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As a stay-at-home mom of 8- and 6-year old boys, I can tell you that disciplining children requires A LOT of time. There are days when I spend close to half our waking hours disciplining and correcting. This is part of the sacrifice required to raise flourishing humans, and why it is important to have a parent at home.

Even back in the 70’s…..friends of my husband came over for dinner with their child….about 3-4, who in the course of events thought it was great fun to slam our front door …over and over and over………since the parents totally ignored the situation….eventually I went and held the door so he couldn’t slam it and said “No”. Didn’t touch him. Didn’t raise my voice even. Just said “No”. He had a complete meltdown. The mother took him out to their car because he was screaming. She was furious at me…..and the husband went along. They left and we never saw them again. My husband (who became my ex) was pissed at me and thought I was out of line. I still don’t think I did a thing wrong. I sometimes wonder how that child turned out.

"Don't let your children do things that will make you dislike them."

Children are lacking independent play time outdoors. This has led to children growing up anxious, unsocial, and frustrated.

My mother in law gave some great advice on discipline. I asked her how I will know when to discipline children. She told me to ask myself if actions of the child would be tolerated if done by an adult. If an adult comes into your home and intentionally goes around knocking things off shelves, repeatedly slamming doors, kicking you, calling you names, that’s when to discipline. Anything you would not tolerate from an adult is definitely not something you would tolerate from a visitor in your home. That being said, she reminded me kids are not little adults. They do not have the ability to regulate their emotions until older. That doesn’t mean they can get away with destructive behavior. That’s when the teaching moments come in. They need to know actions have consequences. Never burden them with adult topics. Do not allow kids to think they are the center of the universe. Give them age appropriate chores. They need to know how to do every day life. We taught our kids how to cook basic things starting at age 3. Kids want to learn. Teach them. These people saying chores and cleaning are abuse…get out. Kids never having accountability is why these now adults are behaving the way they do.

Divorce compounds the problem. The parents compete to please the child and assuage their guilt. They opt out of conflict with the child out of fear to losing them to the other parent.

My grandma, who was the single best person I have ever met, was an orphan by the age of 8… she had 10 siblings , she was one of the youngest. The older siblings just took care of the younger ones, there was no foster care or foster parents. She left school at 8 and worked in cotton mills… met my grandad at 16 married, stayed together for life. Grandad was in the army, then a mechanic with his own business. They lost a couple of children young, then had my uncle and mother: my mum and dad divorced and my grandma helped to raise me from when I was 12 weeks old. I never heard that woman talk about trauma, or how hard her life had been. She didn’t sit and dwell in her feelings…. I never even heard her complain. She had every reason to, she had a very real difficult childhood…. But she just got on with things. People today have no idea they’re born!

I have a niece who thinks that no discipline is the way to go. She has a 5 year old daughter, and she is the most insufferable child to be around. Nobody likes her, my grandkids cannot stand her. I actually feel sorry for her, her parents are abusing her and I am sure it will have very bad outcomes in the years to come.

I love Jonathan’s point about learning to accept injustice. I’ve noticed the practice of buying a kid presents on their siblings’ birthday getting more and more common. Because it’s ‘fair’. By contrast when I was a kid, sometimes my sister would get something and I wouldn’t, and vice versa. And we learned the lesson that sometimes other people get things that you don’t and that’s life, there doesn’t have to be a reason. So much of the modern silliness can be traced back, to some extent, to never learning that lesson.

I'd just like to add a different perspective, my grandma called cps on my mom for her disciplining me. So now, as a parent, when my toddler throws a tantrum In public, I take her into the bathroom, car or go home, and punish her privately. So to others, I might not look like I'm doing anything, but I actually am, but I don't want to lose my kid because Karen called cps on me. 🤷‍♀️ that's something I'm very scared of because we get judged when we don't punish kids, but then when we do, everyone has an opinion and a phone and end up judging you for how you punish ( correct) your child.

