so happy to say that this episode is only 5:30 minutes long. a weird decision on the part of the creators, but i appreciate the happy ending nonetheless.

Maybe the real ritual was the trauma we got along the way

I can't help but be reminded of a Q/A question just after season 2 ended. "Is everyone going to be okay?" Jon, leaning into the mic: "NO."

“Hello Jon, apologies for the deception.” I just fucking died. These two bros are trying to live together away from all this bullshit and suddenly a mf forces you to end the world.

PEAK GAY IS TELLING YOUR PARTNER ALL THE GOOD COWS YOU SEE

Remember when we all wondered what the ritual of the eye would look like and we jokingly said it would be reading a statement? Haha good times

I love how we get these Big Bads and they all just agree on being afraid of Gertrude

Wait, why is Elias explaining the plan to Jon, won't that help him find a way to--- Elias: "Now repeat after me." ...oh

im still laughing at "the desolation killed my cat"

people just now listening: i want you to picture the agony that came with finishing this episode then realizing the next one was *six months away*

So Gertrude is the John Wick of the Archives

I literally, LITERALLY, went down to the comments at 5:38 to say how nice it was to hear them sounding so happy and okay, then roughly fifteen seconds passed and I backspaced everything as my smile withered and died

Are you telling me Tim's dead for nothing bc the Unknowing would've fail anyway-

Oh man, you can *hear* him trying to resist in the beginning of the statement, after he realizes who it is, and it is beautiful.

WHY COULDN'T YOU LET THEM BE HAPPY FOR MORE THAN LITERALLY 5 MINUTES I'M IN PAIN

When I heard the part where 'Elias' said that the reason Gertrude went down this path was because the Desolation killed her cat, I fucking got on my knees and started hailing Gertrude as the one true queen. Like, amen to that sister! Go slay these bitches for your furbaby!

God the happiness in the beginning... You can HEAR the contented smile in Jon's voice as he says goodbye to Martin and reads the statement intro. His happy little "audio recording by Jonathan Sims. The Archivist :)"

pretty sure this is the best plot twist i've ever experienced. all the pieces were set up, i had even been suspicious about a few things that hinted towards it, but eventually I came to assume that those threads simply didn't have an explanation. but NOPE, it all led up to this. they really sniped my ass with this one.

"It's not everyday you get a chance to monologue through another man's voice" Elias is such a Drama King, I love this ridiculous eldritch theater nerd

Me relistening to the episode: Cottagecore boyfriends living their best life *Red bar hits the 5:30 mark * Me shutting off my computer: Well that was a great episode I'm glad they got to have their happy ending

So this is where the meme comes from. This is what caused all those "apologies for the deception Jon..." memes to surface.

tfw you just wanna get a snack and end up unleashing the apocalypse

So...did Jon just "accidentally" Weirdmageddon?

Why couldn't they just be happy and look at cows 😭

Vigilo. Audio. Supervenio. I watch. I listen. I overcome.

I feel that the most interesting part of this plan of Elias' is that it could have easily fallen apart several times. And at every point where things went wrong, a spider was always there to correct the course. Jon would have never found the tunnels if he hadn't killed that spider. Not-Sasha would never have turned up at the Institute if the power of the Spider hadn't bound it to the table. The flesh and the buried would have never have marked Jon if the spider hadn't delivered him the tape about the meat ritual. Even Jane Prentiss showing up at the Magnus Archives only happened because Martin wanted to investigate an unkillable spider. There's probably even more instances of the spider 'guiding' Jon that I'm forgetting. Elias was right about Jon from the start. The initial marking from the spider wasn't an accident. This ritual is just as much the spider's handiwork as it is the Eye's. I can't help but wonder if the web ends here, or if there's an even bigger plan devised by the Spider in the new world.

"The Desolation had killed her cat"... So Gertrude was basically the Doom Guy of the TMA universe... Awesome!

