“We must all suffer from one of two pains: the pain of discipline or the pain of regret. The difference is discipline weighs ounces while regret weighs tons.”

Discipline is choosing between what you want now and what you want most. -Abraham Lincoln

"Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom." -most underrated quote

Discipline is understanding that, you and your thoughts are different entities. You are not bound to react on these thoughts.

Summary: self control is enhanced through awareness, letting go and less drama. Be water, my friend.

"The secret to self-control is give up control." Letting go. To stop fighting yourself. To allow yourself to feel whatever you're feeling and take it in as part of the human condition. That really, really spoke to me.

When I quit smoking I said to myself that I will always be a smoker and that will never change. I am only going to try not smoke for a while and when I get a craving it was easy because I made peace that I can smoke if I want to but I chose not to. It has been 7 years and 7 months and I still have cravings but they don't bother me anymore.

I did practice this technique and its amazing how well it works: everytime you feel anxious or sad or depressed or some irrational thoughts enter your head, open your arms and welcome it into your heart. Say it out loud: “dear craving, I can’t control you, come in, you are welcome to stay as long as you want or you can go whenever you want. You will always be a part of me and I’m ok with that.” This might sounds like some esoteric whoowhoo advice, but it’s not. It’s je actually how the the human psyche works: by not resisting these feelings or thoughts and just observing them as if you were looking from a distance, you remove all powere these feelings have over you. It takes some training but it’s worth it.

Basically 3 points: 1) Be aware of the cravings whenever they appear, detect them and think "I'm feeling I'm having a craving for X." 2) Don't fight it. Let the craving rest in your brain and be conscious of it 3) Instead of shaming yourself for giving in to a craving, tell to yourself what you'd say to a friend of yours who's had a slip up.

Fighting these cravings costs more energy than just being aware of them but not acting upon them

“If you accomplish something good with hard work, the labor passes quickly, but the good endures; if you do something shameful in pursuit of pleasure, the pleasure passes quickly, but the shame endures” ― Musonius Rufus

"We are facing a epidemic, it's not ebola" "Corona, it's corona" "Epidemic of unhealthy living" "Ohh yes, that too."

He's talking about mindfulness: paying attention to your thoughts and accepting what comes up, but not necessarily acting on it. This is great :)

Jonathan ...your video changed my life. It's been more than a month since I took my last puff after 25 years of smoking a pack a day.....and this video and the concept of acceptance in it made this happen. The cravings are still there, the demons of the mind do appear....I notice them but do not engage with them and make them bigger. They go away on their own if they are not pampered....and that's magical. It really does work. I can never thank you enough Jonathan.

"Discipline is remembering what you want"

This is a prayer for any of you who are struggling Dear God, I want to bring my friend to you right now. I know that they are not feeling well and worry is taking a lot of their emotional energy. I pray that You will give them special peace in the midst of their crisis; draw close to hem. Give them confidence that healing will come. I pray that that You will give them special insight and wisdom during this upcoming appointment. Show them how to treat and relieve the pain and bring healing.

I feel like this is huge. If you think about it, you often don't have control over your environment or exposures, but you do have control and the ability to choose how you act in those environments or resond to those exposures. So it makes sense to learn how to not act on the craving. Previously I would avoid going into certain stores or driving a particular route to avoid the temptations and cravings for foods or to buy new things. But the reality is I cannot always do this and avoiding the stimulus is not practical. It also teaches a behavior of avoidance of negative feelings. Rather than avoid the stimulus or feeling, learn how to manage it. So yes, recognize you're having the feeling. Recognize it for what it is; I'm having cravings but my emotions don't control me, I do. Do I really want that cookie? Think of the full scope of your actions. I feel like I want that cookie but I really don't because I know that I want to eat healthy. Reaffirm yourself, I am in control not my emotions. I have a strong craving, but this will pass. I am making a positive choice. Once you have overcome that temptation, celebrate by singing "I've got the power!" :) Take pride in your ability to face cravings and decide nope, that's not me talking, it's my cravings. If all else fails, repeat to yourself: what's my next positive step? ... imagine it, and follow through.

Out of all the Ted talks this one made a change for me, it wasn't just educational, it was too relatable.

