This has been just about every day of the last eight years since my husband died. I struggled with it before he died, I've had adhd anxiety and depression since i was a teen. But the last eight years, i have been paralyzed and it feels like weed is the only thing keeping me from losing it entirely. I'm a mom too, so that just makes it worse. My kiddos deserve so much better. Thanks for sharing.

I have CPTSD, i can relate to some of what you're experiencing. When you talked about your partner coming home and the anxiety of trying to hide your lack of daily activities or accomplishments... ugh. I just wanted to tell you I hate that feeling and that anyone else has it too. Hugs to you, stranger.

I isolate myself too. I go for weeks without seeing anyone. You are very brave to have a boyfreind! You are amazing for graduating college. I dropped out cause I couldnt take the pressure. I dont smoke weed, cause I live in missouri. I dont do video games because it hurts my eyes. I have porn addiction. I have depression, hopelessness, aimlessnes and no motivation or enthusiasm. I overeat instead of drinking. I do chores and then watch youtube all day. I'm unemployed and too sick to work. Most people are pretty messed up, so dont feel bad for having issues. We are all perfectly imperfect.

I'm so glad the algorithm suggested this. I resonate SO much with your experience, including using weed as a coping mechanism. These last few months have been especially hard, but one thing that helped me get out of a depressive headspace was getting really clear on my "why". I.e. when I wake up and feel like going back to bed, doom scrolling, etc. what's the thing driving me to act differently. It can be literally anything. Think of a time in your life when you were happy, something you enjoy doing, part of your identity you want to reclaim, etc. It can be as simple as "I'm not a quitter". The other (more important) part is accepting that the process of changing old habits will likely be hard and uncomfortable. Your growth will probably not be linear. But do it anyway. It'll get easier and you're worth it. Also, even though it's not always appealing, make your best effort to be physically active- it's one of the only activities that hits all four of the happiness chemicals in your brain. It doesn't have to be intense, even a 15 minute walk is great. Anything to connect your brain back to your body. Hope some of this helps, from one neurodivergent to another ❤

For quitting weed, I'd recommend starting with reducing your consumption. Going cold turkey from daily use can be really difficult, and that's ok. Ration by day/week. Or create a rule for yourself- every time before you smoke, you have to complete an unpleasant task, etc. This will deter you AND create a pause to shift your brain out of autopilot/allow you to act more intentionally. If you slip up, do your best not to shame yourself. We're only human- life is hard and our brains were never designed to handle this level of constant stress/stimulation. One step at a time, you got this ⚡️

Hi girl. You graduated not too long ago. Let me tell you, healing is in a way much more challenging than graduating. But you have it in you. These video's are evidence of it. This was a very brave video. I hope you take a moment to acknowledge that.

Takes guts girl. I was also diagnosed with AvPD and ADHD. A sleep study added sleep apnea, Restless Leg Syndrome, and hypersomnia to the mix. People have no idea how much it screws up your life. It destroyed any chance at a successful career. Get a degree ? Not a snowball's chance in... I have no friends and can go a week or 2 and not talk to anyone. You are right that they form a feedback loop. The ADHD embarrasses you, the AvPD provides a 'safe' hole to retreat to. The hpersomnia turns off the braIn as soon as I try to focus. The sleep apnea makes sleep a nightmare and RLS does the same during the day.. My drug of choice is weed since I was 18 (now 72). I do not think people understand how much the loneliness hurts. I have had periods when I catch myself brushing my arms with my fingertips just to remember what it feels like to be touched by another human being. Grocery stores, oh yeah. I am lucky I have one that is 24/7 so I go get groceries at 2:00 AM. But I will also say you are giving in. I was able to start getting a handle on it when I learned about the 'executive functions' view of ADHD. I realized that by understanding that pattern, I was able to start putting into place routines that made ADHD managable. Now I recognize the pattern as soon as it happens so I can stop and think then remember what I had just forgotten. I am now stopping to look around a room before I leave asking "OK, what did I forget to do/turn off/leave behind. Once I realized I could get ADHD under control, I could start working on the AvPD. I see a movement specialist for the RLS and now have drugs + magnesium that is controlling the RLS. Amphetamine battles the hpersomnia. Therapy helps with the AvPD.. Also realize that progress has to come in small steps. I tried to go on a group bike ride (too many people). Good people, but the emotional pressure kept building until all I could think of was "I have to get away". I have started repairing my relationship with my daughters. It helps that most of what I suffer from has a genetic component so and my daughter's have to deal with a lot of it too. We have now started a weekly video call with all of us and that is helping a lot. You can make it better but I think, like with alcoholism, you have to hit bottom and realize just how fucked up you are. Then, with help, you can start to rebuild your life. One other suggestion, look into the Myers Briggs personality types. I an a hard core INTJ with IN being primary traits. What I realized once I started trying to learn about INTJs, is how close the dianosis criteria for AvPD parallel the characteristics of INTJ. That helped me to separate out some of my behaviors as not coming from ADHD or AvPD but from my INTJ personality type. They were normal for me and I could separate them from the AvPD and ADHD and deal with them separately. I also think that a regular discussion group of people like us would help us to support each other and learn from other's experiences. I just do not know how to start such a group.

