1) avoidant body language 2) talking tentatively 3) asking first instinct questions 4) retreating after a miss 5) bragging unnecessarily 6) prioritise being agreeable over being true to yourself

I grew up being a very shy kid who wanted people to like me. Years later, after being in situations where I have been forced to talk to people, I realized that it's easier to speak to people if you're not afraid of them or what they think about you. The older I get, the less I care about the world and social acceptance. I've always felt like an outsider anyway, so I don't have much to lose if I meet someone, strike up a conversation, and that person doesn't show interest or is cold-hearted. I'm still shy and quiet at times, but I don't let my inadequacies bother me to the point that I won't try new stuff or engage in small talk to people and make eye contact with them. The TV shows that are presented in this video have actors following a written script---so that's not a real life example of people navigating their way through a conversation. If I had a written script, I could always end up a winner in every social situation. Real life winners have experienced losing moments. Besides all that, I've found that a lot of people aren't really worth fretting over. If someone doesn't like you, there's 8 billion other people to talk to. So don't waste your time pining over the ex-girlfriend/boyfriend or lost friendships or any other missed opportunity to talk to someone you admire. Just keep moving forward.

#6. One time I was rushing home because I had to poop really bad. Literally, I was about to poop my pants. I was speeding, and ran through a red light. 2-3 weeks later, a ticket arrived in the mail with a red light ticket and it wasn't cheap. If I remember correctly it was ~$150 or so. I called the number on the back of the ticket, hoping to explain my situation. The operator transferred me to the Officer or Supervisor and I got their voicemail. I left an impassioned and honest speech on their VM about how truly sorry I was but that I really had to go. An officer or police supervisor called me back a few days after the voicemail to tell me they'd be voiding the ticket and that my voicemail was played throughout their office and left everyone in absolute stiches, laughing at my expense. I couldn't help but start laughing and told him I was glad they got a kick out of it and expressed how thankful I was for them voiding the ticket for me. The price I'd pay to get my hands on a copy of that voicemail. Anyway, just goes to show being honest does work.....

A big problem with pausing and I think the reason people use so much filler is because most people are usually too excited to say what they need to say. So they’ll use any break in your sentence to interrupt you and start talking about their point. Using filler words fills in any breaks so people can’t cut in.

I hate that people think when you're tentative you're not confident. Sometimes you're just thoughtful. We need to promote thoughtful people, not just people who come across confident. In my experience that confidence is actually just arrogance as they state false things with complete confidence.

I took a public speaking class in college and that class ended up being one of the most useful courses in my life. Listening to yourself and others speak is so helpful eliminating those filler words and speaking with confidence.

I find it somewhat narcisisstic of the society that the majority of people struggle with those traits and STILL require others to behave like this towards them. I mean, learning to behave more confidently has value on its own and makes you feel better no matter what, but a little understanding for those who struggle would go a long way. Thanks for the useful hints!

Appreciate the love guys!

Pausing works when you’re being interviewed or giving a speech but in a social situation you will be cut off no matter how charismatic you are

Pretty good advice. Just one thing about the pausing instead of using filler words. Those celebrity videos don't really reflect my real life experience because celebrities are trying to be charismatic and polite. I have always been pausing instead of filling the silence and even if it's just for a few seconds, 9 out of 10 times I get interrupted because people assume I'm done. Maybe they are just not even listening after asking me something. It's weird to me, it feels like everyone waits for the slightest chance to get the spotlight.

Keeping a list of things to do and not to do while in conversation is only going to give you more tasks to juggle and create more anxiety. I did it for years and it did exactly that. I got better at faking confidence but never actually got more confident. A bigger turning point was actually getting curious about other people. That naturally makes me open my body to them, address them directly, ask questions about them, etc. Plus with less to think about, when I'm answering their questions about me 1. I actually heard their question and 2. I'm absolutely sure they actually care to hear the answer. That makes me able to tell my story without thinking they might not care and I don't have 7 things juggling in my head to distract me from just telling my damn story.

