What is meant by "Authenticity"?: Gabor Maté

Рік тому

You can watch all our videos at scienceandnonduality.com
"I can't prescribe, nor should anyone prescribe for anyone else what their authenticity should look like, but for most people, it's going to be shining in a number of different dimensions."
-Dr. Gabor Maté
SAND hosted a Live Q&A with Gabor Maté as part of the 'Reclaiming Authenticity' course. Here SAND co-founder Zaya Benazzo poses the question, "what do you mean by Authenticity?" from that live Q&A.
You can watch this Q&A along with nine other modules of live Q&A's with Gabor Maté from the Wisdom of Trauma European Tour.
Modules include:
Beliefs : How do our beliefs keep us stuck?
Children : How to create authentic relationships with our children?
Emotions : Exploring the story behind your feelings
Healing : Is it possible to heal individually in the midst of collective trauma?
Parents : Modern-day challenges for parents in a peer-oriented world
Psychedelics : What are the healing properties of different psychedelics?
Psychosomatics : Understanding the true meaning of illness
Society : Uncovering the Myth of Normal
Trauma : Understanding the wounds within us
➡️ Enroll here: thewisdomoftrauma.com/reclaim...
Science and Nonduality is a community inspired by timeless wisdom, informed by cutting-edge science, and grounded in direct experience. We come together in an open-hearted exploration while celebrating our humanity.

КОМЕНТАРІ: 93

@kavbee Рік тому

My entire life I have not been authentic and boy have I suffered( and still am) for it. Lately, after listening to Gabor Maté, I have been learning to say no, I've done it a couple times and boy did it feel good and I was so proud of myself. Thank you!

@TheCuteRibbon1 11 місяців тому

You go girl❤ (or person😂❤) My first word as a kid was a clear and enunciated „NO“. I am now learning to reclaim this word. All the best on your journey🙏🏻🌅🌌

@ruthgrace4965 11 місяців тому

Never too late to be what you might have been, George Eliot

@It_Always_Is 11 місяців тому

Well done

@BradChandlerIII 6 місяців тому

Good job!❤❤❤

@michaelnice93 2 місяці тому

I have been authentic almost all my life (with some exceptions) and I have had a blessed life. My trouble comes around attachment. I don’t really feel like I can form attachment bonds with hardly anyone (again with a few exceptions) though I have bunch of solid relationships. It’s painful to live without love, but I wouldn’t trade love for authenticity.

@philippedefossez3421 10 місяців тому

“Being cut off from our own natural self-compassion is one of the greatest impairments we can suffer. Along with our ability to feel our own pain go our best hopes for healing, dignity and love. What seems nonadapative and self-harming in the present was, at some point in our lives, an adaptation to help us endure what we then had to go through. If people are addicted to self-soothing behaviours, it's only because in their formative years they did not receive the soothing they needed. Such understanding helps delete toxic self-judgment on the past and supports responsibility for the now. Hence the need for compassionate self-inquiry.” - Gabor Maté, in "In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction". This man deserves a Nobel Prize for his work.

@steffibaker6121 11 місяців тому

He answered all the questions I had about the meaning of authentic!

@terencehennegan1439 11 місяців тому

Things go right when we’re authentic.

@Magnificent-it2tk 10 місяців тому

Every time I notice, I feel so fake, I’m sick of myself, or better say the non self. Thank you Gabor, your wisdom and compassionate approach is most helpful in this earthquake like process I’m intensely in.

@mariellarobles3372 4 місяці тому

Since my thirties I have tried to be myself and be sure of what I want and what I'm feeling and the more truthful I am the more peace I experienced .

@gailk0210 5 місяців тому

Just what I need to do..find myself again..gotten so sick from over stress..lost the sight in my one eye..battling with my other eye..yes time to pay attention and find myself again❤

@melissadd7597 4 місяці тому

I like when Gabor says authenticity over attachment. He recognizes attachment is an innate human need, BUT if you are not acting authentic and know yourself, then we are susceptible to attaching to a very unhealthy thing (person or substance or action). Authenticity 1st is the goal!!

@ymsrm 8 місяців тому

Thank you Gabor, I finally understood what authenticity mean & am sure this will improve my lives.

