The Single Most Important Parenting Strategy | Becky Kennedy | TED
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7 місяців томуEveryone loses their temper from time to time - but the stakes are dizzyingly high when the focus of your fury is your own child. Clinical psychologist and renowned parenting whisperer Becky Kennedy is here to help. Not only does she have practical advice to help parents manage the guilt and shame of their not-so-great moments but she also models the types of conversations you can have to be a better parent. (Hint: this works in all other relationships too.) Bottom line? It's never too late to reconnect.
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• The Single Most Import...
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@ninaphilippe Місяць тому
This Ted talk should be watched at least once a month by every single parent on this planet.. Thanks…
@user-hs3tl3hz2q Місяць тому
I like your idea. I'd just add everyone! Everyone could benefit from this information!
@RoseSklar 7 місяців тому
Spot on. I am going to make that hard call to my adult child and give her the apology she deserves. The one I never received, the one I will now model for our future.
@Kath0080 7 місяців тому
This is the best thing I've seen in a long time 😭 you're making generational changes that will impact the world. 💖 thank you 🙌✨
@hunpiya 7 місяців тому
This comment made me tear up. Can I say I am proud of you?! Because I am♥️
@TuneyGrooves 7 місяців тому
You brought tears to my eyes. The good kind ❤
@christinamarin4875 6 місяців тому
Wow, that's awesome that you are wanting to make a repair. I wish my mom would see this . 😕
@kchachalove 6 місяців тому
Beautiful. How’d the call go?
@JeffCichocki Місяць тому
My dad wasn’t around a lot when I was a kid. When I saw him, he was always angry. However, my dad did one thing right… He always told me that he wasn’t mad at me, he was mad at what I did. That one statement had a huge impact in how I raised my kids… This talk confirmed something I knew, but could never have explained. Thank you.
@EmeraldSky33 7 місяців тому
Repair really works, even years later. A few months ago, my mom and I "replayed" a scene from my childhood - from 24 years ago, when I was 8 - wherein I felt I had to minimize my needs in order to not be an inconvenience, in order to be "good." At age 32, replaying this memory, I asked my mom for reassurance that asking for my needs to be met wasn't bad, and she said something incredible: "You don't *have* to be *good.*" I cried for so long and felt a huge weight lift. And now that scene from my childhood, that memory, I don't even think about it anymore. I used to think about it all the time when I was upset. It truly is never too late.
@leighs3439 6 місяців тому
Beautiful ❤
@gschoonheim Місяць тому
Wow good for you
@joannwilliams7415 Місяць тому
This was beautiful and I am so happy you got that validation. Much love!
@siversteinshamn6777 Місяць тому
That's amazing, thank you for sharing 🙏
@athenaryals3273 7 місяців тому
I shouldn't have watched this at work because now I'm crying at my desk. My childhood was very, very bad and you're right, that phone call from my parents would change everything.
@msabawihtlung Місяць тому
Self repair - separating your identity - who you are, from your behaviour - what you did. then... repairing child's self blame to self trust.. wow, this is sooo deep, I need it.. thanks
@madebyruud 7 місяців тому
The phone call exercise was powerful, got tears in my eyes listening to it. Great talk Becky, I will be a better father because of this.
@GertieYTube 7 місяців тому
Yes, the same
@Lennybird91 5 місяців тому
That truly was one of the most powerful conclusions to a Ted talk I've ever heard.
@skrzydlamotyla 3 місяці тому
I cried...
@kaitlynwiggins2328 3 місяці тому
As a 39 year old woman. This “phone call” had me in tears.
@joshuahoyer1279 2 місяці тому
So much this
@setionos 7 місяців тому
- Repair involves acknowledging moments of disconnection, taking responsibility for one's behavior, and addressing the impact on the other person. - Repair is not just about apologizing but about reconnection and addressing the emotional impact. - Repairing with children can have a lifelong impact, teaching them valuable emotional regulation and communication skills. It is never too late to repair and improve relationships with children.
@patpatmoomoo5524 6 місяців тому
lol thank you, this comment is all I came for.
