There is a contemporary crisis in masculinity. Whereas 100 years ago, everyone seemed to take it for granted what it meant to be a man, today the topic is rife with dissention and speculation. Unfortunately, much of the advice men hear today pertains to what I call "performative masculinity": a suite of behaviors that can be learned to communicate masculinity socially. While there is nothing wrong with this, such advice fails to cut to the heart of the matter. In today's episode, I discuss the two attributes of "essential masculinity". Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: ukposts.info/the/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sponsor an episode: oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #men #masculinity

Having a spine = the courage to say "No." Having balls = the courage to say "Yes."

"suffer the risk of being somebody" is a great phrase

I just asked a girl I liked from my favourite coffeebar if she wanted to go grab a drink, got rejected but it felt enourmously freeing! I stood up for what I believed in and rejection is part of life. I'm not going to die from it so why not bother the risk. I'm growing more balls and whatever is meant for me will come, but you got to be willing to make the first move.

Having a spine: standing up for what you believe in and your mission Having a pair of balls: willing to achieve your purpose no matter what others think Thank you

the word for me is "responsibility". a man takes responsibility for himself and once he does that he can extend that circle further and further

Being a man is about knowing yourself, knowing what you want out of life, and having the willpower and determination to achieve this.

Outstanding video. YEAH! My Dad was the manliest man and most courageous man I knew. He fought as a Guerilla in WW2 in the jungles of the Philippines. He was afraid in combat, but courage is doing the right thing even if you are afraid. I remember many nights when I heard him screaming in his sleep from a nightmare. Once I told him I heard him screaming, and asked him what his nightmare was about. He said he was reliving what it was like to be shelled by artillery. He survived, he endured, and didn't retreat even though he was scared. He fought for what he believed in. Once a certain other man was harassing a certain woman, and Dad, unarmed intervened to protect the woman and said, "you'll have to kill me first to get to her". The would-be assailant backed down. The woman Dad rescued eventually became his wife and then my mother. RIP dad. I love you and miss you...

Well said. I'll add that a lot of what helps us to be men is a healthy level of testosterone. Which means we need to sleep well, exercise, lower our stress, and avoid chemicals that can disrupt our hormones (such as in plastics). It's something we need to take seriously since our testosterone levels have dropped a whopping 50% from our forefathers.

As a man that was raised mostly by a single mom and was very feminine for many years and has now grown a lot to be a strong man. I could have not come up with a better definition. Thank you for your input Doc.

Your messages are so clear and concise. So many people out there need your messages.

Best answer I've heard so far from someone on the internet. No tough guy shit, no social contruct nonsense, no alpha male garbage. A spine and some balls. I'll use that to help construct my opinion on what a man/masculinity is in the future. I guess what im looking for is what makes masculinity unique to males and what makes femininity unique to females.

There used to be a book “Real men don’t eat quiche”. My wife makes an excellent quiche, and I enjoy it. I always wanted to write a colliery, “Real men don’t let other people tell them what to eat.”

'Most of the things in your head were put there by other people and a lot of that stuff is garbage'; straight up. I love the way this guy puts things across so clearly.

I've watched three videos of yours from yesterday till now, it's a rare case that I give thumbs up let alone do it three times in a row. You just say very logical and sane things.

To hear that being put so eloquently is a treat. Thank you for your content. Keep it coming.

When you stand up for yourself the initial moment is fear. But it quickly becomes so much better the moment it is known to everyone that you're not tolerating it. It's a muscle that needs to be developed just like any other muscle but you'll feel so much better when you finally do stand up for yourself.

In the era of women, being a strong man is even more necessary 💪.

I found this video without looking for it and I surprisingly gave me very good feelings while watching it. I agree with you and I find very helpful to support my thoughts with someone like you. Your words/ideas/message gives me confidence to reaffirm the new concept of a man and motivates me to become one. You are a source of inspiration. Thank you!

This is one of the coolest and most honest channels I’ve come across. You’re real, sir. Keep it up! You have my support

