I sit next to someone who has social anxiety and I have social anxiety. We are the only two people sitting in our department and let me tell you the silence in the room is unlike anything I've ever experienced. Without another person filling the void him and I will spend 8 hours a day next to each other with only "good morning" and "have a good night" be our only interactions. The funniest part, we have the same birthday.

Since I was quite literally conditioned to “only speak when spoken to” by every adult figure in my childhood, I’m not really surprised by how I act.

I don't speak that much but I'm really improving now. I feel like my opinion isn't needed, and it used to be that I'd only speak to raise a factual point and never my own opinion. Now I've made the conclusion that people are less comfortable around me because they don't know what I think, and thus while people rarely dislike me, they also feel like I don't see them as a friend or similar. Now I've began just blurting things out, and sometimes I say the wrong things and it makes me really want to just speak only in facts again, but looking back now I feel much closer to the people I call friends, and they are much more willing to invite me because they know now that I enjoy spending time with them and I do pay attention to what they say and what they do. I'm not completely there yet, but I think just taking the hit, saying things of no value to a conversation, actually do have value because when people know where my headspace is, they don't have to assume how I feel about them which is almost always positive, but other people usually assume it's negative or at the very least indifferent which is still not a mood that will make you want to invite that person. Update: I didn't intend to edit this comment at all but it seems to be pretty active recently and the replies are all very positive. I wouldn't say I'm "normal" when it comes to social interaction, but I'm a whole lot better at it and a whole lot more confident. A side effect of speaking more is that a lot of people think I'm autistic, and honestly I agree with them. If I do indeed have autism then it makes a lot of sense why I struggled so much with speaking "normally" and thus tried to avoid it altogether. I'm getting invited more frequently to outings, and I even had a relationship for a while. I don't agree with the typical "just be yourself" advice because I wouldn't say I'm any more or less of "myself" but I'm certainly a version of myself that others can be more comfortable around and once they understand that side of me I can then be as reserved as I once was and they can accept that side of me too. Some people still see me as weird, possibly weirder than I would've been had I said nothing, but those people never would've been my close friends so it's a worthwhile tradeoff. Hopefully if you're in a similar situation you can figure out your own solution. There's no easy way to explain what I'm doing differently so it might not be as easy as reading a UKposts comment but no matter how long you've felt this way, if you never stop trying to improve your life then things will get better. If you give up they'll only stay as they are.

"Don't carry the whole conversation" as someone who is socially anxious this really great advice. i always always always forget that i don't need to say more than a few simple words. This eases the pressure. IDK why i think that i need to talk a lot.

I love how Dr.K goes all caveman like and starts scribbeling on the wall showing fellow tribe members a simplification of what he is trying to communicate.

It's not that I'm scared people will think I'm stupid or anything but I don't speak up about anything because I just have no life experiences or anything to talk about, it's quite literally impossible for small talk to happen

My mom used to pick my brother, my sister and me up after school. While driving she asked us how our day was, but when I wanted to speak up I always got shut down with "let your older brother talk, you can tell me about it later". When my brother finished talking I had already forgotten what the exiting news where or got lost in a daydream. My father was always late a work, I only saw him when he tucked us kids into bed. I always asked questions like "what came first, the hen or the egg" I remember laying in bed and thinking about what I was going to ask him tonight. One day he stopped saying good night. I was pretty good in class and volunteered to answer their questions, but after a while I started to notice teachers rather asked someone who didn't volunteered. So I stopped volunteering, and teachers still didn't call my name to let me speak. There were days I didn't say a single word in class. I felt ignored at home and wanted to fill that lack of attention by being the best at school to get the attention of my teachers. Sorry about my rambling, I wanted to write those memorys down. If you are reading this, have a nice day!

The worst is attempting to speak more and being met by nothing but awkward silence. I kinda feel like relapsing back into silence cause talking always brings up the possibility of conflict or rejection.

