Same!

😸

You made me laugh 😆 🤣

I also did that, saw the irony, was going to post about it, then I thought “someone probably did this already and im sure it’s on the top comments. I should check later, when I watch the video”. So it is.

@@cav89- LOL The beauty of it is it was completely unconsidered at the time as well. A true case of ironical events.

😁😁😁😁😁😁

Agreed

@@BeHappy-rq9ql um eu

Indeed, I should be writing and preparing a presentation.

@@BeHappy-rq9ql qaaqq11q1qq1

Same, I struggled with procrastination for years. What I did whas I took the advice with my friend which is escape comfort zone. Even when I feel worried, lazy, nervous, I still do what I havd to do and I find it working. The only problem now is balance. I have to put in the right amount of effort to not get burnout.

@@eggxecution Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I am trying to do the same, training my mind to get going no matter what and maintaining balance.

I wasted my 2 yrs in result i failed my class 12. Eat that frog, journaling save me from again wasting my yrs.

I don't feel lazy, but because I'm not delivering as much I would I think it will look like I'm lazy. And also this feeling people will like me because I'm good worker and if I'm not doing this well because I'm stuck, how will I be worth.

​@@andersonaf You describe well some of the subsequent feelings and worries in relation to worth. The multiple layers of feeling (being a good worker), others' perceptions of you and liking you, and how they might judge our worth can all add to the magnitude of our anxiety and interrupt or block our thinking and decision-making. These are understandable and common thoughts and feelings, but they are not inevitable. Because so much of what we're describing is inferring and imputing to others' their thoughts and beliefs and conjecturing about their perceptions and the interpretations they make, we can actually make changes to these internal experiences. They are, to a great extent, created in our own minds. Even if accurate, the EFFECTS are on our minds, emotions and bodies, which we can influence through intentional, skillful actions like self-talk, emotional self-regulation, and tapping into values and motivations that are conducive to getting started and engaging productively.

eh, more complex than fear

correct

You're right, he mentions it at 11:09

Prioritize and execute. Pick something and start building momentum.

Story of my life at the moment

Thats my life

Dylan Santana yep

I watched this as a productivity sense trying not procrastinating.

Need to do a project but screw it lets just watch ted talks all day.

personally, I dropped out of college so I call this learning 😂

Dylan Santana - I think that’s why we got here. But it’s a good video. 👍🏼

Annie, well i can't say i really got teary ;-) and those thoughts occurred to me way before the halfway point, LoL, but you stated so well the help his talk was to me too!

YESSSS 😭❤️

🥹

Get this Man a Nobel Prize

I just saw this at a critical point of procastinating towards a very important goal im my life and let me tell you I wasnt teary, I was sobbing hahaha cause my fear of failure is so big that I do exactly what he us saying, I feel so identified with this video and it really helped me understand a little bit more about myself so next stop: therapy hahaha

Me!!!!

Perfect

Yup.

This really resonates with me and is some sort of synchronicity lol. I just revisited my DBT workbook I bought 5 years ago because I have the same issues of procrastination, self-doubt and overwhelming emotions. Like you, when I was in high school I rather NOT turn in subpar work to insult the teacher or hurt my ego.

All or nothing is called perfectionism and you're not the only one. But wow you were extreme!

Dialectical behavior therapy thank you

I'm glad that was valuable to you. It can be hard to hold onto that thought, but one way to do so is think about what you value in others--it's usually not their abilities--and remind yourself that it also true of others' valuing of you.

I agree, this was the most powerful line for me as well. As someone who has in recent years experienced less physical and mental ability than I had been used to, my feeling of self worth has at times also lessened. This line is one I will take with me.

