Ever since I found your channel, I can’t listen to any of the other so-called narcissism “experts” on UKposts. They spend too much time on fluff and trying to relate to the victim, as opposed to providing valuable, substantive insight and information. I’ve also purchased your book.

Basically everything described about the narcissistic experience sounds quite like the every day experience of a 7 year old. It's fascinating how much of their mental development is forever ceased before they are even adolescents.

For years I thought me ex-husband had bipolar disorder but after listening to your videos I now know that he has NPD. Thank you for providing your expertise. I now understand why he lost his law firm, his law license, had an affair with a borderline, lost his house, left me, and now lives off the grid in NM. I also understand why he does not call or have any interest in his son. This has helped me heal more than I can say!

Thank You! My ex boyfriend was married 4 times. He told me that he has Never been Faithful to anyone! He changes jobs constantly, never keeps any close friends. Is Anger is Explosive! And when his ex-wife came back into his life, at 1st I was mad and hurt. And After this Video I KNOW that his ex-wife did me a Favor!!!

Every time I watch one of your videos is like going to University

1st♥️ The silver lining In this quarantine is Sam Vaknin putting out multiple videos even in 1 week! Ou lala

The computer generated spectators is the most profound aspect of narcissism in my opinion. How they view the world is completely fascinating!!

I absolutely love your videos. I was watching this one and was saying out loud to my phone (to you) 'Yes, but then they abuse you after everything you do', and two seconds later you said, 'And the worst thing is that the narcissist devalues these people...' And I screamed 'Yes! Thank you!' No matter how many of your videos I watch I still struggle to get my head around how they can be so self destructive. You can give them everything and it will never be enough. More verbal abuse will come, always whsn you least expect it. Beautiful weekends or nights out or holidays, just ruined for no apparent reason. They need to be able to control your happiness and that is so toxic and sick. Thank you for your incredible intelligence on this subject.

Sam you are real genius in this topic. Every narcissist I know have one island of stability. But the rest is chaos. Just as you have described.

I must say that your explanations using metaphores have helped me immensley. I was raised by a malignant narcissist and had a front line seat to how they disolve human beings to nothingness. I needed to understand why and you have helped me , eloquently I might add, in this 'journey'. Thank you

Everything is scaringly true! The instability they cause, by themselves being the cause

Sam Vaknin is the only UKposts expert on the issue at hand. Thought provoking and excellent communication with his audience. I will look no where else!

Hello Sam, I have been in therapy for a while and have been studying cluster B personalities for about 2 years. And I stumbled upon your videos today. While listening, I became enraged, i am at work and had to calm myself down. You have hit everything spot on. What, and how explain things resonate in me. When I look back at all the abuse all the "uncashed checks" the lies the manipulation, I am agry at myself and angry at them. Thank you so much for lifting the wool from my eyes, and dispelling the delusion that I believed for so long.

Basically what I’ve learned is that anyone and everyone could possibly be a narcissist or psychopath

I’m a narcissistic man. I seem to always find myself attached to psychopathic women. The relationships are always toxic. I am provocative and she is violent. I am engulfing and she is cheating. I am indifferent and she is threatening to kill herself, calling the police or getting me fired from my work. I succeed somewhere and she tears me down. She injures me narcissistically and I go into a rage and throw her onto the streets. She leaves me and I beg for her return through suicidal gestures, promises of marriage, anything until she finally leaves for another man permanently. Then I find a new woman and if this cycle doesn’t repeat, I am bored and do not attach to her. I crave the emotional sadomasochistic cycle despite how painful and life ruining that it is and detrimental for me. I don’t want this form of love, but it’s all I ever receive. It seems to be reserved mostly for me, even psychopathic women treat other less provocative men significantly better than me. There is something about me that brings out the worst in women. A vileness.

Your comment about the short-term memory: so, this is why, for the longest time, I wondered if he had ADD...