I'm an older man and I would add that it wasn't just my parents who disciplined me. It was a responsibility that nearly all adults accepted. The lesson "respect your elders" was not just some warm and fuzzy suggestion but it had actual teeth. If I misbehaved near any adult then they would tell my parents or scold me themselves. This has been beaten out of our culture by well intentioned idiots. These are the same people who claim that "it takes a village" to raise a good citizen. Also, parents themselves were expected to discipline their children in public. If little Billy was holding the door closed so people couldn't go in the store then dad had better handle it or someone would scold HIM! In general I think we would do ourselves a favor by not casually chucking out generations of tradition without careful consideration of how it would affect us.

It’s all so crazy. When I pulled my kids to homeschool them, we entered that community in our area and it was like going back in time in the best way. There are still families who remember how to raise kids. ♥️

I would like to add that inconsistent parenting is equally harmful as permissive/soft parenting. When you have one parent who berates and screams at you for talking back, and the other who allows you to get away with doing nothing and everything, you end up going absolutely insane, because your mind is fighting against itself over what the "correct" mode of operating is ALMOST ALL the time! Speaking from personal life experience: Don't have kids if you hate your spouse! It will not save your relationship, you'll just destroy the child's life and your own.

As a father of 2, my wife & her family (mother & grandmother) are ALWAYS trying to undermine, challenge & oppose my authority over my children. The kids will talk back to them, scream no & speak really aggressive to them, then when I come with a stern voice telling them to stop, they do it immediately with no hesitation. But then I always gotta hear about how I’m being mean or they’re using excuses like my son being on the spectrum (as if autistic people can’t comprehend discipline). I’d think they’d be appreciative that I can get the kids to behave when they can’t.

I'm old, and I grew up in Africa. It was highly unusual for a child to grow up without a broken bone, or sprain, or dislication, or chipped teeth, as we spent our time climbing trees, swimming, trampolining, having adventures in the bush swimming in rivers ... When a kid got the mumps in the village, my Mom washed our faces, put our shoes on, and took us to visit. The philosophy was that childhood diseases toughened your immune system... 'What does not kill fattens'! Very serious incidents such as a bite from a venemous snake or hospitalization from illness were infrequent. Although we were taught in early school years how to identify water likely to be infested with bilharzia and other skills like that, we never did learn why tortoises managed to run away and never be found when we only took our eyes off them for a moment!

Good friends of mine have a child who they claim has ADHD, like it’s a blanket excuse for his behaviour; I can’t help but notice that they NEVER follow through on threats of punishment. When my son is disciplined, he knows it.

Man, what a difficult conversion. We know that human strength is built upon resilience training. However human efforts are directed towards creating comfort for ourselves and others. This creates the conundrum society is facing right now.

“It’s not fair!” My mom: “Who told you life was fair?”

I brought up 3 alone and it’s hard work. Old school discipline raises resourceful independent adults who have character .

My high school latin teacher made us repeat this: "Life isn't fair, nobody owes you anything."

How many parents do you hear, quite proudly, saying "they are my best mate..." when talking about their children. This tells me all I need to know about an adult when I hear this.

I am extremely thankful for the way that my mother raised me and my brother. We grew up in a very “life is not fair”, if you get hurt walk it off, over reacting isnt gonna get you anywhere, just rub some mud in your wound type of household and all throughout life from teachers, grandparents etc my mom was always told we were super chill respectful kids and I think we’ve turned out to be pretty good adults because of it

To learn tolerance towards frustrations (sorry just translated directly from german)is one of the most important skills.

One of the main things I've taught my son is how to grit his teeth and reset himself emotionally. Some may say "dont bottle up your emotions" -- that is the dumbest thing ever. To be a functioning adult, you MUST be able to control your emotions - thats slmost the defining characteristic of adulthood, especially manhood

