My daughter is giving a presentation in school this week. Half the class just said they weren't doing it. When I was in school (I'm 44 now) there wasn't even an option to not do it.

What really helped me as a gen Zer was staying off social media, not comparing my self to others, and dipping my hand into everything I can. when I was 18 I was admitted to a psych ward because I was spending too much time thinking and moping about how much of a loser I felt like that I was becoming delusional hoping that my life would change somehow. When I started taking action and going back to school and pursuing a career my focus shifted from “why is my life like this?” to “how can I turn my life into this?”

What she says in the end here is the key. There is nothing wrong with feeling *all* emotions, including unpleasant or undesirable ones like anxiety or sadness, etc. All emotions are important and beneficial for different reasons. It's when you try to avoid or suppress these emotions when problems and disorders start to happen. For some reason we've come to believe that if you feel bad once in a while and aren't happy all the time then there is something wrong with you. And that couldn't be further from the truth. You can't have joy without sadness, just like there is no light without darkness. That is how it works. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

Years ago, my aunt lost her husband to Alzheimer's. It was a slow and agonizing death. Towards the end she had to put curtains up in the living room because he would see his reflection in the glass sliding doors at night and either try to talk to "that man" or be so scared "he was after him". Years later, after I had been married for a while, I began to have a deeper understanding of how hard that had to have been, and the weight of that hit me so hard I cried (and I don't cry). I see her about once a year at Thanksgiving, so the next Thanksgiving I went up to her and said how much respect I had for her going through that - she stuck with him to the very end. Her response to me was simple. She said, "I come from a tough family, and that's just what we do." She's a child of the Greatest Generation - an actual Boomer. We have a lot to learn from previous generations, and I'm inspired and thankful to call her "family."

We couldn’t afford therapy growing up. Instead we went to confession at church. When I was 15 years old (in the 80s) I was confessing to the Priest feeling like a horrible person. He leaned around the screen (which was a shock to me) and said, “You need to lighten up. You are not a bad kid. I’m not even going to make you do penance. You are free to go.” I was so shocked! I took his words to heart and now in my 50s still remind myself of that. Society at large (and of course parents) needs to reinforce to young people they are ok. It’s ok to make mistakes. To try and fail. Failure is learning in action. Failure is feedback. I wish I could give all Gen Z’s a big hug. Instead I volunteer at my Alma Mater to give talks to classes and Jen asked to do so and speak on resilience. As a mom of 3 adult sons I’m an expert. I bet you are too! Let’s be the village to support and encourage the younger generations-not mock them.

Many forget that hormones are all messed up, too. I’m a nurse and so many young men have low testosterone. Low testosterone is associated with anxiety, fatigue, and low self esteem.

My daughter was born pre-mature during COVID, my wife's C Section was very dramatic and we soon found out our families truly had no interest in helping with anything. I had a really hard time for a while and all the time family, friends, and Doctors were encouraging me to get on SSRIs and to get assessed for Anxiety meds. They convinced me to see a therapist and all he did was mirror back my every thought and tell me my only path was medication and lifelong therapy. I was convinced though that my biggest problem was a lack of sleep and independence so I persevered. Now my daughter is 3, healthy, and sleeps through the night. I have free time and have found myself again and in new form. I feel great, I am not depressed, and I do not struggle with anxiety. If I had listened I would probably be locked in for life.

I’m a therapist and one of the first things I always recommend is exercise, eating healthier and getting OUT of your head and into the world. Any good therapist should know this stuff.

I used to have severe depression. Then I turned 28 years old and realized I had wasted over 10 years of my life dwelling on problems and negative things. I had been to therapists, AA meetings, and been on multiple prescriptions. No doctor ever asked me how much sleep I got or gave me any real actionable advice. They just let me talk. And talk. And talk. And my sadness never got better. Then one day I read a famous old saying, “A young man went to an old wise man and said, “Old man, I have 2 dogs who are fighting, which one will win?” The old man said, “The one that you feed.”” This saying taught me that whatever you give your attention to is what you will become. I do not believe therapy or prescription drugs were ever truly helpful for me. Creating goals for myself and getting involved in healthy things is what saved me.

I was widowed 3 years ago, with 2 teenage boys and 7 year old girl. It was very traumatic for all of us, brain aneurysm at home in the middle of conversation. I had therapists want to put my 15 year old son on ssri after having talked to him for a total of 5 minutes. Wrong. This really bad crazy thing happened and you witnessed it. You need to process this event and move forward not block it out with chemicals. So that’s what we did. He felt all things as they came and we talked about it together, still do. One of my kids tried to pull the “I’m special because this happened.” Wrong. You are not special. Bad shit happens every day, it sucks. But that’s not permission to be a drain on the world around you. You can’t control what happened, but you can control your response to it. We aren’t moving on, we’re moving forward. Me specifically knowing I’ve already had the worst day of my life, I can handle whatever comes. And so can they.