This is exactly the same technique I used to accept and tame my panic attacks. Really effective.

From what I've been learning recently, this is basically one huge chunk of what people in East and South Asia have been using for generations. Awareness, acceptance, compassion.

Great video. In a day and age where everyone wants instant gratification and nobody wants any discomfort I think we as a society have lost a sense of hte imporantance of self control and patience. This is a great topic.

---watch your craving all the time. ---accept them, accept you feelings. ---let them come, let them go. Make peace with them. ---be kind and caring to yourself.

Hey guys I don't speak much English but I understand most the talk, everyday I listen TEDx talks 40 minutes do you think this Useful to me 🙂💜

I thank you Jonathan Bricker for motivating my daughter when thing went really had for her. It was really so bad that she attempted committing murder until you invited Mrs Lyra Holt Dean for your TED show program. Am really so grateful for her finical assistance in my daughters life thank you so much once again.

I love when they say they "discovered" or they "created" a method. Buddhist monks have been using this technique for thousands of years where you basically become aware that there's a thought going on without attaching yourself to it. Like yogis say all the time: I'm not my body. So basically you're separating yourself from the thought, not taking action, just noticing the thought process.

basis of meditation: observe all thoughts

This talk has definitely changed my life. It helped me losing weight which I was never ever be able to do before. Thanks a lot for this, Jonathan Brickler!

Bro determining to change your life is an amazing feeling. Discipline isn't a sacrifice, it is an enrichment.

Thank you Mr. Bricker for sharing your caring work, very warm delivery.

Last line is the silver lining -"Try to bring spirit of caring and kindnes to yourself whatever be the choices-for that is the mountain that we are all climbing" ... Thank you!

"I'm not talking about Ebola" I thought he would say Covid but then I read the description and this video was uploaded 8 years ago.

*My takeaways:* 1. Life in autopilot 8:40 2. An excises called “ l am having the thoughts” 10:30 3. Drop the rope 13:19

This man is phenomenal! Makes you laugh while you learn something new. He's excellent at explaining things and his charm cheers you up

In 3 days I'll be one year nicotine free (after 7 year addiction) and i can relate and endorse this, though i did not know that such a science existed. Every time I'm with my smoker friends i take a cigarette and put it in my mouth without lighting it, partly inspired by that fault in our stars guy. I am kinda at peace with it now, Its no more threatening to me. One thing I've learned is that our brain is an amazing organ. Your current condition is your brain's comfort zone and any change is resisted by brain, but after the initial impasse, its starts adjusting itself to new realities. Quit today! You'll be fine and thankful to yourself.

I’m not gonna lie, if you watched the whole video without skipping even 10s of it, you mastered self control

I quit smoking in last day of 2019,, Now people call me non smoker, And what I have learned, we can do anything....

This guy gets it. Amazing speaker. He breaks down mindfulness and overcoming the weight of the human struggle. The key points that I'd like to remember are to *honor* the negative as part of the human experience and to offer yourself thoughts of caring and kindness as if you were offering them to a friend with the same struggle. Negative feelings are temporary and okay, when we watch the feelings arise and identify them as feelings or desires rather than impulses that we immediately act out, we create some space and enable ourselves to let the feelings pass. One by one we let negative feelings and impulses pass until we "know" they will pass and we create the clarity and space to make choices based in caring and kindness. Great video. Wonderful speaker.

Wow, a singing scientist! Rare to see that along with a talent for capturing clinical concepts so succinctly. I am going to share with my clients and in my trainings.

Amazing, I’ve been doing that way before I ever listened to this podcast and it’s been helping me to keep my weigh off for three years now - I embrace my cravings, but rarely or never, ever act upon them -

Dealing with adicts with compassion and not indifference is really the message here. Thank you for your insight!

I love this man and his message. You can run your entire life, but it's ultimately futile. Relinquishment and acceptance is the key to true freedom. Embracing the good, the bad, and the ugly. It's the only way. "What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size" Carl Jung

Summary: (mam, dad) Willingness = allow your cravings to come and go. (a friend, a book) (wife, university) (companies, performance) (I, born) Opposite: avoid cravings and distract yourself (singing) (jokes) (opposite doesn't work) (research, technology, apps) Data: willingness has 2x good results as avoidance (make data personal - Jane) Awareness reveals hidden craving Exercise: "I am having the thought" Exercise 2: I'm noticing I'm having the thought These exercises create space in that space you have freedom of choice and in that space you become aware of hidden reasons for the craving And the craving is our way to deal with controlling the hidden reasons (slowing down to increase suspense) Secret to self control = give up control (craving monster analogy) Be kind to yourself.

