If you find Dr. Peterson's lectures helpful you might be interessted to know that his self narrated audiobooks “12 Rules for Life” amzn.to/2ipaBnQ (US) / amzn.to/2kpdXv9 (UK) / amzn.to/2jTRq67 (CA) and "Beyond Order" amzn.to/31EgIhP (US) / amzn.to/3wyochN (UK) / amzn.to/3EXzGON (CA) are currently available FOR FREE with the Amazon Audible trial program! The above are Amazon affiliate links.

I'm just gonna repeat something I heard a woman say once, "You're not the protagonist in anyone else's story, you're just a secondary character." And it's true, someone might joke about something you said or did for a minute and move on, you're not the center of their universe. Also that Eleanor Roosevelt quote comes to mind, "You wouldn't worry so much about what others thinkof you if you realize how seldom they do."

I love how he didn't break eye contact with that one student as he was talking about anxiety. He just gave him anxiety immediately

I realized that my social anxiety has made me quite selfish in a sense that i always keep looking at myself, always think about myself, and always try to protect myself that I never have any idea of how others feel, which is why I miss out on a lot of social opportunities because I shut myself out. I always think that I'm this main character or I'm so important in my head that everyone will literally be judging me with every move, that I have become egocentric and strict with the unrealistically ideal kind of person I hold up for myself to follow.

I struggled with social anxiety until I was 18 years old. I never went to any party or reunion, never even had a conversation with a girl (I went to a boys only high school). I also missed very important memories such as the prom, very depressed. I was terrified of social situations because of my low self esteem and abusive childhood. What helped me the most was, as JP says, facing the monster upfront. I just went to that first party even though I was very ashamed to do it for the first time at 18. I recommend everyone to expose yourself to your fear in incremental quantities. Start small. And keep exposing yourself progressively to bigger social situations. You’ll get there. Today I’m almost 24 years old and happy to say I have a very successful social life :)

“Let’s say you’re socially anxious“ Me: Yeah, “let’s say”...

I’m still on the bit where you try and get invited to the party

I'm a veteran, was actually addicted to alcohol and cigarettes. I suffered severe anxiety and mental disorder. Got diagnosed with ADHD. Not until my son recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. This is something that really need to be use globally to help people with related health challenges.

Would have been nice to know how to deal with social anxiety before it took away my childhood/teenhood and left me with a life of traumatic memories and mental illnesses.

I overcome my social anxiety by pretending I don’t have it. I can outwardly function in social situations but inside I’m a mess and my main thought is to find the nearest exit and get the hell out of there but I keep that feeling locked down deep inside. This is something I’ve had to force myself to learn because my career requires me to be social but at the end of the day I enjoy going home and hanging out with my 2 German Shepherds.

His words are so important that he carries 2 microphones on his shirt

Face your fears head on. I’m a 30 year old 6’4” man still battling social anxiety. He’s right with looking directly at the monster. Looking right at the monster, let alone, approaching the monster is so hard, but it helps so much. Keep making yourself uncomfortable (a good amount before a panic attack), and embrace the suffering needed to prevail. By this time next year, I will have conquered my social anxiety. Edit: If any of you are in therapy, ask about CBT. It’s very effective

Overcoming is usually extremely simple. Not easy at all but simple. You need to change your mindset, be willing to embrace discomfort, be willing to be judged and let go of what your ego is telling you to hide and avoid. Uncomfortable emotions are not something to avoid, rather something to move towards; only then can you see what it is you fear for what it is rather than what your head has made it out to be. Eventually you will have confronted your fears enough times that your mind will be reconditioned to believe that it can do hard things and will be ok, and that it doesnt matter what other people think of you. You have the ability to be free and live a joyful, unconstrained life but only if youre willing to stand up for yourself and take action toward not doing what feels good or makes you feel comfort, rather what allows you to feel healthy levels of discomfort that you can move through and grow from. Once you start to see results the momentum will start to build and youll be knocking down obstacles that you never thought possible. If you believe its possible then it can be done, but only you can do it.

