Do you or a loved one have BPD? Watch our full exclusive series on borderline personality disorder HERE: bit.ly/2BQtXzx

Emotional neglect is something most parents don't even realise that they do. They can't give something that they themselves never received. Emotional neglect feels extremely invalidating and isolating. You can grow up with your parents being really great and meeting all your material needs but if you're a sensitive child and your parents invalidated you emotionally, you'll get fucked up.

As a licensed psychotherapist I really appreciate how she explains this. Keep in mind this is very similar as to how most other personality disorders develop. "Nature loads the gun, the environment pulls the trigger."

My ex has BPD, sadly I learned it after we broke up, then I understood his behaviour. They need you to listen when they are not feeling well, and tô take action. Not ignoring them or being deffensive. They have a deep fear of abandonment and all you need is to be more supportive and affective. They are good people struggling.

I wasn’t abused as a child, but I was rejected by peers/classmates for my entire childhood and I feel like that is definitely what caused it. I have extreme insecurity issues as well.

I feel that many people that struggle with BPD went through emotional abandonment by one or both parents. This I feel could be a large factor in how it develops in many adults.

This may be my favorite comment section of all time. BPD is one of the most painful psychological disorders a human being can have. I have always felt INCREDIBLY alone with this disorder. It's honestly so nice to hear other people who suffer from it speak about their experiences. I'll definitely get more in depth in other comments but I just want to thank everyone who is coming forward and sharing their story. You are not alone. 😘

started microdosing mushrooms in place of my prescriptions i feel like ive become a better person... best decision ive ever made. I wish it was more accessible to those that need.

This woman is pure GOLD!

Parents who are abusive towards their kids that develop BPD don't give a shit if the child needs help, if anything they blame the child for the behaviors they are showing which makes things that much worse for the child.

I was diagnosed with BPD at age 23. I am now 40 and still see it in me, even though I’ve toned it down over the years. Came from being abandoned by my mother and being raised by a narcissistic and emotionally abusive father. Personal relationships are so hard for me. Being left or ignored drives me mad. It’s definitely gotten better with age, but it’s always there.

Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.

Did she forget to mention that narcissistic parenting as a possible contributor to a child growing up to meet the criteria for BPD or did I miss it? Nothing more invalidating that a parent with NPD. They exploit. They lack empathy. And they feel entitled to whatever they want

I have BPD and the one thing that I struggle with most is knowing whether someone is insulting me and being abusive or if I was triggered by an insecurity or fear. So I just dissociate from everything or I'll ignore it, change the subject or get defensive. It makes me seem as if I am being self centered which I'm not trying to do at all! It's very hard bc I can feel of these things and think all of this and still not know how to properly communicate or respond. Which frustrates me even more.

Dr. Raani speaking about bpd on this channel saved my life 5 years ago. I was suicidal and after realizing I might have bpd I went to get help. I was diagnosed and immediately went to iop treatment program with dbt. Thank you for raising awareness and saving my life. Not only am I still here I am the a healthy healed person who has love and compassion for herself.

I highly believe bpd developed in me from growing up in a narcissistic emotionally/mentally abusive household in which I was the scapegoat of the system. :(

Watching a child spiral out of control, especially once they are adults, with BPD, is heartbreaking and devastating. :(

it's funny when she talks about how sometimes she interviews the families and they act like they have no idea how it happened. That's exactly what a narcissist would do. I think a lot of times the parents of the client who has borderline personality disorder are narcissistic so course they're going to pretend like they have no idea how it happened because they were "perfect parents"...

one thing that sticks with me and will forever is the fact that if my parents were just nicer to me and had more patience for me I wouldn’t have turned out like this and sometimes that makes me resentful.

I have BPD. I was actually diagnosed in my early 20s after a suicide attempt. And when i think about what may have caused it, I think of my parents, especially my mom, who always invalidated me during my childhood, bullying in school and SA. There are days where i don't feel anything at all. Like an empty body with no other purpose than breathing. I kinda learned how to handle myself through therapy but it's not nor it'll ever be 100% successful. Thank you all for sharing your stories. Stay strong and awesome ❤️

If parents have neglected their child, why would they admit to that in interviews?!

I was emotionally and physically neglected by both parents. My BPD is a severe case, and I’ve lost relationships because of it. I am a lot happier when im alone. My dog is my best friend, and when I treat my attention towards myself and her instead of others, I take much better care of my mental and physical health. Keep going ❤

It's automatically assumed that an "invalidating environment" is the parents... but children have siblings, as well... and a mini-society starting with Kindergarten...