Wow. So true. He was at his job as an engineer for 36 years. Had two divorces and his home was like a horder. Everything was a mess and disordered.

I appreciate when you compare normal reactions with the differences in narcissist. Sometimes the projection over time confuses the mind when character has been called into question over decades. The chaos is uncomfortable but normal and what should be normal becomes uncertain/questionable. My narc is a career narc with 4 shared children.

This video should be mandatory in high school.

Only yesterday I left someone with borderline personality disorder,a person who during our 8 months relationship had few anger rages coused by almost nothing. Once he hurted himself, once he woke me up after fight and had a episode of such rage I thought he will kill me ,he was always telling me he have abandonment issues and depression all his life,I tried everything to help him , but he wanted to almost make me constanly proving how much I love him almost he expected from me to nurse him. When I for example left to see a friend and told him it was good day,he would act numb and than sleep in another room. Almost every single argument he was telling me his episodes of rage anger was my foult, I suspected he suffers from borderline personality disorder and I was almost prepared to help but I realised he probably knows his diagnosis and hiding this from me. I felt completely trapped,I would be prepared to help but he continues to ignore to act and rejected antidepressants and despite being a teacher highly educated he smoked weed which I didn know at first about when I met him.simply I would never suspect that teacher can be smoking marihuanna so often( every day) I knew I will leave and cant be with him becouse of the addiction,but was prepared to help him. Situation went really bad when I realised he was trying to punish me via differen behavior towards me if I did something that he didt like. I didnt see myself as a victim couse I knew he is sick,however when I realised he doesn't take his self disstruction seriously I knew I have to leave. I recognised his manipulation and often he told me he doesnt want to be this person. I had no other option than leave, when I realised he and his behavior are taking controll of my life and the way I think. I made sure he doesn't know my new adress,and to be honest that s what my intuition was telling me to do,,,not to tell him. I really feel sorry for him,but,,if he doesn't care enough to care for this very serious mental sickness I couldn help. I would like to add he is a very good father but my only option was to leave. Also ,his father was a lawyer who was shot when he was only 8 and his mother had to work and almost left him to himself for a year. This is a scary very scary personality disorder but during covid I observed him a lot and I have a suspicion he only have his rages when he chooses to,that would suggest he is capable to control it! Very,very weird personality but also god person!!!

Thank you so much for this video. I was raised by two narcissists (one that is probably actually borderline with a strong narcissist type) - so relationships of any importance in my life always involve some aspect of this personality type and I’ve learned to accept it - as long as I keep learning about it and how to cope with it. I think some people don’t understand that some of us were so strongly shaped by narcissists that it’s not really possible for us to leave this type no matter who it is that surfaces. And being with a non-narcissist type would NOT necessarily even work for us (or feel ‘right’).

Simply outstanding. Thank you very much for breaking down the complexities of narcissism in this highly enlightening way. 🙏

Thank you Sam for the explanation, making the difference between the celebrity narcissist and the accomplished narcissist.

Your video of the difference between a narcissist and physcopath was very enlightening. I can't wait to watch the rest of your videos. So, glad your channel is here to listen and learn. Thank you.

Thank you Sam!! Your the best to explain this. It’s very deep! Thanks again you are really making me understand! It is hard still on the soul and I guess the ego when you have loved and you wondered always why no reciprocation. Never understood till I found you on u tube. I just feel like I wasted my best years in life. On a positive note I’m young at heart and will be fine. Knowledge is everything !! Helps a lot!! Thank you!!

"Play it again Sam" Thank you. Most readily understood of yours I've seen

Your explanations are amazing, your ability to read the narcissist's mind is absolutely amazing. No academic research comes close to your insights

Your content is amazing at the moment. So helpful!

Sam, you are amazing! Thank you for all that you do! ❤

All your videos have changed my life! Thank you for sharing your knowledge.

Sam, if they are alcoholic/covert borderline, how does the alcohol make the condition even worse, could you do a video on this? From the observer which was myself, he appeared to hate his life everyday, and had a tortured soul. The best line I have read so far about my experience was "They love without measure those they will soon hate without reason".