Imagine being the person that's being stared at in these lectures

Having self awareness is key. Everyone gets anxious in social situations at some point, it’s normal. But it’s all in your head. You’re not as important as you think, that’s the reality. You might have all these thoughts in your head but in reality, probably no one is even focusing on you. The really popular thing to say on social media right now is the whole “I’m the main character” thing, but you’re not. You’re a secondary character to everyone else’s life. And I don’t say that to belittle you or to invalidate your feelings. But there’s 7 billion people on the planet and every single one of them has their own shit going on, so 99% of the time, they aren’t worried about you. When I started to realize that, I stopped being so anxious around other people. Just be yourself and stop living in your head.

All of my life up until 3 years ago I had always dealt with social anxiety. Some moments are worse than others but I always reacted the exact way Mr. Peterson described. But by putting myself in anxiety inducing situations over a long period of time, it helped control my social anxiety. I think it will never go away but understanding when it's happening and being mentally strong enough to assess and push through is super important for me.

Here are my takeaways from the video: -Watch other people, the eye, pay attention -Be confident, don’t hunch over -In a group, it can be daunting with so many people around, so just focus on one person and talk as if you’re just talking to them. -The person who delivers the message you didn’t want to hear-may be painful but it will help you This was actually a really terrific and insightful video-thanks prof. Peterson!

"You go to a party, the party is a monster!" Sheesh, that escalated.

“Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habits. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”- Lao-Tze

Hes known mostly for his TV appearances but hes actually done remarkable work over the years. Some people hes worked with are so anxious they were suicidal or they couldnt even leave the house. And even in some cases those people who hes worked with have developed into confident public motivational speakers themselves. Imagine that huge a transformation. Remarkable man.

This has to be one of the best advice I have ever gotten. I used to be awkward during my presentations in class. Ever since I have heard this advice, I have gotten better at presentation. Thanks for sharing this video 😌 will watch it again some time soon

"look at people." okay! -continuously stares at individuals to make situations more awkward

1. Talk to individuals, not the group 2. Pay attention to others These two things are the holy grail of social anxiety. Believe me, they have brought me forward a lot.

I love his ability to bring awareness to ancient mythology by relating it to current events and current paradigms we presently have the ability to experience today. It goes to show the entire bigger picture as to why we're even here and why those things existed

Mr. Peterson is just astonishing and I have learned SO much from him and he’s changed my life on multiple levels.

I used to be an out going and fun person. But over time I have started to shell up and become socially anxious. I am scared constantly. And I am only getting older. Thanks for the advice

"What you fear, you attract. What you look at, disappears."

Glad to have these clips for free. So much wisdom in these lectures.

As a music major who felt socially awkward during repeated opportunities for performance, the discovery that you could "play to one member of the crowd" was immensely helpful.

I never had parents. This man along with a select group of men and women have been unknowingly guiding me through my 20s. I call them my internet parents. My mentors. I love him to pieces.

Everyone is more worried about what you think of them than they are worried about what they think of you. If you can get this into your head, you’re golden.

"Look at people" it's crazy how simple that sounds and yet it hit so different

I was very anxious in the 8 grade to the point I was only speaking to two of my close kindergarten friends and I was ashamed to speak in front of class or to strangers in my age group on the streets, it got to the point that I was going on therapy for 2 months because of it in 2021 but it did nothing positive in my sense, then I searched this video 1 week before my 18 birthday. It worked like magic when my brain figured it out with logic, I had all symptoms discribed in this and it's really just your brain trying to escape not existing danger, I invited 3 friends on my 18 and it was one of the best parties I got, and it's just beginning of partying and living. There should be psychological classes in school like this so more people could be cured mentally for free.

I used to have pretty bad social anxiety in high school. There were times that I'd completely shut down, quite embarrassingly. One day I got over it almost immediately when I had to do an oral presentation, and I made myself look out at the rest of the class. It clicked then, that I wasn't talking to a crowd, but to several individual students who really didn't care what I had to say and were just dreading their turn to present. I still remember that moment every time I feel the anxious tension in the back of my neck..