I started my exposure therapy by saying hi to whomever I encountered in the hallway of my apartment building. It was terrifying at first because I was one of those people who'd wait until the hallway was empty before I emerged from my apartment. Now it's almost effortless, and I can socialize in a variety of other ways too :)

I guess the lesson is that you don't "break out" of your comfort zone, you expand it

Just throwing this out there because I know I’m not the only one, growing up on 4chan and Reddit gave me a lifelong fear of being cringe that turned my natural quiet nature into intense social anxiety. I was terrified of being judged or especially being annoying. It took me years to realize, then more years to work through.

I notice it is usually much easier to initiate interaction with people, when you keep it sort of... out of focus. Not the main goal or task, but as something on the side while you're busy building something or working on something. Especially if it's a group activity. I guess after all, there really is something to those 'silly' team building exercises, or building clay volcanos or some papier maché hats in a group as ice breakers.🤔

At the beginning of my previous semester, a professor had us get into little groups in a Discord channel in the first session of his class. Everyone basically joined a random channel, and i just disabled my anxiety-ridden brain for a second and joined a channel where a guy had an anime profile pic (might as well take that as an indicator to try). From our inital conversations i quickly realized that he shared basically the exact same interests as me, down to quite a niche level. Since the class was entirely online, i never actually met him (still haven't), and only got to interact with him briefly once a week. When the final test of the class closed in, i mustered up the courage to suggest that we could prepare for it together (since the professor also explicitly said that the test could be completed in a group). In the following weeks, we prepared for the test and he suggested we should hang out together online in the future. In the past ~2 months, i started regularly hanging out with him and his group of pals on their Discord server and we hang out together and play games until the early hours basically every day now (it's between semesters rn). Our interests are basically identical, i can earnestly talk about things with him that i thought i would never be able to with anyone ever, for hours on end. It's almost like meeting a lost twin, brother or soulmate. Maybe this is hyperbole, but i honestly never had as much hope as i have now. This is the first time in my life that i opened up, triumphed over my instinct to curl into a ball - and i have had the world opened up to me. I always considered myself exceedingly unlucky, miserable, inept, useless and hopeless. But this one time in my life, i was unbelievably lucky. I have to honestly thank that professor one day; from the get go he had as form groups and gave us the unexpected option to also write the test in that group. I had the luck to join the right Discord channel, with the right people in it, only guided by a literal anime profile pic. I can't even imagine where i would be at now if i had not attended the online class introduction that day, not joined that specific channel, and not reignited contact later that semester. It's like i finally bumped into a friend that lived his whole life beside me, unnoticed. I honestly expected to just waste away and eventually wither, but now i finally have something i can look forward to. In a few days i will return to the city i study at (my first 3 semesters were basically purely digital) and we already plan to hang out in our free time. There's so many things i want to do, to catch up on years and years of youth that didn't happen and of which i thought they never would. I'm rambling on, but one last thing: Please, please have hope. When i first watched videos on this channel, i was in a miserable limbo between a wasted youth and a future without prospects, but now - by grabbing the one chance i got and running with it - i belive i might have my "college debut" yet, and kickstart a proper life. Defeat resignation and hesistation in that one critical moment - and triumph. Alles wird gut.

"We know if we don't talk to anyone, like sure we're gonna be kinda miserable, but at least we'll be safe." (5:42) That was just worded so perfectly, it's exactly what goes on in my mind.

One issue I used to deal with a lot back when I had bad anxiety was the notion of consistency in personality. Especially when meeting new people one day I would build-up the courage to introduce myself and we will talk but the next day I would feel more and more anxious and would feel like I would I have to keep that up

You don't speak unless you're spoken to because when you do speak you just get disrespected and put down.

Damn this hits home. I recently went to a book release convention for my favorite author. I'm surrounded by people with similar interest and could probably have had some amazing discussions and met cool people...except I didn't speak to anyone unless they commented on what I was wearing. The event was a great experience, but as usual I left it just feeling lonely. I really do have a problem where, if I know I should be the one to engage with someone, I just feel like I'm bothering them. It's a vicious cycle.

I like how the chat is gone. Brings more peace to the screen and less distraction.

