self-centredness is NOT "self-care": losing the human face online
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День томуgen z seems to have two opposing attitudes: 1) on a macro scale, we should make the world a better place; 2) on an individual scale, my needs come first before everyone else. why is that? how should we treat people in our individual interactions? let's explore a history of western philosophy and see how that influenced self-centred attitudes of today.
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TIMESTAMPS:
00:00 why is being nice a problem?
2:37 michelle's tiktoks
4:34 background on western philosophy
5:50 hegel's subject-object relation
8:41 emmanuel levinas: everything begins with ethics
15:30 isn't levinas overdramatic?
15:55 an important side-note!
17:29 clarifying phenomenology
19:34 individualism & virtue-signaling
21:06 gen z's macro vs. micro attitudes
24:38 gift economy vs. private property economy
28:04 online intensifies individualism
29:30 "i'm just brutally honest"
31:42 the nice woman
34:03 wanting validation is A-OK
★・・・・・★・・・・・★
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★・・・・・★・・・・・★
SOURCES:
Emmanuel Levinas. (1984). Ethics as First Philosophy.
Emmanuel Levinas. (1982). Ethics and Infinity.
Jean-Paul Sartre. (1938). Nausea.
Katouche Goll's video: www.tiktok.com/@its.katouche_...
Kimmerer, Robin Wall. (2013). Braiding Sweetgrass.
Michelle's videos: www.tiktok.com/@michelleskide...
www.tiktok.com/@michelleskide...
MUSIC:
Chopin - Nocturne Op. 37 No. 1 in G minor
Dmitri Shostakovich - Elegy from Ballet Suite No. 3
Modest Mussorgsky - Une Larme (A Tear)
tags: emmanuel levinas, jean paul sartre, existentialism, hegel, immanuel kant, self-care, self-help, that girl, it girl, gen z, women stop being nice, stop being people pleaser, detachment, detach yourself, digital age, chronically online, social media, thewizardliz, confidence, white lotus, feminism, feminist, patriarchy, oppression, feminist philosophy, gender norms, misogyny, girlboss, social commentary, neoliberal feminism, breaking bad, walter white, jesse pinkman, internet analysis, video essay, analysis video, philosophy, tiktok, shanspeare, jordan theresa, vox, vice, cj the x, tiffany ferg, alice cappelle, contrapoints, philosophy tube, madisyn brown, chad chad, sisyphus 55, tara mooknee, beauty standards, choice feminism
@Quesadilla117 9 місяців тому
The "brutally honest" people only ever seem to be honest when they have something mean to say, and keep their mouths shut when there is an opportunity for sincere kindness
@loyalsock8387 9 місяців тому
So friggin true!!
@LoveAndSnapple 9 місяців тому
And they’re always around to make sure they kick you when you’re down. Not a kind word in sight
@user-gd1gw2fl3j 8 місяців тому
Anyone who tells me they are brutally honest is immediately cut out and blocked for me 🤣 absolutely no such thing. You can be honest and still be kind
@loyalsock8387 8 місяців тому
@@user-gd1gw2fl3j yeah I feel like people who call themselves "brutally honest" are more concerned with hearing themselves talk than actually helping the person they're being an ass to. Always seems to be the most cynical and judgemental people who label themselves that way.
@user-gd1gw2fl3j 8 місяців тому
@@loyalsock8387 People forget that there’s a time and place for everything too. And they just excuse it with “sorry I’m honest”
@naila4376 9 місяців тому
The wizard liz honestly seems like she wants to help people find confidence but if you take the things she says too literal then you become a narcissist and there is a fine line between being confident and being self centered.
@nacha9618 9 місяців тому
True and the funny thing is some people WILL ofc take it literal because well... common sense isn't common lol
@_Madridista_ 9 місяців тому
@@nacha9618she's literally telling yall to not be a Ppl pleaser and put yourself first she also said to be kind yall just take everything the wrong way lmao
@Nyiaaaaaa 9 місяців тому
I agree
@noellerobin9896 9 місяців тому
@@_Madridista_girl why are you getting so mad for. You’re saying y’all but the person you responded to didn’t even say anything that warranted that response.
@lillysarethebest409 9 місяців тому
@@angellbbhyou definitely took that out of context yall are so dead set on hating women who want to be respected the same way men do
@JP-tt6tp 5 місяців тому
There is a quote I try to live by: "Never regret being a good person to the wrong people. Your behavior says everything about you, and their behavior says enough about them."
@benjaminfranklin2183 4 місяці тому
I agree. I rarely regret being nice to people. Holding the door open or smiling at people is kind of bare minimum manners but it still brings positivity
@Vran4743 4 місяці тому
So true, because I used to be toxic and it was completely my fault. I had things to work on and I still do to this very day.
@user-uj7kc4fy2q 4 місяці тому
People can be in bad mood and wrongly taken as wrong, thay can become nice to you too when their problem is solved. But I think if a person is really wrong don't waste your time and energy for him - he will never value your effort. It's like a dog barking on you - you had better pass over that dog and give your love to another one. You can not be nice to every body 'cause every body is different
@joshuabuchanan1141 2 місяці тому
I'm never a good person to the wrong people, if someone bullys me or any of my friends, we call them out, I treat everyone how they treat me
@BlazeCrafter606 2 місяці тому
I gave a hitchhiker $60.00 and a ride. I do not regret it, even if he wasn’t necessarily being completely honest with me.
@michielkroese6186 6 місяців тому
I've always loved the analogy of oxygen masks on a plane. The advice is to put on your own oxygen mask first before helping others. They don't tell you to put oxygen masks on everyone else first. Because you'll pass out quickly and nobody is helped there. But they also don't tell you to only put on your own mask. Because that's just cruel, watching everyone die around you. The advice is to help yourself first, to make sure you are able to help others effectively. Same is true in life imo
@feliznavidad6958 6 місяців тому
Exactly!
@ashuthoshbharadwaj6703 5 місяців тому
I love this analogy too! In fact, I'm going to bring in some math here (boo!!!). You're either good at putting your own mask on (hopefully most adults) and so preserving your life first is wholly beneficial to the rest because you can now help others in this process. Similarly, if you're bad at putting your mask on (babies) it is in your best interest that the adults finish up quick and help you with your mask. Babies clearly win here-they offer no upside to the adults (unless you count the evolutionary gene-preserving factors) but the adults are GOOD, so they choose to help. So yes, please be an adult or try to be a very grateful baby. You can also choose to be mean and hyperindividualistic and carry a parachute and jump off the plane when the smallest inconvenience occurs. The world is your oyster after all.
@michielkroese6186 4 місяці тому
@@user-mk3ec4bu7y and you'd be dead, unable to help more people :/
@mateusbastos9444 4 місяці тому
Like it
@moosesues8887 Місяць тому
What if I don’t put on my mask
@magneticmoonstone 9 місяців тому
What Liz is saying helps when you’re trying to build your self-esteem up from scratch, but once you actually start respecting yourself, she becomes irrelevant. When you’re confident, you realise that kindness towards others is in fact about inner harmony and satisfaction with your life. Seeing others as a threat is a sign of unresolved traumas
@Topprincessdabest 9 місяців тому
omg this !! i stopped watching liz once i realized how repetitive her talking points were (in all her videos). she seems genuine but i don’t find her videos to be all that helpful anymore.
@stri0t 9 місяців тому
And that's okay, its kinda what her videos are there for, you watch them, get confident, get your life together, and then you don't watch her anymore! That's what she wants you to do, it's what you SHOULD do. Of course it's fine to watch her even after your perfectly happy but you don't need to.
@EL-ksvkv 9 місяців тому
She makes some good points ngl but there are also things that she says that, to me, sounds like it comes from someone who has been through trauma in relationships (whether it's platonic or romantic), and it's just really not applicable for everyone. It could be a good advice to people who have been through the same things as her, but not really for everyone.
@Ana-dl7zl 9 місяців тому
I don't think there's anything necessarily wrong with that. It makes more sense for a recovering people-pleaser to focus on cutting certain people off their lives or prioritizing their needs and wants until they recover and then start to be genuinely kind to others and pour out of a full cup. Her target audience are people-pleasers. There's also nothing wrong with disagreeing with some of her content.
@PeyloBeauty 9 місяців тому
@@EL-ksvkvLiz always mentions that she always talks from a place of experience. She says how she is talking to her audience and tries to help because she knows how certain experiences can fuck you up. I guess that’s why she us so genuine. And it makes sense how someone would stop watching her once they actually feel confident. That’s her goal. She said she has insecurities too so she isn’t trying to make everyone confident beasts. I noticed how she always mentions how mind control is extremely important. What she does with her videos is helping us to actually be mindful.
@kabonnie111 10 місяців тому
being people-pleasing is something utterly different from being nice to people.
@James-rq3bu 10 місяців тому
What if you did both?
@richardpapenapologist1703 10 місяців тому
yup and niceness isn’t kindness you don’t have to be nice all the time, but (in my opinion) the goal in every interpersonal interaction should be to foster kindness.
@kabonnie111 10 місяців тому
@@James-rq3bu continue to be nice, but have enough boundaries to not let this consume your life. Don't seek validation, validate yourself first. sorry for any mistake in my english
@kabonnie111 10 місяців тому
@@richardpapenapologist1703 what is your distinction between niceness and kindness?
@ree2968 10 місяців тому
Yes..Liz also has videos where she says " you are 100% in control of how you treat others, if you can't be kind to people, you stay away from people" and so on.. she is trying to convey the balance we all need. If someone is getting influenced to become self centred then they were already self centred in the first place and never chose kindness.
@excusemewhatthefuck8091 8 місяців тому
People often forget that you can be kind to others while also having your own set of boundaries. Edit: Also please be wary of 'weaponized' boundaries aswell. Arbitrary, asymmetrical or conveniently only relevant when getting your way depends on it. I've seen people use boundaries as excuses not to address real issues.
@renahime_ 8 місяців тому
exactly!
@goofyahhh3849 7 місяців тому
Yeah and if someone gets offended by your boundaries that’s not you being “mean” or “rude” either. That’s their problem.
@shaunnarochelle 5 місяців тому
yeh and I think people that struggle to do both often have self regulation and identity issues. so they think that everyone else is like them and won't know how to draw the line.
@user-qm7be6nw9u 4 місяці тому
lets be clear about what gender tends to be utterly “my way or the highway” & which one tends to have fair boundaries based roughly in nature & objective realm of possibility
@jaronpanepinto7519 4 місяці тому
These are also my thoughts. I think its about the balance between self-love and love for others
@bruja_cat 5 місяців тому
I’ve noticed people nowadays are quick to “match energy” when it’s something negative just so they have an excuse to be mean, but they never “match energy” when it comes to supporting one another
@bombshellbambina 4 місяці тому
that part
@jayjuniee6596 3 місяці тому
literally
@RetroPlus 9 місяців тому
I think people online have genuinely lost the ability to think or feel in shades of grey, instead only in black and white
@nica7747 9 місяців тому
Fr
@brittanyadays 9 місяців тому
yup, and that's a cognitive distortion.
@RetroPlus 9 місяців тому
@@brittanyadays What does that mean? I've never heard of this before
@Prodigi50 9 місяців тому
@@RetroPlusThey’re basically exaggerated thought patterns that are bad for mental health. Black and white thinking is a major one. Jumping to conclusions and dwelling on negatives are more types. My therapist only recently told me about them so I’m not well versed in them but they are definitely worth looking into.