”You go to a party”. No, no I dont

Of course me having social anxiety and having like one or two friends it has been hard trying to expand my sphere of influence. But after watching this is video its crazy how the solution has been literally right in my face the entire time.

I was almost in tears reading about the traumas people have overcome through the use of psilocybin and other psychedelics. I was so overjoyed how so many people have had such a positive experience in being able to move forward through life. The same for myself, saved my life.

This man belongs in Broadway with his elaborate hand gestures. But seriously, so spot on with social anxiety. It's like he is describing me throughout almost all of high school and the few parties I had the guts to go to in college with friends. I wish I had him as a professor.

Having both social anxiety and being socially awkward sucks...

As a guy dealing with social anxiety. I used to be very confident, charming and charismatic, it’s such a shame I’m going through this. Communication and socializing used to be one of my biggest strengths. I was just normal, cool and happy and present in the moment etc. Had people that could go lengths for me for what I’ve added to their lives memories, joy, good vibes etc To me I think feeling genuinely good and normal and okay about yourself is a big step in growing and moving forward. And also fully believing that there is nothing wrong with you can nudge you to the right direction

What I have come to realize throughout my time self analyzing my inner psyche is that it’s the over analysis of social situations that causes my perception of reality to zoom out in a sense. It’s almost like a sort of looking through life in a lens that comes through in social situations but the problem was not clear to me when it why or how it occurred. And so through life and time I realized that it’s actually the amount of overthinking about things in my head typically about what the other person is thinking and what to say or how to act next is what keeps me in that lens because I am not allowing my kind to be completely present in reality as my brain is more hyper focused on the internal discussion and analysis being had and so I am not fully present. I am now able to focus on being present more instead of allowing thoughts to take control, although it’s not automatic for me all the time still and I do still go back into overthinking at times but now I am able to catch myself very often when my thinking patterns begin to spiral back into that. Therefore I am able to calm my mind by focusing my eyes and taking notes of the details in physical reality and regain my presence in the real world and feel less overall threatened by situations. I am learning to implement this in social situations where I don’t know anyone and today I feel as though I made some progress. It seems at a certain point in my teenage development, I tuned out of the real world to cope with my catastrophic household and school for quite some time and my brain learned to think in this manner automatically which ingrained it in me during a critical developmental stage of my life. And now I am spending time to revise and pull apart and revitalize my mind as the situation is no longer the same and that self defense mechanism is no longer needed or helping me in my life in any way. In essence if I had to sum it up, it really is just like letting your mind chill and stop overthinking about everything, realizing that everyone’s gonna have something to say and facing it instead of running away is a more fulfilling way to live so to live in the present a lot more. Still got some work to do but am glad to hear Jordan echo some of my thoughts and self work so as to confirm a lot of what I have discovered.

