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What sucks about the high functioning type is when you're no longer performing well at the job, you feel like you're worth nothing and useless.

Being labeled isn’t always a good thing, but for me ? I felt so validated when I was diagnosed with BPD. I struggled as a kid and I was told by my parents that it’s ‘all in my head’. Watching this video once again made me feel validated

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

I dated a woman who was diagnosed with BPD and it was hard for me definitely but watching these videos helped me TRULY understand how tough and constantly uncomfortable it was for her. She was the angry subtype. Violent as well as depressive. She tried to kill herself in my apartment and would have succeeded if I hadn’t forgotten my wallet when she sent me to the store. I’m glad she’s still alive and glad she is getting the help that she needs and that videos like this exist so that she can get a sense of not being alone.

Speaking from personal experience, I think every individual with BPD will be able to see themselves as more than one type (perhaps all four) in different situations and circumstances.

I love how he let's her actually TALK and finish her thoughts fully. He waits for her to finish speaking, then poses another question. An amazing interviewer.

I was diagnosed with quiet BPD a number of years ago and my psychiatrist described me as an orchid that needs a specific environment in which to bloom. So validating after years of being diagnosed with a bunch of stuff but still felt like there was more going on. Luckily I was able to have ongoing access to a great therapist and DBT therapy and am pretty much a whole new and more evolved person even though I still have daily struggles.

I was diagnosed with BPD when I was 27. Im currently 33. Although I've dealt with it since I was 16-17. Im definitely the Quiet BPD minus having a high functioning job. I've always worked "Dead end" jobs that are very hard to mess up from how simple they are because failure etc give me mental breakdowns. Higher functioning jobs cause me too much stress as well. It also makes it hard to date, maintain friendships, as you all well know. BPD literally takes your life away from you. Its going to be a life long battle. Keep holding your ground.

What exhausting for me, is when my favorite person seems like they're drifting away. It makes me feel isolated, and I can't see anyone else's affection no matter what.

1) quiet bpd 2) petulant 7:40 3) angry/impulsive 12:24 4) depressive/internalized 16:11

Growing up I thought I was cursed. I believed that I could only ever make friends for 3 or 4 months before they’d abandon me. I didn’t realize I feared abandonment until I was diagnosed with this disorder. It was a huge relief that it wasn’t some curse, but something that can be managed!! Thank you Dr. Ramani for your most valuable information. You’re one of my greatest heroes!

My mom was diagnosed bipolar 20 years ago, has been in therapy since then and none of the medications have worked. I was reading more about BPD and realized she checked every. Single. Box. She was misdiagnosed and now she can finally get the right treatment. I’m so excited to see her progress, because I know she’s a wonderful person. She just needs some help.

I wish I could see her professionally.

I was diagnosed borderline today.. this is the first video I’m watching about it and I’m sitting here sobbing 4 minutes in. I’ve felt so crazy for so long and to know that I’m not alone and this is a really thing.. very very relieving.

Holy shit. I've heard a lot of UKposts sign offs. But "What ever you're going through, you got this" is exactly what I needed to hear in this moment.

When I was first diagnosed at 15, I was experiencing all 4 of these "subtypes" at the same time. Through DBT and a lot of work on myself, I seem to have split them into 4 separate moods. I was type 3 from age 17 to 20, while I was in active addiction as well. Then when I got sober, I think I was more type 1 from 20 to 23. I then developed a chronic illness that has landed me in type 4. I'm still there at 28. I can occasionally fall into a type 2 every now and then. It's pretty rare, but it does happen. Just had a minor outburst for the first time in 4 years. It kinda bothers me how she broke it up into different types, and then didn't even address the possibility of experiencing 2 or more at once. But I also feel like my case is very mild now. I consider it to be mostly in remission with some lingering traits. I look back at what I felt when I was diagnosed and I know that I am so much happier now, and my life goes much smoother. I don't react anymore, I am able to thoughtfully respond. I can regulate my emotions for the most part. Romantic relationships can still make me feel crazy sometimes, but I've made a lot of improvements. I've been single for 4 years by choice, which is a big deal. My BPD comes with a fear of being alone and codependency. So I am choosing to be alone so that I can work on those issues. I don't self harm anymore, I don't want to die every day anymore, and I work on improving my other self destructive/impulsive behaviors daily. I can still get suicidal ideation rarely, in times of great pain. But I know I don't want that and I'm able to snap myself back out of it relatively quickly. I guess I am sharing all of this to provide hope to those who will read this. Recovery is possible. I am living proof. When I was diagnosed, my mom literally thought I was possessed by a demon and had someone from our church come bless me. Now, that has become a joke in my family. Keep up the hope. Keep fighting for yourself. Keep trying. DBT and therapy saved my life. You can do this. Much love.

