TheSucculentSquirrel this is a bit rude actually. I don’t like or agree with this. It makes me think you’re not autistic and therefore I’m probably going to discount most of this opinion... it ain’t fact - you just don’t get it. I understand your point completely and can agree to an extent - we force ourselves be sociable and amicable to create relationships to survive because if we don’t, we won’t. It’s simple as. But we are not socially disabled. We’re just other. I can socialise super well with other people on the spectrum and my non-asd friends socialise perfectly fine with other neurotypicals. It’s the crossing of the two that starts to bend things and suddenly I’m the one that has to adjust my behaviour - why? Why don’t they ever have to adjust theirs? I’m seen as the “weird” one. So they have the divine right to ostracise me? Didn’t think so. Neurotypical people need to fix THEIR disability. Society only has to be a little bit understanding, and everyone will get along just fine. Suicide rates will plummet, im telling you.

Yeah, this is totally on point. As for the person responding I as someone with Autism take offense. Maybe I dont want any friends who cant accept the true me.

@TheSucculentSquirrel you might want to search for a paper with the title "Autistic peer-to-peer information transfer is highly effective" - it might change some of those ideas. there's other research out there that suggests it's more common for neurotypicals to reject interaction with autistic people based on first impressions than the other way around

@@eilzmo hey, we all have our own opinions, I don't see this as rude, while it may not be the "right way" of living! Fitting in, being "normal" however you see that part, it is the sad truth of the world we live in, definitely don't be a sell out all the time and push away your own natural ways, but expecting ALL the typical thinking people in this world to see things that way couldn't never happen and that's the demise of humanity.. back to day to day life, this quote is spot on bluntly truthful in my eyes.. act and speak as raw as we think and only US will take the beating of being odd thinking weird, too deep etc.. exactly as said, ESPECIALLY when you're dealing with people who don't yet understand much about you.

@@omardelmar I wish it would be so easy. Depending on how much you differ from normal, you alienate a lot of people. Sure, autism and other diagnoses tend to lead to lonesome lifes, even if we personal don't care too much about that, sometimes its lonely. Everyone needs someone from time to time, its freaking hard to be alone the most part of your life. (This is my opinion, but i would say i was lonely most of my life, i am sick of it, and also sick of masking. Its double edged.) Anyway, have a good Day Omar

I am 59 and have managed to work as a software developer for 30 years but the pain has become too much to cope with. 30 years ago I managed it by spending most of my time self medicated; which, brought a whole new set of problems but at least I could work. Now, I don't drink. Now I am an angry, difficult employee that abhors everything about my job in tech industry. The pretentious coworkers, the lying, the unrealistic demands, the lies, .... I can smell a toxic co-worker from day 1 on the job and I can't move past it. I feel that I must leave my job because it disables me more than anything else I can think of and it is where I expend my best energy and that makes me sick.

Hear hear. Would love to be able to communicate with many of the commenters here. Wish some of these would come with a signup list in the comments.

I feel you Sidney 🙏💚

That’s why I work as a cleaner on my own. I have a degree and speak two languages fluently, but I cannot work in a team, negotiating, and just generally seem neurotypical. Makes me sick, and I had to leave my job.

Yeah "neurotypicals" have such different experiences than overpriviledge pampered people who think wearing glasses means theybgo through the same things as blind people

Isn't that what we all want in the grand scheme of things?

@@sharonjensen3016 Facts

Quite similar in a lot of ways to what I like to call high energy autistics

I hear you! I also have recently been diagnosed with ADHD and find the similarities with autism quite interesting!

Same here here, ElsskaBa. Despite my comment above, there does come a point where you can't keep blaming yourself and that you have a legitimate right to say certain people need some accommodations.

She relates to me the most. For a while I pondered why children are seen often as a blessing or a curse. My mother always told me I was the blessing, never see the person who raised me. I see myself in the one who raised me. Because they helped me see both perspectives, which allowed me to raise myself.

God

Felt this

Amazing video, thank you so much. You’ve helped me so much! ♥️🦋

:

Same. It was like someone read all my thoughts and talked them through her lips. So it was odd. But in a good way. I’ve never known relief like this

Yessss. Cried as well.

Yes

Yes, it’s like finally having the answer key to a test that you didn’t know that you were taking.

Her descriptions about everyday situations in the video just felt TOO familiar. I wish I had the courage to send this to my friends but I don't because I'm not diagnosed and therefore too afraid to assume anything by myself.

Very true !

