That's the thing about pain. It demands to be felt.

I am a nurse on a trauma floor. I sorely needed a reminder about empathy in reference to pain. Thank you.

I remember when I asked my dad what he hoped for for his children and he said “Just enough pain to feel empathy”

Hello! Thanks for watching the video and for all your excellent comments about it. I''d encourage you to click "newest first" in your comments sort and read through some of the experiences of people who are living with chronic pain or whose lives are shaped by pain because they have friends or loved ones living with pain. The comments will give you a much broader and more interesting glimpse into the experience of pain than anything in the video (although I do hope you enjoyed the video!), and also give all of us an opportunity to listen and believe people's experiences. DFTBA! -John

The worst part of pain for me is that it makes me feel narcissistic. Pain drives me into myself and it becomes really hard to think about anyone else's needs. This is fine for an hour but when flare ups last a week or more that amount of introspection and oblivion to others needs feels very unhealthy. However the urge is very hard to resist.

this was a very John video. (it was very good)

I know that this is talking about physical pain but so much of this can also apply to emotional pain. ESPECIALLY how isolating it can be.

I think my favorite thing about this channel is how often John and Hank broadcast empathy and trying to understand others. What a positive thing in the world.

I can't get past the adorable and kind of saddening image of your tiny 6-year-old son saying "It hurt like this" and pinching you. So cute XD

I was diagnosed w/ Fibromyalgia 12 yrs ago. The chronic pain started 18yrs ago (I was 18). I've seen many doctors, tried various medications (the side effects weren't worth it), & been told "it's all in my head." No one understands the daily all over body pain unless they too suffer from Fibromyalgia. You learn to just grin & bear it. In the end I do not doubt another's pain because I understand what it feels like to be told that the pain I'm in is "nothing". I hope no one ever has to live life long pain... Physical or emotional.

I've been living with chronic pain since I was 13, a literal child. It has shaped my entire teenage years, my early adulthood, and now ten years later, I'm still in excruciating pain every day. And like you said, it's horrifyingly lonely. Terrifyingly hopeless. I will never be cured, never be rid of it, all my doctors are certain of it. When I think about the fact that I'll have to live another 80 years in constant, permanent, never-ending pain, I don't know how to convince myself to keep going. No one should have to suffer this way. And I won't ever be able to make someone understand what I live through every day, which is its own type of horror. Thank you for talking about this. I wish more people were conscious of chronic pain sufferers, and invisible disabilities in general. It would have made growing up easier, if I had anyone to look up to, or ask questions to, or relate to.

John, I have chronic pain. I have a genetic condition (Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome for the curious), and one of the ways in which it manifests is chronic pain, both of my joints and my muscles (since they have to compensate for my joints). I haven't been pain-free in almost a year and a half. I have a right to be bitter. I have a right to be angry and miserable all the time. After all, as you pointed out, we cannot communicate pain. I can tell everyone that my knee hurts as if I'd run for fifty miles or my migraine makes me feel like my head is being repeatedly slammed into a brick wall, but the people I'm reaching out to (and myself, actually) don't know what these things feel like. And even if they do, that won't enable them to feel my pain - it merely provides some sort of an analogy. Pain is incredibly isolating, and since pain is not visible (and the source, in my case, isn't either), it's easy for others to dismiss. However, I've been struck by how much kinder I've become. Pain, and suffering in general, often does make us more capable of empathy. But I think you're not giving us enough agency. Pain can lead to empathy, but it can also lead to seclusion and bitterness. It's up to us - we have a choice. And I've found that it's less painful to choose empathy. Anger helps in the moment, sure, but it makes my life more emotionally painful in the long run. I also find that, as important it is to describe the complexity of sharing pain, it's far more important to realize that it's hard to describe joy and then try to do so. There's not enough joy in this world. Thank you so much for addressing this topic. I really appreciate it. -Azaria

Pain sucks is a seemingly simple concept that I feel like our culture isn't great at. When you're younger, you're exposed to all these stories of people who go through hardship and persevere. We're told how great these people are and, to an extent, I think it does make it seem like pain and hardship are something needed to achieve greatness. For the last 4 years I've dealt with chronic pain in my back, neck, and other regions of my body. Recently, a friend who I go to college with told me that she considered dropping out of being premed but she looked at how hard I worked and found inspiration in it, and I was surprised that I just didn't care at all. I was happy my friend was still pursuing her dream, but I didn't like the idea that my pain that has made almost every aspect of my life worse than it was before was something to be looked at with inspiration. I don't work harder because I'm a better person. I work harder because life didn't give me a choice.

Still using this as reference. Still. Thank you, John Green. For being.

this is literally my favourite UKposts channel I love you guys

I have really terrible cramps, and while it's happening it's the absolute worst and I totally feel just how painful it is, however when I'm not on my period and someone else talks about having cramps, I somehow forget my own experience of the pain and feel that empathy gap. I have to actively remind myself of my own pain so I can stop doubting someone else.

