Accidentally listening out of order. It turns out it does not matter.

As a large, muscular, black male college graduate from Detroit, didn’t think I could dislike Bennifer Shaps any more than I already did; I was wrong, and I thank you for this opportunity to increase my level of hatred for the little weasel…🐭🐭🐭

This whole book could be titled "Ben Shapiro Definitely Understands Things"

Gangs kick you out at 18...this was a common practice amongst the brutal 1980's gang "Menudo."

No matter how many times I think about this plot point, I'm always so boggled at just the sheer level of racism Ben would need to come up with this idea, that police shootings are the result of Black people entrapping police to justify anti-police protests. Like, wow, Ben really does that absolutely hate Black people, brown people, too, but Black people in specific. I'll also always laugh that Ben thinks "Don't Let Them Hornswaggle You" is a good presidental slogan. 15:45

It's been really, really, really, really hard to select the absolute worst line from this literary abortion, but "So, you remember 9/11?" gets my vote.

Ben missed perfect satire by not calling the kid a "super predator". Police in Hillary Clinton/ Democrat America are "too afraid to do their jobs". He could've said, "The democrats are the ones who focus on race, actually." Ben even fails at writing propaganda. Smh

No, no, no! Ben CAN NOT be Brett Hawthorne. Warmbo has to be him! Can you imagine the beauty of that?!

I love how Ben just completely misses how utterly horrible the "sympathetic" characters he writes are. He went on a whole as monologue how that cop "is not going to die here in a gutter he had a life too sob sob" and he's just aiming at a 8 year old minding his own business? 💀

It's pretty telling how Ben Shapiro feels the need to make every single opponent a caricature of a literal cartoon villain. Also: His absolute ignorance about literally everything.

57:39 in a book with so many ridiculous ideas the idea that Saudi Arabia, the country that is famously dependent on the oil trade, is funding American environmentalists somehow manages to be the most unbelievable one. How does he possibly come to that conclusion?!

Ben gets the meaning of the quote from Hamlet wrong. It means that perspective changes everything. "There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so" Nothing in there about trust. What a dull boy Ben is.

If it's cold enough to staunch bleeding then the cold is the real problem.

What y'all are missing with Ben describing the kid being killed here: big Zardoz reference: "The gun is good. The penis is evil." That's what he was going for. Lol

Imagining Ben's nasaly pipsqueak voice rapping Lose Yourself is... Well it's something.

33:33 Underrated Sophie moment, so much love 💜 Robert: sorry, I got that wrong, I need to be fair to Ben Shapiro. Sophie: ...do you?

25:00 Being cold can stop *superficial* bleeding, since a lower body temperature causes capillaries in the skin to contract to preserve heat. Gunshots are pretty famous for being a bit more than just "superficial." No amount of cold will stop a ruptured liver from bleeding unless you were frozen solid.

It pisses me off that Ben says the Black eight-year-old the cops murder has "dead eyes". My mom's eyes are dark brown, and they're beautiful. Ben's opinion on dark brown eyes is lame and his taste sucks, dark brown eyes are fucking "dead".

I loved this series. It's always good for a relisten when the episodes get too sad. Someone should write Brett Hawthorne fanfic.

9:25 "Illiterate bubble letters." Ben. Benathan Jenjamin Shapiro. If they are letters, do you think maybe they might be literate? Do you... do you think they're just random letters and the taggers don't know what they mean? Did you maybe mean "illegible," you illiterate? Which would be... *less* racist than this character just basically saying "yeah all these black people can't read or write." But still pretty bad. And either way really shows the value of community policing. Y'know. Like maybe having an armed man who has no knowledge of, or empathy for, the community he's policing; who has "given up on trying to decode that shit long ago"; might be... bad. Like he might maybe, i dunno, dehumanize these people he can't relate to, and, i dunno, hypothetically... pull a gun on an eight year-old and deliberately choose to shoot said eight year-old. With dead eyes. Like eight year-olds have. Those violent psychopaths. Whereas someone who understands the area might do a better job policing it and serving that community than someone who could, all other issues aside, apparently be under a tag that means "buy your crack cocaine here from Ronald Joseph Mathers" accompanied by a phone number and SSN and not know who to book. Like, thank you so much, conservatives, for your propaganda really highlighting how wrong you are.