As a teacher, I can attest to the damage that overprotecting children has caused. Try to manage a class of children in which you cannot have a standard of behavior because a parent will complain about the slightest thing you do. I had a perfect little girl, behaviorally and academically. However, one day she broke a rule. (Yes, I ran a tight ship. My school was an "at risk" school. The only things missing that prevented these kids from excelling academically were high academic standards that were followed and behavior standards that allowed for high time on task for academic achievement to occur. So I set certain behavior standards that I tried to apply to all students.) She broke my fussy little rule. (This fussy little rule was actually the source of why my class worked, oddly enough. It was almost like be firm on the little things and the big things will not happen.) I gave my warning. She broke it again and I gave her the consequence: stay in for five minutes at recess. She told Mommy who went straight to the principal and turned this into a battle. Did the child break the rule? Yes. She did not deny it. Was my class always under control and on task? Yes. This little girl scored advanced in language arts and math. May I have misjudged the specific situation with this child? Yes. The parent acted as if I had traumatized her child for life. Children are far more resilient and they know who cares; they know right from wrong. We are not giving them credit. We are not supporting teachers who have a difficult job to do for all children, not just one or two.

Nearly everyone in our society is turning a blind eye and failing each other by not saying, no, and using the age old tool of peer/societal pressures. There’s tons of pressure to pretend nothing bothers you, toxic happiness, and the infantilization of the American citizen.

I brought up 3 kids. All adults now. Discipline isn't punishment or harsh treatment. It's just enforcing fairness and decency in a consistent fashion. Kids completely understand this.

One way you achieve resiliency as a child is by being tested in multiple environments outside the control and mediation of adults where you have to negotiate and get along with others.

Discipline is so important that I can't begin to explain here. We are seeing how important it is in real time. I weep for the future, but I try to stay optimistic 😊

It is important to discipline your child not only to make them better people as they get older, but so they can be happier. Poor discipline could also lead to lack of respect and not understanding boundaries. Raise your children anti fragile, strong and resilient.

A good example of "risky play" might be, for example, riding your bike down the steepest hill in town with your feet tucked up on the handlebars. Not that I would know anything about that.

We let kids climb trees all the time at the school I work at. They also play among large boulders and cliffs. Norwegian here. I work with kids aged 6-10 mostly. 1st-4th graders. Like our Inspector said in one meeting, "If a school doesn't have at least 1 broken bone a month, something is wrong." That was a comment he came with during a meeting, where the topic of all the restrictions we face these days when it comes to the kids and what they are allowed to do came up. The only trees they aren't allowed to climb, are a few in the middle of the school yard because they are there mostly for ascetic purposes, and to provide shade in the summer. We don't want them ruined by hundreds of children climbing in them. We got a small forest for that. The only restriction is the 1st graders, they aren't allowed access to the woods and the big trees. Gotta wait 1 year for that. I also see the effect of children not being used to rough playing. In the instance that they do, play rough, they don't know to hold back. Which usually ends with someone really getting hurt. But the kids who often play rough, are much better at limiting themselves and holding back so as not to truly hurt the other kids they are playing with.

(GenX'er) There is a balance to everything... speaking to discipline as a form of correction, I have 3 kids, each responds differently to discipline (no surprise there). In the end, for me, it's what produces the desired result. I take their personalities or response to past discipline into consideration to inform how I deal with them. I'm not against spanking but it wasn't effective with my kids. It's work, it's hard, but not discipling them? That's not an option.

I think one of the main reasons people don’t want to have kids anymore is because the idea of discipline is out of the question. Thus the only option is living with a little monster.

Really important to draw a distinction between acute injustice and chronic injustice/abuse. Some amount of occasional unfairness is good for people and creates antifragile strength, but CHRONIC abuse/injustice has the opposite effect, creating anxious weak people who don't feel confident in standing up for themselves.

Many years ago, before my wife and I had our kids, she worked for the YMCA and ran a special parenting counseling program. This consisted of a hired social worker working with dysfunctional parents. What my wife learned, and passed along to me, was the need for consistency, never allow the kids to play one parent off of the other, and if one parent makes a decision you support the other, regardless if you agree. (In the latter situation, you can retire to a private space and hash out the differences, never in front of the kids.) And another skill is to ask the kids, if the other parent isn't around, "what did your mum/dad say". They will also learn that you'll confirm what they said with the other parent.

I am a housewife with 2 children (8and 7 years) with one on the way too. And believe me, it takes a whole day of disciplining to get your children to understand. It is very very important that they know what is wrong and what is right because they will grow up and take on the world. It is not easy but it needs patience and consistency.