Doesn't work that well in work environment though

@@Nihilistic_Optimist or in education system, unfortunately :(

​@@patchanonsoontarodom3364 Remember we are talking about "SELF-worth". Nonetheless, this statement about ability is accurate in both realms. I'm not sure what is meant by "works" (but I think you mean how OTHERS think of us in terms of our material value to a company). In fact, academic and work performance are only weakly correlated with innate intellectual ability as measured by IQ. And, there are as many as a dozen factors, virtually all of which are within are control and be cultivated, that have been found in empirical research to have a bigger impact on performance on both spheres. Because other people--including bosses and teachers-- hold mistaken beliefs about ability is not a good reason for us to accept and to internalize those beliefs ourselves--and in fact is one more reason to address and correct them. We are not reducible to our abilities or our worldly achievements. If you had a stay at home mom who has been important in your life, than you will see this immediately. Our mothers matter to us not because of what they did at work or how smart they are, but how they treat us and make us feel.

I think so, too. The wisdom of Mandela's quote is confirmed by research in motivational psychology. When we strive toward and make choices that guide us toward what we positively aspire to (our hopes) we are happier, more fulfilled and often more successful in achieving our goals than if we are motivated by fear and avoidance.

Thanks for your thoughtful comment. As a matter of fact I have thought about that and talk with people about it in my coaching--I'll address it more below. I also frame procrastination in terms of well-being theory, which advocates for 'balance' by approaching positive states in the areas you mention. I agree that narrowing or limiting our sources of self-worth within conventional belief systems can make it harder to achieve, increase pressures, and thus offer less material opportunities for feeling worthy. But that relationship is, pretty clearly, not uni-directional; it goes both directions. Procrastination leads to imbalance, and being out of balance can lead to procrastination in various ways. What's more there are cyclic patterns and effects. I do not think it is useful to tell people there is one cause for such complex patterns of behavior. I've worked with enough people to know that's not the case. I have observed that as students transition into college and into grad school, their time and efforts are narrowed, academics take up a larger portion of their life and identity or self-concept--for obvious reasons I think. They may give up sports or music, leave behind communities, etc. that engaged them and brought them connection, validation, success and meaning in order to meet higher academic demands and to prepare for their next step in life. We can understand why most do, the stakes for getting high grades feel high and have material consequences. What most people don't notice, but you clearly do, is what those activities did in their lives. I realized in college that my participation (and success) on sports teams was far more important than I had realized for my self-concept. I see people who love to sing in choir or play an instrument in high school put that aside and lose the un-evaluated engagement, enjoyment and connection that comes from it. But those are kind of invisible and we often don't see how that can connect to our academic performance--especially in a positive way. Many see these things as trade-offs to school, not aids. I think procrastination results from many sources and is different for different people, even as there is commonalities. The research this talk is based upon is situated in the study of individual differences. I'll make one more point, in the form of a question. Why should people's self-worth by tied these "resources" for building self-worth in the first place? Why do people get their sense of worthiness from their hobbies or sports or networking--and is that actually a "stable" way to get it? Since success in these areas is contingent upon other people, external factors, and other things outside of our control, they are often not stable at all. Seeking validation in more areas can be useful, but it assumes the same set of underlying beliefs about the relationships of worth, ability, and performance/achievement. Because those beliefs are widespread (and hard to change in individuals and society) this approach makes sense to and is appealing to lots of people. But, this approach tacitly accepts those beliefs, that paradigm of assessing oneself without acknowledging or raising awareness about them, and so may simply replicate the problem and expand it to other realms of life and lead people to strive to achieve, be better than others and be recognized for it so that everything becomes a competition for them and nothing is intrinsically valued. I see this at Princeton where students study, live and socialize in a small community. Not only are students comparing themselves academically, they compare their friend groups and organizations and positions in them and compare their internships and job interviews, etc. Doing so only adds to the pressures, and external influences it seems to me. But, some thrive under these circumstances because of our human variety and, ultimately, the virtually unlimited capacity of human beings to adapt and actualize themselves. Sounds like you've identified a way to prevent procrastination by striving for balance--their is vital wisdom in that approach, and I wish you the best of luck in doing so.

Where I'm at in life. To a T. Thank u.

@@yeslek You're welcome, Kelsey. Glad the talk/comments are useful to you. Try to be as understanding with yourself as you are with your closest friends when they need it and see how that makes you feel.

