The trick to being natural with these inquiries is that it can't be a trick. You have to genuinely want to get to know more about the other person.

@@karenryder6317tbh its not even that. It's practice based, being sociable is a skill like any other

Just go join somewhere with a laaaaaarge variety and number of people, interact (assuming you are confident enough to do so), and push yourself out of your comfort zone.

It’s gonna be awkward at first because you have to actively think about what you’re doing but the key is doing it enough times where it’s instinctive and you get comfortable doing it. All confidence is is comfort in the situation that your in

@@kaibalfour2318 exactly. Once you feel comfortable with it, others will feel comfortable with you.

Just like anything in life, it takes practice. Go out and talk to people. The idea is to have a point of reference to help guide your practice.

i dont know these things instinctively, that's why i watch these vids

right. it's hard enough to keep up dialogue, now they tell you are supposed to laugh, give compliments too. just humans making it more difficult for other humans

I disagree. A lot of these tips i did know instinctively, sure, but i didn't understand why certain conversations went well and some fell flat. Being able to hone and identify why something went well has helped me immensely. Now instead of 50% of convos going well, 75% of them do. And the remaining 25, i can usually see where i dropped the ball and work on reflection and self correction. Hoping to get to as close as 100% as possible before i die and this channel has and will continue to be a huge part of that

More or less, autistic people or people raised in a low social environment not necessarily at all

Well said!

something that I saw in another video was that if possible go into a conversation knowing that it would be fun if the other person liked you but, as you said, just know that you are an intrinsically worthy and amazing person regardless of how the conversation goes. This leads to confidence which often does draw people to you. But your worth is not attached to how other people see you.

I still don't get it

ur momma so fat she walks down the street it registers on the richter scale.

@@k.5425 dormammu sounds like your mama

@@k.5425it's a yo mama joke

Hopefully this applies to me someday.

Facts !!

Agreed…I hate making small talk for the sake of it. Either I’m engaged in the topic or not.

me too i hate small talks thats why i ran out of words to say immediately@@krokovay.marcell

If you’re learning how to be funny and take a joke cues from Jimmy Fallon…. I think you’ve got bigger problems.

Thank you kindly.

@@rainerzufall5438 You are very welcome My favourite point was 2:10 Example: How was your summer? It was just too much time with my family 25% rule is answer 1 in 4 questions playfully 2:36 If you are worried a compliment is awkward, follow up with a joke to diffuse = Tension Rule How about you? What was your favourite point ?

I appreciate you taking this as seriously as me and writing down notes , thank you!

@@hallokitty8616 You are welcome !

You left out the most important thing at the end : make the conversation enjoyable for yourself and thereby filter out people you don't want to surround yourself with. Be you.

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Let's high five but not too loud

That’s how I weed out the good friends from the too serious ones LOL

I lean into it and hope they think I'm weird enough to be cute or cute enough to be funny.

My people ❤

charizzma

🤣🤣🤣

Noooo….

If you practice enough it'll be autorizz

We are in training arc right now

If you ask a truly open ended question you will indeed understand more about the person. Asking an open ended question is more than just avoiding "yes/No" responses. Try to also avoid questions where the person will be tempted to give back what they think you want to hear. For example "How ya doin'?" which generally gets the one word response: "Good." A better choice would be "What do you think?" which usually gains a lot more understanding of what the other person is feeling.

So true so true. Being genuine is the most free you can be

What kinda jokes do you mean about starting conversations with exactly? If it’s not too cringe for you to spell it out lol 🙏