I have come only recently to your videos. I must say the mix of humor with often terrifying material is uniquely addictive.

Just brilliant. Thank you, Sam.

Best videos I've ever seen on narcissism, and I've seen a lot! Thank you so much

Great! Thanks for this video Mr. Vaknin. 👍

Thanks Professor Vaknin for your educational and excellent work. You've helped me for years.

again, well done, Sir!! Yiu are very witty and brilliant, I guess you know that - Thank you very much much for your extended and very very comprehensisive teachings, they are very valuable and over here really appres ciared! Allthough you say Psychology ist nit Science vut only litererally gerne, you‘re analysis is very accurate! If you might want to notice... Ithought myself to be ba super-empath, but but baybe I am simply a narcissist, and right now I feel feel at ease with this self-analysus! People are way too swift today with f*** labels, aren‘t they?

Thank you so much Sam Vaknin! I believe chain changement arrives because of the new energy one can find in new things after the perceived (and denied) failure one feels after disrupting the first thing

Great analogy at the beginning of the video!

Of all the videos and articles I've read on the issue of narcissism and psychopathy, this is by far the most concise. Thank you for your work!

Interesting and enlightening as always.

Def agree with you it can be dangerous to generalize and cater to victims without a much larger and better structure psychological profile of the experience. Thank you for being a voice of reason

Amazing as usual 🌹

This explains how I fell for it. Thank you!

You are my go to channel! I love all that you do!

So glad I found your channel

Thanks so much for this, Sam. I'm a bipolar female, but I relate to most of these descriptions. The part around 35 minutes where you talk about boredom with routine and the mundane. It really resonates with me. I just discovered you on an Amazon video documentary about this subject. I will have to search through your videos for anything on bipolar disorder and the connection / attraction to narcissists. I'm extremely curious about the effects of a relationship and reasons for this "cosmic" attraction between bipolar personalities and narcissists.

My mother is obsessed with her 200 boxes of books. She always says her books are her life. They are non-negotiable. Everything else is a whirlwind. Filthy, chaotic, hoarder of empty and filled boxes. She will fly into a rage if you touch anything of hers. She does hold on to my kids and tried me, but I got away. She still holds my youngest daughter as a way to get to me.

Valuable information, thank you very much.

Amazing everyday I learn something new from you’re videos ! You’re teaching skills are amazing . Thank you for you’re videos

So true they have a base women/men but they keep tearing other people and hurting other precious souls. We are going through a custody issue. This is so helpful to understand their dynamics.

That introduction malarky proper made me laugh! Nice 1.. and now having got to the end proper made me think too. My efforts to educate myself are paying off thanks to Sam Vaknin and his associate/ friend Richard Grannon. Everyday's a school day so they say, but these fellas must have helped so many. Discovering these two was a game changer and a serious personal leveller. Huge respect to both for such valuable and protective insights and the passion to raise awareness of not just the impacts of narcissistic abuse but offering the knowledge and understanding of why they are like that are. I've learnt a very valuable lesson in not to take it personally, so now I just object to being an object and that makes sense to me.

To the point!!!!! Great like always !

Thank you Sam , you are heaven sent, your knowledge has helped me understand what happened to me, and now I am healing my entire life and learning about what happened to my brain in the relationship, but it happened and I'm a survivor not a victim, thank you and God Bless you

Mercurial...what a great word!

So fascinating and I find myself many times thinking that in general human beings today fit a lot of these descriptions. As in the career narcissist so much of what you described seems like a typical job description of how are you should be in order to achieve success at that workplace. Also very interesting about black-and-white thinking of people especially on UKposts… I had never heard of a narcissist and now in the last several years it’s literally all you see on UKposts… Instagram it is a likely way over used buzz word. Most of the time when I’m listening to people describe it they just sound like they are angry and venting about some past relationship they had with a narcissist so now, everyone is a narcissist 🤷🏻‍♀️ I definitely take any content I listen to with a grain of salt.