@innnnnnas 9 місяців тому
Yes
@bruhdabones 9 місяців тому
I love this. There’s a middle ground between “doormat” and “fuck you”, and it’s a very healthy place
@Abcdxyyy 9 місяців тому
Lmao agreeedddd
@jasmintea8825 9 місяців тому
And being very honest, it really isn’t that hard
@Danishmastery 9 місяців тому
Yeah, but you know .. most people don’t understand moderation. “I was a people-pleaser for too long, so one day I decided to just not give a fuck”. They switched from one kind of unconscious to another.
@KevinJohnson-cv2no 9 місяців тому
Why would I want a middle-ground tho? Full-throttle down the "fuck you" path seems to be going great for me lol, if someone else is too weak to sustain this path and keep winning that's on them. If you can stand on your own two feet, then do so; the rewards are great.
@thesevenkingswelove9554 9 місяців тому
@@KevinJohnson-cv2no the rewards are not great at all, you are lonely and bitter when you hate everyone
@360shadowmoon 8 місяців тому
One of the things that helped me stop being a people pleaser is when I realized that most “people-pleasing” behaviors are actually unkind. ie Saying yes to something you don’t want to do upfront and then either doing it halfheartedly and resenting it or canceling last minute - instead of just saying “no” upfront, or being passive aggressive instead of simply communicating boundaries.. That’s when I realized that self care and kindness go hand in hand. It’s about being considerate of BOTH yourself and others - not either/or!
@dalailarose1596 7 місяців тому
That's really smart.
@sadecebirinsamn 5 місяців тому
Exxxxxactly how I got over it
@flowerbloom5782 4 місяці тому
I think that's a really good way of putting it. It's unkind to yourself too.
@flowerbloom5782 4 місяці тому
I think that's a really good way of putting it. It's unkind to yourself too.
@literallya442ndclonetroope5 4 місяці тому
You have to be happy yourself to effectively make others happy.
@Humpty_Alexander_Dumpty 8 місяців тому
This woman is so emotionally intelligent it makes me feel emotionally stupid and maybe that feeling is accurate
@candycandypopop 6 місяців тому
@@miau9362how did u get here
@roycebandora9652 6 місяців тому
You’re basically invalidating what she said in the video by saying that
@Humpty_Alexander_Dumpty 6 місяців тому
@@roycebandora9652how exactly did you come to that conclusion
@food8419 6 місяців тому
nah you can get better at it
@gbzld 6 місяців тому
Emotionally stupid people wouldn't even be able to watch or comprehend this video. You're a better person just for watching this and trying to learn.
@DrumWild 10 місяців тому
The phrase "I don't owe anyone anything" is something I find to be disturbing. I owe EVERYONE basic common courtesy, until they prove themselves to be unworthy.
@Jazzmaster1992 10 місяців тому
By their own logic nobody owes them anything either. If you hear someone say this, remind them of that and see how they react.
@iii9591 10 місяців тому
how is a person unworthy?
@bluixe 10 місяців тому
@@iii9591 i think they mean, unworthy of getting their respect and kindness, like a person harming you doesnt deserve your courtesy bla bla
@thebestyanfeimain 10 місяців тому
@@iii9591 if sombody kicks my mom because they think is funny
@Narslimmus 10 місяців тому
I've heard that sentence so much - 'nobody owes you anything' - when expecting decency and manners from people I interract with, especially in dating/getting ghosted, as if it's something impossible to ask for...
@gerardotejada2531 9 місяців тому
There is a fine line between respecting ourselfs and being narcissistic
@oumaaboubaker2600 9 місяців тому
But currently this "fine line" became blurry almost invisible which is exactly what she's pointing out
@Veems 9 місяців тому
@@oumaaboubaker2600 I think they agree, they were just accentuating that point :')
@viinisaari 9 місяців тому
the line is in fact pretty clear
@Anthony-kp7sf 9 місяців тому
....hardly.
@f4iry.dust444 9 місяців тому
I think the word you’re looking for is ego centric, narcissistic involves personality disorder, but can still apply here. and ikwym. i know too many people in my life who have claimed to heal and turn to self respect, while in reality, they’re just filling that void with narcissism. that’s why on my self love and recovery journey i’m making sure that while i’m reminding myself of my own worth and prioritizing myself (because i am a people pleaser, and have very low self esteem,) i am also making sure not to lose empathy and selflessness all together. stopping being selfish, and stopping being so selfless it harms you, aren’t good if you’re replacing one with the other. i’m doing my best to find balance and i’m glad it’s being discussed more so others can too
@kindashin 7 місяців тому
i’d describe liz as a catalyst, she’s that push we need at a certain point, before and after that, it no longer works.
@sorguinazia 4 місяці тому
She gives me the major ick
@user-ob8pm9yh2s 2 місяці тому
nah she is not a push she is person who push you to hard that you will fall and she will be like it's ur fault
@safa9057 7 місяців тому
The thing with wizardliz is that if it reaches the right audience , they are good videos that help people find confidence . It's for people who are extremely insecure and let other people take advantage of them .but this video is very relevant too since we can infact see people be narcissistic if all the advices are taken too literal .for insecure people , after they find confidence within themselves .we should focus on helping others find theirs and trust me , helping others does not have to do with breaking yourself .it's all about finding the right balance btwn both
@darksun2063 5 місяців тому
Yes you’re right not all her advice is to be taken literally, but she has to add all of the extremes to reach those who are extremely insecure and always taken advantage of
@pinklemonade8320 5 місяців тому
The problem is that insecure people will have the hardest time taking this advice while people who are already narcissists will assume this advice is for them
@farhhana9336 4 місяці тому
As a people pleaser her advices are so helpfull. People pleaser dont know how to say no and stop, and do things for ourself. So being self centured is what we need to carry on and not be depress. When I will be capable showing for myself and be happy of course i will share. Liz was one of these poeple she knows what she is talking about.
@mia.nna04 4 місяці тому
I agree. I surrounded myself more with wizardliz videos and it helped me to unconsciously start to get the confidence to look people in the eyes and such stuff. It can help if you set some kind of boundary ig?
@chrissyswifey 4 місяці тому
nah
@kosherkushh 9 місяців тому
ive lost so many relationships to this “self help” mindset. people really don’t understand that it quickly manifests itself into narcissism
@charlizebianchi5364 9 місяців тому
I think that the thing to remember is that humans are under a social contract: to do as little harm to the next person as possible. However, as a people pleaser, there comes a time when you have to choose yourself. This doesn't mean that you can hurt people left right and centre,you know
@mariia5882 9 місяців тому
SAME GIRL OMG like the relationship one is so true on trying to possess each other as objects ❤️
@beckysuperswag 9 місяців тому
narcissism is a psychological condition, not something that “quickly” manifests
@whiterun-guard6463 9 місяців тому
@@beckysuperswag fair point, the narcissists I see love to gobble up and coat their abuse with the "self help" / therapy-speak, but it's all about control. they only exist to make others suffer so I have no sympathy for them, mental illness or not. may they never know a moment of peace
@HanaKatana 9 місяців тому
YUP.
@waitjoyshere7583 10 місяців тому
I genuinely do not understand why people think that being nice is a weakness. Like, did y'all skip preschool or something? Edit: I get that what most of the people in the video meant that being TOO nice is a weakness, and that I can agree with. I definitely know what it's like to be taken advantage of because of kindness. But I hate it when people think they're being "strong" by turning down smiles and waves or refusing to let someone help with their chores. It's sad and frankly kind of embarrassing.
@Elfyja 10 місяців тому
When you try to be nice all the time you become prey to narcessists to take advantage of you (even this got mentioned at the start of the video). When you are conditioned to always put others before yourself it can be quite dangerous in fact. That one person you decided to give an extra chance on a date might take advantage of you, because well you wanted to be nice. My best example is plane instructions on how to take on a mask during an emergency. You are instructed put it on yourself first, before you put it on others. You cant help others if you cant help yourself first. When you care and love yourself it becomes easier to love others. In actuality, when you try to be nice all the time, you are actually not a nice person. You are a people pleaser that wants to be nice for some other reason, most likely a selfish reason like to get the feeling of being liked, or you want to avoid drama. Which is to be frank selfish, because you dont truly know what the other person truly want you are just guessing and is centering your opinion from the ego, trying to avoid conflict yourself.
@Z4NKA1 10 місяців тому
you have to be selfish to a certain degree, you can pretend its not true but you'd be suprised how fast people lose morals or become selfish for money or survival
@crimmas 10 місяців тому
@@Elfyja Being a chronic people-pleaser with serious self esteem issues led me to the receiving end of a lot of blame and mistreatment thanks to a friend who turned out to be a covert narcissist. It destroyed my life, not by itself but due to other problems caused by the failure of multiple doctors and therapists to recognize the role of ADHD in my life. People pleasing opened me up to those, but I would rather learn things the hard way through people-pleasing than risk exhibiting the self-centeredness, narcissism, selfishness, apathy, and ESPECIALLY the totally accidental lack of consideration that caused all those problems in the first place. It even leads the medical field to be completely useless when it comes to treating ADHD, as if nobody with ADHD seems to be involved with creating the diagnostic criteria. The friend that destroyed my life may have a little more success than me right now, but he’s also lost a lot because of his narcissism and if he doesn’t learn to generate empathy on his own without needing to feel like he’s benefitting from it, one day his life is going to collapse under that weight and I, his ex and many of the mutual friends he and I once shared will not be willing to reach out to help him. On the other hand, those people were there for me, and I’ll be there for them. If you fixate on taking care of #1 and make everyone else secondary, you end up alone. Putting others ahead of yourself all the time can be just as destructive but it’s not nearly as big a problem today as people just being hostile to kindness as if it’s a form of weakness. Leave that to the “might makes right” crowd that think the deranged orange guy has his head on straight.
@DrumWild 10 місяців тому
These days, smiling and kindness are viewed as weakness. It's sad.
@3u-n3ma_r1-c0 10 місяців тому
when people say being nice is a weakness, they mean being /too/ nice, to the point where you can be more aptly described as "selfless." when you're *so nice* that you cater to *everyone,* you give up yourself, leading to it being a weakness.
@semiautumatic 8 місяців тому
I used to be so gentle and small and apologize for existing the "wrong way" and at some point I became incredibly angry and vengeful and like I needed to hurt everyone who had hurt me and be on defense to anyone who might hurt me and it was the most exhausting mindset I've ever had. I truly thought the world was against me so I needed to be against it, but then I grew up and found a middle ground of self respect and dignity for myself and gentleness and consideration for everything else. And I feel so much happier and lighter and like the sun is brighter and its easier to live.
@leahmarten 7 місяців тому
I'm in the middle of finding this middle ground. Sometimes I feel like it will never happen, sometimes I go back to hate and to apologizing for existing. Thanks for inspiration and motivation.
@semiautumatic 7 місяців тому
@@leahmarten I'm proud of you, progress isn't linear
@leahmarten 7 місяців тому
@@semiautumatic thank you. For real, thank you so much.
@Circe-your-mom 5 місяців тому
How inspiring
@clairerogers179 4 місяці тому
I went through this too. It gets better ya’ll!!! Find your balance
@maitrifriends6563 4 місяці тому
The wizard Liz is one of my fav UKpostsrs. The thing is only people who actually watch her and not just clips will understand her intent. She helps people put themselves first and not be tolerant to disrespect but she is am VERY sincere and nice human being imo. She is actually quite laid back alone.
@18smnweirdo 4 місяці тому
exactly she literally added random clips and tried to villainize her, without even getting the context of her entire video or any of her videos or messages.