Not only physical pain, the aches of the soul are just as unshareble. How to describe profound lonliness, how to put depression into words, how to give voice to the wounds a friend who left you to die innflicted upon you? writers, poets, and musicians might give you, provided enormous skill in their art, a glimpse. Pain of any kind cannot be described. as you put it, John: Pain demands to be felt.

One of the things I love about Hank and John is that they are both objectively flawed human beings, meaning they both have their problems and those problems are MORE than just basic human problems. But despite facing challenges that most of us do not have to face, they have an objectively successful life, right? Professional and personal success. I face my own share of challenges on a daily basis because of who I am, I am a trans-women, I am also a very flawed human being, depression and severe anxiety have in the past, crippled me.. and I sometimes wonder, "Is who I am or my depression or my anxiety going to stop me from having a good life?" and when I watch these videos with Hank and John, I am reminded that, even though I am a flawed human, so are a lot of people, and I'm not alone. Thank you for making these videos.

Living with chronic pain sucks so much. And for me it's not the pain itself, I can endure it most of the times; it's the fact that no one understands how bad it actually can get and people misjudge or laugh about how "sensitive" I am. It's like you said, unfortunately, pain is like high security isolation cell. I so agree with this video. Wish you to be strong John!

I've been there. I suffered from chronic pain for 6 years until finally a new doctor described a new medication that eliminated 90% of the pain. I always felt so isolated and could never quite describe, even to my wife what I was going through. Good luck, I'm glad you found the right doctors.

"physical pain is essentially unsharable" i like this a lot

"language is always inadequate in the face of pain" so true. i've been dealing with chronic pain in many of my joints for 10 years, due to hypermobility. it's hard when people think my life is easy or that i have no struggles, just because i hide my pain from most people.

My cousin came to stay with me for five weeks last year. I knew she was struggling with chronic pain, and I knew it'd been getting worse, but there was nothing to prepare me for seeing her tortured by her own body all day every day. You can make metaphors about pain being like a warning message on your computer; it's supposed to be one little popup to tell you to stop doing a thing, but instead the popups cover your whole screen, stop you from doing every thing, but even then... it's hard to imagine. It's hard to hear. It's hard to know what to do or how to keep listening.

I revisit this video often since it really resonates with me as someone who’s invisibly ill. Thank you, John. I’ve had symptoms of what my doctors have been calling “emerging lupus” or “undifferentiated connective tissue disease” since I was 11. The symptom that interferes with my daily functioning the most is the fatigue, but the pain from arthritis can certainly be very isolating. Complaining seemed reasonable as a kid, since I hoped there would be a medication that would bring relief, but the longer the pain dragged out, the less sense it made to subject everyone around me to detailed descriptions of how much I was suffering. So I really, really understand what John is saying about turning inward and inward. I’ve truly tried everything over the past 21 years, so I ask a favor before I indulge in a little complaining below: please don’t offer solutions to my pain unless you are my rheumatologist and have read my massive medical history. I live with a constant, low-grade pain that I would describe as dull and aching in all of my joints. Sometimes I have good days and I barely feel it, but most of the time the pain sits at around a 4/10 (imho). Non-steroidal anti-inflammatories and disease-modifying anti-rheumatic drugs help with the stiffness, but not the pain. When I really focus on that dull aching pain, it feels a little like all my joints are grinding against each other. The worst pain I experience is when the joint pain flares up. On those days, the pain shoots up to a maximum of 9/10, and it’s very difficult for me to get out of bed. The sensation varies from feeling like each joint is being dissolved in a vat of acid, to feeling as though I’m being shot or stabbed in each joint repeatedly. To compare to other painful things you may have experienced, broken bones (I mean snapped clean in half) and major surgery pale in comparison. I’d put those at about a 5/10, and I’ve refused pain medication in both cases. It’s been a particularly rough week. Thank you for listening.

Interesting how your son figured out how to communicate that experience effectively but I guess you're lucky it wasn't: "Daddy, I got punched in the face and it felt like this......" and back to the dentist you go =/

My pleasure. Really happy you enjoyed it! I hope you get relief sooner rather than later so you no longer have to deal with language's shortcomings, on top of everything else. Until then - always happy to listen. :D

Oh my god John's son is six... I remember when he was born. I'm only 21 but I'm feeling quite old right about now.

Migraines are a fun (not really) example of this. Everyone's reaction to a migraine is different, from auras, to blind spots, to nausea. There are similarities, but it's never exactly the same as what someone else experiences. When I first started getting migraines I tried to describe the sensations and pain to my dad, himself a long-time migraine sufferer, but I could never really express it and the way he described his migraines never quite matched up with my own experience.