@zenlotus4peace 11 місяців тому

Gabor🎉 thank you!

@wun2ka4 7 місяців тому

I stumbled on this by chance! And I was lucky. He nails it . ..repeating it in my words. .to know your authentic self, pay attention to the times when your choices cause you to get unsettled from the inside....and as you pay attention, avoid judging yourself, but use the opportunity to think deeply about the 'what exactly,' and 'why' of that unsettling feeling!! Thanks!! This video deserves waaaaaay more views..like in the millions!

@neilmurphy966 7 місяців тому

Thanks for summarising it like that.. that's helped me make sense of the concept 😊

@livingareallifeabroad7588 9 місяців тому

I bleddy love you Gabor 🤗

@yukio_saito Рік тому

Things always went very wrong when I ignored authentic self. I learned the hard way.😥

@IAn0nI Рік тому

There is no self

@dmystfy 11 місяців тому

@@IAn0nIthere is. It’s your ego

@IAn0nI 11 місяців тому

@@dmystfy there is no such existent thing as an "ego" intrinsically. Through ignorance you are reifying a story and believing in it as if it has inherent reality.

@neilmurphy966 7 місяців тому

@@IAn0nI there's the soul, that's a self, that experiences things uniquely and spiritually

@IAn0nI 7 місяців тому

@@neilmurphy966 doesn't inherently exist. Another belief through ignorance.

@Edelhynes 4 місяці тому

All my life I have not being authentic always saying to just please others, thank you gabor for letting me understand

@maiqueashworth 11 місяців тому

Great.. I made myself extremely ill by trying to make people happy. It's a difficult habit to break. I've noticed in myself and other people how we end up getting angry when we're asked to do things because we've already done so much and we are on the edge, and the other person simply doesn't recognise that. I think the opposite is assertiveness where you're able to express yourself in a calm way without getting angry. Takes some practice. Especially with people you feel have been using you.

@sandrarechberger4040 8 місяців тому

Absolutely well said.

@neilmurphy966 7 місяців тому

I think it's ok also to show some anger if people have been mistreating you..to some reasonable extent not excessive but anger is human too.. even if shows just for short while then fades and burns out lol

@Californiansurfer Рік тому

Thank you. Downey library. Frank Martinez ❤❤❤❤❤

@Mina55007 9 місяців тому

“You Authentic Self.” Don’t let anything define you.

@carolinejamieson1402 11 місяців тому

This would solve so much .

@mjinba07 11 місяців тому

Entirely possible to be authentic while sacrificing a bit for others. As long as you know how you really feel and what your reasons are for not indulging your own interests or preferences. 'Oh, ok, I'm not in the mood for this right now but I'll choose to do it because...' It's not always a betrayal of the self. We are social creatures and that's every bit as much a part of our authenticity. In teaching about sexual abuse, we emphasize that if you can't say no, you also can't honestly say yes. I think the same applies with our authenticity in general. But a world where everyone is always socially "authentic" about their own interests is a world I wouldn't want to live in.

@ruthgrace4965 11 місяців тому

Doing something as a sacrifice can be authentic because you know it's for the greater , it's when we can't develop healthy attachment as children and become mature adults later on it's not a sacrifice you can make

@mjinba07 11 місяців тому

@@ruthgrace4965 Yes. And if we're giving in order to get something back - approval, acceptance, etc. - or out of habitual denial of self, or to fulfill an obligation, it's not sacrifice at all. The trick is knowing who you are and how you really feel, and what motivates your act of giving.

@ruthgrace4965 11 місяців тому

@@mjinba07 sometimes you sacrifice BC it's the right thing to do , and everything is about giving and receiving in the world , Jesus gave his life so we can have life but he knew he would rise again but not to stay here

@mjinba07 11 місяців тому

@@ruthgrace4965 Regardless of religious beliefs, when giving is genuinely done in love or in service to what's right, it's sacred business. The trick is being honest with ourselves. Not everyone can do that. Example - I'm doing what's "right" because it's how I think things should be, but this is actually just my urge to control the outcome. When it doesn't work I feel let down. Example - I'm expressing "love" in my "sacrifice" but deep down what I want is for that person to love me back... or to be seen as loving... When that doesn't happen I feel lonely. All that said, we're only human and our motives are not usually so pure. We're all on a learning curve!