Our son developed BPD when he was 18 after a company commander in the military bullied him to the point where he developed temporary psychosis. He grew up in a loving and accepting home with no neglect or rejection. He ended up taking his own life when he turned 21 years old. More research needs to be done about how traumatic experiences, like PTSD, can trigger other mental conditions that may have laid dormant until the incident took place. It's totally unfair to blame parents for BPD in their children because in many cases they had nothing to do with it. Recent research seems to indicate it's genetic more than anything. When therapists tell the person with BPD that their parents are to blame it only makes the relationship with their family worse, leading to more alienation and suffering. Regardless, we should all be very careful how we treat other people because we have no idea how it may affect their mental health in the long run.

"support in place for parents.... we put a lot of pressure on them, but no tools" Would love to see more community and support countrywide.

I'd like to take a moment to appreciate anyone who is trying to work on this and not just pretending you're fine. I was raised by a mother with unchecked BPD. It was a nightmare and now I struggle with avoidant personality disorder. If you have or will have children, it's imperative that you work on this.

I have bpd, my mother was an abusive narcissist, my dad was in and out of prison, i was sexually abused,raped, alot of trauma.. also have ptsd,anxiety,depression,and now chronic physical health conditions. My narcissist mother loves to tell people i have bpd.. though i am such a loving, kind, caring, empathetic, affectionate person.

I was diagnosed with depression at age 5 yrs. As an adult I have been diagnosed with BPD, with major depression and generalized anxiety disorder. My struggle has been so difficult and life long. I worked for 35 yrs but am now on permanent disability. I don't work or drive and stay home most of the time. It is extremely difficult finding quality mental health help due to the cost factor. I am now 59 yrs old and am trying to find videos and work books to help myself.

My previous therapist mentioned that when a mom acts in two edges (love and hate) chronically for the 'similar behaviors of the child', that may cause borderline. That made a lot of sense to me since it is confusing as hell because you don't know what to do differently to have a continuous love or stop the anger. I wonder what Dr. Ramani thinks about this detail.

I suffer from borderline personality disorder, trauma, major depressive, and adhd. I was emotionally neglected, bullied, in an abusive relationship, etc. I always feel guilty for whoever wants to care about me, and I end up self sabotaging. I've actually been anti social, and im alone most of the time because I know im extremely challenging. I have WAVES of moods throughout the day, and it goes from happy, depressed because I feel as if nobody likes me and they're out to get me, to angry at myself for not even knowing what I'm doing and who I am. My mood swings are absolutely debilitating. I'm a college student, and even when I socialize, I have out of body moments & im completely out. We know that others suffer due to our emotional instability. Which is why I personally cut people off as a whole. I can't differentiate the good from the bad, what's real and what's not. I can get EXTREME anxiety or paranoia over things most wouldn't. I get told by a family member that im scared of everything. However, im currently in dbt & I only recently started, but if there's one thing I've learned so far is that it's okay to not be okay. The rest will come after, once one realizes it's okay to seek help.

Its always about parents. If you havent healed your traumas dont have kids. PARAMOUNT RESPONSIBILITY to bring life into this world. Unfortunately most dont get that start being brought in to this world were caretakers havent healed their scars. SO SELFISH and not FAIR to the child.

What’s most devastating about BPD is later in life identification when the adult child then refuses to accept the reality of the disorder and will not attend therapy……

I’m so grateful you have shared this content, even three years later. I was diagnosed with BPD in college (along with major depressive disorder and anxiety) and underwent CBT which really helped for awhile. I didn’t bother personally researching BPD until I was in my late 20’s and it blew my mind to see that this was probably something my mom had been living with all her life, undiagnosed. It’s no wonder I have it. I’m scared to become a mother myself because this might be something I’ll pass to my child, and if I don’t genetically predispose them, I’m fearful that my parenting as a person with BPD may really harm them emotionally. I try my best to keep it under control but I still have my bad days. I hate to blame my mom for my condition, but I think back to all the times she made me feel inadequate and constantly judged, as if her love was conditional and she could flip on me at any moment. I was emotionally and physically abused. There were instances where she did not send me to school because I had bruising on my body. I was a straight A student and state-ranked violinist, I was captain of a nationally ranked dance team, student government officer throughout high school and was a gold award Girl Scout. I did not date boys k-12 and was a well-behaved child. I could never understand why she was always so disappointed in me and so cold. She would tell me I wasn’t good enough, repeatedly, before physically harming me. It’s no wonder I ended up the way I am.. i really retaliated in college once I was away from her by completing blowing off academics and partying a lot. I basically flunked out of college but was repatriated into the undergrad program given my failure stemmed from mental health issues. This was the point in my life where I was forced to seek professional help. My therapist asked my mom to sit in on one of our sessions and my mom completely denied any wrongdoing and said she was justified.. that was tough to see. Someone professionally licensed was finally advocating for me and I watched my mother flat out refuse to accept her culpability. My father never intervened during one of my moms episodes, and I resented him for that. He would leave the room when she was hitting me. I understand now that he was also scared of her at that time. I currently have a hard time discussing this with her now because she’s changed so much after becoming a born again Christian. She’s nothing like the woman that raised me. I have tried my best to forgive her so I can move on with my life. Unfortunately, my husband has a tough time connecting with her after I’ve slowly begun to share stories from my childhood. It reminds me of how far I’ve come and the struggles I’ve managed to get through. I fear that this cycle of BPD in my family won’t end with me, so I continue to try my best to control it. I really want to spare my children from this kind of life. I want to be a good mother one day. Just getting this off my chest..