I know this is bad and all but props to jonah magnus for not half-assing his ritual and going all in on his plan, like wow that's dedication. Others out there losing their chance to some random barista or a newspaper article or some explosives and this guy out here orchestrating the apocalypse pretty much by his own self, sucks that the world is going to crap and everyone's suffering (although 2020 gave me different expectations of what that means) but wow he played it well.

I can just FEEL AND IMAGINE Alex and Jonny writing this whole episode down and be like "*laughs evilly* HAH! WE PLANNED THIS WHOLE THING FROM THE BEGINNING AND IT'S FINALLY HERE MUAHAHAHAHA" and now we're all just like 👁👄👁🤯 Also : i have a new sense of dread about this 👁 emoji....

The fact that everything that happened to Jon and the others was all planned from the start and was completely out of Jon’s control and yet he spend three entire season being bullied by everyone around him really just Really just gets to ya huh

I told you all they were going to end up in a cosy cottage in the country. How many of you believed me!?

There’s an apocalypse, but hey: at least Martins there! I really hope Martin doesn’t blame Jon, he just wanted a snack not a world of unending terror

So Jon's the frickin Avatar then huh? Only the Archive, touched my all 14 fears...

you know, when i heard "hello, Jon" i actually dropped my phone on the nearest surface available and held my hands away from it like it was cursed. fucking good writing, is what that is

Headcanon that the mark the Stranger gave him was just the silky smooth skin from the body products Nikolai had Breekon and Hope buy from Boots in MAG101

The worst part about this is the very real realization that this means that during the unknowing Tim didn't need to die and Jon didn't need to lose his humanity. It was pointless. THATS FUCKED UP MY GUY

Tim fucking died for nothing. They "saved the world " because of his heroic sacrifice and it turns out THE RITUAL NEVER WORKED?! God damn, I was mopping the floor and now I'm just... sitting here . In shock

"obviously im going to tell you if i see any good cows" i love him !

when i realized that jon is literally THE Magnus Archive i had to take a walk. IT WAS LITERALLY THE TITLE OF THE WHOLE SHOW ARE YOU KIDDING ME.

“You who watch and know and understand none. You who listen and hear and will not comprehend. You who wait and wait and drink in all that is not yours by right. Come to us in your wholeness. Come to us in your perfection! Bring all that is fear and all that is terror and all that is awful dread that crawls and chokes and blinds and falls and twists and leaves and hides and weaves and burns and hunts and rips and leads and dies! Come to us. I OPEN THE DOOR!”

*inhale* WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA I figured that those few minutes of happiness won't end well, and yet that "hello Jon, apologies for the deception" HIT ME LIKE A TRUCK. And the fact that EVERY SINGLE THING was planned all along... I applaud y'all 👏👏 The Web must be very pleased with Elias.

The ending felt like a gut punch. I have listened to this episode 5 times already.

I have never been more angry at a fictional character or despised anyone as much as Jonah Magnus in my entire life.

"I was a little put out when that idiot Jared Hopworth misinterpreted my letters and attacked the Institute too soon, before you were even out of the hospital, but then - Ho, you should have see my face when you voluntarily went to him." Okay, now I just imagine Elias-Jonah is just throwing himself a little dance party when Jon willingly did this in the prison and everyone who looks at him is like wft is up with this dude?

WHY CANT WE JUST HAVE HAD THE ENDING OF MARTIN TELLING JON ABOUT THE COWS.

Elias: Lol, it's just a prank bro. The prank:

I FEEL SO F*CKING VALIDATED, I CALLED THIS. JONAH MAGNUS TOOK CENTURIES AND IT JUST TOOK ME DELIRIOUSLY MARATHONING TO THE ARCHIVES FOR A WEEK TO SEE THAT THEY WERE ALL ONE BEING THAT COULDN'T BE PULLED THROUGH SEPARATELY. I AM SO VALIDATED RIGHT NOW YOU DONT EVEN KNOW. Also I wanna hear more about the cows ;-;.

Ppl who only listen on UKposts, how yall feeling?

It's hard to actually get a laugh out of me, but the "-Tell me if you see any good cows -OBVIOUSLY I'm going to tell you if I see any good cows!" literally made me burst out laughing. That was a good one, Mr. Sims (author). Good one indeed.