I remember reading about this in Cavanaugh's "Torture and Eucharist", where pain shrinks the world of a person to the limits of their bodies, scatters the mind, and can remake one's identity. Pain is nearly impossible to communicate, but becomes very difficult to even talk about in the absence of scars, because there is nothing visible to show (which is why trauma is a real challenge to talk about, too). Thank you for this video.

On a similar note, I have read that psychotherapists are told that the only way to truly understand the mental pain of others is to have gone through similar pain. So, when we talk about pain, we cannot elicit sympathy via words, but only by harkening back to painful memories.

I had pain for most of my childhood, starting at 4 years old. IBS sucks. Luckily I'm doing better now and often have days without any pain🎉

Just got here after reading Turtles. Like, how much of this video is literally made of lines from the book.

I have a chronic illness that often manifests itself through chronic pain. I think pain most certainly makes you a more empathetic listener, but it also has the potential to make you into a more defensive person because no language exist to explain pain. Your words here are the closest I've ever heard in explaining pain--especially chronic pain. Thanks for a glimpse of clarity.

How is it that once the pain is gone we forget so quickly how terrible it felt? I'm wondering this as I sit uncomfortably bearing some rather unbearable period cramps. I always forget how much they suck until I get them again, even though I have to deal with them on a monthly basis!

🐢I swear since reading TATWD, when I'm rewatching old vlogbrother vids, (which I do every so often) I'm like turtles is literally everywhere. It's true when you said that it's the one that talks about more recent truths than past truths (paraphrasing here) but... Yeah.... I really loved turtles, thank you so much for writing it and sharing it with us. 🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢🐢 *insert a name specific sign off*

Dear John. I'm personally so touched by this video I want to thank you. As a sufferer of severe and frequent migraine attacks I see myself misunderstood so often. I sometimes feel people think I deliberately use my condition to not have to show up at things. Sometimes I even get blatantly confronted by people who are butthurt by their own superstition. I wanted to add that pain cannot only be isolating on a philosophical or etymological level, where it's hard to make someone understand, but also very literally by being shut out by people, or having to delete people from your life who just cannot understand, even besides being literally shut out from activities or events when being held back by your own body. I'm not complaining, I'm not cynical about my life. In fact I feel obliged to make the best of the time that is given to me in which I am free from attacks. And I'm very happy I live in a time where I can dedicate some of this precious time to watching your movies. Here and for instance in Crash Course. Thanks again for this great message. Although I know I can't fully understand your pain just like you can't understand mine. It's good to know there is someone across the ocean willing to try. Best wishes from the Netherlands.

Henry is 6 already??? Wow. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana

John, idk if you'll see this but you have no idea on the impact you have on my life. I've been having a hard time lately and this channel has become more of a home to me. Anytime me and my friends are talking and I get to bring up the subject of "John green is my spirit animal" it makes my day. Your kind of like an old friend in my heart. Of you see this just know... I can't thank you enough. You've pulled me out of depression.

I'll go one further. Not only is it hard to empathize with the pain of others, but it's actually hard to empathize with your own past pain. I've suffered great pain in the past (dental, sports accidents, surgery) but as I sit here now in total comfort, I cannot remember that pain with the same vividness that I can recall eating a delicious cookie, or getting a back-rub. I remember *that* it was excruciating and scary, I remember enough to avoid re-injuring myself at all costs, but I think my mind blocks out the richer details. I've heard others say similar things.

As someone who's dealt with chronic illness for 10+ years, the notion of being trapped inside my body has hit quite a few times and never fails to freak me out. Anyway, of course saying 'I hope it gets better' isn't always applicable to chronic pain, but I do hope yours is as good as it can be and stays that way for as long as possible x

"Pain is a reminder that you are alone inside your body, that no one else can access your consciousness, and that what you call yourself is, at least in some ways, a kind of prison from which there is no early escape." Nerdfighter Risa, please make a poster out of this terribly pessimistic John Green quote. :D

I have PCOS a horrible condition which results in some side effects like hairy arms and gaining weight easily but also mainly in having cysts on my ovaries. Having them is super painful, my obgyn says they're worse than giving birth, and trying to explain that pain to someone is hard. But the only thing I like about it is the kindness and empathy I am reminded of when I am in that pain. My family, friends, my partner all take care of me and try to make me feel better, to ease physical suffering with emotional pleasure. And that's a great feeling. And I think that enables me to see the best I'm those around me, and I think it brings out the best I'm them.

As someone who's days are regularly ruined by migraines (and waking up this very morning with a head splitting one) I took a lot of comfort out of this video. Hang in there, dear people in the comments.

I'm currently in pain because of a tooth thing too, and knew you talked about it before and am so happy to have found it. Three minutes of John, now back to my decaying prison of a body.