Try being Neurodiverse in a neurotypical world then you’ll understand why we have self esteem and confidence issues

​ @Dancestar1981 seriously, i never said, that I don't understand. In fact, I suffer from the same issues. Even more, I have to take medication everyday bc of that. But I don't let my right of having a happy life suffer from that. I want to be happy and not let other people decide over my happiness bc I gave them that power. So I fight and I will never give up! And that means in times I feel insecure, I either go to friends who appreciate me for the person that I am or I occupy myself with some of my talents that I was blessed with. Working on them from sunrise till late at night day after day and then being able to see to see the fruits of hard work makes me so joyful. Even more, the point you realize that you obtained a "language" that you can use now to express your own ideas. PS: I hope you are not one of those self proclaimed neurodiverse people, in order to take away your responsibility for the life that you have.

Thank you, Ashiqur, that is high praise, indeed! I feel Self-worth theory of motivation could be helpful to more people if were more widely known. It has helped me and hundreds of people I have worked with over the years. I was fortunate to be given this platform to share the insights of my mentor, and I'm extremely gratified that viewers engage with it and share their responses like you have. If you know someone who would benefit from hearing this message about self-worth so that they can better understand themselves, please share it with them so that we reduce suffering.

@@nicvoge2234 Couldn’t agree more with Ashiqur. Thank you very much for such an invaluable advice. I just wish I had seen your talk earlier-30 years?

@@Luis.Barrueta Never too late. Heck, I'm telling myself that. And actually feeling it :)

@@nicvoge2234 this was so good, i can even relate this to my work place.

@@kevinmasilung Happy to hear that. Let me know how it goes.

I caught myself staring at how gorgeous this man is and not even knowing what his beautiful facehole is talking about..

@@jemzee That comment just made my day

@@annaleesaenglert2122 Im glad to hear that ^^

FAKE smile

🥃💃🦊... 🐎

Me too

same. I lost many opportunities bcs of this. And it's not getting away as you grow older. We do need to change our mindset, and keep our hopes not fears. Gudluck.

Gelişme var mı?

thank you for the summary

Thank you very much for doing this

@@octavioorozco1606 thanks, glad it helped

Great summary! Thank you :)

Great summary, thank you!

Thanks, Devansh. I'm so glad it was useful to you. When I learned about self-worth theory from my mentor it was immensely useful and enlightening to me.

@@nicvoge2234 I can't express you the thoughts rushing through my mind while watching you talk. I could hear my usual thought process shattering, block by block. It was liberating! And I'm so glad that I got a reply from you personally. Thank you so much🙏

It’s just you.

@@nicvoge2234 I can't believe you were nervous giving this talk, you seemed so relaxed and confident like a professional public speaker So you're either 1) a natural at public speaking or 2) a very convincing liar ! But my gut tells its the first ! I think you're just a good kind person who sincerely wants to help and inspire others that's why this talk was great to listen to because it was genuine and came from the heart. I hope you went on to give more talks like this one if not ? why not ? you should be you're gifted ! if so ? thank you on behalf of humanity keep up the good work we all need more people like you in this world ! PS I loved the smile on the guy sitting next to the blonde girl in the front row when you said your phone app says "reduce suffering" He went from looking bored/depressed to beaming with happiness .

@@jasminejones9058 Thanks, Jasmine. Your kind words mean a lot to me. I give workshops every semester on this topic and do other talks on related topics. I'm also working on an online module on overcoming procrastination which I hope will be more helpful. I have a lot of experience teaching and speaking, so even when I'm nervous I can do it. The telltale sign of my nerves is my smile. I'm pretty happy generally, but that's a nervous smile. Funny, I hadn't notice the guy you mention. Amazing how such little things can change our own and others' feelings. Thanks for pointing that out!

@Sylvester True for you and so many of us. To protect or defend our sense of self is a very basic need--we all have it. Yet, to take on challenging tasks, to do things we've never done before, to reach and stretch these will necessarily invoke the possibility--and threat--of failing. It's risky to our self-concept and self-worth. On the other hand, if we don't take those risks, we often feel unfilled, that our potential hasn't been met and unworthy. We need to demonstrate our capability to ourselves and others--that is part of being human, and so procrastination (avoidance, hesitation) is also part of the human condition.