Elias explaining his entire plan and carrying out the ritual through Jon: >:) Me: >:0

-I love how much sense everything makes. No plotholes at all. I wondered why Elias reacted like that with Prentiss but now it all makes sense!! -Elias shipps them as well!! -Imagine having such a powerful monolog that you can do it through another person -"Surgery gone wrong" lmao

I love how this episode is just Jonah going "hey, hey Jon! Remember (enter traumatic experience here), that was all me baby!".

Jon was happy for a full 5 minutes. Just let him live his cottage core dreams😭

Really one of the best season finale of the podcast... Punched the air out of my lungs. Elias is hands down the best villain I've seen in a while, and even though it's not him directly speaking here, you can sense it's him anyway, pouring through Jon's voice and taking over... What a excellent acting and writing ! This ritual chant gave me goosebumps! 100/10 !!

"this episode is too sweet where's the catch?" "Hello Jon" "Ah here it is"

I don't think I've ever sat bolt upright and started backing away from my computer quite as fast as when we went from 'Statement begins' to 'Hello Jon' Wow. There have been many terrifying moments in this series, and I don't know why I was all like 'Huh okay we're just going back to nice statement reading let me relax' Also.... I'm really confident that Magnus has read the overlord manual and that concerns me deeply.

This would have been a very cool ending for the whole show, but I'm very happy that there is a season 5.

When Jon started reading the statement, i could *feel* Jonah giggling and kicking his feet

Fun fact: I performed the last bit of this statement as a monologue for a performance with my drama club. Everyone was very impressed. Thank you Mr Sims for writing the best monologue :)

24:57 start here at 11:59:03 on new year's eve and it will begin with Jon saying "now repeat after me" and at midnight it will say "I open the door". Let's start our 2021 well y'all! (based on a post found on tumblr)

(Spoilers for the end of the episode) yeah yeah I get that this episode is devastating but I love Insane Jon so much. Just,,, his maniacal laugh? pLEASE I love him.

I've never really understood when fans say an episode killed them or left them gasping, i always thought it was an exaggeration. but this episode genuinely took the air from my lungs

I have personally decided the episode was only 5:30 mins long for the sake of my crumbling mental health

The voice acting in this episode is incredible, Jon really *sounds* like Elias here

you have no idea how exciting it was to wait for hearing that famous line "Hello , John.Apologies for the deception, but I wanted to make sure you started reading, so I thought it best not to announce myself. " I joined the fandom really late and saw this everywhere, I almost lip-synced when first listening.

Remember when we were all joking about John getting a souvenir from every entity like a collector ? Yeah... those were the good times

"Of COURSE I'm going to tell you if I see any cows 🙄" my heart 🥺🥺🥺

Listening to this was like: “What a nice epilogue I wonder what season 5 is” “Wait” “WAIT” *scrambles to figure out what he hasn’t been touched by as you are told what he has been touched by* “Well he hasn’t been touched by ___ right?” “OH FUCK HE HAS” “WAIT OH NO CHANTING” “PLS NO IT TELL ME IT DIDNT WORK” *unintelligible screaming*

the second i heard the sweetness in their voices at the beginning my trust issues leapt in real quick... oh my bois...

and season five begins: each statement is just martin being excited about the cows and describing them in detail

i’ll never forget the feeling of hearing this while on the public bus, completely alone besides an old woman who watched me as my eyes just widened in horror and very faint tears

What a wonderful show slow burning romance and a slow burning world.

"I looked at the sky, and the sky blinked" And now, "Look at the sky. Its looking back" I rescind my previous assessment that the first line is the hardest thing I've ever heard because that second oen is 1,000x more terrifying

im astounded i avoided that spoiler

HOLY CRAP the "hello Jon" part was the most scared I have been in this whole series and then the "turn the page and start again" I love Elias but jesus man he is scary

I wonder how the side of the fandom that only listens on UKposts is doing right about now

..."The desolation killed her cat." Aye, aye that would do it.

episode summary: jon falls for the ultimate rickroll

Awww they sound so happy, finally an episode that won't make me anxious ?