@perminderkaur8160 4 місяці тому
Thanks for this … it’s beautiful written and add this to my journal journey ⭐️
@AdrianNiewzorow 6 місяців тому
I'm a father for the first time. My son in almost three. I do yell at him more than few times during last year and a half. During that time I've taken a DBT skills training, have listen couple of dozens webinars about self-regulation, NVC, etc. But these two sentences about agreeing that I just said something which I'm not proid of and it's not defining me as a parent seem to be a game changer. Althoug my son is just and almost three yeara old, I'll repair the situation tomorrow morning. The sooner, the quicker I learn how to do that and the better our relationship. Thank you ❤
@laurencollier147 Місяць тому
You’re a good dad ❤
@MrgoldenRose Місяць тому
Well said man.❤
@jamama3 Місяць тому
Make it your goal to help your children to love God. Then they will act wisely even when they are not with you. Just as God teaches by example, teach your children to love God by your example. Ephesians 6:4
@cjexplores 7 місяців тому
Came here for a TED talk and left wiping tears from my eyes 😭
@salma_Nella22 7 місяців тому
My mother died never apologizing to me for what she put me through. I’m messed up today and can’t make decisions for myself. I get confused easily and I think horribly about myself when someone compliments me. I don’t like taking pictures with people. I have two children and I apologize to my 5 year old and accept accountability for what I’ve done. But finding a balance is hard when you think everything is your fault. This video honestly helped me more than most therapists have. Thank you
@contemplore 7 місяців тому
I want to appreciate u. Plz take it as just that. Bless u to get well. And be well with ur children.
@salma_Nella22 7 місяців тому
@@contemplore hey thank you for your kindness. I wish you the best with yours as well ❤️
@contemplore 7 місяців тому
@@salma_Nella22 ✨
@abigaileggleston9108 2 місяці тому
Sending love to your child heart ❤️
@salma_Nella22 2 місяці тому
@@abigaileggleston9108 thank you 🙏
@abccontent3508 7 місяців тому
Repair, self-regulate, and revisit those moments. And, remember, it is NEVER TOO LATE. Becky, this is brilliant. Thank you!
@sak2104 5 місяців тому
Kids are the ones who are brilliant. They give us second and third and million more second chances.
@roblemaer4834 4 місяці тому
@@sak2104Wisdom. Thanks.
@samanthasmith8376 7 місяців тому
It is extremely hard to learn self-regulation as an adult. But it's so worth it when you can teach the next generation so they have a chance to reach the stars without holding themselves back in negative though loops. This is fantastic and gives me so much hope for the future ✨
@TimNicklas 7 місяців тому
And, you improve your ability to self-regulate in the process.
@user-sg8kq7ii3y 7 місяців тому
It doesn't really matter what you teach them, honestly. Parents have less influence over their kids's outcome than they realize. Many kids today spend HUGE amounts of time on social media. Maybe you can control your kid's screen time until he's in high school, but, after that, your kid will be influenced more by social media influencers than their parents. The social media algorithms ARE DESIGNED to addict your kids to it's content. That's a fact.
@DemetrioFilocamo 4 місяці тому
You are putting on the same level an adult and a child
@bobbyboiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii1222 Місяць тому
Maybe for some, but not all.
@maegonzales9096 Місяць тому
I stumbled on your video while searching for some parenting advice because of me yelling most of the time when I get frustrated. This really hits me hard. I am so struggling with calming myself down when in a heated situation.😢 I felt sorry for my child. But you know what I do? I don't let her go to sleep without me apologizing for my behaviour because I don't want to see myself to her one day. I don't want her to be like me. I want to let her know that it's not her fault, it was mine.😢 I don't want her to grow old and picture me as a terrible mom. I want to be her safest place someday.
@theresa_lp 7 місяців тому
Anyone else crying because they know their mother or father would never take the time or effort to do a repair like this? 💔
@casperengelmann4575 7 місяців тому
Throughout this talk I did feel myself tearing up, not from a parents perspective, but a childs. My relationship with my parents wasn't always great, and still isn't all the time. Repair is the perfect expression for what I've subconsciously been trying to do, not just with myself lately, but the people around me. Always trying to minimize harm, but never really being satisfied with the changes I see, and sometimes unsuccessfully bridging the gap with the people I love. Seeing repair in a new light, that disconnect is a fork in the road, and the action you take determines whether you strenghten or weaken your bonds, is mind-opening on a sincere level for me. I've always struggled managing my own feelings, not quite understanding other's. I'm honestly a little overwhelmed right now, but it feels nice to put into words what a life lesson this seemingly simple talk has been. I hope you know how impactful sharing your story with the world truly can be. Thank you, Becky.