Exactly that. The covert narc in my life is dedicated to hoarding money which he is good at but everything else is messed up (damaged relations with family, no friends, alcohol/porn abuse, no morals, depression/paranoia)

Thank you. For your insight

Iam speechless, love your videos.

Thank you for humanizing these people. I find many fans of other channels get bogged down and stuck in a dark, vilifying, and vengeful place. Most commenters here seem to be very gracious and open to new, even unpleasant information. Much more constructive than seeking out another buzzword salad to seethe to.

Borderline I would argue is it's own thing. But I would argue that alot of people get misdiagnosed with it and actually just have psychopathy or narcissism.

I was reading ICE MANS biography recently and it amazed me how Richard Kuklinski, a psycopath of the most violent kind, was able to create and sustain the image of the good and honest familly man, never had any extramarital affairs, spend time at home with his children doing simple every day activities etc etc... And in his one words this is what he actually wanted, a stable famlilly and he made his hobby of murder a job in order to support them. Maybe this was do to his paranoid side (he was diagnosed antisocial +paranoid)? Mr. Vaknin, i believe some videos on PPD would be interesting. I have heard that some times can be mistaken for antisocials.

It will be so helpful to have a book/ guide to easily teach my teen daughter about how to identify the mentally ill, so she does not have to learn the hard way. More than once I was involved with narcissistic people, I wish I knew what I learned with painful experiences. A book with examples of probably something teens like, love stories of people with this symptoms and how the wrong choice of boyfriend/ friends can destroy them. Teaching this early in once life can make a world of difference. Thank you for sharing such a valuable knowledge. ✨🌻

As you described the career narcissists, what came to my mind was some of the sharks on "Shark Tank".

Yes, humans are the most complex of all creation 😊

You are my favorite to watch. That intro thing you do for other's benefit!!!😄 It cracks me up ever time😂😹🙈✌

THANK YOU FOR THIS MATERIAL. I think a self-diagnosis can be tricky haha (of course) becouse I consider myself a stable, even sometimes boring person (definitely bored person) and without consultation with therapist and friends I would never think that I dont have an island of stability. But it's true and I see it now. Very interesting

Thank you, Sam, ❤

His mom is His island of stability.

Thank you very much .

well thank you for clarifying this for me, i am clearly a psychopath. no sign of stability, at all, this way

Thank you kindly

Everything you describe is completely true

yes. yes. yes. My mother graduated from a Naturopathic School and got a degree, but never could treat people. She worked for the last 30 years in min. wage jobs, but would tell anyone that she's a dr. She would consider herself an equal to any doctor she went to. She would challenge any doctor and grill them on their credentials. I finally realized that she hates me, because I always try to find the truth.

Fantastic .mine was covert / elite 😟

I like your sense of humor. Not sure everyone will get it

I agree! The exact words out of the narcissist in my life actually stated, “there is no such thing as color-it’s black or white.” Yet; the narcissist can have these tendencies-not all for each category. But, we all can certainly get the jest of the narcissists’ profile. Perfectionist, successful and confident in many avenues of life. responsible, pious, flirtatious, dutiful, workaholic, inventive, passionate, energetic, driven, seemingly truthful, intelligent, and gifted, but lives or might I say, instills fear in others. The negative aspects are with brut force, controlling, sadistic, abusive, lack of empathy, communication, understanding and compassion for the suppliers. But, still works to prove or set a good example with genuine aid, guidance and charity to others. With many foundations such as life long hobbies, stellar work performance, good relations outside of the home environment as in professional business interactions and social outings with travel, and fulfilling home duties. Love is strictly being available or present and transactional, or punishing, cruel, invasively intrusive out of internalized fear. Hurtful and sadistically abusive physically and verbally as well as emotionally. Critical and never personal-in getting to know close one’s intimately. More of a dictatorship, foundation-ally, stern on rules and duties but is neglectful of engaging in loving bonds. If so they are awkward and intrusive or scapegoating- Stepping on eggshells and escaping becomes the only foundation for the so called black sheep. Speaking one’s truth is halted immediately even when asked. Just a love/hate/fear type of unpredictability. There are no excuses but we all have our fault, weaknesses and quirks. Hopefully, we all can communicate, truly listen and understand our part and forgive for real change. We all need knowledge, time to heal, acceptance and love as well as to learn how to express our feeling for proper bonding. Even though it seems impossible; there is always hope-an effort. Talk therapy without toxic numbing, addictive substances is a healthy start. But to each their own. No judgments. We all have a voice and a choice to stand our ground. Everyone has their own set of circumstances to contend with and options. Understanding the drawbacks and seeing the signs is the first step to healing. Peace be with you all. 🕊♥️🕊 ETA🌹

