Do you think American kids are being raised to be too fragile?

I'm a post 2000's guy ( I guess you call us gen Z). At every turn, it has been quite irritating that my parents (who are quite attentive and take their parenting duties seriously) strongly discouraged risk taking and never took me seriously when I claimed I was capable or responsible enough to do certain things. The response was always, 'No you can't' rather than 'Prove that you can'. Enormously, I feel that even now as a college grad my parents basically have zero trust in my capabilities. You have no idea how difficult it is to do outgoing and controlled risk taking stuff when you've basically been smothered.

Therapist here with a particular niche for working with adolescents and emerging adults (also trained in CBT); Haidt is spot on, a lot of my clients have difficulty navigating conflict, very little coping skills for life's challenges, and do not socialize enough (zero spontaneity with it comes to hanging out with each other; parents have scheduled their childhoods to the max) and struggle with overall independence. The positive however, is that Gen Z is smart, introspective (maybe to a fault), they are open to working on their shortcomings and have a grasp on mental health unlike previous generations.

I was born in 06, and this description epitomizes my year. I wasn't necessarily coddled as a child, but my parents always arranged "play dates" with friends for me when I was younger. Nowadays, most of my social interaction is online, even if it is with friends from my hometown. A huge thing in our household is to plan, work tirelessly, and get good grades. I was raised to analyze every situation and think objectively. Consequently, most of my social interactions feel forced and awkward. I'm more stoic than my generation's stereotype, but it yields the same results: I'm neurotic and antisocial. I feel trapped in my society without the adequate tools to advance myself. While I'm not someone to blatantly lash out against anything that hurts me, I don't have the emotional maturity to handle my stressors. It's like my emotions are a half-deflated balloon, and I'm trying desperately to pinch the hole shut with my fingers, but I can't keep the air from escaping. What escapes is anger and frustration at my life. I'm left slowly being sapped of all emotion as the balloon eventually fully deflates. My school or my parents don’t help me. They've replaced any intrinsic motivation with extrinsic rewards for completing tasks. Write a paper and receive an A. You're interested in x, y, and z? Search for colleges to get into that have that. I'm left with too taxing of a workload to meet my parent's expectations, and I'm passionate about none of it. If I drop the workload, nothing else interests me anymore; there is no happy place to relax. This is why I turned to social media. It preoccupies my time by mindlessly scrolling through seconds of people's carefully manufactured online lives. I can laugh at jokes without thinking about anything. It is my mindless escape. I know it’s not beneficial for me, and I need to find meaningful connections in the world, but it’s easier to do nothing than force yourself to get up in the mornings. Sorry this isn’t about Gen Z psychology, but I couldn’t stop once I started writing. I think our generation magnifies depression because there is less support from other people. We aren’t practiced at helping each other, and older generations don’t understand our emptiness. I hope people feel the same.

Cities need to become walkable again so kids can hangout without having to go to a mall. Sometimes it’s not that kids doesn’t want to go out and play with peers, it’s just that they have no place to go to.

something to consider as well is how many kids are raised in suburbia which doesn't allow anyone without a drivers license to go to any places to hang out, other than neighbor's house. The way we design our communities simply isn't setup for kids to explore and enjoy the area around them. We could work on that

As a young adult who is now a teacher, this is 100% true. Kids NEED PLAY. It promotes interaction, problem solving and creative thinking.

I grew up basically unsupervised because my parents were always working out watching television. Now in my late 30s it's hard to imagine depending on anyone for anything and I've never had a long term romantic relationship. So I think there's a balance to be had between guidance/support from emotionally intelligent adults and opportunities for measured risk taking / independence.

This is so on point! I even noticed this as a kid moving from Colombia to the U.S. I got here at at the age of 11 and found it hard to connect with other kids here. They seemed much more childish and immature than the kids back in Colombia and I've always felt like relationships felt more superficial.

I’m Gen Z. Being born in 2004, I was practically born with a technological device in hand. I was never allowed to go outside because my parents were fearful of me being abducted. They were even afraid that I would fall and scrape my knee. I never learned how to ride a bike because of this. Even sports cause fear and anxiety within me because I was taught to avoid them. Instead of being outside and socializing, I spent my days online. From ages 5 to the present, most of my best memories consist of what happened online. To say that out loud is extremely depressing, but it’s my reality. I grew up playing Wii Sports with my cousins, Minecraft and Roblox with other kids online. I socialized with peers-not through physical means-but digitally through social media. My parents didn’t have much knowledge on how to use technology so I basically had unlimited access to the internet. They were immigrants as well, so they didn’t necessarily understand American culture, which caused further apprehension about allowing me to be outside. I remember always feeling hurt when I couldn’t attend a friend’s birthday party, or not being able to attend an after school program. For them, it was better seeing me on a screen than having to worry about me being kidnapped/physically hurt. You can probably imagine that I was exposed to a lot of information that I shouldn’t have seen as a young child, but thankfully nothing bad has happened. I will say that having spent the majority of my time online and not learning how to interact properly in the real world has really affected me negatively. I have social anxiety, and my view on the world (as mentioned in this video) is indeed extremely negative. I often speak to my parents about how I don’t want children, or how I feel like I cannot trust our own government. I worry about our climate, and worry excessively about our future in general. I have trust issues with people. It takes a lot for me to genuinely open up. They laugh at me, wondering, “Why are so many Gen Z kids like that?” They don’t mean that positively. I doubt my own decisions and have extremely low self-esteem. I don’t feel like I can confidently and comfortably navigate through the world on my own. Even though I’m freshly 18, I mentally feel 12 at times. I try to force myself to seek out uncomfortable situations because that’s how I believe growth occurs, but sometimes it’s just not enough. I do have my own drivers license, and I am currently a full-time student and I have a full-time job. I’m actively reading, and I try to develop my hobbies. Still, I feel lacking in every aspect. I feel as if I can’t think critically, and I’m losing all my creativity. I used to have a vivid imagination, but I notice it is on a steady decline the more I age. I believe I’m not easily swayed by marketing strategies, but I do believe it is harder for me to create my own opinion on something. I find myself often being in the middle, rather than being on extreme ends of beliefs (unless they are blatantly wrong and go against my morals and values). I’m more so worried about my creativity. I don’t know how to get it back. Despite all the downsides that come to growing up in this type of culture, I believe I have learned a lot and seen different ways of living. I was introduced to the self-improvement culture, and learned a lot about stoicism. I view financial freedom content, and I am extremely self-aware when it comes to the psychology of people and the emotions of people. I feel as if I wouldn’t have learned all that I have if I wasn’t on the internet. I try to limit the time I spend on the internet even without my parents having to say anything. Sorry, I don’t even know where I’m going with all of this. I guess all I really want is to be a good person who can feel comfortable in the world and in my own skin. I don’t know why it feels impossible to reach.

