every day question... Am I gonna be like this forever? I look forward to dreams. Dreams feel more real than reality

Emotional numbness is very difficult it’s like my mind is blank and empty of thought like I’ve lost my personality and who I am.

It goes away. Good luck to everyone that still has this.

This video is amazing. Anyone who doesn’t suffer really do not understand. From being told “it’s all in your head” or “just don’t think about it”... I’ve been suffering from dpd 4 months now. Constantly checking and hoping I feel real. My surroundings feel real. But they don’t. Having conversations then completely forgetting what it was about 10 minuets later. No longer being able to enjoy life like you use to. It’s all so so real and so so distressing. I hope more awareness is made so people realize it’s not in our heads. I’m 19.. my life shouldn’t be taken away from me at 19. Update: 1 year later and I’m only seeing most of these replies. Thankfully with some good news. After suffering for what felt like forever my body slowly turned back to itself. I can happily say I am dpdr free! I have my bad days but I’ve thought myself to control over impulsive thoughts when it “heightens”. Thanks for all the lovely replies and I hope you all recover, have hope, it gets better 💕

'sleep is the only time my mind is at peace'... That one hit hard

20+ years 24/7 ive been suffering from this that "wake up" part of the video hit so hard it made me cry it's a beautiful video man. Hope we all get back to normal someday. Someday I will wake up!

For me is like being drunk 24/7, I can still feel everything from emotions to pain but it feels unreal

I’m 18 and I’ve had dpdr for as long as I can remember. That final sentence hit me hard cuz I realized I have absolutely no hope of ever “waking up”. Honestly I hardly even remember what a “normal” perception of reality is like.

8 years for me. We all deserve a medal,a million dollars and a model girlfriend for the amount of suffering we've had to endure. Great video btw.

I watch this video every day just to know I’m not alone

Joe, I am fighting back tears right now because my 25 y/o Son suffered for eight (8) long years with DPD. As he battled the severe Depersonalization, he fell into extreme depression which was followed by drug use, three unsuccessful suicide attempts and then on June 15th, 2017 he wrote his Mom and me a "Good-Bye" letter and intentionally Over-dosed, which left him brain-dead and ultimately he donated his heart and liver to some more elderly men here in the NJ / NY area. Your Doc / Film here is simply the BEST thing I've seen or read to help describe the disorder to the people who do NOT understand it. I applaud you for your work. SOmeday I hope the Psychiatric community will research the disorder, because more and more people are getting it from strong weed, MDMA, drugs, trauma, etc. etc.....GREAT JOB MY FRIEND - SO SORRY YOU HAVE TO SUFFER WITH DPD......Please hang in there is all I can say !! May someone or something BLESS YOU!

been dealing with this for 4 years now i fear ill never come back

Made me cry... Lived with this for 7 years now.. Every day. Every waking moment... And no one understands. so this really hit my heart. and made me FEEL.

I've had depersonalisation for more than half of my life and it's devastating to think of how much I've lost because of it. It's robbed me of my potential in terms of education and work ambition, it's impacted friendships, and I worry that it'll someday take my relationship too. I relate to this video so much, from the way that you experience depersonalisation to the way that others perceive you - people can never quite believe that I have this condition, I'm so bubbly, I'm so happy! But the closer they get, the more apparent my detachment is - I can come across as distant, rude, or like I'm not listening. It's a tremendously difficult condition to live with, and I wouldn't wish it on anybody...that said, there is something unifying in discovering that there are other people out there who, too, suffer with depersonalisation, and it does help me to feel less alone. I've struggled with this condition for so long: I've fought to understand my own emotions (or lack thereof); I've fought for a diagnosis for years (and have been persistently misdiagnosed/told that I feel 'sad' or 'low' - I wish more doctors would listen when I say I simply feel nothing at all!); I've spent a fortune on private therapy because, for some reason, doctors don't want to let me try any medication other than Sertraline because, if that doesn't work, nothing will. I do feel as if a lack of discussion around depersonalisation is a huge part of the problem, though I am encouraged by other people's stories that they have been able to try various forms of medication or therapy (to varying levels of success). It encourages me to keep trying. I disagree with a previous comment that somebody left about this being a 'self-pity' disorder - if one thing is for certain, it's that I am determined to beat this thing and I am hellbent on not letting it get in the way of my life. I'm 26 and I feel myself getting older every day; I'm aware of how much I've lost as a result of my depersonalisation, but over the last couple of years I've been trying my best to reignite that light inside of me. To engage in old hobbies. To see the world. To be more social, more connected, more present. It's an uphill battle, and it's certainly difficult to disregard that I have this disorder (how can I stand in the middle of Shibuya, Tokyo, under neon lights, but everything still feels muted..?), but I'm trying my best. I don't pity myself with this disorder; I'm increasingly determined to beat it. But as I said before, the conversation around it needs to improve - whether socially, or in the world of medicine and therapy (one therapist called me an 'anomaly' for feeling this way for so long - not exactly helpful!). This is a very valuable, clear video, Joe - I know I'm a couple of years late to the party, but thanks for sharing.