@rodolforodriguez2592 Місяць тому
"Adult children of emotionally immature parents" I recommend you read it. Cheers!
@monicawmonica 6 місяців тому
That is exactly what my husband has told me to do when I snap. He's not a psychologist, but I've come to realize he's right.
@anasikarakelian9248 7 місяців тому
I'm a first time mom. Now that my child is growing it is extremely important for me to learn how to parent without causing damage to our relationship and his personality
@ericpeysar2593 2 місяці тому
I balled through this talk. My oldest daughter is now 12. Since my divorce, i dont get to see her much. For 6 years she, her mom and her little sister, endured my emotional disregulation following a brain injury. Having worked hard to regain control (4 counsellors, meds, daily exercise, clean lifestyle, and a team of about 45 different medical professionals), i now have a good coparenting relationship with her mom and the most amazingly positive relationship with her little sister. I think our youngest was too young to remember the worst, but my oldest and I continue to struggle. Thank you for this Ted Talk. I think you were able to articulate, what I have struggled so hard to sort out. With your insights, I now know how to approach a letter I have been trying to write for two years to my daughter. Thank you so much.
@natiaburjanadze2854 2 місяці тому
You sound like a wonderful dad! I am sorry you had to go through all that, I am sure you daughter will understand you. Sending you lots of positive thoughts!
@ASMRarted 3 місяці тому
My parents were good at this and so many more healthy parenting practices. They showed us what unconditional love is. Thanks ❤️
@TheJChau 7 місяців тому
This might be one of the most impactful TED Talks I have ever seen. I know just by seeing this and being open to improving my parenting, I will be better. Thank you.
@lizsiemens1501 7 місяців тому
Yes, this really spoke to me! I want to improve my parenting and I’m so thankful that I saw this.
@boreduser12 7 місяців тому
What's she saying in one sentence?
@sendingloveandhugs 6 місяців тому
Agree ❤❤
@SadieJaneLutz 6 місяців тому
🤘 Right on! So glad there are parents out there wanting to make their children's lives better.
@rachelhayhurst-mason7846 8 днів тому
When I was 15 I was told it was too late for me to change my childhood experience and too late for my parents to enjoy parenting me. When I was 24 I was told it was too late to get out of my relationship with an abusive man because I married him. When I was 35 I was told it was too late for me to ever get married again or have a happy relationship. Hearing Dr Becky say "It's never too late to repair" has given me a glimmer of hope. I may never be able to get those years back, but it's never too late to change the future. And it's not too late to help change the trajectory of my sons' lives and teach them they can have different experiences than I had. Thank you, Dr Becky 💐
@Nickgohcy 7 місяців тому
This has got to be the BEST parenting advice that I have heard ever since becoming a parent myself.
@BbyDAp 7 місяців тому
i grew up with an unmedicated single schizophrenic mother (refused to take treatment as she didn’t believe the diagnosis). I remember vividly thinking that if I was good, she wouldn’t have extra stress and go into psychosis. Even if the yelling wasn’t at me, the impact was tremendous on my emotional state. She would often go into a state of clarity where should would cry and apologize for the trauma she caused… followed by a rant about all the government agents and demons that were trying to kill us. I understand it’s not necessarily her fault and have consequently had to learn these self regulation techniques to the extreme. I’m 23 now and I can’t wait to employ better parenting practices on my future children❤ Great and informative talk!
@juliadavies8352 7 місяців тому
I am so sorry for your childhood.. you are an amazing human being, and you will be a great parent
@EmeraldSky33 7 місяців тому
I'm so sorry you had to grow up around psychosis. My dad didn't experience psychosis, but his moods would swing wildly from happy to yelling within 90 seconds over practically nothing. He was so unpredictable that I tried to be as "good" as possible to avoid setting him off. It was just screaming, never hitting, but in some ways it was much more damaging because I couldn't even point to what he had done that had traumatized me so badly. I hope you know that you don't have to be good to be lovable and loved. You're wonderful even when you mess up.
