The rates of sex and marriage -- especially among young adults -- have fallen to historically unprecedented lows and show no signs of stopping. Why is this happening? My theory is that most people don't really want relationships. Rather: they want what relationships can get them. And if they can get those things more easily, more cheaply, and more safely in other places than relationships, they will do so. In this episode, I make a case that this is precisely what men and women are doing, albeit in different ways. Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: ukposts.info/have/v-deo/j6KJdrCIaX51poU.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: ukposts.info/the/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Sponsor an episode: oriontarabanpsyd.com/sponsor-an-episode Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #relationship #psychology #dating

You summed-up in 9 minutes what all the talk shows, relationship channels and the government can’t figure out. There’s nothing of value for either party in relationships anymore. We are truly a broken society.

Most people also don't really want friendships anymore. They want someone to entertain them when they have time.

Once upon a time I dreamt of love, companionship, just really sharing a deep connection with that special someone...I totally gave up because of stupid mind games, hookup culture and insincerity....being single is so much more peaceful

Not just relationships but generally, I often find myself thinking “there’s nothing for me, here.”

Absolutely spot on. I'd also add that instead of wanting a relationship, too many people nowadays just want their own personal validation provider.. They want all of the perks of having partner without any of the sacrifice, compromise, self-improvement, and understanding the other person's needs. Not enough people truly know how to GIVE anymore, it's all "me, me, me"

I wont lie, i just love being single, its so peaceful

We crave human connection and relationships but not with toxic and abusive people

I've been in relationships throughout my 20's and into my early 40's. I looked back at how my happiest and most productive years were when I was single. The longer I stayed single, the happier I was. Now I'm 55 and my mortgage is paid off, I run my own successful business, I'm healthy and fit and life is very good. I credit that to staying single and avoiding the stress of living up to someone else's expectations of me while being in a relationship that I get absolutely nothing out of. Life is only as good as your life choices.

Relationships are hard work in most cases. It takes both parties giving it 100%, but oftentimes one party is giving more than the other-and not the same one every time. The unrelenting drama can be debilitating.

I don't watch porn and do not consider myself MGTOW or 'pilled' or whatever other trend. I am just tired of all these games people play in dating and relationships. I offer my 6Fs (fit, friendly, financially stable, faithful, fertile, family-oriented) and expect the same in return. Take it or leave it.

I have never wanted romantic partnership, I never had the desire for marriage either.

People carry a lot of unresolved traumas that makes it difficult to build healthy connections, bonds, and a sense of trust.

Wow, the first time I can hear a real explanation of how social media is a horrible trap for so many women. And for us all... Thank you !

"It would never leave him, and it would never hurt him, never shout at him, or get drunk and hit him, or say it was too busy to spend time with him. It would always be there. In an insane world, it was the sanest choice." Sarah Connor

I think this is true. Online dating is also making it easier to have quick gratification without a relationship

Wow. You made me figure out the true nature of my parents’ marriage. On the other side you nailed it when you say: “no one really wants a job. They want a job because of what a job can give them, namely money. They don’t really want the job, they want the money”. In some romance languages like French and Spanish the word to designate a job has its etymology on the latin word “tripalium”, an instrument of torture the Romans used with slaves. There’s no more to be said.

Online is over taking real life. Hence Amazon (rather than stores), Google (rather than libraries), OF (rather than divorce), work from home (rather than offices). Kids who have seen their moms struggle as single moms and/or dad getting financially destroyed in divorce/ child support/ custody, are growing up and opting out of this BS.

I just want love, man. I don't need sex or a meaningless relationship status to be happy, I never have. Even after all this time I've avoided both, because emotional closeness and genuine love is all I really need from a woman, and after all this time I still haven't found what I'm looking for. You can call it high standards, but if I honestly can remain happy throughout my life without it, as I have been so far, why settle?

I think your analysis is spot-on and very honest. As well as pointing in the right direction without misleading jargon.