Thank you for your honesty. I have watched a few of your videos now. You are the female version of me 100%. Even down to the pets! Covid broke me too! and I live ground hog day. I’m also ADHD and AvPD, it make me happy to hear someone that is soooo much like me! Doesn’t make me happy that someone else lives this though! I’m sorry! But happy to know I am not alone.

This is so validating in so many ways. I have similar experiences and I'm glad to stumble across your video and vulnerability.

Hi Maxine! So true when you say it’s difficult to pursue happiness and fulfillment over comfort and safety. This truth applies to all people of all ages as well as those of us with AvPD. And certainly the pandemic has socially condoned our avoidant ways, which just dug ourselves in even deeper, making it more difficult to find our way out. In this sense, though, I’ve heard society as a whole is getting more and more schizoid and socially isolated. It seems we have found as a society that we don’t need each other as much as we once thought we did and are, therefore, more content to be alone. Still, we have our personal AvPD struggles to deal with apart from the tendencies of the larger society around us. The thing about avoidance, as I’m sure you are aware, is the longer you avoid the harder it is to face what it is you’re avoiding. But, yes, little by little I think we can work our way into the happiness and fulfillment that comes with pursuing our goals and facing our fears. I hope you’re doing well. My best to you on your journey!

Today is the first day I'm learning that you exist, and I already admire you so much for your honesty and vulnerability here. What an incredibly hard thing to do - to be so truthful about your pain and frustration with a bunch of strangers on the internet, and more significantly, with yourself. You're right, a lot of people (myself included) relate to the overwhelming fear and pain that comes with feeling your emotions head on, and to using weed and social media to keep it numb. I had a similar realization to what you're talking about in this video a little over a year ago, and I've been trying so hard since then to be present with my uncomfortable feelings in the moment. It's really hard, but I can see myself getting better at it and I can see my life and my relationships getting better as I do, and I know you'll get better at it too! Rooting for you, you're on the right path ❤ One thing that really helped me was starting to make art about my feelings - I like abstracts paintings, but it could be anything. Somehow, putting them down on paper made them easier to understand and easier to sit with.

In many ways I am glad I have always been single, because it makes me have to go out and do something almost every day. I also get a feeling a partner wouldn’t put up with me doing nothing all the time, and I wouldn’t want to put that on my partner. Else I’d probably have the same schedule and it would most likely get worse over time I hope you can meet your goals

Dankjewel weer voor je kwetsbaarheid, ik vind het knap en inspirerend dat je hier zo open over bent! Ik heb jaren geleden een soortgelijke periode meegemaakt, ik herken vooral de zenuwen bij thuiskomst van mijn partner, het zelfbeeld en de uitzichtloosheid. Wat mij heeft geholpen is mijn passie ontdekken, doelen in kleinere stukjes verdelen en creatief bezig zijn😊 Ik hoop dat je iets kan vinden wat je kracht aanwakkert om het tij te keren zodat je weer gevoelens van plezier en geluk mag gaan ervaren! heel veel sterkte en succes! You can do it🍀

Major props for the self awareness and I am rooting for you

You have no idea how much this video helped me to cope with the feeling of shame I'm experiencing. We share the same daily routine, if it can even be called a routine. 😅 I have not been diagnosed with AVPD yet, but I think I have both AVPD and ADHD, and I haven't been able to function even slightly in my entire life. I'm nearly 22, and I've been soothing myself my whole life and haven't done anything. Now I'm feeling so stuck and still can't really do anything. sorry for eng, not my first language💗