@nunyabidness9578 2 місяці тому
Dads staying in the home is the real best parenting tip.
@grrrl420 Місяць тому
A dad can be present physically, but not mentally or emotionally. "Staying in the home" shouldn't be the bar we set for men as we should expect more from fathers than just only showing up. Also if they lack the capacity for doing good parenting their presence may do more harm than good.
@shonetran8882 Місяць тому
@grrrl420 agree, and I think the nuance is in the definition of “showing up”. Truly showing up is being mentally and emotionally present. You can show up for someone even without being physically there. And yet in other scenarios, just physically being there and being attentive without saying a single word can still be powerful I think showing up is using any physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual capacity to let the other person know that you truly care and that they truly matter to you
@jeshicac.7760 4 місяці тому
I’m grateful that it isn’t too late for me to repair a rupture that was never my childrens’ fault. This was both healing and humbling. You’ve inspired me so much. I take responsibility & want to be an example of Repair to my young-adult kids, one of which just had her first baby. What a gift this was for me!
@thuphuongnguyen9016 6 місяців тому
Thank you so much for this talk. I cried while I was watching your video. I am now 30 years old, became a mother myself but I feel like I never stopped being a child and desperately need my parents’ repair! My parents blamed me for their failed marriage, their unhappy relationships outside of the house because THEY HAD NOONE TO BLAME, so they chose their own child to blame. Until now I still struggle to stop self-blaming for what I did or what others did. But I wanted to improve that and want to give myself to chance to heal from the childhood’s trauma, so I found a technique : I promised myself that I would do whatever it takes to protect my son from what I had experienced because I know how much it destroyed a person’s future. And every time I accidentally yell or act crazily to my son, I apologized to him, I told myself “ That is what my parent should tell me” and then I heal a little by little. I hope that one day I could find peace, and hope that I don’t have to spend the rest of my life to do so.
@SadieJaneLutz 6 місяців тому
Good on you 👏 self reflection is damn hard. It sounds like your on a good path to heal & help your own 🤘
@Archongamer 7 місяців тому
As someone over 50 that imaginary letter exercise brought tears to my eyes.
@kylegriffin8783 7 місяців тому
This is what i needed as a kid and its what i still need from my parents in my adult life... i will do my best to fix this with my children
@anjalipendem6494 3 місяці тому
u are not alone
@Mindcoach1on1 2 місяці тому
As a life coach I would love to help you through this process. -)
@ndbaker74 7 місяців тому
An actual apology is not just an "I'm sorry, let's move on." I believe an actual apology has three steps. One: I'm sorry for action X. Two: an acknowdgement of how it made the other person feel. Three: a plan on how to not do that action again.
@esun237 7 місяців тому
I cried with the imagination exercise at the end. So much pain in my own childhood. I vow to try my best in parenting, not aiming for perfection but continuing learning and improving.
@user-df3gf6wh1x 5 місяців тому
I just cry while listening to her. It is a very relatable thing and everyone needs to remember that repair is possible and it is never too late.
@_havefun9725 7 місяців тому
Becky you really saved my day. I was agonizing over my own parenting problems. Now I should keep trying to repair it. I got such a great insight from you. Thank you so much!!
@jennifergill3256 6 місяців тому
This is the most beneficial, and self-improving TED talk I've heard in my life considering I grew up in a household where there was not much conversation about important issues. Thank you for shedding some light on the basic ways to communicate effectively with others in my family, and also with my partner. Thank you for being on this earth!!
@miriamhughes2958 7 місяців тому
Love love love!!! Thank you for normailizing parents being imperfect who are striving to repair and grow all the time! So appreciate the spot on advice to repairing!
@Fairy_Tales__Victorias_world 6 місяців тому
This TED talk about the importance of repair in parenting truly resonated with me. As a parent, it's easy to feel the weight of perfection, but her message reminds us that we all make mistakes. What matters most is our ability to repair those moments of disconnection. Her example of a tense interaction with her son beautifully illustrates how meaningful repair can be in preventing lasting distress and self-blame. I appreciate the idea of seeing repair as an opportunity for growth and connection, as it fosters trust, safety, and stronger bonds with our children. This talk serves as a valuable reminder that, as parents, we have the power to mend and strengthen our relationships. Thank you for sharing!
