“Cheating is not because you want to find someone different. It’s because you want to BE someone different.” 😵

Everyone is tempted. Character is how you respond to that temptation. It is a moral choice based in honor.

Thank goodness for people like Esther Perel, smart, emotionally intelligent and, most importantly, not afraid to challenge the norms and expectations of generations of people raised with ideals that just do not fit in our modern emotional world.

You know how to stop a partner from cheating? Don't have a partner. Works 100% of the time.

It does not matter how special you make your partner feel..if your partner is not happy with him or herself they will never be happy with just one person..This is why they just keep looking for what they feel they are missing..

You cannot stop anyone from cheating and it's not your responsibility to do so - it's theirs.

"Secrets. Violation of an agreement." "It isnt that you want to leave your person, it is that you want to leave the person that you have become." She is brilliant.

There is nothing you can do to prevent someone from cheating. It’s about who they are. Their character, loyalty or commitment to you, period.

you know how to stop your partner from cheating? choose someone who values loyalty as much as you.

The way to become “another self” is not through cheating/flirting with others, but through self-development and self-awareness.

That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him or her so you just dealt with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one-- living and seeing him everyday anticipating when will he or she do it again. Your videos are incredibly well done. No critique, thanks for doing this *brian hacks online*

Mine cheated for 38 years from day one. I'm free now, so happy I cry.

I'm in a relationship with the gym, we always seem to workout

Cheating on a good person is like throwing away a diamond and picking up a rock

How does a married person with children get past those commitments enough to cheat? I've never understood this. Even when I was really struggling in my relationship with my husband, I couldn't cheat on my children! It wasn't fair for them to be dragged into a terrible storm I would have created if I had cheated. I am so happy that I was faithful to my family. My husband and I got through the rough times and now we're so happy and our relationship is stronger than ever. We stayed faithful to our family and it has made all the difference. I didn't always see it, but now I see that my husband is my perfect match. He is another version of myself because of his loyalty and commitment to our family. The best relationships come after years of working together and loving and supporting each other through hard times.

If you are not happy just leave the relationship. There is no justification for cheating. If you are in a relationship you accept the boundaries. If you can’t respect boundaries then don’t enter into a relationship.

This guest is extraordinarily well spoken.

When I was a child about 6 or 7, my mom and dad divorced because he was having cheating behind her back. They had a terrible fight which I barely remember. When I got older about 15 or 16, I understood better what had happened. I made an early promise to myself that I would finish a relationship before I started another one. I understood that when one cheats, it hurts at least 3 people where there are no children and if you add children, you count each child as being hurt. That's also why I want trust in my relationships. It goes both ways. If I cheat, I lost her trust in me. If she cheats, I can't trust her. Anyways, I'm in a good relationship and happily married for 18 years.

"There is no greater other than a different version of yourself." Wow. How true. She has wisdom.

I'm truly impressed that she mentioned the Chinese word of Crisis. She is incredibly intelligent and I really found comfort listening to her opinions.

I laughed really hard when she said “the leftovers that you bring home”. She’s smart 😅😂😂🤣

She's right on point with the part about the lie. . . As soon as the lies start, about the time/relationship you're spending/ having with someone who is not your partner. . . YOU'RE CHEATING!

- Interviewer: this is how you stop your partner from cheating - Relationship's Expert: you can't

Only half way through this and this woman is already the smartest person I have ever heard of when speaking about relationship. Wow!

"I rather come from a broken home, than to live in one!"

As Joni Mitchell said so well “ If you want endless repetition, see a lot of different people. If you want infinite variety, stay with one. What happens when you date is you run all your best moves & tell all your best stories - &, in a way, that routine is a method for falling in love with yourself over & over” .

Once you cross that boundary and seek emotional connection and validation from another person it’s a choice that will forever change a partnership. You can’t love and respect your marriage if you’re enjoying the attention and validation from the opposite sex.

I have watched and listened to many interviews of this Dr. She is a very interesting and intelligent women. She really explains things well and talks about both sides of an affair and cheating.

The grass is greener where you water it

Emotional intelligence at genius level.

I love and respect this lady... I could listen to her all day 💯💕she knows what she is talking about

I could listen to Esther for hours, learning sooo much!. Thank you

Wow this lady knows her stuff she’s brilliant

5:45 that was big : "... you want to leave the person you have become", "... there is no greater other than a different version of yourself"

*Johnsonspy* , you're one of my favorite people on this planet.. (And I don't even know you personally). The way in which you present your work, the content and the access is just awesome. Thank you!! This project is unbelievably amazing and thanks for presenting my the access with so much positivity!! All the best from Germany....!!!!!!

I admire this woman so much. Every time that I listen to her, I learn something new.