Simply amazing how far society has fallen

"This is why we respect people who stand up for right, despite the personal risk" it's big true. I'll tell you something if you are young - DO NOT EVER BE SCARED OF CONFLICT WITH SOMEONE. When i was 19 and went to first job i was agreeable and nice boy, always helping people because i was scared this person won't like me if i say no. When you helping people all the time they expect you are gonna help them all the time. You know what's happened when i said "sorry, not now i don't have time"?. The response was: WHAAAAT?! WHY U WON'T HELP ME? and this person start to backstabbing me. Listen this guy little boys, stand tall and have balls. It's really hard at the beginning to say "no" but trust me, the more you say "no" the more people respect you. Don't be even scared to lose friends, if you have "friend" who even sometimes makes funny of you and crosses your borders, don't be scared and just quit this relation. Things like gym or martial arts are just accessories for being confident. In workplace even if someone is 2x bigger than you he can't hurt you. Don't be scared guys. If you are scared to conflict someone, just ask yourself at first place "is this person can hurt me?". Even if you gonna be fired from work, life goes on and you are still alive. Live YOUR OWN life not your mother/dad/friends life, don't ask for permission, don't listen orders, don't think "oh whats my parrents gonna think if i will do it", take life in your own hands and decide about it by YOURSELF. My own family all the time trying to change me and telling "Why you doing this and this. Why you doing so much risk. Get safe job and don't change anything", listen it's my life and i don't give a shit, my life my consequences

"A man that has nothing to lose is a dangerous man": I think this sentence is important, because a real man doesn't need family, friends, career, money or else to be himself. This is what we have to learn: not to be too attached to people and things

Thank you so much!! You are literally re-opening the world of relationships with women for me! Please keep on doing what you are doing!🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

You rocked it doc! I'm 75 now, and I've heard no better definition. I call it willing to stand tall in the pocket, and knowing the hit is coming, as in football... bravo!

Such a concise, simple, yet eloquently explained concept. This is an essential message that every boy and man needs to hear!

agreed. this is exactly what having boundaries in a relationship are about. if you don't set boundaries and also enforce them, you will get walked on, used, and disrespected.

Thank you Sir I definitely needed this. In a constant world of crippling bullshit and a lot of consumption sometimes it is difficult to see why so many of us Men are lost. Being 20 and growing up without a father has made it difficult but it’s also has made it great. It’s made me reliable and as well conscious of my own actions. There is a lot of stigmatism when it comes to what it means to be a man or the definition of “ be a Man “ I fully agree with what you said. A lot of men or “boys” will say that being a man means you have to get big fuck your feelings and stop giving a shit. While physical strength is great for both mental and physical it’s not everything. It’s very important to be aware of how all these little connotations affect us psychologically. I do believe in controlling your emotions. Men that control their emotions are stoic. I’m not saying keep everything bottled in although if you think before you make a decision and don’t let your emotions get the best of you it will always result in better outcomes for you rather than acting on impulse or on the feelings of yourself or the pressure out on by others. We live in a world of centralization on social media and doing what we feel like doing not what we have to do. A world were we are never bored because we always have our phones and screens to keep us idiotized. In order to be a man, it’s not about just about knowing how to change a tire or knowing how to fight and this and that ect. It’s about standing up for what right and the truth. I don’t want to bring religion into this because everyone has their own opinion but as a man of God it’s important to trust God and know there is a purpose for each and every one of us men. I just turned 20 this July. 5 years ago my buddys and I from swimming class were playing Fortnite and starting highschool laughing and talking about our small problems now most of them are in college, moved out, having a kid and moving on with their lives. My only advice gentleman is always look forward and be grateful. Work hard and stay disciplined and last but not least like David Goggins said a quote that’s stuck with me all these years “ DONT GET POISONED BY BULLSHIT “ Take care y’all. One last thing if you are having problems mentally remember we are men but we are also human there is always a way out and talking to someone is always the answer rather than acting on impulse and making a stupid decision that will ruin your life and the life of others.

I belive your definition is really good, short, understandable and just true. I expirienced it the same way growing up, standing up for my self and the things I belive in (mostly my own sense of justice) always earned me respect even though I also had more than one conflict in which it got physical. Most of the time these "fights" didn't even have a "winner" or I might have sometimes been the "loser" but I feel like I never "lost" something. My peers just respected me for having a spine and balls.

Shadow in proportion to your beliefs is a deep insight I hadn’t considered. Thanks doc you’re one of the heroes for men today

You are truly needed and thank you for showing up.🙏🏾

Thank you for posting this. I like it a lot. I’m learning to be a man from real men and old traditional men. Most Young men within my generation are not giving of helpful information to be a real men but hoarders of their fathers advice with an unwillingness to share the information with other men who lacked a father in the house.

Fantastic. Knowing who you are, what is right, and standing up for it.

Dr Orion thanks for this. I was already doing this and dealing with the consequences at work. Thanks for verbalizing what it is!! Bless u bro

I’m thankful every day for the moments i stood my ground to defend my values while being coerced to act otherwise. Isolated moments that could lead to a lifetime of pride or regret.

This was the best video I've ever seen on the topic. It gave me peace of mind, because I realized that I already have everything I need. Growing up without a father's presence is not easy, we end up looking for this guidance elsewhere, thankfully we have professionals like you. Greetings from Brazil.