TOTALLY non-professional advice, but based on experience (forced) and research, Exposure Therapy of slowly increasing tolerated levels of triggers, ending each "training" while positive, VS increasingly avoiding activities is VERY helpful!!! And as a woman, frankly, the clock on how long you can exist this way is shorter than you think we are especially vulnerable, and living this way is passive suicide even WITH a dream trust fund. And yes, I'm speaking to my younger self, & anyone else that needs to hear this! You deserve better, and you know in your heart what tiny, tolerable steps you can take to get OUT of your comfort zone and build upon, which absolutely gets easier. Definitely reward yourself! And RADICAL ACCEPTANCE is super life changing. Sending the reader sincere, understanding vibes 😍

Hi when Im laid off from work. This is my day. You are not alone. You are not different except in the respect of sharing it all. Many moments stood out. Especially when partner would soon arrive home. Clean or fix something quick. Should i shower. ? What a lot of work that would be. Guilt. Loss of togetherness is what I would feel in evening. Ok that’s enough of me. Thank you so much

Damn I needed to see this. Thank you for sharing all of this. I feel so much less alone now. You’re amazing and I hope you just keep moving forward 1 day at a time at a pace that makes you comfortable.

Thank you for creating and sharing.

Thank you so much for making these videos, they help me to not feel so alone. I relate to almost everything you talk about. One thing that has begun to help me break the "groundhog day" cycle is to make sure I get out of the house everyday or at least every other day. I do my hair/makeup and pick out a nice outfit. Even if it's just to go to the grocery store or take a walk, I think it gives me more confidence and helps me to feel a bit more productive for the rest of my day. I still hold out hope that things will change for me and I look forward to your future videos 🙂

Thank you so much for sharing this I wish you the best

Thank you so much for this video. I have many days like this or moments when this is my routine. I have depression so it comes around harder some times than others. The pandemic def flipped a switch in me and my weed use got much more frequent and never stopped. This video was rly powerful just in hearing your story but also like seeing your bravery to share it rly makes me feel less scared about facing my escapism head on. Really appreciate it. Came back to add that I def am somewhat ok with being alone more than I used to be, it can be really calming and I need the space to recharge a lot of the time. But ya I know some of it is escapism and with weed I know some is fun but also a lot is escapism for me lol

Well done for taking the first step. You inspire me to do the same. I use food and social media as my main distractions. Im always trying to strategise my way out of bad habits, but the other day I came up with something that was so simple but helped hugely (well, for a couple of days at least!). I told myself “it doesn’t matter what you do all day, so long as you don’t scroll”. That seemed to simplify everything and suddenly my world opened back up. By not telling myself what I ‘should’ be doing or ‘have to’ do, and instead just ‘not doing’ one thing that I already hate doing, felt so much better. That said, I scrolled a lot today. But after watching your video I’m inspired to have another ‘day off scrolling’ tomorrow! A day at a time, right?

You are looking so much more vibrant and healthy nowadays! I know it can be almost impossibly hard to deal with sometimes, but never stop trying.

I appreciate you sharing. You are a natural at expressing your thoughts. I have many symptoms as you, possibly autistic, agoraphobia, adhd, bdd, avpd, depression, anxiety. I like ambient noise such as a fan. the sound is relaxing. I get that. I've been dealing with insomnia for the past year so my routine is waking up randomly between 2-5am in the morning and just haphazardly going about the day, usually doing "stuff" at home. I stopped social media except for youtube. I've never tried weed even though it's legal; there's only sketchy people selling it in sketchy areas, so I don't bother. "wishing you want to change" is the first step to change.

I recently came across your channel . I have avoidant and life-wasting habits similar to the ones you describe. Your honesty serves as a mirror, reflecting the errors I wouldn't admit to myself. Hopefuly we can all improve. Thanks for the videos.

making a youtube video and even multiple videos is a huge achievement- most people who would think of making one never would so you have broken this barrier and you can break more

YOU ARE NOT ALONE.✨🙏Loads of love and support from France 😘

So glad I came across this video. It takes a lot of bravery to share the side of you you're not very proud of and are trying to fix. I've always had an issue with porn addiction since I was little. Luckily I'm holding a job that keeps me away from my phone and the internet for the most part, but if it wasn't for that I'd be the most isolated person to ever isolate. For some reason weed has the opposite effect on me and tends to heighten my anxiety so luckily I have one less substance to worry about getting addicted to lol.

