So true

As long as the other person has the same values and is willing to try but if you're flogging a dead horse well you could you can be amazing with your psychology but if the person you're with isn't willing to even go there and you're either going to have to leave and risk your financial security with that person or you know all love with it or we can't fix another person they got to be willing to fix themselves to she's Esther is amazing make good choices as they say

@@akhileshmagal well said there's a lot of good armchair psychologist boat some ask their partner is he cheated does it go to brothels what is on business trips see what the truth is she took some good stuff though

@@akhileshmagal o

Emotional intelligence or EQ isn't actually a real thing, it's just a social concept to make people that are higher in neuroticism seem more useful to make everyone seem equal but what she is showing is IQ and intrapersonal intelligence goes into calculating IQ.

Oh yeah!! We got super woman here

why does that sound like something dr. phil says? lol.

Sometimes a woman had to bicker.. cause a man will look right at her and say yes I will!!! Then turn around and purpose to something else!!! That creates yelling and a fight!

I once asked a man who has been married for 40 years what his secret was? His answer: "Yes ma'am."

I wanna be right 😂😂😂

@@estherperel wow I've just heard about you/just started watching some of your videos . So well explained, in simple terms . You engage the listener so well. I look forward to watching more great videos

No, my wife will pick being right every time. And she'll keep pushing it until she gets the last word. Every time.

But you cant let the other person believe theyre right when theyre actually wrong

@@tperk Sounds like she can go be right by herself. Life is too dang short to put up with it. I'm going in this direction myself.

I think you comment is uncovering the completely new level which Esther fails to address. We did what she said. And yet he still works, browses iPhone while we tidy up dishes, and that always, aleays repeats itself. You can rephrase as much as you like, some men won't even pick on the linguistic difference. It will always remain for them just "the NAG".

When I read your comment it was like I wrote it myself. This is my relationship exactly! I’m always nagging Him! He gets angry when I tell him what I do want. “He says I know you keep saying the same thing over & over”. I’m trying very hard. But he’s not hearing me!! Ester, what can I do?

@@tambij Easy, dump him. I did and it's been the best decision ever. There is a difference between the little annoying things and someone flat-out disrespecting you and not giving a shit.

@@tambijbe angry and communicate well. Express ur feeling and say that his treatment makes u sad and depressed and do not get respect u need. Say it. i failed to do so and now i am trying to be better

I’m in the same boat.

Because it's all horseshit and not real advice.

Thank you for this comment, I really needed this to better myself in my relationship.

I agree. I see no hope in even influincing my husband. Try all linguistic and psychotherapy tricks I want.. I am forever a NAG, got there at my own fault and emotionally unstable by definition of being a woman.

Dr Phil is divorced. So much for that advice

@@DT-abcd !no..😁😁😁

But what happens if your partner is an ass?

"Needs and Expectations " sounds like a book Jane Austen would have written if she were still alive. The sequel of Pride and Prejudice 🤣

My husband wants to be right.

Technique known as Reframing, which can then be followed by assertive communication.

Even if I ask politely he thinks am setting him up ugh

@@mily87ful if you do it constantly, he has no reason to believe it anymore....

When you ask politely,they ignore you

@@Royal29B Then kill ur need. Imagine ur all alone even when they're around. Be a friend & don't expect a thing in return. But, & it's a big but... Don't invest much in them unless they invest in u. 😘

Janika same same

Me too !!

Indeed you said right Janika!

Well said!

Matthew Hussey is a fraud. He cannot help you get one. It's bull and games. He has not been in a long relationship to give realistic advice

Have you seen marshal Rosenberg’s workshop on non violence communication? It’s really good!

Most would choose to be right. Just ask any person in a marriage for 30 years.

Sounds like a lose-lose proposition either way.

also, much lonelier. Some humans are social creatures...

Bieng socially single is alot harder when you are naturally- a one woman man, or- one man woman. This "social" crap is why I got married- it gets old! (As does the drama that goes with it!)

That’s true. But people still opened this video, because they wanted to make their relationship work, that means they had a strong desire to have a good relationship, and the pursuit of that desire means this is also something really nice, something that being single can’t have. This is overthinking ... yeah being single is so much easier

Have fun dying 10 years earlier and getting eaten by your cats.

@@lauraeeeee people get sick from toxic relationships, betrayals and divorces. There is this medical condition called "heartbreak syndrome" or "takotsubo cardiomyopathy" where high levels of stress and grief impact the heart in such a way, that without any organic health problems, people suffer some sort of heart attack. Divorced women have 20-30% higher rate of cardiac disease and heart attacks than any other group of women, which is why it's said that the single ladies (that were never married) are usually healthier. Depression and burn-out syndrome are also pretty common among married women, especially those that work in and outside the house. The single ladies post bad break-ups, that witnessed infidelity from partner and post divorce are more prone to health issues. Which Is why I have no rush to get married any time soon lol. I would hate to invest in a man all my life where there are 80% chances of becoming single later in life (post 40-50 where most divorces happen). Married/unmarried is pretty much the same these days. People are just as alone and worse... End up alone later in old age, because we simply lack commitment as a society and always search the next best thing. Might as well avoid It all together.

I am always assuming the same about my wife and the words she uses. There are just too many circumstances over too many years when it seems she is hurtful for me to be convinced otherwise.

Same. I realized from listening to this that both him and I probably think that the other is trying to be hurtful and that’s not true.

She clearly figured out the difference between gently giving advice and sounding like a jerk. Good for you.

Me too 😂

You are better off. Toxicity over years has a profound negative effect on your life.

Maybe you weren’t hearing her and her needs. I’m dealing with a guy like this now - he thinks he’s never wrong but he reacts so intensely that he doesn’t know how to treat a female!

@@Liz-in8lu she's my wife now . We got married 3 years ago . Lol

@@niranjanborah that’s great!! I’m glad it worked out

Or maybe you perpetually ignored her needs and refused to listen so she resorted to bickering in desperation

@@lovelyfleur86 Maybe...

@@lovelyfleur86 Orrrr maybe she was just a cunt? Nagging/bitching/bickering are never a good option, and they'll rarely get you what you want, unless what you want is to hurt the other person's feelings

Perhaps reading the 5 love languages would help. I have never heard of bickering as a love language. Bickering seems to point to the inability to communicate effectively. I would know since that’s an area that I’m working on. I have justified in my mind that I can start a fight because my husband didn’t meet my needs but that’s an immature way of going about it and most certainly did not yield the desired result. This is where I learn that I need to make ‘loving requests’ and not ‘selfish demands’.

@@lovelyfleur86 I noticed in my last relationship, when my attempts at communicating I needed more time and attention failed, I started picking fights to get that attention. Then he said we fought too much but couldn't accept that me pointing out that he only really emotionally engaged in drama and I had tried very hard to find other ways to connect.

Over and over and over...

Idk if your religious but there's a verse in the bible I stumbled upon before I was married that frames bickering for me. It's in proverbs and I'm sorry I don't remember the exact verse or where to find it but it basically says It is better to sleep on the roof than with a quarrelsome wife 🤣🤣

Tarleda Manley basically “never go to bed angry”! Sound advice

Johnathan Grey lol dude do you need a hug or something

@@entertain7us148 Yeah but I took that on a whole other level though like in the dead of winter sleeping in the elements is better than listening to someone nag 🤣🤣 In biblical times the elements were a real threat to your life and to me that verse implies if you have a wife that nags then take your chances with inclement weather it's better than hearing all that nagging🤣🤣

I found the verse btw its proverbs 21:9

Exactly i know what u mean...he want me to agree not just listen to his side...he claims its about listening but that's not the truth!!!