3:18 “We should not be teaching our kids to see the world as being full of triggers, we should teach them to live in a world that’s physically quite safe but full of offensive statement and ideas” So well put wow.

I was born in mid 90s and my parents were so protective. I was the one that wanted to go out side and play with other kids but my family held me back, wanted me to play inside. Now from an outgoing one I became awkward and can't communicate well to other people. To anyone that's going to have children, please let them go out and communicate with other kids, don't overprotect them, let them fall, get hurt (in an exceptable manner). You wil only harm your children later on.

I was born in the mid-90s and I’ve definitely seen this with my childhood. When I was 8 or 9 I went out to play with a friend in the neighborhood and we pretty much went everywhere within a mile of home for like 5 hours. I had a ball. Well, when I got home I got a dressing down from my parents because they didn’t know EXACTLY where I was and I caused them to panic. This impacted me so much that I never went out and did free play again. From then on, I allowed my parents to helicopter parent me and I just retreated within myself and played on the computer all day. My parents were well meaning but by scorning their own parents’ parenting style they inadvertently made me and my siblings very fragile. Meanwhile, my husband, a foreigner who was allowed to engage in free play cannot understand why American young adults are so damned anxious and fragile. It’s absolutely foreign to him-and he grew up in a financially insecure home so his childhood wasn’t necessarily “easy” but he still came out well-adjusted.

Wow!! As a parent I can tell you, this is spot on. Stop sheltering kids so much from reality and let them grow a thick skin and problem solving capabilities.

As someone who's a part of this generation, this is exactly how I and a lot of us feel. Even now, most adults in my life treat me like a child, making sure I'm safe, keeping me away from danger. Instead of teaching me how to fend for myself. Now getting out on my own almost feels impossible.

I was born in 2001 and raised in the hood. My mom would work late hours as a single mom so I was out in the streets as a kid. I'm so thankful for this because once I made it out and manage to get to college. Holy shit the amount of kids my age who were so immature mentally and emotionally. Close to no wisdom. Little things send them off the rails. Depression was runny ramped. So many labels yet they hate labels. They can't live in the moment. I saw this more in kids that came from a good home too where both parents are home.

I got goosebumps on my arms because every detail of the description of today's society and education, the impact of social media, and the tends of Gen Z is exactly the same here in South Korea. I can see that this is not just a Korean phenomenon at all. As a public school teacher, tackling low-spirited youngsters and, furthermore, their monstrous parents, I'm sensing the collapse of social cohesion and the loss of solidarity. If this wasn't a Korean thing, I really don't know where else to look for answers anymore.

I was born in 2000 and was raised in the way he describes, and when I got out on my own at 18 I had absolutely no idea what I was doing and I was terrified (not to mention a bad roommate). Luckily I hooked up with a good group of friends, we all give each other advice and laugh at our mistakes, we've been through some crazy times together.

I once heard of an experiment where trees were grown completely inside once sprouted, protected from the elements. As the trees grew, they had no strength and, eventually, would simply fall over under their own weight. They found that those exposed to the wind as they grew did not fall over and had the strength to support themselves and even weather storms. The same wind that sometimes blows over full grown trees was necessary (in smaller doses) for the trees to stand in the first place. Our children are the same: they need protection from the full force of life, but if they do not experience it at all, they will always rely on an external support.

I was born in 2001, I'll be 22 in June. My parents raised me a little more "old-school" than the vast majority of my peers. I was given responsibilities, I was allowed to do my own thing and be independent as I built trust with my parents. My parents divorced twice, and fought a lot. Obviously this is far from an ideal situation, but I think having parents who were dealing with tough problems and weren't able to monitor every single thing I did ended up playing in my favor. I struggled a lot as a child, with not being able to make many real friends. I felt a lot more mature than everyone else in my grade, even though I was already a grade ahead for my age. I noticed a lot of my friend's parents were overbearing and obsessed with everything their child did. And now, it blows my mind how financially illiterate many of my college friends are, and how little motivation they have to work hard for the things they're passionate about. Many of them refuse to accept opinions from someone they don't agree with 100% of the time. I think a lot of people in my generation were deprived of any kind of responsibility, conflict resolution, or decision making experience and it's starting to show more and more.