I cried when she started talking about quiet borderline...then she started talking about the 4th type, and i had to catch my breathe. Im gonna go get a therapist tomorrow. gotta end the cycle

what i adore so much about her is that not only is she SO well-spoken but also when she messes up a little word (as it's only natural) she repeats the whole sentence.

My wife has the 3rd sub-type BPD/ NPD.( fits of rage ) We've been married 5yrs and it's been very difficult. Emotionally exhausting. Early on in the relationship I didn't understand what was going on. there were moments I felt like I'd entered the Twilight Zone and was extremely confused by the outburst of rage and anger which caused me to become angry. Once I educated myself on BPD and how to love a person with this disorder we began to make progress slowly but surely. She eventually met with a counselor for weekly sessions which lasted 3or4 months.this did help tremendously. Unfortunately The woman moved back home. If it wasn't for my faith in Jesus and leaning on the power of the Holy Spirit to give me grace I don't think I could handle this.

I’m curious if you’ve ever seen one BPD patient present with multiple subtypes at various stages of life. That seems to be what I’ve experienced. I struggled with rage for many years in my teens and 20’s. I suffered with suicidal ideation during the same times. I now present more like type 1 or 4 (quiet, internalizing, high functioning) but feel I could easily be triggered back to either of the other two depending on the circumstances. And I’ve avoided psychotherapy like the plague for years now because every time I’ve attempted treatment again, I receive a new diagnosis & a new recommended medication (my most recent attempt at this last year resulted in a bipolar diagnosis and an attempt to put me on SSRI’s after a single 45 min session). How is this not irresponsible to diagnose someone and put them on meds with barely scratching the surface and not considering any diagnostic testing? It baffles me.

Until i lash out I feel like it's all trapped in my head. I'm so scared to talk about my mental space because of my fear of rejection and I literally will lie to therapists because I'm so ashamed of it. I just feel like I'll forever be in this constant cycle of needing to vent and wanting help but it all being trapped in my head.

i just want to say THANK YOU for speaking so respectfully of borderlines. i find portrayals of our disorder is often negative and quite offensive.

I’ve never heard of BPD subtypes before! This is super informative and helpful. I truly believe I’m a little of all 4. For me, it all comes down to feeling rejected or abandoned. I am mostly impulsive when I get upset, and often times, rage. I’m learning I also manipulate. I don’t even realize it mostly of the time. My husband pointed it out to me. I think that’s one that is harder for me to swallow, because I also want more than anything to just be a good person and be perceived as a good person. If I could change one thing about this disorder, it would be the manipulation. Thank you for this!

I have had BPD for 34-35 years, and after watching this video, I can definitely see which category I would fit into, but I also can see some aspects of each of this in my life.

I have traits from all 4 subtypes. It's so exhausting to live like this everyday.

Yeah I’m the quiet/internalizing type. Living like that without understanding why I’m always depressed, anxious and empty feeling was by far the biggest reason I was a major pothead and had a drinking problem. I’m a very good nurse now lmfao.

I was diagnosed with BPD since my teenage. I'm a veteran, was actually addicted to alcohol and cigarettes. I suffered severe depression and mental disorder. Got diagnosed with BPD. Not until my wife recommended me to psilocybin mushrooms treatment. Psilocybin treatment saved my life honestly. 8 years totally clean. Much respect to mother nature the great magic shrooms.

I was only recently diagnosed at 19 with BPD and its crazy how validating this is. I was more angry as a kid but now I have depressive, having adhd also doesn’t help either.

