"Cain dis-abel-d his brother" This is pure gold.

You spoiled the entire game without spoiling anything. You are a Malkavian, truely. Very impressive.

"Cain dis-abled his brother" will never cease to be funny.

I had an interesting first experience with the game to say the least. >Talk to guy on couch bleeding to death, in extremely poor health >Asks me to run an errand for him, and if possible look for something to ease his pain >I do his bidding then as i'm about to return i decide to check the medical clinic on the way back for something that could help his pain >Accidentally freak the receptionist out and guards open fire on me >Hear sirens and a man yelling for me to come with my hands up and weapon dropped >I run around the clinic levels like a madman looking for an alternative way out and something to use to ease that mans pain >Find pill bottle >Bingo >After some fuckery and running around and killing a cop in the proccess looking for a way out >I find a vent that leads to a door out >Talk to the guy who was bleeding >No dialogue option to give him the pills >Read inventory description >Mfw it says it's a fucking bottle of estrogen pills

7:40 me talking to women

"If you underestimate the pawn, you've already lost" Damn, that's quotable

Remember: The console command "money" is used to modify the breast size of various characters, it's default at 1 and a maximum at 3 (Limitless if you have the unofficial patch), but to us, refined gamers, i recommend setting the "money" value in the console command at 1.5

Fun fact: Adam and Eve, the parents of Caine and Abel, also had a third child... who they named Seth.

My experience in the haunted house consisted purely of me making sobbing noises and saying "I am an immortal killing machine, the creature of the night, I shouldn't be subjected to this kind of mockery!", while the lamp was flung into my head.

I thought Caine’s punishment was driving a cab in LA traffic for eternity

I was a Toredor, when I was staked at the beginning it was by a Nosferatu. I never noticed that the intro changed the vampires who capture you depending on what clan you choose.

9:41 Dancing actually has a purpose within the game. If you dance long enough (3-5 minutes'ish so go get your coffee in the meantime), you will regain one point of humanity once per nightclub.

I liked my first playthrough as a Nosferatu just fine. I always try to roleplay as someone closely resembling myself, anyway

Deus Ex but with vampires

God's punishment to caine was to wander the lands endlessly. The superpowers + the ability to make new vampires he got from Lilith who was a mage. The vampire curses he got from several archangels.

I like how Magilla Gorilla wasn't even something Sseth came up with for the scary sheriff , it's literally what Vampire Bender calls him.

hey just in time for Sseth's E3 Conference.

"they've got real fears" *Museum velociraptor* My favorite part about that is how consistently it scares the shit out of people playing, and the lore reason for it being there is someone wanted to scare their coworkers

saying the line "wherever we go it's the blood of cain which makes our fate" while zooming on the taxi driver's face was really brilliant

Fun fact, the werewolf isn't dead. In WoD, Werewolves return to their natural form upon death so while KOed, that thing is still active.

"Your sire gets decapitated by magilla gorilla." Lost it.

"... Vladimir Tepes was, in fact, a high level Tzimisce who turned romanians into dining chairs." I love this man

"Sometimes I like to turn into a burning bush and scare the shit out of Mozeez" Still makes me lol over a year later

I choose malkavian for my first playthrough and while it was still amazing I can agree with the advise not to start with them. Not because you will have a bad time though, it's because it's such a good time all of the other clans will seem worse.

"the game isn't that long." Ya'll are skipping the side-quests? It takes me 20 hours to reach LaCroix: I'm from the gaming era of "once you enter this new location you can never return and all the quests will be lost." Gotta do all the side-quests before even engaging the main. 2 year later edit: Some of you confused "takes me 20 hours to reach LaCroix" with "I finished the game in 20 Hours"..........do you people think LaCroix is the final boss? (I love the rest of you)

*Suddenly struck with a flood of emotion and newfound empathy, Lacroix decides to spare your life* good one

ah yes, jeanette, everyone's childhood crush. That ghosthouse was legit creepy

*[The only security guard you shouldn't kill]* Killing Chunk should trigger a command to uninstall the game immediately.

