Fear is a funny thing. Since the dawn of time, men women and children have been afraid of clowns. But ask any parent what the scariest thing in the world is and they’ll all tell you the same thing: an angry toddler with a knife. But what would happen if you combined the power of a clown with the lunacy of an enraged weapon-wielding toddler? Can You Beat Fallout 3 As The Pint Sized Slasher?
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Can You Beat Fallout 3 As The Pint Sized Slasher? (in text form)
Back in April, Mitten Squad turned 9 years old, but here’s the thing: I made Mitten Squad when I was 16 and on May 15th I turned 26 and you know what that means. We can officially celebrate 10 years of Mitten Squad on a technicality and what better way to do that than with the release of the Fork Barbarian’s cooler older brother, the Nuclear Fork Barbarian made by Makeship. The Plush is on sale now for $27.99. This is a limited run product that will only be on sale until July 1st. If you don’t buy one by then, it’s gone forever.
For starters, the Pint Sized Slasher is a character that exists within Fallout 3 within the Tranquility Lane quest line. You become him to complete the quest line for Betty White to escape the simulation without taking any pills. Unfortunately, as we’ve seen before, it is simply impossible to beat Fallout 3 as an actual child. Assuming you somehow manage to make that this far, when you reach President Eden to take the vial you’re told that you cannot use that, children cannot carry viruses, we know this. And of course, escaping the vault as a 16 year old would result in the so-called “pint sized slasher” going to a pint sized prison cell for the rest of his natural life. So where does that leave us? You guessed it: it’s b*by time. First things first: the Pint Sized Slasher’s blade is only available in Tranquility Lane and because I don’t feel like giving a toddler the tool of a metaphorical god, we’re gonna be going the safety scissors route.
That tool, despite its name, is still a melee weapon, so SPECIAL stats are all based around the melee weapons skill. Strength for the melee weapons skill itself, Intelligence for some skill points when leveling up, and Luck as a boost to all skills. Now: it’s time to leave daddy encased in dust just like the 80 year old woman superhero The Octopus who, like when an octopus is frightened, spits dust out of her… you know. Walk into a wall, quick save quick load in rapid succession and with enough gusto in your hear you can clip through the wall and fall into a part of the vault you shouldn’t be able to reach. From there, as we’ve done so many times before, it’s as simple as escaping the vault as a b*by while dealing with a few roaches looking for an easy meal. Make sure to grab supplies like Stimpacks and… I guess that’s it. We can’t use the nerf bat and babies can’t have guns. Overseer isn’t around, so you snag his key from his locker, enter the escape tunnel, and seeing as we never took a ride on the GOAT, it’s here, at the beginning of the end of the line we pick tag skills. I went with Melee Weapons, Medicine, and Lockpick.