When I first had my children i heard the term credit card parenting - pay now or pay later with interest. That became my mantra. Discipline should never be blown out of proportion, so based on the infraction it was most often a time out or a consequence of a toy taken away, grounding, or some such. I can count on one hand the number of times my kids got a swat on the hiney. We had a wonderful friendship growing up but I had no trouble turning on mom-mode when necessary. And no matter how hard (and exhausting) it sometimes was to follow through, I managed, and my kids managed. They are now loving adults who care for others, have discipline in their own lives and careers, and love the Lord. I’m very proud of them. P.S. my son just asked me this weekend (they are starting a family) how I instilled in them to never mouth back at me. I told him that from the youngest age that they could talk, if I heard even a bit of sass in their voice I would have them say it over (and over) again until the sass was gone.

At my youngest son’s parent teacher conference last week he was asked what his goal for the semester was…”get better at climbing trees “, was the answer…

Disciplining is a synonym for teaching, not punishing. Plus, there’s a segment of parents who’ve been convinced by wrong behavior analysts who say ignoring bad behavior is the best way to decrease it over time. The best way to discipline misbehaving children is by using compassion and empathy to meet them where they’re at and bring them up out of it.

I have 9kids...5 boys!😂 I am 64 and I am not apologizing for disciplining my kids so they can healthily interact as adults with society!! Gentle parenting is so judegemental!!

It takes time and patience to discipline your child. You need to know when, how, and lots of time, patience. You can talk to them and reason, but sometimes you just have to say “because I am the parent.” So far my teen is a wonderful human being, but so many don’t know how much work it takes to have a child behave respectfully while still having an opinion.

I've had several members of my grandparents' generation confide in me truly traumatic events they've been through, and then point put that they're totally fine, then ask why my generation (as adults) cannot even handle the smallest of setbacks. That's gotten me thinking . . . hard. I think this is the main problem: children are protected from even the smallest hardship to the point that when they're adults, they can't handle anything.

There was a really interesting study that came out maybe 10 years ago comparing “dangerous” playgrounds to “safe” playgrounds. The dangerous playgrounds had metal structures, high swings, hard ground, etc. Safe playgrounds had plastic structures, low or no swings, and rubber ground. What they found was that while kids got more bumps and scrapes on the dangerous playground, kids had far more major injuries, like broken bones, on the safe playground. The conclusion from the study is that when kids were allowed to get hurt doing small things, they regulated their risk taking better. If every fall is cushioned and every bump minor, then kids were more likely to climb to higher heights and jump or run full force towards the structure because they didn’t understand the incremental risks that lead toward the big injuries.

I'm a Gen X and so glad I grew up when I did. Playing outside, learning how to be resilient, etc. Today I see a bunch of 'tender' children grow up to being 'tender' adults.... crazy!! The sad thing is that some of the parents are Gen X... I'm just baffled by how soft they are raising their durn children.

Been fighting this my whole life. The entire world is drifting towards feminine neuroticism and no one seems to realize that the world we’ve been enjoying is a result of tremendous amount of risk taking.

I don't care what anyone thinks, believes, assumes, accuses, and feels about this matter. I discipline my son and he's a phenomenal 6 year old boy that leads his classes at school by example.

I once put my nephew in time out becuase he was hitting his brother with scissors and his time out was literally sitting on the couch by himself with his blanket, watching tv. The way he behaved you'd think i locked him in a empty dark room or something, he was so upset.

My dad told me one time the world doesnt give a crap about you or what you think. While that may sound harsh once I understood what it really meant it became a means of enlightenment. Kids now a daya will never understand that and the freedom it brings.

How do children know how to function without boundaries? Boundaries with kindness can be done! My daughter is testament. I refuse to smack, it takes time and repetition, but they are quick learners! Set the boundaries at the beginning. They are unmovabale (even if it inconveniences the parent) you usually only have to affirm it 2 or 3 times. Consistency is king! Life isn't fair and the world doesnt revolve around one single person. The quicker kids can learn this the quicker they can get on with being contributing and productive members of the human race!!