This game has actually pretty good facial and bodily animation, doesn’t reach uncanny valley.

"You play it in first person while interacting with objects" *is speaking to a woman* Sseth my man.

When my girlfriend and I moved into our current house, this review released. We watched it maybe twenty times because I loved it and she is a Masquerade fan. Never gets old. I'm here watching it again two years later.

this game came out back when vampires weren't yet completely romanticized and they actually put in effort to create a believable scenario at first I was put off a little because I thought vampires in modern day with guns etc. doesn't encompass the theme very well but boy was I wrong I mean come on the whole vampire society living in the shadows with their own laws is more compelling than anything I've seen in the past 1 1/2 decades usually they just slap vampires on a title without a second thought to lure in edgy kids ;D

I'm just gonna be honest here. These are the most well written and edited reviews on youtube. Every video is a goddamn masterpiece, and hopefully they never stop coming. *sheds single tear*

Say what you will about a Malk playthrough, that TV announcer has some killer jokes and he’s damned polite. Also, Fat Larry is a gem the world couldn’t live without.

Welp. You made us buy the game... Are you Happy Now Seth!?!

so in a grand moment of "wow, aint that the wildest shit," the background image used at like 1:33 in the video is an archaeological site I used to work at. It's in Kauai, is an incredibly interesting place, and is well worth checking out. makauwahi cave reserve, if anyone's interested. There's a stone pillar in there that ancient polynesians worshipped as a giant magic phallic fertility symbol, I figure that would interest the denizens of this channel.

God the haunted hotel in this game was so good. You start feelin' like a badass 'cause you are a vampire then boom. Fairly early in the game you find out there are scarier things than you in this dark underbelly of the world. Something you, a newly empowered super-thing, find yourself suddenly powerless to do anything directly about. So good.

**DON'T OPEN IT** - Ancient Jewish Proverb

2:22 "begone, Toreador" nearly choked on my sandwich

Fun fact, clan tremere were originally WoD style Mages, iirc, they were jealous of vampires’ immunity to Paradox and the eyes of the Reality Cops, so they did a ritual that was meant to give them that power, but they just ended up turning themselves into vampires

"interacting with objects" *shows player interacting with a female* i saw what you did there

>nearly four minutes of just allowing the patrons to be appreciated SSeth is too good for this world

4:00 As a Tremere player, I absolutely LOVE this summary of them.

FYI to those who rewatch these kinds of Sseth nostalgia trips and have reinstalled this game a dozen times over the years: -The Bloodlines Unoffical Patch just got some new content like playing as a Human Hunter of Leopold, some new endings, brand new items etc. Thus I think it is time to reinstall it again in 2024. Enjoy!

This is one of my favorite games. I remember playing this as a kid when I didn't even speak English. I had a dictionary on the right and would translate the words or would just click random stuff and see what happens. Had a blast :D Will probably play it again now that I understand English :D

There's an unwritten rule now that if a UKpostsr mention's Bloodlines someone watching will reinstall it for the 10th time.

I picked up this game in 2009 at a secondhand shop for 1 dollar. Best dollar I ever spent. Absolutely amazing immersive sim that deserves WAAAY more recognition. Its a real shame the sequel seems to forever be trapped in development hell.

Tried the game 11:15 You lied to me Seth, my hoarding skills were too great for this game's inventory

Damn now I gotta reinstall since he mentioned it.

Surprisingly lackluster r34 content for such a fetishable title. Sseth, you know what to do.