Bullying isnt a good thing. I went to private elementary school as a kid so i was stuck with the same group of kids from 5 to 14. One of the kids convinced all the others not to talk to me starting in kindergarten, and by 5th grade in a class of 30 students i had 1 friend. And friend was a generous term, he was just the only student who would talk to me. I remember praying tp god in 4th grade that i wouldnt wake up. I have struggled with suicidal thoughts ever since. I have extreme social anxiety which makes my depression that much worse. Bullying has destroyed my life. "When we protect kinds from ... teasing and exclusion we are setting them up to be weak." Im weak because no one protected me. Im weak because none of the adults for the first 5 years of my social life thought to stick up for me.

It seems like we keep seeing a false binary about this question. As if our choices are either “let ‘em run wild” Vs. “shield them from any difficulty.” There’s a third option. You can experience difficulties *with* your child and teach them how to process suffering. How to acknowledge it, how to share it with other people who care about you, how to find a silver lining. And I think that does involve a degree of protecting them, because you need to make sure they’re not taking on more than they’re ready for. You got to walk before you can run.

As a child I was outside with my friends ALL the time. Literally told don't come home till the street lights come on. Wouldn't change a thing about that part of my childhood!!

THIS needs to be shared far and wide!

This is not just happening in America. I remember as a child (Latin America), my school didn't even let me walk out for one block to my mom's car (so she could avoid traffic), because it was "dangerous". A BLOCK, in one of my city's safest zones. And it was like that even in high school. One of my fondest memories is when I could finally have the freedom to walk on my own wherever I wanted when I visited Europe. It's a shame kids and teens (myself included) are deprived of independence for so long

I am one of these people. I never tried being independent during my formative years so now I'm stuck as an adult trying to learn how to be independent and take care of myself. It's a difficult path but I hope to prevail and teach a new generation how to be strong.

I began parenting in early 2000s in a safe, nice California neighborhood. I was constantly guilted by the schools helicopter moms who subtly and overtly were shocked at how I had my kids walk 1 mile to school without me, and how I had them packing their own healthy lunches by 2nd grade (with supervision). They loved the independence, however found it difficult to relate to fellow students over the years because they were much more mature. Also I was shocked at how near impossible it was to get kids to do sleepovers unless the parents had been able to meet and “interview” the family for safety. Kids would give up trying

I was raped and molested very often by dozens of men growing up in the 80s and 90s. Growing up as a young girl, I was constantly being solicited by grown men. I escaped and fought off most of them. It has taken me a lifetime to heal, and most never heal that. I refuse to subject my daughters to that. Obviously, I don't deprive my children of social interaction, and I teach them about the world. I, by far, do not shelter them. However, I think young girls have a much different experience in this world than young boys. The world isn't as safe as the man in this video portrays. There definitely has to be a balance. Sheltering your children isn't the solution... but neither is neglecting them.

Holy. These 10 minutes were one of the best I have seen in a long long time. There is so much important truth and thoughts in it that I would need to write an essay here in order to appreciate everything. This simple video should be played in schools. Not only for the kids but also for the teachers.

So a generation shaped by their parents anxiety and fear is plagued by anxiety and fear? I am technically one of the last years of gen Y but I can agree, this seems like a pretty accurate representation of what is happening right now and the experiences I am familiar with. It would be refreshing to step away from it or fix it.

One thing not mentioned with kids born after 1995 is weekly shootings at schools. Something that my generation (kids in school during the 1970s) never heard of, like never. Now, it happens every week somewhere. This must add to the psychological unease that seems to be on rise with this generation.

It really blew my mind when I met an American lady who was visiting New Zealand, at a dinner with my Aunt and Uncle. She were shocked when my uncle described his parents locking him and his brothers out of the house when children, so they could get some peace and quiet, so the kids played outside. Even myself as a younger generation, that was fairly normally and we'd go on adventures down to the river or the park by our house. The women said she would never let her children out of her sight, and never let them outside without her watching their every move. We all had a good chuckle about her after she left. But seems that behaviour isn't so uncommon there.

I’m only 16 but I feel like the times I’ve grown the most as a person has been the times where I’ve been beaten up (emotionally) and had to crawl my way through it making mistake after mistake until eventually reaching a desired outcome. It sucks in the moment but it is so worth those experiences once you’re able to look back.

I started ridding the bus at 10 years old by myself, arroud 2003. Obviously my mom gave me instructions and warned me of what could happen. This made me very independent and gave me confidence.

I worked at a public university for 21 years, and agree with this video. However, I also have worked in addiction recovery, and heard way too many heartbreaking stories of girls who suffered sexual violence while being unsupervised outdoors and and the homes of friends. None of these crimes were never reported, but they do inform my sense of how safe my daughter is in the world. All the well-meaning messages to girls about how not to be victimized also instills a baseline level of anxiety.

Born in 92 and half experienced this. Lots of interference from adults growing up in resolving our conflicts. Not all the time but it was still present and you could just run to a teacher if you wanted. Phones and apps really weren't a thing until I was like 20, but social media on the computer and video games at home definitely were a thing. At least I got to ride my bike around with friends and okay in the neighborhood when I wanted. You just don't see that anymore it seems. Unless they're with their parents. Ugh we're fucking up the next generation bc of our own fears.