Everytime I mention to therapist that I think I have BPD they almost laugh and tell me I don't because they expect somebody loud and childish rather than the quiet type that I am

As a psychotherapist, I am frustrated with the strong negative stigma associated with BPD. It's also not a billable diagnosis with any of the insurers I am credentialed with. I end up billing for anxiety and depression pretty much across the board for my BPD clients. That said, in many cases those suffering with BPD can be among the most motivated in treatment. It's exciting to watch as they develop a sense of self and see their own capacities.

I've survived through life only with psychotherapy and medication. I actually just fired my therapist after three years because I finally diagnosed myself as having CPTSD and BPD - and this came from watching multiple UKposts videos like yours with the answers and of others who suffer from the same emotions as I do. I couldn't figure out why I'm so "different" than other people, but after watching many many videos I was able to compare and relate finally at age 68. My therapist never even responded to my questions of "do I have some sort of PTSD or something"? She would kind of shrug her shoulders and tell me I should get out more, then she would send me links to events that she felt would help me by being more social. I am an introvert, I don't like socializing with a lot of people. Long story getting too long, I appreciate you sharing your knowlege to us who are learning! Thank you

I love how thorough Dr Romani presents. Clearly she knows her stuff and presents it so carefully and articulately i am confident that I am receiving true, and correct informationI

that first one literally blew me away. i just sat here with my mouth wide open cause it felt like you were discribing me to a t.

They diagnosed me as histrionic personality disorder at age 17 when I was admitted to the hospital after trying to commit suicide. Years later while I was having a mental health evaluation, I was diagnosed with borderline. I cannot express the hurt that I felt for, instead of being seen as someone who was suffering, needing to be heard and helped, they disregarded me as an impulsive, attention seeking teenage girl who only wanted her way. After years of therapy and seeking out help and support, I realized was not the case. We need more training. We need to hire better doctors. We need more empathy. Thank you for this video!

I have the angry subtype with the depressive subtype. A mix of those for sure. It's so hard. It affects my relationship so much. I cannot control my rage. It definitely feels extremely out of control and scary for me as I'm experiencing it. These videos are so validating for me as well

I am all of these, depending on the day...High functioning today..but through the years I've been all these...

As someone with borderline personality disorder, I have experienced all 4 subtypes. If it were up to me, I would call them stages instead of subtypes. In my experience, when I would be going through a new traumatic experience I have had episodes or the third “subtype” but with therapy and learning about my disorder, I have been able to go to the first subtype which internalizes it.

This lady is absolutely phenomenal at getting her point across. Major props

Thank you so much for taking the time to make this video. I have BPD. Didn't know there were different types of disorders.

I’ve been diagnosed with BPD and seem to have all the subtypes all put together at the same time, & I tell you it’s a living hell. I’ve also been diagnosed with ADHD, Tourette’s syndrome, and Bipolar disorder. I feel like giving up during so much of my life. I also self medicate to the extreme.

I will say, watching somebody with a borderline diagnosis improve over time is very heartwarming. People write off BPD patients way too quickly, and in private life everybody demonizes them for their erratic behavior. But it makes me happy when I do see a BPD patient improve over time, as they learn to trouble shoot and regulate better.

My love and empathy for those struggling with BPD. I struggle with traits from Quiet BPD + Depressive Internalizing BPD, it can be very tough yall. We're not alone!! I promise it gets better with treatment and practice. Remember: It's okay to not be okay.

I appreciate Dr Ramani so much. She has a great way of explaining these complex topics. Her videos are like a lecture and a therapy session, I leave feeling smarter and calmer.

I appreciate this video. I was recently officially diagnosed BPD after knowing for years I had it. I don't rage at other people - I tend to rage at myself. I'm glad you clarified that's a form of BPD, too.

I was diagnosed with BPD as a teenager, I am now in my mid thirties and have experienced all 4 subtypes at different stages in my life. So the subtypes are accurate, but you don't just have one subtype, it's all four at separate times depending on the stage in life and situations.