You forgot to mention yet another surreal detail- the 8-year-old who gets shot is wearing a HOMER Simpson t-shirt. Not even a Bart shirt lol

In 'lil Benny Shap's defense, all normal-sized people look like bears-of-men to him.

The only time I feel bad about being really short is when I think of people like Ben Shapiro. My coolness is not diminished by his desperate, angry energy, but like. Bro. Don't give us short kings a bad name, dude.

This is the most detailed breakdown of the book I’ve heard (and I’ve listened to quite a few other ones) and just….Jesus. 🤦🏻‍♂️

I think Ben might’ve shoved five different book ideas into one because he knew no one would want to buy another after seeing how poorly written this is.

@callunas Ask and recieve! BEN---A Micro Novel, the sequel to Ben Shapiro's Novel. Ben awoke to a sharp, localized pain on his hand. Bright lights and acoustical tiles filled his vision. Where was he? His head was restrained, and he was unable to move his limbs, Suddenly his vision was filled with a blurry figure hovering above him. As his senses returned, he heard beeping and the gentle rustle of cotton and intermittent light clanging. Then, a voice. "Hey Marge, he's coming out early; I'm going to need a few more minutes here to finish up..." And then he slipped out of consciousness again. "Brett! Brett!! We need another Chopper in here now. The Soviet CIA is taking over the Kremlin in Downtown Detroit. I need you to suddenly get in there with a sudden burst of M9 fire!" Brett looked down again at the magazine in his teeth. He had forgotten to reload it since his time in the Mexican Taliban's prison pods. He had been too busy doing General Quarters and so his Military tasks were incomplete. He knew now that this was all or nothing---the Chinese had installed micro-nukes, something that the American CIA totally knew about, but that evaded border patrols and were now in every American home. The trigger was inside the Soviet Kremlin in Compton, Detroit, in the possession of the father of the kid that his cousin the Policeman had killed. He was really angry, his angry anger made angrier by his Islam. "Screw it, I'm not going to die in Harlem, Detroit!!!" he screamed ponderously. He spit ouut the M9 magazine, and it clattered clumsily to the floor. He watched as a stream of golden bullets dripped down through a clear tube into his M9, the only gun his father had ever let him hold. The bullets dripped through the tube that entered into his hand, and straight into the barrell, sexily. For reasons he couldn't understand, his vision began to cloud and narrow. He could feel the flute that had been given to him by his first wife when he was trying to save the planet Kataan. Brett felt like he was losing himself. He thought of Ellen, and his policeman, and big bears and short men with hairy chests that looked like an 5'5 teenage boy. He thought of his dog, a Siamese/Calico mix that was as burly as a bear-dog. He thought of Rice and sticks, his favorite meal, and of his favorite cartoons, Dilbert and Friends. --------------------------------------------------------------------- "Ben? Ben, can you hear me?" He was confused. He was once again on his back, this time in a differently lit and appointed room. Why were they calling him Ben? His name was Brett, wasn't it? A Bear of a man, burly, really big, enormous and powerful. He felt a dull throbbing at his temple. He struggled, but eventually was able to raise his hands to his head and could feel the stitches. "Where the hell am I? And why are you calling me Ben? My name is Brett...wait...wait...what the fuck is wrong with my voice?" "Ben, you'll remember. You were in an accident. You've been in a coma for days; and we had to perform emergency surgery to remove pressure on your brain. But you're going to be OK. Now, I need you to rest. I'll get someone up here to see you." Ben was panicked. "Where's my M9? Where's Ellen?! " "Ellen?" replied the doctor...I'll ask your wife. Is that a friend of yours? Ben said nothing. Brett needed to rest, on account of the taxing nature of being so burly and strong. ------------------------------------------- When Ben next awoke, he realized Brett was gone. He wasn't strong, nor was he a Hawthorne but a lowly Shapiro. The pressure on his brain had made him more of a man than he had ever been. He had caught his reflection in the TV once it had been turned off of Fox's Steve Doocey. Rather than a burly man, his dimensions had flipped like John Kerry on a Swift boat. 5 foot six on a good day, 135 pounds, with a 4-5 pounds at the midsection that he now remembered that his wife called the "Shapiro Shuffle", and that eclipsed his view of his micropenis. In the darkness he wanted to be Brett again. He wanted his M9. In the darkness, he wanted his best friend, Policeman. In the darkness, he yearned yearningly for the touch of Ellen. Most of all, in the darkness, he wanted to once again be burly and tall and strong, with a voice that sounded of a man and a force of will and power that commanded armies. In the darkness, Ben stared at the metal tray that had been brought to him with a selection of bland foods. In the darkness Ben made a plan. In the darkness, Brett slammed the tray into his temple, over and over again, in hopes of rebirth. FIN