Can I give a tip to people who may find all of this too overwhelming? Just be genuinely interested in people. Ask them about themselves. Dive deeper into their answers, don't just move on to other things. Try to really dig into what they enjoy, why they enjoy it, and then (and this is important). COMPLIMENT them on it. "Wow, that's honestly so cool. Good for you." This takes "rules" out of it. Just be interested and complement them. Great example of this is Bear Grylls. Anytime he talks to people on his show, he's just SO genuinely interested in them, and rhe love he has for people shines through. He doesn't have to act or think. It's a natural thing for him. And I think it can be natural for a lot of other people too.

This channel has single handedly made me go from extremely introverted to extroverted introvert, thank you Charlie and Ben, you guys are changing lives. Edit: Ima just get this out of my system, DAD I'M FAMOUS! Dad?

This channel helped me go through a lot of stuff on work. It's fun to see different characteristics people have in a work environment.

My favorite way to blow off a bad joke is "they can't all be winners" its got this weird level of self-awareness that you gotta try even if it fails, but youre not bothered if it does

0:43 The way Matthew is sitting cracks me up💀💀. Bro looks mad comfortable

When i was younger I put extra stress on myself in social situations. I wanted to be a talkative extrovert. I learned to embrace my quiet nature over the years. Do what feels comfortable for you. If you are always agreeable and it isnt a issue for you then dont stop just because of what others think. Short version = do you and own it ❤

Even if you're an extrovert, there are a lot of great tips in this video, like not using filler words and not going along with the crowd when you fill strongly about something. Great advice!

i like this channel a lot more than I expected. I always thought I had a pretty good handle on these things naturally, but your videos really are unique and thoughtful and I will definitely use some of these tips

Your channel has been irreplaceable for helping me be successful in sales

Wow, this video was truly amazing! The content was well researched and presented in an engaging and informative manner. I learned so much and appreciated the attention to detail. Keep up the great work, I'll definitely be watching more of your videos!

Thank you for this insightful article! It's a valuable reminder of the importance of self-awareness and social etiquette. Recognizing and addressing these social mistakes can empower us to present our best selves and build stronger connections with others.

Thank you for adding value to our lives. I see myself getting more comfortable with awkward situations or conversations 😁😅

I've loved this channel from day one and you guys have still improved immensely since! I wish I had this channel when I was in high school because I needed it big time! But still your channel and the people behind it have helped me so much and I want to thank you. Keep up the amazing work!

I always loved that Dali lama one. He was so good natured (both of them really) it was so sweet

One of these habits I have to admit I use to do a lot and I’ve been working on it but after seeing this video I realize I need to work much harder on it! Thank you again for another great video!!!!

Dude, thank you so much! These videos have helped me handle social interactions and even a few insults. Like some woman trying to police on I clapped at a Banquet for volunteering. She was a plus one (not even a volunteer) and she literally put her fingers in her ears after the dinner was over and told me,"It was a bit too loud." Or something like that. And I took a *pause* because I was stunned and I decided I didn't care what she thought so I joked it off,"Oh I was clapping for the other half of the room." And when didn't get the response she wanted she didn't say anything else and everyone got up and walked out to take a picture outside. I'm freaking about to be 25, and she has grown kids and was a guest at _our_ event. And she's gonna be rude? She didn't know that I am aware of my naturally loud clap and I was *_already_* making sure to soften it and she _still_ said something. You can't please people, you can only do what you think is best or right. I was proud of myself for how I handled it and proud that I made sure to rein in my claps regardless if she knew the effort I had put in. So thank you for the channel. I'm always rewatching videos and taking notes to remember more tips later on.

I’ve started recording myself & watching the videos back & I’ve reduced my filler words exponentially! Asking interesting questions really makes people remember you, too. ❤❤❤

As a CODA, someone with (a) deaf parent(s), I profoundly appreciate the normalization of signed language user inclusion!

Great video. Solid points made, very well explained, with easy to understand examples.

Keep up everything your doing on this channel man it’s really good 🔥🔥🔥.

Being a good interviewer involves thorough preparation, methodical approach, showing genuine care for candidates, improving judgement to avoid biases, and learning from past experiences.