I don’t struggle with initiating conversation with people, I just don’t know how to structure my sentences sometimes. I really struggle with articulation like… explaining myself lol

Well before i became ~15 years old i tried to be sociable and talk with people, but nobody was interested in what im saying and always interrupted my talk. Always. So at first i stopped talking - because nobody was respect my talk - and i thought my taciturnity will make situations when im speak more valuable. Well, i was really wrong So at end i just quit talking with people that dont respect me - and basically became a man without any company. At all, i was talking almost with nobody. And i tried, but couldn't became part of any other group of people Now i dont know how to speak in groups of people, how to find these groups, how to behave around people And im lonely.

If it helps, if you say "hi" the other person will respond "hey" and promptly forget you exist.

if I’ve been silent for too long, I feel like it’s too late to talk and I just accept the ‘quiet’ label. It’s a vicious cycle

On top of never speaking lol, I have trouble ever actually seeing anyone as a friend. I made like 4 “friends” last semester in a lab class and we still talk often. Found out one of them lives in my building and we talk every day. Even signed up for similar classes for the fall. But I just have this overhead feeling that eventually it’ll all come to an end. I’ve never had any “bad” friendship experiences but I assume this every single time. So much so that I may even start acting in ways or saying things to expedite the end of it. And it gives me a sort of safety self satisfaction? Like “yeah, I knew it. I was right”. And then the loneliness continues. But as you said, im miserable, but im safe. So it doens’t matter. And after watching this I gather that it’s probably because I haven’t had many friendship experiences in general so the longer things go on, the less certain I am of an outcome so my brain is naturally looking for “the end”. Even though friendship is usually an allegedly infinite thing.

My log: *Monday* Me: “Hey how are you?” Them: “Good, and you?” *Tuesday* Anxiety, skipped *Wednesday* Me: “How’re the sandwiches?” Them: “this…this is a lecture hall…” *Thursday* Me: Voice cracks “I THINK ILL HAVE SALAD” Them: “Are you..do you need help?” *Friday* Me: “Hey Vanessa I was wondering what your name was we’ve been talking all week” Them: “How do you know my name?” *Friday Night* Me: “My fish was undercooked but it’s ok” The Cops: “what?” I’ll post more when I’m out guys, so far so good

“It’s not a comfort zone it’s a safety zone” I guess that makes sense or I’d feel comfortable not saying anything… I feel safe but I don’t feel comfortable!

So I'm sitting through this video going "pretty easy, I do this a lot" (just saying hi or saying thank you to a cashier seems like common courtesy) then he says "tell the waiter when you don't like your meal" and I swear that phrase alone sparked some sort of fight-or-flight in me because my heart rate IMMEDIATELY shot up

I feel this a lot. For most of my life I was always criticized/made fun of for what I said. Ive tried to be more sociable but I usually end up getting patronized or ignored. Always left out in family gatherings always left out in social events, I always assume people dont want to hear me talk, so now I just dont say anything unless someone asks me something. I cant even participate in family discussions during dinner, because they always assumed I didnt want to talk. Thats not the truth, I WANT to talk but Ik I wont be taken as seriously for it. I WANT to be included, I WANT do normal human things, I dunno if its anxiety or depression or something but I sort of expect to not attain these things.

This guy is amazing. I know it's his job to do this, but he truly cares. Thank you for the inspiration and helping me believe in myself, Dr. K!

The hypothetical scenario where the waiter and the person at the bus stop and the person in the class all meet at the party and talk about you was not only hilarious, but an amazing illustration of the ridiculousness of your minds fear mongering. I needed to hear that. ❤

wish i had seen this ten years ago. gets so much harder to meet new people when you're an adult

This is exactly what I started to do in my teens to learn how to be more "normal" and "interesting" to talk to. I definitely started off with some sort of planned scripts that I overthought every night but then slowly things started coming more naturally as I learnt how people usually react to certain things I say, and I used those experiences to find even more "options in the script". Then at some point I started to genuinely like having random, short conversations with strangers just for the sake of connecting with another person for a moment. It really helps you feel like you're part of society. Also, the thing that helped me most was to realise that I could just start conversations to amuse myself. Not to connect to a specific person, not to befriend someone, but just to pass the time. Loooots of people like that, especially older folk and people bored at work. And if someone doesn't respond, they clearly don't like to pass time in the same way as me, and that's ok. Sometimes somebody else nearby starts talking with me instead. I still just say random shit that comes to mind to amuse myself and maybe make someone else laugh, which makes me feel good too. So, it really does get better and easier with each small interaction. Excellent video, thanks man!

