100 percent fair play for posting

There's so many friends I know that if I tried to do this ...(I do do this with, but not well) with them I would get that look. Man that look. Yeah thanks for posting that. The biggest thing is how to get past that look... cuz now look where the anger is directed ...LOL And it usually comes out of nowhere, and I can't think fast enough on my feet.. . and that's where things go......

Amen! Always ballsy, Tim. Thanks Man. Your courage is inspiring.

Just as you commented, I too thought Tim was uncomfortable, but maybe for other reasons. It felt like he was being pressured to provide the answer(s) Gabor was holding out for. It's hard to know if Tim's original answer held true for him, as he seems like someone who likes to please. What do you think, as I'm new to this channel? It seemed unfair to keep re-phrasing the questions, as Tim's (original) answers seemed spontaneous, thoughtful, and sincere. Was it fair to keep pushing for different ones? Maybe Gabor knew best. In a different setting, where a "therapeutic alliance" exists, between client and therapist, that's fair game, but I don't think that was the case here. It seemed as though Gabor needed the podcast to land where it did, in order to illustrate his viewpoint on the topic. (And he needed Tim to supply the "right answer" that lead to that theme.) Was it at the expense of Tim's "truth"? We may never know. That's the "discomfort" I felt, even though I still enjoyed the podcast and found it interesting.

@@cybernurse2020 interesting take. I read that too but it feels to me that both are true in degrees

So true!!

Reframing to assume responsibility all along the way (unflinchingly) can be one's source of power. One may not 'jump to conclude: "I am not worthy of good treatment but rather where in this dealing did I fall short?" (of course this thinking doesn't fit the 'that's trauma' story being promoted as it is Mate's work.

@@AnaTai3 If you were thinking logically like that, you wouldn't have felt the emotions. I'm sure you know from your own experience that you wanted someone you really trusted to do something. When they didn't follow through, you would immediately go to where there could have been an error, both on their and on your side. That's because you trust them. There is no trauma connected to your thinking. Now, with people you don't trust, there is a different story. Then you'll respond to your childhood experiences and go back to trauma.

Remind me of something I read in Marcus Aurelus's book.

Yayyy, we live in a world where people treat each other well and sadness is always just a logical fallacy that is never rooted in circumstance!!

@@tobinmoffatt3075 Are you missing the point on purpose ?

yeah, we learn. isn't it amazing! ;)

@@tobinmoffatt3075 At times, our perceptions of reality are correct and at other times, false. Also, the truth is subjective for topics that defy scientific method.

We respond to the present moment with the past.

I know I wrote that sentence down immediately!

We reply to the present FROM our past. What do you think?

@@cybernurse2020 I understand where you're coming from, but I think Maté simply means that you have an emotional response to a past memory triggered by the present moment.

That is the gayest comment I have ever read.

@@IMPACTPodcasterAcademy ..and this is the second gayest comment I have ever read.

How do you know if he cares? He rarely personally replies to any of us..

@@Way_Of_The_Light The act of posting such obvious unconfortable moment its what signals a genuine person ( Action = Values) ( "Put you money where your mouth is" . His eyes, body language get clearly unconfortable by the second. He could have chosen to not make this moment public. Real action matching the message of declared values is what most humans will perceive as closer to the truth.

@@VinceAscaino I don't know if that's enough of a benchmark for me to accept that he "cares" about his audiences. He could have just posted this clip because it's a good clip to post and get more video views.

Z Ber this one got me

wow thanks for this

Sorry if I sound mean, the “is when” part sounds like a 10 year old explaining something l. That said the rest of the sentence is very interesting and eye opening. Thanks.

🔥🔥

@@javiceres Shush now

Ah my close cousin-brother Tim F revealed me to me yet again. Now for the work..

Well said.

Absolutely. Tim is me. Tim is most people.

Similar to EMDR..kind of a EMD little r

Sometimes that is not possible, Claire Houston.

Absolutely agree. As I approach 40 I am finally noticing I am doing this constantly 🥺 I wish for a day I could see through a new mind.

@@owenlee9474 In my case, I meant that I lack information. I enjoy being in my mind.

@@omardelmar It's always better to learn the full story before proceeding, if possible.