You just have to express yourself and work on your life. Of course, everybody is rejected more times than accepted. But I promise you, the moment you start caring about your life more than what anybody else thinks, you'll start making jokes to complete strangers, maybe make them genuinely laugh, you'll seem charismatic, and you'll learn skills to make you more interesting. I was like this before I developed an extreme depression which felt like the only escape was either death or just not caring so much about petty things any more. I was shy and reclusive. I thought I was simply doomed because of being awkward. But I realized that social awkwardness is just a manifestation of a lack of self confidence and arises from pre-judging myself negatively before I even introduce myself. I paid way too much attention to getting positive social appreciation rather than just acting like myself and trying to have a good time. I equated being liked with enjoying socializing. Being liked is a good feeling because it causes a dopamine rush, like a drug. But you shouldn't be addicted to surges in feel-good brain chemicals because they interfere with willpower and they lull you into a stupor of delusion. The moment I stopped caring is the moment my life started improving. Not everybody will like you. No matter who you are and what your social standing is or any other personality variable. But SOMEBODY will. I promise you. And the key to finding these people is simple (though difficult to understand for shy people stuck in a loop of judging themselves to be shy from the outset ( which is normal and not a reflection of your real value or an indicator of personal flaws in character)): 1.) Stop obsessing about others and learn a skill or get a trade or learn a different language or get good at something like an instrument. Easier said than done when 90% of one's focus is on others random, superficial, and misguided opinions of yourself. So cut that out and devote yourself to something of substance. 2.) This point follows from the first. Once one quits that needless obsession of what's in the minds of other people, you will naturally regain your individuality. You probably have convinced yourself of the delusion that "I'm just not very interesting enough to get dates or make friends". But we are ALL interesting and in our own special way. So don't be demure about your specialness. 3.) Just like with point 2, point 3 follows from the former. Once you regain the necessary and sufficient confidence to BE YOURSELF and just say "to hell with it to what people think", you will naturally start putting yourself out there, you won't shy away from courage and you'll be immune to people's half-assed, ad hoc critical assessments, and you will naturally attain friends and a realistic social network that appreciates your jokes or your talents or your achievements or whatever you have going for you. And they will enjoy your company and genuinely like you. If you don't at first succeed, and people judge you and think you're weird or awkward or unlikable, simply thank yourself for the privilege of not wasting more time on them and move on. And keep with the struggle and move on and on and on and I can guarantee you'll find somebody in the right time and with enough sincere application of sufficient effort . It's not easy, mind you. Again, it is a struggle. But it's completely doable for those that try and are honest with themselves and don't give up. I hope this comment wasn't too long to turn someone off who may be struggling like I was. I hope it reaches somebody. Because I was there and it was lonely and depressing enough to want to end my life. I convinced myself of many self-effacing lies in search of answers to my dilemma. I had obsessions of suicide. The moment I truly accepted myself was the moment the pain of my loneliness faded. We either die from substance abuse, commit suicide, accept our suffering, or assuage the situation. Thankfully I chose the latter and it was one of my best choices.

My social anxiety is all centered around the days, hours, minutes before the social event (which can include going to work everyday). Once I'm there and talking and interacting it's great and fine but God do I ever work myself up beforehand.

I was born with the “gift of gab”. I used my skill allot from age 13-20. Then, all of a sudden. I started to feel compassion and empathy. Since then I haven’t been able to take advantage of people the way I once did. And boy did I talk myself into and out of,many different things

The most helpful video I’ve seen about social anxiety. I come back to this trick all the time. It works.

Other Person: Hello, how are you ? Me: Yes

People with social anxiety don't go to parties in the first place lol

Easier said than done and probably easy to come from someone who doesn't have a anxiety disorder but you are right in a sense. It's just not quite that simple for someone with a true anxiety disorder.

This dude is a master of gesturing he creates a vivid image with every gesture he makes and even further amplifies what he is saying

I'm chill with my friends but when it comes to strangers..

Random person at my gymnastics practice talking to me: This is so hard! Me not knowing what to say: awkwardly stares at them and smiles🙂 Me: Before I go to bed being really embarrassed and stressing about how I could have done better...

When I start to feel nervous, feeling like people are judging me, I immediately look at their eyes. To my surprise, most of the time they're not even looking at me lol. They're playing with their phone or looking around for something to keep their mind occupied. I find it to be a great confidence boost and encouragement that I have to speak up draw them into conversation.

As a person who suffers from social anxiety ( but it's so mutch better) his words are on point ,the only problem with eye contact and looking at other people ,is the fact that it can bring problems and very unpleasent argues ( wich brings too many antention in public). I think the main thing besides his wise words ,is the fact that you can accept yourself (socially) when u do ,all the monsters from you're head disapear...but speacking is quite easy ,the hard part it's to manifest it to reality .

Jordan Peterson reminds me of healthy rick

What makes me feel better sometimes is something I heard a while ago: You almost always remember your own social blunders, but you rarely remember the blunders of other people. Same goes for the other people. Nobody is thinking about you! Once you realize that, it's rather empowering.