@eldadhailemeskel8257 4 місяці тому
foreal i feel like people often take her videos out of context cuz they just watch short clips of her on tt
@eldadhailemeskel8257 4 місяці тому
@@18smnweirdoi don’t think her intent was to demonize her but i defibetly agree that she took her videos out of context and added random clips that portray her in a specific way
@user-jq6dq5iq9k 3 місяці тому
YES
@shim.mp3 3 місяці тому
@@18smnweirdo she didn’t “try” to villainise her her lol, but she def put them a bit out of context. her points are still right tho
@IVIonster22 9 місяців тому
Respect is not earned. Respect to all is default. Disrespect is earned. Admiration is earned.
@raedasama 9 місяців тому
Wow very well said.
@Abcdxyyy 9 місяців тому
Waoh
@aayushigarg7823 9 місяців тому
This🙌🏻
@Danishmastery 9 місяців тому
There’s innate respect and that one is a given. You respect people’s rights and their boundaries. But there’s also a kind of respect you earn through your character / actions. I think most of us can think of a few people that we don’t really respect.
@bmx3539 9 місяців тому
Wrong. You are confusing common courtesy and decency to all with respect. Respect is to consider worthy of high regard or esteem, which can only be earned through evaluation. Sometimes it is the default position, for instance, respect for one's elders, made through a long life and hopefully wisdom. Respect for one's peers who have mastered something. But then again, some elders are fools and peers who have learned a mastery and can also be unworthy of respect through their actions. In the military we respect the rank of the people in command, but we need not respect the person holding it if they are incompetent. You also said disrespect and admiration are earned; this is understood already, but it is not some deep revelation. People need to stop being dazzled by bullshit.
@amandaa8590 8 місяців тому
I heard someone online say that when their friends begin to talk about their problems, they have to tell their friends to stop. They said “I am not your therapist. Get a therapist for that.” This really blew my mind…. I am so close to my closest friends BECAUSE we share our feelings…. Thought that was really strange.
@soogist 8 місяців тому
That's honestly weird on surface level. Unless that friend had a problem with CONSTANTLY telling them their feelings and in turn emotionally weighing down the listener (this has happened to me before) then its strange
@laraanne5133 8 місяців тому
Down change what Liz said caus eirmemeber she said when that friend is continously talking badly about themselves I am not beautiful I am not like that abd they don't try to progress or something they put their negative energy on you and I experienced that you have right to tell them stop it when they don't want to after lot of advices
@sonicleaves 8 місяців тому
Some people overdo it and talk at you constantly, not to you. You might want to try having fun with friends, not dumping all your "trauma" onto them.
@twenty_7537 8 місяців тому
(first of all sorry for mt broken english) I think it's very important to talk about your feelings and also your problems with your friends but sometimes it just goes too far. I had mental health issues myself, I've lived with people who had anorexia, I've had suicidal friends, I've dated people with serious psychological problems so I think I'm in a pretty good position to speak from experience. Many of these people opened up to me about the difficulties they were facing and it did a lot of good for them as well as for me. To them because they could feel free to be themselves and frank with me (and because it always feels good to talk to someone), and to me because I knew they trusted me and would talk to me if one day they really needed help. HOWEVER. Im not terapist. I didnt take studies about how to act with a suicidal person, a person with ed or anything else, i can make mistakes, i an say the wrong things ad everything. In addition, I am a person with feelings too, a person who can feel bad. Having to deal with someone with psychological problems is very complicated, because we wonder all the time what we should do, do we do enough, we feel extremely bad for the person in front of us, because as humans it is painful to see people suffering. So I think that when you hang out with people with psychological problems it is also essential to protect yourself even by not hesitating to tell your loved ones that you do not feel comfortable talking so much about such a subject and that he should talk to a psychologist. This obviously does not mean that you should never talk to your friends, I even think it is essential and restorative to do so, but it must be done to a certain degree only.
@V6HAVOC 8 місяців тому
People forget that "sharing your problems" and "constantly dumping them into one person" are two different things alot
@lulugracie 7 місяців тому
“you don’t need to be ‘brutally honest’ when it’s just an excuse to not have to consider other people’s feelings.” THANK YOU. people need to stop masking their abusive behaviors with “brutal honesty”. i encountered a couple people like this in the past and they did a number on my mental health.
@in-a-daze1100 7 місяців тому
Selfish people are hurt and unhappy people. Kind people are happy people. Period. I've been through both and i can tell you, kindness FEELS INCREDIBLE. Be kind for YOUR OWN HAPPINESS, not to please someone else. Also, set healthy boundaries. That way, you wont be taken advantage of. But there is absolutely no reason to be mean and self-centered, unless self destruction is the goal. 😃
@magicale940 7 місяців тому
I agree
@wintersoldier9273 6 місяців тому
i am not unhappy. i am way happier when i get to do what i want instead of trying to be nice and restrain myself
@in-a-daze1100 6 місяців тому
@@wintersoldier9273 well you didn't get what I was trying to say, but good for you😊
@in-a-daze1100 6 місяців тому
@@wintersoldier9273 it's a slow process tbh. First is the selfishness phase where no one else matters. Next is the self confidence phase if done right. If done wrong, there's an ego and self loathing phase. Lastly, if done right, you enter the kindness phase which is fuelled by your own sense of self-worth and self-love. You can't help but share happiness with others because you yourself are so happy from within. 😊
@crisvis8905 6 місяців тому
@@wintersoldier9273 How does being kind stop you from getting what you want? I"ve been kind to people my entire life and have always gotten what I wanted.
@Lifegoeson166 9 місяців тому
Being confident doesn't mean being narcissistic. Just be a kind person in this toxic world. That is not sadness. That is the real happiness.
@sansabhushrestha7623 9 місяців тому
And you'll see your confidence getting crushed down
@Lifegoeson166 9 місяців тому
@@sansabhushrestha7623 if you have a weak mind , yes. But if you truly are strong , you can be confident while being kind also.
@user-dq1yw6gi7f 9 місяців тому
@@Lifegoeson166 She already said that in the video just with different words.
@Lifegoeson166 9 місяців тому
@@user-dq1yw6gi7f I replied to someone. Maybe u didn't see that.
@sholast5180 9 місяців тому
@@sansabhushrestha7623.
@paulinagarcia781 9 місяців тому
A teacher who is a psychologist once told us that truth told without empathy is violence. And I think that breaks down the whole "brutally honest" discourse.
@overlordfemto7523 8 місяців тому
There’s not a single point where words are ever violent outside of direct threats. Your teacher is an idiot just like you.
@overlordfemto7523 8 місяців тому
If you can’t handle the cold reality of life, you are a pathetic human. 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 it’s not other peoples job to worry about your wittle feelings.
@iceloker5357 8 місяців тому
I mean i'm brutaly honest and i'm actually a very kind person but im horrible at sugarcoating things and have trouble trying to explain or rephrase my words unless im writting or typing so people say im an "annoying bitch" when im just trying to be genuine with them but still want my advice 5 days later.
@wodensreign9839 8 місяців тому
sounds like a typical college professor
@somegrill7561 8 місяців тому
That’s a stretch…😭💀
@ivysaur_ 7 місяців тому
i was once told that nobody owes me anything and it eventually turned me into an overly individualistic person. watching this video reassured me that it is worth to strive for kindness and being responsible for other's wellbeing again
@joshuabuchanan1141 3 місяці тому
That's why I hate that advice
@postie1965 8 місяців тому
I would like to add that people on Tiktok, primarily Gen Z teenagers (I'm a Gen Z young adult) have become extremely self-absorbed and shallow, my biggest example of this is going into discord servers posting peoples face reveals and making fun of the way they look, dress etc. It is especially bad for people who are overweight, it's disguised as a health concern but in reality they don't perceive them as humans anymore, they are constantly the butt of joke, they are obsessed with going to the gym (which in my opinion too much of anything is bad, it's good to take care of your health but to make it your only personality trait is a separate issue) but they can't just go to the gym like regular people, they have to make fatphobic statements, people have started using other peoples pictures that they consider unattractive and putting their own "amazing physiques" in the next picture slide to show just how much better they are than them. For a generation that claims to be better than any other and more accepting than the rest, they sure do love obsessing about appearances and only being nice to people they consider to be "Tiktok pretty".
@pinklemonade8320 5 місяців тому
Yeah, I've noticed that even "body positive feminists" have this mindset. They embeace bopo when it confers desirability to their body type, but they turn around and openly hate people like amberlynn reid for being fat, they're openly vicious to women who don't put a lot of effort into their looks, and their first line of fire when someone disagrees with them is making fun of their appearance. They couch it all in social justice buzzwords to make it seem like it's somehow the progressive thing to do. E.g., Fat Internet Lolcow of the day did something "problematic" so it's okay to make fun of their weight, women who don't wear makeup are "NLOG pick-mes", and insulting a guy's height is dismantling the patriarchy. I made the mistake of joining one of those "sounds like internalized misogyny but ok" feminist fb groups, and I've never seen such a toxic, appearance-obsessed circlejerk. Anytime a woman said something they didn't like (often just a mundane statement about not wearing makeup or whatever) all of these girls would swarm into the comments to post their selfies and accuse her of being jealous that they're hotter than her. Of course, my point isn't that feminists are bad people, but rather that toxic Gen Zers know how to couch their toxicity as social justice so they can still look like the good guy while they engage in mean-girl bullying.
@tytytyty5659 5 місяців тому
You pretty much generalize a whole generation into a single community with one value, instead of treating each community being diverse and different from each other.
@Austin-gj7zj 4 місяці тому
@@tytytyty5659 100% came to say this. That might be what their communities are up to but I'm not putting up with that. What a broad brush to paint us with!
@fa1rysheart 10 місяців тому
My opinion is that you should definitely be nice BUT dont forget to set your boundaries as well. Have a limit. Be nice to everyone including yourself. Dont let others use you but always have pure intensions.
@ghouuls 10 місяців тому
This 🙌
@kylerichardson8405 10 місяців тому
That’s so obvious it’s not even a point.
@inoscent 10 місяців тому
Exactly
@chuuchuutrainn 10 місяців тому
@@kylerichardson8405common sense isn’t always so common
@CuttingGrass___ 10 місяців тому
@@kylerichardson8405well nowadays it is a point actually
@chocochipdraws 9 місяців тому
it’s funny because I remember that when I was younger, I watched an episode of MLP that dealt with fluttershy (one of the nicest characters) being taken advantage of. She attends a seminar from this guy who tells her to be assertive, and she ends up being extremely rude to people and drives away her friends. At the end of the episode, she realized that being kind does not mean you are weak, and she is able to be firm while still being polite. insane how much childhood shows can teach you about how to act in life
@okikiolaemeonye9219 9 місяців тому
People underestimate the value of cartoons, what they can teach you and how it shapes your life and views. Thats why making sure entertainment is good and truly educational should be a priority! I was a MLP girl and related to fluttershy! I really liked your comment and thank you for reminding us of this episode. I’m glad you exist and thank you for being here!
@MusviqMhrzad-xj5vd 9 місяців тому
@@okikiolaemeonye9219yes they literally developed my personality and teached me about life so much, they really have so much impact
@Andynory 9 місяців тому
Its not "insane" more than its "the point of those shows"
@brixxy6416 9 місяців тому
@@okikiolaemeonye9219 I was gonna type this almost exactly! Hello twin flames 😂😭
@souna5468 9 місяців тому
I'm 20 & still binge watch MLP bc of this reason😭
@dianag.torresgalvez4698 7 місяців тому
I remember when some girls and i were talking about fictional characters and one said " i hate characters that are too nice, i feel like they're hypocrites, it doesn't feel real i don't trust people like that, i prefer toxic ones, at least they're honest" and i was like, "wtf so you wouldn't like drinking water because oh no~ what if its poisoned, I'd rather straight up drink pure poison right now " stupid logic tbh
@bunsenn5064 8 місяців тому
What’s scary is that if the world became full of self-centered people, becoming self-centered would end up becoming a literal survival mechanism. People couldn’t be kind if the world was populated by egocentrists, and they’d essentially have to become selfish to have any level of control over their own lives.
