I now realize that the moment I became HAPPY was when I stopped comparing myself to others and came to understand that what others think of me is just none of my business.

This presenter has a very warm and appealing voice and manner.

Who's watching at 20s... anyone in 2024?

I cried watching this and realized how short my life will be if it continues to be this way (I am 19). I will save this and watch it again to remind me how important relationships are.

I’m 61, married for 33 years, one daughter 25 years old. Went to college and worked my whole life. Planning to retire at the end of this year. Been lucky, worked hard, lived a good life, very few regrets....hope to be around for many more years. I am no expert but I can offer my thoughts for what they’re worth: pick your relationships based on decency and character, not flash; be prepared to work hard on improving yourself (relationships and education and physical self); live within your means; invest time and money on your health, family first; things don’t last but memories do; and always be thankful. I think as you get older, friends become more important. Good luck to all in finding your own happiness. 👍🏼👍🏼

That explains why we are happier as children. The bond u had with your friends were the best times of your life

The choice of occupation obviously plays a huge part in happiness. True story. A patient once asked his psychiatrist, 'What makes people happy? What is common amongst the happiest people that you know'? The psychiatrist unhesitatingly replied , 'Those who waited in some cases up to 10 years after high school before deciding on a career path. In the meantime they traveled, performed odd jobs, found out their strengths and weaknesses, what they liked and didn't like, ultimately deciding only then what they wanted to do with their lives. The unhappiest people were those who didn't wait and chose a profession because of parental pressure or for other reasons.'

I’m 21, still super young but this video left me a message! A true life lesson. Thank you for this🤝🏼!!

Being in a good relationship starts not just finding a good person it starts with being a good person.

The pandemic has taught me to appreciate what I have: a nice home, places to walk by the sea and countryside, friends and family, my health, my books. I am trying to be grateful and appreciative every day for these great privileges.

Thank you for this Ted Talk. I am almost 70. I’m a retired middle school media teacher, mother, grandmother, wife, friend. Evaluating my life after listening to you, I have to agree with you completely. Stable, loving, long lasting relationships are the joys in my life. I am hosting a family reunion in a week. This reunion brings me more joy than planning a vacation. ❤

Some quotes that I really needed to hear... "The good life is built with good relationships" "Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period." "It's not just the number of friends you have, and it's not whether or not you're in a committed relationship, but it's the quality of your close relationships that matters."

I'm 18, and I'm thankful to gain this knowledge at such a young age.

This is so true. Here in Japan we have one of the highest suicide rates. We are working 24-7 to chasing money, we are on our phones and computers watching internet, there’s very little socializing and no real connection with anybody. Our society has become sick and lost.

I wish i had heard of you and this Ted Talk when i was in my 20's - i grew up in dysfunction - losing my Mom in Dec 22' i had to face my reality - im slowly working on being a better friend a better daughter im 58 now no man in my life - i want very much to have true love but its working on me to get there i have to be happy and healthy first

I do totally agree with what this man told us on this video . I 'm nearly 70 years old, and I do really deeply think, that a good reationship with people you meet all along your life, keeps you healthy , helps you to carry on appreciate being older and older , and makes you happier and happier .

These TED TALKS.. are worth watching in this time of pandemic.

Old man here. Stunningly good talk. And 100% true. I spent so much of my time when I was younger working hard and worrying about our finances. And I am glad we worked hard and planed for the future. But I am more glad my wife and I also took time for each other and for our two sons. We did everything together. Sports, vacations, weekend outings, reading books out loud, praying together. Now my joy is spending time with my lovely wife, and our weekly calls with our grown sons who are still close to us. I wish everyone could experience the joy of being loved and understood.

This was the biggest advice I have been given so far. Thank you so much for sharing this valuable research with us. You changed at least one life for sure: mine.

This just proves how connected we all are and that the true purpose of life is learning to connect and draw lessons from/with each other. I really long for more close fulfilling relationships and hope that I’ll have a strong network of people around me as I grow older.

This guy is the best ted talker ever because he is sincere and humble

Money won't buy you happiness, but the lack of it can buy you misery.

I am a 26 year old Millennial and this was a golden nugget. Thank you for this

This is one of the best talks I have heard: simple, honest and extremely useful for everyone.

I'm 14 years old and was thinking l didn't need to care about human relationships. But after listening to this lesson, I decided to cherish them. Thank you very much.