He is right. I had some bad episodes of social anxiety and it always got better when I looked at people rather than avoiding them.

My friend has social anxiety and i have been so annoyed by the fact that i don’t know how to help her with it. This video helped me and i’ll look more into how i can help her. Thank you Jordan Peterson

Social anxiety disorder is curable. I had SAD (an appropriate acronym) from the ages 13 to 18-19 due to severe bullying in high school. If you're wondering why I was bullied at school, at the root it's because I just didn't fit in with my peers - I was different (often described as weird). It's that simple. In any case, after leaving high school at 15 years old I put myself out there, and bit by bit, I got better. What you need is positive feedback. If every time you find yourself in social settings, people are negative towards you, your brain will view social interactions as a threat. Thus, you will become anxious, just like if you were facing a predator in the wild. You must get out there and meet people, no matter how awkward you feel, and gain positive feedback. If you can't find it with one group, find another. Surround yourself, at first, with people who like and respect you. All the while you must have inner confidence and belief in yourself. Once you've had enough positive reinforcement you can go out there and take on positive AND negative feedback, without it really affecting your ability to socialize.

Idk what he was saying after he told me: “Dont think about the White Elephant “

I got over my anxiety by walking in public places, telling and believing that I was better than everyone within my sight. That built confidence, which turned off the inferiority that was plaguing me

one of the greatest lectures i've ever seen

Monday I teach my first college class. This UKposts video could not have come at a better time!

"It's the terrible predator that has the gold" is such an eloquent way to put it. You gotta put yourself out there I guess

The only person that gives me hope to fight my anxiety and it really helps..

I love his eyes! They seem so full of compassion love and care! I love his confidence! It’s an attractive trait to have! Confidence pulls me in!!

The opposite helped me. I just concentrate on me, not on the other. When you have social anxiety, you think the others are so important. But thats not true.

When you start loving yourself and also facing those anxiety problems everyday, doing things that makes you feel uncomfortable... you will notice a change in your personality and will be stronger, but getting better on this requires time and discipline 💪

I like characterizing these things as monstrous. I feel like it validates and makes you feel better about what your facing. It even gives me extra confidence to face those monsters

Social anxiety disorder is just another form of clinical anxiety and can be extremely serious. Imagine people being afraid of social interaction like it’s death. Where throughout the working day your blood pressure is tremendously high, you sweat, you go dark red for hours as your mind creates fantasys of the people around you mocking you which cements yourself as a worthless being. your mind is in a constant battle arguing with itself ferociously at tremendous speed. Your life is a toxic game as your sole aim is survival against evil thoughts created by your own mind. Your dissociated, you become so spaced out you find it impossible to do the simplest of tasks. You can’t hold a conversation or figure out 2+2 because of the state of your mind. Finally finish your day at work and you get home. The physical anxiety fades away as you are no longer in danger but depression kicks in. insignificant moments of the day where you felt you were embarrassed are replayed on loop. The day is a failure and so are you. You have bad headaches and feel like fainting and vomiting because of how hard your body was working throughout the day. This cycle of anxiety and depression gets worse over time until your paralysed in fear during the day and suicidal at night. You lose your job as a result. It has gotten so bad you are isolated from everyone and can’t step out the house at all every day. You have dehumanised yourself and everyone is a threat. You are completely alone and have nobody. You hate yourself and everything else in the world and have lost everything. Then you continue this path and the consequences are now monumental. Suicide, phycosis ect.

When he said “I hate being here” I felt that

...and if that doesn't work, there's always cocaine.

We are so lucky to have Jordan at this moment.

I think this depends on how severe your social anxiety is and what it's based in. Yes it's all internal but this mentality is ingrained within us. Growing up we learn to treat others the way you want to be treated, obey laws and social norms, proper etiquette, common decency, etc... and then of course we all want to be liked or accepted for some reason or another, at least most reasonable people do I think. But some people's social anxiety stems from deep rooted trauma or complex post traumatic stress. This is a much more complicated broad topic.