Definitely

EyeShotFirst what you say here resonates with me a lot. I’m nearly 28 and keep seeing 30 coming closer and closer and a lot over the last 4 or 5 months I catch myself thinking to myself, I’m nearly 28 and I don’t know who I am. I have no idea what I’m aiming for in life. I’m nearly 28 so why do I still sometimes have [what I no longer but have long believed to be] tantrums? I’m nearly 28 and I’m never going to grow up. But having watched x number of women standing on a ted talks stage describing the myriad ways in which life is that much more challenging to them, I finally feel belonging. I see kindred spirits and finally, at long last, people that might GET me. It’s weird. And I dunno whether I want to push for a formal diagnosis - will it help or hinder me? I hope you find whatever answers you are looking for, friend. :)

@@eilzmo I've been conversing with other autistic people, and I think it's helped me understand myself and also forgive myself for things I considered inadequacies. I don't know what a formal diagnosis would do for you, aside from the confirmation. Whether or not that gives you comfort or a cursed label is subjective. I think we're all different, but I definitely think you should reach out via chat groups, social media, even games will have groups for autistic people. A lot of times, you'll feel like you're talking to yourself. I heard it described as feeling like an alien most of your life, and finally finding what planet you come from and that there are others who speak your language. We try to pass for normal so long, it's so easy for us to slip through the cracks. Most of my coping mechanisms, ticks, etc...I would force myself to stop doing when I was in school, and that's when my grades went down the toilet. Teachers and family just thought I didn't care. In fact, they still don't think I care. It's just I can't fake normal for very long, before I get unwound. You tug on rubber long enough, it'll snap. I used to be so outgoing before the anxiety. Before enough people pointed out how different I was. I've had to hold back tears and avoid dealing with strangers, because I feel like sometimes they can see through the facade, especially once they've insulted me in some way. I'm a grown man, who wears armor made of paper.

Eilzmo I turn 40 next year female Aspie and I think I’ve just started to figure out what I want in life

I'm with you on this.

Same here. I’m turning 30 this year and have always felt like an alien, overworking myself to be perceivable as normal. This video hit home.

I feel the exact same way.

this a 100%

Yeah, its common. This is me also, diagnosed at age 48 or so. I had no idea I was in the autistic closet. I suffered a lot of anxiety and depression, and I noticed that when I was at home I felt awful, but if I went out in public I almost immediately felt better, but not always. It confused me because I didn't like it most of the time, sometimes it backfired and I got embarrassed because I'd have to flee, or I knew I looked anxious and weird. I didn't know I was overstimulated. Didn't know I was pretending that I felt normal enough to just try and pass as "one of them", and I spent decades trying to "fix myself". I don't think I once genuinely felt better doing this, because it was always just small bursts, and I'd even go to therapy and the therapist told me I seemed fine and presented well. Then I'd go home and think "why didn't I tell him x??" Even that took me years to realize I wasn't sharing anything genuine. I just kept trying. Neurotypical mental health, I'm convinced, is harmful to divergent ppl. I watched a video with Natalie Englebrecht and her partner Martin where they talked about this. They suggested looking back at your life and reframing it from the lens of autism. So like I have adhd and asd and an attachment disorder. When I was in school I was physically assaulted by an annoyed teacher because I couldn't stay present long enough to get through a page of math. Back then I internalized it as there must be something wrong with me and I somehow deserve to be mistreated and looked down upon. I fairly early on came to understand this was so wrong of her. But I still had a feeling that I didn't measure up or deserved to be mistreated. But now I have a lot of compassion for a confused, hurt, downtrodden little 7 year old who was scared, overwhelmed, disconnected and incapable of functioning the way the others did. The year before Mrs Brown and the year after, I had two kind and compassionate teachers who I functioned much better with. I do not function well with demanding, authoritarian type people. The world is set up for neurotypicals, I used to say. But I don't think its even set up for them. Its set up to keep them, most of them, functioning at the very edge of their abilities, and those who are a little weaker are labeled with neuroses. But I don't think they even realize it, unlike autistic ppl who are often acutely aware something is wrong. If you can find those points that you've been conditioned to think are your personal weak points and reframe them from the perspective of understanding how autism works, that might help you figure out where you might need a little self care and acceptance. If you find the wounded points, it might help you recognize the ways you try to hide them. Self acceptance is so important. We autistic people seem to get a lot of flack for being authentic, and it doesn't even take all that much for some of us to flee into masking mode, because a lot of us are also extra sensitive. Because of abusive interactions we become extra perceptive of other people's attitudes. Of course we hide. I've heard a lot of people say they choose to mask in certain situations or with certain ppl, because its just easier to get through the situation, so the damage is short term and it helps them get through the discomfort quicker. Natalie Englebrecht also discovered later in life she was autistic, and said that she's been masking for so long, some things have become part of her identity. Like she genuinely likes people and doesn't want them to suffer, whereas Martin is less sympathetic and would prefer to just walk away from someone he's having an uncomfortable interaction with. So its all in the framing I guess. Maybe you keep some of what started out as masking but now feels comfortable. That doesn't have to be a personal failing if you don't frame it that way. It also helps if you become more in touch with the sensations in your body, because your body won't lie if you are in distress the way your brain will. ummm.... I've done a lot of therapy LOL both with neurotypical and neurodivergent practitioners. I can tell you I progressed more with a divergent therapist in 2-3 years than I did in 27 years of non-divergent-aware neurotypical ppl trying to "fix me". Mostly I think it was me trying to do the fixing though. Self acceptance is a golden nuget if you can attain it.

