oh i have a corner office, with most of the city being in my visibility. i drive a bus

I really laughed at this one.

That's a big cemetery

Employer: What did you used to do for a living? Me: I used to put people under the blade

lmao !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the incredibles!

Lieutenant Dan (forrest gump)

LMAO! can win for losing.

That's an entire mood right there

@@EdFuller "lieutenant Dan!! ice cream!!!"

oh you worked in CMS

actually, i d prefer they tell me this. by answereing honestly you can share in the frustration of your client. That makes the client less frustrated.

So what would you say instead of telling the the truth?

​@@hetedeleambacht6608 See how long you keep a job...

hey man if it is up to you, you should tell the truth, the public deserve to understand the situation so it can be fixed. And you should not be protecting incompetent lawmakers or politicians.

anyone knows the simpelest graphs need the relevant data right? I learned that in primary school. No data, they might as well show me a Van Gogh...beautiful colors and lines but not very usefull

That's quite the promotion what did I do to deserve this?

😭😭

@Okapi Lizard

@Okapi Lizard the joke has flown over your head

@Okapi Lizard r/whooosh

Deal drugger

Nope, you’re just self sufficient entrepreneurial botanist who uses there knowledge to create pharmaceutical products designed to make the patient get better on there own. Using your mobile situation your able to give away your products for the exchange of a piece of paper.

Sound right?

@@aero8893 You mean, Pharmaceutical Street Vendor.

@@aero8893 piece of paper?!? that piece of paper is our current system of legal tender of general use in a country

This concept is EXACTLY how big pharma gets ALL of their drugs to market. Making it to market, means reducing the presence of reaction of side-affects...by pre-screening volunteers who are less likely to have a side-affect.

Hahaha true

Or a high schooler desperately trying to reach the dreaded word count.

@@nanamacapagal8342 I hated word counts. I'd always have to shorten my work. (I always got As in school😂)

Mitchell Weird Flex but ok

@@mitchell1091 How :c

And I know someone who sells propane and propane accessories

I had a friend that said "i manage the transactions of a multibillion dollar company" aka a McDonalds cashier

@Rose :3 lol maybe they're friends?

I knew a guy (I'm brazilian and so is he) who moved to new york to work with coffee and oil, meaning that he served coffee at a Petrobras office

@@garretc2148 You literally stole that

Just half of it.

Always tell the truth

@@ZAN_YAR You can't tell the truth. It's bigger than your knowledge of it. And incomplete truth is also a half lie.

@@thinkforyourself518 Yes you can. Fearlessly and Assertively. A small synthetic agenda they call it [knowledge] is way too fragile to take a place in your Mind. and affect your intellection, and your says. It's their thing They have made it they make you believe in it and you get scared and obtain feeling of guilt and addicted

@@thinkforyourself518 What? pfff- it's not a half-lie. I prefer the phrase 'sensibly modified truth'.

Oh you’re dangerous now

that might be part of the message, but I think what you missed is that someone wanting to deceive you by using double-speak is unlikely to give you all of the facts, so you need to dig deeper and always delay a decision if you can.

No, he works for the Chinese Communist Party

"Nonconsensual organ arbitrage" is the job title that his salary gets taxed under

Non-public human organ arbitrage. I would say semi-concensual but that's too negatively received these days.

"Nonconsensual organ arbitrage" is this Sseth rimworld refrence?

@@lecoqsclock1002 Of course fellow merchant!

I didn't lose, I succeeded at accomplishing the opposite of the assumed conditions for success

I didn't lose, I just assumed you were playing a non zero sum game, where my "losing" would facilitate your "winning" to maximise the total of gains.

@@Ludifant I like this, but it breaks the point of double speak. Doublespeak doesn't involve lying, however your comment does. Still an amazing excuse though!

I didn't lose, I have just been highly motivated on having empathy on all competitors

Well this one doesn't work as well because you can draw in some games.

It reduces it be 36% percent, from 3 in 100 to 1.9 in 100. Look at the graph again. The statistic is not misleading, the graph is.

Few million dollars vehicle could be a tank

underrated XD

😂😂

Pog

“Corner office” is fantastic

No. Romantic and entanglement just makes it worse. What you want to say is: I found this girl suffering from a clinically adverse effect due to the saturated inflammation of epinephrine. She was in a mentally critical condition that required a regulated oxytocin intake lest her lifespan is intermittently chopped short for lack of treatment and administration of the chordae tendineae cords. She had previously suffered a apical ballooning syndrome and needed a pulmonary heart bypass placebo to re-coordinate and connect her testosterone levels with her endocrine system body functions. Honey, she had a 5.30% chance of dying, within the next year, it's lowered now to .07% chance. I have potentially saved a life, she was possibly suffering tremendously because of her condition. I had to help.