I remember when I got back from the psych ward after an unalive attempt when I was younger. I had undiagnosed bipolar depression and was just starting treatment. My family asked me what they could do to help me, and I told them straight up, act like nothing is wrong. Don't treat me like I'm sick. Please, just treat me like everything is normal. If things around me feel normal, I feel better. If I'm having depressive thoughts, I'll talk to the therapist who helps me through them. I'll talk to my psychiatrist about changing up meds. But from my family, from my environment, I want stability and positivity. If everyone around me is constantly asking me if everything is okay and do I feel good today? I'm going to be thinking about why everything is _not_ okay all the time. Treating me like I'm depressed made me more depressed. I needed support and love, but not coddling. A hug and a "You'll be okay" goes a long way.

As a Pastor, this is absolutely true, I have personally seen someone who was a complete shut in, massive anxiety, panic attacks overmedicated. Step away from that, start going outside bit by bit, expanding their world bit by bit, getting exercise. Spending time in prayer, running errands etc. To now being able to walk to their local church daily and interacting with people. They are now going to go back to school and are getting their life right! Praise God! Medication and therapy typically make things worse, sometimes its needed, but ultimately, ruminating on the problem makes it bigger. Most people just need goals to work towards, daily physical exercise and IRL social time. A lot of these kids today spend all day indoors thinking. Its not good for them.

I finally went to a therapist for a few months to address anxiety that I’ve had for 20-25 years (since childhood) and she helped me train my mind rather than give me meds. I think I saw her for 6 months and she was happy that I didn’t need her anymore. It was hard work but I never had that toolkit before. I think these kids need a toolkit rather than coddling .

She just single handedly expressed what I’ve been saying for years “regularly concentrating on your bad feelings will make you feel bad” simple as that

Sucking it up doesn't always work, if it works for some, I'm happy it does. I worked in trauma/ER and witnessed many things, unfortunately, one day while caring for my father at home he had a heart attack, and I did everything I could to save him, but he passed away in my arms before the paramedics arrived. The experience left me very confused, it was difficult to lean on my family because they were also hurting, sucking it up like I normally did, didnt work because of the love and appreciation I had for my father. I went to therapy and my life was given back to me. My therapist initially asked, "what brings you here"? To my replay, " it's difficult to give myself advice", a few takeaways from therapy. Everyone has a different threshold for pain/psychological challenges, leaning on family sometimes isnt an option, being able to speak to a neutral person who has the ability to unwed your thoughts, emotions for the sake of feeling better is self caring. Listen to what you need, I wish you all peace❤.

“I went to therapy once and all she tried to do was make me hate my Dad” -Shane Gillis

Gen Z here, my husband passed away when I was 8 months pregnant. Obviously, it was awful and devastating but something curious also happened. My anxiety, I'd been plagued with since I was 9yo vanished. A social worker came to talk with me in the hospital and said, "This is going to be a trauma for you..." and I cut her off "ma'am I dont think this is a trauma, its simply just a tradegy" We are so insulated from death, in modern society, and while it's a horrible experience to endure loss, it does ground you. None of the little things bother you after enduring something so earthshattering.

I was struggling as a preteen to ride in vehicles after getting into a car accident with a friend's drunk parent at the wheel. I lived in a rural area where walking wouldn't cut it and I needed to be able to be comfortable in a vehicle again. After a few weeks of my parents having to slow way down because I would become too frightened and would begin to basically freak out and start climbing the seats, they decided we had to deal with the problem. They presented the idea of facing my fear and having me ride in the back while they drove extra fast around corners to see that I could survive the fear and anxiety. It only took one time of doing this to lessen my anxiety and all these years later, driving is one of my favorite places to be. I think it can sometimes be helpful to face that which brings the most anxiety, head on. I know this won't work in every situation but it could be a great lesson for some.

She is undoubtedly one of the smartest, most common sense people I have ever heard explain depression & anxiety! This is terrific! Everyone should listen to this! Great job again Joe Rogan!

My grandmother used to always say “Stop complaining and do something about it”. She was bipolar and raised 6 kids and was hospitalized a few times. She struggled with mental illness but also knew you had to live your life and not wallow in the pain! I also have mood/panic disorder and I lived a full life, career, marriage, children. I had a few episodes where I had to stop and get help, but came back from the setback and kept going!

Read the _Tao Te Ching._ "Regarding muddy water: the more you try to stir the dirt out of it, the murkier it gets... leave it alone, and the dirt will settle out by itself."

This is a great clip. Feeling those things when they're not debilitating to your overall quality of life and don't pose a threat to your life (depressive unaliving thoughts, etc), are mega beneficial. Listening to this made me think back to all those moments of triumph which give me confidence today, and those memories of the journeys I went through to overcome some tough shit gives me good vibes.