I'm in the exact same boat as you at 31. Listening to a lot of late-diagnosed neurodiverse people has helped me realize that what you're feeling is normal. Despite knowing that, I still feel fraudulent sometimes because there are still autistic traits I don't relate to in the same way as other autistic people, but I keep reminding myself that all autistic people are different. I also relate to not really knowing what's a mask and what isn't. I only recently learned I'm autistic so I suspect it will take many years of getting to know my true self.

Same here; I was diagnosed recently at 53. I'm not sure who I actually am and which bits of me are the mask anymore.

Same here! I'm 32 and have been in a severe burnout this past year. It's what's led to me realizing I'm autistic. For so long I tried to act normal too, yet inwardly felt there was something inherently wrong with me. It's been blowing my mind to know we're not alone 🥺 I hope you get answers, validation and understanding.

Me too... 28.... self diagnosed from the internet and having to fight doctors just to assess me. I hear you. Deeply. Thank you for sharing

Although, if you really ..”never minded the work that went into relationships; supporting yourself; holding down an office job,” you most likely do not have autism as that is contrary to the main symptoms of it. Thank you for watching and having an open heart 💜 I do hope you find or have found the answers you were seeking on your journey. Peace be with you.

My son was late diagnosis as well, me at 59. Explains so much. Grateful to have stumbled across this beautiful person ♥️

Me too, aged 63

Me too, 58 🙃🇬🇧🙏🏼

I can relate. I’m 62, undiagnosed and finally discovering myself.

@@59Carlota Finally forgiving myself would be my frase.

🙋🏻‍♀️ Teach her to love her "weirdness" and that she's different, not broken. I wasn't diagnosed until I was 34 and it changed my entire life.

yo!?

Just wanted to say that ur an amazing mom. That’s all she needs.

She will be able to navigate life because she will have absorbed love and acceptance for herself through you ....she is blessed having you for her mum or dad 😊

Well said ✨

Sending love to you!! You are not alone.❤️

Wonderful you were diagnosed after all these years, living andwondering who knows. That's the oldest I have heard anybody being diagnosed, before this it had been early 60s. Better late than never.

I was diagnosed recently in my early 50s. I understand now why I have got fired so many times

Me too. Diagnosed at age 48 I think. Lots of years of feeling alone, I can relate. Now, some days I do and some days I don't, but I wouldn't trade my divergent brain even if I could. I think our brains are wonderful. Congrats on your diagnosis, and lots of love to you

Same with me. I am 46 and figured it out when I was doing research because I suspected that my 21 year old had more than ADHD…I was right. He has a textbook case of ASD. I don’t understand how it was missed. My youngest son started high school and all of his struggles intensified, they had been getting worse for years. He switched doctors and was diagnosed with ASD..twice. By two different profession groups. Then I took a good long look at myself with my new found knowledge and my entire life made a lot more sense.

Same here I was recently diagnosed and this made me way more comfortable with it

She just made me scared. Only 9% get married.

I don't have severe autism but I still like some people

@@valurhvalur3711 dont let marriage be what defines success or satisfaction or happiness, that like many other things is subjective and mutable person to person

Indeed, bless you Jolene for sharing your life experience.Recent diagnosis at 72 I'm finally at peace with who I was born to be. Wahine toa, but extremely vulnerable around my edges, was always conflicted with this so called anomaly. I finally feel comfortable walking in the shoes my God intended for me. Aroha mai aroha atu.

Autism is worth looking into for a diagnosis. ADHD and Autism are often co-morbid

Same here. I’ve heard it can cost thousands of dollars to get a diagnosis. What state are you in? I’m in FL.

my prayers with you .. i can understand..

I was diagnosed late in life too. I was always classed as the problem child and was unable to use my higher functioning ideas and inventions. Always being called mad because they don't understand these ideas, but I didn't know that people who did understand me were also Autistic and most of them have recently been diagnosed with autism.

42 for me, i was angry at first.