I like that you gave ways to improve like filming yourself. Great stuff.

Here’s a tip: STOP CARING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK!!

Good video with solid advice. Recording yourself talking is something I never thought about before. Will try that.

This channel has definitely helped in improving all round, thanks COC. Wait WTH,did I just write 🙆

The advice to record yourself speaking is brilliant. I mean, I won't do it, but it's brilliant.

You can even seem strong in your lack of confidence or in revealing a fear if it is one that is honest and you are consistent with addressing it.

Great points especially the one about videotaping yourself. I am a very honest person and many find me interesting because I joke alot, am happy and energized at work. This means I get asked a lot of questions, like constantly. Its almost like people get a bit of relief because I have stuff to say. This of course can be exhausting. For ex right now I am moving to another country soon,quitting work and EVERYONE keeps asking me stuff and often extremely practical (a.k.a. boring) things for ex "have you secured an apartment, when are you moving?" Or harder ones that require longer answers "how do this kids feel about it?" So I think your advice with taping answers could help me a lot. Simpky decide how I say stuff with confidence for ex "you know I really wanna talk about something else now, how about you telling me something about yourself?"

so happy for Hot Ones being on here! Sean's questions are so insightful.

I practice all of these except asking obvious questions mother always told me I didn’t care enough in life and I subconsciously tried to change myself to match her advise/expectations. Confidence has definitely been a major W in life compared to being shy and timid, lots more opportunities

Happy to see Sean Evans from Hot Ones getting some love! He’s such a great interviewer and seems to bring so much joy to his guests.

Definitely a video to check the comments on. The video is in probably no way wrong, but being confident isn't always your correct answer for every situation. What I do need to work on is being too agreeable. I try to be super honest about important stuff (the state of relationship, things that upset me and a working theory as to why, come to mind immediately). But I otherwise rarely am my own person (almost constantly taking role of devils advocate and thus not revealing my own stance, being fluid with my, and sometimes deferring to others, tastes or believes). The conversation of "what shall we do? playing games sounds right, but which? Well we recently played x. Y and z are also options, I have no particular desire to go with v, but I wouldn't exactly mind it either. (very rarely I give an "Honestly I think I'll not join on 'w', but go ahead I can keep myself busy and we can still talk" - in a tone that hopefully doesn't imply emotional blackmail)" has happened quite often. This may well be, because I often haven't taken a stance on a matter, but that feels close to a self-fulfilling prophecy. Also there is a lot of little lies or diversions when I am with a stranger / not yet close enough to count among my contacts, which I suppose isn't all bad (I have a lot of vulnerabilities among common conversations, like work, relationship, family), but certainly doesn't make it easy to connect with new people.

Haha i'm the guy with that testimonial that got the job after medical school! Charisma on command university changed my life for sure!

One thing I've learned to do when I find certain health care providers make me uncomfortable or don't listen to me or I just don't like their approach to things is to stop seeing them, altogether. I'm not ashamed to cancel follow-up appointments if these people aren't really helping me. I can always go elsewhere. I've noticed that when I cancel these appointments, they almost never ask me why. That shows me they really don't care about my concerns. Follow your instincts in the healthcare field -- if you don't like a doctor, or a nurse practitioner who is little more than a go-between or middleman (or woman) between you and the doctor -- than don't engage with them, anymore. They're either helping you or they aren't -- and not listening to you is a major red flag. So, don't be ashamed to sever a relationship with a healthcare provider who isn't working for you. Staying with them just causes unnecessary stress, which in itself can be unhealthy. Arrogance is another red flag. If they act like they think they're better than you and treat you that way, get out of there and don't come back!

Sean Evans is by far one of the best interviewers of all time.

I notice when I am more stoic and reserved I actually get more positive attention and am pursued more. Both my parents where con artists and had artificial charm. I never wanted to be like them and became very honest and reserved in my interactions while still maintaining strong body language and eye contact. I am very weary of over charismatic individuals due to my upbringing. Any thoughts? Is there a balance> ?

