Real women don't hit men.

Rule #1: Don’t try to heckle a comedian. It’s like trying to punch an MMA fighter

"You rub one out. It's the champagne of victory." Just an amazing piece of comedy. Punctuated with so many good lines.

I love the woman who screamed 'Everyday!!!' She made bill's joke so poignant

Ah yes, the classic “I’m gonna piss him off, then play victim when he gets mad” routine.

it's weird seeing van gogh with two ears

"Ladies can you at least admit that every ass kicking doesn't just fall out of the sky". I lost it man.

Still one of the greatest and most fearless comedy monologues of all time.

That shit about how his wife slapped him upside the head then said "were gonna discuss this later when you calm down" made me so mad and it didn't even happen to me lol

“Have a rough day at the factory, come home ‘tuna casserole?!’ And just start swinging” 😂

That woman who yelled “everyday” had one of those moments like in any sport where you have that magical shot without realizing it. The stars aligned

“Talking about hitting women sweet heart” gets me every time!! 😂🤣😂🤣😂

"Rub one out... it's the champagne of victory." Greatest line ever!

I've told my wife "Maybe we should talk about it later when you have calmed down". I don't think I've ever seen her more visibly pissed off any other time for any other reason than after I said that.

Could be the best live bit in comedy history when you take into consideration the material, the wording, the crowd interaction, and the overall execution. Bill executed his material like a seasoned vet and the woman who yelled, "EVERYDAY!!!" was a gift from the comedy gods because it fit so perfectly with his act. This is stand-up comedy at its finest.

I genuinely love how he derives so much humor while simultaneously teaching real life lessons by simply calling out the sheer dumbassery that’s been accepted by mainstream society and logically breaking it down. The “no reason to hit a women” bit seems edgy but it’s simply calling out the sheer arrogance that women are somehow above reproach compared to men and men just have to accept that. It solves literally nothing about what led to that conflict in the first place and does nothing to prevent future conflicts.

Oh man, the shit he said about women losing arguments is so true.

"There's a reason to hit everyone, JUST DONT DO IT. There's a reason to push an old man down a flight of stairs, JUST DON'T IT. Ain't nobody above an asswhopping." - Chris Rock

After 22 years of marriage I discovered that winning an argument just makes your wife madder.

100%. I had a buddy of mine actually got married last year. Didn't even last a fucking year because this.... Cretin he married, was as unstable as an out of balance scale. This woman destroyed him and he just took it all. When I was living with them, multiple times I thought to myself, "I wonder how she'd feel if I did the exact same to her?" About 3 months of that crap and I decided to move out. She kept needling me on why I was leaving, I told her she couldn't handle the truth, and low and behold, I was right. I didn't get a quarter of the way through my explanation and she loses her damn mind! It was ridiculous. Thankfully, my friend filed for divorce and is suing her for physical, mental and emotional damage. It's literally an open and shut case cuz I'm one of 5 witnesses

My wife was talking negative about my mother, each statement got worse and worse. When I defended my mother, and told her to stop talking smack about my mom, she asked me what good my mother ever taught me? I told her "She taught me to never hit a woman"! That shut her up!

The funniest line in this whole joke is “it’s gonna fuckin rust”. Gets me every time.

Love how this bit has a woman positively heckle and another woman negatively heckle and they both just work great

I dated a woman that had no idea what respect or decency was. We'd be out in public and she'd be one of those "get all loud and make a scene" types. I'd always tell her that she's gonna end up getting me arrested because some drunk guy is gonna hear her and think he needs to put his two sense in and get assaulted in the process. I'd just walk away from where ever we were no matter where and leave her there for a while. She stabbed me with a key. Eventually yea, she got hit.

This guy should be a marriage counselor.

I’m a woman and I agree. I’ve seen (and heard) a lot of my male friends/colleagues get bullied by their partners. They took it because she’s a woman and these women had no empathy or respect especially when in public. Making fun of your man, demeaning him, yelling at him, slamming the door in their face wether in a room or car, whatever it is, it’s all disrespectful. There is a way to disagree. Don’t take advantage of this bias and abuse your position. Upsets me greatly because I was lucky enough to grow up in a household where both my mom and dad respected each other and argued like grown ups. Shameful what I’ve seen time and time again.

“You rub one out, that’s the champagne of victory” I definitely felt that 😂😭🏆🍾🥂

"I'm talking about hitting women, sweetheart, and I think you just added another reason!" 😆😂

I am a girl, I totally agree. Bill, The truthful savage.