I think it's valuable to acknowledge societal issues that GEN-Z have grown up with, not just the way they've been raised. Theres also a whole lot of increased external stress factors they have that is different to do with college, the economy, job prospects, with housing - when GEN-Z's looks at their future it's different to all previous generations. Social media and it's affect on self esteem and self perception is also a huge one to a young person's levels of anxiety, and they've grown up alongside this. Social media being based in external validation and achievement, is a really warped thing to expect kids as young as 13 to try and start being aware of and relating it to themselves. There's a lot of factors of our kids heightened anxiety levels, it's not just GEN Z also where we've had this boom in anxiety and depression and we can't ignore the external societal factors that are the cause of it. It's not just because we think we've raised GEN Z too soft to deal with these external societal stresses, it's the stresses that are the root of the problem - anxiety and depression etc are a symptom and consequence.

Because they have fragile parents, I would say. I speak as a teacher with many friends who are teachers and for the past several years, parents have been unable to handle reality as regards their children. Instead of teaching their kids how to handle differing opinions at school, groups of shrieking parents bully librarians and school boards into suppressing opinions they don't like. Instead of telling their kid that a C doesn't meet their expectations and to work harder and play on screens less, they storm into the classroom after school and try to strong-arm the teacher into changing the grade or offering extra work.

I’m a millennial born a decade before 1995, but my parents “took away” that ability for me to “practice independence” out in the actual world of people. I lived on a large farm that I spent most of my waking hours working with my parent on and me doing very difficult manual labor - which I’m grateful for - (just not grateful for how socially weird this all made me) and was not allowed to leave or have friends over or go meet with friends. When I moved out at 18 and lived in a subdivision, I couldn’t believe how remarkable it was that you could know people down the street and ride your bike to go see them. I continued acting kind of childlike well into my late 20s. So yeah, I’m that girl who was in her 20s going to the park and wanting to swing on the swings and go down the slide over and over pretty much on the daily and constantly wanting to “go meet with friends“ in the neighborhood and ride bikes down the street. Because I never got to as a kid. 🤦🏼‍♀️ But hey, on the upside - I can run a swather, a bale wagon, baler, a backhoe, an excavator, and can throw 80-lb hay bales for 12 hours at a time with only a couple quick breaks for water. 😐 Just don’t have any people there, or I’ll be weird. 😂

I think it's also important to remember that because of the way North American cities and towns have developed since WW2, it's actually physically more difficult for kids to be independent now than it was, say, 75 or even 50 years ago. It's impossible to go anywhere or do anything without a car. Going to school, going to practice, going to a friend's house. Unless you live in the downtown of a major city like NYC/Boston/Philly/Chicago/etc. with good walkability/bikability/public transit, your parents will have to drive you to where you need to go and that further limits the opportunities for childhood independence. I was born in '95 and my parents were probably an exception. They didn't let us spend too much time watching TV or playing on the computer because they just thought it wasn't good for us. So we did spend a lot of time outside, but our neighborhood wasn't very big and there just weren't many other kids around. There was also no public transport were we grew up so my parents drove us to every place we needed to go. I highly recommend a video called "Why We WON'T Raise Our Kids in Suburbia" from a channel called Not Just Bikes. Talks a lot about the issues in this video and in this comment.

As a new adult, I find these issues hit home. I struggle with doing new things on my own. Even small things like making a doctors appt. or paying a ticket are mentally challenging for me to overcome sometimes. I have gotten significantly better at doing these things, but I do procrastinate a bit. The thought of moving away to college next year terrifies me. Thinking about all the things I will have to do alone and figure out myself is scary. It's comforting knowing I'm not the only one struggling with this, and I'm glad it's being researched.

I taught in a community college from 1993-2018 and I saw exactly what is being described here… kids becoming more fearful, more anxiety ridden, less able to do their own problem solving and function independently. I reached a similar conclusion, that we have overprotected our children and virtually incapacitated them. Children need to practice their independence. That is how they develop confidence and problem solving skills.

Spot on! Interestingly, my autistic daughter (who is now 20) has better problem solving skills than some of her peers. We "pushed" her out of her comfort zone in order to counteract her social difficulties and executive dysfunctioning (including problem solving). The book "The Loving Push" is a good read for ALL parent raising teens - not just neurodivergent/autistic kids. I CONSUMED this book and took it to hear. Profssionally, as a therapist (and now coach) I still use a lot of CBT with my clients. Great video - thanks!

When I did an exchange semester in the US I noticed how immature 18 year old college students were compared to 18 year old Dutch students. Especially with drinking, going out and independency in general. 18/19 year old Americans were acting as 15/16 year old Dutch teens and I think it has to do with this.

My daughter was born in 1995. Her mother coddled and protected her. Drove her everywhere, made sure she was in some sort of sports league that she never wanted to participate in, etc. She was pretty much free range when she was with me. “Be home by dinner” was the only thing I cared about. I taught her to drive a stick shift when she was 13 on back county roads. But work took me across the country, so my influence waned. She didn’t want to go to college (fine by me, I did tell her get a skill though, but she didn’t ), she didn’t get her driver’s license until she was 19, she has done nothing to make herself independent. Any advice I have tried to give her over the years is regarded as an attack on her, so I have quit offering. She is 28 and stills lives with her mother, and lets her mother still run her life. It is like she is a perpetual teenager. I’m so sad for her, but I can’t help. She is an “adult”.