I’ve experienced this for over ten years. I can’t begin to explain how scared I was in the beginning, how crazy I felt and no matter what I did made it go away. Years of being confused and feelings alone no matter how many people in my life cared for me. They all saw someone that seemed so normal and would never even guess for a second that i was dealing with this internally. No matter how bad it was to me, everyone else only saw a person that functions the same as them. I’ve learned that this makes us more human and for same then any other that doesn’t suffer with this. Because the emotions they run away from and want to wish away we the sufferers of this chase more then anything else. We want to be what everyone else denies and doesn’t want to feel. The good and the bad because this has taught me how to see the positive in anything. I wouldn’t trade places with anyone for even a second because I know I was lucky to turn out this way. I help people deal with their problems and emotions because I understand them more then I should. But I ask myself everyday how I can understand something that I haven’t felt in over a decade. Depersonalization makes you understand all of people’s feelings because being detached from them makes it where it can’t hurt you no matter how close the danger seems. I want to help people so they can never even come close to feeling what this is like. Something that makes us feel as we aren’t real, we are watching our lives play out as if we are watching it inside our own heads in a movie theater, but at the same time feel as if we are floating above our own bodies, blurred vision and having an autopilot, time never seeming to take as long as it should and waking up to look in a mirror and see a human look back at you that you feel you don’t even know. Accepting all of that was harder then it should have but once I did I learned so much about myself and everything around me. There’s an end to this hallway of confusion, you may not see an end but it’s there. What you also don’t see is others in your life that also deal with this. I’ve met a number of people like us and it helps to know that you aren’t alone. Helping each other can show us the way out of this darkness because someone else might have a spare battery for that flashlight that died without you noticing. You aren’t alone and the more you realize that the better it gets, because the way out isn’t a door just for you but for the people you meet along the way that also deal with this. Just have to look for them, because they might be someone you care about. Hiding this isn’t going to help, it only makes it worse.

Hi have had this condition for a year now. It is a severe disability. My life has completely changed. But with the help of Allah I stay strong and continue with life as best as possible.

This made me cry. I’ve been feeling like this for a year and a half now and I didn’t know what it was until now.

This video contains many words I've wanted to say for so long... So so long

It FEELS SO STRANGE.. But.. i tell myself its ok bc ill make it through.. Ugh. Greyscale life. But I'LL BE STRONG!

My derealization started around the beginning of the pandemic and has continued to this day :(

I have DP for 1 year now and this video definitely nail it. Somehow, it's releasing To know that you're not alone. This trouble is terrible, it's like you're anchored and you have to watch everyone around you keep walking forward. Thanks for that video it could make my surrounding understand my feeling, i hope that you'll heal. COURAGE

This is beautifully made bro...pls hang in there. I know the unfathomable pain this disorder creates, but we will see the light one day!

had this for 27 years. back in the early 90s no one knew what I had neither did the doctors. I wandered for a decade not knowing and lonely af. I wasn't properly diagnosed until over a decade ago. iv just made peace with it. nothing works or fixes it. I'd love to feel real again just for one hour. it's all I ask.