I found this video fascinating. I’m a military retiree who fights the idea that I have PTSD and my therapist insists on getting me to accept it. She’s willing to label it something else, but is set on me accepting my issues the military ‘gave me’. She tells me I have ‘trauma’ from car accidents and the lack of medical treatment I got at the ER on base. She doesn’t seem to try to encourage resilience but assigning labels and reasons. This video opened my eyes to stuff I was already feeling in ‘therapy’. I was stationed at CENTCOM during a rough time and might have ‘issues’ with how we were treated, what we did or what we saw, but she is trying to get me to assign blame and almost use those things as excuses. A few of my fellow vets are in prison, one is on death row currently and the excuse is always PTSD. There’s such a bad connotation with that now that I’m ashamed to say I might have it. Medical professionals told me for years my chronic pain from breaking my back had to give me depression. Anyone with as much physical injury and pain MUST be depressed. If I believed them, I would be the most depressed pos. People don’t teach resilience and sadly, or in my case,luckily, it’s in us or iit’s not.

I went on meds for depression and anxiety and my parents would tell me they’ve also experienced very similar symptoms sometime in life but they had to push through and had responsibilities so they just did what was needed to be done. However they did help me out and never questioned my symptoms. But they also did tell me to get out of the house more and not sit alone in my room because that would force me to think and think and getting anxious. I used to get angry at them thinking they don’t understand but now after years of being off the meds, I realise how good my parents’ advice was.

I’m a child therapist with an LPC but my undergraduate degree is in psychology and A big part of what I do is parent training rather than talk therapy. Parents absolutely transfer huge amounts of anxiety, over protect, and they live their life through a screen.

This is one of the best interviews for a long time. So much clarity to what they are saying. This should be played in all schools.

As a parent who routinely says suck it up and get over it to my kids. Know this, it is essential to look your kids in the eye and tell them no or that they didn't do well enough.

Ive suffered with anxiety and depression most of my life. The best tip i can give is to find something you enjoy and are passionate about. For me it was hunting, fishing, and just being outdoors. Exercise is important to.

Millennial here. Been through the bottom of mental illness. I’m over it now and living an amazing life. #1 thing that helps me is waking up and getting tf out of bed early in the morning. Around 7am. Life changing for me.

In all my years watching this platform this woman has said what i already know in my mind bad things make you see life real life how evil people can be how beautiful people can be and how tuff the human spirit can be and endure im a 70s child so im tuff as nails and always watch over my family even when my family doesn't know i am.

I've suffered depression on and off since I was a teenager. I spent the majority of my early 20s with untreated depression and it led to me neglecting my health and even just general hygiene. to the point that I wouldn't even brush my hair for days on end and I gained a ton of weight. It wasn't until I got on an antidepressant that I was able to have the energy to pull myself out of that funk and make positive changes in my life like going to the gym and focusing on taking better care of myself

I have a son with autism and a younger daughter. My daughter told me she had ADHD when she was 14. Self diagnosed lol. I knew she was fine. Just human. We had already gone through the steps of diagnosing my son with ADHD years before this, which took years. Literally. I entertained my daughter with a trip to a therapist thinking the therapist would tell her she was fine. I sat in a waiting room for 45 minutes and the therapist came to me and said she definitely had ADHD and they would hook her up with drugs right away (without talking to anyone but my daughter). Mind you, my son had MOUNTAINS of questionnaires that had to be filled out by any adult that had contact with him to be diagnosed with this just 6 years earlier. That's when I realized NO therapist is going to tell you that you're ok. That destroys their customer base. This is why every part of being human is now a "condition". They have made an industry out of feelings.

As a nineties kid, we went to school full time and had jobs at 13-14 years old so we could get a car, save money for the future or help our parents out. But we were outside more in nature, had real human connections and contacts and more importantly we didn’t have social media. Social media, in my humble opinion, is a major factor for these issues.

Wow she made some really great points I’ve never thought about. I loved this interview.

Love this video. Yeah my experience exactly. Once I stopped ruminating over my problems, and lived with more mindfulness, my anxiety went away

Nervousness has been replaced with anxiety, sadness with depression, bad memories with PTSD, concentration with hyper focus, quirky with autistic, particularity with OCD. Basically what has happened is all aspects with everyone's personalities suddenly evolved into mental health buzzwords pushed along by tiktok and aided by better help. I can have a change in mood or a reaction to something without needing to psycho analyze myself and that's something everybody needs to relearn.

Social media has destroyed an entire generation

I'm a girl , i have two sisters. And my mom raised us telling us to suck it up. Told is that life will beat us way harder then the pain we feel now. It was great. I see how we grew up so much more resilient then people around us.

Underrated tip: doing errands is great for your mental health. I love errands on a Saturday.

I was 10 years old when I lived through the Cuban Missile Crisis in 1962. For a kid of that era it was a relatively brief period of great traumatic stress that had a beginning, middle and an end in an otherwise "free range" childhood. As a retired therapist when I try to understand Gen-Z - I can't help but contrast their childhood to mine. This generation grew up with the "chronic traumatic stress" of a sort of "non-stop Cuban Missile Crisis" - with the supposed "adults in the room" constantly scaring the hell of them. For two+ decades the mantra has been - "there could be another terrorist attack at any time anywhere," "Orange Alert," "Red Alert," "if you see something - say something," "climate change is going to kill us all," "we only have five more years to save the planet or we're doomed," "covid will kill us all - or if not, the next pandemic will," and endless variations on the theme of imminent apocalypse. In other words this generation has grown up contending with a sort of chronic unresolvable fear response - in reaction to things "they are powerless to control" - all because of endless bat-shit crazy government propaganda operations aimed at controlling the minds of we adults. Perhaps these kids mental health has ended up as another form of - "collateral damage" - as the psychopaths in charge like to refer to it. We are watching these same kids now retreat into the fantasy world of "gender- ideology," and 'trigger warnings," and "canceling speakers they disagree with," and claiming that - "words can be violence." Maybe there is more to be unpacked in understanding "why" they can interpret "language" to be "violence." Maybe telling kids for two straight decades that the planet's going to be uninhabitable next year - "IS IN FACT "WORDS" - AS VIOLENCE." Just a thought.