@DandiLyon1296 3 місяці тому
I am working to heal all of this. Thank you, Becky! Sometimes it’s not just yelling, but also dismissing feelings, ideas, or not listening (it’s always important to listen when kids or others want to talk), or being present, and so much more. Learning to be in the moment and be responsive and supportive and also to repair. Being able to make it about the other person and helping them heal and not about me or my “failure” (it happened and I can fix it).
@cDogRage 7 місяців тому
Imagine berating yourself for having a completely rational reaction to someone being so spoilt that they call the food you are cooking for them and giving to them for free "disgusting". That's some first-world bullshzzzz right there. I'm assuming the food isn't off and you prepared it in an edible way - like you didn't marinate it in Windex. I brought that child into this world so it's definitely not their fault they are in this situation right now and I don't think yelling or blaming them would help anything. I wouldn't make them the bad guy because they're not, but I'd feel like a pretty bad guy to have raised such a child. They desperately need some f*ing perspective and I'd be more concerned that I failed as a parent to provide it. The advice is good, but that example shook me.
@marybe4772 7 місяців тому
I just LOVE Dr. Becky and am thrilled this concept of repair is going to get the visibility this world needs.
@SzymonKownacki1 6 місяців тому
Great talk that brought back a lot of memories from the past. This should be watched by all the parents every now and then.
@nadaalhamar 7 місяців тому
Every time I rewatch this talk, it gets better! Thanks Dr. Becky!
@danielallyway 7 місяців тому
Best parent strategy is to have both parents.
@unixtreme 7 місяців тому
I’m no expert and far from perfect as a parent, but if I snap and yell at my kid I give it s few minutes to calm down and apologize, explain that it’s wrong, and try to do better.
@SeanLumly 7 місяців тому
Well done. Seriously. I've found it an exceedingly rare trait to take accountability and commit to improvement. And I'm talking about a serious commitment, not an empty gesture. Most people I've met (and I mean nearly all) blame others and justify their actions, and only consider personal betterment when it's attached to self-service.
@Geekabibble 7 місяців тому
That's exactly what I just said to the screen. If you snapped at them and know you are wrong, you give both of you a few minutes to calm down and then go in and apologize. I'd also explain how it feels to be a parent who has to figure out dinners and when people in the house are rude about it that it hurts/feels bad. The child needs to learn to say things in a better way also.
@raphaelnej8387 7 місяців тому
Most human beings hate acknowledging their mistakes
@tomreingold4024 7 місяців тому
The speaker makes a distinction between apology and repair. Do you?
@lesagent 7 місяців тому
Thank you for putting this rule into words. I too lost my cool momentarily but also tried to apologised later on
@emilyshotwellboivin26 7 місяців тому
Yes!!!! Dr. Becky and TED in one place? Literally was listening to her Good Inside audible a few hours ago. So thankful for you and what you share.
@lesliewaggoner6797 7 місяців тому
This is so beautiful, Dr. Becky! So expertly communicated with love and compassion and understanding. You're a blessing to all of us parents!!!! 👏🏻
@cyjh_3534 7 місяців тому
This TED means a lot to me because I 'm struggling for just the same situation, the kitchen. I will definitely repair the connection today. Thank you so much.
@nicholasteong2485 6 місяців тому
3 elements: name what happened, take responsibility, state what you would do differently the next time.I keep thinking about what happened the other night in the kichen. I' m sorry I yelled I'm sure that felt scary. it' wasn't your fault. I'm working on staying calm, even when I'm frustrated
@josephcruz669 Місяць тому
But what if the reaction to that is “but why were you frustrated?”. How do you answer that without seeming like you are putting blame on the other person, or “re-writing” that to make yourself the bad guy?
@taimishejavali580 Місяць тому
Don’t forget to speak to the child about their offensive behaviour and why it is not acceptable and how he can express himself appropriately in the future.
@marybe4772 7 місяців тому
How to repair: 7:33 Step 1: Repair with yourself 8:41 Step 2: Repair with your child -- 1) Name what happened; 2) take responsibility; 3) state what you would do differently the next time.
@taimishejavali580 Місяць тому
And don’t forget speak to your child about their inappropriate behaviour and what and how that should change in future.