This is my favorite vlogbrothers video of all time. As a sufferer of a chronic headache (yes, one single headache lasting a year and a half), this speaks so many truths about chronic pain. Not knowing what's causing the pain makes it all the worse, as well. If there is a cause, at least you can somewhat validate that there is some sort of pain to others. But not having a reason makes it even harder for people to understand what you're going through. Physical pain is so isolating. As a student, it makes it so much harder. Teachers, faculty members, and peers have to understand your issues, but it's so tough to explain the pain. It is impossible to bridge that gap between feeling and understanding. But it was so nice to hear John talk about becoming more empathetic because of the pain and our experience with it. I have been saying this for months now. And people always look at me a bit funny when I say, "It's not all bad, ya know". I have learned so much about people and about empathizing with others. Chronic pain sucks. But hearing everything I've thought over the past however many months come out of someone else's mouth is just incredible. It makes me feel like I'm not so alone. Because even though others may not be able to fully comprehend my pain, being able to relate through the emotional pain can be so much more powerful. John, thank you. -Kirsten Schurk

Thank you John. I've lived with chronic stomach pain for over eleven years now, and pain sucks! I wish I could've said that I didn't let this pain define me as a person, but I grew up with this pain. I went to school with this pain. I talked to people with this pain. I became an adult whilst being in pain. That means that I've spent a lot of time being inside my own skin, inside my own pain. That is how I've defined pain to myself during all these years; You get sucked back into your skin and the world is taken away from you. Perhaps you can feel a bit of the floor, or the chair you're sitting on, or perhaps the pillow you're hugging all too tightly, but that is all the existence you're allowed. The room you're in becomes a blurry island, on which you're marooned. You can't get away. You can't escape. You're hurting and you can't get away.

I don't understand how I've never heard this story before. I was standing on a trail outside San Francisco in 2003 when a dudebro on a mountain bike came down a hill at top speed and hit me. I broke my neck, my ribs, lacerated my liver, displaced half my pelvis....I can keep going. Ultimately 15yrs later I am left spinal cord disabled and a severe chronic pain patient. I LOATHE it when people try to argue with me that it couldn't have been a bike.

i feel one of these three ways after watching a vlogbrothers video: entertained, informed or whoops here comes ab existential crisis. today it was all three but with a strong emphasis on the latter. still, thank you for a great viddo, john!

Hey John, As someone who has a chronic pain disorder, which results in constant and high level pain, this video was very cathartic to watch. Thank you.

As a person with a hereditary disease that causes constant chronic pain, I wish I could like this video 1000 times. It's especially difficult describing your pain to your doctors, which is most frustrating since they're the only ones who can help you!

Watching this while laying in bed recovering from my third back surgery. I needed this.

Thanks for this video! Pain is a subject that is simply not discussed enough in a meaningful manner. So often, such discussions devolve into "my pain is worse than your pain" competitions. My husband and I have been married for 18 years, and both of us experience our own chronic pain. Years ago, we used to fall into that competitive pain trap: he has bulging discs in his back (ouchie!) and I have had uterine cramps of varying intensity almost every day for the last ten years (ugh!). We each have our own pain, and neither pain is more important than the other. Driving this point home was a friend of ours, who had to have his prostate removed due to recurring cancer. He claimed that upon awaking in the hospital from the surgery, his nurse told him that was he was going through was nothing compared to the pain of childbirth that women experience, thereby amplifying our friend's already misogynist tendencies, unfortunately. The last thing our society needs is people going around poo-poo-ing others' pain, especially those who are paid to be caregivers. On that note, I think that a lot of adults do this to children's pain too easily. Taking someone's pain seriously is an act of empathy, not spoiling or coddling.

Thank you for talking about this. As someone who has had severe chronic pain (bad enough for my family to consider more extreme measures) for a least half a decade with more minor things starting before that, and just found out it's from massive spinal deformities that I thought was dealt with when I had surgery as an infant, and now found out I need another major spinal surgery which may or may not help and I may be in pain and disabled for the rest of my life when I'm now only 27, this helps. Also sorry for the run-on sentence. I spent almost 4 years with every doctor telling me I was just a young, stupid girl who was making it up or just had a low pain tolerance or it was just all in my head. So yes, someone listening and believing you profoundly helps, and the first doctor who did so meant me not committing suicide. So believing people in pain, and listening to them, can be a literal lifesaver.

it took over 10 years for doctors to actually diagnose my back issues (herniated disc, bulging discs) that were from a trauma. They blamed it on me being overweight and assumed that i was lazy. A chiropractor finally sent me for an MRI and could point at the scan and said "this is where you hurt. it is not in your head." i have lived with this pain for 17 years. i have good days and bad. The most devastating days are when friends/family injure their backs, come to me, and apologize for downplaying my pain or not helping me through it. Devastating cause i would have never wished for them to know. Suffering does not enoble us, but it does humble us and get us to recognize suffering in others. the human condition is that most people would seek to alleviate pain in others ar least as much as or more than they would seek to alleviate their own pain.