Number 2 was helpful. I have a stutter and I'm afraid to pause or stay silent for a while when I should take the time I need to say something.

That Dalai Lama joke had me rolling 🤣 It was good he just doesn't speak English very well.

I really like this series. One of the things that occurs to me, though, is that sometimes we're expected to be lower status. In social situations you're supposed to take up space and feel comfortable in your own skin but I've walked into business meetings authoritatively and made the boss feel threatened (or more insidiously, invoked the ire of people who are socially higher-status than me who immediately feel the need to put me in my place). I hate faking laughter at the boss's jokes but if you don't you're treated as the outsider. Are there techniques for maintaining self esteem while still signaling that your status is lower than that of those who are higher in the hierarchy than you?

Great video...thanks. I've blown several job interviews making those mistakes.

The thing I like the most is how, instead of being another video about doing things that are not YOU, this actually tells you how to be you but project that image in a better way. If that makes sense. We look away when we think something over / try to remember, which is fine (watch the clips and you see this even when they do it right), I think the key point is to not move your head down or to the side and just move your eyes instead.

I am a person who pauses. Unfortunately, I have met way too many people that takes pauses as signs of lying, lack of intelligence, drunnkeness, being on the nod, being ill, having a brain injury or brain volume loss, being handicapped, etc. So, I pause to gather the right words and I get interrupted by people interjecting things like WHAT? ... WHY DID YOU STOP? ... ARE YOU OKAY? ... OH NO! JUST SAY WHAT YOU INTENDED TO SAY! Oh yes, I forgot they often also take it as a sign that you are avoiding telling /calling them something awful in an attempt to appear to be a better person than you are. Which leaves me doing a lot of avoidant behavior, indeed- b ecause, I am literally avoiding any interruptions of idiotic proportions as I attempt to think while saying "Uhm .. err .. " and such as that.

Honestly, there was a time I'd follow advices like this. But they made me feel fake, forced and basically just copying others. In my heart of hearts, it didn't feel right to me. I feel so off and not myself. So now, I just be myself. Maybe I'd tumble and fall, but at least I was being true and genuine.

There's practical value in these tips, but deeper connections are made with people who don't believe in most of this. There is so much more to life.

Thanks for the video. I needed it at this time

I usually look down when talking to a person or group only when their presence bore me badly. However I am able to recharge and maintain eye contact a few minutes after. This only happens when I meet the same boring, predictable and judgemental people i.e from church etc.

I ❤ the channel. All the advice has helped me be a better version of myself. My question to you guys is this. I shared your videos with a few of my friends and they down play the benefits of self improvement by saying your videos are common sense and that they do these methods naturally (they really don’t). How can I show them this stuff works or is it simply people believe whatever they choose to believe. Also it would be a cool video for you guys to make about people who think they are great at something when in fact they are not. Thank you guys!

When i pause to think, this gives whoever im speaking to to interrupt me. I used to do this, but people around me would rather i use filler words than pause, as ive been told by others.

Thank you for these helpful valuable videos.

If you want to impress someone and feel like bragging, brag on them not yourself. They will immediately be impressed.

As always, very well said, and it's interesting how even the repetitive points through the videos help the viewer comprehend them deeply. However, not everything always applies to every (even western) culture the way it's said. For example, pointing out confidence and repeating this word over and over, in some cultures isn't what people have in mind as projecting the most, while everything that the meaning of it refers to is indeed what we wish for to see the most in the other person. For many, friendliness and humbleness or even shyness gain better impressions, but again, even in this case seeing people looking this awkward and uncomfortable, wouldn't be pleasing for them. It's very interesting.

1. Physically take space and smile 2. Don't use filler words but silence 3. Don't be mainstream 4. Apply self-derision 5. Don't brag 6. Speak your own truth Basically the application of several rules from Jordan Peterson's book. I started applying honesty, which is hard. As Jordan says : "Speak the truth and you'll have the adventure of your life."

This also kind of reminds me of an old school commercial, “When EF Hutton talks, people listen.” I always interpreted that to mean, be a quiet person and also think before you speak. Make sure what you say is going to make a difference. And speak with conviction. Thanks for the tips.