@lindseyschuster8895 6 місяців тому
I saw such an improvement with just empathizing with my kids that I missed the last important step (until this week): "what can we do better next time?" And just in this week I've seen my children picking better choices to problems we have endured for years. 😊❤
@user-vo4rj6em3h 7 місяців тому
Steps for Repairing Relationships:- Step one is recognizing the rupture or disconnection. Step two involves taking responsibility for one's behavior and acknowledging its impact on others. The speaker emphasizes the importance of differentiating repair from a simple apology.
@lilyling5314 7 місяців тому
It made me cry. Thank you Dr. Becky ❤
@bobbao2027 7 місяців тому
What a profound TED Talk! I almost teared up. It's been a long time since I've seen a talk like this. Thanks!
@sofia344 7 місяців тому
So happy you did a TED Talk, you are the best Becky! You helped me change my relationship with my child and myself ❤
@emilyshotwellboivin26 7 місяців тому
❤❤❤
@ea7115 7 місяців тому
Heartbreaking, true, and healing , touched me deeply, to tears Thank you so much ! 🙏🏻
@austenpowers 7 місяців тому
This is so true & useful to hear, understand, absorb and practise. Thank you, from a separated dad to an amazing 14 year old young man ❤
@robbielanoue2690 4 місяці тому
This message could change the world, one child-parent relationship at a time. Thank you so much for articulating tools that those of us who aren't experts but want to get this right can understand and implement.
@PatriciaHadley-ip8mb 7 місяців тому
Bah! I so love you Becky. Thank you for being SO KIND, and helping with practical help…
@gaynewlin 7 місяців тому
Thank you so much. This is exactly what I needed to know in such an opportune time. Grateful for this Ted talk.❤🙏
@petersenjessem 7 місяців тому
This is a very relevant, substantive and advanced approach to repairing and maintaining healthy relationships, for parents and children and all relationships. Thank you ❤ It’s an invaluable lesson amongst all of the media noise.
@lienphan6446 7 місяців тому
So much appreciate the sharing, Becky. It makes so much sense and it teaches me courage to help myself and learning to raise my child. Much respect your work.
@ziyou3494 6 місяців тому
I think in the scenario Becky described at the beginning, I actually think it could serve as a valuable lesson to kids, that parents are not perfect, other people have stressed that you don't see, that there's a better way to communicate your opinion of the food prepared for you by other people...
@parentingadvice. 2 місяці тому
Came here for a TED talk and left wiping tears from my eyes
@Whosonthird 5 місяців тому
I wish you knew how impactful your talk has become 🙏 you’ve changed lives
@reginauzzardi8912 7 місяців тому
This is outstanding! So glad you shared this TED and more glad I listened to it. Thank You
@LuisCruz-wu5gv 6 місяців тому
OMG! I’m on the public bus with tears in my eyes. This hit me so hard. Thank you for this 🙏🏽
@LydellAaron 6 місяців тому
My mom shouted all the time. With my toddler, I jump straight to 11:02 without shouting, plus it gives her words to communicate. I pray I remain in that communicative state for her.
@matteosherpafiorini8291 7 місяців тому
A brilliant speech. Every parent ought to watch it, at least once in life.
@alvinakhair7009 3 місяці тому
I was a perfect mom until I actually had children 🤭
@user-hs3tl3hz2q Місяць тому
I too, was a better parent to someone else's kids! 😂😂 After having mine, who is 2. I can't consume enough patenting educational videos! Thankfully, with the information available, we can improve on what we thought we knew! It's a beautiful thing when the ego takes a back seat. Anything is possible! ❤
@kellykopis6059 27 днів тому
Haha, same.
@ydubbula 5 місяців тому
Incredible talk! This is something all parents need to hear. There is so much pain among so many adults who were once children and treated poorly by their parents. Repair goes a long ways! I was constantly given the silent treatment and faced emotional neglect as a child. As a result, I grew up with terribly low self-esteem and now I am left dealing with cPTSD. Through countless therapy sessions, I am finally rounding the corner. I now have a child of my own and I am able to be a much better parent to her and hope to model the recommendations you have given in this talk. I sent this video to my parents as well. Thank you for this work you are doing!