I'm so glad you made this video, John. Bridging the gap between my perception of pain and someone else's understanding of my experience is the most frustrating and isolating feeling in the world. When I was 16, I was really sick with crohn's disease, and I was in pretty intense chronic pain. One day in class one of my friends asked me about my illness and what I felt everyday. I told her that it was awful, that sometimes I would be walking in public and I would have to sit down on the ground because I was in too much pain. I told her that it was five times worse than any period cramp I have ever had. It was debilitating. Then, the girl who sat next to me, who was listening the whole time said, "I wish I had crohn's disease so I could lose as much weight as you." I know that I did not even scratch the surface in describing my pain, but to completely dismiss my suffering and focus on what she considered a "good symptom" was the most frustrating experience of my life. I realize that she most likely has never endured any serious pain but it still makes me cringe just thinking about it.

Seeing this video describing exactly how I've been feeling, especially recently has me in tears. My chronic pain has been so isolating and I've been so desperate for understanding from my friends and family. Watching this video not only made me feel like I finally had words to describe a lot of how I feel, but seeing all these other people who also relate makes me feel so much less alone than before.

So I have a bunch of herniated discs due to degenerative disc disease (at 17, which is basically unheard of) and this video was incredibly comforting. Things have been so bad lately and I can't even express how nice it is to remember other people understand chronic pain too. Thanks John.

This was a perfectly timed video! I burned my whole hand a curling iron this morning and have been icing it all day! So thanks for giving me a convenient existential crisis, John.

I have suffered from persistent pain for 17 years and chronic pain for the last 8 years AND ALL I CAN SAY IS thank you. This is why writers are immensely important, because they put metaphor to good use describing well what is personal and cannot be felt by all. Through words well written (or spoken) we can share an solitary experience. As as a person, a wife, a mother, a writer, blogger, artist, author, friend and a NERDFIGHTER who has been isolated by pain and disease (RA and AS) this video is now a tool I can use in my arsenal to stand in for the me who at times is too ill to use my own words to bring about understanding. Thank you, John Green. Much appreciated.

I remember when my first dog died. Henry was a black poodle with eyesight issues. We had let him out one night expecting him to return. He didn't. My father found him on the road that lay parallel to our house. I didn't see him collapsed form (it was much too dark). Nor did I want to. The ache in my heart that night was a new experience, something I would feel again when my grandparents died. That night the power went out. We lit candles but it was still pretty hard to see. I felt like my dead blind dog.

I'm about to start a new job where I work with people who are in chronic pain. This video could not have come at a more perfect time for me to hear that message. Thanks for making great content.

It's funny that something so universal can be so personal. My pain started when I was 14, and my mom and I comforted each other by saying "at least it's not progressive, and there's no damage." That was because, for a while, we thought it was RSD (a VERY painful nerve feedback loop, but treatable). Last year, after no improvements, we finally figured out that it is, in fact, a progressive degenerative nerve disease with no cure or treatment, which is a bummer. It's been amazing to get to understand my pain on a more biological/molecular level, but it's terrifying to know that my pain will continue to get worse, and I have no way of sharing it with anyone or even adequately describing it. I've used a wheelchair full-time for 4 years now, and I think that gives people a visual for it, but the pain is still invisible, nagging, subjective, and uniquely my experience.

I haven't been officially diagnosed with it, but my psychiatrist, in listening to my complaints of joint pain, tells me that she thinks it might be fibromyalgia. I spoke with a professor about it and learned she has it and just being able to feel like I wasn't alone and theres an answer to why my joints seemingly randomly hurt to the point of tears. Thank you for speaking about pain and how terrible chronic pain can be. This has been something I've dealt with since I was a child. It was first brushed off as growing pains when I was little and would wake up crying from how badly my knees hurt. When I got older the doctors have either told me that it's a woman thing, that women's joints hurt more and theres nothing they can do about it or they've told me I just need to lose weight which never made any sense to me because it's not only my knees but it's my wrists, elbows, shoulders, neck, etc, and I've just always been really sensitive to pain. Chronic pain is so so hard to have people understand because it's so hard to convey and you definitely hit it when you were talking about henry and his ant bite

My chronic pain appeared when I was 8 years old. Nothing is more frustrating than explaining over and over again what you are feeling to parents and countless doctors who don't believe you. My pain is now manageable but not gone. I avoid talking about it because when people can't see what's wrong it doesn't feel like it's really there. Thanks John for always understanding that pain demands to be felt.

My father has had a constant migraine since he was six years old. He is now fifty-six years old and the doctors are still confused at what is wrong with him. Though they have recently been getting some better results. The sad part for me is seeing him on just enough pain meds to not kill him and it still does almost nothing. The doctors currently think it is a problem with a set of nerves in his spine that control the feeling in your face and head. Which may be incurable without leaving him with no feeling in his face. Seeing him in so much pain yet not being able to help or fully understand his pain has haunted me for a good amount of my life. Good luck to those that have chronic pain. It is hell and I would not wish it on my worst enemy.