@@acevaver5425 Please translate to dummyspeak.

@@acevaver5425 r/woosh

@@acevaver5425 J. o. k. e

@@vixx3535 I don't think you are using that correctly

How

@@buffalosolider206 how what

​​​@@buffalosolider206Assuming we're talking US states among the ranking, and not including territories like Puerto Rico, there are 51 "ranking members." That puts the middle point at 25.5 - equally far to the bottom and the top. So if a state is the 33rd _worst,_ we're counting from the _bottom,_ meaning that they're actually _above_ the middle point (at 18th best, in fact). However, the 27th _best,_ that is, counted from the _top,_ is then _below_ the middle point (ie., 24th worst). So they actually dropped a whole _9 rankings_ (27-18 = 33-24 = 9) in the time that guy running for re-election was in office 🙃 - and he's trying to present that as if he actually improved things...

This is brilliant

Absolutely brilliant!

Infinite Resistance*

"Why doesn't my voice come out of the speakers?" "High disparity air gap between frequencies and broadcast equipment"

Amazed how many people know basic electronics well enough... Or can say a low signal to noise ratio or a super high THD

🤣

no im not stealing comments, im just spreading the quote

"no im not stealing comments, im just spreading the quote"

Im not reposting memes, im disseminating visual art and knowledge

No I'm not stealing comments, I'm just spreading the quote

Bold of you to assume schools were made for critical thinking and not for future obeying workers

​@@presidentofchina1496 REAAAAL❤

"so you're stealing my money" "no, we're the government"

Kristjan Čebulj a self employed* asset relocation specialist

Just the person I hoped to meet. I have, here in this holster, an Asset Relocation Specialist Reducer.

​@@krazylevin Yes but are you a Certified Asset Relocation Specialist Reducer Management Associate?

Could also be a tax collector.

Nice!

I was going to comment you should say financial transactions, but then I remembered the cashier also hands you your food, which is product. Anyways, great line, will definitely steal for future interviews.

lmaooooooo

just saying, not an original comment

This one lol

It's not RNG, it's infinite replay value features

right on spot

It’s not FIFA 2018, it’s FIFA 2019

Damn! You read my thoughts!

Stewardess.

😂😂😂

We even have armed security personnel

@@luciuskapahs5547 most prison guards aren't armed actually. Well they have pepper spray which is effective... sometimes.

sometimes you even get a room with TV, bed, toilet and shower all to yourself!

Don't we all 😉

Advanced interrogation techniques

@@nihalu.7886 I don’t use Advanced I nterrogation Techniques I use Alternative words

I prefer to call it intensive questioning.

@@nihalu.7886 "but techno that's just tor-" "ENHANCED INTERROGATION TECHNIQUES"

AND WE MAKE PEOPLE OUR SLAVS

nice pfp you’re cultured

@@-poon-382 ah, I see, so you're also a fellow man of hololive culture?

NEEE VIRUS hell yea

Nakamas from the hololive hole

What's hololive peko?

Literally

Usually white people are the ones that use double speaking.

Wisdom Seeker lol maybe because usually white people are the ones to have jobs in the first place... like what are you gonna do some corporate double speak in the hood? Or fruit markets? Or serving up some French fries at McDonalds???? LOL

@@christophersurnname9967 ouch, bitter punch of truth

Christopher Surnname wtf you talking about?

Dispatching and actuation of personal liquidation.

from life

Is this a Blade Runner crossover?

from life

painting houses.

nah, more like: I play a crucial part in one the most equitable industries present in today’s economy.

@@tommytimmy8441 👏

Lmbo

Im a dancer = Im a stripper

@@tommytimmy8441 Or I played a crucial role in the marketing of cinema to the public through the increase of current and future sales figures.

I feel attacked

Isn't that a quarter of what you learn in school school?

Extra-circular research *

689 lieks nice

@@smokingghost9781 u mean google

No the lawyer stated this: *"...It's not gambling, we call them surprise mechanics...it makes the players happy..."*

@@kingaragornii9940 tell me lies , tell me sweet little lies

@@kingaragornii9940 defintely doesnt make us happy ahaha

@@TheUltrasora Lol

Ea it’s in the game

hello Zyphon again ^-^

I didn't see this first. I discovered this within the first couple minutes of this being sent into the the internet

Hi Zyphon :D

Hallo zyphon.

Overly simplified

It's not lying. Double-speak is much closer to putting a veil on the truth. So really, it's Quasi-Truthful Speech Enhancement and Extension Procedure (QTSEEP).