Excellent video, thank you. I've had DPDR since I was 7. I'm now 55. I do have brief periods of 'clarity' but always returns. This video is the closest to explaining depersonalisation although I still have extreme derealisation at times which is when I stay home. Little tip, if you feel like people can see there's something wrong with you (although they can't) I find that wearing sunglasses seems to help me with confidence to go outside. Thanks again I'll be showing this video to those who know of my condition to help them try to understand. Best wishes 💜

*DON'T LOSE HOPE* I suffered from depersonalization/derealization/horrible anxiety for several years when I was is in my '20s; every fucking day was like a bad dream for me. But I eventually pulled out of it. I'm not exactly mentally "well" now, but at least I'm no longer walking around in a nightmare.

this is absolutely amazing, i’m been suffering dpd for 7 months now, such a scary world i’m living in right now. forever wishing life goes back to normality. thank you for this video, it explains it so much

I would probably wish death on someone before I ever wish this on them.

Thank you! Great job describing the day to day of it. 17+ years now. But mine started as severe PTSD...most of the PTSD symptoms are gone...my body is pretty relaxed and I don’t pay much attention to the DPDR...it’s just an annoyance that it’s still lingering because I’m ready for life. What helped there most with my ptsd symptoms has been Neurofeedback...I’ve recently started back up again focusing on left brain right brain stabilization. Random memories from my past keep popping in everyday which tells me my brain is beginning to connect again. Don’t know how long it will take to fully get there, in reality, but it’s soon enough. Everyone is different and it takes people different therapies and amounts of time to heal. Good luck to all. 💗

I hate the fact that i relate to everything said in this video. I don't really know where to get help. I'm still only a minor, just a teen I shouldn't have to be going through this at my age

idk if this is just me but it puts my hearing into a scenic mode, like my brain flips a switch after i talk and it sends me into heavy dissociation, it’s hard to explain really, just imagine saying something and then detaching from yourself so bad that you feel like u didn’t say what u just said and someone else did

Once I suffer of that thank God that sensation is gone 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

This was amazing and so accurate.

I’m so happy I stumbled across this beautiful video. I’ve been dealing with it for 2 years now and you explained it all beautifully. Nicely put brother

Thank you for being so transparent as you peel back the layers, giving us insight into your ‘inner world’...... you bring forth a lot of legitimate ‘food for thought’. Cheers.

This video is on point, thank you for doing it and opening the eyes for many many people. Hang in there 😀

You make amazing videos, God Bless you Joe!

Wow, I was looking through your channel to find your 2019 pedalboard video and came across this. I knew you had a special talent when I watch your guitar related content, but this video is on another level. I wish I had something to offer to help, all I can say is that you've inspired me and many others, and that's a gift to society. Thanks for being so open and real to us, Joe, we appreciate you and wish you nothing but the best life has to offer.

Wowow! So good. Thank you for making this 🙏🏼🙏🏼

This is amazing. Many people out there, including me, feel your sorrow. Love your informative music videos and finding this completely blew me away. Dont know what else to say really, just thank you. This is well appreciated.

Hey Joe! Found your channel a few weeks back and think you’re doing a great job! I remember you from when I studied at platform one a long time ago. Keep up the great work man and thanks for sharing this with everyone, very important people understand. Cheers and I look forward to any new videos! 🌞🙏

Good job sir, this was accurate!

i had this feeling but now I'm ok and back to reality. Prayers and reading the bible really help.

I've been struggling w this for like two years and I've never been able to put it into words as well as you did here,thank you so much for helping those struggling w this feel less alone ❤

love this bro, i hope you find the peace you're looking for one day

every day I dream in my sleep ..in days also(when I sleep in day time) ...they seem to be so real ... I hope one day i will beat this shitty situation ..and regularly taking medicines since 2015 ..hope for the better tomorrow....i know its curable ...so make yourself busy doing you like without thinking about dpdr..just make yourself busy..dont think too much about this definatly you will beat this ....

i can feel ur pain,i have this for 3 years now and its really frustating when other say that its just in ur head and when they say its just a thought

Much love Joe… sorry man, I love everything about you and your channel! So blessed to be connected via UKposts!

You've managed to explain this with words. Very well done

Takes guts and braveness to put this out there, good on you...I suffer from some stuff myself, my days are a struggle in different ways. I feel for you and I think I can empathize...we all have our own crosses to bare, the only choice we have is to push forward and do our best, we can’t be so hard on ourselves. Watching the vid made me think of the Radiohead song How To Disappear Completely. This condition clearly needs more public awareness, you’ve definitely helped in that regard. And you’re a personable/well spoken and talented guy, take comfort in your strengths and the gifts that you possess. In the end, we’re all just trying to get through and do the best we can...kudos to you, you’re not alone.