I remember you mentioning on a Dear Hank and John about a scale to measure pain with the question: "How much would you be willing to give up to get rid of your pain?" SUCH BIG IDEAS. I don't have any chronic pain and i have great care, and still that uncomfortableness in being around people and not knowing their pain should not stop me from genuinely listening and believing people. I love the idea that understanding pain outward by listening is much more empathetic and we can listen to the differences we experience and respect them, yet still appreciate what's similar between people. And I care so much, so I listen. To be a giant listening ear that can alleviate some suffering.

So I have club feet, which essentially means that my feet get extremely fatigued very quickly when walking (which has curtailed dreams of walking across the UK and playing football for Manchester United), but one of the best things to happen to me was to live with someone who had Chronic Fatigue (which includes a lot of very nasty pain). The discussions we've had between ourselves about what it is to live with chronic pain has been extremely helpful both in our understanding of each other and each others pain, but also with the understanding that pain does not define who you are or what you do. I hadn't had that before, and I value it so much now.

John, you are so right about listening to someone in pain and believing them. I'm a dentist and it's pretty much our job to believe a patient when they say it hurts. Sometimes it's something we can relieve quickly, like an infected tooth. Sometimes all we can do to help is finally give someone a diagnosis for something no one believed they were experiencing. One of the biggest things you can do to support someone with chronic pain is simply to believe them. I wish more doctors knew this.

"Language is always inadequate in the face of pain." Well, that's my next tattoo sorted.

In pain from a long term condition and watching this, it almost made me cry! The isolation, the part about listening to those in pain...thank you for this video :)

I can sympathize John. I got hit by a boat and i almost died. I lost 10 units of blood, had a feeding tube for 4 months, and couldn't talk for 3 months. I have had 10 surgeries and spent months in the hospital. I have massive facial scarring. I have constant chronic physical pain and I am taking 21 credits in college. I am currently getting through it and I know how hard it is. All I can say is what really matters is your belief in yourself that you can succeed.

I think the most tasteful description of pain I've ever read was written by Stephen Brust in one of his Vlad Taltos books. It is written in the first person, and it features a torture scene. None of the agony is described. The narrator just starts describing a painting on the wall in painstaking detail, commenting on each aspect, doing a bit of art criticism, all to take his mind off the horrible things happening to him. And I feel that is far and away the most effective description of pain I've ever read, because it didn't describe how the pain felt - it described how DEALING WITH IT felt. In the end, if you want to describe agony, this is a useful method.

I love the comment section for these kinds of videos. There's something emotionally soothing to hear about others enduring chronic pain--it's one thing to know there are all sorts of people hurting out there so you're technically not alone, but it's another to read discussions about it in the light of camaraderie. I have migraines, gastroparesis, nerve pain, and POTS. I often "meet" people with these conditions just by scrolling a little ways even though I may only meet migraine sufferers in real life. Even something common like migraines have so much variability: mine are almost every day, sometimes not too bad other than nauseating, but other times ricocheting through my body with my other conditions, and those ricochet elsewhere. Naturally, I'm more exhausted than anything else. People that have experienced pain as healthy individuals with isolated incidences don't understand, and I agree that there's no word arsenal that can interpret things for them. At the end of the day, I give points for trying to empathize and being patient (a rarity considering how quickly many people depart a conversation once there's any hint of pain or illness). Even doctors can be squeamish about or disinterested in caring for hard to treat chronic issues.

Well shit, John, you've gotten me all existential now. I AM ALONE IN MYSELF :(

Thanks, John. I am finding this comforting as I go through a season of loss and transition. Particularly, "To have great pain is to have certainty. To hear that another person has pain is to have doubt... physical pain can be profoundly isolating." I relate as I've found this season clarifying yet lonely as I struggle to explain to others what I am feeling and others struggle to understand.

I've lived with severe chronic pain for the past seven years, it started when I was 13 and had to have my first back surgery due to several herniated discs and genetic spine disorders. Then another at 15. and another at 16. I had to be taken out of school year after year. Dozens of doctors, tests, and disappointments. Pain is isolating, but one of my favorite things to do is think of dreadful analogies to explain how I feel. "My bones feel like a giant picked up my body and slammed it on concrete" or "It feels like a little bullet train of electricity is running from my back to my leg every few minutes." UKposts has also been a good platform for me. I can turn on the camera and talk about my pain and know that someone, somewhere, knows how I feel. And that maybe my words can help other young people diagnosed with chronic pain and chronic conditions who are just as lonely and scared as I was.