@nonefvnfvnjnjnjevjenjvonej3384 6 місяців тому
honestly the world is becoming more and more like this. at least in the us. everybody is out to get theirs. i wonder what will change first. i hear stories about the 90s and it didn't seem to be like that.
@DamyanTenev 6 місяців тому
Most of the egocentric people don't care hurting someones feelings on purpose because they care about their own only but from my limited experience they can't process them so go around and look for people who care about the feelings of others to "share" them and get feedback by draining the positive energy of the people who care,but when those people feel down and want to share or just vent the egocentric ones start give "practical solutions" to solve "THE PROBLEM"
@1004jinji 5 місяців тому
i feel frustrated trying to find balance when the world clearly make it harder or even impossible for us to achieve that. does balance even exist in the first place? it feels like everyday i have to resist while the world is becoming crueler
@princeofdarkness4711 5 місяців тому
it's false to assume it's "Becoming this way" when in parts of Europe and Asia people were always kind, but they have an opposite approach how they got there unlike Americans, truth is, we never "become" evil or selfish, we always were... the trick is to counter that selfishness and fuel that selfishness with Kind acts, as all kindness and altruism have a hint of selfishness in them. Americans don't get this, because they believe they are born good.
@markd.9042 5 місяців тому
@@princeofdarkness4711The problems with societies like Japan and Korea that I'm sure you're referencing aren't due to "becoming too kind", they're due to ultra-high expectations regarding success, and intensely competitive and hierarchical societies. Sure, people in those societies are encouraged to be doormats, but that's not kindness and neither is people-pleasing, because deep down people-pleasing is typically a way to avoid a personally uncomfortable situation, instead of doing the right thing and setting boundaries for the health and welfare of all parties involved. That's an aspect of true kindness, besides more basic aspects like sharing.
@JerseyJake98 10 місяців тому
It's like a lot of people have lost the sense of nuance its insane. The pendulum keeps swinging between "be nice to everybody no matter what" to "Fuck over everybody you can if it gives you even a 0.5% advantage" how about just being a kind person with BOUNDARIES? You don't have be a total pushover but you don't have to be a dickhead for no reason either, nobody sees somebody treating a homeless person like shit and thinks "woah they're so cool!".
@emilyrln 10 місяців тому
The trouble with nuance is that it requires you to think every time you exercise it.
@Abhishek_78 10 місяців тому
Nuance is complicated. Binary is easy. The fact that you called people with no sense of nuance 'insane' is case in point for binary thinking. There are times when people hide their hurt from being taken advantage of or disappointed by other people by being ultra self oriented.
@CuttingGrass___ 10 місяців тому
EXACTLY, u said it perfectly. But nowadays it seems like people don't think for themselves anymore
@CuttingGrass___ 10 місяців тому
@@emilyrlnur making it deeper than it actually is. Be kind, but don't allow urself to be disrespected. It's as simple as that imo ofcourse
@c2nder928 10 місяців тому
Isagi Yoichi balances this well. He's kind, caring, and gentle most of the time but when he needs to put himself first he puts himself first. Even that kindness has its limits. We see this in the contrast between his off the field and on the field behavior throughout blue lock.
@Yourastralbody 9 місяців тому
What I find triggering is how we’re letting random strangers on the internet we know nothing about dictate how we should live. I used to follow The Wizard Liz and I have to admit she has a point most of the times, yet there’s something about her that comes off as toxic. She gives off “if you don’t live your life in this exact way you’re embarrassing and you deserve to be in pain” energy idk.
@keyaa00 9 місяців тому
Yeah you are right
@ZeonixMY 9 місяців тому
She's literally Andrew Tate tbh but people are too blind to see it because they "relate" to each of them and worship them in a sentimental kind of way. Wizard Liz was actually fine in her early moments but her fame is getting into her head
@rosemaryliliy3295 9 місяців тому
Some of her points are filled with just emotion with vey little backing, she at times can be hypocritical imo. She really does come off as a female ver of Andrew Tate, just a more tolerable one. Some of her advice is helpful, but she is going down a bumpy road.
@rosemaryliliy3295 9 місяців тому
@@ZeonixMY took the wrods outta my mouth.
@mimi.94x 9 місяців тому
I'm glad you said this because I also feel the same way. She makes good points (which are mainly common sense but I like nevertheless because it's a good reminder) but it's the way she delivers her message. For some one who makes self help videos she comes across as very negative and toxic, I'm not sure if she'd be a nice person to know in real life. Her whole vibe is off. Most of the time when I watch self help videos I feel calm, relaxed and motivated but with her it's the opposite.
@trentanlancaster4025 7 місяців тому
Some people with the lowest confidence or those repeatedly being walked on/don't speak up need someone like wizardliz. They need that type of direct/selfish motivation to start them on the journey. That is her audience, but when they garner their own self respect and boundaries, they should leave her message behind for one with more nuance. The issue is she doesn't broadcast to only the audience than needs her, she broadcasts to everyone. Her message isn't what the masses needs and when the masses take her message, they have the risk of more turning narcissistic than self-respecting and honoring ones capacity first. The "you must do something for me first before I do something for you" instead of the "I will set a boundary to [example] be kind outwardly and give the other person a chance to show their reciprocated kindness, but if not I will place them as an acquaintance than as a friend".
@uniraffesaur 7 місяців тому
That thing she said about “what I want is what matters” really hits the root point of the difference between being selfish and self care. It’s about wants vs needs. Self care is putting your NEEDS above others needs and wants. Being selfish is putting your WANTS above someone else’s needs. Self care is good. Selfishness makes you an asshole.
@abhishektyagi4047 9 місяців тому
Being honest is good, but there is a difference between being honest and being cruel. That difference is kindness. And it feels good to be kind.
@seagurll 9 місяців тому
💯
@figuratii5038 9 місяців тому
bars
@angelashinner 9 місяців тому
I have a question and I’ll leave it here. She talked about how following the second order is autonomy hence it’s not unauthentic to be nice even tho your first order was to be “brutally honest”. But isn’t the first thought still more authentic than the second one? I mean the first thing that comes to your mind is not necessarily what comes to the mind of everyone else, so it does differentiate you and make that opinion sound more authentic.
@hannahc8213 9 місяців тому
Yes, you can be honest without delivering it with a sledgehammer.
@moon_0207 9 місяців тому
I hold off on being honest sometimes. When someone is so emotionally broken, their emotions need to calm down before I can deliver the hard truth. A broken person needs comfort first and when they are somewhat more sound of mind I will tell them the truth to avoid having them feel worse and they make irrational decisions.
@melodysafo5437 9 місяців тому
It pisses me off when people use “sensitive” like it’s a bad thing. No, you’re not being honest, you’re being a jerk. While being too nice doesn’t always get you anywhere, being mean doesn’t get you anywhere in the long run. Yes, we should all be assertive, honest and direct, but we should be kind and respectful about it!
@katrinaishak 8 місяців тому
Totally agree!
@anastasia-ly9jn 8 місяців тому
being too sensitive is in fact a bad thing. someone can be honest without being a jerk while also not sugarcoating something just to spare you your own feellings.
@Pinkshark27 8 місяців тому
@@anastasia-ly9jnI agrée !
@klr5695 8 місяців тому
@@anastasia-ly9jn She just said sensitive not "too sensitive"
@anastasia-ly9jn 8 місяців тому
@@klr5695 i’m aware, and i pointed out the fact that while being sensitive might not be a bad thing, being too sensitive is (which even some people who consider themselves to be just sensitive are) .
@MyOhMyOHNO 7 місяців тому
I think more than “niceness” and kindness, we need more authenticity in the world.
@Nusrat_Mumu 2 місяці тому
So, is authenticity opposite of kindness/niceness?
@AbbeeRambles 6 місяців тому
One of my main personal philosophies is that niceness and kindness are two different things, and it's always better to be Kind than to be Nice
@saltedcaramelz 6 місяців тому
what i understood is that a person can be kind and nice but not too kind and too nice basically balancing both
@kellyflores4931 9 місяців тому
It makes me sad that kindness is seen as fake. We need more kindness in our society.
@jjmarie1630 9 місяців тому
What if you consider my kindness to be unkind?
@jjmarie1630 9 місяців тому
A street preacher believes he is being loving while others think he's being hateful.... Kindness is nuanced. It is contextual, both on the situation at hand, and the values of those involved. Values determine what you believe to be kind or unkind. Values are not a monolith.
@jeffinjoseph8916 9 місяців тому
what if my kindness is seen as weakness
@pjm4364 9 місяців тому
@@jeffinjoseph8916if someone attacks you, you can stand up for yourself it’s ok it doesn’t make you any less of a nice person. weakness isn’t niceness
@PigeonLaughter01 9 місяців тому
Indeed. It's a rebellious act, to be kind in today's society. I remind myself of this daily, and find solace in it. Share this point of view with other rebels and punks. Ppl unite!
@Mathewrath 10 місяців тому
I always say: Being honest isn't a excuse to be mean. You can say a hard truth to someone without belittling or hurting them more than necessary.
@iii9591 10 місяців тому
and what if i dont know how to do that?
@n.m.3995 10 місяців тому
@@iii9591think before you speak
@iii9591 10 місяців тому
@@n.m.3995 assuming you're a nt, then are you accepting that you have to think before being nice/normal and it doesnt come natural to you and nts in general?
@experienceseeker07 10 місяців тому
@@iii9591Yes, being vulnerable outside is rarely doing any good for me. Most often being honest about themselves gets oneself judged unnecessarily. It would be lovely if judgements just stay as judgements. But no, judgements affect the way we are treated by others and also our future circumstances. So, there's a need to be a persona when with others. I can only be honest with others so rarely, that is when I feel secure. Yeah, security is such a rare feeling, even with the one I call my best friend. Art is better than humans, for expression. I've stopped depending on being understood and connect with others socially. Rather art and media help me. Like even talking to some AI is more satisfying and more creative.
@experienceseeker07 10 місяців тому
@@iii9591Yes, there is a constant need to analyse and be careful of the consequences my actions carry, small or big. Maybe I'm paranoid but this is the way reality works for me.
@zonaresng 4 місяці тому
knowing that there are people like Olivia makes me happy.
@ustamiko3655 5 місяців тому
for me who’s been through an extremely toxic relationship with a very fragile sense of self worth and confidence, liz really helped me a lot and she made me realize how much im really worth and how i deserved to be treated. but i think its true that this kind of mindset can be dangerous for the wrong types of people, or for people who can’t interpret it very well. thank you so much for making this video :)
@Pastelpinkplz 9 місяців тому
as a people pleasure myself, Liz really helps me to stop sacrificing my own happiness all the time for others. She didnt influence me to stop being nice, rather stopped to me from being a ppl pleaser
@lenanamon 8 місяців тому
real, i am still nice but i don't take sh1t from anyone else anymore. i used to let myself be a punching bag but i've realized that i was sacrificing my own peace of mind to make others feel better
@ravenclaw6222 8 місяців тому
Yes, love Liz but her videos are for people who have 0 self esteem but for others it might make them self-centered. Yes don't take shit from people but don't ignore their shit absolutely
@rsecherry 7 місяців тому
I changed a lot with her, but for worse, all her followers are extremely conceited and rude, not forgetting that they also hate men.