@ruthgrace4965 11 місяців тому

@@mjinba07 yes certainly we are on a learning curve. I rely on my advice from my creator when to be sacrifical as I can get it wrong , it's great to be able to hear from someone who knows everything so can give satisfaction and peace even if the person or thing doesn't work exactly the way you want , sometimes God actually tells you what the outcomes will be if you trust him . Also the word you reap what you sow is a good indication of wat you receive but again you need to know what to sow into to , bless you

@mubikarimjanovnabob8779 7 місяців тому

So truee Dr. GABOR I havent been authentic for 29 years at all always pleasingbpeople never connected to my body emotions to my gut feelings even i was always feeling responsible for other people and their moods and pain leavibg and abandoning myself

@Talk2Rock 8 місяців тому

Unfortunately being authentic for me has lead to being abandoned. I know that it was for my own good but it just doesn’t feel that way right now. Trying not to live in the past but it’s so difficult when you wake up one day and realize that you’re alone. I never thought about that. The possibility of ending up alone in my later years…. I’m blessed with a wonderful job and I’m grateful every day but it doesn’t change the fact that I come home to no one. I never expected it. There must be a good reason why so onward with the journey…😌

@gailbrevittlenton6667 3 місяці тому

Wishing you all the best. I feel like I can empathise with you on this, as I am finding myself in a very similar situation.

@lovedblessed1681 17 днів тому

🙏🏼

@blakeaaron5698 Рік тому

I disagree with one point; that humans are the only creatures to trade authenticity for attachment. It it obvious to me that many animals (especially domesticated ones, but not exclusively) are conditioned to behave in certain ways in order to maintain their attachments and be accepted by their companions and/or social groups. Even in the wild, this is clearly observable. It's a predicament we all must manage.

@alessandraalchemia3863 Рік тому

What you’re talking about is behaviours that are harmful vs helpful… for example, we teach our children and raise them to be socially acceptable individuals by making sure they behave in socially acceptable ways of not hitting or touching another in a harmful way. That’s different than a parent who suppresses a child’s authentic nature… either in interests or emotional expression. Authenticity is when we express ourselves in our most genuine heartfelt condition. Our true real selves at the core. Sometimes certain people will not allow you to express your full self bc of their insecurities.

@davidr321 Місяць тому

I feel anxiety when connecting with others. I want to be more authentic.

@yeahnah252 7 місяців тому

My only problem with this is sometimes it's not about what you are feeling at the time Raul calls for a coffee. Maybe Raul is going thru something, maybe you don't realise in the moment you 'connect with your gut' that u actually do need to give up a little of your time cos it might help you. I don't see how sacrificing (sometimes!) a little of your time makes you less authentic. This is the difference between now is not a good time and is this small inconvenience harming me?

@YOU-niter 4 місяці тому

Never forget that magic happens when you are your authentic self, your YOUniqueness is your divinity. It’s who you were born to be..

@TheoInart Рік тому

🌀

@ricos1497 Рік тому

I don't quite understand the example. There are plenty of times when I was tired and didn't feel like meeting up with someone. I recognised it, went anyway, and ended up enjoying myself authentically and glad I pushed through what was only a temporary feeling based on the time of day or having just eaten or whatever. I'm not sure at what point the inauthenticity appears in the video's example. I'm either missing something or it's a poor example!

@EnsoReloaded Рік тому

Well, he didn't say that there can't be good outcomes from inauthentic decisions🙂I'd agree, however, that his example is somewhat ambiguous. I think what he meant was: If you don't want to do X (for a good reason) but you do it anyway ONLY because you want to please someone else, this would be inauthentic.

@ricos1497 Рік тому

@@EnsoReloaded aye, it's the ambiguity that's the issue, you're right. That hits the problem better than I did. However, I think that wanting to please someone else can also be authentic. Sacrificing your own happiness for that of someone else's is only as inauthentic as your desire to see someone else happy. For me, inauthenticity arises from the ego. It's when you purchase something that you don't need, you repeat a one liner without crediting its source (or at least that it wasn't your own), that you pretend to care for a cause that deep down you have no real connection to. That sort of thing. I guess inauthenticity has many forms.