I used to just think I was very "real", to not feel like I was special, to not want attention, but it grew into something much more self destructive, mentally.

it’s so frustrating i’ve been researching it for over a year i know i have quiet bpd but i keep on being dismissed and told it’s just depression and trauma. i’m struggling so much and no one believes me

This is the first time I heard my persona correct and in detail. The first one. Never ever was someone so good in describing my inside. Thank you

Four Subtypes: 1. High-Functioning (quiet, internalized) 2. Petulant/Histrionic 3. Angry, externalizing, impulsive 4. Depressive, internalizing, self- defeating, but not High-Functioning in society

quiet bpd individual here 🙋🏻‍♀️ i feel very alone

Thank you so much, Kyle and Dr. Ramani! I've binged your videos, allowing me to understand why I'm the way I am. I have type 1 and tend to absorb the traits of people I'm around. Over time, I've realized I'm a wounded empath, so focusing on my intuition and self-publishing business, I'm learning to be less codependent, which means I can handle the relationship issues more. The perks of being high-functioning is I'm able to handle stress when living the life I need. BPD people deserve love, too.

Thank you Dr. Ramani and MedCircle for the content. While watching I literally identified with all 4 types over different periods of my life. Definitely a 3 in addiction as well, sometimes a 1 as I’ve got my BA and work a very nice career in software (tho with many many job changes over the years), sometimes a 4 as I have developed fibromyalgia and I’ve become slow, tired, and depressed, and then also for years when I was younger, thin and beautiful I had zero sense of self so I developed this charming, coy persona to survive. Now I am just stuck in this gigantic rut and nothing makes me feel better. I am sober but still have the same emotional turmoil that I always have, and no coping skills to deal with it. I have 3 kids that have had to endure my crazy choices, we live a mostly normal life but obvi emotionally dysregulated. I have so much guilt for that! But I just keep telling myself to do the best I can, even tho it often feels like I’m spinning my wheels and I want to give up. I cried for hours when I finally identified with something (BPD). I was looking thru vids to see if I’m a narcissist when a BPD video popped up. It was like a flood gate opened. I am currently seeking a therapist who will use DBT. I am motivated and hopeful. ❤️‍🩹

I've struggled for so many years, I just survive everyday and it's exhausting.

I have BPD and I just started my first job as a therapist! This was super helpful and I love working with people with BPD as well. I honestly agree with the comments and related to all four of these subtypes. Oh and I’m so glad you mentioned trauma informed care!! I am a trauma informed provider. That was the focus of the residencies I went to for grad school ❤️

Fascinating! Thanks for sharing, and I love the ending positive statement, "You Got This!" Also, thanks for having closed captioning available for the hearing-impaired.

This video helped me so much today. I was recently diagnosed and it's been a relief to have some direction to get help and help myself. Today has been a full rage day of "I can't handle this!" "This" being any and all stressors, and usually i just go to sleep bc that's the only way to calm myself. Spent hours fuming and watching this one video helped me calm down surprisingly quickly. MedCircle has been a tremendous help on this wild road of mine and I appreciate all you do so much ❤️

Dr. Ramani is absolutley amazing

I think I went from mainly high functioning to depressive and go back and forth.

I wasn't diagnosed with BPD until my late 20s but I definitely recognize the traits of quiet BPD throughout my 20s. Always people pleasing, taking on too much, raging at myself, etc.

I’m a quiet borderline personality disorder. My mother is the complete opposite. She’s a lot better now than she was when I was a child. It was a nightmare for me.

This is THE most astute conversation about BPD and the overlapping features of it yet!!! Bravo!! I feel utterly heard and validated.

i really feel like i could be the high functioning or the depressive bpd type.. i’ve never been diagnosed with any bpd but i have been diagnosed with depression and anxiety since i was just barely a teenager. regardless, the immense internalized hatred has never been so accurately described and its nice to hear someone say exactly how it feels so properly.

amazing information. all these years of studying psychology, this is the first time learning about the subtypes of BPD. thanks so much for this very valuable info.

watching this and any related material to BPD makes me cry. I hate hate having BPD.

When I was in high school, I was admitted to mental hospitals. They were so quick to tack Bipolar disorder on me. 5 years later, therapists finally realize its boarderline and not bipolar at all. Treatment has been completely different!

I can relate to so many of the comments here, and so much within this video. As a middle aged man that's battled with these issues since childhood, receiving a diagnosis of bpd just a couple of months ago has been the most validating thing to have ever happened to me. I'm awaiting DBT and am open to therapy helping, whereas previously I've been nothing but dismissive of it being able to help, because I was only ever told I was suffering from depression. Now, there are times like this very moment, where I'm watching videos to try and learn more about my condition which would often end in me spiralling and being consumed by suicidal thoughts, just hearing an expert explain why someone with bpd would do that is enough to stop that and actually I just want to learn more. That may well change tomorrow, but at the moment it's helping to know its not just me!