Me too

@@TCArtStudio poor you, but remember that what ever diagnosis, from a to z and white a few undiagnosed might Also surfer from anxiety and deppression, its not easy, but its not ONLY autistcs WHO does so, perhaps er all vet a little more autistic suffering..

Er, how does she get the tags out without cutting the seam please?

My Mother learned to drive at 50 and I don't drive, but I work, and I've been married 35 years. we do not fit a Niche. This woman fell pray to stereotyping us just like everyone else. The establishment already thinks it's a white male problem. Which is clearly Bull. Remember we don't think like they do so why do we keep turning to them for diagnosis?

High functioning is actually being redefined because it creates ableism. Please do more research.

You can adapt parts of your life without a diagnosis. You probably already have, but can do more

Thank God for the liquor aisle , nobody is ever really there so I know I can get to one side of the other store with no problems

Same here. I'm shaking in stress "how to go for diagnosis if they can say I'm not autistic..."... And collecting money too.

I've read that that is a common feeling. And some doctors have very oldfashioned ideas about autism. Trust yourself My diagnostician said "we can't help autistics with medication, but the more you understand about autism, the easier your life will be". And for me, that is true

Same here GreatGarlic. I tried so hard all my life to fit in, until I had a burn out at age 50 and was diagnosed 3 years later. Getting to know myself now and learning my needs. I noticed that when I decide to mask less and be more myself, I have no more cravings for drinks. Being with other people who are as weird as me is such a relief and feels much more natural as trying to fit into mainstream society. To Jolene: Thanks so much for this talk!

You're not alone. And not alone in crying, either...

Grocery shopping is VERY difficult for autistics! Congrats on manageing that! You are not like the majority of people (some even LIKE shopping 😰). Learn about autism and adapt your life as far as you can. You do not need a diagnosis for that, just a library or the internet. And then you still have 80 years to enjoy 😘.

@@michellecd4722 wanting a diagnosis is possibly so that help can come from the right source and in the right way. I saw a counselor when I was in my 20's and it was completely humiliating, he didn't get it at all, in fact he appeared to find it all quite amusing and really I should have been allocated a woman, preferably one with more life experience. I am not sure I'd want a label, but would like to be counseled by someone who really understands what it's like

@@michellecd4722 I am undiagnosed in my mid 40s, but 100% sure i'm on the spectrum, as so much of what I've read and learned from videos like this one resonate very strongly with me. I am also mystified about why professionals shy away from making a diagnosis. I am so relieved to think there are a whole bunch of people who feel just like me and experience the world in a similar way to me. Now I know our name, I know how to find the others. Before that, I just felt weird and alone and no amount of counselling and trying to accept who I am could take that away. It's frustrating that professionals take the decision that it's for our best we don't know the name of our condition. It is such a weight off for me to have a label. I no longer feel weird. I feel I can hold my head up high as I am one of a crowd of really interesting people, who just happen to perceive things differently to the majority of people. Far from using my label to feel helpless, I can use it to find out how others like me handle living in a world set up for non-autistic people. Far from feeling like a victim because of my label, all odd and alone, it is empowering to know that I am normal.. for an autistic person. I am unique, as we all are, but I am also - at last - normal!

My issue with being diagnosed later in life is that doesn't take away anything or freedoms you from responsibility. I'm still required to do the work I can't understand, I'm still required to pay rent, support my family.... the late diagnosis tells me what and why... but It does not change any of the consequences that there will be if I simply meltdown or burn down due to my inability to process a new task or information. 😞

@@griseldaosorio9664 it sounds like you could use more support in your life, I hope and pray that God sends some your way 💖🙏🏼🌺

@@winterlite3243 thank you, I hope so too 🤗🙏🙏

Yes

@@Dancestar1981 I was told that I was mad by social services for telling them this. The SS usually have no knowledge or training of Autism and make terrible life changing decisions based on their ignorance. We need more Autistic social workers. I spoke to experts in autism about energy and how it has now been proved that humans project their energy fields to around 2 meters, they laughed and I git nervous. They said that the SS should go on their course and this is one of the subjects that proves we are more sensitive to natural energy. Maybe we have better connection to the universe than NTs?!?

J Film because we struggle with skills NTs deem essential its an innate self preservation ability a bit like instinct in animals. We should learn to trust it as it will help protect us from those who wish to harm us.

I now listen to red flags, i used to just accept being uncomfortable and staying around people that felt yuck to me. Took 40 plus years to get there.

Ive always been sensitive to energy fields, and other peoples agendas, they can hide anything from me.

Mary, I'm 68 yrs. old and finally know why I think, act, & feel as I do. Knowing has not freed me, but knowing I'm high-functioning autistic, has given me an understanding of my history, and for that I have some gratitude. Thanks for posting here.

maybe i can help you ..