Everyone's bemoaning this state of affairs as if relationships always used to be great and we're just too lazy to bother these days. I remember seeing my grandparents relationship and finding it depressing even as a small child. My parents spent a lot of time shouting at each other, even though we had some good times too, but in the end my dad left for someone else and has had a completely miserable relationship for the last 30 years. My own limited experience has been extremely lacklustre. People are doing what's rational, the same people that maintained what I'm sure were often very unhealthy relationships in the past would act precisely the same as the people rejecting relationships today given the same circumstances. People are just people. If people are rejecting relationships it's very likely because in fact most relationships suck and it's a good thing there are less of them.

You will never convince me that porn is the reason men are less willing to pursue relationships. Men have seen what women have to offer in the modern days and it is severely lacking and not worth the effort that is demanded of them.

This is a very long way to say what I determined a long time ago. Currently, men and women don’t NEED each other. They may want each other sometimes, but without need, it does not seem to work.

The fact that we've reduced our relationships, and not just our romantic, to "transaction opportunities" is, in itself, rather the problem.

I like the peace and freedom of Not having a serious relationship

Every day I wake up, I regret social media, the internet and all of the mechanisms that facilitate this paradigm.

This is a good video especially when you talk about how men are afraid of the risk. I hope women understand that if a man is hesitant in investing financially into a woman (whether it's paying for dates, dinners, marriage, etc.), it's not necessarily because he's cheap or stingy but because of the financial risk that's involved. In an alternate universe where I am offered an absolute guarantee that the love of my life will stay with me forever but this guarantee costs me more than half my net worth, I will take this offer without hesitation and without skipping a beat . But since in our reality, the risk is too high, which forces me to be more prudent with my finances, I am accused of being cheap and stingy by women. I also hope women understand that if they want men to spend money on them then they need to find ways to make a man feel secure about his finances and this could mean making the man feel like you're not a leech.

You hit the nail on the head when you talked about jobs--that is exactly what is happening right now in the workplace. People are finding alternate ways of making money. And you are right about most people not really wanting relationships--because they can get what they want in other ways. This creates a BIG problem for those of us who do want relationships and marriage, one that is not being addressed. I hear all the time about how marriage is good for you and that it is the path to success, but not one word about how to go about finding that quality person who has the character and values to make a good spouse, when said persons are in very short supply. So those of us who do believe in marriage and are looking for a partner who feels the same way are in a sense being set up for failure. If people aren't interested in relationships, you can't wave a magic wand and make them interested. And the ones who do want relationships may have to learn to do without--or change their values. Just like in the workforce--if nobody is interested in doing a particular job, it just doesn't get done and society will have to learn to do with less or do without entirely.

It's true for me. I'm 49 and I gave up on sex and relationships very early on, probably ~30 years ago. I had porn as an outlet, so never bothered putting energy into the risky business of appealing to women. This impacted on my drive to seek work, because I just needed enough to maintain myself. In ''another life'', I probably could have found a woman if I'd put in the effort. I'm average looking, but large framed and 6'4" and reasonably intelligent. I'm socially awkward in the realm of dating, but have no desire to improve myself. But my situation beats marrying a woman who needs a financial cushion and is only marginally into me.

I can do without sex. I just want to find someone who will stick around in my life this time. I just can't stand the process of meeting new girls, getting to know each other, sometimes falling in love, and then poof, they are gone again. I want someone to hug and to get the inside jokes and to be able to rely on.

You're method of breaking down the motivation behind cultural shifts that are usually so emotionally charged is uniquely valuable.

Nowadays, a "relationship" is nothing but a business partnership.

I think you're one of the only channels actually diving deep enough into this to get real & true information.

Relationships aren't really for men or women, they're for children. And since children are disproportionately burdensome on women, women have typically sought to secure a man's resources (time, attention, energy, money). So as more women have jumped on the childfree train, delayed motherhood, or prepared for the chance of single motherhood, fewer have relied on hetero relationships to secure those resources.

I think this depends on what stage you are it in your life. As a divorced man in my 50’s with 2 adult children, I value connection, partnership and intimacy more than just sex itself. I think women who are in a similar life stage probably feel the same.