I'm a teacher and see this shift happening in India too. I give writing prompts like "an adventurous Sunday" and the answers are mostly about sitting inside somewhere watching TV or doing something scheduled and controlled with their parents. Parents are afraid to let kids be independent and everything is monitored. But I don't have kids of my own - I reckon I'd do the same kind of thing if I did, maybe. The world is a scary place now and who can be trusted?

This is very accurate! I realize older generations tend to criticize younger generations. But I consider myself a pretty fair person. As a millennial, I do feel Gen z has gotten the short end of the stick in many regards, far worse than we did. But I also think they have unique sensibilities and ideas. I’ve also seen many are willing to work and do work very hard. I have my frustrations with them, but overall, I am not critical of them. I want this younger generation to do well.

I grew up in a rough neighborhood. Drugs, violence, muggings and plenty of fights. You would think I would be the poster child for mental toughness but that is far from the thruth. A little love, certantiy and encourgment could have saved me decades of personal issues and yes, trauma. How many times has the older generation had it wrong? Maybe millennials and gen z don't want corporate 9 to 5 jobs. They want freedom and perhaps they found the means online. While we call them lazy, half of them are making more money then both their parents. The are becoming digital entrepreneurs and independant of traditional norms. I say rock on! They are the future. Those who don't want change will only be left behind.

In my area, they don't even let HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS cross a single-lane street on their own. They shut down the entire road for about 20 minutes to let them cross. I'm not even that old (late 40's), and when I was a kid 6-year-olds walked home alone with zero help.

I was born in 1997 and the best thing my parents did was ban the TV and computer 4 days out of the week and forced me to play with the kids outside. I learned so many important social skills that taught me to stand up for myself, deal with shitty people and circumstances, and how to take risks. I also was home alone for a few hours everyday and that was crucial for my development.

"prepare your kid for the road, not the road for your kid" I grew up with a mother that got remarried to a less than ideal man and she directed that on me. I've been called awful things, yelled at, manipulated, my reputation tarnished all from my mother. The only upside is it's nearly impossible to offend me. I know when I'm being baited, I know when someone is trying to emotionally rile me up and I'm totally unfazed. I have a great sense of humor because of it and people feel comfortable telling jokes and being themselves around me. I'm not advocating to do this for a child as it's messed me up in other ways but it's given me tough skin.

I had helicopter parents growing up. I’m grateful for what my family did for me, but at the same time I realize there are times I’ve become so reliant on them and that it’s hindering my independence as I get older. They almost never believed I could do anything on my own without their supervision because they thought I wasn’t “street smart” but I couldn’t have learned because I was never allowed in those situations. I know they didn’t want anything to happen, but I wonder what I’d be capable of if they didn’t raise me that way.

I'm in my mid-30s and I feel such a huge difference between people even just 5-7 years younger than me but feel more connected to most 45-50 year olds. It's amazing how technology had such quick advancements. I had a walkman, no cell phone, AOL, etc growing up. I still remember a "simpler" time despite being somewhat young still - and I'm thankful for that.

being born in 2006, this us vs them (in group/out group) mentality is so abundant, this video gave a pretty clear explanation of what that entails so thank you! And the notion of parents permitting hyper-dependence brings SO much clarity to my own relations because my parents fit the very behaviors described; they don't encourage me to persevere against challenge, or get out of the comfort zone -- I've always had to persuade them to allowing me to do mentally/physically challenging things. I'm definitely going to be researching into CBT after this video!!!

Here is a few more points to consider for the critical thinker; Now if we assume this protection theory is true, why do we still see similar results in countries where children do have more freedom? I am from Finland and here the kidnapping of children never really has been a big thing and therefore kids still today are quite free to go. Kids starting from age 7 already go to school mostly by themselves. Most of them are free to play outside and visit their friends. Of course there is always some parents that are very protective but I think they are not a majority. Still, I think some of the effects represented in the video are visible in here as well. Birth rate is going down very steeply, young people drink less alcohol, they use much more phones and social media. So to me it seems like the protection by parents alone cannot explain this. The common thing in both countries is massively increased usage of social media, phones and computers. These are of course only based on my personal experience that for sure does not draw very accurate picture about the reality. But, a good "test" for the theory would be to compare how well it stands the comparison between different countries!

Born in 1992. Mom hovered and put bars on my window. She did everything for me, even when I got a bit older and didn't want her to. I can't blame her for the way I withdrew myself from the world. I never practiced initiating with people or being friendly. Had introverted hobbies that were looked at as being not enough, so felt forced into hobbies like piano and dance for years. I have no friends and no social ties at 30. I was trying, but it's too painful. I want to be alone.

This is facts. I traveled to Europe for Elemental school, and was raised in a country with a lot of afternoon "child gang" life (that's what we called it). We moved around the capital city where I was raised, explored the parks, the streets, all on our own. Now I'm seventeen and just came back from a month of teaching English at a Buddhist monastery near the Himalayas ALONE. Not all kids even my country had all the freedom I did when I was younger, and there were risks, but ultimately it was worth it. Now I'm not afraid of independence.

I was born in 1999, and when I was going through the school system from about 2004 onward I remember feeling like my class in particular was singled out to be guinea pigs. They always had us testing or doing new things, and it felt even to my small mind that we weren't doing what kids before us had had the luxury of doing. I'm glad to hear my initial instincts from all those years ago being validated. I feel like I got off pretty well considering my cohort, but I'm still nowhere as comfortable in my own skin as I'd like to be, and looking around at many of my contemporaries, all fearful and neurotic, it makes me worried for the future, and the hard times that will inevitably accompany it.

