I promise you all this video will all make sense… I hope you understand me better. EDIT APRIL 2ND: WOW thank you for your comments ❤ thank you for all the love in the comments. will be trying to read them all today as well❤ thank u

saying “I love being a girl” while crying I felt that.

i literally started crying when you said you didn't remember his laugh, it's so sad that we forget things and people and feelings that once were so important to us

if you’re reading this i love you, nothing is permanent and there’s beauty in that so allow yourself to grow unapologetically

i started bawling my eyes out when you read your old journal because i related to it so much. i always forget that we are all just humans. i love you mai, RICE BALL

From a 34 yr old that's been married for 10 yrs and has 3 kids. I'll tell you these once you find your person non of your past break ups will matter. In fact your forget you even dated other people. Don't take breakups so hard they won't matter later in life

The fact she wrote about how she hoped he is going to do well. She was feeling her age. So pure and innocence 💓

I’m crying with you girl. I feel like I’ve gone through similar things/am now and I really needed to hear this vulnerability! It’s helping people, Mai! You’re so great! I love you and your story!

She’s crying filming, crying editing AND NOW IM CRYING WATCHING 😭

“i know that i wont love like that again” oh god mai the girl you are. you’re so real for this

i don’t usually comment but mai this video is honestly the most impactful youtube video i’ve ever watched. you’ve been such an inspiration to me for the past couple years and have helped me accept and love myself, ESPECIALLY THE JOURNALING i fell in love with journaling again and it’s helped soooo much. thank you for being so real with us, we barely see it on the internet anymore LOVE YOU MAI 💗💗💗🧙‍♂️

Girl...I admire you so much being able just to be by yourself with your thoughts, such a healthy person weather you recognize it or not just being able to talk about what is affecting your life and confronting your thoughts literally AMAZING!

“Are we changing….or is it that we are letting other people influence the way that we think we need to be” DAMN MAI

"You made me feel my age" Hit somewhere really deep. Love you Mai, I wish you all the best girl!.

ive been on this channel since LA days, It's really nice seeing you change and evolving into a better person day by day. I always learn a lot from you. Whats crazy is that I started journaling, reading and practicing my beliefs way more in 2021 because of YOU. I'm so glad I found you. Thank you for this video and your transparency

Seeing you go through so many journeys and obstacles and seeing you physically GLOW more and more is CRAZY. We are all witnessing your journey from self hate to self love in the span of multiple videos, years, days, weeks. You’re so raw , more people should watch you, know you, talk to you. You are a healer Mai. You have such a high amount of love and good energy. You are contagious and radiate such good vibes. You speak from the soul and just because it’s a video, us as viewers FEEL it Mai. Thank you once again. ❤

you know the video is going to be good when the thumbnail is a pic of mai crying

"Why do i care so much about what people think of me"? I felt that on a SPIRITUAL level!!

personally this was such good timing to hear, i’ve been journaling almost everyday just like you said. it genuinely heals so much inside of me, but it really inspired me to keep journaling even more. not only have i been journaling though, i’ve been working on trying to better understand myself and to know that i watched this video right while im going on this self improvement journey, im glad to know you are too. i’ve watched your videos for years now and this has genuinely been the video that has stuck out to me most. thank you for constantly looking out for your viewers, but just remember to not loose yourself along the way. love you mai❤️

Not me crying while you cry in the videoo 😭🥺 I never felt this safe watching other youtuberrr- you're such an exception maii 🥺🥺🥺

“ I don’t remember his laugh” that hit something in me 😭. I hope you are much better now and I know how you feel.