I think this is the answer I found that like the most on the internet. A lot come with a prescription of role or faith (serve, do this, say that, look like this, have that) but this is pretty open and straightforward.

That just inspired me not to hide my true self anymore. I am a woman!

Thanks! You are a true asset to mankind. Please continue to inspire and provoke thought.

I usually avoid talk of what a “man is”, but this made a lot of sense. While watching this video, I immediately knew which parts of my life I had been avoiding (not having balls). It’s strange how we can seek help as if we don’t know how to fix our lives, but the answers are so obvious like we knew all along. Great video!

you put what many of us felt deep down into words. now that we see the formula it will be alot easier to move towards male excellence. every man should see this.

Orion, you’re a legend! So profoundly delivered

Great video. Some qualities that come to mind are responsibility, ability to stand up for what you believe in, ambition, duty etc. Self knowledge and just knowledge in general is imperative.

Excellent presentation! Your video reaches out to a lot of people.I married a man, pHd but he did not know who to be a father. He spend decades not being able to love his kids. Thank you for being explicit about expressing mans beliefs above all. God Bless.

Your advice is super practical! Your twist on contemporary topics is refreshingly on point, keep up the amazing work Doc💪

You're the man doc! Been watching a bunch of your videos. You articulate clarity which provides a not only a deep sense of understanding, but gives strength and support in this sometimes...crazy modern world. Thank you very much and keep up the great work. -Ben

Dr. Orion, thank you for distilling masculinity down to its essence. Makes me think of derivations from first principles, as well as finding necessary and sufficient conditions for a property to hold. I will steal and use it from now on. It feels like something all fathers should teach their boys at some point.

I love your channel! It give an honest, straightforward advice and celebration for men. Love that you give women straight up advice too

This is one of the best videos I’ve ever watched. Short and concise.

Great work as usual, looking forward to the next one.

This was amazing and much needed. Well said, thank you!

That‘s exaxtly what I am struggling with. You put it right, when you said that we need to show the world who we truly are, show them the man we really want to be and support as our best version - regardless of reactions, mummy-love or attention. Great!

This is the alpha and omega on masculinity for me. Thank you.

Great stuff. I'm 28 and learning this the hard way at the moment. It's taking a lot of effort, but I think it's starting to pay off.

Wow! Your analogy hit home. The more I rose up, the more opposition I got in my last job. My narcissistic boss felt threatened and I was eventually fired. I since started my own successful business 😂👊💥😁

straight to the core. I need hearing this to remind myself, Why i am doing all of this and why I need to do it. Thank you, Sir, whats a man.

Excellent advice! Your videos motivate me to become the best version of myself and your transparency sheds a new light on the reality of the human psyche.

This channel deserves way more attention. Thank you Dr. Taraban for sharing your wisdom with us!

Thanks for bringing this up. It's society's toxic views on what "makes" a man (i.e., aggressive conquerer) that causes men to question themselves and their values, and vice versa for women. Values are key. Women like men who are secure in themselves, their values, and their place in the world, and standing up for them, over some insecure, aggressive, controlling loudmouth misogynist overly self-conscious about defending his "manhood." Men can be sensitive and strong at the same time. It all comes down to values and sticking to one's guns.

Thank you for this Orion! Im 25 and struggle with my masculinity due to no male role model and an emotionally unavailable mother. Im starting to understand more of myself thanks to your videos

I'm so glad I found your page today. Incredibly valuable. Thank you.

That’s right fellas, stand tall, cast shade on the haters and don’t care what they think. Welcome to life as a Man. Great & concise content Sir, Thank You!

I like your no BS, straight to the point, style. Also one of the strongly masculine traits btw. 💪💥

I have a couple of brothers who are hurting. Much appreciated for these takes.

This is exactly what I needed to hear. I've been worried about the performance so much that I don't even know what I believe. I need to find the right questions to figure out my answers to!

Well put! Its having standards and convictions that are unwavering in regards to one's own morality of whats right and wrong and sticking with it. The tree whose roots are deeply entrenched and unmovable no matter the storms that come. Its knowing other people's opinions of you are irrelevant and especially when they go against your belief in whats right and wrong, true or false. Simply put, it's being resolute in the ethics of one's beliefs, at the potential loss of career, family, friends.

I'm 22 years old. And this video spoke greatly to me. I appreciate your commitment to serve and to share useful wisdom. I'll be coming back again and again to watch more of your videos. Thanks for being real.

I love this guy and how he is delivering a very important message!! The world needs you man!! Men who are lost or are trying to learn their role and positions need you!! You are perfect for exactly what you're doing and communicating!!