Or as lawyers and politicians call it: clocking in

​@@themyster1ous016I see what you did there. In all seriousness though, OP's right: it's bold-faced lying.

Louise ••• for some reason I hate and love you lol

I was a self hired professional semi-permanent bed tester, that specialized in a niche type of bed.

watch out for all of us being in rich schools and jobs

@@Deady4u sleep man

Yeah I’m often referred to as a bullshiter but I prefer the term linguistically gifted

it’s ironic because whoever invented the word doublespeak just didn’t wanna be called a bullshitter

@@hiinsanity lmao

Flirting is a form of doublespeak too.

@@hiinsanity It's not ironic, it's just effective.

The blood do outside body

@@thedooktroops5608 00 ___

😂😂

That is not how verb number works.

He was unable to continue doing what he loved in this world.

I actually laughed out loud... congrats xD

Sounds like Jeffrey Epstein

also serving embryo fetus aborted cell food .

Sounds like Dan peña lol

Erika I knew a guy who would use that line almost exactly to pick up women, and yes he worked at McDonald’s.

In the military it is known as "Appropriation".

surprise communism

That's what they use to extort people and make everyone happy with that, because taxes are "used for the people". You know, it's not theft, because you're a "Taxpayer".

@@369mfkzt2 exactly, it's not theft, it's just the government forcefully removing your money and using it themselves

😂

Our governments are corrupt and we allow them to be.

@Auto Zam there os very little difference

@@sosig6445 Mobsters have to at least be vaguely competent to keep their "job".

except trump. he just striaght up lies. and i dont know whther to praise him for it?

Let me guess someone made a trump comment

@@hafe6659 stop i actually did-

Yeah I’d be about ready to give that surgeon a “misadventure” if that happened to someone I care about.

You seem tough.

It's not murder It's stopping human function

7.59-fm [Closed] that is stopping human function for a proceedingly inproportionate excusably content of time

@@1Lainer1 No one can read this nonsense sentence; try again.

intermittent

@Violet Sinclair I'm not broke and I do it. I do two meals a day though. I skip dinner. Why would I need food to sleep? Why should I give my body work to do when I should be resting? I don't need this extra meal. Now my body can focus on important things like healing, repair and resting instead of working to digest food I don't need.

qrpnxz ahh shiet thank you

.. due to economic misadventure

The Lop do u know what a joke is

Government: That's what we do.

Robin hood

Communism be like

@@CrazyGuyVideos2005 that isn't Communism lol.

@@midnighthobbyt5161 lol dude, literally that is communism.

I prioritized leisure time.

No I'm just waiting

ae86

That's actually what I say to my boss.

No absolutely not. I engaged in reasearch aimed at improving my performance at a later date.

This is very relatable

every teacher ever

my Spanish teacher once asked me and my friend to wait outside and she never came to speak to us just made us stand outside the classroom for 45-50 minutes until the bell rung

@@MyPussyBleeding-rn1mw big brain moment

@@MyPussyBleeding-rn1mw F I N E S S E D

"From MY point of view the JEDI are evil!" --Some guy with opinions on sand

From my point of view the droids are evil

Nice

Kenobi was full of lies. Telling Luke that he'd never find a more wretched hive of scum and villainy than Mos Eisley. Or was it a lie? Because Luke never did make it to Gotham City, so I suppose Kenobi could claim his statement was true.

Exactly. For example: "Only the Sith deal in absolutes" So why did Yoda say: "Do or do not, there is no try?"

U copied this from another comment

I didn't but I'm not surprised that there are hundred of comments like this one way before made this comment.

Lol

@@anonymus3219 He did not "copy another person's comment," he merely rebuttaled the originality of a fellow entertainment enjoyer's statement.

Bank accountant People five me hundreds of bills from different currencies every day

Nope, you’re just self sufficient entrepreneurial botanist who uses there knowledge to create pharmaceutical products designed to make the patient get better on there own. Using your mobile situation your able to give away your products for the exchange of a piece of paper.

Or you're the one who knocks!

@@aero8893 Very few street pharmacists are self sufficient botanists, they usually have their wares delivered to them by the financially flexible familial conglomerates.

you're*

@@ijemand5672 thanks bro

😂😂😂

im from the government and im here to help.....

@@dustinh1583 You were dropped on your head too many times.

zero times zero is still zero

@Kevin Tewey what?

We came to the conclusion that having foreknowledge of certain assigned facts would present us the better outcome.