“let me tell you about my mum” is probably the best opening I’ve ever seen😩❤️

Self Control is the art of Letting Go, Letting Go of the thoughts and feelings you possess…

that's it! knowing that it is just a thought and leave it. this is the starting point of stop blaming yourselves.

If this can help: I stopped smoking 8 months ago because I started singing lessons. I love singing and right after the first lesson I tossed away my pack of cigarettes because I felt like I didn't want to compromise my lungs more.

💟 I prefer these types of motivational speakers. Not the types that shout and scream at you to the point of getting a headache!

The pain is real. But the hurt is not. It is just a subjective experience

This TEDx talk by Dr. Johnathan Bricker does a great job at explaining why "fighting" our unhealthy urges or craving is so challenging. Better yet, he provides hope by teaching us to be kinder to ourselves and more willing to live with our urges. Excellent talk.

this is in line with dialectical behavioral therapy. i learned DBT while i was being treated for PTSD. it helped me drastically improve my life and treat my alcoholism. both this and DBT are westernized versions of the concept of mindfulness in zen buddhism. you can get DBT workbooks on amazon or you might be able to find a class in your city.

This is great to ppl with not only food addictions, cigarette addictions or any type of addictions, this talk was not only entertainment but educational, I need to start paying attention to my cravings, acknowledge them and be caring with myself in order to not giving in, I need to stop feeding them. Thank you 🙏🏼

This man is a phenomenal speaker! Great pacing and usage of pauses and kept the speech entertaining all the way through. Bravo!

A brilliant TED talk on willingness. Applicable to ANY changes you want to make in your life.

This has the potential to be so profound as loving what ever arises is the key to being liberated. Emotional freedom is easy when you honor and respect all of them. Our bad feelings / addictions just want to be acknowledged, respected and thanked.

One of the best Ted talks I've seen. Clear, concise, & delivers an important but largely overlooked message in a fun way. Replace Self Control with Self Love & watch as the magic of living your life to the fullest begins to unfold ❤️

11:55 onwards is when it all begins to make sense! having that time & space in-between your craving and thought process is what allows us to be in control and make a better decision. I love this technique and will be applying it to my life. Thank you!

It was such a privelage to be in the audience when my good friend Jonathan gave his TED talk. What a terrific speaker, and such an important topic, about which his passion comes through loud and clear. I was excited to share this video with the private Facebook page I host for members of my support group for people with Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors. It turns out, urges to pick skin or pull hair compulsively can be handled the same way Jonathan describes handling cravings to smoke or eat unhealthy food. Thank you, Jonathan, for making this concept so easy for people to "digest."

What the presenter advised in detail to the woman in the example. 1)Be aware of your craving. 2)Try to find out where you feel that craving in your body. 3)Try to journal that and the intensity over time. 4)Check whether you act on the craving. I’m noticing that I’m having the thought. I’m stressed out and I am craving for something. Give up control. Don’t fight with the craving monster. Drop the rope. Be willing to have that craving. Try to talk to yourself with care and kindnesses as you would do to your friend. The point of this ted is that we shouldn’t be obsessed with the state of mind where we don’t crave for things. He says, it’s all right to crave for unhealthy things and we don’t have to blame ourselves for wanting bad things. I can definitely see his point because when we blame ourselves for any kind of things that we’ve done, we lose confidence and respect for ourselves. That makes it difficult to control ourselves afterwards.

you are not loud, yet you are heard! thank you for sharing your organized thoughts on this subject! it was a layered presentation and you seemed so relaxed, I have to love this!

also from TEDx entitled how to break the bad habit: 1. notice the urge of the bad habit 2. be curious on what it will cause you 3. feel the joy of letting the bad habit go 4. repeat

Great scientist. Great speech. Mr J Bricker one step beyond!