@missmaria5002 7 місяців тому
She influenced many people to be selfish and "delulu"
@areebalovessleepingg 7 місяців тому
@@missmaria5002 she didn't if that's what you saw it as then that's a skill issue babes
@arianaweinert7869 9 місяців тому
As a person who was raised on a philosophy of “treat others how you want to be treated” and spent a lifetime of helping others at my own expense without that ever being reciprocated, I’ve added to that philosophy to “treat myself the way I want others to be treated too,” and maybe that’s selfish but I personally think it’s a good compromise.
@sakamakibrothers4217 9 місяців тому
yes because its hard to treat others good if you dont also treat yourself good, same as you have to love yourself first if you want to give or be loved by other people
@Liza33650 9 місяців тому
To me the saying "treat others how you want to be treated" has nothing to do with reciprocity. It's more related to the bouddhist mantra "be the change you want to see in the World". Because if you expect reciprocity from others by giving them something : then it means you'll automatically meets disappointment. It's not free, your EXPECTING something in return : but who are you to expect anything from anyone?
@Arcessitor 9 місяців тому
How about you just adopt the more practical, sensible, mature philosophy of "treat others the way you want to be treated [at first], then treat them as they treat you.' You shouldn't reward bad behavior by continuously being good to people. That's how you get exploited.
@pinkcherry9695 9 місяців тому
why is self care considered selfish though? in this context, treating yourself the way YOU want to be treated is not wrong at all and i think it's a good thing. why should one treat themselves like shit? it's not selfish.
@MK_ULTRA420 9 місяців тому
Treating others how they treat you >>>>>> Treating others how you want to be treated
@whosthathun 7 місяців тому
What you said about everyone wants a kind and positive society but refuse to act kindly and positively on an individual level towards others hit deep. Its so true.
@nope5657 8 місяців тому
This conversation REALLY needs to be had. And I don't mean this to be condescending, truly - but it's nice to see a Gen Z'er acknowledge this kind of stuff and confront it. Self care has seems to have been disfigured and morphed into people thinking their personal comfort is the only thing that matter at any time all the time. "Self care" seems to be more about never feeling inconvenienced by others in any way ever. "Self care" is now just an excuse for people to be closed-off, self-centered, judgmental, and lacking in empathy. Putting yourself first means, and SHOULD mean living your life on your terms to best benefit your mental and physical health - not never giving other ppls feeling and emotions the time of day because you never want to be assed enough to care. It's a balance to be sure, and it's never a perfect process. But I'm seeing people in real time become so obsessed with their idea of "self care" that they lack basic empathy for people and dehumanize others who aren't them to an INSANE degree.
@EluneMusic 10 місяців тому
It’s not only that people are devaluing niceness, they’re also devaluing forgiveness. That one I feel is far more harmful and makes the world a much worse place…
@resurgam_jsc 9 місяців тому
@@sawyoucoming22 I didn't realize this until reading your comments, but yes. The last time I heard about forgiveness is religion and Christianity particularly. Bully Maguire had a point. If people don't talk about it, we're going to lose it. The world could be an even more ruthless place.
@emmagrace6396 9 місяців тому
@sawyoucoming22 Christianity has forgiveness as a foundation. It equalizes everyone because we all have wickedness in us that God freely forgives us for, and for that same reason we have to forgive others. I think a lot of people don't like believing that they have evil in them, and maybe some take it too far so they hate themselves, which isn't at all what Christianity is about. The problem is ignoring that everyone else is no better than you, either. But once you believe you aren't sinful, you have a reason to hate others and not forgive them, because when they wrong you, you think they have no reason to do so and that you would never do something similar (which isn't true).
@manubishe 9 місяців тому
What is, and what isn't, this 'nice' you're talking about?
@mallorycarpinski1160 9 місяців тому
@@emmagrace6396Very good point!
@EluneMusic 9 місяців тому
@@ferret4111 see every time I bring this up people bring up religion and abusers. You don’t have to be Christian, and you don’t have to let abuse happen. What you do have to do is be willing to forgive people in your day to day life every day because that is how the world becomes a better place. I’m asking you to give people the benefit of the doubt in your day to day life and forgive transgressions from people who are close to you. I am not telling you to accept abuse and if you are being abused you should report it, do everything you can to get out of that situation, and do everything to help be sure that you’re safe. But you can still be a forgiving person.
@catradorasprmanager7728 9 місяців тому
the way everyone is so self centered and cold on the internet is so concerning. I always see tiktoks of people with conventionally unattractive appearances and the comments are always so unnecessarily rude as if people owe them beauty. it's even worse if they're doing something that's considered cringey. of course I think a lot of things are cringey too but I never feel the need to make hurtful comments unprovoked. this is especially true for younger teenagers, especially teenage boys who have no shred of empathy whatsoever. you know these people would make any of these comments irl either, they just hide behind screens.
@fbiagent3998 9 місяців тому
It makes me so mad, I agree I find some of those types of tiktoks cringey but I just move on to the next one. The comments on the otherhand make it their mission to just be as rude as possible, and I'm just like why? Do they get enjoyment out of it? Is it the whole "I'm going to make you as uncomfortable as you made me" but in this scenario the person didn't deserve it, like why are you trying to take revenge on this person who make you the tiniest bit of uncomfortable? The comments act like their appearance personally affected them.. i don't get it, I don't understand. What do you get out telling someone their ugly or unattractive? I really don't get it?????? People say that being online doesn't represent the real world, we created this, its apart of real life, or at least its an aspect of it. Everything people say and interact with is real because its a form of communication we humans created. They act like social media is a dream that has no permanence. Sorry for this rant.
@unicornwithluv950 9 місяців тому
I agree with you and it genuinely makes me loose faith in humanity. I don’t get how someone can be so cruel to an extent to enjoy bringing others down.
@GrungeGalactica 9 місяців тому
As a tik tok outsider, the comments especially, sound like the trenches. If there are people putting themselves on there despite not meeting the ridiculous levels of attractiveness, confidence, dance ability; their bravery triumphs over all of that imo. I can’t imagine going out of my way to comment something hurtful to a stranger online. If something isn’t my cup of tea why would I give my time and energy to it if it adds nothing of substance? It must just be teens going through their ‘I hate everything & that makes me cool’ phase 😂
@areeba7045 9 місяців тому
and not to mention how they get put into cringe compilations even if whatever they do is normal or even considered cute or cool when an attractive person does it. like god forbid a person who isn't conventionally attractive exist and not try to change their appearance or actively hate themselves 24/7
@zinnialin 9 місяців тому
I wonder this too. There just seems to be so much more mean people on the internet than in real life. I think people are afraid to portray this side of them in real life. But then again, why does there seem to be more mean people than good people on the internet? Is this the reality that people normally hide? Is it true that our world has more “unkind” or “bad” people than good people?
@ensengemsweekly7201 5 місяців тому
Liz actually usually speaks of grooming both looks and personality wise. She is not telling ppl to be mean or not nice, she's just telling listeners to stop ppl pleasing to stop letting ppl walk all over you. And actually multiple times she's spoken of to be kind and nice. If you think she's telling ppl to be unkind ur just a little confused. It's totally fine if u don't relate cuz that means you've never had the unfortunate past of people pleasing.
@Greengirl27944 4 місяці тому
Literally. I don’t think she gets it
@bluixe 4 місяці тому
Olivia explained that she doesn't define Liz's entire life and personality only by her videos, she used Liz as an example about self-centeredness since she does talk about that at times (I used to watch Liz's videos at times). But using Liz's videos as an example doesn't mean she fully believes her identity to be self-centered rather that she sometimes tend to give some questionable advices and motivation to people and that most if not all people will take this as literally and it creates a group of people that is unable to give basic respect to those of opposing views both in the internet and in real life(since people nowadays can't really think for themselves)
@mcfrog5473 4 місяці тому
I agree. I like watching Liz’ videos and she does advocate for kindness. However, sometimes she does teeter on the edge of telling people to be inconsiderate. For example, she strongly advices to not try to understand or empathize with someone who has hurt you because she thinks that that’s the same as letting it slide or giving them excuses (even though those are very different things). In another video she also says to immediately cut someone off the second they do something you don’t appreciate, even if it’s something like not holding the car door open. Again, I really enjoy most of her videos but sometimes her advice does lean towards the extreme individualism mentioned in this video
@bluixe 4 місяці тому
@@mcfrog5473 exactly, I have watched her videos before and some of them are extreme, like what you have put out as an example. Liz is great for other parts (ex. Self-esteem, mental wellbeing) but in giving advices about relationships and behaviors around others (partners, friends, etc..), not so much.
@arizonagreenbee Місяць тому
(opens the video talking about her experience as a people pleaser and literally explicitly says she isn't making a comment on Liz as a person)
@Musingsofaclassicalblob 5 місяців тому
It's sad and weird how "being the main character" or the "sigma" or simply the whole "I come first" mindset is more prominent than any sort of community, despite the fact we are designed and have evolved to depend on eachother.
@masterculturedunkerque7918 4 місяці тому
Individualism is somehow a progress but society which promote this sole value makes people just miserable. Some are just pretending they achieve the ultimate happiness on relying on themselves when not such a thing is actually possible
@glassintheice 4 місяці тому
I agree with you, although, how do we not seem like we’re “being the main character”? Is it having good relationships with other people? Is it being kind? I mean, what even makes something or defines something as “being the main character”?
@afoxcatartvideos4877 3 місяці тому
Bruh no one is going to be there for you when you are dying. Being kind to people doesn't get you anywhere. U must take care of yourself because no one is going to do it for you
@bjd4 10 місяців тому
"Honesty without Compassion is Cruelty" - Bruce Kasanoff
@allenejerome7140 10 місяців тому
That’s acc so true ppl mistake honesty for ignorance
@sebrussell 10 місяців тому
A big example of this is people who tout themselves as brutally honest: They are using the honesty as an excuse for their brutality. Brutal honesty shouldn't be a starting point, it's what you fall back on when kinder words fail to make an impact. Also, when people are honest, they should examine why they are doing so. It's like if you see someone with an issue with their appearance, the advice I've seen on whether to mention it is to ask how fixable is it in that moment. A coffee stain on a shirt while out and about? Stay quiet. Shirt buttoned incorrectly? Let them know.
@mat7258 10 місяців тому
@@sebrussell I disagree, brutal honesty should always be used. Theres a difference between brutal honesty (which sounds worse than it is) and being an asshole but honest. Sugarcoating or trying to soften the blow by any means can easily become a white lie if you choose to back down and not double down on the truth.
@sea_of_love 10 місяців тому
i think people have really started leaning into a very black and white, unnuanced manner of thinking these days. they create false dichotomies of being honest/real vs being kind. they forget that one can be both, they forget that you can be kind while also not letting others walk over you.
@Mia-ge7xf 10 місяців тому
@@sebrussell I read somewhere people who say they are brutally honest often enjoy the brutality more than the honesty . and it stuck with me. there are a million kinder ways to say a thing but certain ppl choose a way that would hurt that person the most . on purpose
@jevom 9 місяців тому
Internet has such a "you're with me or you're against me" mentality
@Lanuzos 8 місяців тому
I will never shame anyone for running away from an external conflict they’re not a part of. They cannot arrange any side of the conflict with their beliefs and therefore choose not to betray their soul to fight for something they don’t stand behind. There is no cowardice at all, just courage for thinking clearly under the pressure of others
@jevom 8 місяців тому
@@Lanuzos I think that's a nice way of thinking. But many people online are truly selfish and I think the "you're with me or against me" mentality can be very damaging.