You don't need any of these tips. The key is to know what you are talking about very well and respect everyone but fear no one. That's it.

Hey, I was wondering about how to stand up for someone without coming off as aggressive? I’m not sure if you already did a video on it but I think it would be helpful in my life, thanks :)

Thanks for the advice keep up the great work 😊

Don't fear silence! Dear god I love that! I used to struggle a lot with "uhm" and "uhhh" and it took me until I was 22 to realize I wasn't thinking fully before i began talking. It feels awkward at first just stopping mid sentence to contemplate on what you want to say or how to express your thoughts so the other person can understand better, but you get used to it and you realize nobody cares, in fact they usually hold your opinion to a higher degree simply because you put actual thought into it.

1) avoidant body language 0:35 (hang your head, face away from people, not making eye contact) Strong body language will make people respect you more Smile, keep eye contact, shoulders back, take up the space around you Be open and expansive with hand/arm gestures Have strong body language, head high, shoulders back 2) talking tentatively 1:35 Don' use filler words and stuttering.. these habits get worse when you don't know what to say, so give yourself permision to pause and think before you answer a question, or even midway through a sentence. Don't fear silence * Keep head up, keep eye contact, no filler words Once you get good at this, your silent moments of thinking can become powerful moments that build anticipation (replace filler words and stuttering with powerful pauses is something most ppl struggle with even once you know you should.. :: ** 3:05 video tape yourself Record yoursaelf on video for 3-5mins a day asking yourself questions and answering them. Day 1: start with easy questions that you know the answer to and require little thought so you can focus fully on removing tentative talking .. what do you do? where are you from? describe your family etc. Speak at natural speend and put mental focus on catching filler words before you say them and replacing them with pauses Day 2-7 slowly move to questions that require more brain power like what is the meaning of life to you. Immeadiatley after each day's recording, watch the video. Within 1 week you'll see a noticeable reduction in filler words and an increase in confident pauses 3) asking first instinct questions 3:45 These are the questions everybody asks especially if the other person is high status in some way, high job ranking, really attractive, famous etc .. you can bet there are the same qyuestions they always get asked.. avoid these. Ask questions that most ppl dont ask and something the other person is excited to answer .. hopefully they light up to the question .. ask them what they're proud about or passionate about 4) retreating after a miss 04:55 don't retreat after a bad joke, you need to recover from telling a bad joke.. laugh at yourself 5) bragging unnecessarily 06:30 Most people want to be liked and they're not sure how to make people like them.. so they try to force what they think makes them likeable or admirable into the conversation. This isn't to say it's bad to share the interesting things about your life, you just want them to come up naturally. If people think you're telling a story just to work a brag in, they still won't like it 6) prioritise being agreeable over being true to yourself People do this because they want to avoid conflict Stop telling little white lies

I want people to leave me alone so I always do the opposite, unless its with people I want to spend time with or interested in.

LOVE this list, all stuff i really need to work on lol

Shyness is attractive to me. It's vulnerable and sweet. I'm not sure that "confidence" is the most important thing in the world. I feel like we should be more accepting of shy behaviors and let people come out of their shells on their own, rather than demanding they do things or be a certain way. I'm not saying a little confidence doesn't help; I'm saying that not everyone can do it, and that's perfectly fine.

That joke was brilliant, he knew it was going to bomb, and he told it anyway. Genius.

I’ve found that in avoiding “white lies” at least with dating is that when you are honest and then honestly complimentary it goes over much better. For a simple example. Do you like this dress? It’s not my favorite, but last time you wore that black dress I couldn’t stop thinking about you all night. But don’t give compliments if it’s not true. In my experience females are a lot more adept at picking up subtle signs of emotions. If you are feeling what you are saying, they notice.

I wish I had seen this video 15 years ago! It sounds like great advice. I’m going to do more research.

Great content! Invaluable!

Kristin was formulating her thoughts by looking away to focus on her internal dialogue, similar to prayer so that she could induce a thoughtful answer, which she did when she looked up again, with direct eye contact I may add

There are things I like about being an introvert, and don't always agree with extroverts.. However, especially since our society tends to be more extrovert-geared, some tools that come naturally to them would help me at times.