Tender children get brought up without proper discipline, they are weak and at the same time have zero respect. Raise your children anti fragile, strong and compassionate

Answer: A culture which promotes neuroticism, the byproduct of a rising share of children raised in single-mother households and their attendance in a female-dominated educational system.

I remember in middleschool we were allowed outside to stand in a field after lunch and i went to climb a tree and got it trouble for it. They litterally just wanted us to stand around in a field and do nothing. Idk why im posting this but it just came to mind when watching this

One practical consideration, is more households have either single parents or both parents working full time, and they don't have the time or energy to discipline their kids. So instead they rely on tablets and teachers. It's awful.

I'm from Austria, and we have the Alpenverein (it's a nature & outdoor club centred around the Alps)... and one of the first things they told us on a family-weekend in the mountains was, they said to us parents "We do not want to hear the words 'be careful - don't do it it's dangerous' " - reasoning, like you said, kids need to test their limits and they usually know how far they can go! This was years ago, and it stuck with me!

Im Gen X and coach young boys at a "ninja gym".I have to teach kids how to go across monkey bars and do forward rolls. Things every kids I grew up with figured out how to do on their own at recess.

I literally never disciplined my kids. Both of them 1) never had any temper-tantrums, 2) while in grade-school, came home about once a month with rewards for good behavior, and 3) never showed any signs of adolescent rebellion. My secret is that I employed the East Asian method: being relentlessly loving when they were little. You co-operate with them, they co-operate with you. What have the East Asians gotten from this approach? Ancestor Worship. And a tendency to be really too conformist ...

This is very good... Jonathan Haidt has always been a voice of reason. Reason, of course, is something that few now-a-days even know what that is....

I had a great, close friend from the uni, we were inseparable and loved each other very much. Then she got married and had a kid and for years we haven't seen each other outside of their home. Which I thought was ok, given the baby and all (now I know it wasn't ok). When the kid was like 4-5, I started suggesting the two of us went out a bit, just to grab coffee without the kid (she was a stay at home mom). She said she wouldn't separate from her son not even for 1-2hrs to sit and have a coffee with me, so the kid went with us. I basically spent a lovely summer afternoon sitting alone on a cafe terrace with two cups in front of me, because she was running after him as he wouldn't sit in one spot, disturbing the guests and making noise. At some point she tried to be strict and said "Listen, I want to sit and chat with my friend, you need to sit at the table too". And he threw such a textbook tantrum, like from the movies, all with crawling on the floor, beating with his fists and screaming with all his might. Then she said "Sorry, I have to take him home, he's nervous, I have no idea what's with him today". I dared to say to her that he looked jealous seeing her give attention to someone apart from himself and that was what was with him that day, and will happen again, and that it would do both of them good to occasionally spend a bit of time not with each other. She said that I had no idea what I was saying and "you'd understand if you had a child, you'd want to spend with him/her all the time in the world". I did go on and had two kids and I had no issues leaving them once in a while with their dad or grandparents to catch up with friends for an hour or two. I never saw my best uni friend again, and it's been 20 years since. I can imagine her 24 yo son now, a kid who was brought up to feel as if the Earth revolved around him, entitled to every bit of partents' time, attention and life.

As someone who works in retail, I can’t stress enough how many children come through and have no disregard for respect and manners. I watch parents who don’t care that their kids tear up a store break things and then just tell them to hand it to somebody who works at the store or better yet just leave it. I was raised when you go to a store you don’t touch anything because you can’t buy it and if I was to break something I would have to apologize to the store and there would be a consequence later. And these parents think their children are so cute and sweet and yet they’re a little hellions that no one wants in the store.

True love is corrective. It will discipline. And it will be misunderstood by the disciplined at the time, but it will be good for them in the long run.

Parenting is a roll of the dice. Good people come out of horrible homes, bad people come out of great homes. Do your best, feel guilty anyway.