Intuitively I agree with what Haidt is discussing here. As a parent of three there are definitely some unique challenges in raising children at this time. That said, I think some additional context is important for some of these statistics. For example, things like going on dates, getting a driver's license, and working for pay are heavily impacted by financial factors. Conveniently, these decreases accelerated during the financial crisis. What about the years preceding 1994 and after 2014? This is a very specific subset of time. Especially when the referenced study spanned from the 1970s forward. Also, simply showing a decrease in these categories without showing a correlation with internet use of those respondents makes Haidt's points speculative. Are the kids engaging in these behaviors not using their devices? Haidt is an important thinker but he has a tendency to start with an opinion and find data to support the opinion. There are a number of alternative hypotheses that could also be influencing these numbers: decrease in family size, economics, increased life span, education levels, etc. Again, these points feel right but there's also some cherry picking going on here.

I was born in 94, and it is crazy how different I am compared to my younger siblings. didn't have social media til I finally went to college in 2016. Grateful for that!

As a Venezuelan, you shone, still shine the light of hope!

I am a retired early gen xer. I was a stay at home child because I liked to read. Didn’t like group sport. Didn’t have many friends. To this day I still have social anxiety and not comfortable talking to people (often saying strange things to people out of nerves or discomfort). I did try my best to experience the world by traveling and challenging myself to be physically active. Although I still don’t have many friends and the few I have are starting to drift away (life stages, distance etc), I don’t feel lonely. I was born an introvert with a desire to think, I am comfortable staying home to browse on line and tinkering with craft projects. I hope younger generations will challenge themselves one step at a time like I have. I learned how to budget, how to laundry, how to cook, and how to drive a stick shift (at 41). I have done activities outside of work to balance the desire to be a hermit. Growth was arrested because for decades I had no desire to be a wife and parent but it’s all good. I have achieved independence of mind spirit, and finance all by myself. Young people can do it, just try. A life lived without trying is truly wasted.

As a parent of two children, a son born in 2002 and a daughter in 2005, I can say if I could have had my way, my children would have been raised differently. It didn't seem as much up to me, though. Everyone around me seemed to tie my hands, my ex-husband always looking for me to mess up. He was a helicopter parent from the moment they were born and was very vocal pointing out other parents' "mistakes" long before our divorce. His mother was the same way. I never felt like I lived up to their standards, and the divorce just enforced those feelings, making me more worried about something happening on my watch. Also, society often blames the parent if something happens to their child. You hear how they should have never let them do that because that's what got them hurt, kidnapped, or even killed. I wish I could have let my kids run free from an early age just like I was allowed to do. I wish I had made a better choice in who I had children with. It would have made all the difference.

I think everyone should be treated equally

I am pretty sure Jonathan Haidt is one of the most important thinkers we have currently. His peacefull and rational views on alot of topics are really nececarry nowadays. Thank you.

I used to be a staff therapist on an adolescent psychiatric unit. I have met many survivors of sexual abuse. Rarely by strangers, most often family, friends, neighbors or mom's boyfriend. Stranger danger is a myth.

Being born in 1997, I definitely resonate with some of this. I don't think my upbringing or education prepared me to be independent. I excelled at everything asked of me growing up, and I still felt completely hopeless upon graduating college. I had no idea how anything worked. Luckily I worked through a lot of it.

I, born in the mid 2000s, agree with this so much. Till today, I still would love to play childhood games with my friends, but I can't. I had to convince my parents that I could cross the road to go play basketball in the neighboring community, and they simply don't allow my sister to step outside into the neighborhood park. However, they still boast about how back in the day in India regardless of how hot it was they used to play from dawn to dusk (if I said the same thing, they'd go bonkers). My parents never put me in team sports as a kid since they were scared I'd get "allergies," and while I do want to learn to play baseball and football now, when the other teenagers are in varsity, how can I ever try? Funny enough, our adult (18+) league has far more beginner programs than the kids one and I look forward to joining one when I get older. Branching out into society, this has divided all the kids into two distinct groups - the video gamers and the athletes. The last time the video gamers ever stepped outside to play physically was probably in 5th grade, and they see absolutely no point in making friends beyond their Fortnite server. The thought of playing tag would be probably repulsive. On the other hand, the athlete kids never played for fun outside with neighbors; they were always in some youth association playing soccer, basketball, football, etc, and their time outside is dedicated to perfecting these sports and nothing else. This dynamic may be present in only my locality, but what's similar about them? There are no in-betweens (I'm one of the few exceptions) and they've never really had the conventional childhood of just hanging out as a group and playing. Again, it's totally driven by the distinct "my child could never get a scratch" or "are ya winnin, son" parents. In my neighborhood specifically, the kids take pride in playing video games for 10 hours straight and don't step outside at all. Whoever's fault it is, I wish it'd change.

I was born in 1946. In my childhood, it was common for 8 or 9 year olds to “ go out and play “ with an admonition of “be home by 5!” Kids played in and about neighborhoods without adult involvement. Pick-up games were common (hide and go seek, baseball, marbles, whatever.) For years now, I haven’t seen these types of self-organized kid activities. And the neighborhood is certainly no more dangerous today then it was then.

It is very difficult for me to imagine that allowing kids to be bullied is positive for their development

“None of that did any harm to us when we were young!”, said by someone who was harmed by it.