The way people say they have PTSD so casually and commonly is insulting to people who truly suffer from real PTSD.

We are a shake it off…rub dirt in it…problem solve it household. I also try to be aware and there for him when his anxiety is high. It’s really tough to find a balance sometimes. 😞

I’m sharing this video with my 22 year old daughter because she definitely needs to hear this 😊

The best two things my therapist would say to me: 1. "My job is to give you the tools so you don't need me. We're trying to work me out of a job." 2. At the end of a session where she felt I was fine, she'd say, "Let's not book anything until you think you really need me." Sometimes that was weeks or months or years. Therapy is great when you need it. But you should be building a skillset with the therapist's support that eventually makes them irrelevant.

Gabor Mate mentioned in a video, that a study showed that during wartime depression goes away. There is a sense of purpose, helping others and survival that overtakes ruminating. This has stuck with me.

I wish I had heard this from someone years ago when I needed to hear it the most. Though honestly I still need to hear it now.

And I remember feeling good yesterday too! I moving out and throwing out garbage and cleaning and got so much done and feeling accomplished

I was managing a designer clothing department at Nordstrom two years ago which had a lot of Gen Z employees. This particular department was special because it was an invite only department because of the specialized knowledge you needed to sell the clothing, and the potential for way higher commission earnings. One day, my only employee scheduled for the day (23 year old gen z guy) said he didn’t wanna be there and he needed a mental health day. I asked him, “what would you do if you go home right now?” And he said he would lay down and watch a movie. I told him that there is NO difference in being at work vs watching a movie, so he might as well stay at work and get paid and also that he was my only employee that day and we needed him. He reluctantly stayed. By the end of the day he came up to me and said he had his best sales day of his career (he sold over $9k in clothes which is about a $900 commission for one day of work) and he was so happy. I looked at him and said, “yeah bro, imagine if I let you go home and waste your whole day feeling bad about nothing.” And he just laughed and said yeah. Anyways, the point of this story is stuff like this happened EVERY WEEK, and I managed almost 30 people!! Gen Z was super hard to deal with (and I’m technically a Zillenial, born late 1995 so not quite a millennial and not quite Gen Z).

I am a Kindergarten teacher (26 years) and I can vouch for the extreme change in children over the last 10 years. Joe’s guest is spot on in regards to all the “focusing on your emotions”… the programs focused on making sure children felt they were in a “safe space and to express feelings.” Feelings which my little friends did not even understand- horrible program. “Safe space” insinuates there is danger around you - focusing on creating fake negative feelings caused massive issues which did not even exist, prior to this “program.”

Anxiety on Christmas morning, that’s nervousness! Anxiety shuts your brain down. I think we need to be clear with our language.

Best thing I've heard in a long time.......👏👏👏

First and last time I went to therapy, it was a group therapy for adults struggling with ADHD. I went in thinking it was going to be about learning and came out realizing it was for people to talk about themselves and the therapist to offer condolences, exactly as stated in this interview. And now I realize I wouldn't have overcome so many challenges if I was offered an excuse earlier in life to get out of hard work.

I’m 34 now but I’ve had issues like this since I was younger. I spent much of my 20s intoxicated, but I weaned myself off and have been doing so much better.

Therapist here. Good therapists want clients to feel better, but they want them to utilize their own coping skills and support networks rather than build emotional dependence on a therapist. I regularly ask kids in my office questions like “how will we know when treatment is successful?” If the answer is “when my anxiety and depression goes down to zero” then we have a whole other topic to discuss on the wisdom of emotions- excitement and sadness included- and building resilience in the face of stressors.

Great video and could listen to Abigail for hours as she talks sense. I do feel part of Ben Z's anxiety problem has been caused by over parenting and not letting your child fail. Failure is part of growth and builds up resilience and a parent can then support them in this. This is how we get better and learn and I feel very sorry for those who do not want to try anything due to the fear of failing.

Thanks for sharing this. This is crucial that we continue to spread this out there.