This gentleman has a very soothing voice.

watching this really struck a chord in me. i have been lonely throughout most of my life. When im lonely and alone, the only thing i can think about is wishing i had friends with me or a girlfriend, more than anything. I grew up in a small, isolated, secular family. i had a sister i didnt get along with well, and had little in common with. My parents have been very supported of me, but i have shamefully been mistreating them all my life, and wasting so much opportunity right in front of me. The reasons i have been mistreating them and being unkind to them are extremely complicated psychologically and i have never been able to articulate it. The rest of my extended family, for some reason i will never truly understand, have lived far away from my family, so i rarely see them, always less than a handful of times a year. but when they visited, or i visited them, i found that i became happier and had more energy and had a reason to get out of bed in the morning. I was so happy when i got to play with my cousins. I loved them so much, but i only got to see them not more than 3 or 4 times a year. This isolation that i have had from my extended family throughout my life has been devastating to me. What has also been devastating to me is the lack of connection i had with other kids in school and in high school. I had no friends in high school, and in middle school and elementary school, many of the relationships i had with other kids lacked strong connections, and i never felt like i truly belonged to a larger friend group. when i am alone and lonely, i am dead inside. I am anxious. I dont do many activities because being alone cuts you off from so much of the world. I have never been in a relationship, and i have always wished and fantasized about being in one. when i am alone and lonely, i cut myself off from people around me, and make it impossible to make friends. Loneliness causes so many different negative things on me that i could write on and on about that. but when i socially connect with someone, i completely change. i become talkative, and energetic, and laugh a lot, and feel much happier. the happiest times in my life are the times i had fun with people, not things. my lonely personality and my socially connected personality are worlds apart from each other. from my experience, i could not agree more with this mans incredible ted talk and this incredible study. Thankfully i do have some great friends now who i don't see often enough, but i am now more motivated than ever to talk to people more and maybe just put down the anti-social phone habit for once.

Fantastic talk. Couldn’t agree more that healthy, quality relationships are a key fundamental to a healthy life and overall wellbeing. Likewise toxic relationships are a killer to the soul producing unnecessary violations. At 62 I’m still working on this because it’s so essential and valuable to a contented life.... Period!

Well here’s the question: how can we have a good relationship with others? Some people are so lucky that they are born in a family full of love. For those who weren’t, Loving themselves and other people, creating a good relationship seem so much harder...

My beloved grandfather died at 98, he has been a widower since he was 42. He never remarried, but he lived a life of hard work, always trying to be of help for his friends. He died remembering his lost wife, but never complaining about bad things of life. I still remember his teachings and his strength like they are etched in stone.

Wowww thank you soo much for this eye opening message❤️ Too often we think that we have eternity on this earth but our time really is so short. While it is so short, let’s spend our time laughing, loving, and nurturing good relationships❤️ I wish everyone a happy and joyful life!

Successful people don't become that way overnight. What most people see at a glance-wealth, a great career, purpose-is the result of hard work and hustle over time.

Wow, that is actually very true. Now I know exactly what has been causing my depression recently, the lack of social interaction. And to my surprise, I noticed that even though I haven't achieved anything great in my life yet, socialising more with my family members and close friends can greatly brighten up my mood and make me much more happier and satisfied with the day I had.

"The best change I ever made in my life was cutting off all of the toxic and negative people in it and stopped trying to make them happy!" That's good idea!

This brings a tear to my eyes... felt every word he said. Resonates well to everyone even to the audience there I guess. Life truths indeed.

It took me six years to watch this master piece. Hope youtube recommends it to everyone soon and make their lives happy and meaningful.

The 1st 'good' relationship is with yourself

This study is a reminder that social connection is critical to our physical and emotional health. It's particularly important during this Covid-19 pandemic.

I'm 15 and just acknowledged that it's a really good advice. I hope I can see myself comeback to this video some day and write down the change!

Listening to Waldinger's talk makes me think about our endless obsession with material goods, as many of us oftentimes associate them with fame, success and happiness. However, the "happiness" we obtain through them is meaningless, momentary and empty, completely unlike the happiness we gain through connecting with our friends and family. They are what matters the most to us. The nature to grow and nurture our relationships is deep in our soul, and it is only through establishing high-quality relationships can we not merely be a surviving human being, but a truly living individual :)

To me happiness is being grateful, feeling content. No, I don't want to be rich; I just need being self sufficient. I live in a developing country and see poverty wherever I go. It is such a great feeling sharing with these people. They smile all the time, and very kind and friendly. They make me realize that maybe in life you just need being enough. Enough food, money, have a shelter, etc. It is so simple. I have my ups and much downs, but I can't stop loving life no matter what.

When he says relationships, he means every human relations, not only married couples

I’ve never been so touched but any speeches like this.. amazing

I am 19 and I never comment nor watch long ted talks but this one is very interesting to the point i had to listen and finish it. Praying for everyone to have a good and healthy relationship and love doing simple things with their love ones cos life is too short ❤️

"Yesterday is history , Tomorrow is a mystery , but now is gift , That's why is Called present " -Master Oogway

6:12 Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. 3 lessons: 6:27 Social connections are good, loneliness kills. 7:20 Quality of your close relationships matters. 9:05 Good relationships protect our bodies and brains.

i love this TED Talk. i keep rewatching 5x a year.