"I felt my age with you," punched me right in the gut. So simple but so raw and so true. Something about the way you write is genuinely just so beautiful, Mai.

the guy you meet and fall in love with at 18 is a canon event

Ive never had so much respect for someone this much in MY LIFE! Bawling my eyes out here, love you Mai you're so strong x RICEBALL literally laying in bed and listening to every damn word girl. And also pleaaasseeeee keep making the like glow up videos and house decorating and stuff its therapy for me :) If you would ever read this, love love love you so much Mai.

thank you mai for influencing me to journal again. everytime i start to journal i start to feel cringe about my thoughts and feelings, like i feel judged by myself. but idk wts in the air tdy and ur vid made me wnna journal again. seeing u grow and reading back ur old journal idek how to explain it but i feel like i need to start doing it properly, ur so real in ur videos and everytime i watch ur videos i feel so motivated even if its just for a day like im a rlly lazy person and the way u impact me is so amazing. i love uu Mai :) and again thanku💕

IM CRYING RN. THE AMOUNT OF EMOTIONS AND FEELINGS PUT INTO THIS VID LITERELLY VIBRATES OFF MY SCREEN. OMGGILYSM MAI YOU ARE EVERYTHING TO ME.

the "blank, thank you" hit me really hard, because ive only really looked at my past relationhip with anger and negativity and didn't want to think about the fact that they made me so happy and taught me so many things. because its difficult to be devastated when you're angry. it's difficult to understand that this person was really good for you and made you really happy when you're telling yourself that you hate them. even if they broke your heart into a million little pieces, you realize that that is how you grow as a person.

Hi Mai!!! I wanted to say thank you for being so vulnerable. I cried watching this because it’s so relatable and genuine. I’ve literally never left a UKposts comment but girl to girl, thank you. This was so relatable and beautiful. Being able to love is so special, and it’s such a beautiful experience. I’m glad you can look back and learn from it. That’s what life is all about :) you are a HUMAN, and I love that you embrace it. It’s special to be able to connect with people through a screen like you do. I’m glad to have been following along on your journey for the past few years. Keep it up.

i love you maiii. you’re such a genuine person and you’re so full of life

girl oh my god i am not the same person i was 45 minutes ago i clicked on this video feeling so lost in my life and omg. i straight up bawled with you. idk i just feel so cleansed. you have no idea how much you are worth. whether it's mai reading this or just some random person in the comments. you have no idea. you are so beautiful and kind and i love you so so much. thank you so much for the video... i'm bouta bust out my journal now LMAOO if you're reading this, i love you

I started crying when you were talking about forgetting about his laugh 😭 It reminds me of personal experiences and about the people that I’ve lost

This was such a great video but also the growth is showing on you. watching you be so open and grow into your best version of you by experiencing real life highs AND lows and sharing it all is so amazing truly. It's so refreshingly honest and HUMAN. love it.

MAI I CRIED WATCHING THIS VIDEO... WHILE YOU WERE CRYING I WAS BAWLING MY EYES OUT... I needed this video soooo bad... You made me realise some important things. I'm really thankful to you! I loveeeeeeee you sm. You helped me take very important decisions.

this journal. the spiralling. the realisation. everything about it. is how my mind works. i need to do this to recognise my feelings and be aware of my emotions

when u said i love being a girl.. ahh my heart melted. its so rare to find moments where you truly love "being a girl" yk? and also when u said i dont rember feeling this many emotions gah! that hit. u reminded me that we gotta give ourselves more grace in the present moment.:) ily mai!!!

Rice ball! Hey Mai, you explaining your story really made me cry and feel for you. You’re such a strong woman, and you’ve gotten through so much. Keep pushing through! I love your content❤️❤️❤️❤️

"leave every interaction a net positive or neutral" i LOVE this line omg, i've always tried to live off this but could never relay it as eloquently

are we all crying with mai? yes we are. we love you mai

I literally cried with you 😭this entire video was exactly what I needed to see and didn't even realize just how much. Thank you Mai. I will book that trip because I want to and give myself grace when It's needed 💜

this video resonated with me sooooooooooooo nmuch im actually crying. going through a breakup right now and hearing you read your thoughts is actually heartbreaking cause WHY DO WE FEEL THIS WAY.

“i love being a girl” through tears i was really not ready for that

"Riceball" - dude all of this hit me so hard, I'm 17 right now and I'm in a crazy place, boys, school, etc.. this helped so much.