I've been watching your new uploads out of order over the past couple of weeks, but I wanted to thank you for having the courage to put your story out there like this, it's been an instrumental tool in my own journey. I remember being really sad when I noticed you had privated your videos, and it's been really nice to see you back on here. I found your video about AvPD back in 2022, and I was blown away when I realized I wasn't alone. It was the wake-up call I needed to finally research neurodivergence to the point where I've realized that ADHD and Autism are very likely possibilities for me, even if diagnosis isn't accessible. This video was much the same, it's always shocking to hear about experiences that are so similar to our own. Weed addiction has become such a feedback loop for me: I smoke to numb my feelings, and over time my ability to tolerate my own emotions has eroded so much that I could hardly stand to not be high, so I smoke to ease THAT anxiety. I think the same is true for my complete reliance on noise, UKposts videos, and video games (ANYTHING to drown out my uncomfortable thoughts/emotions.) I had another wake-up call this week when I decided to take a "small" hit of weed a few hours before a job interview to help calm my nerves, only to realize that my eyes were noticeably red/bloodshot. I spent the entire time before/during/after worrying about whether my interviewers noticed. They never said anything, but I didn't get the job (unsurprisingly.) As soon as I got home from the interview, I threw all of my weed in the trash. I know it's going to be hard as hell to quit, but I think you're right in that setting intentions and being mindful of decisions you're making to change your life can make all the difference. That, and learning to acknowledge how self-defeating shaming myself can be. From one attempting quitter to another, I'm wishing you all the best in your journey.

Thank you. I dont know what i have, but sounds a LOT like this:) I am watching your videos from begining, great.

Thanks for being so vulnerable and honest. I'm struggling right now to figure out if I can/ how I will hold down a job with my depression and social anxiety. It's a lot, and really demoralizing, so thanks for making me feel less alone :)

respect. keep us updated. we want the best for you. this seems like a difficult video to make and I personally feel you are very hard on yourself. but I only see the videos so who knows for sure. I am guilty of that harsh self talk too, i am 42 kind of in the same situation as you are via medical issues, thank goodness my wife still puts up with me...I hope you don't mind me giving my opinions above. cheers and keep your head up. stay busy is the key to quitting weed. rekindle some old project or hobby, helps me anyway although it seems like you have been down this road before.

Hi and Thank You Very Much! Your videos really helps me. I have both ADHD and AvPD, but think have no Dependent traits. In my case I have ADHD, AvPD and sub-clinical OCD... and SSAD (Specific Social Anxiety Disorder) aka SSP (Specific Social Phobia) specifically Fear of Intimacy or so to speak Intimacy Anxiety Disorder. Thank You Very Much!

Your courage in making these videos is a true strength. I hope feedback is validating and fortifying for you, that it may contribute to you gaining confidence and fuel your healing as well. I feel the shame around not being ‘productive’ every day. please know that you are just as beautiful and capable as a human being regardless of how productive you are during the day. I’m proud of you for striving for a more fulfilling life, though. I’m rooting for you and gaining courage through you. Thank you

Saw this come up and put it on for bg noise, but hoowee isn't it distracting when I hear all these damn similarities in the way things are going for myself as well. If anything it helps to know someone else out there is genuinely struggling with the same things, things that seem to come so easy to everyone else that are just paralyzing to even consider doing more than once a week. It's exhausting somehow haha. Thanks for uploading tho 💜

Thank you for being vulnerable and courageous. I feel motivated and less lonely after watching this video.❤ Most of my days are literally the same as yours, minus the pets and the weed. I used to smoke weed but I can't (and dont want) anymore, because of panic attacks. And I can't have pets because my bf is allergic lol. :( This morning I woke up and just wanted to grab icecream right away, which I did. I layed in bed scrolling for like an hour while eating icecream. Then I got up, had my green tea, put on a little makeup and now I'm messaging you this.. Thanks again for being vulnerable and brave. Your voice is appreciated. Truly just you sharing your human experince, unfiltered, is helpful and inspirational. ❤

Hi there, thanks so much for your video. I have been living repetitive days of nothingness for some years too. I have managed to make healthy meals as a Pilar of my routine and exercising. Yet so disconnected...I am unsure how to cope...today my days have become so boring....I need to do something different, but am safer in this routine. Good on you...and yes quitting weed is a good idea! I stopped a few months ago, I feel better, am very wary of my permanent need to escape.