I listened to this video months ago, and it still sticks with me. Just want to say thanks.

Wow great perspective! Love the nuances of what it really means to be a man

Thank you for breaking this down. Your channel is awesome!

Loved this simple definition of masculinity and it makes total sense. Despite being wrong you’d be able to stand your ground.

Thanks for sharing this video Doc. So many boys and men could benefit from your words

Thanks! Good stuff! Great to see you on the whatever podcast. Hopefully you can make the rounds on other podcasts and channels to share your insights with a range of audiences. Recurring on whatever would be amazing.

Great message!! Definitely one of your best. Thanks Orion, keep the wisdom coming 👍

Perhaps THE most important and fundamental of all. Appreciate and thank you.

This is so powerful... thank you for posting

My mental journey has led me to the same conclusions. Completely agree.

One of the best videos I have seen on the subject. At 41 years old I still struggle with this question (How to BE A MAN) and haven't quite figured out who am I or what exactly should I do. The older I get the more this not knowing bothers me.

Thank you for the clear and straightforward explanation.

Loved this video!!! Truth! Having balls is having the willingness to suffer for being our authentic selves!!! Yes.

Great example of healthy masculinity 👏🏼

I like this guy. Thanks for not saying anything about crying or vulnerability like every other therapist on youtube. We all know who we really respect in society.

At times we kind of know something like this, but if we listen to a well tough organized presentation like yours, It provides the final touch to cement the set of values floating around in ourselves. Thank you.

This reinforced what I’ve recently discovered about myself, thank you

thank you Orion. I'm 71 years old and I've been looking my whole life for someone to tell me what a man is. You just did, with humor and common sense.

I would like to give gratitude for sharing your message and your thoughts on how to be a man. Especially that now, many think that being a man is to be very stoic and to be sometimes "toxic". Which just gives masculinity a bad name.

Well said Doc, couldn't agree more, shared in my red pill space, thank you.

Well articulated. Thanks for this.

🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:00 🧔 Masculinity is a complex topic, and many definitions are linked to performative behaviors that change over time. 01:08 🎯 Many answers about how to be a man focus on performative behaviors like having a beard, playing sports, etc. 02:42 💪 Being a man is simple: you need a backbone and courage to defend your beliefs and values. 04:06 🌟 Having a backbone also helps define your position in the world and attracts opposing opinions. 06:26 🏆 Having courage (a figurative pair) means being willing to take risks in the name of your beliefs and values. 07:23 🤝 Respect is often earned by those who stand up for their beliefs, regardless of the approval of others. It is not gained by trying to please everyone. 08:32 🙌 Having a backbone and courage is essential to be considered a man, regardless of other masculinity stereotypes. Made with HARPA AI

Hardest part for me is dealing with boredom and loneliness. I could be fulfilling all of my responsibilities, meeting my goals, etc. But it's all just so boring and lonely. Even as a married man I get lonely in my marriage. Once you have kids your relationship with your wife essentially ends. You just become a glorified atm and taxi. It's gets old real fast. Objectively I have a good life and I'm a good dude. I just get bored and lonely. I get tired of it all.

This is amazing. I have been looking for this video for literally a year.

This information has been lost through time.. thank your this one .. this needs to be spread wide and afar

As a man I have learned that creating a mission statement for myself has been a gamechanger. I use this mission statement as my point of reference. When I want to do things, when I have an opinion, I always refect on my mission statement. Does what I am going to do or say align with my mission statement? When I hear "have a spine" I hear have a purpose and stand by it. Great video.

Orion has the potential to be a major player in what is commonly known as the Manosphere; workable advice for men, without the fluff and buffoonery that seems so prevalent in the space. Did a great job on the Whatever podcast; he should consider collabs with other content providers in the space as well.

This was so helpful. I ironically shaved my beard today (besides the point). I have been facing so much backlash for standing on my beliefs recently where others would chose to be dismissive, pacify and tolerate negative self behavior. I ultimately am not the favored friend rn and it was beginning to get to me today, had be seconding guessing my stance. This really was the most helpful in discerning life scenarios.

This honestly was worth the watch. Great video.

Its good to mention that courage is basically a trait that is healthy for both men and women to have. It definitely makes us all more attractive and just happier within ourselves. Granted, it makes men more attractive in a different sort of way, so I get your point here. This explanation is just vague, so its open to many interpretations that you didn't intend.

Separating the performative aspect from what a man is intrinsically is so key.

One of your best Doc! Smiling and chuckling; but it takes time and years. And I know or assume you know many of us suffer thru This. Spine Balls Thx