Wow, so different from my experience. It helps to hear someone else's experience.

I love that you created this! I get this!!! I’ve felt this since I was a little kid and didn’t know why and can’t get people to understand ...

Damn I'm VERY glad to have found this video. An absolutely amazing job clearly defining and demonstrating the feelings, sensations and actions of a person experiencing DP throughout daily life. My entire life (now 24) have severely struggles to find a way to explain my situation with anyone. Works like this can SERIOUSLY help out a lot of people trying to free themselves from DP by helping them to find a way to convey their internal madness in a way others can understand.

It’s crazy that you never know what someone’s going through. I usually go to your channel when I feel like crap as your videos are always high Vibrational for me , keep on Truckin !

I'm 25, and I remeber glimpses of reality until 5, I just accepted it and continued with my life. Two years ago I found out the term DPDR and ever since tried to explained it to my friends and family, most of them wouldn't understand of course. I recently was told there is a therapy called EMDR which can help with traumas and perhaps make me feel the world again.

Thank you Joe for sharing this with us. I never knew about this 😢 I'm so sorry you and others have to go through this. I will be praying for you Joe 🙏

This video had me in tears, It put feelings that I've felt for years in actually words, and the imagery explained it beautifully. Thank you for saying what so many have trouble saying.

Very good video and sums up all my thoughts exactly. I've had this twice the second time being 4 years and counting. It's truly awful and wouldn't wish it on anyone.

The last few worlds really hit home for me. This existence is like being on a train that is constantly increasing in speed and travelling forward, yet when I reflect on it all- nothing has happened differently; all is the same... I am still on a train that is constantly increasing in speed and moving forward.

I can’t believe how productive you are! While I do not have what you do, and I’m old now. I got a movement disorder that prevents me from sleeping for 8 weeks at a time. The results are similar to what you are going through. I wish you the best and your channel keeps me going, so thanks! ❤🎉

Thank you for sharing. Know that you are helping others, even more than you know....even if it doesn't feel like it.

thank you for this amazing video. i'm glad to hear that i'm not alone with this feeling. i've been fighting this disorder for a couple a years with no positive movement. nothing has changed. i feel disconnected from my body 24/7. i've tried pills, therapy... but nothing works. sometime is really hard to stay normal and positive

Sorry to hear you've had DPD for over a decade. I first began to experince chronic DPD 9.5 months ago and it made me suicidal for the first 4 months. It's a trip man, very wild stuff. Anyways thanks for making this video and sharing it.

I've had derealization since 2011. It's been an ass kicker but it has also forced me to grow and improve in ways I wouldn't have otherwise. It still sucks, but just have to keep hoping for relief one day. Thanks for this video, man. You're not alone!

I look in the mirror and I have no clue who i am facing... I can't recognize myself, I am somewhere there, but lost .. May God help us all ! ❤️

Wow this video really hit home. Had this for 3 years I wake up every morning with one thought has it gone yet. I honestly don’t know how I function at times. It’s a constant battle, that so far I like to think I’m winning but I honestly can’t put up with this for ever. I look forward to hitting my head on that pillow so I can get be at peace with my mind

Jesus, Joe. I had no idea. Your gear reviews are killer. I get overwhelmed when I think about what the other 8 billion people on earth are doing and what I'm missing out on, but from time to time I truly enjoy being in the wonders of nature or deeply connecting with my wife, my 2 year old son or my best friend. Most of the time I'm just going through the motions of the day to day daily grind, but nothing I'm enduring compares to your daily struggles. All I can say is thanks for your bravery in sharing this with us, and I truly hope things get better for you in the future. Cheers! :)

thanks for this!