You're literally the most reliable person ever 😭 and a bit off topic but your hair and makeup looks so pretty here i really like the blonde fading into pink 🥰

at first i was listening to this like a podcast while i was cleaning until you said "I grew up to quick" and that made me pause and look at the screen. Now I'm sitting here crying listening to you read. and I'm genuinely grateful that i kind of grew up with you

Girl your writing made me SOB the way you worded everything literally sums up how I feel rn 😭

ok but a moment to appreciate the editingggg??? it’s insanely good, with the sound effects and all, i had to rewing 3 times just in the first zoom out to the editing software… girlie mai out here with the full hd4k experience high qualitea

Honestly though, I’ve learnt so much from watching this video. Thank you. I was already having thoughts of over consuming content online, but this video just solidified to me that I need to look within more. Started a journal last yr but I’m gonna keep going w it and be more focused on my own life rather than others :) Thanks Mai for ur vulnerability. Videos like these from you give me so much value

if you're reading this i love you. damn this video changed my perspective on things. i've kind of lost myself in the past few weeks cause i've been quite stressed. when you get stressed, you put pressure on yourself to be like others, then you start comparing yourself to others & blah blah blah. besides the point, listening to this was therapeutic & put me back into the right headspace.

if you’re reading this I love you! I laughed and I cried & I started journaling bc LIFE is LIFING & i’m currently going through a breakup and having to start over with life (we moved in together) so this video was needed! I can’t wait to see where i’m at in the next year! 🫶🏽

GIRLLLL you got me tearing up “i wont love like this again” i am on the floorrrrrr

Girl, don't worry I'm sure you'll find what you need in life just focus on bettering yourself right now ! You're so pretty and seem like a hardworking & generous person. Also, it is sad that we feel like we have to impress others when we shouldn't feel the need to do so

My trauma+your trauma=our trauma that we'll overcome togetherrrrrr

Why is your life so novel worthy 😭 like i need a series

mai, you have been such a significant inspiration in my life since i was in high school. we’re only a year or 2 apart but i learn from you every video and i’m so proud and happy for you and your success. i can’t believe i’ve been subscribed for at least 4 years now but watching your growth, i can’t express enough how much you truly deserve all this greatness and i’m glad thru it all you’ve stayed true to yourself. you’re really one of my besties🤞💜

Mai, your videos mean the world to me. A podcast from you would be so amazing. Your positivity shines through in all your videos and you're so inspirational. I feel like I've changed as a person since watching you and I know it would make a huge difference to so many people and me if you'd start a podcast. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE!! Love you x

Mai was going through a lot and my dumb brain fr thought that she was in her "ghosting era" and ghosted us. Mai, if you are reading this, i love you.

I love how Mai is the older sister we all needed in life. You are so incredible Mai.

Riceball. This was everything I needed. I've been going through this exact same realization and it was so nice hearing you share. It made me feel SEEN. Thanks sis for sharing, I was crying along with you. That was crazy wow, thank you.

i love you Mai because you’re literally the example of a person who acknowledges her past, learns from it, accepts it’s best and worst and uses that experience to grow a little more each time, you truly inspire me ❤️

Girl these full circle moments are gonna make me cry 🧙‍♂️

The re reading of old journals and crying and coming full circle is so real like I’ve gone there and it’s a canon moment

This video got me crying and reminiscing about my past high school crushes. They weren’t too severe but definitely altered how I think about commitment and my feelings. I’ve enjoyed this video :)

Literally started crying while you were reading the journal 😭 like omggg I cried with you n everything girllll

25:32 This part is so beautiful, wouldn’t thought that i would cry but listening to your teen romance entries made me sob. “I felt my age with you” this was so 😭 i cannot explain how this video makes me feel, just seeing you in this different light and seeing you being full on vulnerable and show us your “little girl” side (sorry dont know how to describe it its bad i know) is just so heartwarming and i wish i could give you and your past self a hug 🫂. I cried with you 🤍 love you Mai

first loves are gut wrenching, girls truly love their first love so deeply. Idk if men even scratch the surface of that love when the relationship ends. It's been almost 4 years since I left my first love, and not a day goes by where I don't think about him . . . .

