me, that ppl love me! I was so worried for so long ppl would think I caused him to leave me. I was brainwashed in so many ways. Still trying to understand the truth.

I asked him the same thing, and why he is destroying me..nobody home is right, nothing there. Empty.

When I asked mine he said yes he wanted me to kill myself. 2 he said making me feel like shit everyday would make me not leave him. Im still blown away. I thought I loved a guy who wanted me to die and actually put my life my daughters life and his own kids lives in danger all the dang time because he really gave 2 shits about anyone in his life.

I asked the same thing. “You want me dead? Are you going to kill me? Do you love me?” Response: You need help. Get on medication. That’s not an answer. Be aware for poisonings.

So you're saying that all his manerism, his personality is fabricated ?

​​@@323martyrstreet8sure, is narcisist. He isnt trying to help, he just recieve admiration of people, his work, books, paper, etc. Are made in the trying to make him strong in some area, to highlight

I believe, they can be aware but can’t control it, they learnt to ignore people’s emotions cause theirs were ignored for so long. Some of them want to change but their pain engraved bad instructions on how to survive in life. They kind of hide who they really are. They hate what they went through during their childhood, and hate themselves for not being able to escape it. They were damaged badly and haven’t find Jesus Christ to erase and recreate a new self ❤ meaning Love

Imagine you're looking at a body in the mirror, being completely aware that there is a body standing in front of the mirror. You can observe objectively various characteristics and properties of the body. Shape, size, other physicality's. But truly what you see is a piece of glass, there is nothing behind it. No semblance of what was just seen in the mirror. Now imagine when you think about yourself, looking in a mirror. You would see your body sure, but in a way, you would also have a feeling of who you are, from your past and experiences you've had. This creates the 'you' that you feel you see in the mirror. Imagine looking so deeply into your own consciousness to the part where you would find your true self, who you think you are and ultimately finding nothing but a complicated mirror with nothing behind it. It is a wild realisation to look into the mental abyss and not even have the comfort of your own company. Because the concept of 'yourself' doesn't even exist.

Don’t be fooled. He’s capable of entertaining an audience which is the only thing he cares about. He will still treat anyone in an intimate relationship like garbage

He knows the difference. That's my understanding of the whole talk. He has similar empathy for wife and rice

Wow⁉️☕️

@@concretehabitsch7277 yyyy

@@concretehabitsch7277 UTI

@@concretehabitsch7277 u

Agreed! I have empathy for their suffering like sinking in quick sand, but also getting-the-fuck-out, bc their idea of love is dragging you into the quick sand with them.

I feel the same. I found myself tearing up listening to this because it's so sad they live in this narc world. It is now crystal clear.

Same here. I only have one child but the rest is they same, they even contacted a psyc ward to tell them I must be mad as I had cut them out. When I didn't contact them about it they then called social services to say I was a bad parent. My sister and mother hadn't seen us in 3 yrs so how on earth would they know anyhow? I ignored that too. Then my mum offered to buy me a house! Wtf?! 😂😂 Complete insanity!

@@mde6006 OMG 😲, funny you should say that about the house, my mum always been throwing money at me, as if trying to buy my complacency in both her and my sisters behaviour, keep standing in your truth and integrity, that's what keeps you head and shoulders above them all, peace and love, ❤🙏🙂

Me too. Crazy how they turn everyone against you. People actually believe them! When I left the first time he made me homeless. Just left again and well he’s getting ahold of everyone I know. This is bad. Keep you head up. Seek God. He is a way maker.

@@jenchristianrn1 keep strong many prayers and blessings 🙏 ❤

@Amber maillet they become master manipulators and fool everyone with their lies, but its the lies that are so hurtful 💔, they tell them with such conviction that others can't not but believe them, my sister caused such toxic drama and devastation allher life between everyone and I was always stuck in the middle, constantly peacemaking and sorting out the wreckage after, then I get ostracised for finally cutting her out, but its for my higher good and I trust that my karmic debts are finally paid , 🙏

Bam 💥

And they are almost offended when you do something that doesn’t match their snapshot of you. How dare you not match exactly to the idealized image they have of you. All humans should change and grow but they infantilize you and never want you to grow up.