Thanks! This puts everything that's happening in our modern digital culture into perspective.

Your insight is incredible! The videos are super helpful. Keep up the fantastic work.

What a sad world we live in. We (most people) usually understand these new technologies too late I'd say... myself included.

What value or benefits do men get out of relationships?? More men are waking up to female nature and walking away from the plantation.

This is a truly fascinating and eye opening take on the state of affairs with relationships!

Wow wow wow!!! Binge watching a lot of your vids and making notes. Absolutely fantastic stuff. Thanks for sharing ❤

Spot on. For me the resources I have to expend on just trying to get into a relationship are prohibitive. I have been single for three and a half years and I simply don't want the hassle anymore.

Someone that knows exactly whats going on. Breath of freshair. Very well articulated Sir!

This was my paradigm toward relationships until I got a little older and wanted to raise a family. Once that becomes your focus, the calculus changes dramatically. Once you have a mutual set of biological investments who profoundly benefit from your monogamous relationship, it becomes more win win.

Dr. Taraban it seems as the world has changed a lot and sadly we keep using the measuring stick from decades or event past centuries ago and that perspective does not apply nowadays. Thank you for all the great content you make for us all Sir!

Thanks for your efforts for providing us great educational contents❤

Holy smokes, doc - you absolutely killed it with this one. That all made perfect sense

Accepting I'll probably never get married, never have children, be alone for decades and die alone rotten in an appartment was the hardest and still is... but I had to accept it to continue my life. Cope only stays if you still have hope.

I think the ripple effects of these substitute online relationships can’t be overstated. Lots of men don’t learn how to talk to broader groups of people beyond their close associates, and lots of women lose any sense of reality with the market they eventually wind up dating in. In both cases, it just makes it harder to find a relationship when/if they decide they want one IRL.

This is pretty much how i have been living the last 6-8 years. My past relationships and observing women and how they react to me now that i am older and uglier. I've just been trying less and less. since i hit 23 its a repeat of never enough, not fit enough, not enough wealth not enough masculine tendencies, too much wealth too much muscle etc. Now that i am 30 and i am in the to 10% of income, there's still better men out me who will snatch her away from my arms. So why bother tbh? i dont mind transactional relationships, its the way humans are but the way things are now is insane. I'm now concentrating on living a good life alone, I likely wont be a family man nor will I likely ever marry. Its sad but "it is what it is", i never asked for this. I wanted to provide and care for a woman who provides so much less then me, I tolerated insane bullshit from women in the past. It was just never enough and there always was a better deal around the corner, so fuck it tbh. I give up

This is a really brilliant and easy to understand analysis of what is happening. I see 2 tendencies in humanity: - Some learn to deal with this new technology trends, integrate them into a healthy lifestyle and help other people to do the same. - Some resist everything which is not artificial until they notice that the systems needed to maintain all these artificial occurrences entirely corrupted our whole biosphere (reminds me of the music video: "Noise" from Nightwish, which is basically a warning for us).

I have to agree most people are more and more impatient nowadays and are so quick to walk away.

Great video; as always, you've displayed great skill at explaining the baffling and at the same time, hit a raw nerve. Thanks

I love this channel so much is a very rare and objective to see things. This understanding does not only come from text books is a result of a life of seeking understanding

This is so right! Congratulations for clearly stating what everyone could confusely feel was going on.

This is extremely fascinating! Always fun to take a back seat approach to learn what’s really going on 👏

Women do not want relationships, just an ATM and likes.