@aishi777 8 місяців тому
This is a really well put together video. It’s not only backed up with a lot of examples but it’s easy to understand without feeling like you’re being spoken down to.
@17goffshas 8 місяців тому
One thing that I have done recently in my life is to embrace 'toxic' people. And what I have found is not all of these people are bad, and that some of the people who always talk about how others are 'toxic' are really toxic themselves. Still I don't avoid them, because we are bound to one another on this earth, we cannot banish them to another realm of existence. And if we could, that would only be to get our hands dirty. Chuangzhou tells us to forget the self, and that is the only way to combat tyranny of the individual person; we can't let go of others' hate, but we can let go of our own.
@tomato33344 9 місяців тому
putting yourself first is about making your own self happier, and focusing on yourself because it is YOUR LIFE. that never means being mean to others, it simply means to be able to recognize bad situations regardless of who they are and to be able to see that you deserve better.
@iceice4741 9 місяців тому
Facts!
@rienstell 9 місяців тому
factssss
@fitzhugh7463 9 місяців тому
Also the people around you deserve better. Focusing on yourself will make you strong enough to pick up others eventually
@protectomegax2674 9 місяців тому
But is the life you are living actually *your* life?
@tomato33344 9 місяців тому
@@protectomegax2674 well for most people yes, but sure there are those with greater responsibilities than me or the ordinary person which makes it not totally "their life" bc their decisions won't just affect them yk?
@kymniii 9 місяців тому
I think with Thewizardliz’s videos, it depends on how you take it. From personal experience, i was in a very dark place with suicidal thoughts, letting anyone walk over me, and overall letting myself wither away… when I watched her videos on gaining confidence, making positive/effective change in your life and making life enjoyable REALLY helped me. I often skip over her videos about treating men on a lower pedestal and/or the “overly confident” ones because they always feel too harsh and self centered. While watching “empowering” videos like that I believe it’s important to not completely lose yourself or turn into the person your watching because those videos are usually dramatized and if you watch/study them enough.. you will adapt to the toxic habits being highlighted.
@sahar.2316 9 місяців тому
i agree but thats what this video is addressing. She’s saying that people are taking liz’s advice as either side of the extreme. For example, rather than believing that you must love yourself before others, her viewers tend to see her words as only loving yourself. And while Liz has some very valid but harsh truth, some things she says is more on the extreme side of narcissism rather than empowerment. And while it does matter how u take it, without any bias, that advice is wrong.
@PeyloBeauty 9 місяців тому
I watch her videos to reflect on myself and others. So like you said it depends on every person. She obviously has a certain concept in her videos she does on purpose to actually message getting through you (honestly works) but how is that unkind? Liz talks about how she doesn’t see herself more valuable than others. But what I learned is that disregarding your own needs will bite you in the future and I see it happening with people around me. And they can’t escape now. So it depends on how people perceive her videos. Liz too has a Internet personality like anyone else on here.
@lavishlyzoe 9 місяців тому
Not in a mean way, but if it’s too “harsh” you need to grow up. I am nice to anyone when I have the chance but it’s important to hear things Liz has to say because she doesn’t sugar coat. Don’t be weak-minded!!
@serious_maconchi 9 місяців тому
Admittedly I wasn't being aware that my attention was drawn to acquiring the same things/accessories she has (the person I subscribed to) rather than just seeing her ways as an example (her being kind and humane). It took me almost 2 years to unlearn and disentangle myself from clinging to the reality I have of her.
@serious_maconchi 9 місяців тому
For getting the wrong idea, it became an expensive, unpractical, imitative, and impulsive mess. There it proved that time is unforgiving.
@Loulouperso 6 місяців тому
I just found your channel and I am obsessed with your video essays. You are so well-spoken and articulate the way Ive been feeling perfectly
@chelsey7034 8 місяців тому
You were given a gift of elaborating and explaining philosophical concepts in such a clear way, Oliva. Thank you
@j.8028 9 місяців тому
I find the mentality of "nice = weak" to be so strange because I literally got a leadership position partially due to the fact that I was nice, like I was kind to people and they needed someone who would be good at gently critiquing work and shooting down ideas that they felt were inappropriate or offensive (it's a satire newspaper) and I stood out BECAUSE of the fact that I was nice. I still speak up for myself, I still say "hey that joke wasn't appropriate" and set boundaries, but at the end of the day, I try to be kind as much as I can just for the sake of being kind and that alone has taken me so far in life, earned me positions in leadership, healthy and loving relationships, respect, and self love.
@JA-xq6eq 9 місяців тому
it’ll also be your downfall. All “nice” people get older and come to this realization. “Nice” is not sustainable long-term. Assertiveness will be your new “nice” when you reach that point in your life.
@IgBtac0 9 місяців тому
@@JA-xq6eqThis comment is so patronizing it's almost comedic. You have not only added zero substance to the conversation, you've actually managed to detract from it. Go watch the video again, or maybe realize that your poor outlook on life does not universally apply to everyone else "after a certain age." Pathetic 😒
@epileptictrees5213 9 місяців тому
@@JA-xq6eqJesus fucking Christ you are such a loser it's not even funny. Being nice is fine, it refers to basic politeness in casual every day interactions. I'm nice and polite to the cashier at the store because it's the decent thing to do. Holy shit, touch grass.
@DavidJones-ot8qu 8 місяців тому
the problem is that weak ppl get labeled as nice, and weak ppl welcome the label of nice. i think if we started calling pushovers pushovers, things would change, but this is unlikely because ppl enjoy pushovers
@iceloker5357 8 місяців тому
@@JA-xq6eq There is being nice to the point people think you are a pushover and then theirs is nice but I have boundaries that way people won't walk all over you. In the end, it's all about being able to respect someone but still be able to say no when it is necessary.
@champagnexoxo1198 9 місяців тому
The thing with the lizard Liz is that even if some of her advice is good, the way she justifies it on “prioritizing yourself above everyone” can backfire SO BAD. Life don’t always reward those who put themselves above everyone, in fact, it can attract horrible situations and people
@eebedebee8915 9 місяців тому
I disagree, you need to help yourself before you can help anyone else. Small metaphor would be how they teach adults on planes to mask first before they help their children. If the adult masks first they have eliminate their risk of passing out therefore they can help the ppl around them. If they mask the child first, they might not be awake the next second to help themselves or others. Always put yourself first, but never forget to extend kindness.
@kiv_daniels 9 місяців тому
Life doesn’t always reward those who put themselves last either so there should be a balance.
@agathaprado2 9 місяців тому
“lizard liz” i’m dyingggg😭
@netanyaliemmanongko774 9 місяців тому
Her name is wizard liz 🙏
@mystique2595 9 місяців тому
@@eebedebee8915 I think there's a difference between putting yourself above everyone and helping yourself. It seems yall are talking about 2 separate things.
@simona_sigmund1001 7 місяців тому
This is the most refreshing video I've watched in a long, long, time. Thank you for sharing different and enlightening perspectives that go against what I'm bombarded with on social media everyday. You have a lot of wisdom 💜
@gracy8826 7 місяців тому
I really like how detailed your explanations are. Its kinda hard to find people on the internet who deeply understand issues that aren't talked about much. Subscribed today
@nacht292 9 місяців тому
I’ll never understand how people consider being kind as being weak. I think everyone underestimates how hard it is to be and remain genuinely kind in such demanding times, whereas being shitty under the disguise of being “honest” is rather simple for the most of us
@makesmewannadie647 9 місяців тому
👏👏👏👏
@sarah05k38 9 місяців тому
I always be kind but I also was seen as ''weak person'', but the truuth is that being too kind is not really good, and that's the point that influencers are explaining (obviously some of them are to extremfull butthe ideas is still there).
@nacht292 9 місяців тому
@@sarah05k38 yeah I agree, you shouldn’t let ppl take advantage of you. but my point is, ppl forget how hard it is to remain kind and treat others well despite this. so I feel like the fact that kind ppl are easily seen as weak or like they can be taken advantage of, shows how hard it is to remain kind actually. I don’t think society is functioning because of the ppl who are looking out for themselves first, its drive force are the ppl who take it upon themselves to care about everyone else too and treat them with respect although it isn’t easy for themselves
@haifaashraf1955 9 місяців тому
You don’t know what happen to kind people , kind people are always seen as weak and last option . The moment I become stronger and little rough , people started treating me better . I always have been really super kind person , my family used to say don’t be this soft and kind . Yes it is true , we get exploited and taken advantage of it .
@kittypeanut4102 9 місяців тому
@@haifaashraf1955I agree (even if i'm not sure if i'm just nice or if i'm kind). I don't think we should treat others bad though, I think that we should try to mantain respect but be always wary and esceptical of others. I don't exactly give the image of a kind person when I say: "why would I help you with that?", "no, *you* do that", "I don't want to, why should I?", and stop being nice to people that have bad behaviours (like, i know someone who is openly homophobic, sexist and other things more even though he knows i'm from the lgbtq+ community. I try to not be cold to others even though I wish to, but he already crossed a line for me), but it's more healthy. I try to be hard on people that don't need help or could be/have a history of trying to use me, and soft with those who do really need help. It's kinda hard but being cold without being too cruel when it's not needed to, and being soft when it *is* needed to, seems like the best way to take care of yourself.
@jonh101 9 місяців тому
Like my math teacher once said; confidence is good, overconfidence is not
@Sunoo.sunshine 8 місяців тому
why? i don't understand
@hearts4pinkie_ 8 місяців тому
@@Sunoo.sunshinewhen you’re overconfident or egotistical, it comes off as arrogant or narcissistic if that’s makes sense
@Sunoo.sunshine 8 місяців тому
@@hearts4pinkie_ makes sense, thanks for answering! ^^
@DavidJones-ot8qu 8 місяців тому
ironically, overconfidence is a sign of low self confidence
@Sunoo.sunshine 8 місяців тому
@@DavidJones-ot8qu seriously? :0
@jennnnifersbody 5 місяців тому
id been meaning to watch this vid for several weeks, and now that i did, I just want to say, from the bottom of my heart: girl, i love you. genuinely, you made me cry when you read that quote about being responsible for the suffering and nurturing of everyone and every thing. So many people truly don't understand how powerful radical care and tenderness and compassion are, specially living in this world so full of suffering and injustice. it fills me with hope hearing people like you echo the same feelings i feel. there is so much power in choosing to care. also, i truly appreciate how much research and critical thinking and communication went into making this. philosophical language is not easy and you managed to convey the thesis of your vid with so much sentiment and eloquence. loved this so much. so happy to have found your channel. also for everyone reading, i love you and Palestine will be Free. ♥️
@fatikook221 4 місяці тому
I Really appreciate you adding philosophy to any subject, really enjoyed listening to your pov in this matter and I think it resonates with me on a deeper level! Anyway thanks for the video ♡
@abbers0737 9 місяців тому
I don’t understand how people say kindness doesn’t give get you anywhere in life. I have gotten a lot of opportunities because of demonstrating kindness, and learning to be polite and honest at the same time definitely helped. Being kind and truthful aren’t opposites, they go hand in hand.
@user89389 9 місяців тому
Agreed. Kindness gets you VERY FAR in life. What they're actually talking about it allowing others to take advantage of you - now that's the thing that gets you nowhere. But being kind and allowing others to use you are two very different things. These people seem to not understand that. They also don't seem to understand the difference between looking out for yourself and not caring too much about others' opinions, and being a generally awful a-hole.