Just reading the title here lol. It's actually pretty common for neurodivergent people to not do something unless they're told to or being asked directly to do so, especially since our executive function doesn't let us know what we're supposed to do. However, with people I know personally is much easier to know their pattern/preference so I can just ask them this, this and that because they're interested in this but with people I barely know my mind just goes into "where dafuq do i even start", it turns into small talks and then it annoys me haha

Totally agree with the mind holding on to bad experiences. 5 years ago I was in New York city and I got a stomach flu. I ate a banana before I started throwing up and I still gag almost everytime I eat a banana. I feel like school does the same thing to people in social situations. You get laughed at or bullied you eventually start to think people are just gonna be dicks in the real world.

I have the exact opposite problem. I'm usually pretty chatty once I warm up to social situations, but then I always feel like a moron because I talked way too much.

People saying “don’t speak unless you’re spoken to” has always been so silly to me, because if both people go by those rules, how can friendships ever be formed?

I don't speak at all unless someone talks to me first. I sit alone in class and I can feel everyone stare at me whenever I walk in. I know they dislike me and it's too late for me to change cause it's already been a year since I joined this school. It would be weird if I suddenly spoke to everyone.

"You Don’t Speak Unless You Are Spoken To" I do that naturally since I don't ever have anything to say to people. I mean, I think a lot I have stuff on my mind I just think they don't care or they don't want to listen. That's why I talk alot more with friends or family since they're someone who actually cares about me so I can just casually speak with them unlike strangers.

It’s important to remember the comedic aspect of your social anxiety. It’s really hilarious

I approach social interaction as playing tennis, if someone plays decent tennis I engage more often with them. If they on the other hand are shitty at tennis and don’t know how to play accordingly I engage with them less often since it creates a lot of frustration and stress

BRO YOU DON'T KNOW HOW MUCH THIS VIDEO IS HELPING ME I'VE BEEN STRUGGLING WITHTHIS ISSUE ALL MY LIFE! Im Turing 19 next year and with the pandemic stuff and my introvert ass has not been socially active for 2 years which makes me even more socially awkward thanks to this I'mma start to apply the knowledge I got in this video to improve myself thank you

I usually don’t speak up first because I genuinely dislike conversation, I find it very boring most of the time. I spend 95% of my day concentrating intensely on something, usually talking to people is the least of my concerns. It should also be noted that I don’t often feel lonely, so I don’t suffer from the desire to socialize with others more than an hour a day.

I just wanted to leave an idea for the restaurant issue: I went to a Vietnamese restaurant once, not having a clue about the dishes. Luckily, I knew what I wanted (duck + rice), but not what to order. So I asked the waiter which one of the dishes was hot and salty. He showed me, I thanked him and ordered. Maybe somebody can make use of this.

Damn I wish dr K existed when I was younger. A lot of the stuff he says I had to figure out on my own (and I still can't express it as eloquently as he can ofc). But as a millenial nearing his 30s, I can vouch that you should listen to what this man has to say

This is scary accurate, Dr, it does really feel like you're inside my head, you have successfully been able to predict every single thought that goes through my mind whenever I'm socialzing

I was cackling through this whole video because it’s so true 😂 my social anxiety makes me think the worst and then I feel the need to plan everything out. It’s a lot easier once you take that first step

i love that this channel exists. Even with some of the situations I don't necessarily struggle with, as an example this video ( I do struggle a tiny bit to make friends and to initiate conversation but i've started uni and have a couple of people I sit with ), it shows how are minds are all different. Your videos have helped me alot. Thank you Dr. K 😁😇

This hits close to home. As someone with a speech disorder, getting bullied and mocked for it has definitely became a bigger hurdle for me to randomly talk to people. I always thought high school was where it'll stop, but going into university and still getting mocked by a handful of people was tough. Of course not everyone are like that, and I do have people I still regard as friends since they understood what I'm going through. But as Dr. K said, that couple of negative experiences alone was enough to scar me that I went through 4 years of university only talking to my close friends. Though during my final year I decided to try to greet some of my coursemates when I met them in the hallway or waiting outside of class and then they started to open up to me as well. That final year was the most memorable for me and now I always try my best to just smile and say hi to people when we crossed path.