I am a millennial. I grew up poor, my parents had a horrible abusive marriage. My dad remarried a crackhead that mentally abused me. My mom struggled with alcohol. I struggled with alcohol & drugs my teenage years. I always felt there was a light at the end of the tunnel. I moved out of state and made some positive changes. Then, my mom was killed by a drunk driver when I was 23. My grandparents who helped raise me died of broken hearts not long after that. Life is hard. We rarely get through life without struggles and hardships. There have been some really dark moments in my life but I don’t let these moments define me. I don’t live my life looking through the lens of all the “trauma” I faced. I am almost 33 years old, I am in a healthy happy marriage. I do not struggle with a single “mental health issue”. I feel grateful for my life everyday. I am happy

I'm glad someone is speaking about this issue. Anxiety is a baseline emotion. The four base emotions are happy, sad, afraid, and angry. Anxiety is a nuanced version of afraid. Depression is a nuanced version of sad. An anxiety or depressive disorder is when it is pervasive without a logical trigger. Most of the time people are depressed and anxious for a reason. The over-use of these terms as disorders drives me wild. You're supposed to feel depressed after abandonment. You're supposed to feel anxious towards the unknown. Those aren't examples of disordered thinking.

Excellent conversation. I’m interested in reading her book.

I’m 36. I worked hard and now I’m in management and oversee a team mixed with younger and older folks. I make decent money, I pay my taxes and I’m not struggling with housing or food. I live in one of Americas largest and most expensive cities. I have no college degree. Sitting and complaining about not working hard is exactly the point. I believe you can have leverage if you’re smart enough to look around at the sea of people who are often too lazy to stand up and do the work otherwise. I can’t tell you what to do, but I can say that those who subconsciously and consistently find and hyper-focus on issues with the world aren’t motivated to be successful. I’ll add that the world will never “get better” for you, or for anyone else, if you sit around moping about it. I’m also someone who struggles with anxiety (pre-current job) and while it’s a struggle, it’s something I choose to handle because that’s just the cards I was given in life. Literally everyone has struggles and while empathy is great when rock bottom hits or a real problem emerges, you aren’t special in your stressors of day to day life. Do the work, stay proud of the work, focus on growth and you’ll make something of it. Beats the hell out of sitting around and feeling miserable!

It’s pretty amazing how many ppl in therapy feel the need to diagnose everyone around them.

I went to a therapist from late 2020 - late 2022.Probably round 20 sessions.I had become increasingly depressed and hopeless in life and was having constant suicidal thoughts.She really helped me as she gave me some strategies and plans for dealing with my depression and anxiety and helped my structure my life better.It's the best decision I ever made but most of what she told me was basic common sense and good old fashioned advice, not some wonder cure.I think that is generally what good therapy can be just helping the person help themselves to live a better life.

Therapy is the best thing I’ve ever done. It has saved my life and I’ve grown tremendously because of therapy. I have Bipolar II disorder and I will probably be therapy in most, if not all, of my life. I have a good job, eat SUPER healthy, go to the gym five days a week, and run errands. Guess what? I still struggle with depression from Bipolar disorder, current and past trauma, or debilitating anxiety. If you have a good therapist, they will challenge you and make you think in ways you’ve never thought before. Our brains ruminate naturally. Exploring that in therapy and having them intervene helps stop rumination. They are actually trained to help with rumination. Therapy does the complete opposite of encouraging rumination. I kept ruminating on an event and even kept having nightmares. After two sessions, the rumination and nightmares came to a stop. They will give you psychoeducation on trauma, relationships, and mental illness. I am 28, and I am around people my age who don’t know what a healthy relationship is or won’t acknowledge they are repeating their childhood trauma because they are blind to it. I was, too, until therapy. Most people grow up in dysfunctional families and wouldn’t know a healthy relationship or healthy communication if it hit them in the face. I am very self-educated in psychology through years of my reading and therapy. It’s wild this author is just here talking to talk without knowing anything about therapy, how it works, trauma, or psychology. She’s just spewing nonsense. I can name tons of books from Ph. D.s and psychologists with master's degrees that I’ve read. There’s a reason therapists need master's degrees and Ph. D.s. It isn’t all just common sense or something some people can push through, at least not healthily. They have fMRIs that essentially prove that therapy changes the brain. It rewires our neural pathways. Listen to Huberman, a neuroscientist who is educated on the subject. The people who don’t go are the ones who need it the most, I’ve noticed. The people in my life who won’t go to therapy have the most toxic behaviors, maladaptive coping skills, and don’t know what it takes to have a healthy relationship. This low-key set me off as it’s spewing nonsense and putting stigma back out there for therapy and is false information. She also acts like it’s the therapist's job to tell someone what to do, which is ethically wrong for therapists to practice for a good reason. No one can tell you what’s best for you. They ask you questions and guide you to come to your own conclusions and what’s best for you. If you want to read about resilience, read Supernormal. Yes, trauma is a part of life. It’s why therapists and the field of psychology exist to begin with, to help ease our suffering and cultivate better and healthier coping skills and relationships. Another good book, Body Keeps the Score, literally has brain scans that prove our brains can't just “get over” trauma to counteract that point made of just getting over it. When she gives that example of returning to school and calling it a bad memory, it isn’t that, it is a flashback look at an fMRI. The brain will show what it did as if the trauma were actively happening. We learn these things so we can better help ourselves and treat others. Just because we can say “get over it”, doesn’t mean we should. Just because we have our hands doesn’t mean we don’t use tools. Same goes for therapy, just because we have our brain doesn’t mean we can’t use tools to help ourselves make our lives better and easier. Just because we all have hands doesn’t mean some don’t get arthritis. Same with our brains. Just because we all have tramua doesn’t mean some don’t get mental illness as a result. The point is, just because we all have tramua doesn’t mean some don’t need treatment. It’s why we invent things like tools. As we keep learning about psychology and our brains the more we are learning the way we used to do things isn’t good and there are better ways to go about it instead of just ignoring our trauma and pushing things down. This whole conversation is essentially against using a tool that lessons our suffering, and progresses and educates us.