Trough life I've mimic probably all of this types. I had. Didn't have other options in those times. I'm still have those roles in some situations, like business I'm running, and I'm more and more in media, so I understand thing about supply. I use those mechanism's to lift myself up! It's like drug's. No feedback, no inspiration; no inspiration - no money making, and so on and on. But there's nothing for free. Double edge sword ⚔️

Would be very interesting to have a lecture on what a normal range of the behaviors you described here would encompass in reasonably healthy peoole. (I got the feeling everyone ( maybe just me and I am projecting) is a bit off and ticks boxes here and there on a personality disorder spectrum.) How does one keep oneself in check and on track for a healthy path through life? I try to self reflect a lot, but this can be a self deceiving process too I' bet - especially when there is a lack of knowledge. For example: I want to do this or that for a good reason. Let's pick a field that is not popular. Music. People around one would usually tell one it is not safe and too risky. How to analyze this situation properly? Is a family or friends naturally concerned, overbearing, or is something wrong with the person not wanting to become a doctor? Last relationship was a mess - how can I analyze aspects in it and make sure I am not the destructive one or if I actually lack in areas and served as a catalyst for troubles - how can I find out and correct myself? A book on all that would be very interesting. Thanks Sam!

I have a narcissistic alcoholic father..and guess who I married? A narcissistic alcoholic. I have 43 years of experience living with assholes. My mom passed away from cancer because she was so mentally damaged by abuse...I always repeated to myself " I am not my mom, I will fight "...and I am still fighting even though I am not in contact with both narcs. Prof. Sam Vaknin is the only one who knows what he is talking about.

Hey Sam, can you do a video on the difference between the origin of celebrity and career narcissist? Can they be changed?

I think that entitlement is always a red flag because motives are important. NPD person can be super succesfull, sad thing is he/she would feel like imposter regardless.

Wow, thank you for speaking about the island of stability! My husband is a narcissist, I'm his island...he's never cheated on me. He is completely indifferent about other people entirely, uses everyone, they are all objects, all except me. If someone hurt me, he'd kill them and feel nothing. I don't know what to do. You're so right! Everything else is absolute chaos. Cannot hold a job. Has no friends. All family has abandoned him. I'm afraid if I walk away, he will kill himself or someone else. Any suggestions? I can't do this anymore. And what is wrong with me that I find this kind of insane devotion flattering? I don't want an unhealthy relationship. I love him, I know he loves me. I'm deeply saddened and so confused.

Love these videos. Will you make a video about Cluster B and gender transition? If an untreated Cluster B is treated with hormone replacement therapy, how does this impact their behavior? There isn't a lot of research on this specific topic.

Sam, I'm interessted in what you think about the phrase: It's our birthright to ... (be happy, live a life full of whatever). A lot of the so called spiritual teachers use such phrases . To me this is an example of a quite high sense of entitlement and sounds very narcisstic.