I have the same problem, but I find that my protective thoughts are right close to 100% of the time. I end up being ridiculed and alienated by the people I try to interact with. So the idea that I am a bother to people is valid. I appreciate these videos and I want to change myself, thank you for the content.

I used to never know what to say in social settings, I realized I never really paid that much attention to people, what they were saying, and what I received about them. As soon as I stopped giving my thoughts so much attention, my curiosity about people and my ability to bounce off of them skyrocketed. It’s like meditation but instead of observing your own thoughts and feelings you’re observing others

When I saw the title of this video it really spoke to the issues I’m facing socially. I often feel as though I have nothing valuable to say which keeps me silent. I realise that this is a problem with filtering myself but it’s super difficult to break the habit

I REALLY needed this - saving it to re-watch, as I'm sure I'll need a refresher/reminder more than once. I have a hard time initiating conversations even with close friends... Even with them, I always feel like I don't have anything interesting to say or any interesting experiences to share so I usually just sit in the group and let others talk rather than bring anything up.

This would have been so great to hear when I was in grade school. I hope this video helps a lot of people. I eventually learned shouldn't try to carry a whole conversation by myself (among other things), and the realization really helped me feel more comfortable in situations that I used to feel extremely awkward in, but it took a long time for me to figure it out myself.

i needed this, thank you. i am going out with a girl i really really like and was kinda nervous but, the more i interact with people, i realize the best option for conversation is always just being yourself and asking and talking about the things that i actually like to engage with, instead of just trying to find the “right way “ to approach someone. also, i realized that if people want you in there life, you will know. so just let it all flow stop trying to be ten steps ahead on a conversation and just stay in the now. be more reactive and listen to what they want to communicate , instead of just trying to map out a conversation. love your videos doc

I’m a very introverted person. Ever since quarantine, making conversation and hoping it goes fine would be a train wreck of an idea since I’ve developed a sort of social anxiety and awkardness. I’ve socially isolated from even my closest of friends. A year in quarantine I haven’t really connected with society since school has been online and all that. When physical school came, I struggled with talking, I was scared of my image, and the results of things I would say. I realized I needed to take a 180 of where I was going, to stop being the quiet shy kid and express myself how I want to be seen. Being social is a necessary life skill anyways. I made effort to talk and I got a little more used to saying stuff from my mind without giving much of a second thought. Made a couple friends, made school a less boring experience and just grateful I could do these things. I have much to learn and I’m far from my goals but I need to stay optimistic. You don’t know if you never try, don’t be scared of being out there because most of the time the only person judging you is yourself!

There's no reason to talk/speak purely for the sake of it. If there's nothing worth saying, then there isn't a reason to say something. If there is something worth saying, then say something. Silence is just as valuable as conversation. The only problem comes from a person not being able to initiate conversation or respond when they want to speak. That is to say, wanting to do something but being unable to do it is completely different than not wanting to do something but able to if that want changes. I think a lot of people honestly need to spend more time thinking and listening than talking; those are valuable communication skills.

the best advice i ever got that i still hear in my self consciousness is- “not every first interaction has to be perfect” the context she later explained was that i shouldnt waste time in being what we what to think we are, everything is always changing anyways. you* cant waste the time we have right now on what we all waste time on later on. now it’s when you can do something so do something and start small

Bro. How does Dr K keep dropping videos that are so relevant to what is going on in my life. Like spot on. Just had a situation where I should have talked to this women at a party that was friends with a couple of my friends..had multiple opportunities to say hi and I chickened out. Definitely frustrated with my self. Hopefully this video helps!