As a person with BPD, it’s mostly environmental factors. Childhood teasing in school, emotional abuse or neglect from one parent or both parents, traumatic incidents in childhood years, or even a combination of these things. Honestly, all people with BPD need is a person who is truly “angelic” so to speak, and can purge these thoughts and instability with their love, because that’s what we usually lack, a love so pure and kind that it heals us, some people never find it, and that’s why they fill in the emptiness and rage and sadness with substance abuse, and I’ve been experiencing it, and it’s worse to know that this one person is so far away, so everything you do is futile.

A parent who constantly demeans the child, discounting the child's creativity and interests, name calling using demeaning and condescending comments "don't be so childish", "don't be silly" - well how else is a 3-4-5 yr old supposed to behave! Attempts to gain approval discounted. Continuous complimenting another sibling while putting you down, drawing negative comparisons between siblings to the detriment of the child developing BPD, therefore causing and resentment between siblings (which are life long in duration. Literally begging the parent to talk to me, about anything but talk to me, and getting rebuked for my efforts .... I could go on but it brings me to tears and a strong sense of anger when I think about it.

As someone with BPD who is really, reeeally struggling at the moment, I have to thank you guys and also the comment section for this well spoken information. Might help others understand why I was like I was.

this lady speaking about BPD makes me feel so validated. im 17 and have BPD (though i can’t be officially diagnosed until im 18) and im made out to be a monster. im incredibly empathetic, and often times people think that people with BPD can’t feel empathy or anything and it’s so so so harmful :(

These people who say “there was no abuse”, I don’t believe that for a second. That’s the thing with “abuse”, is what many people consider abusive, is what the other guy is doing. Beverly Engel has a book called Breaking The Cycle of Abuse, she gets very specific, and gives concrete examples, of what children experience as abusive. I bet these people who say there was “no abuse” are guilty of many of those things (physical, sexual and/ or emotional abuse and/ or neglect). Also, I agree with attachment theory, and how the seeds are sewn for BPD early on in the first couple of years of life. These parents who let their babies “cry it out”, and don’t attend to their needs as an infant, probably don’t consider that to be abusive either. But that kind of early childhood neglect has a huge impact. So no, I don’t think “there was no abuse” is believable. Lack of self awareness on the care giver’s part is more likely.

Borderline gaaang!!! where are ya beautiful souls? 😍♥️💖

This helped me feel not so alone ♡ I had narciasstic unempathic parents and both were severely verbally abusive and my mother was physically abusive...

I remember clearly that my mother would always look at me dead in the eye and simply say “ok? what do you expect me to do about this.” Anytime I’d come up with her with a problem.

It goes much deeper. I read an article that generational trauma can be passed down through the generations. They did a study on Nazi concentration camps survivors and found that the deep trauma actually was passed down through out the generations in families. Just like alcohol is passed down as well. It was really deep but it made perfect sense. I can see how it may have happened within my own family and past generations.

I LOVE doctor Ramani Durvasula!!! She always does a really good job of explaining things sufficiently!

I have BPD since 1989 and I’m still struggling with a deep sense of grief loss fear, emptiness and anger. 33 years of off/on therapy and the wound in my soul still weeps

I could listen to her for hours. Very interesting. Could you please have her back?

What about being adopted , getting bullied in school, sent to Military Academy, and 18 years of drug abuse. Finally last year, I decided to go to Arizona to meet biological mother she was a total meth head with lots of mental disorders. I finally left arizona after 6 months of struggling.now I'm back in Florida sober 6 months and have a better sense of well being of who I am now..

As a behavioral scientist, I love the way she breaks this down. "We're born with a temperament... We can hedge our bets... We can teach parents how to be the best parents" yes yes yes!!! Nature meets nurture. That's the crux of the behavioral sciences.

This is right on the money. I suffer with BPD and it's due to growing up with the most negative, cruelest mother on the planet. Nothing I ever did was good enough. No matter what it was. My entire childhood is just memories of my mom yelling at me and complaining about me or anyone else around her. There was never any positive thing that came out of her mouth.

In 1991 BPD was not treatable like it is today. The doctors were afraid to treat me and I was afraid to be treated by them. Now in 2018 we have tools. The more we discuss it the less people will be afraid. Thank you for keeping this dialogue, education and treatment relevant.