Your knowledge is amazing, I've learned a lot from watching your videos and I'm sure I have more to learn. Do you know if you don't mind me asking much about interactions between narcissists and separate autistic individuals? How that might work out? My children and I are on the autistic spectrum and I'm 99% sure my mum is a narcissist. I've had conflicts with mum over the years and she has caused a lot of grief. I'm just interested in your thoughts or perhaps a video of yours that you could recommend that I watch. Thank you for any help or advice you might give

Thank you Prof Sam Vaknin x

Hi Sam, thanks for this interesting video. Very helpful and insightful. I was wondering something after watching the video. Does the narcissist sometimes switch stablilty islands by necessity? For Instance when his partner is his island of stability, and she leaves. And there is no new availabele partner that he values as good enough to replace her? Can he then switch to have his stability Island at work for instance, until he has had a new island of stability in a relationship? Or if he doesn't find anyone, remaining with that stability focus at work?

You might go into this later, but couple questions… 1. Do _narcissistic psychopaths_ have the NPD “island of stability”? If so, how does it look different from pure-NPD “islands”? 2. How you describe the psychopath - the constant chaos, no stability, living a life like you’re a quadriplegic who’s insisting on competing in track and field, etc - sounds…..kind of a lot like ADHD lol. Even as you continue speaking, the emotional dysregulation, dysregulated grandiosity, etc etc…so much like ADHD. I guess the question, then, is: how can we tell secondary psychopathy apart from adult ADHD? Additionally, how might comorbid ADHD-bipolar further complicate the differential diagnosis here (since bipolar can inject additional chaos into the adult ADHDer’s life, can generate severe grandiosity that alternates with severe self loathing via mania vs depression, etc)?

How does one manage to get along with an odd bod of this description. I only ask after 50yrs of marriage and many years of longing and trying to help and hold our family together, to have my husband walk out saying he had feelings for a co-worker who was no spring chicken but I believe he needed her more than he needed me. We had a business together and it was my business to start with. He just took over believing, I guess, that he could do a better job. I thoroughly believed he loved me until our children left home when we were both about 45. Then things turned a little sour. I lost a new purpose built home, my job and my husband all in 1 year.

minutieux et concis

I somehow missed the minute in the video where Sam talks about a question to pose in order to establish whether someone is a Narc or Psycho...

Tank u !!

Sam, you are amazing...thank you. Can you please make a video talking about malignant narcissist MOTHERS? I need to hear your insights please. I’m struggling with my mother.

Hi Sam, Could you make a video talking about how Histrionic Personality Disorder is a female variant of secondary psychopathy? Thank you, Johnnie

Work in healthcare. The personalities are mind numbing. Brilliant people but watch your back for the knife.

Thankyou

Prof. Vaknin, you've had a lot of experience talking and testing other narcissists and I'm curious about their sense of shame. It isn't shame for their actions because as you've said and I agree with they can do no wrong. Howerver I'm just wondering because my ex would have a lot of nightmares all the time. He wouldn't always go into detail he just said they were bad dreams from his past relationships. What do you think were these just mortifications that made him angry or dreams of his actions that really bothered him, like reality trying to creep into there fantasy. Thank you

A lot to learn here. The part about short memories, with his life stopping at the end of his nose...might this be related to the reported inability to think critically? One draws on longer term memories to form opinions and to plan action from the opinions or beliefs. It is interesting; I have not heard the short memories discussed before seeing this video.

If you are pretty much trained from birth to follow your own ideas, no matter what anyone else says, because it will make you a legend...and everything you stated about Career Narcissist is what they teach in schools and life coaching as the ideal human? I've heard nothing my entire life but climb to the top, take no prisoners, you have to be ruthless...so how does one survive in that world with an actual heartbeat? I fear I may be a borderline psychopath because I refuse to be a career narcissist. You can't get a job unless you lie and cheat your way in and no one told me once I got in to sit down and twittle my thumbs for 20 years. I've been whipped to run hard and hot for my entire life...how am I supposed to decouple this psychopathy and narcissistic shell that's all broken and falling apart?