The biggest thing that's helped me let go from this and social resistance I feel with being myself in public is this idea; You are so focused on yourself that you only percieve what interacts with you, it's like you have a bubble of isolation around you. If that's true for you then it's likely true for others which means that everyone has a limited perception of those around them. Which in turn means that despite everyone having a clear understanding and judgment of others they have a limited perception of the room and an even more limited perception of strangers and people doing their own thing. I'm a watcher in social settings - i like to chill and observe which puts me in the non-interactive category most of the time. I'm content with this but if im not and want to engage with someone then I understand that they or others are not going to really be paying attention to me and what I'm doing because they're so focused on themselves so i can free myself of the resistance because there isnt any until they get to know me personally and at that point Im already comfortable enough to be myself around them.

Dr. K it’s been about 3 years now I’ve used your content, thanks for sharing your wisdoms. I sincerely love you for that!

Yeesh this hits home, for sure. I absolutely understand the self-imposed impression that I'm inconveniencing or bothering other people just by being there or attempting to communicate with them

I'm so guilty of trying to carry whole conversations on my own. I am really, REALLY socially anxious, but I also hate myself enough to throw myself into terrifying situations sometimes just to challenge myself, and hope that maybe with more experience I get desensitized to it, and with time I became pretty good at coming up with something, anything to talk about to escape the horror of awkward silence. But what happens is I end up just going through my mental flowchart and playing the conversation simulator. I really need to work on just remembering that there are at least two people involved in the interaction and if the interaction doesn't go well it's not necessarily purely my fault. It takes two to make a cringy conversation. We're in this nighmare together, lol.

As someone whose on the other side of this and started out as a super anxious person who couldn't speak without a stutter, this is basically how I did it. Just keep going forward even if you feels like your progress is going at negative 10 percent everytime you have an interaction. You'll be surprised how much you actually progress in a year. Thinking back will always give you confidence and motivation to keep going on.

I don't know how you just happened to post exactly what I needed today. I'm asking someone out tomorrow and I tend to have this problem. Thanks Dr. K

I received great advice from somebody about this kind of thing. He was an ex-con who flipped his life around at we worked together at Home Depot. I went to him for advice on this and all he did was rephrase the “just be yourself, put yourself out there” and he said to me, “talk to people like you know them.” I have never received better advice in my life

That's one of the things I learned and what I tell people who are worried about big zoom meetings; "don't worry too much of others judging how you look on your camera; the rest of us are usually too worried about how we look on our own cameras"

As someone who has a very hard time making it to a therapist, I often have to figure things out on my own. Most problems I face, it's not a problem of me not knowing how to fix it, it's a problem of not knowing where to start to be able to fix it. HealthyGamerGG's channel has already enriched my life so much with videos like this, because they always help me figure out a good starting point that I can work from. Doctor K is the GOAT.

I love your videos, found them today, and a lot of the problems you bring up I suffer and had no explanation for. It feels nice having an explanation instead of thinking that I'm different.

I am so glad you have a UKposts channel. Honestly i always felt that i was the only one having these types of problems. It really inspired me to improve on myself.

Ive struggled with this alot. I like how you compare the hump to activation energy. For some of us it takes alot more energy than others. But breaking down the components that go into the fear makes it alot easier to tackle. Im going to try some of these, thanks!

I feel like I am in a weird situation. Im pretty introverted, but not socially awkward, but I don't engage in any sort of social interraction unless it comes to me. I never ask anyone how they are doing, I never ask anyone anything about themselves and when I do, it's forced to make me seem interested. I did not know I did this till recently. Home situation has changed my mom encourages me to to "be more polite" and talk more, be more social, if not just at home, show that I care about them and people. Thing is, I can't. I try to make her understand that none of what I do is concious. Im not refraining from saying hello, or asking about your day, I just did not think about it. She tells me I can learn, and if it just start doing it I will keep doing it. I will not act like I care just to make others feel good. I do try to be extra polite at work and she asks why I can't do the same at home or in social situations, and frankly, I can't say why.