riceball and jfc thank you mai. I went through a heartbreak years ago and you finding your past self in your journals made me cry healthy tears. I don't think ill ever be over how much I loved my person, but this made me realise how much ive grown from that. thank u so much, mai youre amazing ❤ (omg I love what ur wearing if thats alchemai its going in my closet for suuure)

I think this was so relatable to everyone’s first love. Thank you for sharing and yes I am crying with you. Much love Mai 💕✨

This is one of the most beautiful raw videos i have ever seen. As a girl going through this right now i feel SEEN! You are such a beautiful person and deserve the best. You can write a book btw cause the way you write is HEARTBREAKING.

the fact that you share your story with absolute strangers just to help them is so courageous. mai, if you’re reading this, i love you.

i love this so much the vulnerability it took to articulate and express through the feelings and emotions is so powerful. when i was in my late teens and early 20s i wasn’t this attuned to myself at all and i were to go back to my younger self who was chasing after the echo chamber of success i would tell her you’re doing enough girl you’re doing your best and i am truly grateful for all of you right now putting the most effort and work to not be afraid. i really love you guys as a whole who’re making changes and staying true to yourself while going after what you want and keep going guys i believe in all you and i genuinely look toward to you guys posting more of your journey ❤❤❤❤❤

This was THE video I needed to see. I am struggling with myself a lot, feeling lost and losing my best friend atm because I am realising we are starting to live our lives differently. So, this video was what I needed. Thank you for being so open and sharing your thoughts with us ❤ If you are reading this, I love you ❤

I watched this video like 5 hours ago and i'm still thinking about how much this video affected me. Hearing about the journey you made, seeing you be real and show raw emotions on youtube really hit something in me. It was the advice you gave yourself was the exact advice i needed and i still sit here doing diffrent stuff and i find myself being reminded by everything that this video exists and its definetly one of the best ones youve ever made. Sure, i love the aesthetic home cleaning self care stuff too but this is just a diffrent side that i think we should have more on social media. You're one of my biggest role models and i wish you all the luck in the world. I love you mai❤

“are we changing because that’s truly who we are or is it because we let other people influence the way that we think we need to be.” i felt that❤

I feel like she is teaching me personally, so much about myself and what to look for in life. I’ve never had an older sister or siblings in general, and I feel like she’s one of those people that fill that void that gap of not being able to ask questions to help me through rough times in life. Thank you Mia for being my inspiration

The timing of me watching this is insane. Like each point you made and all you shared correspondes a little too well with what is happening rn, Mai ilysm ❤

girl I missed you. I was literally watching videos from 3 years ago. FINALLY MAI🙏

“Omg I don’t remember the sound of his laugh” MADE ME START SOBBING AW THIS VIDEO WAS HONESTLY SO LIFE CHANGING. Mai you are such an amazing person I cantttt

I finally was able to make time to watch this. It’s been sitting in my watch now and I got time to process. This is awesome. The next several years, you’re going to stop caring at all about what other people think, discover your truest self and you are going to be amazing.

Hearing you talk about this stuff always makes me realize a lot and I could literally replay this all day long. I hope this will affect my life positively. I hope I will start being the best person I can, stop caring so much, start journaling, read, have hobbies EVERYTHING! You inspire me so much and I can’t be more grateful for this opportunity meeting you and the stuff that you shared to us

MAI HAS CHANGED MY LIFE, i started living alone because of mai, i brought my camera because of mai, i started my content creation journey because of mai, i hit 100k recently because of mai. She taught me alot ! thanks to your mother for bringing you on earth! you are an angel in my life. I used to cry ... when i started watching you, i had around 4k subscribers on youtube ! and you inspired me so much ! manifesting to meet you in any international creator event ! I LOVE YOU

I seriously believe that mai should both write a book and continue the podcast bc tbh, the way mai speaks and writes are both equally sooo captivating, you're such an artistic person and the way you speak and write literally vibrates off the screen, I could listen to what you say for hours and I would read what you write non-stop. Your words feel like actions, it feels like pictures and emotions, not words. Idk I hope you get what I mean but I tried my best to describe it. You are loved unconditionally mai. You are your own soulmate. So love yourself ❤🫂