Don’t call yourself a loser! Be kind to yourself. These personality disorders may be, in part, genetic - we also may be extra sensitive personality types (hardwired). Some will be able to “recover” greatly, while some - I don’t think can ever change to a huge degree. I am actually schizoid, changed from avoidant recently, and dissociative. I am 63, so that makes it even harder, the longer you’ve lived this way. Gorgeous cat and, yes, animals have grounded me, too :)! This is NOT your fault, originally! Remember that. You did not ask for this or consciously choose it. :) :) :)

If I didn’t have asthma, I would be taking a tiny hit of weed every night - because instead of it numbing me, it actually connects me to my emotions and takes me out of dissociation. A part of me thinks if I had been doing this all along, I would’ve figured things out a bit more and not be stuck where I am at 44 yrs old lol 😢 You’re on the right track though. I didn’t know I had AVPD and ADD at age 30, and from where I’m standing, you’re still so young. Do what you can now to heal, because in my experience, in the 40s, there’s just another layer of shame to manage.

Love your hair

I think I can speak to a thing or two that you laid out in your video. First of all, I assure you, shame and guilt have limited utility, and very quickly yield diminishing returns; however, while one needn't be a flagellant about their shortcomings, it doesn't relieve one of accountability to themselves as much as others. You have voalized awareness of this, and that's the first step to make change happen. Secondly, let me be clear, I'm not telling you or anyone how they ought live their life (I'm not your supervisor); again, however, I can tell you from personal experience, having used cannabis regularly from around 22 until recently when I quit earlier this year (I'll be 40 in November), while all substances affect different people in different ways, for whatever good the stuff did for me (and that was non-zero), the fact that there is no guarantee as to the purity or potency of what is available where I live (not legalized) makes it all the more of a dangerous gambit. Even in states where it's legal, one cannot be too careful, especially if one is also taking doctor prescribed pharmeceuticals that already have an effect on our dopaminergic systems in a way that *is* well understood, and the drug prescribed is well regulated to ensure both purity and correct potency (post titration). So, even though its legal, unless you're aware of the potency of what you use, there's no way to know to what degree it will affect you. Thirdly, I want to expand on my experience of use, especially the positive (though this is not an endorsement for further use). Personally speaking, contrary to what so many report, I was far more productive when I used daily, and I only ever used the minimally effective dose, usually only a couple times a day; once on waking, and later, usually after noon lunch. I think that's what is referred to as "high functioning" substance use or dependence. Nonetheless, though it did something for my ability to self-motivate, and open my mind to new possibilities, the indisputable effect it had on an already naturally inhibited working memory (which I've had since early childhood) could not be ignored. Additionally, the way that THC has an inhibitory effect on REM sleep has further long term negative impact on our working memory and overall exectutive function (EF impairment being at the heart of ADHD), and many with ADHD already suffer difficulties with sleep, with or without prescription stimulants, and I was surely no exception. Lastly, I wish you the best in your efforts to abstain from cannabis use, however you have to do it. While I'm sure I don't understand how the dopamine enhancing effects are different than that of stimulants such as Adderall, I imagine you'll be better off in the longer term with only the latter. And, as I imagine you might already be aware, there will be a difficult period of re-adjustment after cessation, including (but not limited to) irritability, agitation, nervousness, depression, etc., the longevity and severity of which will be determined on how long you've been using, the potency of what you've regularly used, and the frequency of use. Post acute withdrawal syndrome varies from person to person for those reasons; but, be assured, those symptoms of cessation are not permanent, and the brain's plasticity will do its thing in good time. A talk with your partner might be in order to help them also understand what you'll be enduring, so that they may best be able to support you during this challenging transition. Again, I wish you the best outcome, and believe that if you want to make it happen at your core, you will. Be well.