The most important moment of male progress in the last 20 years.

Love it when he 'stirs the cauldron' with the mic stand at 10:23

I've listened to this bit dozens of times but it still never gets old

He's not wrong, lol. I love my gf very much but sometimes when she is losing an argument, she will bring up things that dont even pertain to our conversation....just to get an edge and sometimes it's really hurtful shit.

My uncle got beat up, violently, by his now ex-girlfriend. The police arrived, came inside, and arrested him. Even though she was clearly the one at the scene who beat him up, the cops still took my uncle away to a temporary cell. Luckily, he was only fined but still, that's just fucked up.

I come back to this just to hear that woman yell in the break of the joke "EVERYDAY" and I swear Bill Burr is one of the most real comedians left out there today. That symphony, unplanned, moment of the crowd participating in the joke is what makes comedy, comedy. He expected that but didnt expect that comment, and the crowd delivered.

“Worked like a charm. Worked like a charm!” “Even hockey has two minutes for instigating.” An underrated hilarious line.

Poor Johnny Depp. If only more people watched Bill Burr...

Cause of Bill Burr, I've started winning arguments. He's right gents, Bob and Weave

This aged really well

I have a shitty temper and my wife also has one, so we agreed not to scream at our faces or even go over each other's voice when in close quarters. I appreciate a lot how much we both actually comply with it. Practical strategy simply works amazing. Even though we never had a physical discussion one can tell with our crappy tempers the best is too be conscious about it and create all possible barriers.

I was in a situation where I had no choice. It was my wife at the time. We got into an argument and she became very violent towards me in front of our kids. I didn't want my kids to see it so I tried to take them outside. My son was two years old at the time and she tried to snatch him away from me using a lot of force. She could have hurt him really bad. My gut reaction was to go into protective mode. I backhanded her and she slid half way across the house. She called the police and we both went to jail because we both had signs of an altercation on us. She took out a domestic violence order on me so to protect myself I took one out on her. When we finally went to court the judge looked at my ex and told her that I had the right and responsibility to protect my children from anyone including her. Dismissed my charge and asked me if I still wanted to press charges on her but I dropped them. If the situation were the same I would do it again but only to protect my children.

Lol I love the chick that screams “EVERYDAY”

This is my favorite bit. Not only did it get me hooked on burr, but it changed my life substantially in handling relationships. Love this guy

“ we’re talking about hitting women sweetheart , and I think you just added another reason “ 😭💀

OMG, I died when the woman in the audience yelled, "EVERYDAY!!!!" 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

“IM NOT EVEN IN A RELATIONSHIP WITH HER AND SHES NAGGING ME!” 🤣 bill ur the best!!!

The woman who said "EVERY DAY!" rescued the joke.

i always come back to this clip .....and it gets new everytime i watch it ....THIS IS GOLD

"Rub one out like a man, it's the champagne of victory" - GENIUS!

8:00 "Come home 'TUNA CASSEROLE!' and just start swingin.." 😂😂😂😂 I'm in tears

I wish I had the chance of standing next to this guy just so that I can hear him talk, I love his sense of humor so much 😂

“Take a knee and run out the clock” Best advice ever! 😂

Q:"Would you rather be right or would you rather be happy?" A: "Being right makes me happy, darlin"

If I'm ever in the court for hitting a woman, I want bill burr as my lawyer.

This is healing comedy at its best. Talking about things 90% of couples don't talk about, leading to 60% divorce rate and unhappy compromises of marriages of people too afraid to divorce.

I would never do it. Except. If she hits me first. Especially if she’s a stranger. If she hits me. She’s going down.

The headphones story is absolutely relatable. That shit is insane. Poke the bear like 10 times and then when the bear snaps they go, "Why are you so mad?" That or a similar stupid response.

"We're talking about hitting women sweetheart....and I think you just added another reason." Lol haha that was one of the best comebacks towards a heckler.

“EVERYDAAAAAYYY” had me dying

“It’s gonna fuckin rust”. This is the funniest moment of this entire segment by far, and there are a lot in here. I find myself watching those few seconds on repeat quite often.

Bill Burr is such a freak genius at wading into that gray area along the socially taboo and verboten and then just toying with that boundary in a hilarious way.