There are times you can't learn the whole story but if you can figure out for yourself what & why you are being triggered then at least when confronted with those feelings again instead of an overly emotional triggered response, you are able to respond to the present appropriately.

No God is the gift Gabor is the human vessel-talent He’s not the Saviour

@@mandycote5662 energy, universe...

Very good point. We try to teach this language at primary school now using emotion colour wheels. It's very useful for adults too.

Need education

Hello Free From Your Fears That's a nice video.. Well How are you today? I wish you a happy day 🍒🌹💐

Fuggin glad to hear it, man. Keep going. Rooting for you!!

@@TwinTalon01 thanks so much! Still in it to win it.

Shashank M Always makes me curious why certain people consume a lot of UKposts but always use the phrase “ I don’t usually comment on UKposts videos “ , may I ask why you don’t comment ? I think that commenting is a form of communication , once you refrain yourself from doing it , you cut out communication ..

same here

😢

Life sometimes brings us things at the very moment we most need them.

He's awesome cause he saw all the bullshit in a broken system and just started talking about it and seeking how far it went.

Well put!!

no you won't. you will feel the emotion no matter how you wish you wouldn't feel it. Your decisions intellectually have no choice but to be reached by emotion, even if you turn down the knob to cool. And moreso if you turn it to cool, because what you really had wished for is the warm setting. Talking heads can make you see something that when tried you realize was hogwash.. talking heads made a lot of money off you, too. If you look into Gabor more, you will see he capitalizes off his holocaust trauma and everything in his life strings from it. I met him in person and his eyes are distant and cold to everyone. He really is a black hole pity party.

T

He did not even get to the point. What is so special about him?

@@aammssaamm are you slow?

Most likely you are :)

And the ability of each individual to mend themselves! There is no other way

Can you explain it? I'm still not sure how to interpretate this. Maybe an example that can help me understand?

Cause Gabor did not get the real point.

@@juliusriteco1355 For example, your husband forgot to buy bread. You get upset and you think @How could he do that, he knows I need that bread, he doesn't care about me@ so you actually get frustrated because of the interpreations you give to the fact that he didn't buy bread. He might have been tired or stressed and that is why he forgot, but YOU CHOSE to give more credit to the explanation that he doesn't care about you, which is actually what makes you sad. Sometimes, you don't even realize that the thought appears (the negative thought that he doesn't care about you; because, for example, when you were a kid, if someone forgot to do something for you and that person didn't care about you, your brain learned that whenever someone doesn't do something for you, they don't care about you; so, anytime something similar happens, your brain jumps to the same conclusion, even though the situation might be completely different now). So, since our thoughts/ perceptions are the ones that actually make our mood/ emotions, that means that we can work on the fact that we can choose how to react and that means we are powerful.

Adela Cozlac omg so well said 🙏 thank you

Hello HappyJiyoung That's a nice video.. Well How are you today? I wish you a happy day 🍒🌹💐

For so many of us, those feelings of shame and unworthiness are how we were controlled by those in authority. They are like a little built in light switch that someone else controls until we learn about its existence and how to keep it at Off more. :-) If you struggle with these feelings, you might also enjoy the work of Brene Brown. A good place to start is her first TEDtalk . Gabor Mate's TEDtalk is wonderful, too! All the best. :-)

Hello Grace Chan That's a nice video.. Well How are you today? I wish you a happy day 🍒🌹💐

Hello Mamta N That's a nice video.. Well How are you today? I wish you a happy day 🍒🌹💐

Hello Ioana Preda That's a nice video.. Well How are you today? I wish you a happy day 🍒🌹💐

Or you realize the best thing you can do is grasp the significance of your lesson and stay out of the the other persons way so he can deal with his issues. Issues which you may have no ability to influence and to which your involvement may only delay his progress.

Or in other words you just don't care so don"t even try. Helping is super straight forward, just listening can help people realise a lot of things about themselves.

@@hiseggcelency no that’s not what I said. “ in other words” often assumes too much. No where did I say “ don’t care don’t try” . Circumstances can vary widely, I don’t think there is a one size fits all solution, as an example if you are dealing with a narcissist your strategy might want to be very different. It’s a big subject to discuss in short comments.

I agree. Sometimes we see our worth and others are doing things to get at us!?!