@@NewNameNaomi Indeed! Another example of their projection of themselves onto you. They don't grow and evolve, so you don't, either!

He told me you are not the same you become different 😂

Mine doesn't like my physical changes, bad knees ( walk with a limp now) and I wear glasses ( asked me to not wear them to his company Christmas party). And boy is he hyper vigilant always searching for anything that could mean disrespecting him! Sadly he has taught his son to be the same .

Damn right. I m shocked, big time, but its eye-opener big time is well

its so much to realize all at once. this is the biggest thing that has ever happened to me, by me, whatever it is, not IN my life, this thing IS my life, and i'm not even fully aware or participating yet. i am so grateful for people like you, and chat, and Sam the most, he is deciphering my very existence in real time as i watch every second hyperfocused

They are usually men.

i went no contact n its been a year

Thankyou

Thanks

Well said ..No judgement, I like that .Thank you.

Thank you

Spooky to the core! Looking back, 20 years, shitman!!

Sounds exactly like my situation. Unreal. A vicious cycle. Hurts bad.

Same for me. So empty. He makes promises that he never follows through

That’s the truth!

It's like they choose to have temporary amnesia. Very confusing but there were times he remembered certain things that we did together except he remembered years later, like a decade later, he'd recall so yes, very confusing...., also the cold empathy and sex, so true. It is a pattern!

You want to talk more about it?

Same. Mine was a religious narc, so it was even more brazenly laden with the power dynamic bull****. If I didn’t literally kiss his feet and bow to him, that was disrespect. If I didn’t silently put up with his anger and mistreatment, even if I only said “can you please stop that, it hurts my feelings” it was disrespectful to him as a man and leader. lol

גם לי זה קרה. בדיוק אותו הדבר!!!

Same. Once when my narc was “comforting” me while crying. I felt this empty feeling. I looked up. He was rubbing my back, but was staring at his phone scrolling social media while I cried. It shocked me so much I stopped crying right then and there. He then just stood up and walked out of the room. No words, nothing. The most robotic thing I’ve ever seen.

@@arose4302. I was in the middle of a rare panic attack, when I say rare I mean that’s the last real panic attack I can recall and it was now 2 years ago or a bit longer. Crying, hyperventilating, couldn’t even stand on my feet. He looked at me like I was an animal in an exhibit, he was amused, totally calm, unaffected. It was so alarming. He went on to tell me he had caused the panic attack on purpose because he wanted revenge for me upsetting him when I told him I’d like to make some friends in the neighborhood (like other women to garden with, or go shopping with, etc). Now, I’m married to a man who isn’t afraid to cry when he’s truly upset. When I hear his voice break, it absolutely catches my heart in a death grip, I have to comfort him and hold him and do everything I can to alleviate what he’s feeling, no matter what’s going on for me. And my husband is the same with me, if I ever cry, he absolutely drops everything and holds me and wipes my tears and offers anything he can think of to make me feel better. It’s simply night and day. Robot vs human.

On my mother's deathbed l was the last to arrive at the hospital. I held my mum's hand and l hugged her goodbye. At that moment, my sister screamed at me, get out of the way l want to see her face! . My mum died and its the last thing she ever heard 😢 😢. I have just gone no contact with my 2 sisters and their families 💔

@@gjthomas9770🕯️💜

So so true.

Agreed

Wow this is a really amazing viewpoint. I definitely feel like a different person after my short marriage to a narcissist, and not in a bad way. I’m now happily married to an amazing man, and I truly believe that I would not appreciate the absolute treasure this kind, loving, patient, funny, sweet man is without having experienced the horror of living with my narcissist ex. I sometimes hug him and cry happy tears over something very “small” because I realize what a huge blessing it is to experience even the smallest acts and words of genuine love and consideration. And like you said… it destroys your own sense of importance and you come face to face with your ego… I did a lot of soul searching after and reached out to make apologies to anyone I ever may have hurt while acting in ignorance of my own ego or out of my perceived self importance. I’m still growing, but it feels good, and I can only thank my ex for that, honestly.