Narcissistic personalities often marry either a person of a similar mindset but a tad weaker or a purely weak enabler. Often with one being aggressive, and the enabler/weaker narc., then takes out his or her frustration on the kids. The kids are now the victims of BOTH, the narc and the narc enabler parent. The narc enabler parent's projected feelings, especially if the child looks like the aggressive narc personality/significant other, are the cause of the child's other torment. They become the second tormentor. Other times, and more often, dysfunctional families with many co-morbidities breed new mental issues. It becomes a toxic soup. The child either follows the lead, rebels, or dies out. Often all these things happen in the family, but... on the outside, the parents will both work in conjunction to produce a mask for the world. The children, who speak up, if they ever do, are labeled the bad child/ black sheep and dismissed....consistently. They are vilified into submission or taking the role as the "bad child". The public knows little else and dismisses this child as well. So,.... in addition, to being abused by the parents, the child is now neglected and dismissed by strangers. It reinforces in the child that he or she is truly the culprit and has everything all wrong....It's a confusing and unfair place to be... The other children, who stay quiet to protect the family honor, realize the con that has gone on for so long at their expense. This happens often in their late 20s to late 30s. But by now, however, they had supported the lie of family perfection, so when even they finally speak out, which is usually under unbearable circumstances, everyone is shocked. Most find it hard to believe or feel as though the child is now tarnishing the family's perfect image due to the child's own unfavorable life circumstances: "They are making up stories as excuses for their own failure." The invalidation is not just limited to the family...; unfortunately, it becomes one where no matter what, people will not believe a thing the only sane members are voicing...Eventually, the child/children (even adult children) give up...What else can be done? They knocked on every door.... And because children realize at different times, they cannot at times be there for one another either....The parents also often pit them against one another...Divide and conquer. Distract and defeat. Those become the parents' gameplay. Also, there could be one golden child or a child favored for the duration the narc ego/ambition/need requires. This child supports the low self-esteem of the narc and therefore also becomes the enabler. Why? Because that child feels respite from at least one person. So the child will kill if the parent asks... The child will do whatever it takes to keep that parent happy, whatever....even if it means mistreating, unfairly treating his or her sibling or target of the family. In this dynamic, one child needs to be that sacrificial child, who is the scapegoat, burdened with immense responsibility and often verbally, physically or emotionally abused. Both parents with these issues can cause a child to be emotionally neglected, unsupported, and unheard. This is the start of that empty feeling, knowing something is wrong but feeling hopeless, knowing others are wrong but being blamed left and right...incessantly... Money cannot buy peace. And often basic amenities that parents are universally required to provide are considered exceptional in this family and are used to excuse their cruel behavior: "We fed you, so all your other concerns are you actually expecting too much." (Invalidate your feelings, thoughts, concerns and also label you selfish and ungrateful) "I didn't hug you as a child or now, but so what? I fed you." (They will not entertain any flawed perception of them. YOU are considered in the wrong. How dare you?) "I made you deal with my marital problems as a child, so what? I fed you." "I didn't defend you when you were sexually molested, so what? I fed you." "I didn't defend you from the lies made about you, so what...? I fed you." There is no logic to the argument, and none should be expected. They will do ANYTHING to save face even if they have to twist things, be inconsistent with their thoughts, play mental gymnastics, lie....Again, dysfunctional parents are often great liars...(also very chronic and compulsive), so I would never believe a family unit when asked the simple question of what is wrong. I would believe the victim and really investigate and interrogate the family... Something is always in the closet...They have something to hide and have until then hide it well. In the end, the children suffer because the parents are selfish but also because society never wants to believe these things happen, nor want to step in to save the child... I wish that parenting and therapy were made mandatory for the world, then we could evolve instead of having to struggle like this. When I see a person hurting, even if they are in their 90s, I wonder what they have gone through at the hands of their family... It's always the family... People, who are going through this, please know that family is destined, but your tribe is not. You get to pick that. So, find people, who will understand and help hold your hand through tough times. + Find a worthy cause to immerse yourself in and remind yourself that you are doing something special and powerful. + Meditate. + Positive affirmations daily for at least 30 minutes. (There are many UKposts videos that do this. As silly as it sounds, you weren't given that affirmative 'vitamin' from anyone, but you get to nourish yourself properly by these affirmations. You are filling the well that was empty. Try it.) + Visualize the strong you, mentally and physically. (Try to see yourself as being unaffected by their lies, their behaviors, their lack of change.) + Exercise (It keeps you pumped with positive hormones and helps ensure your body is conditioned.) + Read good books. + Listen daily to positive talks. + Find a mentor, who you would like to emulate and who might have gone through something similar. (But do NOT consider them God/flawless. Often people, who have become something from nothing and had dealt with family issues might simply have traded one negative mindset for another. Proceed with caution.) + Try to find the good in your day even if small (If you have NOTHING. Be thankful of anything. The poster I hung is still in the same place. The color of the ceiling is the same and stable. You have to learn to build from that mindset. Eventually, you will find more valuable things and events to be grateful for.) + Declutter your room, workplace, and then keep it that way. (Make your bed daily. Look into it; it's small but stunning what it does to your mind.) + Get a camera or journal and record your day and your story and your thoughts if you cannot find or afford a therapist. + Do tell a few people of a few circumstances because you need to release the emotion but also because if you don't speak up, no one will know. (Try to tell people, who are not extended family or family friends but regular friends as the former ones can tell your parents, and then unmasking/exposing your abuser's facade will not do you any good.) + Read up on personality disorders and dysfunctional families to arm yourself with useful knowledge. + Most importantly do not get into relationships out of boredom, just because others are partnering up around you, and especially early on. You do not need to follow others off the cliff. You've already been tossed off cliffs your whole life. Don't volunteer yourself now...You will only be taking an ax to your mental health and peace by getting into a relationship. Most relationships for "normal" people are difficult to deal with, so when people, who have gone through traumatic, chronic, hidden stressors, get into one, it is even more painful. A bad relationship will set a "normal" person back a few months. For a person, who has gone through an awful lot, it can set you back years, if not decades. + Do NOT have a child as a band-aid to your life and especially not before you have healed your heart and mind and read up on dysfunctional families. It's up to YOU to break the cycle and prevent an innocent child from suffering... You will find peace. You WILL. YOU WILL. Take this life as a video game. You were given this role and this story, make the very best of it. 🌷 Remember, when the family you were born into was horrible, you get to create your own tribe. You get to raise yourself to be better. Take all that anger and frustration and work to help those, who are in worse positions... You will thank yourself for doing so... Find a purpose in your life that gives you that "endoskeleton", that bottom to the well to fill up. The hole or emptiness from your childhood and family life gives you more room to add all the self-selected positives in your life. Instead of being stuffed with nonsense, you have more room to fill your heart and soul with peace and beauty.... Find the silver lining. You are stronger because you proved you were.... Good luck to everyone. I wish you all contentment and comfort, but also enthusiasm and exploration. Let's take our wounds and create a better world. Peace. 🙏🌷✌💖