This talk was just what I needed to start my day! I'm going to try "I'm noticing the thought"

He is using the vipassana meditation technique which is awareness/mindfulness. Allowing yourself to be aware without reacting to it. The more you practice acceptance of what is and learning to not react to it, the more you will learn to have control of your mind and behavior. Vipassana teaches you that everything is impermanent, it will pass.

I really needed this. I'm a person who is easily distracted by other things and I always give in to them, whether it may be social media, doing hobbies more often, resulting to sacrificing my time for work and study which I also really value. It's also really hard for me to detach myself with this kind of urges, and instead I always tend to internalize everything that is happening to me, so I react very quickly and impulsively. Starting from today, I'm gonna start letting go of that urges and try this method of letting that craving sit for a while. Hopefully I can also learn to be more kind to myself as well. Thank you so much!

Finally someone talking the global statistics rather than just about the USA!!!

The world is blessed to have people like you !! Thank you for caring for other humans with no strings attached.

So in the last 6 months I felt proud of myself Twice! First when I quit smoking and now after watching this and realising I have used this very technique just because of my introspection. I came to a conclusion that the more you fight something inside you the more it stays there and even gets stronger. even the harshest emotions must be welcomed never neglected or suppressed. The first time I experienced this secret to be working was when I had been depressed for years over a girl. After years of self-sabotage/blame I was only enlightened the moment I accepted and welcomed all these feelings, memories, emotions to roam free in my mind and body and when I thought that I would at least need another 7-8 years of healing I felt like a newly born human in matter of weeks. Remember this folks! - God, The Universe or your own mind and body will never present you with a challenge/hardship which you cannot handle. Even though it may not seem that way, in the darkest moments Just remember that you can handle it by accepting and processing

His energy is so peaceful and light. 💞

The singing is awesome. That little jingle about treating pesky feelings like a ceiling light, and turn them off. Great advice. The part about acceptance and kindness too. Learned something here.

Living in a body that wants to do everything to be secure and to survive, while we want an amazing, fulfilling life, self-control might be the most important skill ever. Great talk!

Note to self: Self-control is to give up control and let the feeling be where it is

Awareness--- Notice the cravings including hidden ones Willingness---Allow your cravings to come and go Acceptance---Give up control Compassion---Be kind to yourself

This was brilliant Jonathan! I'm sharing this with all my clients with addiction/impulse control problems. Loved the way you illustrated the struggle with cravings. P.S. You're a very good singer too!

To recognize our cravings so we could create a space between ourselves and the cravings-- this way we do not have to act on our cravings automatically. Sounds great! I'll try it out.

This is the problem I couldn’t control myself, I had managed to loose a lot of weight but then started eating unhealthy again and this time I couldn’t stop it. I tried doing what I did last time and I craved so bad and I got so stressed over it. This really helped, THANK YOU

Thank you so much. Your words gave a new ray of hope. I will definitely try to embrace my flaws and bring positive change for good.

I didn;t have enough self control to finish this video.

have a note in ur pocket quoting" i am smoking right now" and whenever the thought comes or u smoke, take that note and read it u will see u cant smoke after reading it

Thank You Jonathan. I watched this video in 2014 and I have been using and teaching what I call the create space technique I learned from you in this video ever since. I couldn't for the life of me remember where i learned it from and finally some closure. Thanks again for such a powerful speech.

When you are swayed to do something, think of the possible consequences it might cause you. It is about you so before you made the decision always try to bring a spirit of caring and kindness to yourself. Thank you so much for this talk I’ve learn a lot.

Contrast this approach with two other personal change methods commonly used: CBT and Transtheoretical Model of Change...this method somehow seems to have found an otherwise missing part. Missing, as in obvious, yet overlooked a) the power of choice and b) creating space through acknowledgement of our natural urges and drives, to choose how we respond to our urges. Giving us back control through choice. An important tool for reforming behaviour including such destructive behaviours as criminal anti-social and similar inappropriate and damaging behaviours. Can this be taught in schools please? And a very warm and caring presentation by Johnathan. Thanks mate for sharing your work with us.