Yes, I agree.

I agree❤

You don't survive, you get away and never look back

That sounds like a great strategy. Were you a victim?

Sam does have amazing knowledge but u realize he’s a self-proclaimed narcissist aswell right?🤣

@@Rawyalty220 i heard him proclaiming himself a narcissist I'm not sure how to take his lectures then

You don't survive. That's what he said. Victims of Narcissists describe the feeling of dyeing inside and usually develop some form of Personality Disorder after being exposed to the Narcissist. .... We died. We flatlined. What carries on is a cold corpse that we work hard to restore life to, in the hopes of having some semblance of healthy normalcy again. Eventually after much therapy of all sorts, we get a little blip of a heart beat on the screen again. Then hopefully a recovery journey can be made.

I'm still dealing with the self hatred after realizing how much I betrayed and abandoned myself. I'm working to forgive myself!

Inner death they thrive on is crazy man. But accurate.

@@charlene2349 the fact that you realize this is a huge step toward loving yourself again! Every little step you take will bring you back to the person you were before you lost yourself in the dysfunction.

so well said , same thoughts I used to have, feeling powerless, alone, angry , crazy , but slowly realised that person who abused nd manipulates is not worth remembering or sulking for , be happy frm inside , find inner peace ( I found my inner peace through meditation ),be strong nd move on in life , never give up ur happiness for such useless jerks, once while walking on the streets, I came across a person wearing a tshirt with a message-- dont make stupid people famous 😁😁,

Yes. But it gets better. We can heal.

They're pure evil.

They are exactly what our society expects from all of us, this is why we are slaves... because it's all around us, all of the time. It's like talking to a fish about water, seriously.

100% agree

Trying to go no contact with my family.

@@smilebyyourself sorry for what you're going through, I hope it gets easier.

Affirmative Ghost Rider. Do NOT engage! I repeat, do NOT engage! How copy? Over.

​@@Cherry-kt8zoThat's why I'm here to pick up on them asap!

I am so so sorry you went through such treatment. I hope you are now safe and well.

@@MixxxedFruuts Thank you 🙏I am safe and well. Blessings to you 💞

@@vendetta7101 Glad to hear it! Secondarily I hope your recovery is likewise going well and that you have around you people who know how fortunate they are to be there. I'm finally coming out of my own fog. I feel kind of like I was dead for years and was slowly resurrected over a couple week period heh. I suppose all of the personal growth one experiences overcoming this kind of adversity, that's the silver lining. =^_^=

Do they pay for what they do?

I felt crazy for a while also

True.

I now have a small MP3 player recording at all times. Sometimes I put one in each room, when I’m expecting a confrontation / fight.

I felt exactly the same. I even tried video taping us in an argument so I could show him what he’s doing-of course he never did it when I was taping-probably shouldn’t have told him I was taping. He almost drove me nuts. So glad I got out.

I was accused of not making sense…every time I spoke… He would bring things up from 2014…we weren’t even together then…I couldn’t remember…so I was apparently lying…it’s abuse on next level

I hope u doing good

Far out that is horrible, I'm so sorry to hear that. Any luck getting your babies back? 🌻🙏

I’m so sorry for your pain. I pray you get reunited with your children.

I pray also to have your children aside. Be strong and fear not.

Yes. Top secret plan. Have safety partner you 1000% trust in case you have to flee quickly, and make your plan thoroughly and silently. Cover your tracks.

@R Christi praying you’re able to get your children back and your sense of self. 🙏🏼 I wish I knew exactly what to say but my heart says to let you know that you are powerful beyond belief and you’ll get through this. 💛 Focusing on a turnaround for you and your babies. Sending lots of Love your way. I’m keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. ✨💛💛✨

Narcissistic Amnesia. But extremely selective.