I use silence often and despise filler words. But I'm hearing impaired and don't have good eyesight so I tend to look at mouths or slightly to the side while trying to understand people. Once I get comfortable with someone's speech patterns, I tend to respond quickly and sharply without much thought of how it may affect their feelings, so taking the time to process first and responding slowly but ending statements with eye contact helps quite a bit.

Jamie Fox is naturally talented and everything he does always seems so easy😅 I love when he tells a story or just do what he do... He is just great🙌🏼

In summary, just be relaxed and your unapologetic self. Don't have to memorize all of these rules lol. Great video!

I have a hard time distinguishing between Confidence and Arrogance. I find these examples, they come off across as Arrogant.

I use these tactics in conversations with narcissists in my work place. It infuriates them. Especially the pause before exposing their narcissism to them. When pausing make clear eye contact wait 3 seconds maintain the gaze then eviscerate them with the truth.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐Excellent video with superb advice. I am developing a homeschool curriculum &, fingers crossed, a private school & I have added this video to include in communication, mindfulness & social skills instruction. Liked, commented & subscribed.

Would love to see a breakdown of Hollywood cliches that don't work in real life!

I rarely click on these types of videos because they are more often than not, complete BS. But this is a good one. What I liked most was, being honest, expanding and keeping your head up, and avoiding filler words. I worked many years as a presentation coach and manager. I'd give this advice on a regular basis. The easiest way to delete filler words from your public speaking is to film yourself speaking. You'll be just as annoyed by the filler words as anyone you might be talking to, perhaps more so.

Sean Evans is a genius, and thank you for your content!!! 💕 Beautiful descriptions

Nice, Chirs and his podcast are great!

that Dalai Lama joke was actually hilarious lol. I'm sure it's just a language barrier issue

Been watching you for years, but I stopped purposely because it actually made it harder for me to socialize make friends and everything do to the fact that I am an over thinker, and when moments came to use your tips and needed freezing like 98 windows computer because I just kept trying to use something from one of your video, then covid happened and I got worse and after that I bounce back by the my will of saying “ f#%k it” I still feel like I run out of things to say or I’m not paying attention to people because I’m constantly thinking about how can I avoid quiet moment, it’s just crazy how much crap I go through to just speak, anyways I’m not downplaying your content I’m just wondering if anyone else deals with that?

A great video with clever insights.

Great content!

People listen to and remember their part of the conversation. It's like I never said a word, unless I am supposed to give them something. I don't talk very much, anymore, unless I have to and I always have to push to get a sense of understanding. I avoid phone calls. I'm Autistic and I am very literal and intellectual. There are thousands of us. We communicate differently. Everything that this video brought up, to "change, to improve", how others see you, is how our brains function. It is very hard for us to lie. Today, one out of 36 children born are Autistic. Due to Toxins, Synthetic Estrogens, and Endocrine Disruptors in our mothers, and the milk, water and meat and "food" and "medicines" we are fed. In 1970's one out of 2000 children had Autism. They say rates have increased because more are being diagnosed, now. The Medical Industry is monetizing us more than ever, especially young children, and putting us on toxic pharmaceuticals, to correct our social skills, so they can feel more comfortable around us, like we should have to fit in with them and their facades.

You know, I kind of look forward to having a joke flop because I've found the fun in giving a self-burn acknowledging that it didn't go the way I wanted. The dryness is totally my sense of humor and it ends up making people laugh even more.

One of the best channels i ever subscribed to 👍

Great video, glad to see it

Enlightening, I forgave my dad for abandoning us but honestly (not something I’m proud of) I still feel resentment towards my mum for the amount of my life was detected to raising my younger siblings. Literally everything physically cooking washing cloths and getting them off too school, I moved out at 15

Have you any Idea how many lives you helped with your social advices?

Being truly good at something is also very helpful.

THAT was so sweet that the girl was helping the guy know its just confidence hes lacking.... hearing that will literally probably fix his confidence