I can’t express enough how much this specific video helped me. Thank you.

I never realized how helpful and relatable all of the gamer-speak would be. I used to play starcraft, and that RTS reference at the end made a ton of sense to me

Everything he said in this vid, and I mean everything, applied to me. The exact thought patterns going to uni after 2 yr pandemic isolation. Thank you! I’ll try these tips moving forward.

I recently took up volunteering as a translator, to freshen up my first language and to "get to know" people (especially to get a tiny girp of what is happening between Ukraine and my country and with people who are fleeing from there). While I'm still technically getting spoken to first, I sometimes need to take the Initiative and coordinate 15 people on myself, who sometimes all wait and have (sometimes strong) need for my "service" all of a sudden. It is a good way to learn how to convey important topics and being aware not only on what one is saying but also on how. Some need comforting and some need a strict and direct answer. In the end you can't please everyone, especially when you do not know the answer, but that's ok, just like in everyday situations. At least it helped me to get some self-assurance. I know this sounded a bit off-topic but in my case I think it helped me to engage people more openly, especially when I find myself being interested in them and I am by no means a social creature at any means.

The last comment about not carrying the conversation is something I never thought about and I will definitely take it to heart. Thank you

This is literally what I went through a few months ago after being isolated homeschooled for 2 years of my highschool life. My 3rd year I decided to give school a try and I had the exact same problem. It’s my junior year, I’m the new kid and everyone there has been friends since kindergarten. I had the exact same experience as the guy on Reddit. I lasted 3 months until I couldn’t take it anymore and went back to homeschooling. I’ve been isolated at home being homeschooled on a website ever since and it’s already the end of my junior year. I’m really unhealthy and have a bad sleep schedule bc of my easy introverted life. So my junior year went by so fast I didn’t even notice it was May. My parents might force me to go to a real school for my last year of highschool so this is a huge help. Having this video randomly on my recommended is so convenient for me I was shocked by how similar my situation is with this Reddit person and got the help I didn’t know I needed from this content creator that btw I’ve never watched before. I’ve only seen him talk to XQC that one time. But thank you HealthyGamerGG and thank you UKposts algorithm. I wasn’t gonna comment on this video but HealthyGamerGG’s advice has impacted me so much that I just felt like sharing my story out there. I have hope it won’t be the same like last time and try these steps to prevent how anxious and depressed I felt before. Wish me luck on my senior year!!

A friend of mine helped me by asking me to think about the worst possible outcome of speaking to someone. Like what is the likelihood that they will "blow up on you and denounce you!" Most people are helpful or neutral especially if you're at least part of community together like school, church, sport whatever. The black swan event you fear is really so unrealistic you can laugh at it. Then you just have to have a good response ready for getting a bad reaction. "Sorry for bothering you." Most people aren't really concerned with random interactions. They aren't spending all their time worrying about what "you" said to them. So if you do something awkward most people are going to shrug and move on with their life.

Wow I was just thinking this today. I’m always afraid of coming off corny when I speak so I tend to just not speak.

Honestly I’m going through the exact same thing, I’ll give this a watch. Thanks Dr.K.

This taps into something I realised myself. You are capable of imagining things that don't exist, right? Therefore you are capable of imagining horrors far worse than the reality. Fear is your imagination running wild and imprisoning you within an illusion.

One of the tricks I've gotten comfortable with to build confidence is to just say silly or random shit in response to events, as opposed to just people. It becomes a lot easier to speak to people when you've built that comfort on a general scale amongst a group. Plus, it sets a certain tone for other people to pretty much show them what you're about and build familiarity on their end while also letting you gauge their reactions to know who's 'safe' to talk to. There's also the biggest factor that I don't really have to do anything after the initial moment, since I'm not addressing anyone directly.

I've never felt so so insulted yet perfectly understood by a video title. All of the worst case scenarios concocted by the brain as a result of initiating a conversation cited by Dr. K are spot on. It's scary how despite the jarringly obvious irrationality of these fears, especially when said out loud like in this video, I can't seem to possibly surmount the invisible barrier and allow myself to wallow in the tentalizing green grass on the other side. The asking price simply breaks the mental bank for me.