I was diagnosed years ago with BPD my childhood was terribly chaotic! Moved several times a year and grew up with a very unstable home environment with abuse and inconsistent temperaments with my parents mostly my father. almost 100% of what dr ramady says in my case is is very accurate.

This woman needs a TV show, she is such a great speaker and the way she explains things I wish my professor was that clear, she make it easy to understand all these medical stuffs

I feel so weak. If wasn't enough having BPD , I also have depression and anxiety

Also, negating may be presented in a “positive” way: such as when the child is feeling sad and the parent says to the child, “Oh! You don’t feel that way!” -which is due to the parent not being in touch with their OWN emotions. And who has learned to deny what they themselves feel...as an early-life coping mechanism.

I am so pleased to find this video - thank you 🙏🏻 My parents used physical violence as a norm, we were lined up and threatened with belts and slippers before we went out anywhere. I left home aged 5 after my father put me in a chest freezer for punishment, only made it to the end of the road before I was laughed at and bunged back in the car to be taken home. Up to the age of 18 my brothers and I were hit with fists, open hands, belts and slippers if we did misbehave, answer back or embarrass our parents. My father thought nothing of calling me a slag and giving me a black eye. From a young age I was called a dark cloud, negative, that I brought everything down... that I'm too sensitive, weak and I won't amount to anything unless I toughen up. I started cutting myself aged 7, which no one knew. It made me feel so much better... what a messed up mentality. I was eventually taken to a doctor aged 11 and told I was depressed. Every memory I have of my childhood is crystal clear in my mind and pains me still like it was yesterday. I'm almost 50 now and no longer speak to my parents. They say I have different memories to the childhood I actually had, that I had lots of money spent on me... sadly I remember holidays and private schooling but I don't remember any love. My mother denies the doctor visit happened as she didn't remember it... but I remember spending a week in my bedroom, a week without being bullied by my older brothers. Beautiful respite from being punched and called fat and ugly... I am almost 50 and feel so empty. I regularly say I have no idea who I am after having lived purely for my parents existence for so long. I had no idea what codependency was until 2 years ago... So to the parents, like mine, who said I had a wonderful childhood, a privileged up bringing - I say that childhood can only be measured in love received. Money means nothing in the eyes of a vulnerable and defenseless child. Thank you for this series of videos on BPD. I feel I understand myself better and it's one less grudge to hold against myself 😊 Just need to figure out how to lose the last 50 years of negativity and wasted energy on those who were not worthy of my trust and my love. Thank you for all the amazing help, support and information you give 🙏🏻❤️

The biological component she mentioned at the very beginning, instantly reminded me of HSP - a highly sensitive personality trait that was also explained to be not an illness, but rather a personality trait, something in the brain processing emotions on a higher level, causing the person to be more susceptive to environmental emotional stimuli. I wonder if those are connected?