😂

lolllll. ditto. except that what gets done is much less important and urgent than what needed to be done. always thought i had issues prioritizing and managing my time but very well may actually be procrastination. like writing youtube comments at 3 in the morning when i’m behind on everything

🤣🤣

My house would be an atrocious mess if I never procrastinated on something else.

😂

Same

So true 🥺💗💗💗

indeed

Indeed Sabina - he explained it all so well, such a helpful talk!

My life in a nutshell! 🤦🏿‍♀️🤦🏿‍♀️🤦🏿‍♀️

Glad it was helpful!

@@nicvoge2234 Yep, it seems like, the right audience will connect to the video, and once they connect, they will never forget this. So so so much grateful for this princeton prof for such amazing video decoding the brain, survival instinct, mental flaws everyone has. the key takeaway is "Brain should be fueled by positive hopeful things, not negative thoughts, fears, mental flaws, that ruin our mood and keep us in this negative rumination."

Thank you, Komal, for this useful--to me and others--note! You say this well and suggest a concrete strategy--returning to resources that put you in a more non-judgmental, accepting mindset on a regular basis. Just this morning I was writing up some materials exploring how our judgements about ourselves lead to strong emotions like shame or guilt which then become another obstacle we must overcome to start and complete our task.

Amen! 53 here - hardcore procrastinator stuck between fear of failure and fear of success! Just started grad school this September - a religious experience lol. Definitely out of my comfort zone!

I wish i would have support from my parents.. But im too afraid to tell them that a lot of things going on, the fear of letting them down could also be the reason i procastinate.. I was an over achiever and finally that much pride exhaust me.. Here i am trying to reset my mindset and be more forgiving to myself and define my own happiness.. And that excitement is starting to come back.. I guess we need to forgive ourselves and not to project our fear to other people, lets move forward with positive attitude.. Celebrate your relationship with your children as much as you can, and appreciate the most little effort they made, and just grow together with them.. You guys going to have different pace but im sure it will head to somewhere beautiful..

@@Alzenaish Hi! I understand that telling your parents how you feel can be dreadful, but my experience they won't love you any less that they did before. If they are startled, it's not because of you being a complete disappointment, but because they care. They come from a generation where emotional intelligence and communication wasn't something commonly taught or accesible, and they are often trying to do the best with the bad they have been given. You got this! If anything, you're struggles have helped you to be more thoughful and strive to live a more fulfilled live. That's amazing! Let's celebrate it by being more kind with ourselves. Just keep in mind that you're worth it, simply because you exist, and that's enough.

We all Struggling with procrastination and our self worth

Try to read Qur'an; there's one and only universal God in this world. May Allah guide you

Thank you for your kind words, Jobba! That you and others have found the talk useful is the most important thing. I believe there is a deep truth in self-worth theory which I learned from my mentor. But, not everyone is in a position at any given time to take in and benefit from useful messages. I'm so glad you are, and that is to your credit.

@@nicvoge2234 sir.. I think you need to start your own channel... Your video was making way more sense than any other video on this topic. Thanks for this video.

@@nihitshrivastava2502 I agree. Your simple way of explaining a huge problem really changed my perspective on procrastination. I would definitely watch your channel if you made one.

@@nihitshrivastava2502 Thanks. If I were to start a channel, what would you and others benefit from hearing about?

@@nicvoge2234 sir, what you mainly have on UKposts are basically motivational speakers and people with good video editing skills. Nobody gets to the psychology of the problem. Like for example, before I was using all sorts of motivation, techniques suggested by websites/gurus etc. Now I simply know the trick that all you have to do.. is to stop your irrational fear of failure.. or atleast I'm able to dig deeper into my problems. My efficiency in the last 3 days has increased. Would definitely give you a follow up report after a month.. may be you can use it as some data.. So my suggestion would be taking up other problems and making us understand that how the brain works in these situations. Also I believe your experience and expertise can't be just summarized in a 20 min video... You can elaborate on this video for starters.. and how we can wrap our heads around over our insecurities related to fear of failures. I have send this video to my friends and got a positive response from everyone.. these are my thoughts and would love to listen to you if you make more videos.. thanks..