“There is no greater other than a different version of yourself”

She is so engaging. I could listen to her talk for hours

You can't stop a person who has decided that their honor and integrity no longer matter.

I showed my love everyday. Told her how beautiful and special she is everyday. She still cheated.

Even if you do your duties as a good partner you can never control your partner for cheating you because cheating is a choice and not an accident.

This woman is incredibly smart. Great interview.

To anyone here: I recommend the book “How to be an Adult in Relationships” It was helpful navigating a crappy relationship

This lady is absolutely amazing 😻! I love her very eloquent way, of explaining this polemic subject 🙌

This is the beauty of a brilliant, logic and well-structured mind. She could be an expert in any other field and be so impressive

So many Truths spoken. Infidelity hurts, it's not just about being "wrong", and it effects more than the 2 people in the relationship. Affairs are about feeling "the erotic energy of aliveness" and has nothing to do with the health of the relationship. "It isn't just because you want to leave the person you are with, it is because you want to leave the person you have yourself become. And it isn't just that you want to meet somebody else but you want to meet another self. There is no greater Other than a different version of yourself." She pulled no punches and was honest and raw, and funny. Thank you so much!

10:25 Such a GREAT analogy! *"Have you shown up?* You work here. You're very invested in this project. You're super attentive to me. You're charming. You're funny. *When you go home, is this the guy that goes home? Or, is it the left-overs that you bring home?"*

4:42 Dr. Perel gets it. My wife and I (Christian couple) had this conversation 20 years ago. She felt guilty because she found another man (a teacher in her training program for a new job) desirable. That's it - all in her mind, she hadn't even spoken to him about it. For context, I think like an engineer because I am one, and this was no different. I told her: "So? I find other women desirable too, probably much more often than you find other men desirable. Why? Men are visual creatures; young women in this society are constantly making themselves up to be attractive, so the temptation is constantly being introduced. That's not cheating - that's called not being dead. Our minds are, among other things, problem solving tools. In our minds, nothing is off limits, because nothing happens in the real world because of it unless we make a choice to bring it into being. This is something most people don't realize. Is there an INTENTION there, or just examination of a wouldn't-it-be-nice scenario? It's a fine line, but a distinct one." The Bible is written in metaphor. I really started to understand it a lot better and apply it to life better when I realized this. So we come to Matthew 5:30: "But I say unto you that whosoever looketh on a woman, to lust after her, hath committed adultery with her already in his heart." As I see it, this is a warning against allowing what's a simple attraction/daydream/desire to turn into an intention that leads to infidelity. This is why my wife and I agreed, after this conversation, that even flirting is cheating (anything further than a one-off ha-ha type that no one takes seriously, and even then we agree it's best to avoid misunderstandings), because you are _advertising a sexual availability_ deliberately (intended), which crosses the line - you have now expressed those thoughts into the physical Universe. The wisdom of the Bible here is in knowing the seeds of infidelity start with the passing thought, and before you know it: "oh no, I didn't mean to sleep with ___!" Given the Bible has been translated, and in so doing the cultural connotations are lost, we have to make up the difference by practical application in real life. The key is it has to be workable while preserving the spirit of the message being communicated. Anyhow, she felt much better about the whole thing after our discussion. Still married now, 22 years, 28 total together, and we have 2 teenaged boys (who look like Xerox copies of me.) She still gets excited to see me when I come home from work, and I'm glad to see her too. Defining, agreeing to and knowing the boundaries saves a whole lot of unnecessary heartache.

How powerful is it to see the attentiveness of these men; the respect, openness (via body language) and the respect to not interrupt or minimize Esther at any given point-nor has she minimized either gender in her examples. What an amazing segment. My mind is blown by the powerful information and discussion ! 👏🏿👏🏿

The only way to stop your partner from cheating is for them to choose not to do it. Pick a new mate

Wow amazing interview. Loved hearing her speak. So real and honest.

After my marriage my wife became withdrawn after a year of marriage. She worked 16 hour shifts in the Hospital. I worked 8 to 5. When I was on call which happened daily. My wife began to hate being touched. So we both just left our marriage this way. I stayed in love with her. She put on airs at work with her her colleagues that she was happily married. I put on dinners with wine and candles. When she invited friends over I made sure they were felt welcome but stayed to myself. I was very lonely. Then after 31 years of this she was diagnosed with lung cancer. I took great care of her. Bathed her, fed her. Washed her, gave her medicines to her. One day she said she was sorry. I did not reply. I held her un my arms as she passed away. I told her I love her. I still feel like a third wheel.

What is Abruzzi doing there? She's incredibly brilliant. These dudes minds are blown away.