My narc had the same extreme memory loss, even after entire evening discussion of our relationship, his deep love and wanting my commitment exclusively. Next day, denies any talk, 'what are u talking about, remind me, idk what you me'. I let him leave, blocked his number and all messages access . 6 months w his ups and downs, acting out, storming out and leaving for no reason, just to 'show me '. No more!! He didnt believe I would do it, but quit just like I'd warned.

They won't rest till they have killed your soul and sometimes your body. They are like vampires sucking all the joy out of your life.

Exactly, my same feelings, but fell for him at first, was trying too hard, and nothing really works because they don't know how to have an emotional relationship, just as Sam described, your dealing with a God like child; as long as your giving things seem ok, but don't ever rebel or criticize, get angry, or point out mistakes, etc, because he will dump you in a second!🙎‍♂️

@@gennyzentella4692 negative , don't ever blasphem his name!

🤣😂😄😄😄 Very true and better than a narcissists joke, with fifty likes of course!.

No everyone has a soul

@@morganophelia5963 Narcissism is the issue of a soul with a forcefull selfish mind. Often because of an advantaged dependence on dark force. Getting them to run to spirit salvation is a big deal. Spirit is easily faked with kind selfishness, therefore respect to understanding reflective reward has to get past their psychotic ME disease. ( to a Wisdom Existence )

I’m so happy you found found it 😮😮p😅😅😊o I😊peace and 😊😊😊😊😊 PPP low ok 😢😅😢😅😮😅😢😢😅😢😮😮😊❤😊😂😂😊❤😊🎉😂🎉 45:01 😂😮😢🎉😊proud pp🎉🎉🎉 45:01 45:01 45:01 o😂 45:01 😊 45:01 😊😂😊😊😊🎉😂 45:01 🎉😊 45:01 😂 45:01 😊😂 45:01 😊😮😊😢 45:01 years 45:01 😂 45:01 years 😂p😊😢llwl🎉 45:01 love p🎉

Yes, I thought about what good it would do me to reverse the cycle! I don't want anything to do with them. Period!

True. Too much self sacrifice for no gain basically.

If you reverse cycle it helps you move forward. That’s his point here, because once you reverse, the narcissist is the last person on your mind, what they say and do doesn’t matter because in reversal you have already moved forward.

@@ig7424 so true. Self-sacrifice isn't worth anything in this world. It's gaining the world and losing your soul. Not worth it.

It's because Sam Vaknin is a diagnosed narcissist himself. He totally changed the game being a narcissist himself and devoted his life to learning about his disorder 🙌🏻🙌🏻🙌🏻

I think he was talking about the evolution of AI, not the evolution and future of living humans.

@@Nightingale47 he has talked about this before and he does express belief that humans evolution is taking a narcissistic path. It actually makes sense.

@@redtigerlily8165 Yep and also matches up with end time prophecy in he bible

Perhaps AI will actually be a devolution compared to real human beings - intellectually superior, perhaps, but without conscience; intelligent sociopaths. I think so.

He also sais that the human has 100 % power over the narcissist, because he can not exist without you giving him reflections... so... its a choise for humans to make.. let the nacrisist develope existens ...or ... not

Pleeeeaaase

I know, that was awesome.

Love it!

😀

Oh yes!

Well said. The usage of the idea of a spectrum rather than a label I think affords the appropriate nuance necessary to discuss such a complex topic such as psychology. Have a good day!

Well put.

'

I can't speak for anyone else, but I am bpd and yes, I have a delayed empathy reaction. I can be racked with guilt afterwards but not generally during unfortunately. My body is in fight mode during and everything else shuts down, it's just survive. It takes absolutely meticulous and incredible control by attempting to listen to a tiny voice in my head that is hardly there telling me I do care and that I will regret it later to stay reasonable.