@geneherald8169 5 місяців тому
I'm glad you got value out of the talk, but I think she's overcomplicating things. In the example, there's just a lack of understanding. The child doesn't understand the parent's stress, and the parent doesn't understand the child's desire to eat different food. They just need to talk it out and understand each other. That's it. The problem with her steps is that they can easily result in lying. Say that you take responsibility even when you don't mean it or say that you'll do something differently the next time it happens only to do the same thing all over again. Kids can tell when you're lying, and there's no better way than lying to erode the relationship you have with your child.
@swanlady0922 7 місяців тому
I am currently in therapy with my grown daughter I feel so hopeful and know that God answered my prayer for guidance and healing of our relationship. How I wish that I had these tools as a young mother. Taking full responsibility for my choices and behaviors that were traumatizing to my daughter, which were never intentional but never the less were very much traumatizing how the being able to use these tools our relationship would never have gotten to the point it is now. I feel very grateful for the opportunity to make repair. effectively repair.
@tingkuowang6193 5 місяців тому
I am so glad that I watch this video when my kids are 2 and 3 years old. It’s not only lead my child growing but also I am leaded.
@AnRodz 7 місяців тому
Dr. Becky is amazing. I love her teachings.
@gnguyen 7 місяців тому
Thank you for your wonderful lession. I always know from my heart that my kids are lovely children and I still snap sometime and yell at them. I will remember your lession and try to improve my self and the connection with my kids.
@Vivreavecpassion 7 місяців тому
Thank you very much for that beautiful message on parenting ! God bless you Becky ! You and your family ! 😃
@samairaahmed3458 7 місяців тому
Thank you I'm crying that end was just hit the nail on the head 😢
@InspiringKeynoteSpeakers 7 місяців тому
. It's so true that we all make mistakes, especially as parents, but the key is learning how to repair those moments of disconnection. It's never too late to apologize and make amends with our children, and I love the idea of teaching them valuable skills like regulating their emotions and communicating effectively.
@user-sg8kq7ii3y 7 місяців тому
Well, we first need to teach them not to complain when their mother is cooking a beautiful dinner for them. If I were cooking dinner for my family, and one of my kids complained that the chicken I was cooking was "disgusting", then he would not be eating any dinner that night. And I would not yell at him or get into a shouting match with him. All I would say to him is, "No dinner for you tonight until you can truly appreciate the privilege of having food to eat." And that would be that.
@matebogomangaba8408 6 місяців тому
we do it for our kids, we reparent ourselves while we parent our kids.
@thelennon07 6 місяців тому
This is gold. All parents should listen to this!
@kas683 7 місяців тому
So amazing. Thank you Dr. Becky!
@marials9245 7 місяців тому
Very useful advice, I will for sure implement it in my relationship with my kids!
@delphinewood7519 7 місяців тому
What a beautiful talk. Thank you.
@fraziermommy Місяць тому
This is so important that we learn as parents! We can't be perfect...but we can be humble enough to apologize and repair when we do make mistakes. If there's one thing I want my children to learn, it's that we all make mistakes, even mom. But we don't have to stay in those mistakes and let them define us and our relationships. "I'm sorry, I was wrong, please forgive me" goes such a long way to connecting our hearts and repair the damage done.
@rickysukhi 7 місяців тому
One think that's very hard and solves most of inter-personal relations is quality of being calm and forgiving.
@orffrocks5667 5 місяців тому
I did that when my son’s were grown. What a difference it has made in our relationships. My (psychologist) mother never did that with me (us). Great TT.
@James-wu2hf 7 місяців тому
Parenting is a tough job, but I think makes most of us better people. We are forced to step up to the plate and become more than we were. Thanks for the brilliant talk and inspiring advice. A great transcendent message, and captivating speech -- props to TED for hosting such a talented speaker and thoughtful mother!
@aBigBadWolf 7 місяців тому
Yes, be nice. Foster the relationships you have and repair them when something goes wrong. But maybe, just maybe, we should not forget to also teach our children to be more resilient in the face of "aggression" .
@abhayanand9585 7 місяців тому
One of the all time best talks that I have ever watched!
@benjoslin3782 6 місяців тому
This came at the perfect time and has given me powerful insight to my own circumstances. Thank you for sharing.