@MariaAyub-ma-sentient24 Рік тому

I think this applies mostly to the most important decisions one makes in life, not so much on the vagaries of everyday life where one just doesn't have energy or is not in the mood to do something at some point or the other. The example he gave about writing a blurb for someone's book, I can understand, because it does take time to read a book and if you are not up to it, you are not going to bother and that is being authentic. So it has to be something significant.

@katsong3302 Рік тому

pleasing was, for me, safety. if pleased, the parents didn’t beat me. so, inauthentic yet necessary.

@maryannribble3254 Рік тому

The good or pleasure able experience ; where on has to push away another part of self ( being tired and not really feeling social in that moment) has a price that over time has pain producing consequences … the key is to be able to be aware of ; to be compassionate and nurture / nourish All of one’s parts that show up in a dilemma or mixed situation …❤

@MariaAyub-ma-sentient24 11 місяців тому

A good movie to watch for a debate on this issue is A MAN CALLED OTTO. Is he (the main character in the movie) being authentic by being an SOB, or does he realizes that one needs to move on and be a better person? Life can turn you into a neurotic person and you maybe feel authentic in how you feel, but where does it end?

@cee7105 11 місяців тому

It could mean other areas need addressing. Being your authentic self is not without flaws. Maybe that's the second chapter in a whole host of work we need to improve on.

@EllaSqueaks Рік тому

Would be good if he could sometimes use the term for not being authentic; Fawning.

@smooth_pursuit Рік тому

I would say fawning is a subset of inauthenticity

@katsong3302 Рік тому

fawning is an authentic response to repeated violence, hiding for safety.

@denise2169 Рік тому

What is more important - word choice or meaning? I totally understand what Maté is saying.

@SacredDaily Рік тому

I think there is more to fawning than being inauthentic. Fawning is authentic in the sense of one attempting to protect oneself or gain love … I understand what you mean, too, though.

@IAn0nI Рік тому

Bing bing ning nong.

@arrow1042 9 місяців тому

Have you ever found yourself promising to yourself to be authentic then the next day, you're still lost in the crowd?

@christinabroadhead3810 Рік тому

I wonder what he means by "shining in a number of dimensions"?

@Howell-Gift 10 місяців тому

damm !why so few translations for us poor french people with poor level english? 😪

@_egghead 8 місяців тому

Wow, now I know why I hated myself. Because wasn't being authentic.

@bossmoves1783 Місяць тому

3:33 6.00

@drendelous Рік тому

why is there so little of him lately?

@MangoNizer Рік тому

Because he's authentic! 🙂

@jessicastewart42 Рік тому

I know! I can't get enough of what this man has to say and the work he is doing, I absolutely love it , wish more people would take the time to listen to what he is saying!

@MariaAyub-ma-sentient24 Рік тому

He is probably doing something else that he enjoys.

@dianesilva1078 11 місяців тому

This reminds me of when Meghan, Duchess of Sussex said she wasn't going to the King's Coronation because it would be 'inauthentic' Good for her.

@rsn1660 11 місяців тому

Then why did she married into royalty knowing it well? She is not authentic but a narcissist

@claudiamanta1943 3 місяці тому

There was a time- most of my life- when I was kind. Not unaware, not meek, just making an effort to be polite, to be a decent person because I know how it feels to be treated like shit or just harshly. It was a fucking choice I am no longer willing to make. A pointless sacrifice. So, now I don’t give a shit anymore and tell it as it is. Still authentic but, fucking hell, I’ve got more labels than an old well travelled suitcase. Is it pleasant? No. But I’ve reached the point of ‘I don’t give a fuck anymore’. This, too, is pointless. Morons will be morons. Lazy will be lazy. Liars will be liars. Animals will be animals.

@dottiebaker6623 11 місяців тому

Ah, but when you are authentic, being true to your innate self confidence, intelligence and extensive knowledge of something (after 55 years) and you are a woman, people don't like that. It doesn't fit with their idea of what a woman should be. So you can be authentic and lonely or tone it down a bit and have some company. I'm not saying don't be yourself, I'm saying know and value who you are, but don't show it all to people who cant take it.