MASSIVE SPOILERS. Original lore states that the cause of the madness network is the antedeluvian of the clan existing within the blood of his children. The Nosferatu blood line does not descend from the Nosferatu antedeluvian. They descend from a fourth generation Nosferatu, known as Baba Yaga. The reason they have gone ahem underground is that they are hunted by the descendants of their antedeluvian. The Noctu, that seek out to kill every Nosferatu. Their father hopes that if he kills all of his offspring, Caine will forgive him and lift his curse. I.e. the horrific appearance. Oh and if you think that Baba Yaga is a good ahem creature, you clearly have not been paying attention. She woke up at the end of the 80ties and single handedly took down the Soviet Union, which was ran by a council of Brujah. She erected a barrier known as the "shadow curtain" and cut off Eastern Europe with the rest of the supernatural world.

"Eestrogen" gettin wild with that pronunciation sseth

Every time you mention this game someone will reinstall it. This game and Deus Ex.

“So Cain disABELd his brother”

“You’ll have to decide whether you’re a player or a pawn, and I should warn you, a pawn is usually sacrificed for a king.” Damn... I guess an African warlord would know. Seriously man did you write a book at some point or?

Coming back to this video after having to watch the shitshow that was the Bloodlines 2 presentation

I discovered in my second playthrough you can jump over the part where the stairs break in the haunted house and the ghost girl doesn't despawn. My run ended there as it only made sense for the nosferatu I was playing to want to stick around with his first and only friend.

The best sounds in the game: 4. Hollywood's theme 3. Edward's theme 2. That little piece of music played with the shin gunto stealth attack 1. Velvet Velour's voice

Just rewatched this review, and I realized the real concern for why Bloodlines 2 may be bad. Forget about the vampires forget about the lore forget about the magic powers. Bloodlines was so special because of the amazingly rich and often quite humorous characters and writing. I mean look how buggy it was and the mediocre combat. But we didn't care. The haunted house scared us to death and we would spend way too much time dancing in the nightclubs, listening to the kickass soundtrack.

Correction: inventory isn't infinite. It has a limit of a certain number of items, I don't remember which, but I've cluttered my apartment in Downtown with a number of useless items, just because.

*Lacroix: "We will build a wall around Chinatown, and make the Kuei-jin pay for it!"*

As a Romanian I'm so proud. 10/10 would get turned into a dining chair again.

I bought this game 5 minutes after seeing this video, then got Covid, and therefore enough time to spent 32 hours beating the game and all the side quests in 2 days. Thank you, Sseth.

Malkavians knowing more than you is exactly why you should play them first. I did, and I was constantly being bombarded with "Oh my god, that's what the fuck I was talking about!". It was the most amazing first playthrough of a game that I will never get back.

God: "For the unforgivable sin of murder, I punish you by making you murder more people"

opens the video with "tonight" instead of "today" amazing how one simple word change improves the review so much

I remember playing as the Fledgling one time and used a severed arm as my melee weapon. The damage dealt wasn't all that good, but by Caine, it was worth it slapping the Mandarin and choking hunters.

To be fair, living forever would be the worst curse imaginable. The only mercy in this miserable life is that it ends.

This guy has the most effortless comedic timing I have ever seen. In less than a minute, he has dissed Hot-Topic goth teens, read a Bible story and somehow made me hungry for Lamb Chops. Only the best comedians can do that!

"Because, you goddamn zoomer..." That is the most powerful insult I ever heard from Sseth...

First playthrouh Malkavien. Absolutely fantastic, I've never been so intuned with a character. I simultaneously knew things I shouldn't, didn't know things I should, and basically bumbled and wandered my way through the game only to end by winning via accidentally enacting someone else's plan I had previously prophecied and then forgot but the option was interesting at the time. The only game that's better without prescription medication 10/10

Jeanette (her version you see in the cover of the game) is probably the only character i would feel safe with in this world, despite her personality, i feel she is the least deceptive of all the characters you meet. She is dangerous and unhinged if angered, but you know what she likes and not likes, there is no in between. So the boundary is clear.

"The blood of Cain" >Focuses on the taxi driver nice

My favourite Bible Studies channel. Thanks Sseth for another great christian video

Cains punishment by God is for Cain to have unruly children , despite all his powers Cain will never be able stop his children from fucking everything up, exactly like Cain did to Abel in the eyes of God. "Now you will know how it feels like..."