Gracias por este vídeo! No se puedo describir mejor este trastorno. Mil gracias por enseñar al mundo como nos sentimos

Brother Joe, I did not know you were suffering. I'm so sorry. I did not know such a problem existed. Thanks for sharing and educating me on this. Sending good vibes and prayers to you and all who suffer from this. Please know that you are not disappearing in so many eyes. All the best. 😔 🙏

When said people can't people you going to a mental hospital my heart jumped. Thats exactly me everyone thinks I'm fine cause I can smile and laugh. I manage bills heck I'm a asstinance manager for crying out loud but inside nothing. I even have trouble loving my kids. Like I'm not living my own life or I can't feel my own emotions. I just found out I have this. I know it must have been hard to film this but thank you so much really. To have a video to show myself and others what i go though is so much greater then any meds. Thank you and stay strong it will get better.

Thanks for this. Hope things have improved for you. I've suffered from a milder form of this for years, which robbed me of the ability to enjoy listening to music most of the time. Thankfully things have gradually improved and are now improving quite dramatically since starting psychodynamic therapy. I think for me it is a reaction to trauma.

You have done this film Wonderfully Joe & thank you for putting it out there in all your Honesty I have been knocked completely with ddd for awhile & have no routine at all for awhile & not looking after myself very well at all. I am 56 now & was diagnosed just two years ago finally’ in what I say ‘. ‘My Lifetime’ I seem as if I am a child & have to start from scratch- void of feeling but know I have all sorts underneath- Grief Anger & others. I am just so frightened to live & with the layers of other stuff built up over my Life! I am embarrassed to say but did not know that I actually felt numb for those hundreds millions times in my Life’ I was misdiagnosed as a teenager & the Party began’. I have extreme Rumination & yes it is all so Exhausting. I never understood though why I moved away from people & pushed many away & then it all made sense’. But it is so late & long now - I knew along the way at times there was something else happening & as I did the Medical trips treatments etc. alone - there was no one else’s input or to relay to as I could not explain what was happening so Ok was my standard answer when my Mum asked or whoever after an appointment- This has created much more aloneness too’ Trying to convince other’s then at times until becoming obsessed to gain a bit of a break hopefully! We had plenty of trauma & drama when I was growing up so I never wanted to be a burden & I would be diagnosed by the first Pych. I saw get some treatment & on I go- at least I hear some good hope here if though - No! I have to get back out in the World my Fear is huge & that what I say or do more than not is not correct with it just jumping out - this being more often than not do not feeling connected to self! Anyway I know this is not anything new - just thinking it would be so wonderful to be around people at times who actually experience this in their own way & that understanding 😊 I live in Australia Thanks again Joe for showing how you are still doing ‘Life’ under huge restraints- my words here 👏👏 Excuse my long winded post here all something I definitely want to work on! I am not going to check it again as I do this also- needing to just trust again much more 🙏🏻

Yesterday I got high and it felt more real than my usual self.

Thanks for sharing this.

Genius film mate.

This is amazingly interesting. So much the world does not know.

this is an absolute accurate masterpiece

5yrs and counting. Perfectly explained. Glad to know I'm not crazy

To all of you suffering from this condition, healing is possible without meds

That filter over the video till u said wake up was such a masterpiece of this video holy shit that amazed me cuz thats how i feel i related to this video so much its like theres a filter over my life i thot of it as like a blurry filter because its hard tell what ur fealing and its hard to see stuff like actually see stuff without that filter of depersonalization i dont know i cant rlly explain it but u have a huge way with words its insane that u were able to describe how i feel with such clear words when even i cant describe how i feel i try to describe how i feel all the time in my thoughts i associate my depersonalization with lonliness but loneliness doesnt fully describe the matter i feel lonely cuz i am alone but it would be easier to just feel lonely then feel flat and not know wat ur feeling i knew i loved this girl but i didnt feel it its like feeling like a robot for me im able to function do everyday things but feel nothing when im alone the only treatment ive found for it is to not be alone to be with friends or a crush or sonething but i dont have those i had them for a short time but i feel like this whole depersonalization started at such a young age was because i was alone for so many years with 0 friends and the only company i had was my own thots was thinking 24 7 but not thinking at the same time i was blank but at the same time it wouldnt stop i dont know since first grade up to 8th grade i was alone with my head down all the time and silent at peace with my mind but also at war with it im currently in 8th grade im 14 turning 15 i believe i suffer with depersonalization ive done my research and about everything about it i was able to relate to but i also dont want to self diagnose my self with it because i dont want to believe i suffer from anything i dont want to get help because noone will understand i function normal well not normal but ive been functioning like this since i was little so my family has gotten use to this "me" but i feel like theres a me trapped inside that is suffering and just wants to resurface from the water that it was trapped in i loved the part where u described the mirror part cuz i was never able to explain that when looking in the mirror i feel like i got this disorder but its just self diagnosed and everyone nowadays my age self diagnoses themselves with disorded and mental illnesses that make me feel like my feelings are invalid cuz i could be another one of those kids that are doing this for attention but i dont like attention never did ive always been the one to avoid crowds i cant wait till school starts again cuz maybe ill make some real friends that i can hang out with all the time so i could be at peace sometimes and feel normal i stayed at ex friends house once overnight my first time a couple months ago and the whole time it felt so real but unreal that something could feel so real it relaxed me made me feel normal its like the me inside got a breath of air but went back under the water the moment i left i dont even know if ur going to read this but holy shit man u helped me understand a little more of how i feel with ur words but how long have u been suffering and how did u explain to ur parents u needed help? Thank u man