What i LOVE about Jordan Peterson, especially this video, is as he is explaining how important it is to pay attention to someone to reduce social anxiety, he is directly communicating this to one student at a time & maintaining eye contact while speaking to everyone as a whole. Its like he’s literally showing an example without saying he is. & if the student were paying attention, they would notice exactly that. I would love to take a class with him.

"some people have no social skills" I am some people.

TY Jordan, I'm socially anxious & about to hold workshops for 20 ppl.. I know the subject matter back-to-front. But still experiencing nerves .. 3 wks to work on this! Again - THANKYOU ❤

This is so true. Very enlightening, I always feel like I knew this subconsciously, but never payed much Importance to it

"When you're socially anxious, look at other people." I actually started doing this relatively shortly before watching this video, and it works. It works so well, I can't even believe it. As a 28 year old man who's had social anxiety my whole life, nothing helped as much as this after a while. You remove outer anxieties and therefore stop agonizing over yourself so much because you suddenly learn to personalize the social experience to individual people at a time, which is (assuming you're an introvert) what the introvert's social disposition is, anyway. In a group of 50, focus on one, and then BOOM, you're part of the group.

I used to keep my back hunched and look at the floor and I was nothing but a shadow. I started to walk upright and keep my head straight and the amount of people that talked to me went up like crazy. Showing confidence through body language is a killer.

Got invited to a party with co-workers. The closer the time got, the more nervous I got. I watch this video. Took a deep breath and went for it. Had a blast, so glad I went.

>how to overcome social anxiety >have social skills well gee thanks professor

I have bad social skills for people I don’t know. This is where I think my social anxiety stems. I literally just don’t know how to talk to a new person...

Truths raw and naked. This world needs more Jordan Petersons.

I have his book 12 rules for life, an antidote for chaos and I’m on rule 2. I like it so far.

is it just me, or does Jordan Peterson make the world sound like a video game?

This is a trick I learned when entering into a room full of people, to show confidence , my shoulders are back and down, my chin is tucked back not upward, and my arms are to the side with thumbs facing forward and slight mischievous smile, once in that stance your brain tricks yourself into confidence mode and you become more social and others social towards you, I know it sounds weird but it works for me

Just amazing. One video worth more than fifty years of going around all over the place to individual and group therapies of all kinds. Thanks Jordan Peterson !

this man is a breath of fresh air.

I literally killed my social anxiety when i started as trainee in a t mobile retail shop and after 5 years i became very confident within these 5 years. Now i always try to look ppl into the eyes and dont lose my focus before them, it helped a lot and the best thing is you get a sense for when ppl start talking the truth or when they lie.

I like to interpret what he’s saying as „focus on the situation you’re in and the overthinking will go away”, what a great piece of advice which has done me a lot of good as an introverted and socially awkward person

Wow I can't believe the 20 years I've had social anxiety all I needed was this video. That's so crazy. 🙄

I have severe social anxiety and this video really hit on points that are true

I love how he always reinforces that life is difficult and problematic. It’s really relieving to just acknowledge that life is hard and then decide how to function with it instead of trying to keep up with this fake “life is all happiness and endless potential” outlook.

This feels like one of those things that is easy to understand, easy to explain to people why they do it and how to change it...but actually doing it is a completely different matter entirely when its all someone ever does, it becomes about changing an entire behaviour more than just understanding what the solution is.

This video is very important. Many people have social anxiety.

I have a hard time with this, but eye contact and a straight posture when talking to people can take you so far, just clear genuine eye contact and attention

I think people who judge a lot (in silence) are the same people who's been afraid of being judged cause they think that they're being judged by others the same way they do while they're not

I watched this video a year ago... i was a total nervous wreck with acquaintances, friends and even close family. Now i feel confident and clear in my social life from learning this psychology... Finding this clip of literally changed my life, and I can't thank this man enough. The human brain is incredible...

What helped me was asking questions and listening carefully. People love to talk about themselves.

This made no sense to me 3 years ago, but now from experience this makes total sense. Social anxiety IS conquerable.