For anyone not from the Detroit area, 8 Mile Road is the border between the actual City of Detroit and its northern suburbs. It's a major road that nearly all businesses, so hardly anyone lives on. It's also not a particularly bad part of town. If Ben had done more than Google Eminem songs, he'd have found out the bad parts of Detroit are much deeper in the city.

I would add that the worship of the 'strong man' is usually about a longing for fascism. Which probably doesn't surprise anyone. Ben is Jewish - does he really think he'll be spared when the "the Jews will not replace us" comes around?

Can you guys do an episode on Ben Shapiro? This novel makes him sound really bad but I've never looked into him

I can't imagine why Ben's TV writing career never took off, it just boggles the mind. 😂

As someone from MN, I can vouch that’s how we treat our wounds in the winter- just go outside to stop the bleeding. It’s also why deer hunting is so treacherous- those oversized rats just won’t bleed out after first snow. ( 🤦🏼‍♀️)

i was so happy when i realized there actually _is_ a part 2 to this

I mean we did ACTUALLY sell Sadam weaponized smallpox WHAT MORE DOES HE WANT 😩

When you're Ben Shapiro, everyone looks like a Big Bear of a Man in comparison.

Thanks to Katy for reminding me this was only one book lmao

It would make a great movie.

You read this so that I don't have to Thanks for taking a bullet for me, babe

Not knowing how the book ends my predictions is that their predictions are more coherent and 'better' than what is actually in the book.

This book gives off like five or six roentgens of Hitler particles every second.

This is so bad that it's good. Love the Audiobook idea...let me read for the Bubba role!

Ben Shapiro, ambition far far far outweighs talent. IF he wanted to real writer he should have went to Full Sail for a creative writing degree. Or this manuscript should be used like a Kobayashi Maru test from Star Trek but for editors and not Starship Captains.

I'm pretty sure Beenie Shapeenie thought he'd written his "Bonfire of the Vanities", here. Also pretty sure he's wrong about that.

The Chapo boys thought the lady with the sexy fingers was a reference to Valerie Jarrett.

Ben, just get it over with. Either go to the gym, swole up and join the army, or admit you're a coward and would rather write about the kind of person you wish you were.

Haha I LOVE this!!!! Hahahahaha how can a woman NOT find Ben cringe? I mean not cringe enough to marry him? Haha lol

Amazing, I'm learning so much ! Mostly that to avoid Ben Shapiro in all forms .

Where the rest?

This would be a very short book if Ben Shapiro only wrote about "things he understands". Do any of his characters have oddly strong opinions about fictional characters?

This is truly one of the opuses of all times.

GANG AGE 16:18

This book would be awesome if every chapter ended with - and then he checked the magazine of his 9mm. "Damn empty."

Katie hand in marriage pls

That background music is very distracting. Sounds like someone is banging sticks on everything in the studio. Glad it's only the intro music, that would have ruined this entire podcast.