Maybe the best explanation and description of the condition. I'm so sorry you, and so many of us, live like this.

This video was perfectly done! I just float thru life, haven't accomplished anything, always wonder "am I going crazy?" Or "will I be like this forever?" The last second of the video hit me hard cuz I do this every day as well, "I just hope one day I will wake up!"

When i go to sleep, i pray that i don’t wake up. It’s been 45 days since i started praying

Brilliant. This video is basically how I feel to a T, people who suffer with this are... strong. So strong. It’s the most mentally alarming and frightening thing I think I may have ever experienced in my life, constantly asking.. am I real? I should not be having to live my life in constant question and fear

This is a great video by a great guy. I highly appreciate all your work. Stay strong, Joe! ❤

I'm so happy I found this video! I didn't know what kind of problem I have until I found that word: Depersonalisation. It's terrible not being able to feel anything. I just feel numb and dream of becoming the old me. Back then, before I had this problem, I had emotions and saw the beauty everywhere, but not anymore. I don't have a simple depression, that's what my doctors have been telling me the whole past year.

Man thank you for this video. This really helps to explain to people what it is. Although even this video dosnt truly explain what it's like.

You are not alone brother, we will fight it together.

this is perfect.

Thanks for sharing!

amazing description

I had never heard of this disorder, but I have bipolar 2 and connected with many things you're going through. Mostly wanted you to know I really enjoy your videos.

Well, I definitely don‘t have a condition like the one you describe here. Btw that‘s a heck of a pedalboard dude. You are very good at expressing things and putting them into words articulately, I learnt a lot from this video.... thanks, and enjoyed the views too

Something that helped me a lot was to focus really really hard on my individual senses and to slowly bring them all together as they got stronger

Joe, you are incredibly eloquent in describing this condition. I am 52 years old and have been suffering from it since the age of 13. I hope you can take some hope if I tell you that from the age of around 30 I had longer periods where I managed to feel alive, at least to 60 to 80% of what I think living life without DP/ DR must be like. if percentages are anything to go by. Therapy and medication did absolutely nothing for me, only relentless ignoring of the DP and DR symptoms and going on with life best possible is what helped. Best regards from Germany!

THANK YOU SO MUCH

I know this video is a tad old but its nice to see everyone else talking about their experiences in the comments. I'm currently 21 and have had dpdr as long as I can remember. For most of my life I knew there was something very off, but I couldn't put it into words, so I couldn't figure out what the issue was. I don't think it'll ever go away for me, but that's alright! I've accepted who I am and the strange way I experience life. Of course it gets in the way, and that can be very upsetting, but that's also ok! I live for the good moments, those short bursts of happiness. Like a friend telling you a great joke, or a wonderful surprise gift. And for anybody experiencing chronic symptoms like me, stop telling yourself there's something wrong with you, that you're broken, etc! We're just different, and there's not a single thing wrong about that ♥️

Thanks for sharing this . Xoxo

I go through this. Anything can help, keeping happy and socialising, avoiding depression can help. Worked for me, still gets me daily but feeling better about myself helps.

This disorder is the most scary thing I ever experienced