Throughout my life, I've seen about 4 therapists. I think it's important to understand that with therapy, the first therapist you come across might not be a good fit for you. A good indication for me was that everything they were telling me made me feel like I already knew, like I could guess where they were going to take things because the questions were extremely basic and almost "boring" in a sense. There was "no breakthrough". Usually by the second visit, I knew if it was gonna work or not. One therapist wouldn't listen at all and just asked a bunch of text-book questions and would just write and write, but she was young and "new" to it I guess, idk. Another therapist, tried hypnotizing me by the second visit, and I was like, "NOPE!". It took me 4 therapists and at 28 years old, I found that a child therapist was the answer and gave me an enormous amount of help. I don't know if the fact that my trauma stemmed from childhood made the difference cause her approach was like nothing I ever experienced. We meditated, listened to music, drew maps and formulated timelines of events, journaling was also a thing and so on...and it was incredible. It saved my life. I went for 8 sessions and that was the last time I went to therapy. Also, it's important to understand that even though therapy and psychiatry go hand in hand and they work together, you don't need a psychiatrist to get well. One thing I realized is that therapy was one thing and psychiatry was another. I had to learn that on my own because that was never explained to me. It was always, you go to therapy, then you visit with the psychiatrist and then if therapy was "over" you'd then comtinue on with the psychiatrist. More than that, if you started on a certain dosage, they would start increasing it little by little because it's a chemical that your body gets "used" to, so they say and they have to continue raising the dosage. So I learned to understand that as well and because I saw what medication did to my mom, I vowed never to use it. So I did my therapy with no medication and I always voiced that to my therapists. Some would say, "well, we'll try and see..." meaning they would try to convince me of it later again and so I wouldn't go back. And that child therapist I saw simply said to me, "okay, I respect that. And we can certaintly do that." I was suffering from conversion disorder and agorophobia at the time and I never needed medicine. My conversion disorder ceased. I've never had another episode and I just turned 41. I sometimes still feel a little agorophobic in certain places, but very seldom. A low stress lifestyle, working remotely, good diet, positive social media (podcasts on spirituality like Buddhism, Ekart Tolle, BK Shivani, Affirmation Guided Meditations, how to financially stabilize myself, etc) have changed my life. So I'm an advocate for therapy 100% but you gotta understand that you have the ability to say no to the things that are not serving you. And you most certaintly got to want to get better. Of course, every situation is unique and the way I went about things is not a cure-all for everybody, some people do really need medication, but the point is that just because you go to therapy doesn't mean, they control all aspects. You have to ask questions too, and voice your concerns about your health as well. You have to make it into a conversation, and formulate an understanding of what it is you're looking to accomplish and understand the process of what it'a going to take for you and your therapist to accomplish it together.

When a toddler falls down and no one sees they don’t have any reaction. When everyone is looking and starts comforting the toddler they immediately loose it.

I’m 42 with a 22 yr old son and I finally have gotten him to realize that this terrible situation will be a distant memory in a short time. Every day is new and if you move forward every day you will learn to live with your issues.

I’m Gen Z. 24 now, it’s true. Started having severe panic attacks at 21. I still have them but I don’t allow myself to freak out / think im dying. It’s just something I gotta get through and I’ll be fine in 30-60 minutes

I saw Jimmy's concert Jax FL 1968. Awesome!!!

Therapy isn't always about reminiscing on negative thoughts and working through old trauma. Therapy for me has been a way to learn ways to break the cycle of those constant negative thoughts and emotions, and to have tools to navigate through life's challenges. I've had therapists tell me they weren't there just to be someone to vent to and those were the best therapists I have worked with.

In the past year I lost one of my oldest and best friends to brain cancer at the age of 30. Two weeks after that my little brother died from a heart disorder and a month after that the new kitten my wife and I had that was 11 months old was diagnosed with FIP and died within a week, i also celebrated 3 years clean from heroin. This happened while I made the choice to go back to school at the age of 30 after dropping out when I was 16. All of this has made me feel more resilient and proud of myself than I ever have and I hope the younger generation learns the value of suffering and hardship and surviving it all. The quote that reminds me to push forward the most is by Marcus Aurelius who said " life puts no burden on a man that he is not fit by nature to bare."

Best motivation I got when I broke both femurs, both arm and pelvis, in a car accident and got depressed because I found out the metals in my femurs were permanent “did you want them to chew a gum and stick your bones together? Don’t ever miss physical therapy again”

I had horrific postpartum depression (several factors were involved) and antidepressants were the first suggestion my obgyn went with. I didn’t take them because I wanted to actually work on the factors I knew were contributing to it. Things were awful and my relationship with my husband struggled a LOT. But it forced us to figure out what needed to change and how to make things work. I don’t regret not taking them (and our baby is healthy and happy)!