I'm afraid I have to beg to differ on one thing. There's no equivalence between porn for men and social media for women. Men don't prefer porn, men retreat to porn. You're not going to find many men who would choose to jerk their chicken instead of having sex and a living relationship with a woman who is attracted to them if that option were available. Onlyfans money isn't virtual, it's real money and many women would rather risk being one of many OF 'creators' who make peanuts or who end up stalked by fans than date an average guy. Women left men enmasse and men left alone, are now blamed for how they choose to soothe their loneliness as though they chose to be lonely. The loneliness came first and women can end it anytime they decide they want to date and raise families with the ordinary men they think they're too good for in a world built on the toil of ordinary men

As a 53 y/o recently divorced man after 30 years, things have changed a lot. I’m a professor of Microbiology and appreciate the analyses. Thank you for shining a light on things today

Thank you for all your hard work. We've learned a lot from you.

Fewer young MEN have sex or relationships. Women are having plenty with the same few men.

You forgot to mention the court system has reduced men to a sperm donor with a paycheck. Lol.

Such a solid explanation , you will go far dude seriously

I came across your videos a few days ago and have been impressed by your impeccable analysis and insights. This one was truly enlightening. I had never heard of, or thought of, the parallel between porn for men and social media for women. I will indeed pass this on to others - it's brilliant!

As soon a woman gets offered a commitment, she doesn't want it anymore, BUT is offended, if the man doesn't offer that said commitment.

I agree with you, but there's another part of the puzzle that I hope you can discuss another time, which is the time, energy, and money that different institutions and businesses demand from people once they start a relationship. When you think about it, society is demanding a lot from a couple that's just trying to focus on their relationship. Society demands a lot more time at work, a lot more financial resources to keep up with the cost of living, and a lot more energy is needed just to keep up with those things. Furthermore, if a couple has a child, from the moment the child is born to college graduation, it's potentially hundreds of thousands or, in some cases, millions of dollars for one child over at least two decades. That's a lot of financial pressure to put on a couple. The couple won't likely have the time to focus on their relationship if they're focused on making money and finding the energy to maintain a life. It's understandable why romantic relationships are on the decline.

This channel is pure gold. Thank you for sharing what you have been working so hard for 🙏🏽 I can’t imagine the pain you went through to have the motivation to transcend these spheres of life.

Thank you, my brother. Everyone on earth should watch this video. Blessings.

Fascinating, Orion. You have a great skill of explaining complicated topics in simple terms, and I agree with your assessment with regards to why men don’t get into relationships. I haven’t met many women that provide enough value for me to stay in a relationship with them. Having them simply show up without providing any traditional efforts whatsoever is no way to keep a man around. Gents, if you don’t have a girl putting effort in then she doesn’t like you like that. My mistake was experiencing a relationship where we both put in effort to the point that it turned into a positive feedback loop and we both ended up making each other very happy. That broke down due to religious differences, but that’s the dynamic I believe every man should aim for. Edit: by mistake I mean experiencing such a high-quality relationship will make it difficult for any woman coming after her.

This is why prostitution is illegal. Women would be out of business.

Thanks a lot for all your videos man, I've learned so much from them! All the best

Dude, great explanation. You hit the nail on the head with this.

I disagree with "men don't want to put in the work for relationship /sex because they find pron easier." GenZ men WANT relationships, but women just don't allow it because they are looking for the better deal, fall for the illusion on social media or are dating older guys. I read somewhere that females always dictate the rules of the sexual market place.

Porn is not trapping men. It's a solution to a problem because women are so difficult today. So men are being logical. Women don't want man? Man still has needs. Never met a man who chose porn over a woman. The problems start with women changing, continue with men not being able to support a household and end with hypergamy and the women choosing the top males. Leaving more than half the single males ignored. So as a man you can work 10, 20, 30 years for a woman to finally see you only because you have things or money or you can just check out because the juice isn't worth the squeeze. Your character and who you are as a person doesn't get women interested.

Fascinating indeed. Thanks for this Orion.

I'm a loner and I love being single. From what I've seen and experienced, Men and Women seem to be good at betraying and deceiving each other. I'd rather be alone then go through that.

If I ever get the urge to get married, I'll just find a woman I like and buy her a house.

Social media: what a gift.

More like this please. Best video I’ve seen on this in a while

Relationships are for those who are emotionally, mentally and spiritually prepared to enter into them, and not for those who love transactionally.