That's literally what happened to me this year.

@@Shravan_pi we’re all in the same boat man. Just be aware of what is happening when you procrastinate, and use the community/people as your motivation to succeed. Do what you want to do because it will make their lives better.

@@Shravan_pi I think you and I have been Procrastinating for too long and we have now become what is "Chronic Procrastinators". Its become a habit along with our Perfectionist trait. I think its gonna take a bit of time to get productive again. Don't push too hard or you'll be back to ground zero. Good luck to you, comrade.

Half blind people pressing the wrong button?

The truth touched them

I've done that by mistake several times when simply trying to acces the main page of the one who posted the video, on mobile. Good thing I noticed and was able to undo it.

There are people who believe people who procrastinate simply don't have the mental fortitude, self discipline etc. to get work done. Basically they're either just not good enough or aren't trying hard enough.

@@wolfferoni I think that sums up the content of this vid perfectly

So, glad it was helpful, Emily. My mentor spent decades doing research to unravel the motivational puzzle of procrastination and explain it--and other motivational dynamics. I'm just translating his work.

I need this to make a final move on something I’m helping someone out with but half of me just wants to take a long nap and dust it off in the morning. I’ll see how I feel after another coffee.

So glad this was helpful. You say it so well! Compassion directed toward ourselves allows us to truly introspect and not merely judge ourselves. When we introspect with the aim of understanding we can gain insight and, often, even further compassion. Harsh judgements leading to feelings of guilt and shame may activate or energize us (through anger or fear) but they are not sustainable motivations that propel our best work and definitely do not contribute to feelings of accomplishment and worth. The antidote to powerful counter-motivations (like when you feel fear about writing and submitting your proposal) is to look inward and to identify the powerful approach motives that you feel (curiosity, interest about the topic, the desire to make an impact on the world, our desire to explore and grow and other positive reasons) and bring them to mind, keep them in mind so they influence your feelings and intention in the moment of writing. Another helpful strategy is to imagine not your ultimate reader of your proposal, but instead a supportive, welcoming reader that you can imagine would want to read your proposal. For instance, maybe you have a friend who is also interested in the topic or a family member. They are not experts and won't be overly critical judges of the text. Start with them in mind and write to them as your sole audience. Once you have a draft, then go back through it adapting for your purposes and for the ultimate expert audience with particular terminology, adding citations, etc. Much easier to write it in these "layers". Pay it forward. All the best to you. Nic

@Murilo Perrone This is a useful description of what self-worth theory of achievement reveals about the underlying dynamics of procrastination which, as you suggest, many of us are not fully aware of. Gaining awareness of WHY we are avoiding, what's motivating us TO avoid (it's not merely that we are not motivated to engage in the activity or task), and seeing that this is understandable from a certain of view, is crucial to making long-term changes. I would point out that our avoidance can be about BOTH the performance and our sense of self-worth. They are not mutually exclusive. In fact, for many the recognition that they are fearful of how their performance will be evaluated can obstruct or conceal a deeper dynamic--namely, that we are ALSO protecting our sense of worth. For those who love the field they work in, they are often confused by their avoidance. They may love physics or playing guitar, yet put off preparing for a performance (e.g. an exam or recital) and even 'feel' at those times that they don't like these things. They are often feeling fear in the moment, associated with the implications or meanings to their sense of who they are, their capabilities and their worth. These considerations, the desire to protect these established meanings, can motivate us even more powerfully than our enjoyment or music or physics and even more than our desire to achieve goals, be successful, etc. Without looking deeper our actions appear nonsensical, perplexing and we often judge them and ourselves harshly leading to guilt and shame, which further obscure our ability to clearly see the dynamics operating. Looking beneath the surface with a stance of gentle curiosity can help us see new things and see ourselves in new ways which allow us to see new possibilities. Best of luck to you

Dude I'm literally doing that rn at the time of writing this wtf

Haha true.

Lol yes!