​@@raftingorange6085 Well Sometimes it's hard to literally Start conversations with jokes, but if you can fit in a joke answer to a question very early, it's essentially right at the start. And to be specific, like they said in the video, if someone asks you a question, either answer with such extreme over exaggeration that it's completely implausible, OR give the exact opposite of the expected answer. Make sure you don't sound like you're mocking the person (check your tone of voice), but the examples given in the video "I skate 4 times a day" and "it was Too much time with my family" are pretty good examples. Or doing a "yes! And..." where you fill in the blank in someone else's story; like with Jordan Peterson (at 0:40)"He uses a gun now instead of a Knife". I really like that "yes! and..." one because it can get the other person feeling like they're the funny one; you just 'teed' them up so They can make a smashing joke. For example, a guy at my work was asked about his wrist watch, and he said that he got it from his mom, she apparently just found it when she was out on a walk. And then I said "yeah it was just laying on someone's porch", and he followed up with "yeah, and it was inside a package too.. it was weird". My first joke got a little bit of a laugh, but his Second joke made the whole table laugh. Sort of like Chris Evans' "ribbon routine" joke. It might not seem like that funny of a joke, but it's a way that you can make the other person feel funny. And people will like you if they feel like you're the funniest person in the room, but they will *Love* you if you make them feel like _They're_ the funniest person in the room. That's also why it's good to laugh generously when you think someone is funny, it's very good encouragement. If you want to Actually start with a joke: one way is to ask someone else a funny question. Like if you're at a vegetarian dinner with only vegetarian food - and everybody knows that it's only vegetarian food - you can joke ask: "Oh so I take it the whole roast pig is coming later?" (or.. you know, something Actually funny "-_-). That's also a way to set other people up for giving joke answers. "oh, no the roast pig was too raw, so it ran away" (or again... maybe something actually funny 😅) Were those the kind of examples you were looking for, or was it something else? I'd love to help in any way I can. 😁 EDIT: the tip at 8:36 is also VERY good. If you don't know the people, just make the conversation fun for yourself. Make the kind of jokes You would find funny, and see how people react to them.

You literally just wrote the exact same way that you are describing of how you act in real life. Subconsciously.

Bro literally same 💀

@@JokerCrowethats useful, thank you

Right. Some people are experts at keeping a surface-level convo.

Literally most conversations I have on a dating app, where open questions end up with a closed response. Next please haha

@@RasheedBarnes That's 100% of "normal" sheepeople

"Why did you kill them?" "Yeah totally"

Mirror their energy more. Use humor to bring them out. Chances are, they’re rude people.

My go to question when i meet a cute girl is "do u want to watch the titanic? i hear it's a good ice breaker.

I agree. Having been a newspaper reporter, I discovered that most people enjoy talking about themselves. Ask one question and they do the rest. On the other hand, it can be annoying if they don't return the favor and ask about you.

maybe you're being too hard on yourself? maybe they like your vibe but you're so nervous you don't feel it?

@@RcsN505 people usually are their own worst critiques.

These skills are just like any, if proficient enough there's a fluency that's beautiful. If just one or two things or off though, it becomes stilted, awkward or even forced.

Its like Dunning-Kruger effect but for charisma, not knowledge. Douches think they are perfect and everybody likes them. Charismatic people tend to see how much there is for their social skills to evolve.

Welcome to the club... yes, it is a very awkward club. But still, welcome.

It's definitely a tricky balancing act on how much to use, and the worst part is there's no EXACT formula, since people and situations are different XD I'm also on the spectrum so I feel your pain. It's a lot of trial and error, and also just learning to accept it when sometimes it just doesn't land. Easier said than done, I know, but you got this!!

Neurotypical here, and I’ll be the first to say goddangit its just hard to to know when humor is the right thing. Especially if you’re one to attempt humor as coping mechanism for generally stressful or traumatic experiences. But fortunately, that’s one social faux-pas that is usually easily forgiven

Totally agree! I’m also on the spectrum and humor is a tricky balancing act for me. I’ve always tried the be a humerus person who others enjoy being around, but sometimes I unintentionally go too far with it. I’m constantly trying to learn where that line is.

When you use too much humor/tease and they may look offended, I always say “just kidding” and they calm down almost all the time lol

Respectfully, aren’t we all on the spectrum to some extent?

Yes.

Those aren't good people to interact with anyway, so it's also a good filter 😂

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Same! I made every conversation about me and wondered why I wasn’t likeable. *facepalm*

Thank you

what a great way to put someone on the spot...

how did it go?

@@manu1788 this was a while ago, it went really well but me and her really didn’t pair together well, and since then i went on another date with a different girl and it went even better

Yeah, it's a simpler technique. The better (and more advanced) one is the technique he mentioned right after, repeating the sentiment. It strengthens understanding between each other, because putting what they said into your own words shows you're really trying to understand what they're saying, and if you didn't get it exactly right, then they can fix your misunderstanding, which assures you're both on the same page

Paraphrase it, don’t parrot it… “So if I get what you’re saying, that means blah blah (but putting what they said in different words meaning the same thing).

Repeating what someone says does not always work, take thay from someone who was teased growing up for fumbling worlds. It feel demeaning more times as if you don't understand what I'm saying?