You are really the inspiration Ted. Thank you for sharing your dedication and wisdom to the world of us. Thank you Ted! God bless you Ted.

Good relationships are all I've ever wanted. It's the best feeling in the world to meet a likeminded person you can spend time with and just be happy together.

1. Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. 2. Quality of close relationships. 3. Good relationships protects our brain.

Thank you so much for this TED conference! Now as an young adult, I realized I was missing some of many of important things of my life.

One of the best ever talks I have ever listened to in my life and maybe one of the best ever research studies conducted by Harvard. Appreciation, thanks, and gratitude to the whole team for such a useful, dedicated, and consistent study :) :)❤❤🙏🙏

The best change I ever made in my life was cutting off all of the toxic and negative people in it and stopped trying to make them happy. Some not entirely, I now just keep a safe distance from them. At that same time, leaving my decent paying job I absolutely hated after getting out of debt. I'm making considerably less, but in a positive work environment with just enough responsibility. I don't owe anyone a thing. In Ontario, that is becoming unheard of. I spend most of my free time now volunteering at the local youth group and taking Karate, what a rewarding experience.

It's better to live alone, than being in a relationship with toxic people.

What a beautiful and profound presentation. Thank you to Professor Waldinger, and thank you to TED for recording and sharing this with us

It's amazing how I always felt that invisible thing! I truly appreciate you all 💖🙏

This study is absolutely amazing. Why is humanity not doing more of this stuff?

Life is like the internet, it’s best when you have good connections!

I have always admired the clear speakers and I bow to this man that how clearly and effortlessly he give me a great view of a better life and help me to grow from some customery beliefs I had about life. Thanks a lot sir❤️

I salute all the researchers for being curious in searching for the answers for what makes life good and for dedicating so much time and effort into this longitudinal study. This study is bigger than any one of us and will go down (and partly already has gone down) as a very significant development in understanding human happiness. It strengthens the essential fact in psychology that we need eachother to not only feel good, but to survive. I mean I'm still young (19 years at the time of writing this comment), but lately I've been pondering alot about regret and how to make this life count. I believe I may have come to the intervention that there's more to life than being on the top of your career, being well known and having all the materialistic things that one might think that would make them "successful". These aforementioned things might play a part in having some sort of safety or momentaneous satisfaction, but it's not a recipe for long lasting joy. It's having good people you love around that makes all this worth it. "There isn't time - so brief is life - for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account. there is only time for loving - & but an instant, so to speak, for that." Mark Twain really tugging on the heartstrings.

Conclusion: Good life is built with relationships I am only 16yrs of age and Ive realised what works for me is a good relationship with myself first

My father often calls greedy people miserable. When I was young I didn't fully understand the connection, but having 'grown up' I have witnessed how sad and miserable mean people are.

This video is so good we agree with you. Quality relationships are the most important thing in life. One of the best ted talk i've ever heard

Absolutely true! Thank you for making that so clear!

This actually makes a lot of sense. I have often wondered why depression and other mental illnesses seemed more prevelant in the west / developed countries. It didn’t make sense. Having been raised in the second most populous country in the world, where simply living is a lifelong struggle, it seemed very strange that people who had a comfortable life would actually want to kill themselves for ANY reason. But now, this video puts everything in perspective. Many developing Asian, Latin American and African countries may be dirt poor but the social cohesion is still very strong. People may live in poverty and struggle to feed themselves, but they usually don’t suffer from depression in the same numbers or in the same way as lonely people from rich countries do. This also explains why depression and suicidal tendencies seem to become more common lately... especially amongst young people. In this age of curated life memories, virtual friends and me-me-me culture, I believe, young people are struggling to form authentic and meaningful relationships with others. Attention spans are getting shorter and the fear of missing out is preventing people from forming bonds that are just a result of spending time together sharing conversations, memories, etc. I feel that this is at the root of the modern day explosion in mental health issues and unless we fix the root cause, pills are not going to make them any better.

Great talk. Made me think of my grandmother. She was very lonely throughout the last part of her life. Then she had a stroke and ended up in the nursing home. Then Covid happened and we saw her even less. She died the summer of 2020. As busy as I was when she was alive, nothing served as a good excuse to not give her an hour or so of time each week. It probably would’ve meant the world to her, even if it was a small gesture on my part. How I regret now that I wasn’t more mindful of her loneliness then.

It’s amazing to know how the relationships are important for us. I always give so much value for my time with my friend and with people I love.

Now this is research that makes the world a better place.

This video changed my life years ago... I’m so grateful to have learned what really matters in life

When you seek happiness for yourself, it will always elude you. When you seek happiness for others, you will find it for yourself.