On a scale of 1-10 rank your pain right now (while in the doctors office after not doing much of anything for the past month waiting on the appointment). Compared to the worst it gets, 2. Better way to describe it: At it's best, I'm always aware of my knees. At it's worst, I'm ready to get a knife and remove my own kneecaps, or I'm asking if someone has a chainsaw and will cut my leg off above my knee. That description finally got a doctor's attention. Now, after 7 years of pain, I'm a month away from surgery!

So true about suffering not being ennobling. I have suffered from intense chronic lower back pain for two years now since right around my 20th birthday. I used to use the pain as some kind of "test" in my mind, and kept thinking that it is destined to morph me into an unbreakable person. The opposite is true now. I am for the first time, in a very rough life too, broken. There is no rest. It is constant and indescribable to others. It changes who you are, makes you nervous, steals your sleep. If you have never felt it, there's just no way to even conceive it. I never understood chronic pain before I started having it, I hope more people will come to understand t without having to endure it.

John, I want to thank you for making a video exclusively about your chronic pain from your jaw. I'm a doctoral student training to be a clinical psychologist and during many of my courses, we learn about specific populations that are not receiving the care that they desperately need and our responsibility as future psychologists of the world to increase their accessibility to care. One population we have often cited or mentioned in passing is individuals with chronic pain with or without physiological causes. Our main focus - as mental health professionals - is the isolating experience of chronic pain and the effects on one's mental health. You mention this feeling of isolation in your video which is great and I think will greatly contribute to others' understanding of what chronic pain can lead to in individuals suffering with it. By raising awareness of the gap that exists between our ability as humans to empathize with others' chronic pain, we can perhaps begin bridging that gap with sympathy and compassion. Both the mental health field and humankind in general can benefit from this awareness. I appreciate you using your platform and your voice to discuss it. DFTBA.

I've felt this in so many ways. When I told my best friend, "It feels like someone is stabbing my knee with a knitting needle." - she responded with doubt. "That can't be what it really feels like." But yes, yes it does. I don't wince every time I step or complain about it every day because I've been dealing with it my whole life and in a sad way I'm used to it. Also I don't want to burden people with my pain. I love that quote, and I wish there was a way to explain pain in a tangible way, but maybe it's better that there's not, because that kind of empathy could be crippling. At least to me.

If you think about anything long enough it becomes terrifying. I think John does a good job of proving that

I have known people who have ended their lives because of chronic pain and I know individuals who I can't believe haven't ended their lives because of chronic pain. You tend to "feel" hopeless in trying to understand both because pain is something that is so personal that when experiencing it you really do "feel" as though no one else can imagine how bad it really is, they can't possibly understand what your going through. I hope I never have to experience that kind of pain and that I would never judge someone's decision of how they choose to deal with it. Thank you for reminding us that it truly is beyond the scope of our language to convey. Peace!

I've been a nerfdfighter for more than a decade and I always come back to this video. Whether I'm having a bad mental health day, trying to help my friend with her chronic pain or doing homework (I'm a psych student), this video always reminds me the importance of empathy and the ways that language falls short. The brothers have a beautiful way of illustrating concepts that are very hard to grasp but essential in the better understanding of others and ourselves

Toward the end of this I had silent tears rolling down my face. I have Celiac Disease and spent my entire childhood having absolutely no access to healthcare and being told I was making up my (crippling) symptoms, trying to skip school, told I had an eating disorder for thinking I was getting sick after every meal. It wasn't until I was an independent adult that I found an actual medical diagnosis and was able to start the diet I needed to be a normal productive human. I spent so many years crying, praying to a God I don't even believe in, wishing I were dead, being terrified at what was wrong with me. Even now, the occasional accidental gluten contamination happens and my husband knows the deal, but no amount of descriptive similies and metaphors, like you said, can make him understand. But having him listen and be there is better than the years of being told I was making it all up.

i broke my c7 and t1 in my cervical spine (neck) about four years ago and life is everything you described. constant pain on a daily basis no matter how hard you try to shake it is no fun.

As someone with fibromyalgia I really enjoyed this thank you for speaking about it, another thing to add to it is the fact that chronic pain often never fully goes away and you're reminded of that every time it flares up. There is no comforting thought of getting better to help you through it, which I personally find difficult to deal with. This video is also well timed as it is International Fibromyalgia, M.E., and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome awareness day on May 12th xx

My chronic pain awful and messing up my life plans a lot it does have one strange affect of making me live in the moment more. It’s keeps me in the present so I spend less time overthinking about the universe and more time with my friends and family. It’s has made me more grateful of the little things too

Pain helps me realize that my body is not me. I am in my body, and my body is malfunctioning (Fibromyalgia) but there is nothing I can do to control my body to stop feeling or creating pain. It often feels like prison. But I have hope I will one day be freed. I shall check that book out for sure. Thanks!