Ive been doing sooo well lately. My anxiety has been so crippling for about 10 or so years that id drive to the store and end up driving back in without getting out of the car at all. But ive improved so much in the last few months! It began hard to do normal adult things. I still think about saying things that I never say in a conversation, but im getting so much better. Having to talk doing my new work from home job has played a part in it

This post feels like it finally put all of my issues into words.. Man am I glad this was recommended to me. Incredibly insightful!

"Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today" - Jordan Peterson.

If we're all approaching strangers all the time in public, how come nobody has ever come to me and struck up a conversation?

Dr. k, we all know you are a psychiatrist and you deal with all sorts of patients but it just amazes me how much clarity of thought you have while you address an issue. I love your channel. Thanks ❤

Tbh I often just don't know what to talk about with these people.

I find that I am confident enough to speak to just about anyone, but I rarely have anything to say. My mind either drifts off or over-analyzes the situation in an attempt to find something to say, but it rarely comes naturally during organic conversation.

Wow. Been watching these for awhile and this is the first one that I can completely relate to. Thanks for the Advice

Every time I think of an issue of mine dr k comes in clutch with a new upload

I consider myself an outspoken person (introspective but at the same time outspoken). I hate people that only "answer" you and don't actually talk to you, with those people I avoid to talk to, but by trial and error I eventually come to meet people that are more open to talk just like I am. And I prefer meeting both good and bad people then not meeting nobody by just waiting to talk to people that talk to me.

Putting yourself put there seems so hard when youve been hit with the "Nobody asked" multiple times. Any time i put myself in a conversation trying to be part of the group i get that. Obviously not any time but enough times that im scared to join a conversation with people

The most unfair fight is the one with yourself as you know precisely what to say and do to get yourself down. You don't need to take your internal bully so seriously all of the time. Be well everyone and thanks for the video.

first time watching a full vid of urs and i must say that this is amazing, i never wanted to talk openly about my anxiety because i felt like no one would get it and give me sufficient advice, until now. Subbed, gonna continue to work on my self and keep watching ur vid, ur a great guy Dr. K. ty

Man I've been living with this since middle school, most friends I made were because they talked to me first. It's was kind of funny to hear someone mention all my specific thoughts of how much I'll inconvenience people because I feel like I'm the only one that thinks like this.

Loved this video, i think it describes the anxiety I experienced throughout middleschool/highschool/college. I never went to lunch throughout school, i would instead sit alone on the bathroom floor until i heard the bell to avoid contact with my peers lol. I don’t know why but at some point in my young adult life, my anxiety seriously dwindled to where now I’m rarely anxious, and when i am its not as intense as it was growing up. Is it that as I developed and experienced more my brain became more accepting of whatever hypothetical scenarios my anxious brain was creating? Is it physiological and brain simply matured more and more? More than likely its a mix of the two, but I’ve often caught myself reflecting on my younger self and wondering how I’ve come so far and feel as though my crippling anxiety is cured? Seriously loved this video

I don’t even know how you do it. As of recently, each video you upload has been so convenient because it relates to my current situation at the time. This video is a prime example of what I’m saying. I have came to the realization that I have had a poor social life for the past few months and as a result, I have nobody to live with for my second year of university :(

One thing that has been helpful is reminding myself that the people you see who don’t struggle with this are proof that people won’t think you’re weird for starting conversation. You aren’t inherently worse than anyone else to the point that them saying hi is fine but you saying hi isn’t.

I feel that working in retail causes this issue by proxy. Any thoughts on this matter? I have worked as a cashier for the last ten years, now I do so under a cannabis dispensary. But interactions are still transactionary, one-sided, and draining of My empathy. I can have dozens of people venting about their bad day or week as they buy weed. This is random and needless to mention but I am Hispanic with a name that is not common. Many people refuse to learn it, acknowledge Me or even get to know Me unless they need something in My experience. I legitimately feel like an NPC who helps people with weed. Yay