I just happened upon your channel not long ago, and you need to know, the conversations with Dr. Ramani Durvasula are exceptional. I look forward to every video you two upload.

This doctor is AMAZING in her ability to simplify and humanize disorders that are impossibly difficult to wrap our minds around.

I LOVE what she said about communal parenting versus individual parenting. It takes a community, and our individualistic society really neglects this. No wonder we suffer mentally.

I was diagnosed with BPD. This interview described my life very accurately. Childhood? I was smarter than most kids in school and I was constantly punished for reading ahead, being bored in school, and held back by nasty teachers despite having a very high IQ. I always thought I was stupid. I had a hard time in childhood. Once I hit college the world became my oyster and I have been successful. I hurt more than most when I lose a pet, or see an animal suffering. I take breakups very hard. Thanks for this video.

I felt so much better when I was with my grandmother... I felt stable, nurtured, loved. I didn't feel anxious with my Nanna I didn't feel anything but calm and content. I wish when authorities threatened my mother my nan had followed through and taken me to live with her.

I would take her class all day! She’s so knowledgeable!

There is a smoking gun. The whole family has been trained to pretend it's not there. The BPD offspring (so often a daughter) is the canary in the mine.

This woman is truly amazing. She explains BPD so well even though she hasn’t experienced it. When I watch her videos, I always walk away knowing more than I already knew. She’s absolutely brilliant!! ✌️ I love all of my borderline friends and it feels like family when I meet someone struggling with the same afflictions.

i wasn’t neglected or abused but my dad got cancer when i was in 5th grade and died when i was a freshman and i think that’s where the fear of abandonment comes from

I would like to add that trauma is not only something that objectively happens, but also it is subjectively perceived and experienced as such. My parents were never abusive or anything even close to that, I don’t they were particularly neglectful either, at least going by their actions. But I have never felt emotionally connected to them, and that is the heart of why I struggle the way I do, today. I also have a weak and avoidant attachment with them. I do think they might have been brought up in invalidating environments themselves, which may be why they have had a hard time understanding me, and connecting with me. All that is to say that just because there was nothing wrong with the early environment doesn’t really mean that that’s the end of story and it must be the biological vulnerability part of it. I think things can be “wrong” in a way that is not blatant or obvious, the way I have highlighted my experience here. Also, we all know attachment is crucial for the future healthy psychological development of the child, so I would think that plays a big role in this as well.

I have never been to a psychotherapist, but I can definitely relate to borderline 3, as she laid it out in another video. I had mentioned that it felt like I had a split personality. Now, I can speak for myself. Now 62, 25 when this was happening, I attribute it to feeling a need to conform, to please and to fit in, and the frustration that comes from that stress. I went through the gay struggle, first with the church. I bade my goodbyes to religion in 1980, at 20. From that point through 25, the struggle was with my parents. The struggle peaked in 1985, at 25. That was when the Borderline 3 characteristics manifested. I thought I was going crazy! It was a crochet of normal, happy, serene and rageful, angry, volcanic. It makes you question your sanity. From 25 to 35, on October 9, 1994, an unexpected call from my dad made me feel unsettled enough to catalyze what I call conscious meditation. From that point onward, my mystery unraveled by itself. I had moved away from worrying about what others wanted to an inner exploration of myself. So, in a nutshell, the cause of the borderline characteristics was my attachment to the opinions of others, and not being true to myself.

A prestigious mental health institute diagnosed my traits fall into BPD and this woman's videos really helped me to live more consciously of my thoughts.

Borderline personality disorder comes from a narcissistic parenting. Also from codependency. So, many people dont recognize those narcissistic traits within their parents, that is why everything looks great from the outside. You as a therapist have to work really hard to be able to recognize all the symptoms of the narcissistic abuse before you label someone with bpd

My sister has Borderline, but I don't, I have autism. We came from a home where our dad was a violent workaholic and mom was seriously depressed and emotionally unavailable. I'm the oldest, so my parents always focused their abuse on me. Also, since I'm oldest I was always there for my sister, the youngest, while I had nobody. My sister learned to be manipulative very young, but since moving to the other side of the world, on her own, she was forced to grow up and is getting better. My sister could move mountains if she just believes in herself, which she's had problems with doing.

Dr Ramani has to be one of the most brilliant professionals in her field, she connects with her audience, goes straight to the point & everything makes sense! 🙏🏼 thank god for sending us this angel!

Thank you for your videos - helpful and very well done! My BPD was diagnosed in 1990 at age 35 but learned about it in 2005. I never bonded with my adoptive parents and my relationship with them was completely opposite that of my unrelated adopted brother. Even now, he discourages me from complaining or speaking up if I am dealing with a difficult situation. My parents were well respected and well liked by everyone in the community but I was treated so harshly by my mother who never showed me understanding or empathy and left me out of the loop on many family issues. Hopefully I can get therapy with a counselor who is a good listener.