Good luck. I'm trying and it is bloody hard. For me the first 2 days u dont feel too bad but 3 and 4 were real bad. Nearly had to end it all but i got through😊

I am 47 year old loser, having failed at things that I have tried for various reasons (weaknesses)

My life sounds pretty much like yours, minus the partner and substance use. I just scroll all day long… half of the time I can’t even muster up the ability to feed myself properly or use the bathroom at regular intervals. My life feels so small and suffocating… and I’m always so irritable, because I am never actually taking care of myself and my basic needs in any of this. It is so frustrating and distressing to live this day in and day out- it feels like I’ve fallen into a pit that I won’t ever be able to crawl out of, at this point.

Love that you're doing this on a regular now ❤ if you ever want to do a mashup or video together, I would love to. Keep making these videos

Nice to hear someone with a similar perspective. I'm in the exact same position & while weed is pretty damn great, it's definitely something that keeps me in that "comfort zone". Without that added cost, I could likely budget properly & probably be more proactive. Either way it's always a fine balance, it has its place, but kicking it entirely might be a good measure.

The title made me laugh. My routine substance of choice is coffee, since I learned it from my parents and it’s an artificial excuse to do things including turn stuff down because, “I’m overcaffeinated.” Your anecdote about your hairdryer habit made me a whole ’nother level of comfortable because for lack of better words, I thought, “yeah, she’s as fucked up as me.” We all got those hyper-specific embarrassing needs. Re: quitting weed, I’ve found some success at reducing my indulgences with the I Am Sober app and I think you might appreciate it since it’s strongly community-oriented but with incredibly low pressure, so it’s the only accountability measure I wasn’t instantly scared by. Best of luck!!

I see myself as extremely self-conscious and critical. I assume other people feel competent and accomplished. Wouldn't it be ironic if we could look inside other peoples thoughts only to find that they too felt inadequate but simply manage to cope with it better?

I knew you were going to talk about cannabis. I've also struggled with quitting (have quit numerous times). Might nut be such a problem if 8 didn't do it alone every time and only did it after say 5pm

The hairdryer made me think autism (I was diagnosed at 30). We have a lot in common. Remove the bf, the pets, the ability to go to a party, and (one good thing) I 95% quit drinking. Add gaming addiction. It's been many years for me. Just got diagnosed with ptsd as well (also mdd and assumed gad, and many adhd traits). This is the first video I've seen from you, but maybe you also have some specific things that cause you to want to escape? I've proven time and time again, that it doesn't "fix" anything for me to see WHAT I'm doing wrong and WHAT I should do instead. I need to explore the WHY. I think... Heavy shit lurking beneath the surface. Hope you can get the help and support you need, and that this channel can also help motivate you (and don't let it work against you, if it's adding pressure instead of motivation, it's not helping you, keep an eye on that for yourself please). Wish you all the best, thanks for sharing.

Girl you are actually freaking amazing for having enough self awareness and courage to make this video and put it out for the world to see, I totally can relate to basically every single thing you said, but am just way way too much of a pussy to admit any of it to anyone, which makes me feel even more pathetic lol I'll have to look into avoidant personality disorder honestly I dont know anything about it and just very very recently arrived to the whole undiagnosed adult adhd party...but literally like everything you spoke about resonated with me for sure. I totally would love to chat with you and share my story as I feel like I really have no one to talk to, but I definitely assume you didn't come on UKposts looking for a new virtual bff lmao

And the weed thing too! I also live in CO and yeah it's a bit of a ongoing/growing industry so it's very readily available.. before even approaching that goal I decided to pick up Vapes and that is probably the dumbest thing I did. It didn't really help me with anything regarding what I wanted it to do to 'replace my previous habit' it just accompanied them now and is providing a growing reliance on nicotine, which I somehow never picked up on this hard before. Hella frustrating, especially with weed it's a bit of a double edged sword because I'd rather fall back to just that now. Even if I feel like it's an unhelpful effect when I have the clock ticking on things I sure as heck ain't getting done. Eh. That's a hard one to crack, maybe try smoking Damiana or an alternative herb (I used to roll these into my joints to stretch weed lmao) so you still have the ritual part of your routine available and maybe the feeling of 'loss' or vacancy of that activity would seem suck. There's stl effects to Damiana or alternatives but I think it's far less potent than weed for a number of reasons, and some are quite useful. P sure skullcap can rid headaches but it tastes awful. Well I've gone on long enough, hope that helps or is at least not annoying