My mother is a Hispanic. She was beat and abused by my father. She left him eventually. However she tells me this... Don't ever hit a women. You're a man and you're much stronger. However if a girl thinks she can just hit you over and over again cause she is a girl and can get away with it or wants to fight you like a man then you fight her like a man. Don't let any female place their hands on you like that.

Bill Burr is funny ironic, truthful and wilfully self deprecating at the same time - that takes talent.

This is definitely one of my favorites from him. He brings up a lot of good points about one sided stories, and never asking questions when they need to be asked…. . Smart, smart man.

As a woman I can fully agree that there are many reasons to hit a woman

I can't put it into words how happy I am that somebody finally said it. I've had ex's literally throw my own mother's death back into my face during an argument. If I ever even came close to saying something like that to a female people would burn my house down. If we truly want to be equals we need to address both sides of the curtain.

He brings in a good point, asking questions and understanding what led to it in the first place is the first step towards ending it

"I'm starting to turn this franchise around" lol. Makes me bust out into laughter everytime!!

"Are you the idiot that walked in halfway through the special?" 😂 Imagine paying to watch a special and getting called out for your BS in front of the crowd.

“She’s not even in a relationship with me, and she’s nagging me!” 👍

This is his best set, by far my fav,

I think I’ve watched this 20+ times

When woman says she doesn't want to talk about it, she really does. When a MAN says he doesn't want to talk damnit he doesn't want to talk.

One important point that is rarely talked about is: Men are quite often victims of domestic violence, too. And women are quite often the abuser. In the 2 1/2 years I worked as a paramedic i saw 6 victims of domestic violence. 2 were women who were abused by men, one of them later died of her horrible injuries. 2 were a lesbian couple who had kicked the shit out of each other. 2 were men who were abused by women. One of these men had been draged straight out of a drug rehab facility by his girlfriend, forcefully filled up with vodka until he couldn't defend himself anymore and then repeatedly whiped with a powercord, burned and hit with a pressing iron and stabed in the leg with a screwdriver. Guess who got made fun of for beeing pathetic weeklings. Guess who has next to no safehouses and help programs to escape from the violence. This is just my personal observation and has no empirical value whatsoever! But I think any program about domestic violence, that concludes "Men shouldn't hit women" isn't addressing the whole problem.

that cauldron stirring at 10.25 killed me 🤣

"Just take a knee and run out the clock". Priceless, Grammy worthy advice.

“TUNA CASSEROLE!” I don’t why but it’s always that line that got me busting out laughing 💀💀😭😭😂😂😂

“Even hockey has 2 minutes for instigating” 😆

if it’s not a mutual decision, you shouldn’t throw hands

This is amazingly relevant now that the Depp vs. Heard case is ongoing.

The real comedy is the fact that we laugh more when something real and true is being said. This was as down to Earth true as possible and it was hillarious.

he's saying what we're thinking

One of the absolute best...EVER!

Perfect cut from that set.

Bill Burr Sur, on behalf of all Men the world over, we salute you

Rub one out. It's the champagne of victory! Brahh.. 😂😂😂😂😂

Bill is so right about the way women argue.

That heckler "answer him right" had me in stitches. @6:00

the woman yelling ANSWER HIM was the best way i seen somebody turn awkward crowd input into what i assume was a standing ovation

“itsGONNAfucKINGRUST”

1:33 this shout "every day!" always cracks me up

"Answer him right" woman got owned. 😂😂😂

I want to say, as a woman, I say yes that a woman can be hit ONLY if she attacks you first, same goes for a man. IF someone dares attack you first, you have every right to hit them back regardless of gender.

"Even hockey has 2 minutes for instigating" LMAO

The way he uses the mic stand to stir the cauldron is straight-up *chef's kiss*

Can opener gonna fu*king rust 😂😂😂

bill burr - "why can you only ask questions about what the guy did and not the woman, why is that?" the woman responded by saying "It's her Right", as in her right to not be asked questions. LMFAO so stupid.

Bill: "I just ghosted her" Every other Man on the planet: "I gotta tell ya, worked like a charm"

Thank you for opening up about this! Shines the light on the whole situation of NEVER asking for both sides of the story and instantly automatically assuming the Man is 100% guilty and the woman is innocent... Bullshit double-standard!

Take a knee and run out the clock! Brilliant line, and I'm going to be dropping hints of this so many times for work crap, the general toxic person out there, teaching my kids how to deal with their problems gracefully, etc.