I'm afraid that believing that narcissists and psychopaths ever have feelings of empathy guilt or regret is just wishful thinking on your part. You may be referring to people with some issues, but not these particular issues. If you don't have a self, you can't feel empathy. You can scan your environment and people's behavior to try to obtain what you want or need. These are people with severe and permanent disabilities as far as intimate relationships go. I spent 16 years with a covert narcissist, many of which I thought that I was happy, only to be classically devalued and discarded. Way worse than your typical broken heart. Couldn't understand why I wasn't healed almost 5 years later, but after hearing professor Vaknin, I get it now. My memories are like a computer filled with malware which must be extracted. I took Sam's tip from an old video and I talk back to the voices in my head that are echoes of the narcissist. Sometimes I say f*** you. I am doing little things like listening to music that I listen to before I met him, as well as other sports and hobbies, and remembering or reconnecting with people that I knew in my life before. Any little thing you can do to remember your old self is helpful. The music works well for me. I am trying to be conscious of any narcissistic traits I may have picked up. But luckily, I do have a core self, unlike them. I am actually starting to feel pity for my ex. But I don't miss him the way that I used to. He died a couple of months ago. What a weird mixture of emotions that was. Luckily Sam's information just helping me work my way through this. Now my biggest fear and challenge is to try to avoid getting involved with yet another narcissist. My track record here was not good. I wish you all the best. Give up hope for your narcissist, but not for yourself!!!

Sounds like you have good instincts, and The Holy Spirit warned you- and you Listened!!👍

Me too. His next girlfriend not long after I got out killed herself because of his abuse.

I think you are right that they are not victims because victims are people that can heal.

I believe he means victims in the sense that given the choice, the child would not have chosen Narcissism for himself. The child is a victim. The adult and the abuse forced the child into Narcissism to protect itself. At no point through childhood and into adulthood was the child and new adult given the choice to heal. So, adulthood carried on with victimhood/Narcissism as the default. A victim by default. Narcissists can change but they are few and far between for success stories (use that term loosely) and it takes as long to undue the damage done as it did to create it. The abuse that leads to Narcissism is incredibly cruel that way. Those parents damaged those children for life. And what a poor life it was. Very few find their way out, if/when they do, their lives are at an end.

We all struggle with narcissism. It is what we call the ego. Most people just accept it as a guilty pleasure. It is the fragile victim within choosing to externalize our abuse rather than to heal it by our own compassion and creativity. It is a simple process, but very hard to learn because it has been conscripted to professional care as the socioeconomic world order drives us further into compartmental specialization and cult-thinking.

Amen, they are more like murderers with clean hands, too cowardly to do anything physically, they will drive you to kill yourself with their words

Exact feeling... my dad died broken heart...

Same here. It's unbearable to live with. She killed us both.

Yes! Made me feel like i had memory loss, but i had proof often... so it is what was sad, to prove my sanity.

That translates to ideation, idealization, then later on, after their disillusionment, they devalue then discard.

for sure! I got it 100%...it all made sense..

Yes it sure is the best! Hope people pay attention to that because it is spot on. With some of their partners they don’t use a snapshot from their mental camera. They use an actual snapshot (photo) and they protect that photo like it is their entire world even after the narcissist betrays & abandons you. He needs to protect that image so desperately that he will break into your house to get it after relationship ends. It’s bizarre.

Yes, the snapshot he/she develops is a good way to understand how their mind is so messed up.

I sure knew what he meant. My narc ex kept treating me like the 21 year old virgin I was when I met him. I'm 31 now and says to me....I've never seen this side of you. Well hello? I've grown?

I needed to take a few breaks. So much info and so spot on. Dragged up past relationship and now current issues with a neighbour. A new Body Corp manager who actually did their job, knew BC law and was even half way administratively competent would also help.

After a lifetime of abuse from them, and always being a sensitive person, I have found myself lacking the empathy I used to have for everyone, this concerned me. Now I think that the reason is I'm not feeling empathy for the abusers. I'm not throwing my pearls to swine. I still find myself having empathy for those who are authentically being abused themselves and are experiencing the great pain that I feel and I relate to to them. I truly understand your comment. Let's go easy on ourselves because maybe we need to guard our hearts as we weren't so good at doing that for ourselves. Always trusting that people were as decent as we were. It's been devastating to finally wake up to the truth. Let's hang in . It's all we can do. I see these kinds of folks everywhere. It's sad and lonely. I keep to myself. Very isolating. Not what I would normally be, but everytime I meet someone new it always points to high levels of narcissism. I'm weary

I felt the same. But I listened to Gods voice and forgave him. I struggled for 1 year + and then I truly went on my knees and ask God to help me.. I bdcame free and hand this over to the Lord, and know with everything in me, my ex Narc will be accoutable one day..