All I deeply want is to be kind to each other while interacting,it's not about you, it's about us :)

What a beautiful and simple truth that we forget. Thanks for the reminder.

Always be compassionate towards others and happiness will follow you like shadow.

At age 58, I fit the definition of schizoid, loner, introverted, & philophobic. I have very little social value to share with others. I never enjoy socializing. I only feel lonely when around other people. But I enjoy my own company & can honestly say that I wouldn't change places with anyone else. I believe your theory that socializing is good for most people. Not for everyone though. The fact that some will think I am lying makes me realize even more how fortunate I am that I don't have to be around them.

It was one of the most incredible speeches I have ever listened to, thanks a lot.

Thank you Robert Werbinger for sharing this wonderful message from your study. It gave me a lot to reflect on and the need to readjust certain things when it comes to relationships going forward. Thank you once again... I'll do better and be better.

this perfectly explains why my happiness seems to increase when i left the states. I lived 30 years in the states chasing the American Dream via the rat race only to become burnt out, stressed and angry. Once I left for Asia, I automatically sensed a social unity that I never experienced back in the states. Despite the poverty, the social openness and hospitality of the people enabled me to experience happiness in which i seldom experience back in the states where narcissism and independent pride run amok. Its no wonder America has so many shooting rampages, the culture is inauthentic and goes against our spiritual nature

Thank you for this, I´m not in a good place mentally. I have been isolating myself for many years. I am 21 and this video helped me broke my isolation. I contacted a girl I like and we talked for an hour on the phone. I'm planning to meet one of my closest friends and I am seeing another person that has shared physical intimacy with me. After just watching the video, already only the thought of contacting people and opening up to them helped me gather strength and motivation. Also I had no distinct dream job or plan for my career, I thought to study civil engineering only of logical points. I would definitely be employed and would have good pay but now I´m thinking about helping other people in similar situations. Who knows if I will go that route but even without that this was important video for me and I think I will say, that watching this video was a major turning point for me. Once again thank you for making the world a better place.

My life is forever changed after watching this video. Thank you for this!🥺💛

Glad to hear this video, it was a great piece of inspiration to continue to build up relationships and find new ones that will ultimately be fulfilling for the long term!

He is giving advice to adult people but I am 16 and am glad I got to know this.

4 and a half years later, youtube recommended me this and to be honest, I needed this more than ever....

Sensacional! This speech has an impact that will forever be etched in my memory.

This TED talk changed my life for the better. Thank you 👍❤

Yes, for those of us who are workaholics, this brings tears - and recognition that it is the truth

6:12 the clearest message that we get from 75 year study is this: good relationships keep us healthier and happier. Period. first , social connections are really good for us. and loneliness kills. People who are more socially connected , to family, to friends, to community, are happier, healthier and live longer. secondly, it is the quality of those relationship that matters. Living in the midst of good warm relationships is protective. thirdly, good relationships protect our bodies and brains. securely attached who feels they can count on the other one, have a better memories. Leaning into relationships. people time, do something new together, Long walks and date nights, reach out to that family member.

I love TED talks and this is one of my favorites

This is one of the best videos i've ever seen in this platform, thanks.

I have to say that meeting my wife and letting go of my issues into her love has brought a light to my life that I can't describe without tears streaming down. The sheer happiness and joy that I feel from deep within every day that we welcome each other home is something I deeply hope that YOU will get to experience. But to get to this point, please take a good look at yourself and let go of issues that keep you from opening your heart to the ones you love. The amount of love you get back will blow your mind into your heart.

After watching the whole video, I agree 100% percent..... Family, good relationships and being social is so important for our health.

Great content. Delivered with simplicity, honesty and warmth/genuine feeling.

Please keep up the good work ❤️ dedication from people like you help us stay healthy and happy. Understanding how we can improve ourselves and lives.

My 17-year-old naive self would have scoffed at this. Now, at 20, after going through a host of personal struggles and getting a taste of the real world, all I can think about is how incredibly fortunate I am to have people in my life who genuinely want to understand and love me. And who I can count on to stick with me through thick and thin, while also having lots of fun with. Thank you for reminding us of this age-old wisdom, Sir. Beautiful talk!🧡

It could be the other way around. Happy people have good relationships.

I really like the way he speaks, it's very easy to understand and his demeanor is very deep but still relaxed

Highly fascinating lecture. Saw it many times already. Wish you made a new one up to date of near 2022. Thanks.

I really liked this talk. It made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. It's something so blatantly obvious, but so easy to forget.

this guy has such a calming and gentle voice

I have read about this study and I was impressed. I have used it in my conversations with people. I am glad I found it here at TED🙏

Amazing speech. I feel so surprised about how important relationships are. Thank you so much. I hope you always be happy in your life.