I won’t waste my time trying to stop someone from cheating in the first place

One of the greatest speach of all times. Period.

This woman is so accurate I am shocked....

If you're doing something you wouldn't do in front of your significant other, that's cheating. That took me 2 seconds.

That lad in the funky shirt was speechless, I think he learned something 😂

she is amazing...well spoken ..bravo

Love, love love the whole demeanor and logic of this woman.

There is no lasting happiness in being dependent on another person to make you happy.

I am a child of divorce, and I was relieved when my parents divorced.

She is so amazing. I love listening to her perspective. She makes so much sense.

Phenomenal interview. Beyond amazing journalism.

Holy crap she knows her stuff...

I stopped the cheating partner by leaving them the first time.The grass is greener over the septic tank. Have fun falling in.

You are a magnificent and very knowledgeable speaker. I love the truth that you give🥰

She is just incredibly on target how she describes and explains relationships. Love her!

Monogamy is a choice you make. Even if you are tempted to cheat, If you value and TRUELY love that person you will behave unselfishly and leave the temptation behind.

Infidelity is doing anything you wouldn't do with your partner beside you.

This was such a straightforward information, it's about time someone is this honest!!!!!

Hi everyone! Am extremely excited and feel blessed to click on this video. I know it super long, but so far....am loving every single second about it. I always wanted to do something in the IT filed, but with my busy schedule...I was always contemplating on where do I start, what am I going to focus my studies on and how difficult will it be for me with no IT background? However, watching this video have answered to all the questions. Thanks for taking your time to put this together for people like me *brian hacks online*

"we used to marry till death do us part, today we marry till love dies." powerful and touching! I want to stick with the former!

I like the part she says, " if you're having an affair, it's either something missing in our relationship, or there's something missing in you". Cheaters definitely have something missing in them, most of the time.

Excelent program! I always learn something new with her on how to deal with this difficult subject

Alriiiiiiight! A realistic, refreshing, and doable perspective. DOABLE!

you are leaving the person that you have become - that is pretty powerful...

There’s no such thing as a soulmate. We are not born lovers. A relationship requires a set of skills that is developed over time.

I admire the insights shared by this woman. May she keep shining.

Dr. Ester Perel understands the relationship between couples the best

The last statement: wow! Because we tend to behave this way. Imagine how polite, how sweet or proper we are in public to total stranger yet terrible towards the ppl we claim to love. We really gotta stop it. Be charming, be more loving, more considerate towards the ppl closest to us. Pow!

12:12 This is a "great" way to break up with someone & shows a lot of empathy. After being cheated on, I've learned just how much I appreciate that break up talk instead of a cheating talk.

Great video! Take-away to avoid getting cheated on (the piece that is in your control anyway): most people commit affairs to feel alive- seen, appreciated, special. What are you saying and doing that shows your significant other that you are choosing them every day? How do you let them know why you choose them? Also she was 💯 right at the end about kids not wanting divorce unless it’s exceptionally bad. She called bs on that fast.

Yoo the intelligence in her, makes me want to hear more and more. Like she must just talk and never stop. I'm learning a lot thank you

Divorcing you doesn't mean I don't love you, it just means that I want my life back. A life without you and the hurt you bring.

This is how I stopped my husband from cheating on me.....I divorced him!!!!!

I'm humbled by how insightful she is . Just wow

I love that she separates out the moral component. That really helps to take out some of the sting. I love her insights.

The look on that guy face is priceless... he is thinking of something 😁

I think you can be doing everything right in the relationship and yet they are still going to do it.

I love you Skavlan; great interviewer and chat show host. Thank goodness we have you, as we know, Parkinson has retired.

So true! What wonderful wisdom. I could even see Peter internalising.

What eloquence. What a mind. Wow!

The kind of insightful perspective that you never get on day-time talk shows.

I'm most sure that Brandon of *Johnson spy* is the solitary individual here that is really ready to complete this without any kind of grumble, I'm genuinely thankful to him for since, supposing that it weren't for him I wouldn't have discovered that my sweetheart was not the slightest bit steadfast from the beginning

Every once in a while I see a guilty look on the quiet guy on stage.

I love her. She's so we'll spoken and articulate. Lots of good points. P.s. I'm not watching this as a cheater. I'm the one who was cheated ON and I'm about to realize this is very true

So true! If there is no remorse and they belittle it and tell you it didn’t happen even though you have proof, it’s time to move on. Been there done that

@ Esther Perel - brilliant & balanced insight

The quality of *Johnsonspy* job is so incredibly high. If you don't have a team behind you, then you are clearly a multi talented individual.. The way the access is structured are perfect, the visuals are stunning, the narration is engaging, and of course, the project is itself intriguing.. You are a professional Baron...