Totally agree with this!!! I let my children have more and more freedom to choose their own fates as they got older, let them walk home from school, be unsupervised for increasing lengths of time and so on. I was criticized for this and had more than one butt-insky stranger tell me I was a bad parent but I didn't let it get to me. I stuck to my guns. The world is not the super dangerous place it is made out to be. We must let our children learn to trust their OWN instincts before we turn them out into the world at 18. If we have made every decision for them and supervised their every move, they will NOT BE PREPARED. Now grown, both my children are responsible and contribute to society. They make their own decisions, have self-agency and healthy self esteems.

I realized things had dramatically changed when I saw a 11 yr old who couldn't make a PBJ because his mom didn't think he could handle a butter knife and spoon. That was right around 2005. I was cooking my own meals after school by 10. Boiling hot dogs, grilled cheese, etc... to feed myself as a latchkey kid. What he's saying about what the parents did to this generation is spot on.

I was born in 1990, and I can't relate to people 10 years younger, but I never had any issue with older people (5-10-15-20+). It's like something broke up in the 90s. Very insightful video.

This hits home. I loved to play outside and be rowdy as a child. My dad encouraged this while my mom was always apprehensive. As soon as my parents separated and my dad moved away, my mom became very very protective against me. She sheltered me and I lost the sense of play and personal capability around 10 years old. I’m 23 and it’s still gone. My mom inadvertently instilled within me a fear of failure as she would process all of my difficult emotions and hold my hand through literally everything. I never learned proper coping mechanisms and my mental health has always been volatile. Even though I’m 23 I do not feel like an adult because I’ve never had the chance to function outside of my mom’s grasp. And every opportunity that arises for me to do so scares me and I decline out of fear. I feel paralyzed as I have so many dreams for my life but don’t have the grit to walk towards them. If anyone else has been working through this and has any helpful advice for how to improve, I would be so grateful. I’m so tired of living like this.

I know a bunch of 16-22 year olds that literally cannot do anything without the help of a parent or someone older. Can't set up their own appointments, can't handle applying and interviewing for jobs, can't cook or clean, etc.

In my experience teasing, taunting and bullying don’t make the victim stronger. It does, however, make the attacker more confident insofar as they realise that there aren’t many real penalties for their anti-social behaviour.

I’m 20 and I was so overprotected that I struggle now to keep a basic job anywhere or even get a license because I’m so socially behind. I struggle socializing and just talking to strangers that no matter how I much I want I fear of “what could happen”

As 60s kids, me and my siblings were ultra independent, cooking, cleaning, fixing cars, resolving conflicts, constantly learning, exploring our neighborhood, and then our city (L.A.), on foot, bike, and bus, and becoming functional human beings with the expectation that we'd have to "figure it out" and we did! We were resilient, and we didn't die. As a mother, I had the same ideas and expectations of my children, but lots of complex cultural dynamics have changed everything.

My mother is from Poland and was very hands off and let me explore. I live in a very walkable city. I feel thankful for that experience because I feel comfy navigating risks

Born in 2002, and I've always felt like my parents have been a little bit over protective of my life. So this video makes it so much sense.

When I went to university the very first class taught us about Critical Thinking. That lesson sinked in very deep (for some reason that I didn't know then) and I can say with complete confidence that it was one of the MOST IMPORTANT (ANY)THING that I have ever learned. No other skill or piece of knowledge has had a greater and more important impact into every aspect of my life than Critical Thinking.

The thing is, while I do agree with this video, safety HAS declined in the recent years. My parents told me how they could freely go to park alone even when they were just pre-teens, but nowadays even late teens aren't safe. People have a lot less money and hence are more desperate and that is why crimes are more common now, especially with the internet affecting the youth and exposing them to disturbing things much more than what used to be possible. I guess controlled exposure? Like you let the kids out but just keep an eye on them like tracking their location. Or you take them to a big park and don't follow them around, just sit in a place and if the kid needs you they just approach wherever you were sitting.

We like to look at younger generations, but in my day to day life it seems that adults have become as fragile quite quickly and for much the same reasons. The more we talk about resilience, it seems the less resilient we are. We used to be anxious and deal with it, now we are anxious about being anxious and so focus on being anxious rather than dealing with what is creating the anxiety, and as the video infers, we are not being responsible for our own reactions to the real world.

3:18 "Sticks and Stones may break my Bones, but Words will NEVER hurt me." Didn't anyone else grow up with this childhood saying???

After this talk I realized there were definitely a few milestones of independence : going to the movies alone with my older sis, and a couple years later, going yo the movies alone with a friend. I even remember the movies and where.

Thank you so much for this! As a brazilian phychologist who's walked the path of behavioral analysis for quite some time it's absolutely refreshing to hear a fellow colleague speak sensible words. For years on end I've been talking how it is imperative to expose ouro children and teenagers to the multifaced and often confusing chaos that is life. There is no absolute right or wrong, yet when I argue that preventing bullying, for example, did more harm than good, that instead we should direct and instruct the kids on how to deal with this kinds of situations and keep on going, I'm often treated as a "lunatic". And I don't only speak out of my practice and study: I actually learned this by my own experience as a teenager and it really made me grow, to the point where I didin't only successfully and inteligently fought back, but achieved the respect of said persons. As a result, while I see a lot of insecure 20-something yo and even some 30-something (the age group I'm in at the moment), I really don't feel uncomfortable in conflicts or while facing oposition. In my private Life I actually find them amusing and cherish these moments whenever they appear.