Hope you're okay mai, your content got me thru so much n i hope you're healing ❤

MAI I SwEAR IF ITS AN APRIL FOOLS JOKE IMA BE MAD CUZ I WAS WORRIED ABOUT YOU GIRL. edit: it wasn't an April fools joke.. we love you mai stay strong well always support you and approve of you

Reading your journal literally had me bawling. I felt so seen. All those emotions are exactly how I feel right now. I love so deep and everything she said made so much sense to me. Thank you Mai 🤍

Hey Riceball, if your reading this I love you. This video is exactly what I need right now, in this video alone you helped me understand what the hell happened to my life in 2023 what can I do differently in 2024, how can I feel better about myself, and what I need as an individual to be in a better state of mind. I started watching you a couple years ago and I've been a better version of myself since. chapter "Be compatible" hit so close to home, you have no idea thank you so much Mai for keeping it real babe

Riceball! gurl, you said what my heart was screaming out loud and i couldnt hear, thank you for making me feel better about who i am and what i do in life.

Mai is literally one of the most genuine humans seriously

If you're reading this, I love you. Mai, I really think I needed this video. I needed it because I'm still in mourning of my own breakup that happened almost two years ago now and I'm still feeling it so hard. This video was a reminder that even though time has passed, the love can still be there. The heartbreak can still be felt even if you're not in the throes of it anymore. It can still shape the person that you are even if you're not the version of yourself you once were, and that's everything to me. You're truly such a strong and resilient person and I'm glad I found you when I did, because you've made my life better by just being yourself and offering your voice to the world. So thank you. Thank you.

you made me cry too and yes being a girl in today world it is a blessing, you are such a beautiful being and im not the much to comment or be a front subscriber but know I've been following you for more then a decade and the way i was able to see you and grow with you girl, im so proud of you to a point you have no idea yes if you are reading this i love you beautiful soul

fresh from break up and i didn't cry but after hearing all Mai's thoughts in her journal, it was the exact things I've been thinking for the past few weeks. i love you mai u made me cry hahaha

Here’s the thing, no matter what you do there will always be people who are going to hate you, or think you’re lame, or make fun of you.. BUT there will also be people who relate to you, and love you, and look up to you. At the end of the day life is SHORT. We can literally be dead this time next year, who knows…you gotta live for you. Do what you want, and ignore the awful people. Don’t just be alive, live your damn life the way you want. You got this girl! (Riceball/If you’re reading this I love you!)

Taking a step back to reflect and process everything is emotionally exhausting, but the clarity afterwards reply helps in understanding why things happened the way they did. And you realize that you’re even glad it happened 🤷🏽‍♀️

i’m telling u i’ve never related to anyone this much wow just wow u honestly blew my mind away (the journal part)

Not me crying with you while you read this 😭 as a 25 yo, looking back at old journals is so weirdly healing!❤️‍🩹

it so nice having a influencer being so real and show their viewers that their human too. its so sad how we dont get this often online anymore

Really felt her content thanks for talking out and speaking up your thoughts. It made me realise life too riceball I appreciate the fact that you took the break up and created yourself the way you're today. I really got influenced by your thoughts. LOVE YOU♥

Riceball!! I have a lump in my throat right now from your story. Thank you so much for being so honest and vulnerable, it’s so admirable 🤍 If you’re reading this, I love you 🥰

Mai, I literally started crying the same moment you started crying. You reading your journal entries about your breakup brought me back to my first breakup which happened in the beginning of 2022 while i was 18. The way u wrote about him, just literally i could feel your pain through mine. It warms my soul that I can relate to someone so deeply whos across the globe from me. Since then I’ve also done a lot of healing and self care, but I’m far from perfect. I’ve suddenly been struggling with that breakup recently, and you helped me feel less alone. If you’re reading this, I love you🩷 thank you Mai for sharing.

if youre reading this i love you Mai, I really needed this. I've been feeling so numb with life lately, and this video helped me find clarity in what I need to do to better myself. I, too, grew up fast, so hearing about your breakup and how it helped you find yourself really gives me hope that I can do the same. I haven't cried in a while, but this video opened the floodgates, haha! love you

If you’re reading this, I love you