Thank you. It really makes me feel less like a completely special failure. Fkn sad life tho😢

I smoked weed for 34 years and quit cold turkey a year ago. It was the best thing I ever did. I also quit drinking. It was at that point I realized that society wants us to stay avoidant. It is what keeps the dysfunctional construct of free-market capitalism going

❤

I've been playing Baldur's Gate 3. Starfield is fun too. I really like single player games. Keeps me occupied for hours. I have two monitors. On one I have social media apps so I feel I have company and the other I play games, watch tv/movies/twitch/youtube, surfing internet. I practically live in front of my computer on my free time. That's the problem. I feel so comfortable doing this everyday, I don't want to change by going out around people. I'm happy you are at least trying by going to that Halloween party.

I call it “groundhog day.”

This has been my day too for almost a decade now. My video game is Baldur's Gate 3, and there are a couple other differences, but it's basically the same. My roommate is my best friend and technically still my husband. We are separated and tried to get divorced but the state rejected it. He cooks, works, does most household chores. I also have EDS and RA so doing most chores is just.. painful.

✌️❤️

Hey there. I dunno if you'll see this or believe me, but I have to say it. I was where you are now back in 2020. I'm your age. The economy is bad, the cards are stacked against us, however - if I got out of it, you can too. I'm c-ptsd/bpd, it took me 5 years to get to this point and I won't say I'm recovered - but it's so much better, and I'm so much better, than back then. It may sound like just words right now, and I get that. But seriously, if I was able to do it, you can too - and you are so deserving of it.

I,m Brazilian with avpd… I have 30 years

weed makes it bad for thoughts tho imo, unbearable if I wakebake. I smoke at 9pm err night, but it's only 1 or 2 hits and some booze.

Hi! Is there a way to contact you? I intimately knew someone with AvPD and I think it might be something that would interest you. I understand this can be an intrusive request, so whatever you decide is good :)

Hello darling ♥️

Ok your inner monologue SUCKS. You are not a loser, you have been struggling. Remember, you are not your diagnosis and no one is "perfect" even if they appear to be.

JESUS saves from every single pain and void that you feel. I was an atheist majority of my life 29 yrs. Read book of JOHN and ask for help and have Faith in him, he'll respond to you crys!!! I love you all ❤️

I was recently diagnosed with AvPD, which is a type of anxiety disorder. I have an anxiety disorder within the spectrum, and it's my nature to frequently feel anxious, even when the situations are generally ordinary. I often have high blood pressure due to either anxiety or hypertension, and some doctors prescribed me an antihypertensive medication, amlodipine. My anxiety leads me to lose control over my thoughts and behavior, especially when I'm with others. My mind gets chaotic, and it's difficult to keep my speech organized. I also experience physical sensations like a racing heart, watery eyes, and sudden stomach pain. I've been seeing a psychiatrist, and they prescribed me Ritalin for ADHD and an anti-anxiety medication. Unfortunately, the ADHD medication made my anxiety worse, which is why it's combined with an anti-anxiety medication. Unfortunately, I don't respond well to antidepressants. I've been taking alprazolam, but I know it's not suitable for long-term use. That's why I believe I need to discuss with the doctor to find the right medication for me. Currently, ashwagandha has been somewhat reducing my stress.The panic I experience is like the sensation of someone falling from the sky without being able to control their body. Floating, drifting, as if falling and about to crash hard.

I can relate to this so hard. I may have cried. I am addicted to weed as well. Ive never been diagnosed with avpd but i do have ADHD. I did have to basically stop smoking weed because I got cannabinoid hyperemesis syndrome from vaping weed. So basically that means weed makes me throw up. It’s so bad I’ve had to go to the ER. I’m slowly trying to make my life better but I’ve been struggling immensely. I hope we can both get better! ❤️‍🩹

I have never met someone I have so much in common with, hearing your videos really blows me away. It’s not just me! When we went into lockdown, it was the most amazing relief for me to not be obligated to visit people or attend my children’s school functions and stay inside where I feel way more comfortable. I just found your videos today and I’m really glad you’re doing these. Thank you.