Just get to the point of and we can't get to the solution. Double speak is a powerful and lead's to Miss leading The And can't get fixed

Mere wasn’t needed

@@HermeticallyHermeticThricGreat I was just thinking abt Schrodinger's cat and then saw your username

we are engaged in a mutual exchange of neural patterns for the mere and mutually beneficial purpose of enhancing the quality grade of our paper.

@Traveling Burrito Salesman protomen baby!!

Haha that one "scientist" from Fallout New Vegas

@@futureshock382 fantiastic, that was his name iirc

@@futureshock382 damn you beat me to it.

A New Vegas reference caught in the wild!? I’m so proud

Hey, HEY! no. Recouping is a necessary activity.

Ah being lazy.... I understand now.

Exactly

mmm... digital media, more like; the modernization of the previously non-though way of receiving information.

this. i like this

woah, cool name

@@xandergoemans456 bruh

@@seanisgone5413 bruh edit: this is my main account lol

@@dexterity494 bruh

He didn't lie, if he would his nose would have grown

Judge: "but you had to push him off fro gravity to be a factor" You: "i didn't push him, i was merely gradually generating a substantial amount of velocity and acceleration via my deltoid muscles to force my humerus in a lateral trajectory away from my toros which in result increased the amount of kinetic energy stored in my metacarpal and proximal phalange connectors that when i lightly tapped him all that kinetic energy transfered from me to him resulting in contact forces forcing him to stabilise himself but because he lacked the visual awareness to inform himself of the knowledge required for him to make the judgement of weather he should stabilise himself of not he ultimately was overcome by the contact forces and causing him to fall off the cliff" Judge: "...." You: "and if he stabilised himself in time he wouldn't of fallen thus resulting in me being innocent and him being guilty of his own death" Judge: "... apologies for the misunderstanding you're free to go"

@@WindowLicker_-9 Judge: Wait! So you pushed off a man that was unguarded and you're saying it was his fault that he died cause he wasn't guarded? You: As the rule of the jungle, a man must be on guard at all times for he might be at danger at all times I merely taught him a valuable lesson that may or may not shortened his late adoption

@@justanub4697 Judge : So you basically admit your implication in the matter of causing his death and attest you have been sharing more responsability than the victim/culprit itself, enough to be labeled and charged for it. You : I don't admit to anything, I affirm a sole point of view that is itself beyond reasonnable doubt subjective and biased, thereforth aledging me no weigth as an evidence outside of the forces I generated willingly and never actually stated nor had any intention of engrandging any collision or missuse of my force and was out of doubt unaware of the plausibility or causality of the tragic events that were bound to happen outside both of our range of consciousness. Judge : That sound like 3rd degree murder to me, anything to add?

@@WindowLicker_-9 Ok

@@WindowLicker_-9 👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

nice

Lol I thought that what he meant

LilEric Inna'cut most gambling involves games, child.

@@mrfaade304 Okay, Boomer.

Just dont play rockstar or ea games. There is very little gambling if you avoid them 2 company's

i heard you hit metal around 17 times? is this correct because i believe you would have earned a photograph of a motorcar

How did that go?

I can't believe you're that guy

Yup I learned to write like this the hard way

I found my professor/TA gave me higher grades if I reflected their words used during the lecture. This also works in job applications when I describe duties I performed at previous positions and using the job announcement to shape my response using thier vocabulary. People are more receptive to what they are familiar with.

It's the only way to meet those length requirements!

No no, he's not dead, his primary metabolic processes have just stalled for an indefinite period.

Natural selection made him extinct... Nature taking course

No comment

The application of accelerated heavy metals objects into the persons body created a pressure imbalance that resulted in several essential bodily processes being impeded through cavitation and fluid leakage to the extent that the normal biological activity was severely hindered and eventually ceased. He will be missed.

He attack me with a chainsaw i got of right to defend myself

Well, we italians, you know...,

lmao i thought he meant "plumber"

Pretty sure he did, in the show his mob family is in the garbage business. I think that's what he meant, though you could I guess secondarily interpret it as an euphemism - maybe that's what the writers intended.

one more word, and it all makes sense - "human waste management consultant"

@@visdarfrankas human waste means poop though XD

IT BELONGS IN A MUSEUM

Tf are dinosaurs gonna do to stop them from digging up their skeletons

@@goroakechi6126 SO DO YOU

@@hammedburger3712 Paleontologists.

Brilliant

Is it an MLM? No, it's a referral-based commission structure.

@Homelander Neil Postman Amusing ourselves to death

@@HarmonicWave its a structure that allows for people with income deficiencies start their own small businesses and help supplement their families' income while also being able to motivate people to start a business of their own.

Underrated!

No, it's a network marketing company. XD I heard this one today about Isagenix.