I really like that video but at some point i paused and asked myself would i give him (worker who was suppose to do the job) hard or at least a bit harder time, by which i mean telling him that is not the way to do business? Because if everyone would just not give a damn, the final equation would be indifference by everyone. At least my opinion. On the other hand, maybe inside i need to do response like the one in video, go inside myself and try to be free but outside tell something to worker.

@@markomraovic8971 I just think it means calmly asking the worker why the work was not carried out as they had arranged. Ie. missing out the stage of presumption and feeling angry, sad, hurt and disrespected etc.

And dark chocolate! Amen.

To me this process is called Quantum Healing, and requires complete honesty with oneself in order to effectively forgive and let go of past wounds, once aware of the Truth. Almost everyone can operate in a transparent way in a "safe" environment. He seems to trust in Gabe to help him through the process that he will be able to do himself by asking similar questions. The self reflection of feelings is key.🙏

Not sure why you THINK he is so vulnerable? Or why anyone else would have reacted like him or worse? You assume how others would be and not be based on your perception which is exactly what Gabor said people do. He said people don't react to the thing done they react to their perception of what is done to them.So then that means Tim is not a victim. Gabor pointed out that he is the creator of his own anger and frustration not someone else.Being on T.v. show shouldn't again make him vulnerable, or take on a victim or poor me mindset,make him feel he is put on the spot.Gabor says he does these exercises all the time with people. If Tim wants to feel sorry for himself and vulnerable then that is a choice he makes with himself...but he doesn't have to

Just because of the way he reacted to those questions dude, it's not easy for anyone to just delve into your childhood trauma and be cool about. Just look at the way he was nervous, the look in his eyes, and also the fact that he said to pause the subject, I think all of that shows his vulnerability :)

Hard disagree. Any average person watching this video has more capacity to be humble and vulnerale than Tim fucking Ferriss who was reluctant to even engage with the exercise.

Of course we would. But that's the point being. We often default to the worst possible scenario which degrades us as people.

I agree. I get sick of the childhood reference. I have struggled with the trauma off, and on for decades. Major loss, betrayal years ago, & have been closed down. "Any kind of happy connection is impossible for me, have no idea how to do any of it at all, anyway" kinda' thing. Recently, have had a very unusual, and scary experience. Someone exceptionally adorable, and nice was actually nice to little ol' unlovable me. Was like a baseball coming out of left field, hitting me upside the head. All the feelings, and anxiety - super intense. My cynical, blunt side just so automatically pops out, and then I get horrible anxiety later because I want to be more comfortable being myself with that person, and not do that. Don't want to be in constant anxiety that I will say, do something rude, and make a fool out of myself. I later go over in my mind what I wish I really would have said. That seems all I can do that helps. Am trying to learn less hateful talk to myself, but it is hard. I am desperate now wanting to practice being more comfortable with that person, but don't know if I'll get another chance. Tired of losing people in mistakes made, or just life circumstance. Does that all make sense?

The UKposts channel Crappy Childhood Fairy has a video about just that - how childhood ptsd can make you do or say things that you rather wouldn’t, especially in the context of relationships. The nervous system dysregulation can make you say and do whack things… and the major part of healing that is doing things that heal and regulate the nervous system…. With time you become someone you can rely on to make better choices.

@@serpentines6356 May I suggest you look up content related to internal family system therapy and Richard Schwartz and his book 'There are no bad parts'. Dr. Mate is very close to Dr Schwartz and has likely drawn a lot on his work. There's a good chance a lot of your questions and dimemmas might be resolved 🙂💛

Dr. Mate tends to take it back to childhood but from what I have understood from Internal Family Systems therapy (a separate line of work that has Mate's endorsement) is that trauma(small t) is essentially any unresolved emotion and so can arise at any age where we were unable to respond effectively to something/someone that disrupted our wellbeing (hence childhood being common, at our most helpless stages). Very likely, the key is to allow yourself the time and space to unpack what emotion(s) lies behind the pattern/typical unwanted reaction, and review the belief about yourself that you built in that instance, that may not actually be true or accurate. Without being able to reset the beliefs that you carry about yourself, effective and lasting change might be much more of a struggle than it really needs to be.

LinYouToo yes 🔥

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Disappoint is a statement not an emotion