"Look at the sky, Martin. Look at the sky. It's looking back!" I am not often heavily affected by media. This podcast is, thus far, THE ONLY EXCEPTION. OH MY GOD. The first time I listened to this episode, the voice of Jon slipping into hysteria struck deep horror in me. I literally could not start Season Five for almost a week. Even now, coming back to this clip on more than one occasion, it still scares me. The dread I feel is like I am there in the house with them. It feels insanely real and no piece of media has EVER done that to me. Every person that's worked to produce The Magnus Archives is incredible. You've broken me and I am surprised that you have. Well done.

Jonathan Sims I will be coming for your lungs IMMEDIATELY seeing as you have stolen mine

Ok so the apocalypse as a price for Jon and Martin finally beeing together... I´m fine with this!

Gotta catch them all -Jonah magnus

Oh no. No no no. ... Shit. I cannot believe that everything, from the very start, has been orchestrated by Elias. I hate him but wow, he is unfortunately very competent. I don't think I'll ever be able to look back on past episodes and not see how the guys are all being played by this asshole. Everything they all went through, every little victory they thought they had... was actually them getting deeper into this whole thing. And it scares me so much to think that they maintained their free will all throughout. They actively opposed these sort of things, they did everything they could to prevent any of the fears taking over the world, and yet, every single one of their moves led them towards this. They could choose their actions, but we're absolutely helpless as to the consequences. It truly is terrifying. I only hope that it's not necessary to kill the Avatar in order to stop the Apocalypse. Jon doesn't deserve this.

I think it's nice that they let them be happy for five minutes before putting them through unimaginable trauma again. It's the little things :)

Really odd the season ended with a five and a half minute episode. Wonder why? In all seriousness though that twist was masterly crafted and even now, on my third relisten, it gives me chills. Congratulations to the writers, you have raised the bar. Can’t wait for Protocol!

5:42 hello jon. sorry fo-

It caught me off guard that one of the content warnings was "change", because the process of change is one of my biggest fears Also, I can clearly imagine Jon clutching the statement as he reads on

Honestly, Jonny's voice acting and the editing/soundscaping in this is so good!! Every time I listen to this I pick up on more things: - the stutters at the start where Jon tries to stop himself - the way he changes his pitch and tone and even the way he pronounces his vowels to make him sound more like Elias/Magnus - the crackling sound effects that start as soon as Jon starts reading Just to list a few (yeah, this is a very restricted list) of them very quickly. Feel free to add to more if you want!

Excuse me while I scream in that corner over there

this episode is the best example of the inminent tragedy that will be the finale. the writing is so good that I can feel jon's pain while reading the statement. this episode is so well done! I am cought up but listening to this again gives me even more feels. thanks for hurting me guys :)))

Nice to know all that effort stopping the rituals, especially on Gertrude's part, was for nothing.

this is like the scary version of when the kids movie ends and all the characters have a dance party

Everyone in the comments is going wild about the cows, but I had to pause for several minutes to compose myself after Martin's varied diet comment

I really cant understate how much i love Elias. Dude is peak villain, up there with Sukuna

fuckin HELL!!! i've been hearing about the dreaded episode 160 for like 20 episodes but I DID NOT EXPECT THIS!!! absolute masterclass in writing, holy fucking shit. mr sims i shall worship you as one of the fears (the fear of Tragic Endings)

The way he says “I... open... the DOOR!” Gives me so many chills! Awesome narration work 👏

Goddammit, and they were so happy at the beginning. They really can't have a break, can they?... I think it's really cool how Jon can put on Elias' voice so well. I hate him so much... Jon didn't want any of this and Elias just used him as a pawn! Also, was Jon laughing or crying at the end?... It's hard for me to distinguish sometimes. Wonderful episode as always!

The way Jonathan Sims reads the title is so haunting. Can't wait to get into it "The Magnus Archives will return April 2020." God I mean if there were ever a more impeccable timing

Jon’s laugh is one of the most genuinely unsettling things I’ve ever heard