Same here. Childhood. Adulthood. It has changed me. Misery loves company is sad unfortunate truth. Now that I know better, I am working on getting my true self back again. I miss her. I pray you do the same for yourself... remember being happy and positive? Find your happy self again! Life shouldn't be so angry, bitter, and negative. 🙏🏻💕💪🏻💯

Yip happened me today ...I just smiled back at her ...didnt say anything and before you know it ...she told my dad I told her to fuck off 🙈

Just be careful !

I don’t understand the idealise part. How to do that after discard and devaluing? 🤔

@@vickyalberts6716 An obstacle to a raised consciousness, rather than a can-do help that you are not encouraged to admire elsewhere. Particularly spirituality. Not allowed. We belong to wisdom, not a selfish machine.

Why would you want to degrade yourself to their level? Don’t take advices from a narc standing on a stage! If you smell narc, thank the universe for showing you their true colors before engaging too much, and run - just freaking run and never look back.

@@vickyalberts6716 Probably you can, if your looking for approval from outside, like a daughter that's wanting the approval and love from her father, but it's conditional, you keep on trying, you become co-dependent.

I was asking myself the same thing. I had the "Honor" to meet the x husband of x narc; After the second discard, I just had to figure out what's going on. I was shocked. Apparently, She was telling me very disturbed version of reality, based on maybe 20% truth. She really put an effort to create this false image of "perfection". She twisted the course of events into imaginary story - trying to make me jealous by "proofing" me, how perfect her life is, And how lucky I am. I've been wondering regarding the same thing... does she really believe in this?! It was too psychotic, even for a covert narc. Plus, she was telling exactly the same stories - when she Hoovered after 6 years of silence. It was really really weird. With the Same hand gestures, the same enthusiasm, and was laughing at the same places. After 6 years!!!!! Like she's reading from a script. It's like she didn't changed at all. Didn't evolve as a person, didn't learn anything etc.... As to her memory, the selectiveness overwhelmed me. She actually remembered this specific tiny and accurate details, which even I totally forgot. From the other hand, she seemingly forgot about the horrible (and huge!) things she did. I believe, they'll say anything (even if fictional), that fits into their distorted version of reality. I wonder, for how long they gonna be able to escape and run from The truth? Especially while getting older. Luckily I'm not going to find out. Hopefully, the only thing waiting for them in The end of the road is KARMA. Amen.

March 2023. 2 yrs later. I get it now. They know exactly what they’re doing. They just DONT CARE!! My life was a mess trying to understand & love a man who didn’t give a shit about me. Life is so good now. You cannot make it work.

ur response shows u have some narcissism in you because if you understand the mental disorder u empathize it into healing instead of namecalling pathetic or whatever. Anyways these new terms narcissm and toxic are excuses for people not honouring wedding vows. we are allowing society to destroy the family

Lol ya that’s why 😂

I can relate to this. I felt exactly the same. I grey rocked him until he left, It felt like a huge weight had been lifted 😌. Life is back to normal now. Just so glad I saw the signs early and got out safely 🙏

The body knows

Similar experience here. I literally reverted backwards by 25 years or so. Severe issues, panic attacks, etc., even smoking again! Back in fetal position again. Incredible...no more n back on track as of right now.

Telltale signs from your inner compass/intuition. I began too with bizarre panic attacks I had previously conquered & feeling dread & fear in their presence.

Absolutely. No brain and no soul.

@Madeleine Astor That was worded absolutely perfectly, I couldn't agree more. It's hitting me now that's even more apparent since when I was a child, I used to say I'd stay with her forever and take care of her, and now I've cut her off completely. When say she would "you've changed" her face always would contort in such a way where she looks disgusted, like I've given her the ultimate insult, which makes sense now. I've struck her Achilles tendon.