Back some time ago, my son -in-law was deployed to Afghanistan. My daughter called me one evening and related how my eldest grandson who was 14 at the time was being disrespectful and obstreperous that day. I asked her how she responded to this and did she discipline him. She answered that with his father being away for so long she was reluctant to really come down hard on him because of that. I gave her a blast and asked her why she was denying her son the same benefits that she was provided with growing up. I asked her how she thought I would respond it she had been like that to me. She shuddered at the very thought. I told her the real reason was that she was trying to protect her own feelings about having to exert some discipline and because of this she was short changing her son from valuable life lesson. I also told her that if she didn't come down hard on him then, what the hell would she do in a few years when he would tower over her and get worse? I believe that parents who fail to discipline their children do so to protect their own feelings. They don't realize the damage they do to their children and I truly believe that this lack of discipline is a form of child abuse.

Parents should think about the character traits they want for their children. Bravery, perseverance, honesty, etc. If that’s what you focus on, discipline gets much easier.

I don’t think people have a problem living with injustice.

Hmm feels like this conversation needs more nuance (maybe there is a longer version of the clip). It is important to teach your kids that sometimes life is unfair, but the parent doesn’t have to be the one to implement the unfair scenario, life will throw up plenty. The parent can be there in those times explaining that sometimes life is unfair and help the child determine if that’s a battle worth going against or letting it be (weighing up the pros and cons)

Beautiful. Beautiful! This snippet made me think about what I've felt but could not put words to. So disgustingly important! Chef's kiss!

Children absolutely must learn 3 things: responsibility, consequences, and the simple fact that they are NOT the center of the universe. Also- correct behavior in public is not relative. We all know the difference between well-behaved children and monstrous spoiled brats. And we owe it to our children to teach them to be the first one. This only comes from discipline. If everyone in the room is judging and hating your child's meltdown, that's not their problem, it's your failure. Period.

I think there's a few issues at play here: 1) it's easy to get canceled : if someone else thinks you're over-punishing, a short, properly edited clip to social media will ruin your life 2) what i like to call the pendulum affect: our parents probably over-punished and instead of going to a more reasonable spot, they stop completely 3) divorce : any type of disturbance here means you lose your kids 4) karens : We had karens calling police because 12 and 13 YO kids were walking home from school (in one of the safest cities in the county) 5) conflicting parenting teachings: research has shown so many conflicting findings from a surface view, and let's face it, most don't read the whole study and media only covers the headlines. So most don't understand what's a good form of punishment and what's not 6) any black or blue mark on a kid, or even them complaining to a school official now gets Child Services forever intwined in your life there's probably more too, but I see these are great contributing factors

I met a woman who worked for a family in my town (rich financial hub of Manhattan) that said she was fired for saying no to her bosses child that she was paid to take care of.

Learning only happens during times of discomfort. We raise kids into adults, not just raise kids. Life is a merciless teacher. We do our children a great disservice keeping them from mistakes and consequences.

I’m a sahm raising a 2 year old and already we’ve gone through a huge phase of me disciplining him all day long. It was meltdowns and tantrums constantly when he wouldn’t get his way for something.....to me it was like, oh hell no....so the timeouts began and my boundaries got super strong. Now, a few months later he really understands that tantrums are pointless (although he is a toddler so he’s still learning to regulate his emotions), but the timeouts are rare now, and if he does need a timeout- it’s quick and that’s that. He usually just needs that moment to self regulate. I’ve also noticed that my son doesn’t have tantrums in public anymore and he actually stares at kids who do. Sometimes he tells them “no crying” 😂 like he’s trying to help them out lol. Anyways, I’m no expert obviously, but so far committing to discipline when you need to (even though it sucks) really does hav the best results for your kid.

Am i the only one that can't unsee the picture frame cat ears?! Bro HAS to be doing that on purpose

When I was four, I was getting in my dad's way while he was trying to work in the yard. I must have managed to piss him off really badly, because he said, "If you do that again, I'll throw you away!" Of course, it was just hyperbole, so I did it again. My mother heard the whole thing from the window and said, "Dennis, if you tell him you're going to punish him, you need to follow through." My dad and I looked at each other stunned. We both unconsciously agreed that that was sound logic. My dad hoisted me up and gently set me inside of the trash can with all the sticks and yard debris. I remember looking up and asking how long I had to be in there. My dad was still baffled and said that he didn't know. I was probably only in there for half a minute, but it was valuable lesson for both my father and me. From that day on, there was never talk of idle punishment for poor behavior: it really taught me about discipline and honesty.