If the parents don’t see the reason for their kids BPD then They are either the cause of it, or their children don’t trust them enough to tell them about the abuse or bullying they experienced

Having had worked in the mental health field for over forty years, I am still so very saddened by the extreme lack of comprehensive and adequate treatment for the BPD patient. My sister is afflicted with this disorder. She showed signs of abherrent processing as young as three years-old. To this day, I can steady her; maintain a consistent dialogue with her; and encourage treatment. My heart aches for her most when all reality is lost, and she presents as succumbing to her own private madness. This disorder is a lonely one. She was never able to live a successful existence, in that, none of her goals/aspirations were ever realized. Chasing after the arms of acceptance has always kept her from standing still long enough to truly accept herself. She believed the lie....and what replaces that, for her, is a treacherous vacuum.

I had a lot of support when I was younger. I wasn’t abused. The only trauma I experienced was the death of my mother , but I wasn’t a kid. I was 19. Symptoms started shortly after that though. Also had a dad who was emotionally unavailable , although not abusive.

This is so interesting. I've been mentally ill since birth though. Not diagnosed but I've had problems my whole life. My Mom always said I was "born angry." Was super depressed for as long as I can remember, horrible self esteem, and yes, my mother was hypercritical and invalidating. Funny thing though, I sought out mental health help in my early 20's. They never asked the right questions. I was diagnosed at first with major depression, then bipolar 1, then bipolar 2, then added to bipolar 2, generalized anxiety disorder. I am now diagnosed PROPERLY, borderline personality disorder, bipolar 1, generalized anxiety disorder, ADHD (why no one caught that when was a kid)? When I say now diagnosed PROPERLY, I am 53 years old! I've suffered my whole life! I was diagnosed at 50! That is atrocious. How could I have fallen through the cracks like that? I've been inpatient on the psych ward over 20 times. I don't understand that. But I will try to look at the bright side that I am finally diagnosed and can now be treated.

My sister has BPD and had a great childhood...BUT she was adopted and knew she was from day one. She was adopted when she was 6 weeks old. I think that initial "abandonment" triggered the biological responses

My sister has borderline and we both came from an extremely abusive and neglectful early environment/ childhood . Absolutely makes sense ! Thank -you .

The more i learn about this disorder the more my heart goes out to these people. I had a relationship with a girl who has this and it did not go well and i just feel so bad for her that that’s what all her relationships are like. :(. I really hope for the best for her and wish things were different and hope she keeps trying to heal

Love that this is finally getting more and more research.

For much of my adolescence, I was searching for the one adjective that described what my childhood was like that led me to such extreme reactions. One night over the phone to a friend, I shouted I never felt validated in any of my feelings or accomplishments or explanations... It felt like such a perfect word. Fast forward two years, and I was reading a psychology book for fun (yes, really), and I came upon the Cluster B's... It was already feeling a little uncanny when I started reading through BPD, but you know how it is when you read about psychological disorders, you start to think you have every one of them and then some. It wasn't until I hit the words 'often raised in an invalidating environment,' that I really paused. It was like a lightning strike. I felt the chill start at the base of my neck and shoot down to my feet in an instant, and I was literally shivering with how cold I suddenly felt. It was like dominoes collapsing down and finally being able to see the whole, big picture. I wouldn't say I'm struck dumb very often, but I really was. I had no words, and that doesn't happen often. I wish I could say, a decade later, that I'm all sorted out and whatnot. I'm definitely more self-aware, and I do take active measures to try and keep myself in check. DBT is a godsend. For a very long time, my solution was to isolate myself, to make myself an island. It's harder for BPD symptoms to crop up when there's no one to bounce those emotions off of. The few relationships, friendship or familial or romantic, that I did try to maintain often blew up and brought the worst out in me. It hasn't been until recently that I have been in a relationship where I did have to fight my instincts and impulses and emotions, every single day, all day, and still want to make it work. I'm not saying I won't resort to pettiness and explosive reactions in the future. Every day is fricking mess right now.... But when I wake up, in the middle of the day, by the end of it, when I want to break and act out give into my dangerous coping mechanisms, I find myself thinking, "This one is too precious. You think hate him right now, you think he's the worst right now, but this is the one you want to keep. You think he's leaving you, you think he's walking away, but maybe love isn't doe eyes and softness and affection and being together forever. Maybe love is having enough trust in someone to believe them when they say they aren't leaving you, even when they are walking out the door. Maybe love is knowing the situation isn't fair to you, and you still suck it up and act like the adult for once and take it. Maybe it's enduring this tidal wave of pain right now because you know, at the end of it all, you can actually still remember what happiness felt like before." It's hard to explain... But for all I've had to really flex my DBT skills in the past, for all I have a hard time keeping perspective, I know I've never had to fight this hard and still tried to stay stalwart against my own brain. Giving in feels natural, would be easy. Maybe love isn't easy, but there's something there that makes this one worth it.