Working with adolescent male delinquents, I have found that there were a LOT of borderline angry externalizing impulsive types. I have said that who would you like to work with? A person that yells at you when they are mad, or a person that will throw a chair when they are angry? It seems to me that there are a lot more male borderlines in our society that end up "locked up" because of their anger. DBT did seem to help them in treatment and I wish it were used with males more. Great video and helpful. Thank you for your presentation.

I deal with narcissists and BPD people every day. The difference between narcissistic rage and BPD rage: When a narcissist rages, they are trying to manipulate you and will never apologize or admit it. When a BPD person rages, they can't help it and will feel bad later and may even apologize. To the target of this rage, BPD rage and narcissistic rage may be indistinguishable in the middle of an episode. The source of the rage is different. The narcissist may play the victim or aggressor for control but the BPD person really does believe they're the victim. One tactic I'm learning is to ask them why they're angry and if it's not very clear or founded, they're just angry in the moment, then it might be that they just can't control it. That's BPD. Another distinction is the flavor and duration of the rage. A narcissist's rage is more calculated and callous. A BPD person's rage shows them to be frazzled and their arguments in the middle of an episode may be incoherent and illogical and anything you say or do will be interpreted as an attack. They may not be able to come down for hours. Let me know how far off I am.

I used to think I was narcissistic but I do experience empathy and feel like an awful person when I don’t do something right that may upset someone. I feel inadequate if someone doesn’t agree with me or like they’re judging, rejecting or totally abandoning me. I hate making mistakes and try to do everything right so no one can question me and if I get it wrong, I feel totally depressed and awful. I struggle so much with identifying my own stance on things and I hate confrontation sometimes. I can’t decide if I have really low self esteem or if there’s something wrong with me. I also think I have adhd. 😔

Dr. Ramoni, you do so well at describing these things. Thank you for sharing your knowledge.

Wow this makes so much sense!! She just described me perfectly as quiet bpd and my son as angry/ impulsive bpd. No wonder it's been so hard all these years.

As the angry impulsive subtype I feel really bad for those around me who have had to deal with me

I have BPD and I’m so pleased that there is finally some good quality information about it that isn’t stigmatising

I was feeling so frustrated cause I'm in a clinic at the moment (after having a burnout at work on top of 10 years of depression) and the psychiatrist here tells me "it's way too early to know but you have traces of BPD." And it got me frustrated for days cause I was thinking "no way, BPD means outbursts and rage and self-harm etc.. I don't even feel anger ever, how can he be saying this to me? it doesn't make any sense, I've been on the lowest of the lowest my whole life" and now that I'm watching this video and seeing there are subcategories, it's all starting to make sense. A lot is starting to make sense. I don't know if he's right, we will see, but I'm way more open to this possible diagnosis now. (I'm basically the 4th one)

I was diagnosed with borderline traits last December. I crashed and admitted myself to the Peter Lougheed CSU (Critical Stabilization Unit) in Calgary. My struggle has been a lifetime. I didn't realize how much I have been fighting and fighting to try and have some small amount of happiness. I always believed that what went on in my head was my fault and that I could overcome; I would overcome god willing. Thank you for what you are doing. After a lifetime of fighting for yourself, you just get tired. I believe I have all 4 BPD traits in this video. Each one represents me. Where does a person turn for help!

ADHD + quiet + depressive + anxiety

Uhhh they seriously need to update the DSM5 🙄

I have spent so long not knowing what's wrong with me...knowing there is some depression, some anxiety, some PTSD, but never feeling like that fully explained it...I am not diagnosed, but the more I see about this, the more I think this might actually be me...it's so hard to hear, especially with it being so closely related to narcissism...but now I may finally know what's been haunting me all these years...I plan to be assessed to know for sure...thank you for this...so much

Thank you for sharing the different facets of this difficult personality disorder. Had never heard of the 1st one!