@vixxcelacea2778 9 місяців тому
There is a core understanding in sociology of the pay it back mentality. Even if you do something kind for someone else with no strings attached, people want to mirror your actions. There is a feeling of indebtedness that doesn't have to be negative. It's quid pro quo. Being kind to people who find you to be a threat or want to take advantage of you will have mixed results with the former and bad with the latter. You can have a good defense while still having open arms to others. Predator type persons lose that basic level of decency and respect when they show what they are. Then they get apathy (provided you've done what you feel you can to warn others of them taking advantage of people), because the best way to shut down a behavior is to not feed it. Shame and guilt generally work on people who care what you think. If someone takes advantage of you, they usually don't think of you as a person, but a target. Cutting someone like that out of your life like they don't exist tells them that you think as little of them as they do of you, if not even less, because they're not even worth the revenge instinct we get when we've been wronged.
@shadyd2544 9 місяців тому
@user89389 Just working all the time and not questioning social norms is also a tragedy though. Throughout history the masses have been proven wrong even though most people believed it. I'd like to think kindness, compassion and empathy are a big part of moving forward. Fear is a huge factor too though. Fear has been used to do some of the worst things in human history and hate to say this but it's still gonna be a long hard road fighting that.
@user89389 9 місяців тому
@@shadyd2544 There's nothing wrong with questioning social norms, some of the greatest improvements came exactly because people questioned the norm and the rules. But there has to be a method to the madness. You can't just go around stepping on everyone to raise yourself up, glorify it, and call it a positive movement of questioning the social norms and doing the best without doing anything wrong. It doesn't work that way, but that's what many of these movements are about. Like yeah, maybe what you try to change IS wrong... But changing it to another wrong won't make it right.
@paranoiaproductions1221 9 місяців тому
Kindness, friendliness or politeness won't get you very far in life, unless you suck up to people with connections. Being reliable and honest gets you far in life. People's good opinion of my character and my reliablity are what got me opportunities not afforded to someone who's kind or polite. Since with these kinds of opportunities the ones recommending you also risk their own reputation.
@anyadarlingg 9 місяців тому
My older sister is a perfect example of being brutally honest .. while she was visiting me cross-country, I overheard her gloating to our friend "I don't care about being nice." And I said to her "You should care a *little* bit about being nice." I should have also told her- if I didn't care about being nice, I wouldn't have given you my king sized bed in order for you to have your own room while you visit me for a week .. which she practically demanded she had an enclosed space, for the sake of her anxiety. So my husband and i were "being nice" and decided to share the couch while she visited. She also pressured me into buying even more food for her while she was visiting, even tho I already spent extra cash so she could be comfortable and eat in our home .. and that was all because I care about "being nice." I don't think she realizes the weight of what she said.
@tee3835 9 місяців тому
I think this is a good example of being 'nice' to your detriment. Boundaries are also important x
@anyadarlingg 9 місяців тому
@@tee3835 yep 😅 working on it
@anyadarlingg 9 місяців тому
@tee3835 well we didn't even mind doing those things for her in the first place. It was the fact that she continued to be so demanding during her stay, and being rude that we regretted being so nice to her. She had visited us in previous years before and was never that bad
@nerychristian 9 місяців тому
The problem is that the word "nice" means different things to different people. Some people use the word "nice" to mean friendly. Some people associate it with being respectful and polite. Some use it to mean accommodating or helpful. But it also has a negative connotation. Some people think "nice" means being a pushover, or tolerant of bad behavior. Of course, when talking about dating or showing interest in a person, a man is afraid of being called nice, because nice in that context usually means that you are in the friend zone.
@sarinabina5487 9 місяців тому
@anyadarlingg9732 you should really have a talk with your sister. i'm sorry she's treating you guys like that💖
@ajvaughan3461 8 місяців тому
This is the best video essay I have ever seen. I’m amazed by how thorough you are and how well thought out it is.
@ajvaughan3461 8 місяців тому
I want this to be mandatory viewing for every person
@kindashin 7 місяців тому
thank you! finally someone is talking about it. she really did help me at first, but at some point it’s giving me toxic positivity. idk how to describe but it’s just the feeling i get now if i watch her videos.
@saby777 3 місяці тому
She sometimes give me the vibe of a female Andrew Tate. Not too much, just when she's overly chasing the philosophy of "I". If you are confident, you don't shout about it. Who are you trying to convince? Maybe try and teach about being a healthy person overall.
@no_ononono3074 9 місяців тому
Nothing is black and white. Our society loves to classify EVERYTHING while completely ignoring that most if not all things fall on a spectrum. There is a healthy balance of being kind and empathetic and still standing up for yourself and creating boundaries. The whole rise of everything being made into a curated aesthetic is proof that we just have to name and classify everything to be able to create a 'stable' identity. We don't have to fall into an aesthetic. Dress how you feel, act in ways you deem right, be friends with the people you deem healthy and cool regardless of their style or personality. Exist outside all these classifications. And I promise you that once you do, you will feel so much more confident and authentic in who you are. You can be everything at once and that's the beauty of being human.
@IamBrixTM 9 місяців тому
This is so good. Well said ❤
@jal4319 9 місяців тому
you've just put into words what i've been constantly thinking of for like the last year, you're so right.
@chayo4537 9 місяців тому
Be yourself
@andygarcia4497 9 місяців тому
Black and white, classify and to not classify. Its the same, one should ignore what u dont like, cuz sometimes the best is no move at all. Discussing classifying and to take a stand agaisnt it is what gives life to each, cuz in the end both of those standpoints is to classify.
@iconiccrowbar6702 9 місяців тому
This comment brings me so much comfort💗Major thanks stranger.
@sstefanoska 9 місяців тому
I've noticed the same people who claim to "not owe anyone anything"or go by "i'm just being real if you can't handle it you're a snowflake" usually get emotional over the same things,they don't practice what they preach they just want to seem nonchalant to look like they're emotionally unbreakable when really they're even more sensitive than the rest
@mairalaurence8283 9 місяців тому
Fr
@ianianio 8 місяців тому
agreed. theres a lot of sensitive people who are surprisingly insensitive when they're being mean to others. and sometimes it's as an automatic reaction, as though on instinct. purely because it's "in vogue" to be cool and indifferent these days! 😅
@guccilife784 8 місяців тому
No
@sstefanoska 8 місяців тому
@@ianianio Right, I've met so many people like that, they get their egos hurt so easily but go around acting like they're careless when talking down on others
@hannahahmed6941 7 місяців тому
really well said!!
@Texaslife98 7 місяців тому
This is what I have struggled with as well. I do have to say when I view one’s humanity despite their mistakes or even hatred, I feel incredibly proud of myself and receive a deep feeling of calm & peace within who I am.
@magicale940 7 місяців тому
Love this comment 🤍
@rishabhsingh3610 6 місяців тому
I love your videos so much, it's refreshing listening to someone who thinks like you do. It just makes sense with no effort, like input output done. Like typing into a computer.
@SizemoreMusic 9 місяців тому
I had a teacher who isn’t living anymore. He was harsh, I thought. Very militant in his methods. One day I felt targeted by his example setting so I asked him after class, “why do you hate me?” He said, “Why do you think I hate you?” And I responded, “You think I’m stupid.” He said, “I don’t hate you. And I don’t think you’re stupid. I know you’re intelligent, and I know you’re lazy. And that infuriates me because you could be so much, but you just don’t care.” My favorite moment where someone was harsh and true … and also probably showed me a grander kindness than I’d ever seen up to that moment. He saw right through me and didn’t sugar coat it.
@Fallingtonowhere1 9 місяців тому
Kinda sad though that if you had never felt brave enough to ask him about it, you would have only remembered that teacher as the one that hated you for no reason.
@MangaMarjan 9 місяців тому
@@Fallingtonowhere1 Second that! You shouldn't have to ask If he wanted to help you with it.
@larrylarry4939 9 місяців тому
@@MangaMarjan strongly agree! (From what little was told) that was just bullying in my eyes. My family used to bully ppl for "their sake". Also having ADHD, it's a typical trauma-theme to be described as "so talented and intelligent - if only I applied myself and not be lAzY.", while "applying myself" into burn-out....
@arishlevi318 9 місяців тому
So true , my maths teacher is the same I felt so much terror and irritation around him but them I understood he is trying to motivate us to do more better because he knows we can do much better . Then I started to be better not because of him but because knowledge is powerful , then he started to praise me a little but too, I don't fear him anymore .When I look at the past, I can say, those moments were important for making me the one I am now , I got to learn so much and humbled soo much, slow to criticize and judge and understand the motives of people actions first .
@adabsurdum5905 9 місяців тому
F that noise. He arbitrarily decided to treat you without dignity because your personality made him upset. He wouldn't tolerate the same behavior from you if you just suddenly felt like some aspect of how he behaves warranted being berated and embarrassed in front of other people.
@BerryDustBabe 9 місяців тому
This new era of self help and healing has left me feeling unbalanced
@olajezewska1311 6 місяців тому
SAME IM QUESTIONING EVERYTHING ATM
@DamyanTenev 6 місяців тому
Same,self help,improvement,development makes me depressed and actualy makes things worse
@olajezewska1311 6 місяців тому
@@DamyanTenev for me it helps bc it’s the only substitute I have for not wanting to 💀myself but that dosent mean I’m like fully satisfied
@maysprejudice 5 місяців тому
@@DamyanTenev because this is how progress works. you're kind of sitting in down there and as you try to make things better and move forward, you're met with uncertainty, and so you start to unconsciously question whether you're doing things right & you just get really stressed somehow and confused and lost because you've never been that self aware of your actions and behavior. beginning to make conscious decisions(especially ones regarding overall self-discipline and communication skills) can be quite a journey. it's very normal to feel repulsed, burdened, weak or unable by the thought of having to build some willpower and discipline to make changes about yourself and your lifestyle. i hope that made sense 💀💀💀🚶♀️🚶♀️
@mrs.ana93 5 місяців тому
“Self-help” is a lie. Took me a long time to realize. I mean of course if you don’t help yourself at all then you’ll just become a nuisance to society. Although human beings are social creatures and we thrive in a community. Our society is pushing individualism SO hard and has been since the early 1900’s, and once century later and look where we are..
@nawalmusa5924 6 місяців тому
Thank you for sharing this, I always struggle with being kind and being taken for granted.
@milaknightt 7 місяців тому
THANK YOU for making this video. It really compacts the thoughts about the self-centered society we are living in. People just don't realize politeness is such an important thing in society.
@TZ19999 9 місяців тому
Being "brutally honest" as a personality is one of the most annoying things that has grown on the internet. I can't imagine what being a teen today must be like, I haven't even graduated that long ago.
@cosmosisrose 9 місяців тому
so true I’m only 21, not very far removed from these kids and yet the way we grew up/are growing up seems so different. they have a lot of pressures that I wouldn’t have been able to cope with at all - like people just put your face on the internet without asking or walk up to you and start asking random questions like if someone interviewed me in school and put it online I would’ve been so upset 😭
@emilie6466 9 місяців тому
I think the term “brutally honest” has lost its meaning all together. I don’t think people are brutally honest most of the time. Most people are instead “brutally opinionated” and will go to great lengths share their views without stopping to consider anything else. Brutally honest people care about what their saying and consider what other people are feeling but say what needs to be said without sugar coating and acknowledging the harshness of what their saying.
@Shirumoon 9 місяців тому
@@emilie6466 I resonate with this so much. Brutally honest people will rarely be honest about their feelings and needs (especially towards themselves) and always act out of a hurt ego and wounded inner child. That has nothing to do with authenticity and I do my best to avoid such people.
@jamiegibsn7543 9 місяців тому
real life isn't like how it seems online. i'm sure teens are the same, just different era.