Social Worker here. Something that gets forgotten is that distress isn’t the only measurement upon which therapy/counseling should be decided. Diagnoses are determined not just by symptoms but the impact of those symptoms on a person’s functioning. Bad memories and bad feelings are just that. Anxiety when passing your old middle school is not fun, but so what? Now if any of those bad memories or reactions significantly adversely affect your behavior or quality of life - for instance driving a mile out of your way on your daily commute to avoid passing your old school, or frequent nightmares, or panic attacks, or becoming physically violent with your spouse or child - then seeking professional help is something worth considering.

I’m a older gen z. I believe that the biggest problem my generation has is not being able to do what you want. I think the most of us want a family but don’t have a good example of a close relationship. And feeling afraid of doing wrong or not feeling worthy. Therapy doesn’t always have an effect. You can’t therapy away every stimulus. Life becomes easier if you learn to prioritise and move on. PS I had a wonderful childhood and parent (happily married)am grateful for everything I have. I do well economically and socially but an acknowledge that this is fairly rare nowadays. I just wish that we could do better by the kids- the future of our world.

I understand. I like the phrase "moving forward with Dad". We talk about my kids' late father openly. Pictures around the house, his hat still on his hook in the hallway. His story lives on...

As a therapist (LPC), there’s a lot I disagree with in practice. It’s so hard to find a good therapist that’s also affordable. But there are some out there really trying to make changes. Like all systems, it’s multifaceted and terrible and so many people fall between the cracks and there’s also a lot of people getting help they need. I love Abigail and the light she is shedding on these extremely important topics on mental health 🙌🏼

I’ve worked in law enforcement for years… seen some pretty wild stuff… and it blows my mind hearing kids talk about “PTSD” as if it’s the common cold…

I was depressed for years, convinced my anxiety was a feature of my character rather than a struggle I could overcome. I'm not completely free of it, but compared to how I was for the majority of my life it's like night and day. The key? Exposure, for one, I thought I had to limit my exposure to social situations because it caused me stress, but stress was what I needed, like a muscle that was weak from little use, it hurt to strengthen it, but if I avoided the pain it would last forever. I had to suffer greater pain now for less later. Lot of people just accept they're broken now and don't try to fix themselves. The only shame in weakness is the acquiescence to it.

Oof this podcast will ruffle feathers😂. I’m on the cusp of gen z and millennial. I’m 28 and consider myself more millennial in terms of attitude (I used to play in the grass and didn’t have access to a computer until I was 9). I’ve gone through genuine trauma which I won’t get into and I totally agree that therapy didn’t do much for me. I went through 12 therapists one or two of which was truly helpful and gave me some tools, but what helped the majority of my issues were solved with psychedelic therapy (or indigenous medicines if you will it’s really the same thing). These experiences taught me exactly how to move on from my trauma and all of it started with me. I’ve been slowly implementing these tools. Life isn’t always peachy but it’s massively improved in comparison to 2-5 years ago. I’m sharing this because one thing I do n’t agree with is the suck it up attitude. Joe pointed out and rightfully so, that he can’t do that with his girls and he shouldn’t. The only time a “suck it up” attitude worked for me was in physical recovery but in trauma recovery what helped was compassion, acceptance and release. Yes sometimes it’s necessary to put your feelings aside, but teaching a kid to “suck it up” will teach them to repress which is terrible for your mental and physical health..

I was a severely depressed and anxious teenager due to a horribly toxic abusive home life. I went to talk therapy numerous times throughout these years and EACH TIME, with EACH NEW THERAPIST, I became more depressed and anxious because all we would talk about throughout the therapy session was my issues, my home life, the past, the pain, the depression, the anxiety, why why why, how I'm feeling, etc. So my PERSONAL experience is that talk therapy makes things worse. Its also why marriage counseling is known as the kiss of death for every relationship. Sucks the life out of everyone.

High school teacher here. I've made a few observations. 1. The more internet/computer-centric a student's leisure time is, the more social problems they tend to have. (this could be a "chicken or the egg" type of scenario, but the fact remains...) 2. Students who engage in extracurricular clubs and sports tend to have less behavioral issues and tend to have better communication skills. 3. Those students with two parents who take active roles in their child's education tend to do better academically and socially.

Former teacher, I used to tell my students beware your parents love. They love you so much they will protect you from experience.

I’m a therapist and i’ve been chastised by companies for releasing clients “early” Which is absolutely absurd. I am CONSISTENTLY frowned at from others in my field when I say “3-6 months my client should be discharged” if not, im collecting a check and I fully believe that. I am leaving corporate Clinical Mental Health after I am licensed. And I am committed to combating this generations feeble mindstates, because many therapists refuse to do it because yes, it lines their pockets. You will experience anxiety when a familiar situation arises. It IS a part of life, and it is ADAPTIVE and it’s so important to lean into simply understanding. Resiliency is what therapists don’t often build and that’s one of the biggest problems.