God, I don’t know if I have BPD, and I’m not diagnosed by a professional with it(though I have been diagnosed with Anxiety, Depression and possible PTSD.) but I’ve never felt as though my disorders fit me and truly described what I was going through. BPD describes everything, but I don’t know if I’m just overreacting or if I’m actually on to something here, it’s so frustrating not knowing.

I’m the quiet/internalized kind and I’ve found that doing research on the different types has made me feel incredibly validated. I was told years ago but I never resonated because I was told they’re obsessive/dependent but that’s not me, it’s the opposite. I figured I had different issues and felt hopeless. My new psychiatrist did confirm my BPD and his explanation of the types and these videos made me feel better and understood. I don’t have healthy coping mechanisms but I’m aiming to get help!

Yes!… extremely informative. Love your attention to the nuances. Thank you.

I literally burst into tears watching this because everything finally makes sense

I really appreciate this educated and respectful discussion on the disorder. Its really tragic and frustrating that it's so rare to find a psych or therapist who recognizes the disorder and is willing to diagnose it. I feel really invisible and left to suffer alone by the western med industry.

At different points of my life, I’ve presented as all 4 types. This is wildly informative and mind blowing!!!

This was so amazing, I love how she explained it all..

I never had a good therapist in over 25 years. It is so unfortunate that most therapists don't actually have an interest in psychology.

People with adhd have a higher chance of getting borderline personality disorder if they have had some trauma growing up. Quiet borderline and emotional borderline personality disorder can both go to together . I know because sometimes I have traits of quiet and emotional bpd . Because I only can be emotional a little bit and a littel bit angry and anxious. And some days I can be really emotional and angry and anxious. I think hormones for women play a role on bpd . I know when I had a ovarian tumour and I became hormonal and became a bit narcissistic for a while. I had my ovary and the other half of my ovary removed. And now I'm less hormonal . And I dont have quick rage issues. Like I used to in the past.

This was extremely enlightening. I suffer with BPD and have had a hard time understanding how some of the symptoms I did not always struggle with. This helped me identify and I related so much with the Quiet subtype. I struggle with paranoia and have always struggled with thoughts of abandonment or thoughts that no one likes me. It’s been hard to maintain relationships and friendships with these challenges. Thank you so much for sharing.

You two people are Fantastic, I have learned so much from the two of you.!! Thank-you to both of you.

Borderline ruined the life of my sister and it had a great impact on the rest of our family too. Thank you very much for speaking out and raising awareness. I could not save/help my sister, it comforts me to know that she found some friends in the last stages of her life.

I have borderline and bipolar. It makes me very creative. My view on borderline is it can be difficult to deal with under crisis. Overall I can go months without any issues...in a stable relationship. Marriage and a good one without strife. In a dating state it's a disaster. Here's a poem I wrote years ago about what it's like to have borderline. "I'm a man that's an island on an island not wanting to swim to rescue, so I built a raft in case I want to. Solitude is solace I don't want to be alone, by now I've suffered my life on my own. I lay in the sand and bask in the glow, I catch glimpses of tranquility when the sun penetrates the borderline low. I know for me when I paddle to sea, the island will always be waiting for me.

Dr Ramani Durvasula is in the zone! very clear explanations, thank you.

She knows this stuff EXTREMELY well. Brilliant!!

i was diagnosed with bpd a few weeks ago and my mom wouldn’t let me hear what the doctor thought was wrong with me, so i’m using this video as a guide.

As a quiet borderline, I was waiting for this, thank you Edit: lol, it seems that I am a depressive one not a quiet, my psychologist didn't talk to me about subtypes so I'm still not sure

Dr Ramani is so cool. She must have had good instructors AND been a good info seeking student. I wish other psychologists could learn what she did.

histrionic borderline /covert narc js my husband 😅 i survive it by trying to use my sense of humor, not to engage in his rages and passive aggressive manipulation in order to get negative emotional response from me. And also survive it by listening to these yt videos, they are extremely eye opening!! zillions of thank you, love and blessings to both of you really!!❤

I was diagnosed at 21 with BPD. Thank you for this information I went misdiagnosed for TWO years as bipolar for insurance purposes when I have been borderline the whole time!! Anyways dr rArmani and Kyle you guys are fucking awesome and I appreciate people like you informing “normal” people on my challenges. It makes a difference ❤️