It's something my mom always complain about, she broke a couple of ribs about 10 years ago, and despite her quick recover, and ribs being successfully healed, she still feels the pain today; sometimes she even pass out with pain, but people are absurdly insensitive about this, even doctors sometimes just mistreat her thinking she is just exaggerating, but imagine feeling for 10 years the pain of broken ribs... it's hard to even conceive, well most people never even broke a rib and some people never even broke a bone, but every single time someone have to endure some pain, like a headache for a couple of days, a chipped tooth or something like that people say to her "Whoa, it's terrible, I can't even imagine how bad it must be to feel such pain for such a long time..."

As someone who rarely experiences extreme pain, it's been difficult trying to relate to my brother who has fibromyalgia. I am myself guilty of sometimes doubting the amount of pain he is truly in. But he is always so understanding when I am in pain that it saddens me, and helps me to comprehend what he goes through. This video is truly spot on, thank you for continuing to make such relatable content.

This hits home incredibly hard right now. I'm still recovering from costochondritis (chest wall pain) a month after scarily sharp sternum pain sent me to the ER after work one evening. Not only is it indescribable how much it hurt just to BREATHE for the first couple of weeks, but I've been unable to return to work due to persistent, random-onset sudden dizzy spells. My empathy levels must be over 9000 by now.

I may or may not be crying from the feels of the realness in this video. I have been chronically ill for most of my life and what is said in this video is something i wish everyone, including other people in pain, could understand. Our pain is just that - OURS. It cannot be shared and it cannot really be understood because it is not measurable in relation to someone else's pain. It's like going to the doctor and they have you rate your pain on a scale of 1 to 10. It is widely ineffective because someone's 6 could be another's 9. (Don't get me wrong. I understand why they do it but it doesn't mean they know the degree of your pain, especially when 10 is supposed to reference the worst pain you have experienced and even then pain is relative and not everyone would sort things the same way on pain level alone. ) It's something all of us can do better - the healthy not judging the hurt and the hurt not comparing to each other.

I have had arthritis for almost my entire life. Since I was at least 7, I can remember the swelling and the acute pain it caused. But what hurt me the most was the look on my mom and dad's face. Knowing they could do nothing, seeing the helplessness in their eyes some how was the worst part of it. So through out my life I have tried to be mentally stronger and more stubborn about accepting help. But now that I am much older I can see where stubborness and the unwillingness to accept the pain and the effect it had on others actually stopped me from caring about the most important person in my life. Myself. Sounds crazy, maybe alittle selfish but pain can make you stop caring about everything. And that is the scariest thing I can think of. I hope you get better and more than that, you need to hug you brother more. Thank you.

This video kinda hit me hard in the heart. Throughout my life people have not believed me when I said I was in pain. The most common dismissives given were: "Stop overeacting." or "You're not in pain, you just want attention." This lead to me litterally not understanding my own pain. What can I call pain? When do I have enough pain to talk about it? When do I need to take measures against it? When I have pain (as what I think is pain) I immediately feel stressed. When I chose to talk about it, I'm always filled with the feeling of guilt. I do not know how to deal with pain and no one seems to be able to teach me.

I've been dealing with Chronic Myeloid Leukemia for over a year now. Thanks to amazing medical breakthroughs, I didn't need traditional Chemo, so I didn't lose my hair or anything, and I look healthy. But that's led to other problems, like certain coworkers not believing I'm sick, and the people closest to me not understanding what I'm going through. I tried talking about it, letting them know, but that became a vicious cycle. The more I talk about it, the more they think I'm subconsciously making excuses for my inability to hold a regular job. Worse still, I started wondering whether I was making excuses, and perhaps was just lazy and weak for not powering through. There was a weird sense of relief when my latest medication caused me to break out in a bright red rash over my entire body. It was tangible. It was real. It was something people could look at and enable them to empathize. Anyway, thank you for talking about it. It's important to keep trying to understand and empathize, even though we can never fully get there.

I have chronic migraines which are near impossible for people without them to understand and empathize with. Great and very true video!

I have seen this video before and I think I commented then, but I will again. It was nice to find this right now, when I've found out that I have to go off of my pain meds for the foreseeable future. I do withdraw into myself, and it's hard not to. But this is a good reminder that I'm not alone.

As a flat footed cashier I totally understand the isolating nature of pain. I can't back out of an 8 hour shift because my feet hurt, and it is incredibly hard to convey just how bad they can hurt after long periods of standing. I often get asked why I am sitting on the floor in the hall rather than standing, and my feet hurt just doesn't really get the point across. And it would sound dramatic to say I physically can't stand anymore when I have no visible injuries. So I really get this

It's really nice to see how much your son can expand your mind and trigger videos like this (as well as your teeth). Makes me look forward to having kids some day!

As someone who suffers from severe, unbearable chronic pain (as well as a myriad of other chronic illnesses), thank you for making this video to educate the population of people who don't deal with regular, chronic pain. It's so much appreciated 😘💜✨