I'm so glad to hear this being talked about! I say this all the time. Talk therapy for just general low feelings is not helpful and they always seem to just put you on drugs. And they are doing it to kids now!! Everyone is so obsessed with never feeling anything negative. It's such an unrealistic view of how life is. At the end of the day, these therapists just want your money. They don't care if they help you.

I tell my son to suck it up all the time. He used to hate me for it (in the moment), but now that he’s 13, and can see how he can handle so much more adversity than most of his peers, he is thankful for it - and he appreciates me for teaching him to be tough.

In my opinion it’s social media. Before when you failed few people heard about it. Now when you fail it’s online for everyone to see. So they are settling rather than taking chances

This lady is very wise. My husband is being forced into another job or career by his current boss who is, understated, one of the worst people to have employees working under him. Bad situations forces you to be strong, unfortunately sometimes they break people who are not strong or just doesn't have it in them to fight or overcome. I find that so sad because I've been there but I've been able to overcome abuse and survive and it makes me feel like I can climb mountains. Everyone should be able to do it and to feel this way! I was born in 1985 by the way, the sink or swim generation! We have loads of emotional baggage from our parents but we are mostly brave & strong (to generalize which I should not do but we were taught to get up and keep going).

This is such a powerful and important message! 👏

I've been to therapy twice. Weekly for a year at 27. Twice-a-month for 6 months at 44. Huge impact on my life. It gave me tools to talk to myself and to other people.

This is an amazing clip. Brought some good points about anxiety and depression thatI have not thought of before.

I really like how she talked about depression and reminiscing in negative thoughts.. Today, we have more names for negative feelings/situation. We can call it out, but there is no end step, just the statement of the trauma, and it labels us. But, we forget that humans have been going through (most) these things since the start of the social human timeline. I think it’s the connection to knowledge and the lack of socialization that made humans emotionally weaker, we cannot be resilient when we are in our thoughts and our screens. It doesn’t help that the self care industry isn’t here to help, but make money.

I learned a lot from my therapist 15 years ago, but I stopped because I ended up experiencing panic attacks for the first time in my life. I realized that I do not need to relive my bad experiences or talk about them with anyone. I never felt the need. I’m good!

Millennial here…started trauma therapy last year & my life is greatly improving. Two things can be true at once, perhaps multiple things can be true when a situation is multi faceted…parenting out of fear holds a child’s development back, neglecting children causes so much psychological trauma…doing the best you can to love & equip them as best possible for their lives is the goal.

I am reminded of a great book published in 2002, by Dr. Dan Baker “What Happy People Know.” The book discusses the predominant clinical psychology practice, where the therapist and client keep discussing what makes the client feel bad, endlessly. Dr. Baker’s approach was to dwell on what makes you happy and get anchored to that exercise/practice that gets/keeps you there. Sadly, I never thought his approach would catch on, because therapists only get paid when they have a client on their couch, and the incentive for client success is balanced with the psychologist needing to make a living; justifying an endless number of sessions. Sounds cynical, but Abigail confirms.

I needed this. Thank you.

What they don’t understand is people with anxiety like me who struggle every day to get up and actually wanna do something with our lives…. Every day, I fear that I won’t live up to expectations of people around me. I am a big people pleaser to my lack of an emotional relationship with my parents, and being told by them that I would never get into the college of my dreams. Which I didn’t and kept having to go to different colleges, and switching majors until I decided on what I’ve always wanted to do since I was little. But now because of my bad track record with school, and my GPAs, I’m not able to get into the program that I wanted to, even though I was doing so much better grade wise because I was finally doing what I’ve always wanted to do. But now married at 24, I feel like even if I do get my degree/license, I still won’t make enough money to support my husband and our future kids….While also trying to work to be able to pay some of our bills, and run a cat rescue on the side…

I’ve felt this way about mental health for a long time. Coming from a sister who has been in therapy for most her life, on countless meds, ruminates over hard times in her very privileged upper middle class life. I’m not saying she didn’t have hard times, but I do think that years of wallowing and therapists constantly validating her and not challenging her to be brave has really stunted her growth as a person. It’s heartbreaking

"the incentive is for the therapist to treat the least sick, for the longest period of time" - SCARY

One of my favorite quotes is from a Navy SEAL who said, "toughness is putting yourself in an uncomfortable situation until it is no longer uncomfortable. "

This is so true. Even though this is a very real and sad thing in my generation where this happens, social media has single handily eliminated competition. It’s so easy to progress in my generation, there’s no one in the way. I literally got out of college, took a job scrubbing cars for 24k a year and within 3 years I took a big boy job making a couple hundred grand. I’m not here to gloat, money doesn’t make you happy, my family is my happiness and my self worth, but like this guest is talking about, everyone in my generation has so many problems and they are so focused on themselves, or so many anxiety issues or depression, there’s no one to take these jobs, job opportunities are just open, they’re just there. As long as you have experience or qualifications, getting a big boy job paying great money is like shooting fish in a barrel.