@WeRunGoogleAds 2 місяці тому
Thank you TED, I just discovered Dr Becky Kennedy today. My kids will def have a more meaningful life
@suusjuhhh2 7 місяців тому
Thank you so much for your talk, it helps me in so many ways
@sarahleidhold740 7 місяців тому
This is incredible. Dr. Becky is brilliant!
@d4na-4 2 місяці тому
I'm not a parent, I'm actually almost 20, I was just doing some research but I reacted with the same thing: why am I crying? The thing is my mom apologized for my childhood recently, I didn't really see it coming, I think I really resorted to guilt, I still do. I don't know what to do cause I feel like I can't fully open up to her, not because I resent her but the situation is that I'm kinda gay and I'm pretty sure she won't accept it. And I feel very bad and guilty because I wish I wasn't like this, or not such a coward, so I could at least get some clousure, but being so close to repairing our relationship the thought I could ruin it all, gets me paralyzed.
@allisonwu8067 7 місяців тому
What a touching but also useful talk. Thank you for sharing.
@KemiiLou 7 місяців тому
I think you can acknowledge your mistakes and take responsibility for how you responded, whilst also teaching your child the importance of being respectful, particularly when they aren't getting what they want. So you could say something like: I apologise for how I responded to you in the kitchen last night. I shouldn't have yelled at you and in the future I will try my best to remain calm even when I'm annoyed. It's also important for you to be aware that your words and actions can impact people. So when you say yuck at the food I have spent time preparing for you, it didn't make me feel great. I know you weren't happy with what was on offer, but there are better ways of expressing this. For example you could say something like: Please can we not have chicken again after today for a while? I'd really like to have something else, but thanks for cooking for me. To me this this is an effective way of repairing whilst also letting the child know what they did wasn't ok either.
@syl2372 5 місяців тому
Wow - the 2 stories are very powerful. I could immediately relate to ‚the chicken‘ story as I am a working mum with 2 teenagers. For me connecting with nature e.g. going for a walk helps before a ‚repair‘ or any other listening conversation with them.
@amandabaus6513 7 місяців тому
It is so hard to self-regulate when you were never taught as a child. I do find that teaching it to the next generation - even if it is hard to practice what you preach - has its own self-healing capacity. My parents will probably never take ownership of their shortcomings, but my inner child is listening and there's a similar effect when I own up for mine.
@user-sg8kq7ii3y 7 місяців тому
Very convenient for kids to simply blame their parents. It gives them someone to blame rather than accepting that, perhaps, some of the blame lies with them as well. I mean, if you blame your parents for their shortcomings, then isn't it justified that your parents also blame your grandparents? What are we going to do? Are we going to just keep blaming the previous generations until we go all the way back to Adam and Eve, so that we can, ultimately, blame Eve for eating that damn apple??
@marcelasvirbelovakuziakova7517 7 місяців тому
I love you I really admire your work,your honesty,I am mummy of two children, had a bed argument with my 12 year's old son on Saturday, definitely going to repair,for sure I do try my best all the time,but I am still selfish from one point, feeling down lately, training to find my passion, don't like going to my work, because I do complain about what I don't like,the system there,my colleague they don't like when I say what I think,it is stressful and unmotivated me all the way I am in position when I can't do anything,have no childcare... anyway,thank you appreciate it everything, sending hugs and love 💕
@isabelledywili 7 місяців тому
It’s never too late 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾 Thank you for this nugget of wisdom 🙏🏾
@StephanieGrace19 Місяць тому
Hm. After watching this my mother is even more impressive. She never once yelled at me, never grounded me, never swore, never hit or degraded. She always responded to me with love and listened. EVERY SINGLE TIME. How the heck can I even compare to being as good as a mother as she was to me? This is my struggle.
@rosaliebosma Місяць тому
it sounds like you have an amazing role model as a mother. even if you slip up, simply because you are not her and have other strenghts and struggles, that is okay. as long as you repair, your child will think: 'my mother is so amazing, she did not yell at me often, but when she did, she would have the awareness she had been wrong, and always made sure to make things right.' if you told your mom you yelled at your child because you were in distress, what advice would she offer you? from your description, i think she would tell you not to blame yourself and just keep trying
@StephanieGrace19 Місяць тому
@@rosaliebosma thank you so much! Your words mean so much!
@Gumbootfamily 7 місяців тому
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