Excellent assessment. I wonder what sad event would be the catalyst to turn people back to each other. People are growing in depression and emptiness, but the matrix is far more comforting than really dealing with real life..

We are screwed man…. I am so sad to live in this time

This is a great breakdown of what's happening today.

I’ve fixed both, money and relationships are not a problem anymore.

Even if porn was illegal I still wouldn't approach women. It's not worth the rejection, ghosting, and mind games.

soooo true.. your grasp on reality and articulation is on point.

I am so glad I found this this channel. Learning so much.

I kindly disagree with the men bit. Men not only desire sexual opportunity, but also the comfort that only a woman can provide them. If you ever spend some time hearing incels complain about their problems, you'd soon realize it's not an issue of sex. They can watch porn and go to prostitutes, and some do, but still feel miserable. Moreover, most men watch porn and that still applies to men within relationships. I believe the impact porn has on men's relationship seeking efforts is taken out of proportion. Most of the reason men do not seek relationships is either because the competition and standards are too fierce or because they find women a potential liability (be it through divorce, baby trapping, resource draining, etc.)

Traditional societal values and stigmas around marriage, infidelity and divorce takes most of the risk right out of relationships. They serve as guardrails. Combined with restrictions of sex outside wedlock, and attention and resources outside marriage, it makes marriage look much more palatable.

i've been saying this for year... noticed it yrs ago when i'd go out with my lady. we would go to restaurants, and the wait staff was surprised at us NOT using our phones, TALKING to each other in a real conversation, and enjoying each other's company. the manager at one restaurant even gave us a FREE dessert because we, "were old school." young women today: put on make-up, get dressed (or undressed) to STAY at home and post pictures online for TAR (time + attention + resources) from men. women do NOT have to meet men in-person, hold conversations, be interesting, and eventually GIVE UP SEX in order to keep a man's attention. young men today: smoke weed, play video games online, and watch porn... crank off and ignore actually TRYING to get with a real woman. men do NOT have to approach, meet, hold conversations, be masculine/dominant and eventually GIVE UP RESOURCES in order to keep a woman's attention. result: dating is dead, relationships are useless, and marriage is on life support. instead, people simply meet (online), hook-up, and go about their business. in this scenario, men are winning... as very little effort is required to get sex. the value of vagina is at an all-time low thanks to feminism, 'empowerment,' and social media.

Brilliant and eloquent as usual. Thanks so much

The analogy that he’s using it’s so obvious I just love it.

as a man i don't want a relationship because it's simply not worth it in any way. keeping things casual is the best option.

I think you’re right on point. I also think that it’s worth some additional consideration that due to the high tenancy of marriages, ending up in divorce, that this also highly influences young people, and their perception about the risks and rewards of relationships. After all young peoples first perception about love Fidelity, often first are imparted by their parents. So if they’re early perception of relationships is colored by their own parents to force, then it’s less likely that they’re going to have a fair perception of all relationships.

This was a great topic. And I enjoyed reading the comments. No one bashing either gender. New subscriber 💪🏿

it really goes to show how tone and presentation makes such a difference. this is literally the same as red pill stuff, yet everyone loses their minds over redpill and praises dr Orion

This video just opened my eyes !! You perfectly summed up the entire current relationship cutler we are living in. Thank you !

You spoke so much truth, men also seek sexual satisfaction on women they are not that attracted to, ones they have no intentions on taking serious, or “dates” as an alternative rather than risk wasting time and money to often times be rejected. Women usually have male friends that provide them the boyfriend experience without receiving “benefits” where they leverage the possibility of sex for as long as they can. It’s a sad world we live in as I am well aware of these dynamics. Where both parties outweigh risk vs reward and conclude that a relationship that requires work and investment, potentially provide a long term bond and satisfaction does not come out victor. Ig convenience will always sell.

The way you described Love just made my stomach churned. I almost admitted myself to a psychiatric hospital.

This really was fascinating. Excellent video, you're a great conveyor of information, at least for my taste.