I'm really grateful for this Ted talk and refer to it frequently to get me back on track. I mindlessly overeat on sugar..the cookie scenario is brilliant and says it all, and more importantly teaches me how to let go .. gives me the space to make the right decision. From start to finish, this really is an excellent, spot on talk. Thank you Mr. Bricker.

This was so great. I used the letting go technique years ago on another issue I was dealing with. Watching this video today made me realize how similar this was and that I could use this on my battle with food. By accepting and being willing to accept that I may always crave that Pepsi or that candy I can maybe be able to overcome it by simply letting the battle just go.

Vim aqui pela Fundação Bradesco - Curso: Desenvolvimento Pessoal e Profissional ( Controle do impulso e Maneja da Raiva, Vergonha e Inveja) . Desenvolvendo esse tema para minha vida pessoal, passo por um problema de comer muito e fumar. estou à 07 meses sem fumar e agora meu problema e com as balança vou levar esse vídeo para minha vida. Gratidão.

Listening to this talk has given me a strength and a way to face my problem. Thank you Mr. Bricker for responding to my problem with such a valuable advice..

Hearing what he had to say, one thing came to my mind crystal clear... this is essentially exactly what we are taught regarding meditation, and 'thoughts' we may have...thoughts we may be dwelling on...and which we are trying to ignore and 'push away' so as to not 'intrude' on our quiet and meditation. In meditation, they tell us that instead of trying to push away any thoughts that may be running through our minds, we should instead simply 'acknowledge' the thought ...... 'gee, I'm thinking about work right now.... I'm thinking about my neighbor' etc.

I like this presenter's style and his information. I've tried almost everything to sidestep compulsive behaviors. This presentation finally revealed the missing piece of puzzle. Thank you!

We are the masters, we have the power to make a choice. Thank you Jonathan, you made it clear that it’s important to wait , pause , see , and make a choice , take a wise decision 💁🏻‍♂️

this video really helped me quitting smoking thank you keep up the good work ! thank you it took me 3 months to quit.

I think the secret to self control is finding out what you're comfortable and happy with, I don't think we lack control of ourselves, we just don't know exactly what we want, it's not as simple as go and become a doctor, chef, salesman... etc, there's tonnes of things we want and don't want about anything, so we have to sort through the largest to smallest, the better off we are in that scope, the more self 'control' we have.

These are the two things I’m desperately trying to change in my life and I really appreciate finding this video

"The Secret of Self Control is to give up control" We have 2 brains, Thinking brain and Feeling brain. We choose to fight that cravings because we thought that the Thinking brain have the steer wheel, but it wasn't the thinking brain that has control over our consciousness, it's The Feeling Brain. so Self Control is illusion, we always make things hard by fighting our Feeling brain for cravings, so the solution that offered by this gentleman is, why dont we try to give feeling brain some space for his idea??? try to be conscious of his demand, respect it, love him like he's part of you whole body, and he will start to become agreeable to your choice of life :)

This is one of the best behavioural change video that I've watched. Because Its been a few days that i have applied these techniques to my daily life which the speaker has said. And it is really helping me a lot. "I have this thought" what a powerful way to end that war between you and your thoughts. Just an amazing video wish i knew this earlier, but anyhow nothing is too late in life when we apply it & do it for our self growth. People who have watched this and the one's who will be watching anytime later. Wishing you success to get relived from your craving and habits you wanted and want to quit.

I think this was one of the best ted talks I've seen.

Such a profound message delivered in such a simple, natural and engaging way!! I have struggled with this craving monster followed by the criticism monster all my life but I know better now! Will try this next time I am tempted to open a packet of chips to de-stress myself. Thank you for sharing this!

I watched this after binge watching netflix. This is a serious issue. We should have had a class on self-gratification in grade school through college. I'm very grateful for the impact these speakers are having in our lives & the awareness that is being spread of delaying gratification. :)

Great talk.

if you really have this craving go for it... but take it slowly and really taste it, eating chocolate, smoking cigar, a glass of whiskey,etc, really feel the satisfaction it gives you.. gradually you'd be thinking 'why I'm having this crap'.. slowly without even knowing it you're free from that demon..

Gosh I love the energy from this man!

For me the most valuable part starts at 10:41. It enables you to get perspective on what you are "experiencing" and that's the first step!