My parents were at work all the time, about 70 hours a week, and I truly believe that was one of the driving factors. I was also adopted at birth, hence the fear of abandonment.

My sister and I are 30 and 32....we both have struggled with almost all of the symptoms related to BPD. We have never been diagnosed but definitely fit the bill consider our experiences in early childhood. Would love to learn more and get connected with any professionals that can help us understand/navigate this.

Hi, I was diagnosed with depression and BPD but I never showed any of my mood swings it was always quiet for me and always kept it to myself until I took myself to therapy and after two years of therapy I felt so much better and changed my Inner dialogue and how I saw myself, for me what it caused me BPD was loosing my mom at age 7 and that my dad wasn’t a person who talk about any emotional things or even believed in therapy or anything like that, I think its important to talk about this and also about how there are levels of BPD and that it can get better.

Mindfulness is the key ingredient of treating BDP - learning and practicing it is the game changer.

Closed captions are done great, thank you!

just got diagnosed with this yesterday, but I knew almost nothing about this condition. doing a lot of research and it’s like puzzle pieces fitting together! they way she puts things makes so much sense

I would love to see the statistics on the amount of children of narcissistic parents being diagnosed with BPD later on in adulthood. Thank you. This explains a lot.

My guess is that some generally supportive parents may fall short in handling their child’s emotional trauma, and that could be enough to cause BPD.

“We don’t know” - Thank you for this, Dr Ramani.

I would also say that not everyone who has BPD had an extremely abusive or negating family most of the time. I think my mother’s lack of invalidation was subtle and quiet and not done with intention by her parents, but had impact on her vulnerability nonetheless.

The parent is invalidating sometimes in hard to detect, subtle ways, even good psychologist like this one can't detect. All the siblings are invalidated but one gets more targeted than the others and there is your bpd child. One gets narcissisticly praised more than the others and there is your golden child/budding narcissistic child.

I prefer this style of host, it shows your reading comments from previous videos and changing how you approach interviews. Keep up the good work Kyle. Excellent source of information

I am going through this playlist and it just making me so sad. It's good that I finally found a reason why I am the way I am, but at the same time, the flashbacks I am getting making me sad

The way the video explains it from every aspect is very educational! A lot of people think this is made up or doesn’t exist…

I have bpd and had a great childhood. I was happy in school popular and hung out with all the “cool” kids. Something happened in HS where they all turned against me and I believe that’s what caused it. I am going to therapy right now for BPD and just was diagnosed so I know I have a lot of work ahead of me. I just had a child and I do not want my child to have this and I am hoping to get better. Either way after all this happened in HS I had a stroke and then was homeschooled and didn’t care about the fiends I used to have. Got into the bad crowd and also into drugs. My life has been a roller coaster and I just want to become a better human. I am praying they my relationship doesn’t effect this because I want to stay with the father of my child it’s truly important to me. If anyone has BPD and knows if there is medication and/or therapy to help this please let me know. Like I said I was just diagnosed and my therapist just started working with me but I want to fix it and fix it fast. Ugh I hope this made sense....

I have it. My mom n dad were VERY young parents who both grew up on troubled homes full of abuse. I was left for very long... stretches of time in my crib alone in my room but I could hear my parents, often partying and having a good time. I didn't remember this, it was told to me by my other family, my grandmother and my aunty. It got so bad that often my grandma would come to visit, and I'd be left in my room for days, as my parents partied. Yeah I have it but I did some psilocybin mushrooms a couple of years ago and it's been so helpful. I no longer suffer from some of the more common aspects of Borderline. But some are still there too, however my life is much brighter, and I take far better care of myself. It's no question. Anyone interested should look into Psilocybin, but don't do it on your own, get the proper help, and please don't do it if you're on medication.

Enjoying these interviews. The psychologist is very easy to listen to. She explains things well.

There’s definitely levels to this. I realized from my abuse and traumas I go 0-10 in 1 sec flat. There is no middle. Never been diagnosed have been through years of therapy... but also as an empath and sensitive person it can be hard when emotions mix 😞

After being raised in a very abusive home where I was responsible for raising my siblings and dealing with grown up issues at a very early age. I took every measure to carefully raise three children of my own. While raising them I had to raise myself and believe that I was only able to do that by enlisting the help of other parents who exhibited behaviors I wished I had been raised with. I learned very early in my motherhood that you can learn from anyone, even your own children, no matter what their age. I have the most loving, understanding and beautiful adult children who constantly praise me for a job well done. Thank you for making an effort to get more parents the support they need to raise the next generation of adults mentally healthy.