Accepting injustice Radical acceptance It can be incredibly difficult But incredibly important to recognize when and how to put it in practice.

You even see this with peoples dogs. I feel like I’ve never seen more people my age who have ill behaved dogs and can’t figure out how to train them and have them in training course just to get them to not act like a wild animal.

Parents should be authoritative and discipline their kids, but they shouldn't be authoritarian and tyrannical (overly harsh and unfair all the time). There is a balance so you don't fuck up your kids

My kids get plenty of it, but so do I in the process. They have till they’re 18 to get it right. Discipline is a process as a result. So is patience.

The father who does not discipline, hates his son--Proverbs 13:24

Reading some of the comments. No , I am not friends with my children. I am their mother, it’s a different type of relationship. I do love to go out with my now adult children and spend time with them . They have turned out to be awesome loving and responsible adults. Very proud of them. As kids they respected me as their mother not friend. We would do sports together like fencing, read a lot and today they both like to read and still fence! Much love but the dynamic is different between parents and friends.

Well, I definitely feel a lot better now about my past parenting choices, lol. When my boys were young, I would do things like take them through a tree top obstacle course. While the youngest claims that gave him a fear of heights, the oldest has learned to stand his ground on many occasions, and is comfortable taking calculated risks.

As an immigrant who lived in my native country for the first 30 years of my life, I can clearly see the difference in the mindset of people in the so called developed country to the apparently third world country where I came from. People here are so fragile, so hypersensitive and focussed on the minutest of wrongs. All the conversations I hear are about how something is wrong or someone did something wrong. When you are so used to things being in order and perfection that even slight deviations cause distress.. Where as where I came from, even if 90% of the things were bad, people use to focus on how to make things work with the 10% they got, have the attitude of ‘s$&t happens, move on. How can I solve this and get ahead?’…

Balkan childood: climb trees, playfighting, running around with stray animals. Both girls and boys. All fun & games until mama/grandma took their slipper out haha. Didn't have a PC until 12 and internet until 14. Very grateful for all that! ❤

It's never too early for bro-psychology.

Loved your video!

I grew up with a very old school family, military parents, mum left to be a sty at home mum as my parents had 9 children together. She was traumatised as a child and had a very tough love but she was super maternal too so I think it was pretty balanced but also very hard at times. In all honesty when my life got really hard it was my mum's words that got me through survival. I do struggle sometimes with my son as I'm a big softie but I have to understand how important discipline and simple boundaries are for him to grow as a person. He's only 4 now, he's a big lad and very athletic already and his south African raised father hae been doing so much. Rough play so I have to make sure.he knows how to be responsible with that strength and size

Their afraid of going to JAIL!!!!!

Some fair points. But most young people go to school, which means that most young people know what injustice feels like, as a result of being in the mainstream school environment and system. (John Taylor Gatto has written about this prolifically.) Peter Gray, at Freedom to Learn, likens school to prison, where children's and teens' liberties and agency are markedly hampered, as a result of coercion and compulsion. So I can't accept the notion that many young people don't know what injustice feels like.

Time out didn't exist when I was growing up. I'm glad.

I think this is a very complex topic. I am an elementary teacher. I have seen children with bruises, welts, burns, etc on their bodies. The parents would say they were disciplining their children, when they really are abusing them. Calling DCFS is the worst part of my job. And I would not discipline my children in public. Too many Karens and people who want to get a crazy video to go viral out there. I do not know the solution but I do know that everyone is stretched too thin, overwhelmed and exhausted in today's world:(