Thank you, Tommy. Every human being needs and wants to protect oneself. Perhaps some want to sabotage their sense of self, but that does not ring true to me. If we can all find ways to both protect our self-concept while taking the risks necessary to achieve our goals and avoid self-sabotage, then we will have adhered to the message from Nelson Mandela at the end of the talk.

It's a more useful way to frame it

Google knows in a couple of decades nobody needs parents anymore

Lamar, there is some research evidence to support your point. It is sad that some, perhaps many, people have been raised this way. If those who love and care for us communicate that our performance/achievement is what justifies their care/love of us, it is not surprising that we would learn to associate or equate our worth--what is valuable or lovable about ourselves--to our success. We could also learn that failing means to be unlovable or unloved which explains why people feel such great fear about failing on a task. What is at stake for them is not merely the grade, and what that means for their future (which should not be minimized), but also the esteem and care of others.

Basically Asian parents...

Not Asian, but still experienced this.

I can relate to that.

Yeah... I understand (in my brain) that's wrong, but I really can't get rid of that thought pattern

Glad it was helpful. Good luck with the presentations and grad school admissions!

Detached Laconian, this is a very nice overview. I might simply add that procrastination, by virtue of being so widespread, can be understood as entirely normative and predictable (though not inevitable) in contexts where we are judged and so we shouldn't feel ashamed about it. Instead we can accept our dual, competing motivations as understandable, and seek to analyze them and use our knowledge to direct our motivations toward aims that are truly valuable to us, while also seeking to bolster our sense of worth by striving to act and interact in ways aligned with our values--not entirely through achievements.

@@nicvoge2234 Thanks for the kind and honest feedback! I think I ignored the comforting parts of the talk because I have another equation in my head: true = hurtful I have edited my original comment.

@@TuringMachine001 Wow. That is a deep insight about another equation in your mind which you have made about yourself. I understand that and can see where it comes from in my own life.

Thank you so much for doing this

@@fauziaadzelia3594 Glad to be of help! Take good care.

Starting college in January. I will definitely be using this technique thank you!

You are welcome! From this perspective, indeed they are. If we hold beliefs that our performance is equivalent to our worth as a person and that our performance is primarily due to innate ability, we can see that the stakes of not being 'perfect' (brilliant, excellent, a genius) are much higher than simply the task itself. What's at stake is our self-concept, which motivates us to seek "perfection" in order to protect that sense of self. If you've not heard the phrase "effortless perfection" (ie low effort, high ability explanation of performance) you might want to look it up as it may give you additional insight. Keep striving to understand--and accept--yourself as I believe, that is the path to a meaningful life.

add a dash of high IQ

Ditto. If I’m doing something for you it might well take a while if I’m trying to perfect every detail, which is usually the case. Daily life stuff coming and doing its thing doesn’t help, either, and it’s like that most of the time. Superficially all these variables just look like excuses but there’s a lot more heavy-lifting-and-grunting going on than I’d ever let on. I’ve never been fantastic at the art of time management per se but I have more than enough spontaneous ability to push through. I feel bad for keeping the other person waiting for so long if I’m helping them out but sometimes the longer things marinate the better the final result.

Ikrr

Thanks, Annie. I'm glad it was helpful. I'm not familiar with that resource, but I will check it out.

@@nicvoge2234 :)

@@nicvoge2234 You're my hero Nic Voge!

@@anthonygomez8488 Thanks, Anthony! I learned almost all of this from my mentor, Marty Covington. He's the brilliant thinker (and wonderful person) who figured this stuff out through research. Glad to pay it forward.

Hi Annie. Your overcoming procrastination is lasting? if so, I guess your life has changed a lot during all these months.

You've made an important insight, Karima. Deadlines don't get you started (though they may still function to help you finish). So, you can ask, What helps me get started--or MIGHT help me? Similarly, you can ask yourself, what prevents me from getting started? These initial open-ended brainstorming questions should be answered not practically, but with as many possible ideas as possible. Would a million dollars get you started? Why? If the fate of the world depended on getting started, would you? If once you finished, you travelled to your dream destination, would you get started? If you could not fail, would you get started? If you could change the task in any way you want to so that you'd more likely get started, what would you change? If you worked with a particular person, would you get started. By doing this kind of thinking you might actually find a realistic way to get started. You might also, by reflecting and examining these examples, learn something about what gets you started and what blocks you. You might be able to use that knowledge derived from an unrealistic example to generate a realistic approach. Try it and let me know what you come up with.