Playing the haunted mansion back in 2004 was one of the most magical gaming moments of my life. While I've certainly played many scary games since (most recently Visage) it was an altogether new experience for me at the time. Up to that point, I was playing games like Call of Duty or Zelda. Then suddenly I found out that games could SCARE me. That was truly revolutionary. Completely changed my perspective of the potential of games.

Are you sure Tepes didn't just turn Ottomans into Ottomans?

No jumpscares at the Ocean House, lieeeees. That light bulb popping outside scares the eff out of me everytime.

1:25 According to the wiki, Cain can literally invent new Disciplines on the spot and cannot be fully defined within the constructs of the game rules.

15:57 I can’t breathe

that killable werewolf at the observatory, cant imagine what the first guy to discover that went through

Sseth's favorite clan is Malkavian. As expected, Sseth has the best taste.

7:22 The ladies call me "Oh God!"

i have watched this video several times over the years and just noticed that if you turn on captions you get jewels like [Fat Larry, overweight drug-dealing ladies man] or [The only security guard you should't kill] this video just like the game is a true masterpiece

The chat was the worst thing I've ever seen. I love it.

A practical example of why this game is as loved as it is. The first time I played it I spent a lot of time in the character creator, adding and subtracting skill points on the various skills because I couldn't decide on how I wanted to start my character build. After a while I noticed something odd, that I had an extra skill point to play with. After repeating my previous actions (which was literally just adding and subtracting skill points in the menu) for a while I was able to repeat the bug and gain another skill point. I then proceeded to exploit a couple more skill points thinking that if the developers didn't want me to cheat they shouldn't of made the game so easy to break. After officially starting the game, I walk up to the first character and John DiMaggio proceeds to berate me for being a precious little tryhard. One of my opinions to response is "I'm too weak to play the game as it was intended to be played." He gives me the option to reroll my character, which takes me back to the character creation menu or to say I'm using a mod, which I believe kicks off the intended line of conversation and the tutorial continues as normal. With the wind knocked out of my sails, I chose the former and remade my character properly with the knowledge that this game is something special, and I should experience it properly. This story is pretty representative of Bloodlines as a whole. It may be buggy, but there is a level of polish and attention to detail that other games simply don't have, and it will keep you coming back because of it.

Funny how the facial animations for a 2004 game is leagues better than the ones in starfield

This video is so good that it not only got me to finally play this game after owning it for several years, but best it twice with the same choices and yet the second playthrough was even better than the first

Never heared of the game before this video. Whent ahead and played it out of curiosity. Goddamit this game is good shit. 24h went by on the first session and I had to force myself to sleep. Why dont they make things like this anymore?

VTMB curse: Every time someone mention it, someone else reinstall it.

what happened to the video around 0:42 ? I distinctly remember being able to see the painting of god.

My thoughs when entering ocean house "Ok you got this, your a vampire, your probably the scariest thing in a 5 mile radius, you ain't afraid of no gho.. Ahhh FU*K WHAT WAS THAT!"

Rumor has it, that everytime you mention this game online, someone re-installs it.

can't wait for this video to be livestreamed by forsen then that livestream of this video to be reuploaded by that bloke

Perfect review. I've played through every clan, and agree that aside from the broken combat this game is great. Love the GOG shout out, even though I still have the original disks I bought it there too! (pro tip: PC CD's are not immortal)

"Cain Dis-Abel'ed his Brother" is possibly one of the best jokes I've ever heard :v

Virgin Twilight vs. Chad the Masquerade: Lost Bois

I deeply respect the fact that with the line "...the pawn is always sacrificed to protect the king" the video zooms on LaCroissant.

Im just really thankfull for this video because now I have a new favourite game. Played it several times the last 2 years, sometimes with mods, and loved every playthrough.

I just finished this game, twice in a row (Unofficial patch and unofficial patch plus runs), 19 years after I've completed it for the first time. This review is hilariously on point!