I'm 28, born in 1994 here in the UK. My childhood was full of independence and adventure and it was absolutely amazing. Me and the other kids in my area would do all sorts of things, we'd stock up our bags with drinks and sweets and go on adventures to other areas, we'd cycle for miles down the canal, right out of the city. We'd start playing out at like 7am and wouldn't go home until 9 when it started getting dark in the summer. We'd get like 30 kids together and play a game called 'beat the letter' The running team would each have a letter assigned to them, all the letters on the team would spell out a phrase or a word. The chasing team would have to find, chase and beat up the running team until they gave up and confessed their letter. They would then have to join the chasing team, the game wasn't over until the chasing team had correctly guessed the word/phrase. These games would last all day long and it was so thrilling and exciting. We'd be strategizing and coming up with plans, we'd make diversions, there would be betrayals, ambushes. Honestly it was amazing and I miss it a lot.

I was born in 2004 in a small town in Canada. My mother raised me how she was raised and I will always be thankful for the set of skills I was giving as a result. I know how to interact with people and be independent, I have no social media other than UKposts and I’m starting my own business next year :) I grew up very poor and I think I’ve only benefited from my mothers struggles.

Over half of that doesn't apply to low income/working class kids. They're too busy trying to not lose their jobs, pay their bills and avoid crippling student/healthcare debt to be offended/fearful of everything. Many of them don't even go to college, because it's too expensive, and their parents can't give them good financial advice. There are exceptions, but most either end up joining the military, learn a trade or live a life of constant struggle. These people aren't fragile and they make up a lot of the population, and it feels like both the media and the universities like to pretend they don't exist.

i agree, way too open to everything, lack of boundaries and mental discipline..

Kids need play.

Born 1991. My Mother was TERRIFIED of me being abducted. To the point I couldn't visit friends until I was 17. At that point I didn't care to. I still don't. I have a 3 year old and I am also terrified. Not sure what to do about it cuz kids DO get abducted.. sometimes from right next to you. Also, if you let your kid's wander the streets nowadays you can be seen as a bad parent. I'm working on it..

Though I agree people in my age range are more fragile, but certain example especially the one about protect me from that book is not something I have ever heard anyone in my generation say. It is almost exclusively the parents that want to "protect" kids from certain books.

We live in a nice suburban neighborhood in Midwest. Up to last fall, at 10 and half, my stepson broke down when he wanted to go play inside but neither my husband and I wanted to go inside with him because we had yard work to do. We said fine, if you don’t want to be inside by yourself, you can come outside to hang out with us, but leave your electronics inside. That seemed to cure his fear of being alone somewhat. One year later, my husband is still not comfortable to leave him home alone more than 15 or 20 minutes because the baby mama is super protective. It’s sad to see how crippling he’s in so many ways.

This is an excellent video. I've been spending the past year trying to challenge myself and grow as a person. I'm 20 years old and I'm about to become student government president at my college after a year of being vice president. I'm about to learn to drive this summer after 4 years of trying to learn but failing due to terrible panic attacks that came from my own insecurities. I'm doing all the hard things I never thought I could do and I'm on the brink of huge challenge that'll bring me greatness. Thanks for this, this channel is awesome.

Good stuff Jonathan. As a Historian, I will suggest that this is part of a larger historical pattern in Anglo-American history. What also happened in the 90s (so the same time as when we have seen this change in children) is that, as a culture, we decided that “pain should be banished.” It started in the pharmaceutical industry, and to be generous, I will say that they did what they did for noble reasons. Still, from that, we suddenly thought to “protect the kids” and that spread throughout our society. I have worked with students for other 30 years, and the education industry also began to speak in terms of “eliminating pain” around the mid-00s. Of course all of that movement is disastrous because, as most know, pain is a teaching tool, whether physical pain or pain within the life on the self (getting a bad grade, not making the first string, not getting the artistic part because not talented enough, not getting the raise, etc…).

It is good to let your children be independent however he doesn't acknowledge some of the biggest factors driving this change. Families were once really large and childhood mortality was much higher, so a woman having 8 children might expect that some would die before adulthood and they would still have 7 more children. My maternal grandmother had 9 children (3 died) and my paternal grandmother had 5. I had one sibling and now I have one child. Childhood mortality has dropped at the same time that the fertility rate has dropped. Children are less likely to die now but if they do, it is an even bigger loss to the family and society than it was before. THIS is why parents are more careful. Children are now seen as a more scarce resource and when resources are scarce, they are more protected. If you want to fix this, you'd need to increase the fertility rate and you'll only do that once America has better systems in place for families. Health care is crazy expensive. College is crazy expensive. If you want a good life, oftentimes both parents need to work now. This means less time to raise more children. Fix healthcare, college, and have better protections for parents... you will see the fertility rate rise and you will see less sheltered children.

Jonathan Haidt totally gets how my Gen X Asian mom (born in '71) raised me. She was seriously over-protective - no sleepovers with my girl friends until I hit 18. At first, I figured it was just 'cause I'm a girl, but now I think it might be due to all those past abduction reports. I was born in 1996, got into social media (starting with Facebook) before my teens, then a year later, I got on Twitter (which is now X) and Insta. But what really contributed to my anxiety besides social media are online games. I was just 12 when I started, dealing with toxic gamers, crazy grind, and the pressure to go pro in Esports. And yeah, totally agree with the fact that the downsides of smartphones, social media, and online games, around for more than a decade now, just don't get enough talk.

So much wisdom Jonathan Heidth thank you so much!