While it may not feel like it and you may not, immediately, be able to recognize it, this state of affairs affords a unique opportunity. Fear of "failing" and other aversive motivations that would appear to have worked in the past no longer do. If avoidant motivations don't work, then you are left with tapping into approach motives--or increasing aversive motivations. Try making an exhaustive list of all the reasons you can think of for starting, engaging and completing the task, then identify the ones that are most powerful for you. Focus on those reasons to increase your activation energy for getting started, staying engaged and completing the task. This does not prevent you from doing more practical things like creating a schedule, etc. but complements them.

Thanks. Internalizing 2) will definitely lead to 1). Whether your professors think this way or not, you can continue to approach your learning and your life in this way.

So glad to hear this, Ellen. Best of luck to you going forward with your new insight.

@@nicvoge2234 same here. Thank you 🙏 you are already achieving your goal of reducing the suffering of students. Thank you for this knowledge and for your vulnerability in sharing your own experiences, it is inspiring for me 🙏

Yes, a simple yet powerful quote which captures something deep about the human condition and how to work with our natural, understandable fears and our motivating hopes!

Glad you found that strategy useful. I think it works for precisely the reason you state. Pressure to perform (especially at unreasonably exacting levels) creates aversion or motivation NOT to do thing. Seeing these tasks as experiments is often simply more accurate and lowers the obstacles to trying new things, taking risks, investing ourselves, etc. that not only lead to doing the tasks well, but also enjoying them more.

I need pressure to actually get started

So glad to know that--thanks for telling me! You've helped me achieve my mission. I hope you achieve yours.

Then how did you get rid from this?

I'm glad to know this was helpful and brought you some relief. Pay it forward, Priya. All the best to you. Nic

Thanks, David. I'm glad you found it valuable. Best of luck, Nic

Thanks so much. The research by my mentor, Marty Covington, has been truly ground breaking and helps us understand what, on the surface, is perplexing behavior of procrastination.

@@nicvoge2234 Excellent insight. I would also add that I'm now able to differentiate between avoidance procrastination, and just lack of stimulation for tasks that are low reward (ex: filing taxes)

@@markhou Well put! Those are two different kinds of avoidance. One is active avoidance, the other is more like "neglect" nothing is propelling or compelling us toward a task with low rewards and low appeal. I will use your example going forward. I think it will help people gain greater sensitivity to their own internal motivational dynamics, which is a key part of overcoming procrastination. Thank you.

@@nicvoge2234 Beautiful! Your presentation hits home for someone who was labeled as a good student, showered with extrinsic motivation in high school, and then felt completely overwhelmed in college!

@@markhou I understand how that history, those messages you received, can lead to procrastination! I think that is a common pattern at Princeton and Berkeley, where I've worked, and probably other colleges, too. Students often bring with them expectations instilled in them by others about how they 'should' perform in college that are, in fact, unrealistic in this new often far more rigorous and competitive context, and thus set us up for disappointment and even shame. If being the best, setting the curve, getting all A's or being the valedictorian is the standard and expectation students at these institutions have internalized, then obviously most will not meet them in college and it one can expect there can be significant psychological reactions if one associates their worth as a person to academic attainment, as many highly motivated students do. It can be a heavy burden to carry others' expectations and our concern about meeting them can create anxiety and avoidance. When I work with students encountering these feelings I often ask if they are known in their home community as "the kid who went to Princeton". In every instance, I believe, they have said yes. I point out that this is an additional demand--beyond the course work and their own expectations--that they are dealing with, another kind of cognitive load. If you are worrying that you will let down your community if you don't do well in your pre-med classes, for instance, then you aren't entirely attending to the concepts and skills you need to learn for the class. In fact, your attention is divided between biology or whatever and how others will think of you, etc. That's entirely, understandable, but really unhelpful. Once we are aware that we are carrying these expectations and they are affecting our moment to moment experience, we can begin to notice and gain control of them. I can say, "I'm thinking about what (put name here) will think if I don't (put expectation here). but that isn't helpful, and it's probably not even true. They know college is different and hard, and they'd understand and probably would want to help me because they care about me." Anticipating other people's negative reactions to us is a very common mental trap or distortion and often inaccurate. We're effectively trying to read other's minds. Better to stay in reality whenever possible.