@pyromaniac034 9 місяців тому
Yeah a lot of people in my high school would just flame you for the most meniscule things and they would call it being "real" or being "honest". Like no you're not being real You're just a douchebag who found justification to lean into your unpleasant nature.
@crunchyman5330 10 місяців тому
Being nice is the default. The only people who are mean are those who were hurt by others who were also hurt. Pain leads to fear, fear leads to hate, hate leads to suffering. The only remedy for suffering is gratitude.
@ronjakatariina 10 місяців тому
❤
@emilyrln 10 місяців тому
@@KaleighCeethey did not, but it's very close. "Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering."
@crunchyman5330 10 місяців тому
@@KaleighCee I paraphrased it because anger and hate in the original quote are not too dissimilar so I decided to start from pain. The main point is that the phrase: is true.
@eliiphim 10 місяців тому
I always think about who got hurt first and started the chain
@crunchyman5330 10 місяців тому
@@eliiphim That's not so different than asking "where do we come from?" at an existential level.
@lucialoveri3950 6 місяців тому
Watching your video is not enough for me anymore, I need to be in the same room as you and listen to your voice for hours. Yeah I know that I sound a bit obsessed but that's what I actually am. How can it be that someone put into such perfection an opinion I had been trying to defend for years? Really you reminded me of this philosophy in a moment of my life where I was getting sick of everyone shit and was growing intollerant and almost indifferent to others struggles(I've always been a people pleaser). Thank youu
@lowestpoly64 4 місяці тому
I swear Olivia's philosophy video essays have taught me more about bettering myself than anything that actually claims to be about self-help
@mihaelfailslife2096 10 місяців тому
"You will at best be momentarily praised and then ignored" This line assumes that we all crave attention so badly while some people generally like to be nice for themselves and it makes them feel better
@wren_. 9 місяців тому
it’s because we’re deprived of real human friendships. That’s just the mindset under capitalism. don’t get me wrong, you can have real friends that you like in a capitalist system, but it is much much harder to let yourself be that open. our societies praise ruthlessness, when that is not how people were meant to function. If we were all ruthless and didn’t care about each other, we wouldn’t have brains. We’d be dumb stupid animals that mated and died never knowing or caring about our full potential. it’s a very backwards system if you think about it.
@Fuar11 9 місяців тому
Doesn't everyone fall into that category though? Being nice to people DOES feel good. Regardless of whether they consciously think it or not, people are nice to each other at a fundamental level because it triggers positive emotions. If being nice to people was agonizing, nobody would do it.
@Tonysopranoyafinook 9 місяців тому
People virtue signal solely to be seen as a good person. Doing the right thing when nobody is looking is called integrity.
@EmmaneTheCreated 8 місяців тому
@@Fuar11I find that majority (maybe not but a lot) of people are nice with the expectation that it will be appreciated. Most of the time when somebody is nice and it is met with indifference the person will start to complain.
@ravenousrex4141 9 місяців тому
We seriously have an empathy problem, people should be embarrassed.
@samanthakim5035 9 місяців тому
True Saw a comment that said “Empathy is the bare minimum” And I explained to the comment of what that person meant and as expected, no response
@saurovaki 9 місяців тому
👏🏾 👏🏾 👏🏾
@444tayyyy 9 місяців тому
womp womp
@accutane666 9 місяців тому
maybe shame isn’t the best tactic here?
@ravenousrex4141 9 місяців тому
@accutane666 they clearly didn't respond to the empathetic route. You don't have to be nice to rude people. That was also a message in this video.
@Maya-pg6tw 7 місяців тому
i really enjoyed this video so much and i wanted to let you know that you are my favourite content creator, and your video essays are well researched and thought out. i really love your channel!!
@tinuosu 6 місяців тому
Thank you for sharing this. I have always had trouble making friends, but my addiction to the internet has made me a selfish individualistic piece of flesh. The pandemic quarantine also made me completely disconnect from reality. This entire video really, REALLY called me out. I will try fixing this situation, and thanks once again.
@gztloji 8 місяців тому
I always remember the quote "people who say they are brutally honest seems to like brutality more." Also being individualistic and empathic can coexist
@sinejorine 9 місяців тому
I am so concerned for the future if empathy, common sense and kindness dissapears. I think the internet is slowly killing us by making us mean and self sentered.
@JA-xq6eq 9 місяців тому
then get off the internet
@DarkAquaVII 8 місяців тому
Same here.
@bogang5119 8 місяців тому
We’ve always been mean and self-cantered. It’s not Liz’s fault that some people think giving up themselves for others is normal and proves you’re not self-centered. If you constantly put up a farce and are faking nice to others, it’s gonna drain you. Be genuine, you should be nice sincerely also instead of faking it. And how do you sincerely be nice to others? By not putting on a mask all the time. You don’t feel like talking? Don’t force yourself to. Those closest to you will understand if you had a bad day. Don’t intentionally not talk to them for a long time. Just don’t when you don’t feel like it. How do you know you’re genuine? When you feel more relaxed around others. You’re not trying to please them, you’re just in the same place with them breathing the same air.
@bloggerbee2598 8 місяців тому
Facts. Individualism is going to be our next downfall. It will allow society to fall for us vs them thinking and diminish community.
@sinejorine 8 місяців тому
@@bogang5119 Yout don't have to give up on yourself in order to not be self sentered. It doesn't take much effort to be kind. Im not saying people have to go around smiling constantly and saying hello to everyone on their path.
@e_r_i_c465 3 місяці тому
By the way, this is my fav video you've made. You did a fabtastic job on unpacking this because this is something that everyone goes through on theire day to day.
@cass465 7 місяців тому
Women are always raised to be nice and put others first. I’m okay with them seeing some encouragement to focus on themselves. I’ve never heard a video say “go out and be mean, really rude all the time.” It’s usually advice like “it doesn’t matter if others don’t understand, just do what makes you happy” and “stop making excuses for others” “have confidence when you speak” “stop putting men on a pedestal”.
@iwetmypants8647 4 місяці тому
true
@nervousbreakdown711 10 місяців тому
It will always confuse me how many people will complain they’re lonely and you try to talk to them and they’re like the worst people you’ve ever met
@Kaybye555 10 місяців тому
They are alone for a reason
@duhastbitch 10 місяців тому
Everytime someone says things like that or say things like "I don't need friends", I think they're actually the problem.
@engelberthovel8566 10 місяців тому
Lmfao true
@thesevenkingswelove9554 10 місяців тому
Some people are extremely shy or socially awkward.. But even those people nowadays get friends because they get into anime circles or just befriend other introverts who stay quite.
@amdiary7 10 місяців тому
I hate that because then it makes people who are actually really lonely but not by choice seem like they’re the problem when they’re not 😓
@phangkuanhoong7967 10 місяців тому
People who often say "i'm just being honest," just want to use "honesty" as an excuse to be asshats. I should know. I was one of them.
@Mia-ge7xf 10 місяців тому
I read somewhere people who say they are brutally honest often enjoy the brutality more than the honesty . and it stuck with me. there are a million kinder ways to say a thing but certain ppl choose a way that would hurt that person the most . on purpose. I'm glad you realized that you did this too - it takes self awareness! you should be proud of your progress! sending love!
@alrightloves 10 місяців тому
Yeah, that's true! I believe the people that watch these videos were people pleasers and such & they feel so connected cause they literally have someone telling them "Start ghosting, no one deserves your love, be selfish, if you're not getting smth out of a relationship you are wasting your time...etc" Well obviously, they'd feel empowered (in a bad way) 😷 So much selfishness & ego based content!!
@rogerhurtubise2150 10 місяців тому
The couple I have known over the years are also the most likely to freak out if you critique them. Brutally honest with skin thinner, then tracing paper.
@bananamerchant6387 10 місяців тому
Yeah I said this in another comment section but I'll say it here: this mentality is purely an ego stroke. Simply put, they want to put you down so they can feel better about themselves. They're rotten miserable people and you're better off not associating with them. All they're going to do is drag you down until you feel absolutely worthless around them.
@lizzye1952 8 місяців тому
as an orthodox jew, a lot of my life is focused around valuing community and other’s lives. The book “Pirkei Avot” is an ancient Jewish book (part of another book, the Mishna) which discusses ethics (its english is ethics of the fathers) and how it’s so crucial for your own joy and life to be good. to be nice. I honestly find it so disgusting how self centered society has become, everything i see online is about find enjoyment (particularly in the material) but the greatest joy I ever have is sacrificing (most) my individuality to join in a communal activity- dancing, singing, praying. By joining with a group, caring for everyone in the group, and the knowledge that you would do anything for that old lady on your left that you don’t know- that’s how one is happy. thank you for this videooo!!!!
@user-hp7uz7ws3e 2 місяці тому
be nice to others until it's the palestinians :)
@neegopw 8 місяців тому
Ya llevo rato mirando este canal y es increíble, me encanta como narra, la edición todo, me encantaría escribir esto en inglés pero no se como hacerlo asi que Thank you so much for doing this videos ♥️
@ratonoralo4358 10 місяців тому
there's nothing i hate more on the internet than people glamorizing rudeness. being a people pleaser does not equal being polite and having basic decency. trate os outros da mesma maneira que gostaria de ser tratado. anyways i love how well you get your point across in all videos!! its clear how much thought and how much work you put in all your videos ❤ looking forward to your next subject
@ann6878 10 місяців тому
It’s very annoying seeing people trying to imitate being the “IT GUY/GIRL” by being annoyingly rude.
@okkelly6207 10 місяців тому
BOJACKK
@markavatar1296 9 місяців тому
No one is hated more than he who speaks the truth
@giohpires8179 9 місяців тому
It's funny how 90% of the comments here are about WizardLiz (which I like a lot); that was cited in about 2 minutes of the video, and ignored all the other 35 minutes. This is an excellent video that says a lot about how, nowadays, our conception of being a "good person" is solely based o what people on the internet accept as good and forget the essential things of life. The same people who are fighting against big causes are being rude and disrespectful to people on TikTok, for example. It's not that we shouldn't fight for those big things, but as Olivia said, it's kinda hypocritical to care superficially, and in reality, you don't respect the people around you or even those who you don't know in the vast online world.
@lexxiiiii 9 місяців тому
oooo fr
@vmvalen 8 місяців тому
100% agree
@apinchofdisappointment 8 місяців тому
‼️‼️
@mtpchoixe 8 місяців тому
bc she had to get attention by commenting liz first to appeal this nice video lol
@des.mezzzz 8 місяців тому
Isn’t that how Olivia got 1 mil views on this vid tho? your comment is very true either way.
@SerifSansSerif 7 місяців тому
Thank you. It takes a far stronger person to be kind than a self centered one, and a generous person is one that realizes they have more than the need or more than enough to be able to share.
@QiWeiLim 7 місяців тому
I'm so glad I found this video and that it exists. It completely speaks my mind and put my messy thoughts into actual words and theories. Growing up, I've come to notice many ppl glorify being brutally honest, mistaking being self-centered as 'self-care' and thinking when someone is *choosing* to not hurt ur feelings as being 'fake'. It confuses me and I had a crisis about am I dumb or stupid for being nice and considering others?? But this video, gave me an answer. We are human, and by default we are kind because of the humanness. The online world takes away the actual human face, and hence explains why so many ppl are affected by toxic 'individualism' and brings it to our actual world; seeing being nice as being somehow, a loss. (keep in mind that being nice and being a people pleaser are totally different, the latter is not what we are advocating). We're all human, let's not lose that empathy and humanity in us, be kind:) Thank you so much for producing this video💖
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