Humans evolved in tribes of up to 300, with low technology levels. I remember reading The Source, a novel by James Mitchener, long ago. It's about the history of the Jews, supposedly based on facts. One curious thing I remember from that book: Mitchener claimed that Israeli children raised in Kibbutz were a tiny minority of Israelis, but for some reason were a huge percentage of the Israeli elite....political, academic, scientific. I would guess this is because the children were raised in robust environments, with strong local communities, lots of social peers who acted as siblings, lots of moral guidance from religious leaders, a cultural emphasis on learning. That's the formula for success of children, making them robust. The Kibbutz seems a natural experiment in successful raising of children to reach their optimal potential. I know a fair number of younger people who are in their 20s, who grew up as the only children...no siblings. They seem emotionally and socially stunted compared to the Boomers from large families I grew up with. I don't think we are meant to grow up alone. I just don't think small families in isolation produce robust children. It takes a village to raise a child. It pains me to admit Hillary was right about that. We need to reorganize our lives in villages of common interest. Teal Swan has a video on that, in Denmark. You see this pattern in success data as well, for various American ethnicities. Glenn Greenwald has a graph on this. "2nd Gentleman to WEF"...11 minutes in, with the data: Jonathan's ethnic group, Jewish Americans have the highest income of any American religion, followed very closely by Americans with parents from India, in a neck and neck race for most successful American group. Why is that? They both follow a similar pattern to a kibbutz: Both groups tend to be "clannish" and are often accused of nepotism, looking after their own....that psychologically acts as a tribe upon the people in those groups, in my opinion. People criticize those people who focus on local tribes, their own ethnicities. This seems to miss the point: we evolved to be clannish and with a nepotism bent in the first place, other cultures should adopt that attitude. It is more successful and produces more robust children. Do what works.

Influx of single mother household and those same divorced women as therapist, counselors and public education. No one says it. This is the result. Children constantly needing affirmation and validation raised to be sensitive and entitled with poor work ethics.

I find it easy to discipline my nephews because I know they love me no matter what so I just say No To add to it: My brother and I didn't see us for many years. Kids were 6 and 7 when we came into contact again and the kids loved me from Day 1 for no reason really. This gives me a tremendous calm in handling them. I didnt have to win them over in the first place. I cant loose their affection. I show them when I dont like how they act

Discipline involves teaching children how to behave. Punishment is a aspect of discipline but not the focus of it. Teaching is the focus. I remember struggling to explain to my then 4 or 5 year old daughter why she had to clean up her glass of spilled milk. She said I was punishing her for an accident that it was not her fault. I told her that it was her fault because she bumped it with her hand. I agreed that it was not deliberate but it was still her fault - her responsibility. Then I explained that if she had done it on purpose, she would have had to clean it up without my assistance and then she would have been sent to her room without finishing her food. That would have been a punishment. The whole process of her cleaning up the spilled milk and the discussion of her grievance was the teaching - the disciplining her. My mom later asked me why I allowed her to sass me. I did not see it as sass. I saw it as a teachable. Life is not fair. Accidents happen. You are responsible for cleaning up your messes even if they happen accidentally vs deliberately. Children are reactive by nature. They must be taught how to behave - how to respond appropriately to life - how to understand and follow the rules governing different situations in life. All the punishment in the world does not teach children how to behave.

Schools. Kid comes in and mentions he got his butt slapped. God forbid it left a mark. Next thing parents see is Social Services at your door asking why they beat their kid.

American parents all need to sit down and listen to this conversation. Most of my friends entertain and humor their kids, I’m not sure what changed.

I think most people underestimate little ones. You can say No, as they start walking. I raised 3 well behaved children who are now graduating and working, thriving young adults. You MUST mean what you say, and follow through with what you say. I gave one warning, then took away the favorite toy of the day. I didn’t even have to do it much once they learn you mean what you say. They learn actions have consequences. Also, if they didn’t eat their meal, there was no snack afterward. Simple and consistent. Never used time out, never spanked. We were often complimented on how well behaved they were. 6,3 and infant, when #3 was born.

I had a simple solution for my kids fighting: You fight, you _both_ get, "the spoon." No, it's not fair. My reply to that? "You know what's not fair? It's not fair that when I walk out of the room one of you starts antagonizing the other one until you start a fight. If you don't want to be fair with me I'm not going to be fair with you."

They were fed the lie that sparing the rod means you love your kids.