Thanks, Lynn. Best of luck in your efforts to be an impactful professor. It might be surprising to know, but I was extremely nervous during this talk. One way to manage that for me is to focus on simply being helpful for the audience. Get out of my head and how I appear and just focus on effectively communicating and being responsive to the people in front of me. I had to really work hard on this because since high school I had a huge fear of public speaking. In fact, in high school I went up to the lectern to give my coach an award on behalf of my team and I was so nervous that when I started to talk no words came out, just a squeak! When I became a teacher i got more skilled and so became more calm. As I got more practice giving presentations, I got more comfortable in front of audiences. But, giving a "TED Talk" really got into my head and maybe anxious. I had to use all my skills just to manage my nervousness. I say all this to show that we can, with practice and by adding specific skills, become less anxious and more comfortable in front of others. For me, it was mainly about being less self-conscious and focusing less on me and focusing more on simply effectively conveying a message.

@@nicvoge2234 OMG i never thought u would see my comment and reply🫣 I seriously mean it i can tell u are entirely focusing on the topics everything relevant but yourself, and even did ur own experiment on urself, u were trying to find the middle ground connecting the ideas and others' reality, seriously it's the only talk i've seen in years could made me feel both informative and understanding, most of speakers somehow alienate audiences to establish the sense of authority unintentionally, some even lack of belief in their topics, u r different truly, I can only assume that's the reason u mentioned in both the comment and the speech. There should be more professors like u in this world. Thank you for you content~ truly inspiring just wanna say

You say it well, Kim. Our need for self-preservation, our need for acceptance and belonging are often the root causes for the difficult emotions and worrisome thoughts that lead to agitation, loss of focus and a tendency toward avoidance which we can see if we introspect on our thoughts and feelings. Accepting ourselves, being compassionate to ourselves as we are to those we care about is, indeed, a crucial step. But, even if that is not currently possible for someone, there are steps to take to get unstuck, take actions, move toward valued ends and complete tasks. The experience of this process can actually help us be more accepting and feel more empowered. Thinking in terms of doing that ONE thing (not ALL) we value today can help us get started (make it small). And do the same tomorrow. And the day after. Best of luck to you, Kim, Be well.

Glad that self-worth theory has added to your obviously extensive thinking about the human condition--and your own. Be well.

Yes! These are key points. This need motivates many of our actions, decisions and contributes to our thoughts and feelings.

So, happy I was helpful, Stephanie. Glad to know it helped you see a path forward.

So, glad it was helpful and that you are acting on it. All the best--Nic

@@nicvoge2234 WOW It's really you 🤯 It was a great speech! Thanks a lot

Interesting, Luan. Tim Ferriss went to Princeton. But, more to the point, understanding your fears--the obstacles to your goals--and the deep meanings they have about your sense of self is really important if you are going to overcome them and succeed. So, I would agree, introspect, uncover your fears and unpack them to understand WHY they are threatening. Such self-knowledge is at least as important as goal setting, I would argue.

Congratulations! You did it! You're awesome!

That's really cool, got any tips for an up-and-coming web developer?

I'm so glad you found it valuable, Flavius. It is a different perspective than is commonly discussed. I think a self-worth theory explanation adds to and does not necessarily replace others. To me self-worth theory gets at deeper, underlying reasons.

Nic Voge exactly! Solving fundamental problems is definitely necessary to get bigger problems solved. Thank you for this speech!

So glad this talk was helpful, Sandra. You've said it so well. I had a similar reaction when I learned about Self-worth theory and the research of Professor Marty Covington.